2 Dimensions - A Rockumentary & Invasion Diddy Movies
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Lights! Camera! Action! | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# We're Diddy Dick and Dom | 0:00:04 | 0:00:05 | |
# And we're so excited! | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
# Our showbiz careers have been reignited | 0:00:07 | 0:00:11 | |
# We made it onto the silver screen | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
# With our Diddy Movies... # | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
-CROWD: -You're living the dream! | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
# We've been down on our luck | 0:00:17 | 0:00:18 | |
# We were burnt-out stars | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
# Flipping burgers and washing cars | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
# But we waved goodbye to all our cares | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
# Hello to Hollywood premieres... # | 0:00:26 | 0:00:30 | |
This time next year, you'll be millionaires! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
# Go, Diddy Movies...yeah! # | 0:00:33 | 0:00:37 | |
-LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY: -It's really them! | 0:00:37 | 0:00:40 | |
Auntie, it's really them! | 0:00:40 | 0:00:41 | |
Ahem...I mean, yes, folks, it's time for another Diddy Movie premiere. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:46 | |
Crank your amps up to 11 | 0:00:46 | 0:00:48 | |
as we go behind the scenes with the hottest boyband on the planet. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:53 | |
It's 2 Dimensions! | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
Argh! | 0:00:55 | 0:00:56 | |
I got a good feeling about this one, boys - | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
a fly-on-the-wall boyband pop-umentary. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
That's bound to get the girls screaming. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
Not just the girls, Larry. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
No - we want to get everybody screaming. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
You normally manage to do that. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
So which band did you get? | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
-JLS? -No, no, no. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:14 | |
-The Wanted? -No, no, no. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
-One Direction? -No, no, no. -No, no, no. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
No, it's better than that, Larry. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
We formed our own. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
SPLAT! | 0:01:23 | 0:01:24 | |
-You did WHAT? -We're... | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
BOTH: 2 Dimensions! | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
But...I never heard of you guys! | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
You've never heard of us YET, Larry. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
This movie's going to make us pop megastars. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:38 | |
Yes - soon, the whole world will know | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
that we're as good at singing as we are at making movies! | 0:01:40 | 0:01:44 | |
LARRY CRIES | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
Hey, you - what do you buy? | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
Webuyanymonkey.com accept payment in cash, cheque, credit card or bananas. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:14 | |
To speak with an operator, please dial... | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
-Ooh-ooh-ooh! -Ooh-ooh-ooh! | 0:02:18 | 0:02:19 | |
Larry, if you were a bit hairier, we'd make a fortune. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:24 | |
But I don't think they'd take gorillas. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:25 | |
What?! | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
Shush! Larry, look! It's starting! Starting, starting, starting! | 0:02:26 | 0:02:30 | |
They're the hottest boyband of the century | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
and you've got an access-all-areas backstage pass | 0:02:34 | 0:02:38 | |
to experience 2 Dimensions - live! | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
Of course, we always knew we were going to be famous. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
Even at the first audition, it was obvious - we had talent. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:51 | |
When you're as cool as us, it's only a matter of time. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:56 | |
The 2D journey began on popular TV show Call That Talent? | 0:02:56 | 0:03:00 | |
Hello, there. And what brings you to Call That Talent? | 0:03:00 | 0:03:04 | |
We are...2 Dimensions! | 0:03:04 | 0:03:08 | |
And we're going to blow your socks off. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
Great name - cos there's two of you, right? | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:15 | |
I soooo like things that I've got two of - | 0:03:15 | 0:03:19 | |
hands, feet... | 0:03:19 | 0:03:20 | |
-Brain cells? -Exactemento. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
Away you go, lads. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:25 | |
# We want to be famous | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
# We want to be rich | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
# We don't want to wait | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
# We want it dead quick | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
# We want cash in a stash | 0:03:36 | 0:03:37 | |
# We can splash at a dash | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
# With a hairy moustache | 0:03:39 | 0:03:40 | |
# And a very itchy rash | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
# We want to be famous | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
# Noooooooooooooo... | 0:03:45 | 0:03:54 | |
SCREAMING | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
