Episode 5 Disaster Chefs

Meet the parents who are rubbish at cooking.

-Dinner, Charlie!

-Noooooo!

-They make things like this. And this. And this!

-Disgusting!

And foodie fanatic Stefan Gates is the only person who can help.

He's got just 24 hours to help them master a two-course meal

in a professional kitchen for some fierce critics.

-Horrible.

-Get cooking!

-Will they raise like a souffle or flop like a pancake?

-I've failed!

Will it be Yumm or Yuck? Start your blenders!

This week's Disaster Chef is Jack,

-a mum of four from Shropshire.

-She burns everything.

-She can't cook.

-She gives us cereal for tea.

And her two oldest, Brooklyn and Bailey, have decided she needs help.

-Ta-da!

-Because although Jack used to be a magician's assistant,

it's them that do the disappearing act

when she conjures up their dinner.

Dinner's ready!

They're so sick of salads and cereal they could scream!

Save us from cereal!

But why? You all love it.

-Smile, Brooklyn, it's Friday night.

-Oh, watch your fingers!

In this house the smoke alarm's the sign that dinner's ready.

-Mum burns everything.

-I think it's kind of bubbling over.

# Sound the alarm. #

We had to take two of the fire alarms away,

so they would not keep bleeping.

Everyone's used to it, it's what happens every day -

five o'clock, smoke alarm.

It's not just Brooklyn and Bailey who've sent Disaster Chefs

an SOS, though.

She's tried to make homemade lasagne,

which never worked out and ended up burning half the kitchen down.

Jack doesn't really cook anything for me.

I have sandwiches - it's a lot safer, trust me.

Oooh! Looks like Nan's a tough one to please.

Fingers crossed she's not one of the judges tomorrow.

Part of the problem is that Mum's a vegetarian.

I'm fine touching meat, but I just don't want to put it in my mouth.

She won't eat pasta, fish, meat, eggs or vegetables.

But it's not her fault - oh, no!

I blame the kids. I think they're too fussy.

Cereal!

And perhaps I haven't got that many skills.

Don't worry, Jack, who's that galloping? Is he galloping?

I don't know. Oh, he's scooting, yes, scooting to the rescue.

It's Stefan Gates, talented chef and all round food fancier.

A man on a mercy mission to turn foul-food-preparing parents,

into creme de la creme cooks.

Oh, Stefan, you've got a challenge on your hands this time.

Hi, guys. Let's get cracking.

-He's got just 24 hours to get Jack to cook like a pro!

-Arrggghhhh!

And keep cereal out of the house.

-Hi, Jack!

-Hi!

-Right.

I want to know all about it. How bad is your mum's cooking?

She fed me lasagne, and two hours later I was being sick.

Sick-making lasagne. What sort of things does she cook you?

Pizza, which she burns, and chips, which she burns.

She put the toast in the other day and the whole toaster just went.

What, it blew up? She even broke the toaster?

OK, and what sort of things would you like her to be doing?

-Meaty things.

-Like what?

-Lasagne.

-Burgers.

-Cottage pie.

Let's see how bad Jack really is. It's the Rookie Challenge!

What could be easier than a pancake?

All you need is flour, eggs, milk.

Whisk it, fry it, flip it, fold it, add sugar, add lemon - ta-da!

-You all set for this?

-I need a recipe!

-You have to make it up.

Cos you've got five minutes starting now! OK, let's back up, guys.

I don't know what to do!

Just a suggestion, Jack,

but a bowl to mix things in might be a good start.

But Jack's going for the radical,

new, "let's mix it all in the frying pan" approach!

-I think we need protection.

-Well, they are called PANcakes.

-I've not a clue!

-What are you doing?!

-I don't know! One minute 30.

-You're the expert.

That's right, he is the expert, and if he was making the pancake,

it would be thin and easy to flip. Like this one.

Did someone ask her to make scrambled eggs?

-OK, she's going for the flip. Going for the flip.

-Whoa!

-Well caught!

-It looks brilliant.

I like a woman who thinks positive, but it flipping doesn't!

ALL: Four, three, two, one!

Stop it. Yay!

Oh, my word!

Let me just show you what a perfect pancake really should look like.

-Right, go on.

-Jane. You've really got to shave those arms.

This is a perfect pancake.

Let's have a look at the difference between the two.

Congratulations, Jack, you truly are a total and utter Disaster Chef.

Argh!

That pancake was pants. I mean, Jack's enthusiastic,

she chucks all the ingredients and she's got energy.

She just a bit rubbish.

Things can only get better. I hope.

This is your challenge.

In just 24 hours, you need to cook a delicious two-course meal

for three mystery judges.

-Are you up for this?

-Yes!

-Excellent.

So, with her Disaster Chef hat firmly on,

tomorrow Jack will have to cook for our judges,

in a proper restaurant,

and face a vote on whether her food is Yumm or Yuck.

If you succeed, then you will be covered in culinary glory.

But if you fail, you have to wear the hat forever.

All right, we're going to go off shopping for some ingredients.

You need to clear all this up. Especially this poor frying pan.

Let's go!

With a few ideas for tomorrow's menu in mind, Stefan's off to the shops.

