Zombie Grannies & Krakowski and Da Pooch Diddy Movies
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Lights! Camera! Action! | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# We're Diddy Dick and Dom and we're so excited | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Our showbiz careers have been reignited | 0:00:07 | 0:00:11 | |
# We made it onto the silver screen with our Diddy Movies | 0:00:11 | 0:00:15 | |
# You're living the dream | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
# We were down on our luck We were burnt-out stars | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
# Flipping burgers and washing cars | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
# As we wave goodbye to all our cares | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
# Hello to Hollywood premieres | 0:00:26 | 0:00:29 | |
# This time next year you'll be millionaires | 0:00:29 | 0:00:33 | |
# Go, Diddy Movies, yeah! # | 0:00:33 | 0:00:37 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Diddy Movie premiere | 0:00:37 | 0:00:41 | |
you've all been waiting for. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
And we are sorry about the wait. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
Delays on the line due to a very, very naughty badger. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
This movie is the most horrific movie to ever horribly horrify you - | 0:00:49 | 0:00:53 | |
Zombie Grannies! | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
Buy. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:57 | |
Sell. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
Buy, buy. Sell. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
Just saying goodbye to Sell. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
-Oh. -So, who'd have thought you two guys | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
would make a horror movie? | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
-A horror movie? -Yeah. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:09 | |
We thought you said, "Make a horrible movie." | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
What?! | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
No, no, no, don't worry. It is a really horrible movie. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:17 | |
Oh, yes, it's atrocious. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
-Especially the acting. Zombie pretzel? -Agh! | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
Are you hungry? Do you want some food? Of course you do! | 0:01:26 | 0:01:30 | |
So come and get your food in the foyer right now. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:34 | |
Come on, come and get your food. Don't hold back. Come and get it. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
What's wrong with you all? Why don't you want any food? | 0:01:38 | 0:01:42 | |
I've spent all day making this food. There's flippin' tons of it. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
Fine! Suit yourselves. I'll have all the food. Mmm-mmm-mmm. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:50 | |
Food, food, food, food, food... | 0:01:50 | 0:01:54 | |
Food. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
-Apple sauce? -I'm fine, thanks. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
HE BURPS | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
Oh, look! It's starting. It's starting! | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
'Diddy Movies presents...' | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
Oh, Alf, I'm so old I can barely walk. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:17 | |
I'm so old I can barely stand. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
Well, I'm so old, I can't even stand... Oh! | 0:02:20 | 0:02:24 | |
Well, I'm so old I can't see. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
CRASH! | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
-Sorry! I'm so old I can't even hear you. -Shut up! | 0:02:31 | 0:02:36 | |
Get off! | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
Ooh! Shut up! | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
Get off! | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
Ohh! Shut up! | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
Oh! Get off! | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
-Ooh! -Oh, you must be our new residents. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
THEY GROAN | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Don't worry, you'll be properly looked after here | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
at Pasture Best Retirement Community. I'm Wendy, | 0:02:56 | 0:03:00 | |
and my motto is, I'm happy to be here being happy to help while I'm here. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:04 | |
And happy. While I'm helping! | 0:03:04 | 0:03:07 | |
That's a rubbish motto. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:08 | |
Well, why don't you both come in? | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
HE COUGHS | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
I would, love, but I've got a gammy leg. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
-Can you take my bag? -Yes, of course. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
Here! What about my bag? | 0:03:19 | 0:03:24 | |
HE STRAINS | 0:03:24 | 0:03:27 | |
CLUNK! | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
WENDY YELLS, THEY CHUCKLE | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
I tell you what, Sid, this is going to be the life. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
Having your dinner cooked for you, your clothes washed for you | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
and your bottom wiped for you. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
-But you can wipe your own bottom. -She doesn't know that. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:45 | |
THEY CHUCKLE | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
Come on. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
CRUNCH! | 0:03:50 | 0:03:51 | |
CRUNCH! CRUNCH! | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
