Let It Go Diddy TV

# Larry Weinsteinberger, the Diddy Movies boss

# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss

# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television

# The small screen is the future for those with any vision

# With Larry's bottom dollar, he's launched a TV station

# Packed with creativity, style and innovation

# Diddy TV, Diddy TV

# Channel 6597423

# A brand-new rival for the BBC

# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #

We've well and truly snookered ourselves on Diddy TV now,

since it's time for snooker.

Hello, it's here at last,

the final session of this year's World Snooker Championship,

and I can tell you there is a huge sense of anticipation about this.

I've been joined by former world champion Diddy Shaun Murphy.

-Hello, Shaun.

-Hello, Hazel.

Now, what about out finalists, Ronnie O'Notagain and Juddery Trump?

What do you make of this matchup?

Well, this match has got added spice.

I really can't wait for it to start.

They have had some really good matches recently and on a couple

of those occasions, Juddery Trump has come from nowhere

to nick it on the line.

So Ronnie will have the utmost respect for him

and he will have the utmost respect for Ronnie.

I agree. Thank you, Shaun.

Well, after 16 long days, it has all come down to this.

Let's get straight to our commentators,

John Pisces and Clive Liverpool.

So, you join us with Juddery to break.

That's not the best of starts.

Foul. Four, Ronnie O'Notagain.

No, it's not, Clive, he'll be kicking himself about that.

It's very disappointing.

Well, this looks like an open door here for Ronnie.

Foul and a miss.

Four, Juddery Trump.

I'd say it's very much a closed door, Clive.

Foul, four...

Safety has never really been Trump's game.

Go on, Juddery! >

Shh. Quiet, please.

Well, I think he is looking to kiss off the red here

and screw it back for the black.

And I think he can do that.

But not like that.

Well, we have to leave our coverage here on Diddy TV but you can

continue to watch by closing your eyes and using your imagination.

So, Bruno, what did you think?

That had no place on the TV screen.

Oh, dear.

It should be on a cinema screen, Larry!

Oh, that's brilliant!

A cinema screen that is about to be hit by a meteorite.

Oh...

A meteorite filled with little aliens who will take

the programme into space.

Oh, brilliant! Brilliant!

Where I will never have got to see it again.

So, did you like it or not?

-Yes!

-Hoorah!

Do you want a hand choosing the best burger? Then come on down to...

Hand Burger Prince.

Yes, we at Hand Burger Prince uses only the best

organic, free-range,

freshest hands in our hand burgers.

Here is your hand burger.

Oi, that's got a plaster on it!

Sorry, wrong hand.

Ignore the writing, that is my shopping list.

Oh, yeah, that's more like it.

Arrrgh!

We have double hand burgers.

A veggie burger.

Hand burgers with our special sauce.

I didn't wash it after I went to the toilet.

Disgusting!

And because our staff are running out of hands,

coming soon, the foot burger.

Wonderful verruca burger with fried bunion rings

and extra cheese.

-Oh...

-They're delicious.

Hello and welcome to Diddypops.

This one is a timeless classic from all the way back in 2K13 -

ask your grandparents.

Here with every princess's favourite song,

please give it up for Diddy Diane and the Jitters.

Let It Go.

APPLAUSE

HE PLAYS PIANO

# The snow glows white on the mountain tonight

# Not a footprint to be seen

# A kingdom of isolation

# And it looks like I'm the queen

# The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside

# Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried

# It's time to see what I can do

# To test the limits and break through

# No right, no wrong, no rules for me

# I'm free

# Let it go, let it go

# I am one with the wind and sky

# Let it go, let it go

# You'll never see me cry

# Here I stand in the light of day

# Let the storm rage on

# The cold never bothered me anyway. #

SHE SCREAMS

Fear and danger now as we struggle to live through watching Diddy 60.

Hi, I'm Dick Fearless and this is Deadly Diddy 60,

where I find 60 of the most scariest Diddy animals in the world

and throw them at Dom.

In today's episode, I present to you the razorback rat.

Hold it, hold it, hooooold it!

Ah, Dom, I've been waiting for you.

Do you want the stinky cheese or the squeaky hammer?

I don't want either. Oh, squeaky hammer.

SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

He seems to like it. So, in you get.

No, not today,

cos I've got something terrifying for you.

Hold on, I do the animals, you do the stroking, that's the deal.

Yeah, well, I fancied a change.

You are fearless, aren't you?

Of course! What have you got?

Only the most terrifying creature in the world.

Bring it on!

I have done spitting squirrels, exploding koala bears,

the fanged ferrets of Fife. Well, you have. I have just watched.

Same difference, really. There ain't nothing out there that scares me.

Brilliant. Here's my mum.

Did I mention she is not very happy about all the horrible things

-you have made me do?

-What have you been doing

to my poor little Dommy-Wommy?

I can explain...

Well, Mummy, there was the vampire snakes...