# ..oooooooooow. # | 0:03:58 | 0:04:05 | |
Hang on, hang on - | 0:04:05 | 0:04:06 | |
you said you were going to blow our socks off. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
Well... | 0:04:08 | 0:04:09 | |
They're still on. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:12 | |
-Oh, yeah - nearly forgot. -Here you are. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:16 | |
FARTING | 0:04:16 | 0:04:17 | |
Ta-dah! | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
Well, lads, I can see now why you're called 2D. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
That singing was totally flat. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
CROWD GASPS | 0:04:27 | 0:04:28 | |
Your styling is soooo wrong. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
Ooh! | 0:04:31 | 0:04:32 | |
What do you think, Johnny Toaster? | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
Yeah, couldn't agree more. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:36 | |
Do you think he likes us? | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
Get out! And never sing again! | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
Everybody else, you're through to the next round. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
Well, of course, every band has its setbacks. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
But we weren't put off. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
We've had millions of people tell us we were brilliant. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
-Well... -Well, hundreds. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:54 | |
-Well... -Dozens. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:55 | |
-Well... -Well, one. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:57 | |
Yes, my Auntie Patty in America. | 0:04:57 | 0:04:59 | |
When he was three, he sang me... | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
# Heads, shoulders, knees and toes... # | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
..down the phone. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:05 | |
And then he wet himself - hmmm! | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
You see, the only way to deal with getting kicked off Call That Talent | 0:05:08 | 0:05:12 | |
was with dignity. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
No - please, give us another chance! | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
Please, please, please! | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
You lot wouldn't know talent | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
if it bit you | 0:05:24 | 0:05:25 | |
on...the...BUM! | 0:05:25 | 0:05:29 | |
And get that out of my face! | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
But it seemed our journey was over. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:36 | |
Oh, well! At least that was a quick one! | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
-See you later, boys! -Where you going? | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
It's only just started. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
HE CRIES | 0:05:44 | 0:05:45 | |
Who wants to be a pop star, anyway? | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
The fame. The money. The travel. The fancy parties. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:54 | |
Me! I want that, luvvie - me! | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
Yeah - me too. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
THEY CRY | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
I can make that happen for you. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
# I'll be your hero... # | 0:06:02 | 0:06:07 | |
Hang on - YOU told us to get lost. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
Hey, all part of the plan, guys. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:11 | |
See, I said that to make people feel sorry for you. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
What about what you said - "never sing again?" | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
Oh, well, I said that because you're terrible. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
-Fair point. -Hey - I'm making you my wild card act. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:21 | |
Everybody loves an underdog, right? Right? | 0:06:21 | 0:06:25 | |
Am I right? Huh? You're back in the competition. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
One, two, three, four... | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
The band sailed through the rest of the competition... | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
# We want to be famous | 0:06:33 | 0:06:34 | |
# We want to be rich | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
# We don't want to wait... | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
..through Disco Week... | 0:06:39 | 0:06:40 | |
# We want cash in a stash | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
# We could splash in a dash | 0:06:42 | 0:06:43 | |
# With a hairy moustache and a very itchy rash, rash, rash, rash... | 0:06:43 | 0:06:47 | |
..Country and Western... | 0:06:47 | 0:06:48 | |
# We want to be famous | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
# We want to be rich | 0:06:50 | 0:06:51 | |
# We don't want to wait... | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
..through Lady Doo-Doo Week... | 0:06:53 | 0:06:54 | |
# Blah, blah, blah, blah | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
# Blah, blah, wah-wah-wah... # | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
..all the way to the final. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