CRUNCH! | 0:03:53 | 0:03:54 | |
CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
DOOR SLAMS SHUT | 0:03:57 | 0:04:01 | |
There you go, Wilf, a nice cup of tea for you. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
And you've got your extra blanket, Maureen. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
HE COUGHS | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
Can I have an extra blanket, please, love? | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
I haven't got any more. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
Maybe I can get some from the internet. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
Well, we can't, can we? | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
-We have gammy eyes. -Ohh. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
THEY CHUCKLE | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
Oh, Madge! Are these your teeth? | 0:04:23 | 0:04:28 | |
Honestly, you'd lose your own head if it wasn't glued to your head. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:32 | |
SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Oh, hang on, here comes another one. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
My name's Maureen. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
We were wondering if we could change the channel on the television. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:50 | |
-No! -Get lost! | 0:04:50 | 0:04:51 | |
It's just we do rather prefer watching Countdown. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
-We want to watch Tough Cops. -Aye! We love Tough Cops. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
THEME MUSIC PLAYS | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
# Tough cops... # | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
Can't we just watch Countdown? | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
-No! Tough Cops. -Countdown! -BOTH: Cops! | 0:05:04 | 0:05:08 | |
ARGUMENT CONTINUES | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
MUFFLED CHUCKLING | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
SMASH! | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
CRASH! | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
Well, if you didn't like Tough Cops, you could have just said so. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:22 | |
CRANKING | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
ALL: Wa-a-a-agh! | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHS | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
She's been turned into a zombie. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
It's scary, OK? | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
ALL: Agh! | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
Ooh, give us a kiss! Haven't you grown? | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
Give us a kiss! | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
Madge, what's happened to you? | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
CRANKING | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
Madge? | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
Ooh, haven't you grown? | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
-Give us a kiss! -Madge! -Give us a kiss! -Madge! | 0:05:57 | 0:06:01 | |
Oh, haven't you grown! | 0:06:01 | 0:06:04 | |
SQUEAKY KISS | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
POP! | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
CREAKING | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
-CRASH! -Wilf, no! | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
CRANKING | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
THEY ALL SCREAM | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
I need to tell you both something. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
My name is not really Maureen Mildew. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:26 | |
It's Brenda Bison, ex-Special Forces. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:30 | |
-What do you want, a medal? -No. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
I already got plenty. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
Come on, people, let's move it. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
Come on! Move it, move it! | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
Ooh, haven't you grown? | 0:06:41 | 0:06:45 | |
Go, go, go, go! | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
So what happened in there? | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
My best guess is a genetically engineered virus | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
is turning people into zombies | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
via a synthetically mututated amino acid transmitted | 0:06:59 | 0:07:03 | |
-by a pair of dental replicants. -And that's bad, is it? | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
Ah, just a second, just a second. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
No. No idea. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
Everyone's turning into zombies. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
We don't have much time. A virus can be airborne in minutes. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:17 | |
-Wait. How do you know so much about this? -I have to level with you. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:21 | |
My name isn't really Brenda Bison. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:25 | |
It's Rita Rumpanov, | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
ex-KGB chemical weapons expert. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
We need to go to manager's office to raise the alarm. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:33 | |
I'll check the escape route. You search for weapons. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
Oh, no, no. No can do, love. Not with these bunions. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
SHE RETCHES | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
Sorry, I'm not going anywhere till I've had a little rest | 0:07:43 | 0:07:47 | |
