That's What You Think Diddy TV
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Transcript
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# Larry Weinsteinberger, the Diddy Movies' boss | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
# The small screen is the future for those with any vision | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
# With Larry's bottom dollar He's launched a TV station | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
# Packed with creativity, style and innovation | 0:00:16 | 0:00:20 | |
# Diddy TV! Diddy TV! Channel 6597423 | 0:00:20 | 0:00:26 | |
# A brand-new rival for the BBC | 0:00:26 | 0:00:30 | |
# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV! # | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
-..presenter... -Who's the presenter? -..presenter... | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
-You be the presenter! -..the presenter... | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
Hello and welcome to That's What You Think, | 0:00:39 | 0:00:44 | |
the show where you, the Diddy viewer, | 0:00:44 | 0:00:45 | |
tell us what you think about our TV programmes. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:48 | |
Lovely, jubbly, top-notch telly, like this. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:51 | |
Time for your views, whether they be praise or complaints... | 0:01:22 | 0:01:26 | |
Complaints, always complaints. The happy ones never write in! | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
..whether you love them or hate them... | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
Hate! Always hate! Bunch of whiners. Wah-wah-wah! Boo-hoo-hoo! | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
..we're always happy to hear form you. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
No, you're not. You said earlier that you'd rather go... | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
-...than do this show. -Will you shut up?! | 0:01:44 | 0:01:48 | |
Or we'll get complaints about the complaints! | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
And then we'll be here all day. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
Time for our first complaint...I mean opinion! | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
No, complaint. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:57 | |
Dear That's What You Think, why, oh, why, oh, why... | 0:01:57 | 0:02:02 | |
is how you spell my name. My name is Mr Yoyoy | 0:02:02 | 0:02:06 | |
and I would like to complain... | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Told you! | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
...about the rude and disgusting shows on Diddy TV! | 0:02:10 | 0:02:14 | |
Hmm, a viewer there who thinks that our shows contain moments | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
that are rude and disgusting, but, BUT...is he right? | 0:02:17 | 0:02:21 | |
Let's have a look at some of those rude and disgusting bits. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
MUSIC PLAYS | 0:02:26 | 0:02:31 | |
DOM BURPS IN TIME TO MUSIC | 0:02:31 | 0:02:39 | |
-JUDGES: -Three...two...one. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
Whoo-ee! Man, I just gots to try that again! | 0:03:05 | 0:03:09 | |
On a cold, wet day, | 0:03:12 | 0:03:16 | |
what could be better than a nice cup full of Diddy tomato ketchup? | 0:03:16 | 0:03:22 | |
Mmm...tomato ketchup. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
Mmm...ketchup. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
Ooh...tomato ketchup. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:43 | |
Mmm! Ketchup! | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
Ooh! Tomato ketchup! | 0:03:49 | 0:03:54 | |
Ooh... | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
Ketchup! | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
DICK BURPS | 0:03:59 | 0:04:00 | |
It's lovely! | 0:04:00 | 0:04:01 | |
DICK AND DOM LAUGH | 0:04:01 | 0:04:05 | |
Well, I can safely say that there are moments on Diddy TV | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
that are indeed rude... | 0:04:08 | 0:04:09 | |
DICK AND DOM LAUGH | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
..and disgusting! | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
But, with my hand on my heart, | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
we would like to say to those of you who are offended... | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
DICK BLOWS A RASPBERRY | 0:04:19 | 0:04:26 | |
Well, I think that's handled that complaint really well. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
Right, bring on the next one. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:31 | |
Oh, no! Not him again! What's he moaning about this time? | 0:04:31 | 0:04:35 | |
Dear That's What You Think, | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
I've only got one word to describe what I saw on Diddy TV last night - | 0:04:37 | 0:04:42 | |
silly. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Stupid. Foolish. Asinine. Inane! Harebrained! | 0:04:44 | 0:04:50 | |
Crackpotted, nitwitted, knuckleheaded, featherbrained | 0:04:50 | 0:04:54 | |
and downright ridiculous! | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
Well, it seems I have several words to describe | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
what I saw on Diddy TV last night, but it all boils down to one thing - | 0:05:00 | 0:05:05 | |
it's just plain daft! | 0:05:05 | 0:05:09 | |
-DICK AND DOM LAUGH -Get off! No, stop that! Stop it! No! | 0:05:12 | 0:05:16 | |