# We want to be famous | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
# We want to be rich | 0:07:04 | 0:07:05 | |
-# We want to be famous now! -Uh-huh. # | 0:07:05 | 0:07:09 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
This was it - the moment of truth... | 0:07:11 | 0:07:15 | |
How many sausages can one man fit into his mouth? | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
No! | 0:07:18 | 0:07:19 | |
But did we have enough talent to win the show? | 0:07:21 | 0:07:25 | |
Yeah, we did. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:26 | |
Shut up! They don't know that yet! | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
But did we? | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
-Yes, we did. -Shut up! | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
Well, did we? | 0:07:35 | 0:07:36 | |
-MOUTHS: -"Yes, we did!" | 0:07:37 | 0:07:38 | |
And the winner of Call That Talent is... | 0:07:38 | 0:07:44 | |
THEY MUTTER EXCITEDLY | 0:07:46 | 0:07:47 | |
Give it here! | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
Look, it says it there - "2 Dimensions!" | 0:08:00 | 0:08:04 | |
Oh! | 0:08:04 | 0:08:05 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:08:05 | 0:08:09 | |
Life for 2D was about to change. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
The guys were really going up in the world. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
Well done, guys. You're really going up in the world. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
Now, if there's anything you need, anything at all... | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
-Train set? -Anything. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:23 | |
-Sports car? -Yes, anything. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
Ballet lessons? | 0:08:25 | 0:08:26 | |
Yes! Anything. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
But first...you have to sign this contract. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:32 | |
Oh, yes! Why didn't you say? | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
-What? You don't want to read it, first? -Why would I? | 0:08:35 | 0:08:38 | |
We have complete confidence that you are a nice man | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
working in our best interests. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
TREVOR LAUGHS NERVOUSLY | 0:08:42 | 0:08:43 | |
And I can't read. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:44 | |
2 Dimensions rushed to the recording studio | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
to put their angelic voices on their first big hit. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
# You've got lovely eyes | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
# You've got lovely knees | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
# Say that you like me... # | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
'At first, we thought we were going to have a number two.' | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
Ha! You said number two! | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
But we ended up with a number one on our hands. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:05 | |
Ha! A number one? On our hands? | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
And then it was time for a huge public appearance. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:12 | |
# Say that you like me | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
# Pretty, pretty please. # | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
I declare this supermarket open! | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
HE SOBS | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
And finally, leading to a primetime TV slot. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
# Come for tea | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
# And smell my cheese | 0:09:26 | 0:09:28 | |
# Say that you like me | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
# Pretty, pretty please. # | 0:09:30 | 0:09:31 | |
SPLAT! | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
-There's something very familiar about that. -Yeah. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
No matter how big we got, fame wasn't going to change us. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
WHY ARE THERE RED ONES?! | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
I SAID NO RED ONES! | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
Sorry, sir. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
TREVOR LAUGHS | 0:09:49 | 0:09:50 | |
Well done, boys - you've made it to the top. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
Merthyr Tydfil's second-largest scout hut. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
Read my comic - NOW! | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
-Once upon a time... -PROPERLY. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
-IN A HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: -Once upon a time... | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
That's it, I've had enough, I'm bored - hop it. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
Nice to see fame hasn't gone to your heads. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
Oh, dib-dib-dib - here is tonight's takings. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
Oh! I'll take that off your hands, thank you very much. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
CRASH! | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
Come on, guys - it's show time! | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
Me - I'm first! | 0:10:21 | 0:10:22 | |
How dare you! I'm the star! | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
I'm a bigger star than you! | 0:10:25 | 0:10:26 | |
You have silly hair. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:27 | |
-I'm bigger! -Oh, get off! | 0:10:27 | 0:10:28 | |
ANNOUNCER: 2 Dimensions! | 0:10:28 | 0:10:33 | |
Ooh! | 0:10:37 | 0:10:38 | |
CROWD CHANTS: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
Ow! | 0:10:40 | 0:10:41 | |