-and a shiatsu massage. -Alf! | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
Oh, aye, that's nice. Lovely. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:53 | |
Right on my gammy tricep. Oh. Oh. Oh, no. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:56 | |
Oh! Oh, no! Oh! | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
HE PANTS | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
I thought you couldn't move? | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
Oh, must have been a miracle. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
Right, you heard her... | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
whoever she is. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:09 | |
-We need weapons. Search these shelves for supplies. -Supplies? | 0:08:09 | 0:08:14 | |
CYMBALS CRASH | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
Surprise! | 0:08:16 | 0:08:17 | |
Humbugs! | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
Bingo balls. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
Teapot. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
A canteen of cutlery. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
His'n'hers fondues. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
An electric cat. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
A make-your-own-chickenpox set. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
Two weeks in a bath. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:39 | |
24-carat carrots. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
I wouldn't mind, but I'm really old. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:46 | |
Right, soldiers, | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
it's time. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Watch your backs in there. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
Oh, I know. Mine's really playing up. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
Go! Go, go! | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
-Eh? -Go! | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
-Go, go, go! -Go! | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
ALL: Go, go, go, go! | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
Haven't you grown? | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
Ooh, give us a kiss. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
What do I do? What do I do? | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
-Use the grenades. -Right. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
WHIZZING | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
Ooh, humbugs! Yum, yum, yum. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
Come to Grandad. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:22 | |
No! | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
Not the sloppy Grandad kiss! | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
-Use the launcher. -Right! | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
Oo-oo-ooh! | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
-Go, go! -Go, go! -Go, go! -Wendy, we need you. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:41 | |
CRANKING | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
Give a kiss! | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
THEY ALL WAIL | 0:09:48 | 0:09:52 | |
There's an awful lot of screaming in this film. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:56 | |
HE SCREAMS LOUDLY | 0:09:56 | 0:09:59 | |
HE SCREAMS LOUDLY | 0:09:59 | 0:10:01 | |
BOTH SCREAM | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
< Shut up! | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
Sorry. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:06 | |
SQUEAKY KISS | 0:10:06 | 0:10:10 | |
POP! | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
SQUEAKY KISS | 0:10:14 | 0:10:18 | |
POP! | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
I don't have much time. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
You see, my name isn't really Rita Rumpanov. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:26 | |
It's Chad. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
Chad Hamilton, ex-SAS. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
I may be done for, chaps, | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
but you can escape while there's still time. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
Climb out of the window of the TV lounge. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
I don't think that's possible, Chad, | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
because my name isn't really Sidney Frostwarning. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:45 | |
It's Claud Le Roc, international jewel thief. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:49 | |
And my name isn't really Alfie Sideboard. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:53 | |
It's Tony Finch, fruit-seller to the rich and famous. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:59 | |
Really? | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
BOTH: No, only joking. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:05 | |
Listen, just because you're old | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
doesn't mean you can't do this. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:11 | |
CRASH! | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
Oh, if only Maureen hadn't been kissed. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
Oh, yeah. If only she hadn't become a... | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
BOTH: ..zombie! | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
Give us a kiss! | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
Oh... Oh! | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
-It's bingo time! -Ooh! | 0:11:31 | 0:11:35 | |
Eyes down for a full house. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:36 | |
2 and 3, 23! | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
Ooh! | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
-2 fat squirrels, 96! -Ooh! | 0:11:41 | 0:11:45 | |
All the 12s, 12-12! | 0:11:45 | 0:11:49 | |
