Let It Go Diddy TV


Let It Go

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# Larry Weinsteinberger, the Diddy Movies boss

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# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss

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# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television

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# The small screen is the future for those with any vision

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# With Larry's bottom dollar, he's launched a TV station

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# Packed with creativity, style and innovation

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# Diddy TV, Diddy TV

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# Channel 6597423

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# A brand-new rival for the BBC

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# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #

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We've well and truly snookered ourselves on Diddy TV now,

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since it's time for snooker.

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Hello, it's here at last,

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the final session of this year's World Snooker Championship,

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and I can tell you there is a huge sense of anticipation about this.

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I've been joined by former world champion Diddy Shaun Murphy.

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-Hello, Shaun.

-Hello, Hazel.

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Now, what about out finalists, Ronnie O'Notagain and Juddery Trump?

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What do you make of this matchup?

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Well, this match has got added spice.

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I really can't wait for it to start.

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They have had some really good matches recently and on a couple

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of those occasions, Juddery Trump has come from nowhere

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to nick it on the line.

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So Ronnie will have the utmost respect for him

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and he will have the utmost respect for Ronnie.

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I agree. Thank you, Shaun.

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Well, after 16 long days, it has all come down to this.

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Let's get straight to our commentators,

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John Pisces and Clive Liverpool.

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So, you join us with Juddery to break.

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That's not the best of starts.

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Foul. Four, Ronnie O'Notagain.

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No, it's not, Clive, he'll be kicking himself about that.

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It's very disappointing.

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Well, this looks like an open door here for Ronnie.

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Foul and a miss.

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Four, Juddery Trump.

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I'd say it's very much a closed door, Clive.

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Foul, four...

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Safety has never really been Trump's game.

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Go on, Juddery! >

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Shh. Quiet, please.

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Well, I think he is looking to kiss off the red here

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and screw it back for the black.

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And I think he can do that.

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But not like that.

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Well, we have to leave our coverage here on Diddy TV but you can

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continue to watch by closing your eyes and using your imagination.

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So, Bruno, what did you think?

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That had no place on the TV screen.

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Oh, dear.

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It should be on a cinema screen, Larry!

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Oh, that's brilliant!

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A cinema screen that is about to be hit by a meteorite.

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Oh...

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A meteorite filled with little aliens who will take

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the programme into space.

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Oh, brilliant! Brilliant!

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Where I will never have got to see it again.

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So, did you like it or not?

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-Yes!

-Hoorah!

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Do you want a hand choosing the best burger? Then come on down to...

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Hand Burger Prince.

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Yes, we at Hand Burger Prince uses only the best

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organic, free-range,

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freshest hands in our hand burgers.

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Here is your hand burger.

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Oi, that's got a plaster on it!

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Sorry, wrong hand.

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Ignore the writing, that is my shopping list.

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Oh, yeah, that's more like it.

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Arrrgh!

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We have double hand burgers.

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A veggie burger.

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Hand burgers with our special sauce.

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I didn't wash it after I went to the toilet.

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Disgusting!

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And because our staff are running out of hands,

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coming soon, the foot burger.

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Wonderful verruca burger with fried bunion rings

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and extra cheese.

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-Oh...

-They're delicious.

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Hello and welcome to Diddypops.

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This one is a timeless classic from all the way back in 2K13 -

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ask your grandparents.

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Here with every princess's favourite song,

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please give it up for Diddy Diane and the Jitters.

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Let It Go.

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APPLAUSE

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HE PLAYS PIANO

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# The snow glows white on the mountain tonight

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# Not a footprint to be seen

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# A kingdom of isolation

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# And it looks like I'm the queen

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# The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside

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# Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried

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# It's time to see what I can do

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# To test the limits and break through

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# No right, no wrong, no rules for me

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# I'm free

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# Let it go, let it go

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# I am one with the wind and sky

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# Let it go, let it go

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# You'll never see me cry

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# Here I stand in the light of day

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# Let the storm rage on

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# The cold never bothered me anyway. #

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SHE SCREAMS

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Fear and danger now as we struggle to live through watching Diddy 60.

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Hi, I'm Dick Fearless and this is Deadly Diddy 60,

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where I find 60 of the most scariest Diddy animals in the world

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and throw them at Dom.

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In today's episode, I present to you the razorback rat.

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Hold it, hold it, hooooold it!

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Ah, Dom, I've been waiting for you.

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Do you want the stinky cheese or the squeaky hammer?

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I don't want either. Oh, squeaky hammer.

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SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

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He seems to like it. So, in you get.

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No, not today,

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cos I've got something terrifying for you.

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Hold on, I do the animals, you do the stroking, that's the deal.

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Yeah, well, I fancied a change.

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You are fearless, aren't you?

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Of course! What have you got?

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Only the most terrifying creature in the world.

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Bring it on!

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I have done spitting squirrels, exploding koala bears,

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the fanged ferrets of Fife. Well, you have. I have just watched.

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Same difference, really. There ain't nothing out there that scares me.

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Brilliant. Here's my mum.

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Did I mention she is not very happy about all the horrible things

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-you have made me do?

-What have you been doing

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to my poor little Dommy-Wommy?

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I can explain...

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Well, Mummy, there was the vampire snakes...