CROWD CHANTS: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
Eee! | 0:10:43 | 0:10:44 | |
CROWD CHANTS: Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
Argh! | 0:10:46 | 0:10:47 | |
CROWD CHANTS: Argh! Argh! Argh! Argh! | 0:10:47 | 0:10:50 | |
-Eee! -Argh! | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
RUMBLING | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
SCREAMING | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
Where did everybody go? | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
CREAKING AND CRACKING | 0:11:00 | 0:11:01 | |
BOTH: Oh, piddle! | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
CRASH! | 0:11:04 | 0:11:05 | |
Was this the end for 2 Dimensions? | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
Please...please... | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
Of course it wasn't! | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
Oh... | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
Can't believe Trevor fired us. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
All we did was demolish a scout hut. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
It's not like we did anything serious. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
Oh...dob-dob-dob, you two owe Merthyr a new scout hut! | 0:11:22 | 0:11:27 | |
Yeah - you pay him, luvvie. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
But...what with? | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
The money that we made. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
But I thought you had it! | 0:11:33 | 0:11:35 | |
I thought you did. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:36 | |
Ah...that means... | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
BOTH: TREVOR'S GOT IT! | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
-No! -No! | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
SIREN WAILS | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
All right - what about this? | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
Was this the end for 2 Dimensions? | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
Oh, please... | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
Of course it wasn't! | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
Oh...don't keep getting my hopes up! | 0:11:55 | 0:11:58 | |
DOOR OPENS | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
It's OK - I paid all the bills. You're free to go. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:05 | |
But why would you do that? | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
Because you're back. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:08 | |
The single went to number one in America. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
You sold a million! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
Do we even have any fans in America? | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
You got one - I bought a million copies. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:19 | |
KAH-CHING! | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
Hey, look, I've got a US tour lined up and everything. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:24 | |
I'm mean, you've already sold out Broadway. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
Are you with me? | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
-We'd learned our lesson. -We were older and wiser. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:32 | |
We thought long and hard before making a decision. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:36 | |
-Yes! -We'll do anything! -Make us famous! | 0:12:36 | 0:12:39 | |
THEY YELL OVER EACH OTHER | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
And now, we're back where we belong | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
and we owe it all to the little people. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
What, like pixies and gnomes and that? | 0:12:46 | 0:12:48 | |
No! To our adoring fans. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:52 | |
Speaking of which, we've got a sell-out Broadway show to do. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
BOTH: Let's rock this joint! | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
WIND WHISTLES | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
I...I thought this was a sell-out? | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
Where is everyone? | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
I bought every single seat in the house! | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
Oh. Well, the only way is up. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:16 | |
# You've got lovely eyes | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
# You've got lovely knees | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
# Say that you like me | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
# Pretty, pretty please... # | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
OK, so is this the end for 2 Dimensions? | 0:13:25 | 0:13:29 | |
Yes! | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
I hope he doesn't wet himself. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
-# Why do you build me up -Build me up | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
# Buttercup, baby | 0:13:44 | 0:13:45 | |
-# Just to let me down -Let me down | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
# And mess me around | 0:13:48 | 0:13:49 | |
-# And then worst of all -Worst of all | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
# You never call, baby | 0:13:51 | 0:13:53 | |
-# When you say you will -Say you will | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
# But I love you still | 0:13:55 | 0:13:56 | |
-# I need you -I need you | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
# More than anyone, darlin' | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
# You know that I have from the start | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
-# So build me up -Build me up | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