Ooh! House! | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
SQUELCH! | 0:11:51 | 0:11:52 | |
THEY CHUCKLE | 0:11:52 | 0:11:53 | |
Oh... | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
We've made it. All we have to do is get through the window | 0:11:56 | 0:12:00 | |
-and we're safe. -Ah! | 0:12:00 | 0:12:01 | |
-Oh, it's a bit nippy out there, Sid. -It is. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:05 | |
We'll end up catching pneumonia at our age. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
Ooh, give us a kiss! | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
What are we going to do? | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
ALL: Give us a kiss! | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
BOTH: Give us a kiss! | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
SQUEAKY KISS | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
POP! | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
# Life's not bad when you're already dead | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
# Life's not bad when you're already dead | 0:12:26 | 0:12:30 | |
# Life's not bad when you're already dead | 0:12:30 | 0:12:34 | |
# The telly's so much better now my eyes are bright red | 0:12:34 | 0:12:38 | |
# Life's not bad when you're already dead | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
# You can drink two cuppas by rotating your head... # | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
SLURP! | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
# Yes, life's not bad when you're already dead | 0:12:46 | 0:12:50 | |
# So stop being old and be a zombie instead... # | 0:12:50 | 0:12:55 | |
THEY ALL LAUGH | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
SILENCE | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
PROJECTOR RATTLES | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
# You won't admit you love me | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
# And so | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
# How am I ever to know? | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
# You always tell me | 0:13:21 | 0:13:25 | |
# Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps | 0:13:25 | 0:13:29 | |
# If you can't make your mind up | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
# We'll never get started | 0:13:34 | 0:13:38 | |
# And I don't want to wind up | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
# Being parted | 0:13:42 | 0:13:45 | |
# Brokenhearted | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
# So if you really love me | 0:13:48 | 0:13:51 | |
# Say yes | 0:13:51 | 0:13:53 | |
# But if you don't, dear | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
# Confess and please don't tell me | 0:13:56 | 0:14:01 | |
# Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. # | 0:14:01 | 0:14:05 | |
Hmm. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
And now it's time for another Diddy Movie premiere. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:11 | |
We're heading to mean streets of New York city | 0:14:11 | 0:14:15 | |
so pack up your pastrami, | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
belt up your bagel and crank up your cop car - | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
it's time for Krakowski And Da Pooch. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
Nice doggie. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
SNARLING AND SCREAMING | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
Oh, you're going to love this one, Larry. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
It's a no-holds-barred cop movie! | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
-Car chases! -Explosions! -Talking dogs! -What? -Nothing. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:38 | |
This is the one, boys, I can smell it. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:42 | |
-Sorry, yeah...that was me. -Oof... | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
Everyone says our films are a crime, | 0:14:45 | 0:14:46 | |
but this one's actually supposed to be! | 0:14:46 | 0:14:49 | |
Strap yourself in, Larry, for a daylight robbery! | 0:14:49 | 0:14:53 | |
And this time we might just get away with it. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
You two! Sit still! Shut up before I have you both arrested. | 0:14:55 | 0:15:00 | |
Are you looking for four shiny new tyres for your car? | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
Then what are you doing here?! This is a cinema, not a garage! | 0:15:07 | 0:15:11 | |
It's starting! | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
-Do you mind?! -Sorry, Krakowski. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
Something we did back in the old country. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
Look! It's Ratface! | 0:15:39 | 0:15:41 | |
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! | 0:15:41 | 0:15:44 | |
-Sorry. It's how we did it... -It's how you did it in the old country. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
Yeah, I know. Come on, let's get 'em. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
Squirty squirt. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:33 | |
-Hey! What's up with you? -Put it on my tab, baby-cakes! | 0:16:36 | 0:16:40 | |
You ain't got no tab! You're a maverick cop, Krakowski! | 0:16:40 | 0:16:44 | |
-The game's up, Ratface. -Ah, you'll never take me alive, copper. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:54 | |
Who said anything about alive? | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
He's getting away! | 0:16:57 | 0:16:58 | |
Be careful, O'Malley! | 0:17:00 | 0:17:01 | |
Aaaah! | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
Nooooo! | 0:17:05 | 0:17:12 | |
Aah, so long, copper. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
-O'Malley! -It's no use, Krakowski. I'm a goner. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:28 | |
-Don't talk like that, O'Malley. -I'm an Irish cop, Krakowski! | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
I have to talk like that. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