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-Ooh!

-..killer spiders...

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-Ah!

-..there was those piranha sharks.

-Oh!

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-Oh, naughty boy, take that!

-Ah!

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-And that!

-Oh!

-And that!

-Argh!

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You sock it to him, Mama!

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See you next time.

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And until then, dare to be scared.

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Oh, don't forget about the boa constrictor budgie!

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Keep going till you get to 60.

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I love Diddy 60. It's one of my favourites, Bruno.

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-What about you?

-This was a cornucopia for the eyes,

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a visual treat that sizzled my senses and tingled my tummy.

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Right, yeah. And that's a good thing, is it?

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Larry, is the Mona Lisa good?

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Is David Beckham good?

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How can you define good when you're in the presence of something

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that redefines the very meaning of the word television?

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OK, yeah.

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-So you liked it?

-This does not come down to like or not like.

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This is beyond like.

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This is something that bypasses the brain

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and goes straight to the heart.

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-So you liked it?

-Maybe.

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In the way a puppy likes a daffodil.

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Are you looking for their cheapest flights ever? How about this?

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Florida, two quid!

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Australia, £1.83 for a family of four!

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France, 1p!

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Actually, that was a little bit overpriced.

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But, do you see?

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Oh, hi, yeah, got a first-class return to Tokyo.

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-Oh, the 62p ticket.

-Yeah.

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-Just climb in here, please, sir.

-OK, yeah.

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Uh, where are the seatbelts?

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How's this? Fire!

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Waaaaah!

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Next!

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-Hawaii!

-Climb in.

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Ready?

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Hey, where's my in-flight drink?

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-Thank you.

-Fire!

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Aaaaargh!

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Cheapest flights ever!

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Hey, don't take my word for it, here's a satisfied customer.

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HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY

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Ha-ha, I have no idea what he just said!

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Argh!

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Catapult Airlines.

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# He's a robot, he's their pop

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# He's Robopop. #

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Oh, man! Oh, man, I'm going to be late.

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I'm going to be late for school.

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Oh, it's...

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5am! Consider yourself pranked, little bro.

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I set your alarm clock forward three hours.

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# He's Robopop. #

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Engage emergency protocol five.

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This unit is late for primary function.

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Did you by any chance put Pop's internal processor forward

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-three hours too?

-Sure did.

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You can call me President Prank because in this house, I rule.

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Zingo!

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APPLAUSE

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It's still early, Pop. Suzy pranked us.

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My internal processor runs on an atomic beryllium clock.

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It is never wrong.

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Although X-ray sensors indicate it is still dark outside. Oops!

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I wish I could prank Suzy just once.

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I can help you there, son.

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Your pop knows a prank or two.

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-Pull my finger.

-Oh, sure, Pop.

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Aaaaah!

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Ha-ha-ha, I've still got it!

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-Are you sure this is going to work, Pop?

-Trust me!

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Tru-tru-tru-trust me!

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Run programme 5318008.

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Now my brain's in the calculator.

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Hey, this is a nice little number I'm wearing.

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Managed to catch up on your beauty sleep? Guess not!

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Zinga-ringa ding-dong!

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Oh, Suzy, you are a riot.

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Oh, hey, did I tell you how my new calculator can also tell fortunes?

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Really? Let me see.

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You will drop out of high school and your nose will drop off too.

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Oh, no! Pop has downloaded himself onto the calculator.

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Quick, get him out!

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Pop, speak to us!

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# Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do... #

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VOICE DIES

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Oh, no, we wiped Pop's brain!

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Don't let Mom know.

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Know what, honey?

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Oh, uh, that Pop is trying to break

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the world record for, uh, musical statues.

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(Pop's got a backup disk.)

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Holiday photos, Billy Joel's greatest hits.

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Tempting, but no.

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Oh, emergency personality reboot.

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Here it goes.

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WHIRRING

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BEEPING

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LASERS FIRE

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-DEEP MONOTONE:

-Hard drive reinstalled.

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Hostile life forms detected.

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Eliminate hostiles.

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Now, honey, just because you've failed your world record

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is no reason to be grouchy.

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Mom, get down!

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ELECTRONIC THRUMMING

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Prepare to be...

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-REGULAR VOICE:

-..well and truly pranked.

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I've still got it!

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Robopop!

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Oh, now, come on, a classic American sitcom we can all be proud of.

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If proud is the right word.

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It is, I'm telling you it is.

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-So, what did you think, Bruno?

-Well...

-Yeah, in one word.

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-Just one word?

-One.

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Fantabulasticabdunculatrullablla.

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-That's cheating.

-I know.

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Well, that's it for today.

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If you've enjoyed watching Diddy TV, then please

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see someone about it at once.

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# Diddy TV, Diddy TV

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# Channel 6597423

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# A brand-new rival for the BBC

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# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #

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Oh, Ronnie's still struggling to find his form here at the Crucible.

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Foul, four. Juddery Trump.

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Yes, that's right, Clive, and the pressure is really starting to tell.

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I can't take this any more! Argh! Rah!

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He's absolutely lost it.

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Can't even hit the ball!

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He certainly has. This is...extraordinary.

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-Oh, got one in.

-And a fine shot.

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# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #

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