# Buttercup, don't break my heart. # | 0:14:06 | 0:14:09 | |
Good golly, Miss Molly! | 0:14:12 | 0:14:13 | |
It's time for another Diddy Movie premiere. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
And please remember to switch off your mobile phones. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:14:19 | 0:14:20 | |
Oh, hello, Mum! | 0:14:20 | 0:14:21 | |
Yes, I'm just reminding them. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
Yes, it is very annoying. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
Ahem - tonight's movie, the Earth-splattering Invasion! | 0:14:25 | 0:14:29 | |
Mr Weinsteinburger, we'd like to say thank you to you | 0:14:29 | 0:14:33 | |
for being so understanding. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:34 | |
-I was? -Yes, luvvie, | 0:14:34 | 0:14:37 | |
for letting us go SO over budget on our latest movie. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:41 | |
WHAAAAT?! | 0:14:41 | 0:14:46 | |
Don't worry though, Larry, we're going to pay you back. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:50 | |
There you go - £1. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
Oh, £1 - that's not so bad. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
And we'll continue to pay you £1 every week | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
for the next 3 million weeks, luvvie. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:00 | |
WHAAAAT?! | 0:15:00 | 0:15:04 | |
Oh... | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
DICK AND DOM GIGGLE | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
What a naughty sausage. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:11 | |
Have you ever thought about the money you have tied up in soft furnishings? | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
Ever thought that you could literally be sitting on a feathery gold mine? | 0:15:17 | 0:15:20 | |
Whether your cushions are flat or plumped, send them to us at... | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
# Cash 4 Cushions | 0:15:23 | 0:15:24 | |
# Where you get cash for your cushions | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
# Unless they're really old or sweaty | 0:15:27 | 0:15:30 | |
# In which case | 0:15:30 | 0:15:32 | |
# We won't give you cash | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
# For your cushions. # | 0:15:34 | 0:15:35 | |
That's right! | 0:15:35 | 0:15:36 | |
# Cash 4 Cushions | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
# Where you get cash for your cushions | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
# Unless they're really old or sweaty | 0:15:41 | 0:15:44 | |
# In which case | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
# We won't give you cash | 0:15:46 | 0:15:47 | |
# For your cushions. # | 0:15:47 | 0:15:49 | |
That's right! | 0:15:49 | 0:15:50 | |
# Cash for cushions | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
# Where you get cash for your cushions... # | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
# Cash for cushions | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
# Where you get ca... | 0:15:57 | 0:15:58 | |
# For your... # | 0:15:58 | 0:15:59 | |
Oh! Look, it's starting! | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
And this time, Larry, we've recorded the movie | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
in surround sound. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:07 | |
-IN SURROUND SOUND: -Surround sound. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:10 | |
Who said that? | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
No, Larry - it was the surround sound. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
Surround sound. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
Who said that?! | 0:16:17 | 0:16:18 | |
-The surround sound! -Surround sound. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
-Surround sound. -Surround sound. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:25 | |
Oh. The surround sound. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
-Who said that? -Who said that? | 0:16:28 | 0:16:29 | |
Diddy Movies Presents... | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
FLY BUZZES | 0:16:45 | 0:16:46 | |
GULP! | 0:16:46 | 0:16:47 | |
CLANKING | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
Ai-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee! | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
You look so ugly! | 0:17:10 | 0:17:11 | |
That's right - you've got a face like a squashed hamburger. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
Do you mind? | 0:17:15 | 0:17:17 | |
Greetings, puny... | 0:17:19 | 0:17:20 | |
Arrggghhhh! | 0:17:20 | 0:17:21 | |
THUD! | 0:17:21 | 0:17:22 | |
-Ooh! -Ooh! -Ooh! | 0:17:22 | 0:17:24 | |
HE GRUNTS | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
Agh! Oh... | 0:17:32 | 0:17:33 | |
All right? | 0:17:34 | 0:17:35 | |
Greetings, puny life forms! | 0:17:37 | 0:17:41 | |
I have travelled far | 0:17:41 | 0:17:42 | |
from the galaxy of Neeeeeeeow | 0:17:42 | 0:17:46 | |
to get here. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:47 | |
I have come in the name of the High Emperor, Yak-Yak-Snuff, | 0:17:47 | 0:17:51 | |
in association with Venus Cold and Flu Remedies. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
Uh...good day, interesting-looking traveller from another galaxy. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
I am the Prime Minister of this part of what we humbly call Earth, | 0:17:59 | 0:18:04 | |
and I welcome you with open arms. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
Oh! | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
Thank you, Pram Meister, for your rubbish welcome. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
I claim your puny Earth | 0:18:13 | 0:18:17 | |
and rename it... | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