I can see the rolling hills of my homeland calling me home. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
Fields full of shamrock and a fire full of turf. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:45 | |
I'm weak... So weak. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:49 | |
-Have you ever actually been to Ireland? -No. -Oh. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:54 | |
I'm heading to the end of the rainbow. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:58 | |
But before I go, I have to do just one... | 0:17:58 | 0:18:02 | |
last... | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
thing. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:05 | |
Anything, buddy. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:06 | |
-What's going on? -Everyone loves Irish dancing, Larry! | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
You lot love it, don't you, guys? | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
ALL: Yeah! | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
Noooooo! | 0:18:28 | 0:18:35 | |
Can it, Krakowski! That's the eighth partner you did lost this week. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:40 | |
And it's only Tuesday! | 0:18:40 | 0:18:41 | |
Sorry, Sergeant Leatherstrap. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:44 | |
I'm a maverick. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:45 | |
Hm. You're a liability. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
-Hey, you never drink those. -Can't stand the stuff. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
I got you a new partner, but you're going to take care of this one, | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
-all right? -Woof! | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
-Down boy! Down boy! -What is that? | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
He's Da Pooch and he's your new partner. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
DA POOCH PEES | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
Somebody get him housetrained! | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
DA POOCH WHINES | 0:19:12 | 0:19:13 | |
Hey, quit that! I got a tough guy image to maintain. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:17 | |
And I don't hang around with no poodle! | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
DA POOCH WHINES | 0:19:19 | 0:19:20 | |
OK! Don't get in my way. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:28 | |
And cut that out! | 0:19:28 | 0:19:30 | |
SIRENS WAIL | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
BABY CRIES | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
No! Sit! Stay! | 0:19:42 | 0:19:46 | |
Ah, like taking candy from a baby. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:48 | |
Oi! Oi! | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
There's nowhere left to run now, Ratface! | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
You cheapskates! That's the same alley! | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
No, it's a completely different alley. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:10 | |
They just look similar. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
-So why is O'Malley still under the boxes? -Er... | 0:20:12 | 0:20:16 | |
DICK AND DOM: Coincidence. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:17 | |
You're going down, Ratface! | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
Aaaargh! | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
And that's for killing my partner. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif! | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif! | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
Oif! | 0:20:35 | 0:20:36 | |
Hey, look at that dog! | 0:20:36 | 0:20:37 | |
SIRENS WAIL | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
-Hey, that dog's a hero! -Wait, no... -This'll make the front page. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:47 | |
-Wait, no, but... -Out of the way, sir. I only want the dog. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:51 | |
-Now that's what I'm talking about! -Look, I did all the hard work! | 0:20:55 | 0:20:59 | |
I don't want to hear it, Krakowski. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
You should learn from this dog. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
DA POOCH BREAKS WIND | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
Maybe not that. Come here, boy. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:09 | |
A medal for courage? Hey! Where's my medal? | 0:21:11 | 0:21:15 | |
Er, you've got to earn these. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:17 | |
Yeah, this dog is twice the man you are. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
Now, go out there and remind me why you're my best friend. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:24 | |
Bark! Bark! | 0:21:24 | 0:21:26 | |
Hey! Come here! | 0:21:29 | 0:21:30 | |
Uh-oh! Uh-oh! | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
What's that? | 0:21:36 | 0:21:37 | |
Whee! | 0:21:37 | 0:21:41 | |
Oh! | 0:21:41 | 0:21:42 | |
Oif! | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:21:44 | 0:21:47 | |
ALARM BELL RINGS | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
I take great pleasure in rewarding Lieutenant Pooch | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
the key to the dog-flap of the city. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
CHEERING | 0:22:07 | 0:22:08 | |
What? Hang on! Hang on! You've gotta be kidding! | 0:22:08 | 0:22:12 | |
He's only been on the force for a week! | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
Rargh! | 0:22:14 | 0:22:15 | |
Yeah, in which time he's caught a record number of lowlifes | 0:22:15 | 0:22:18 | |
-and criminals single-handed. -Oif! | 0:22:18 | 0:22:21 | |
I did all the hard work and he gets all the credit. | 0:22:21 | 0:22:24 | |
CROWD BOOS | 0:22:24 | 0:22:25 | |
OK! No, no, no, OK. Who are you going to believe? | 0:22:25 | 0:22:29 | |
A cop that's got 20 years' experience on the streets? | 0:22:29 | 0:22:32 | |
Or a...a dumb dog? | 0:22:32 | 0:22:35 | |