Well, I don't know where anyone could get the idea | 0:05:16 | 0:05:19 | |
that we are silly, but take a look at the next clip | 0:05:19 | 0:05:22 | |
-and you'll see how clever we are! -APPLAUSE | 0:05:22 | 0:05:26 | |
So, it's time for the general knowledge round. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
Your time starts now. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
By what nickname is the actor Humphrey Bogart known? | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
-Bogey. -Correct. What is the score of one over par in golf? | 0:05:33 | 0:05:38 | |
Bogey. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:39 | |
Correct. A nameless creature invoked to scare children into behaving | 0:05:39 | 0:05:43 | |
is known as a what man? | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
Bogey! DOM SNIGGERS | 0:05:46 | 0:05:47 | |
Correct. What is the name of the metal framework | 0:05:47 | 0:05:50 | |
that houses the wheels of a train? | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
-Bogey! -Correct. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
What codename is given to an unidentified object | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
on a radar screen? | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
Bogey! | 0:05:59 | 0:06:00 | |
Correct. The famous tune featured in the film Bridge Over The River Kwai | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
is the Colonel what? | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
BOGEY! | 0:06:05 | 0:06:09 | |
Correct. What river is a tributary of the River Deveron | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
in north-east Scotland? | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
BOGEY! | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
Correct. What is the name of the award given in Germany to films... | 0:06:17 | 0:06:21 | |
-END OF ROUND BUZZER -I've started, so I'll finish. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
What is the name of the award given in Germany to | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
films that have been seen by over 1,000,000 people? | 0:06:25 | 0:06:29 | |
-BOTH: -BOGEY! | 0:06:29 | 0:06:36 | |
Correct. At the end of that round you have eight points | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
with no passes, which means you win today's special prize of a giant... | 0:06:38 | 0:06:42 | |
-BOTH: -BOGEY! | 0:06:42 | 0:06:49 | |
Correct! | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
So, Diddy Dick, if you'd like to, erm, get us started... | 0:06:53 | 0:06:58 | |
Consonant, consonant, vowel, vowel, consonant, consonant, | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
vowel, consonant, consonant. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:02 | |
Right. And your 30 seconds starts...now. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:05 | |
COUNTDOWN THEME PLAYS | 0:07:05 | 0:07:10 | |
That was quick! | 0:07:10 | 0:07:11 | |
So, Diddy Dom, what have you got? | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
Nine. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
Nine. And Diddy Dick? | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
Nine. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
So, Diddy Dom, what's your nine? | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
-Faufbjelk. -What does that mean? | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
It's the act...of milking a tortoise. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:28 | |
Right, and Diddy Dick? | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
Faufbj-elk. It means to eat a pen lid. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:35 | |
Right. I think, erm, let's just confirm this with Dictionary Corner. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:43 | |
Faufbjelk, with a silent B, erm, means to lasso a pig. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:47 | |
And, er, Faufbjelk, with a silent F, is, erm, | 0:07:49 | 0:07:53 | |
the act of milking a tortoise with a pen lid. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:56 | |
-Hmm... -There's another nine-letter word! -Mmm? | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
Jeffbaulk! It means in your face, Nick! | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
Yeah, Nick! | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
Right, well, here's today's Conundrum. Goodbye. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:09 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:08:09 | 0:08:14 | |
All right. To be fair, some people might have found some of that | 0:08:16 | 0:08:20 | |
-a little bit silly. -But where do we draw the line? | 0:08:20 | 0:08:24 | |
For example, is this silly? | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
Whatever the case, we put your complaint to the top man at Diddy TV | 0:08:34 | 0:08:38 | |
and here's what he said. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
Silly? Too right, they're silly. They're completely out of control. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:45 | |
I'd give my right arm to have them act mature. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:49 | |
Mature is today's secret gunge word! | 0:08:49 | 0:08:54 | |
Uh-oh! | 0:08:54 | 0:08:57 | |
Remember, never work with children or animals... | 0:09:00 | 0:09:05 | |
or Diddies. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:06 | |
Collectamups! Collectamups! | 0:09:08 | 0:09:11 | |
Have you collected them all? | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