Chloe III. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
Bow down before Spork - your new leader! | 0:18:21 | 0:18:27 | |
SLURP! | 0:18:27 | 0:18:28 | |
Oh! | 0:18:28 | 0:18:29 | |
GULP! | 0:18:29 | 0:18:30 | |
All right, guys - let it have it! | 0:18:32 | 0:18:35 | |
Behold my powerful mind waves of doom! | 0:18:35 | 0:18:40 | |
SOUND PULSES | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
CROWD STARTS YODELLING | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
I've been observing the limits of your pathetic brains - | 0:18:52 | 0:18:56 | |
your free WiFi, | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
your grated cheese, | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
your limited parking facilities. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
You're no match for Spork! | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
Kneel before me. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:09 | |
-Look! -What? | 0:19:09 | 0:19:10 | |
There's another one! | 0:19:10 | 0:19:13 | |
CRASH! | 0:19:13 | 0:19:14 | |
Oh! | 0:19:14 | 0:19:16 | |
Well, I didn't see that coming. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:18 | |
Actually, I did see that coming. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:21 | |
And...I can see your car | 0:19:21 | 0:19:22 | |
is about to get stolen. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:23 | |
What?! | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
What's that? | 0:19:34 | 0:19:35 | |
All right, everybody? | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
Nobody move. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
SCREAMING | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
I said...nobody...move. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:46 | |
MORE SCREAMING | 0:19:46 | 0:19:47 | |
Oi! Whoever you are, can you stop vaporising my people? | 0:19:47 | 0:19:52 | |
I've travelled here today from the galaxy of... | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
HE BARKS AND HOWLS | 0:19:55 | 0:19:59 | |
..to be here. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
I've done that! | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
So let's make some noise! | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
-Oi! -Oh, hello. I'm Cindy. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:13 | |
Tough crowd, these Earthlings, aren't they? | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 | |
Actually, it's not Earth any more. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
I changed its name to Chloe III when I landed here - FIRST - | 0:20:17 | 0:20:20 | |
when I became leader - FIRST! | 0:20:20 | 0:20:24 | |
All right - chillax, buddy. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
Why don't we share it? | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
We could rule this rock together - Spork and Cindy. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:32 | |
No! Now, push off, | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
you...splodge-peeper. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:38 | |
Oh... | 0:20:38 | 0:20:39 | |
Crubb-muncher! | 0:20:39 | 0:20:40 | |
Ho-ho! Both off to a solid start there. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:43 | |
Nothing too flashy, but all still to play for. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:47 | |
Fumbly-whelcher! | 0:20:47 | 0:20:48 | |
Crubb-nuzzler! | 0:20:49 | 0:20:50 | |
Jip-luberer! | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
Wib-tackler! | 0:20:53 | 0:20:54 | |
Oh-ho! My word! | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
Where did he find that one? He totally powned him! | 0:20:56 | 0:20:59 | |
Z-Z-Znacker...fnarb! | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
PENALTY BUZZER | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
No, no, he's in serious trouble here. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
Ooble-grinder! | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
Dangle-knottle! | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
Brunki-nobbler! | 0:21:10 | 0:21:11 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
Oh-ho-ho! Well, at the end of the day, | 0:21:14 | 0:21:17 | |
the best spog-noggler won. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:18 | |
Up next, yeti wrestling. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
Silence! | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
That doesn't count - I was here first, | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
so I'm going to be the leader. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:26 | |
Well, I am a hunky hotty, so that makes me the leader. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:31 | |
Oh! | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
-Guttle-sucker! -Whatevs! | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
Uh...hello, mighty aliens. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
Us worthless shoe-dwelling humans | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
have noticed that Your Magnificences | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
aren't quite seeing eye to eye... | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
..to eye to eye to eye to eye...to eye...to eye | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
over this. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:58 | |
So I would be honoured to set you some human challenges, | 0:21:58 | 0:22:03 | |
the winner of which could rule us for all eternity. What do you say? | 0:22:03 | 0:22:06 | |
Hm... | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
Hm... | 0:22:08 | 0:22:09 | |
Oh, splendid! | 0:22:09 | 0:22:10 | |
Challenge one in the fight to rule the planet - | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
cake baking. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:15 | |
CINDY GIGGLES AND SPORK SMIRKS | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