CROWD CHANTS: Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! | 0:22:35 | 0:22:38 | |
The dumb dog...with the cutest little face in the world. That's right! | 0:22:40 | 0:22:44 | |
Man, you got the cutest little face and I love ya! | 0:22:44 | 0:22:48 | |
I've had enough of this! | 0:22:48 | 0:22:49 | |
I don't want to be a partner with this pesky Pooch any more. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
-Quite right, Krakowski. Yeah, you ain't partners no more. -Thank you. | 0:22:52 | 0:22:56 | |
-He's your boss. -What?! | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
Yep. I'm promoting him to captain. From now on, you report to him. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:05 | |
Yeah, you're going to look after him, too. You're taking him home with you. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
CROWD CHANTS: Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! | 0:23:08 | 0:23:11 | |
Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! | 0:23:11 | 0:23:13 | |
Yeah, welcome to my apartment. Make yourself at... | 0:23:18 | 0:23:23 | |
..home. | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
SWITCHES TV ON | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
-See? We promised you explosions. -That's half the budget right there. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:46 | |
What? No! You, you, bad dog! | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
I've had enough of this. I'm going to bed. You can sleep on the couch. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:03 | |
-OK. Good night, then. -Yeah, good night. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:08 | |
-You just spoke! You're not a dog! You're a man. -Oops. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:23 | |
-Clever twist, eh, Larry? -You'd never guess that one in a million years. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:28 | |
I guessed it in the first ten seconds, so did everybody else. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
-Well, of course he's a man! -Yeah! It's blinking obvious, man. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:35 | |
-So you're telling me that you used to be a regular cop? -Yeah. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:39 | |
It was really hard, all that running about, getting shouted at, | 0:24:39 | 0:24:44 | |
-wearing a silly hat. -So you decided to dress up as a dog instead. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:49 | |
Yeah, well, dogs have it easy. Nobody expects them to do anything. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:53 | |
And if you do something wrong, then you just pull a cute face | 0:24:53 | 0:24:57 | |
and you get away with it. | 0:24:57 | 0:24:58 | |
Why, I oughta... | 0:24:58 | 0:24:59 | |
DA POOCH WHIMPERS | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
Aww, bless! | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
Oh, I see what you mean. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
My name's not even Pooch, my real name's Simon. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:09 | |
I used to feed you. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:10 | |
-I combed your nits out of your armpits! -Be a pal... | 0:25:11 | 0:25:15 | |
Yeah... Yeah... | 0:25:18 | 0:25:20 | |
Hang on a minute. Hold the phone, wait a second. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:24 | |
-I even scooped up your... -What can I say? It's a dog's life! | 0:25:24 | 0:25:29 | |
Right, that's it! You can only push a maverick cop so far. I quit! | 0:25:29 | 0:25:33 | |
DOGS BARKING OUTSIDE | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
I got a better idea. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
Oif! Oif! | 0:25:43 | 0:25:45 | |
Make way for Barkowski and Da Pooch. Woof-woof-woof! | 0:25:46 | 0:25:52 | |
-RADIO: -Calling all cars. Robbery in progress at 29th and Main. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:56 | |
Anyone got a lead? | 0:25:56 | 0:25:57 | |
This movie can't get any dumber. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:04 | |
You underestimate us, Larry. | 0:26:04 | 0:26:06 | |
There's the burglar. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:11 | |
It's a cat burglar! | 0:26:14 | 0:26:16 | |
Woof-woof! | 0:26:16 | 0:26:17 | |
That's our kind of criminal. Come on. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
Mew! | 0:26:21 | 0:26:23 | |
-Woof! Woof! Oif! Woof! -Oif! Oif! -Woof! Oif! | 0:26:23 | 0:26:27 | |
Come on! | 0:26:29 | 0:26:30 | |
BOTH: Woof. | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
Mew. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:40 | |
SIRENS WAIL | 0:26:40 | 0:26:42 | |
Yeah! | 0:26:46 | 0:26:48 | |
Well? What did you think? | 0:26:54 | 0:26:57 | |
Oh, Larry, come on! | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
You can't be upset with a couple of cute little puppies like us. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:03 | |
THEY WHINE | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
I'm through with you. I should rub your noses in this latest movie! | 0:27:05 | 0:27:09 | |
What about you lot? What did you think? | 0:27:09 | 0:27:11 | |
AUDIENCE BOOS AND SHOUTS | 0:27:18 | 0:27:21 | |
Rubbish! | 0:27:21 | 0:27:22 | |
I've waited 27 years for this! | 0:27:22 | 0:27:25 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
Ooh, I'm outraged! | 0:27:34 | 0:27:38 | |
You two are both in the doghouse. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:40 | |
Hang on, Larry. We've got an idea for another movie. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:43 | |
It's about a tribal drummer who falls in love | 0:27:43 | 0:27:47 | |
with a sweetie-eating cheerleader with hilarious consequences. | 0:27:47 | 0:27:52 | |
It's a tom-tom pom-pom bom-bom romcom. | 0:27:52 | 0:27:55 | |
LARRY: Stupid... | 0:27:55 | 0:27:57 | |
ignorant... | 0:27:57 | 0:27:59 | |
imbeciles | 0:27:59 | 0:28:01 | |
ignoramuses! | 0:28:01 | 0:28:03 | |
I love it! Here's the money! | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
# Diddy Movies... Yeah! # | 0:28:06 | 0:28:08 |