All of them? Really? You think so? | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
New, Collectamup Extreeeemes! Collect them all! | 0:09:18 | 0:09:22 | |
Forget about the old ones - they're rubbish! | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
Collect these new ones! Starbucket! | 0:09:24 | 0:09:27 | |
Romface! Stringworm! | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
Piddle-poddle! Poddle-piddle! Piddle-tiddle-woddle-boddle! | 0:09:29 | 0:09:32 | |
Too late! | 0:09:34 | 0:09:35 | |
Evil Weevil! Mattapakka! | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Star-eyed-pantypacker! | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
Fiddle-faddle! Twiddle-twaddle! | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
On-past-push! | 0:09:41 | 0:09:42 | |
Some are limited edition! | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
Some are so rare they don't even exist! | 0:09:45 | 0:09:49 | |
Just collect them all! | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
Unless you're a loser! | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
Mum! I need some money! | 0:09:55 | 0:10:00 | |
And, once you've got them all, | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
we'll release the next lot! | 0:10:02 | 0:10:05 | |
Collectamup Fuzzbuzzards! We'll never stop! | 0:10:05 | 0:10:09 | |
Collect them all! Ha-ha-ha! | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
You can't! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
Your Jungle Trial today is... | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
Beast Feast. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
Ooh, sounds nasty. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
Fingers crossed! | 0:10:22 | 0:10:23 | |
To win your stars, you must eat all of the dishes in front of you. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:27 | |
Dish one - spicy kangaroo feet. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:34 | |
-Is that it? -We had a family bucket of these this morning! | 0:10:34 | 0:10:38 | |
Come on, we need more drama! | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
-We demand the worst... -The worst. -..most disgusting... -Disgusting. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
-..most slimy... -Slimy. -..thing in this jungle, right now! | 0:10:45 | 0:10:49 | |
-BOTH: -Ooh... | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
Think of the fame. | 0:10:57 | 0:10:58 | |
See you in the middle, Brian. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
-# I don't care if you're full, just eat it -Eat it -Eat it -Eat it | 0:11:00 | 0:11:05 | |
# Open up your mouth and feed it | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
# Have a big dinner, have a light snack | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
# If you don't like it, you can't send it back | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
# Just eat it! # | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
-Grim. -But was that enough to make us properly famous? | 0:11:16 | 0:11:21 | |
Ah... | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
-BOTH: -Nothing. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
You know what we should eat, Kurt? | 0:11:25 | 0:11:26 | |
-What? -Ourselves! | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
Nice! | 0:11:28 | 0:11:29 | |
-# Just eat it -eat it -Eat it -eat it | 0:11:29 | 0:11:33 | |
# Open up your mouth and feed it | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
-# Just eat it! # -APPLAUSE | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
CRASH! | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
Rubbish! Total Tripe! Don't know why I keep watching! | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
Oh, I suppose you can do better then, can you? | 0:12:44 | 0:12:48 | |
Yeah. Do you think it's easy trying to please everyone at the same time? | 0:12:48 | 0:12:52 | |
Try being in our shoes for once. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
All right, I will. Ha-ha-ha! | 0:12:55 | 0:12:58 | |
I thought you'd never ask. Ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
How did you do that? | 0:13:09 | 0:13:10 | |
-Hup, hup, hup, hup... -Ooh, nice... Whee! -Ooh... | 0:13:14 | 0:13:19 | |
-Yippee! -On TV! -Whee! | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
-Hang on... -Oi! -Oi, what are you doing? | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
-How do we get out? -Let us out! -Oi! | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
Got you! | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
-I don't want to be in here. -Here, what are you doing? -We love you! | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
-Let us out! -Let us out of here! | 0:13:29 | 0:13:33 | |
That's better. And now, on YOYOY TV, time for some comedy entertainment. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:39 | |
First, ahem, some farmyard impressions... | 0:13:39 | 0:13:44 | |
HE IMITATES A COW MOOING | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
HE IMITATES A SHEEP BLEATING | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
HE IMITATES A DOG BARKING | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
HE IMITATES AN ELEPHANT TRUMPETING | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
HE IMITATES A BIRD SQUAWKING | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
HE IMITATES A BIRD CHIRPING | 0:13:58 | 0:14:01 | |
Now, that's entertainment! | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV! # | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 |