CINDY LAUGHS | 0:22:21 | 0:22:22 | |
Ah! | 0:22:36 | 0:22:37 | |
Here! | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
Did you touch my cake? | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
No... | 0:22:46 | 0:22:48 | |
OK, well, let's see how they got on. | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
Mmm... | 0:22:55 | 0:22:57 | |
Hm - oh, yeah. Interesting. | 0:22:57 | 0:22:59 | |
I'm getting, um...burnt fish. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
Hairy pork? | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
And, um... | 0:23:04 | 0:23:05 | |
Ooh! Gravel! | 0:23:05 | 0:23:06 | |
Hm, yes. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
Ooh - looks interesting. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
Hm... | 0:23:10 | 0:23:11 | |
Hm...mmm... | 0:23:13 | 0:23:15 | |
With this one, I'm getting...I'm getting... | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
I'm getting... | 0:23:19 | 0:23:20 | |
TUMMY RUMBLES | 0:23:20 | 0:23:21 | |
..the runs, so... | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
Spork takes the first challenge...1-0! | 0:23:23 | 0:23:26 | |
Challenge two - written test. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
Right, then - we'll have NO talking, | 0:23:33 | 0:23:36 | |
no diving, no petting, no bombing | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
and try not to eat your exam papers. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:42 | |
GULP! | 0:23:48 | 0:23:49 | |
-SIGHING: -Begin. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
Spork? | 0:23:54 | 0:23:55 | |
CINDY SNIFFS | 0:23:55 | 0:23:56 | |
CINDY SNORTS | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
Oh, no! Sir, he's done snots on my test, sir! | 0:23:58 | 0:24:02 | |
Bogies! | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
Do I get an extra point for shouting that? | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
No, he doesn't! | 0:24:07 | 0:24:08 | |
SPORK SNORTS | 0:24:10 | 0:24:11 | |
Right! You're both disqualified for covering everything with bogies! | 0:24:21 | 0:24:26 | |
You lose all your points! | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
-Oh, but sir...! -Oh, sir! | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
All right, half a point each - now go and wash your nostrils! | 0:24:30 | 0:24:35 | |
So, we come to the decider. It's neck and neck - | 0:24:36 | 0:24:40 | |
if, indeed, those are necks. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
The winner of this gets to rule Earth. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:45 | |
Challenge three... | 0:24:45 | 0:24:47 | |
Skydiving! | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
Yaaaay! | 0:24:56 | 0:24:58 | |
Ooooh! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
SCREAMING | 0:25:02 | 0:25:03 | |
-Hey, Cindy - you know what I've done? -What? | 0:25:03 | 0:25:07 | |
-I've swapped your parachute. -Eh?! | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
I've swapped your parachute for... | 0:25:09 | 0:25:13 | |
..a trombone. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:16 | |
SPORK LAUGHS | 0:25:16 | 0:25:17 | |
Now Earth - I mean, Chloe III - is mine! | 0:25:17 | 0:25:20 | |
-You know what I've done? -What? | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
I've swapped your parachute, too! | 0:25:23 | 0:25:25 | |
GOAT BLEATS | 0:25:25 | 0:25:28 | |
-I guess this is the end, then. -Yep. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:31 | |
I'm sorry, buddy. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:32 | |
I should never have tried to take over your planet. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:35 | |
Oh, no - it's my fault. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
I should have shared it. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:38 | |
-Friends? -Friends. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:42 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Only joking! Lame-o! | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
Yeah! Me too...uh... | 0:25:45 | 0:25:47 | |
BOTH: Knicker elastic! | 0:25:49 | 0:25:53 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:25:53 | 0:25:55 | |
Oh, yeah! | 0:25:59 | 0:26:01 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:01 | 0:26:03 | |
The Prime Minister's plan worked - | 0:26:05 | 0:26:06 | |
the aliens destroyed each other and as I speak, | 0:26:06 | 0:26:09 | |
they're being scraped off the pavement like pancakes. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:11 | |
RETCHING AND SPLATTERING | 0:26:11 | 0:26:13 | |
Your Majesty, people of Earth... | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
..Mum. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:24 | |
We're saved! | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:27 | 0:26:29 | |
And I am proud to stand here in front of all of you and say... | 0:26:29 | 0:26:34 | |
CRASH! | 0:26:34 | 0:26:36 | |
SCREAMING | 0:26:36 | 0:26:37 | |
What a dump! | 0:26:41 | 0:26:42 | |
BLEEPING | 0:26:45 | 0:26:48 | |
# Starships were meant to fly... # | 0:26:50 | 0:26:54 | |
Well, Larry - what did you think? | 0:26:58 | 0:27:01 | |
What about you lot? What did you think, eh? | 0:27:04 | 0:27:07 | |
BOOING AND YELLING | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
BOOING AND YELLING CONTINUES | 0:27:22 | 0:27:24 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:27:26 | 0:27:28 | |
I'm ruined! Ruined, I tell you! | 0:27:32 | 0:27:36 | |
Actually, Mr Weinsteinburger, we've got a new idea for a movie. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:40 | |
And this one's got...second-hand soap. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:44 | |
'That's the worst idea that stinks out the whole universe! | 0:27:46 | 0:27:50 | |
'I've never...I...' | 0:27:50 | 0:27:52 | |
I love it! | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
Here's the money! | 0:27:54 | 0:27:55 | |
# Go, Diddy Movies - yeah! # | 0:27:55 | 0:27:58 |