-Ooh!

-..killer spiders...

-Ah!

-..there was those piranha sharks.

-Oh!

-Oh, naughty boy, take that!

-Ah!

-And that!

-Oh!

-And that!

-Argh!

You sock it to him, Mama!

See you next time.

And until then, dare to be scared.

Oh, don't forget about the boa constrictor budgie!

Keep going till you get to 60.

I love Diddy 60. It's one of my favourites, Bruno.

-What about you?

-This was a cornucopia for the eyes,

a visual treat that sizzled my senses and tingled my tummy.

Right, yeah. And that's a good thing, is it?

Larry, is the Mona Lisa good?

Is David Beckham good?

How can you define good when you're in the presence of something

that redefines the very meaning of the word television?

OK, yeah.

-So you liked it?

-This does not come down to like or not like.

This is beyond like.

This is something that bypasses the brain

and goes straight to the heart.

-So you liked it?

-Maybe.

In the way a puppy likes a daffodil.

Are you looking for their cheapest flights ever? How about this?

Florida, two quid!

Australia, £1.83 for a family of four!

France, 1p!

Actually, that was a little bit overpriced.

But, do you see?

Oh, hi, yeah, got a first-class return to Tokyo.

-Oh, the 62p ticket.

-Yeah.

-Just climb in here, please, sir.

-OK, yeah.

Uh, where are the seatbelts?

How's this? Fire!

Waaaaah!

Next!

-Hawaii!

-Climb in.

Ready?

Hey, where's my in-flight drink?

-Thank you.

-Fire!

Aaaaargh!

Cheapest flights ever!

Hey, don't take my word for it, here's a satisfied customer.

HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY

Ha-ha, I have no idea what he just said!

Argh!

Catapult Airlines.

# He's a robot, he's their pop

# He's Robopop. #

Oh, man! Oh, man, I'm going to be late.

I'm going to be late for school.

Oh, it's...

5am! Consider yourself pranked, little bro.

I set your alarm clock forward three hours.

# He's Robopop. #

Engage emergency protocol five.

This unit is late for primary function.

Did you by any chance put Pop's internal processor forward

-three hours too?

-Sure did.

You can call me President Prank because in this house, I rule.

Zingo!

APPLAUSE

It's still early, Pop. Suzy pranked us.

My internal processor runs on an atomic beryllium clock.

It is never wrong.

Although X-ray sensors indicate it is still dark outside. Oops!

I wish I could prank Suzy just once.

I can help you there, son.

Your pop knows a prank or two.

-Pull my finger.

-Oh, sure, Pop.

Aaaaah!

Ha-ha-ha, I've still got it!

-Are you sure this is going to work, Pop?

-Trust me!

Tru-tru-tru-trust me!

Run programme 5318008.

Now my brain's in the calculator.

Hey, this is a nice little number I'm wearing.

Managed to catch up on your beauty sleep? Guess not!

Zinga-ringa ding-dong!

Oh, Suzy, you are a riot.

Oh, hey, did I tell you how my new calculator can also tell fortunes?

Really? Let me see.

You will drop out of high school and your nose will drop off too.

Oh, no! Pop has downloaded himself onto the calculator.

Quick, get him out!

Pop, speak to us!

# Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do... #

VOICE DIES

Oh, no, we wiped Pop's brain!

Don't let Mom know.

Know what, honey?

Oh, uh, that Pop is trying to break

the world record for, uh, musical statues.

(Pop's got a backup disk.)

Holiday photos, Billy Joel's greatest hits.

Tempting, but no.

Oh, emergency personality reboot.

Here it goes.

WHIRRING

BEEPING

LASERS FIRE

-DEEP MONOTONE:

-Hard drive reinstalled.

Hostile life forms detected.

Eliminate hostiles.

Now, honey, just because you've failed your world record

is no reason to be grouchy.

Mom, get down!

ELECTRONIC THRUMMING

Prepare to be...

-REGULAR VOICE:

-..well and truly pranked.

I've still got it!

Robopop!

Oh, now, come on, a classic American sitcom we can all be proud of.

If proud is the right word.

It is, I'm telling you it is.

-So, what did you think, Bruno?

-Well...

-Yeah, in one word.

-Just one word?

-One.

Fantabulasticabdunculatrullablla.

-That's cheating.

-I know.

Well, that's it for today.

If you've enjoyed watching Diddy TV, then please

see someone about it at once.

# Diddy TV, Diddy TV

# Channel 6597423

# A brand-new rival for the BBC

# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #

Oh, Ronnie's still struggling to find his form here at the Crucible.

Foul, four. Juddery Trump.

Yes, that's right, Clive, and the pressure is really starting to tell.

I can't take this any more! Argh! Rah!

He's absolutely lost it.

Can't even hit the ball!

He certainly has. This is...extraordinary.

-Oh, got one in.

-And a fine shot.

# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #