Forever and Ever Diddy TV


Forever and Ever

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# Larry Weinsteinburger The Diddy Movies boss

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# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss

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# So, he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television

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# The small screen is the future for those with any vision

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# With Larry's bottom dollar he's launched a TV station

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# Packed with creativity style and innovation

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# Diddy TV, Diddy TV

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# Channel 6597423

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# A brand-new rival for the BBC

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# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #

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There's a change to the schedule now,

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as we've been forced to bring you an important programme

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in a last ditch bid to keep our broadcasting licence.

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Meet Michael Nixon.

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A boy born with a rare genetic condition.

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Michael was born with a spoon for a nose.

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You get used to the stares.

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And it could be worse.

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I've met kids with chopsticks for eyebrows.

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I've even met one girl who had a garlic crusher for a chin.

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That's it, Michael. Give it a good thwack.

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He's very handy.

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I'm never looking for a teaspoon, that's for sure.

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Argh!

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Michael.

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Thank you, Michael.

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I like to make myself useful.

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Argh. Argh!

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Although, sometimes that's easier said than done.

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Why does everything smell of sugar?

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Actually, Michael's case is quite funny...

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Erm, rare. It's rare.

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Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do.

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In fact, his condition will only worsen with age.

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SLURPING

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Oh, sorry.

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That chart just makes me hungry.

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Michael.

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Your spoon's breaking up the picture again.

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Oh, sorry, Dad.

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Mum, Dad, there's somebody I'd like you to meet.

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This is my girlfriend, Jessica.

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Pleased to meet you.

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Oh, no. There's two of them.

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Jeff!

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-Pleased to meet you, love.

-Sorry?

-I said, "Pleased to meet you, love."

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Sorry, I can't hear you.

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I've got forks for ears.

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Handy for eating spaghetti, I suppose.

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And, so, things are finally looking up for Michael the spoon-nosed boy.

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Oh, give us a cuddle.

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-Ow!

-Ow!

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Your prongs! Fork ears!

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Spoon nose.

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Although, there is still a long way to go.

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What a tragic story, eh, Barney?

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-Really makes you think.

-Yeah.

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Makes me think it's time for a bowl of cereal.

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Or some soup.

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Making an insightful, caring documentary like that

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really takes hard work and dedication, doesn't it?

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-I guess so.

-Well, I made it.

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So, that means I'm a really hard-working

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and caring person, doesn't it?

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Yes.

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So, as a hard-working and caring person...

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can I ple-e-e-a-ase

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have a Blue Peter badge?

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No.

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What has two eyes, a beak and spits poisonous venom?

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An octopus, of course.

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Nature's most misunderstood mollusc.

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They're lovable, affectionate

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and when they cuddle they never let go.

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HE SCREAMS

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It's time to change people's hearts and minds

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about these carnivorous, aquatic nightmares.

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Which is why this year,

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we're asking you to be a sucker for October-pus.

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I'm a sucker for October-pus.

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I'm a sucker for October-pus.

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I'm a sucker for October-pus.

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He-e-elp!

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Yes, be a sucker this October.

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Buy one of our non-removable rubber suckers

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and we'll make sure that some of all of the money

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goes directly to helping octopuses.

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Whoever you are, make this October October-pus.

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-Octo-fun.

-THEY LAUGH

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And they will thank you with every one of their three hearts.

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Sensitive viewers should be aware

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that this next programme is equally bad for everyone.

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Hello, and welcome to Diddypops.

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We are blessed tonight, ladies and gentlemen.

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Singing a timeless love song

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that has been top in the charts for a full 16 weeks,

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please give it up for ever and ever

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for Diddy Dom And The Jitters.

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# Ever and ever, forever and ever You'll be the one

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# That shines on me

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# Like the morning sun

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# Ever and ever, forever and ever you'll be my spring

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# My rainbow's end

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# And the song I sing

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# Take me far beyond imagination

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# You're my dream come true,

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# my consolation

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# Ever and ever, forever and ever you'll be... #

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HE WHISTLES

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-Oh, no!

-Oh!

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Ah! Ah!

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Diddy fun as we watch our intrepid explorers get eaten by animals

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Up Diddy Creek.

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This part of Africa is home

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to the most aggressive mountain gorillas in the world.

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To survive, all we need to remember is not to feed them.

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Wait! Where's Dom?

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Well, you see, the stock market can crash at any moment, overnight.

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Oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.

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Uh-oh!

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Well, of course you're right. It's much more of a global crisis.

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Oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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If you feed a mountain gorilla it forms an unbreakable bond

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and will never, ever leave you.

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Dom!

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No-o-oo!

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What?! ARGH!

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-KISSING

-Leg it!

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Can I interest you in an after-dinner mint?

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More gruesome misfortunes served up for your viewing pleasure now

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in Crimediddy.

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Mam. Mam. I've told you before,

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divvent call us at work, Mam. Mam.

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Oh, hello.

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And naebody move.

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Welcome to another edition of Crimediddy with me,

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Diddy DI, Harry Batt.

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And this week, it's full of mystery.

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What's happened to this Diddy's eyebrows?

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Who's mug is this?

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And why has naebody told me

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I've got my trousers on back to front?

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But first, we're off to a school in Whitby.

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Where things have been gan missing.

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Run VT.

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This is Jeff.

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He loves nothing more than sitting at the front of the classroom

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and dreaming up new punishments for the bairns.

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Oh! A concrete board-rubber boomerang.

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-JEFF LAUGHS

-Makes me sick.

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But last Monday morning,

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Jeff noticed that something was missing.

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That's right, the bird was a lesser-spotted Diddy pie.

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But more importantly the leaves were naewhere to be found.

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So, Jeff, when did you first notice...?

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Oi! Oi! Oi! Come on, get out of it, man.

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Oh. Get out.

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Will you be taken in by that?

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Sounds nothing like me.

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So, these leaves. Have they gone missing before?

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It happens every year. There's a serial leaf thief.

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Hold on a moment.

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They go missing every year.

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What? Round about Autumn time?

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How do YOU know?!

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Oh.

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Gan on, get out of it, man.

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And do one. Eh?

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So, you can all sleep easy in yous beds, like.

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Howay! What's going on?

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I'm the real Harry.

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Oh, no you're not. I'm the real Harry Batt.

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Hold on a moment. There's two of yous?

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Right. Come here.

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Mam!

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Dad!

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Sorry, son.

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It was the only way we could get to see yous.

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You're so busy with work, love.

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We miss you.

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Right, yous both nicked.

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Now, remember, crimes like this

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that feature your parents dressing up as me are very, very rare.

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So, the best way not to have nightmares is never gan to sleep.

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So, until the next time,

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mind how you go.

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Come on, you two.

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What are you doing, Barney?

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I'm just checking I'm not my mum dressed up as me.

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No. No, I'm me. Phew.

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Yeah, but still,

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making a show to help fight crime is a really good cause, isn't it?

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-Totally.

-And I made that, too.

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So, that must mean that I'm really good person, right?

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Yes.

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So, I was wondering, just possibly,

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maybe...

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Could I have a Blue Peter badge? Plee-e-e-a-ase?

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-No!

-Oh!

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Previously, on The Next Diddy.

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Chuck was unhappy with Rad for dancing with Courtney,

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which made Chelsea angry because

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she wanted to dance with Rad, but Dexter said she wasn't allowed to.

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So, she tried to dance with Chuck instead,

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but Chuck had already said he'd only dance with Dexter and Rad

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which made Courtney look bad, so...

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Seriously, it's episode 98. If you don't know by now

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you never will. Let's dance!

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Awesome!

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We made it to the regional finals of the Made-y Up-y Dance Competition.

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Woohoo!

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OK, guys, we made it.

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I don't know how we got here, but we made it.

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Erm... I came by bus.

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-My mom dropped me.

-Walked.

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It doesn't matter. I mean, what matters is we earn it.

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Seal clap!

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THEY BARK LIKE SEALS

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Now, go get them.

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Erm, Dexter.

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Everyone's got cool monster costumes and I can't even see.

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Oh, yeah. Here we go.

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What a prima donna.

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Can't I be like a... Like a werewolf?

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It's too late. You're on.

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MUSIC: Monster Mash By Bobby "Boris" Pickett And The Crypt-Kickers

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CHEERING

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THEY CHATTER EXCITEDLY

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Super! That was fabulous. Was that good? Was that good?

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You smashed it out the water.

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Mwah!

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MUSIC: Gangnam Style By Psy

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They're super amazing.

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We don't stand a chance.

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Hey!

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Where's Rad?

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Guys?

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Guys, where did you go?

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-Go, Rad!

-Sorry.

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What's he doing?

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He's only going and winning this thing.

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THEY CHEER

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AUDIENCE BOO

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Woo!

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Stop it!

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Come on!

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More. Stop it!

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You stole the show.

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-BRAYS LIKE A DONKEY

-Thanks, Chuck.

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That's nice of you to...

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CHEERING

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It is on!

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Oh, now, come on.

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If that's not worth a Blue Peter badge, I don't know what is.

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Larry, I'm sorry.

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I can't just hand out Blue Peter badges.

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There are rules. You only get them for very specific reasons.

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-Like what?

-Well, for gold, acts of selflessness or heroism.

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Yeah, what else?

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Well, for a green badge you've got to do something for the environment.

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-What else?

-You could draw a picture.

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With these hands?

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Good point.

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Oh, Barney. You're killing me here.

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Well, there is one more thing you could try, Larry.

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-Like what?

-You could try asking me nicely.

-Seriously?

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OK, here goes.

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Barney, can I please, please, please, please, please, please,

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please, please, please, plee-e-e-ea-ase

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have a Blue Peter badge?

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Yes. In fact, here's one I made earlier.

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Ah! O-oh! Ah! Ah!

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That's it for Dizzy TV today.

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And all that remains is for me to go...

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HE BURPS

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Goodbye.

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# Diddy TV, Diddy TV

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# Channel 6597423

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# A brand-new rival for the BBC

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# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV

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# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #

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