Jack's thinking positively. She has no clue what they'll bring back,

but she's ready for the challenge. Anyone else getting nervous?

I don't think the kids'll think I'll be able to do it,

I'm not 100 % sure I'll be able to do it,

but I'm going to give it a go.

I'm going to change. It's time for a change.

It'd be really nice to improve my cooking.

Stefan, Brooklyn and Bailey need to get a whole bunch of ingredients

for tomorrow. But avoid the cereal.

Jack is a vegetarian, so where's the next place to stop?

The butcher's, of course. And working in the butcher's is...

it's Tom Jones! Yes, it's Tom Jones. The world's most famous Welshman!

Oh, no, wait. I misread that. It's Tommy Jones.

He's Welsh Young Butcher of the Year 2012.

But this isn't The Voice, this is The Meat.

-So, can you see anything?

-If you're squeamish, look away now.

Just slimy and stinky.

-Tommy, what is it we're holding here?

-It's Welsh lamb's liver.

-Oh, I'd keep looking away if I was you.

-Whoa, a pig's head!

Wow! Look at that. What do you think of that, guys?

-It's scary and disgusting.

-Why, why is it?

Cos it's still got its eyes in. Look at it.

-It's still got its teeth in.

-Oh, I'd get some whitener on those.

Mum would scream and run out the house if she saw this.

So the question is, what are we going to eat? Shall we go for lamb?

Baaaaa!

Perhaps not. Let's go for beef.

Always wash your hands after touching raw meat.

-Fantastic! All set?

-Yeah.

-Thanks, Tommy, take care.

That's dinner bought. In your face, Mr Cereal!

On the way home they picked up some more ingredients.

So, let's get the shopping out and finalise tomorrow's menu.

-Potatoes.

-Mustard.

-Lovely herbs.

-Chocolate. Tomato paste.

-Got the onions.

-That's an interesting assortment.

What could Stefan have come up with from that little lot?

Time to reveal the menu!

BOTH: Menu's ready, Mum!

Here are your ingredients. Could you close your eyes?

Remember Jack said she doesn't mind touching mince? Watch this!

That was a little bit dramatic, wasn't it?

Tomorrow, she's touching it all day long.

Because Stefan, Brooklyn and Bailey have decided

the menu's going to be

melting-middle burgers and chunky chip tower with homemade ketchup -

or cheeseburger and chips to you and me -

followed by chocolate roll-around cake with a caramel splash.

That's just a posh Swiss roll. They're aiming high.

If Jack can master these two dishes tomorrow,

they might get the dinners that they dream of on a regular basis.

-So, what do you think of that?

-That'll be OK, I think.

-Do you reckon your mum's going to be able to pull this off?

-No.

-No. Frankly no.

-Great. Optimism all round.

Thankfully, it's time for Stefan's Crash Course.

Because it needs to bake for a while and then cool,

Jack needs to make the cake mix first.

For that she needs to separate the eggs,

mix the yolks and some sugar, add some cocoa powder, mix the whites,

fold it all together, pour it in a tray, bake it,

lightly sprinkle some powder on some paper, add some chocolate spread,

roll it, melt the chocolate, add some fruit, icing sugar and a glaze.

Voila! Easy! Remember, if you're cooking,

make sure you've got permission from your adult.

Jack needs to separate the egg whites from the yolks

and start the dangerous process of whisking.

Doesn't sound dangerous, does it?

Now, what you need to do is whisk these until they're so stiff

that you can lift the bowl over your head,

and they stay in the bowl, OK?

She's whisked it, but that doesn't look ready to me,

Oh, oh, nearly! Oh, no!

-Not quite there, then.

-Try again, Jack!

Eggs are meant to be good for your hair, but maybe not like this.

Yes! She's there!

We need to start mixing these two together,

but there's loads of air in there,

and you can break it up so the air disappears.

We want to keep all the air in.

You need to take some of the egg white and mix it into here,

but what you do, you kind of fold it in.

Gently, gently, gently, gently. With love. With love, that's it.

That goes into the oven, and it's going to cook for 22 minutes.

That's 22 minutes. We don't want burnt cakes, Jack. Next!

To make the burgers, Jack will need to whisk an egg,

chop an onion, crush some garlic, add the mince, add herbs,

tomato paste, breadcrumbs and some salt and pepper,

give it a good mix, squeeze it into balls,

stick the cheese into the burgers, put 'em onto a tray, fry both sides,

add some chips and ketchup and you are done.

-This is the tough bit!

-Oh, no!

Because you can't just mix this stuff up with a spoon.

You need to get your fingers right in there.

You need to mix it all together

and squeeze it through your fingers so that it mixes well, OK?

-That's a good idea. You ready for this?

-No.

Get right to the bottom there, dig it all up. Squish it through.

-What does it feel like?

-Disgusting!

-I think you're doing amazingly well

because this is tough for a vegetarian, I'm really proud of you.

-Thank you.

-You should be proud of your mum, she's doing brilliantly,

-isn't she?

-Yes.

-No!

-Outrageous.

You need to roll them in your hand like this,

so, take them like that, roll them around.

It's West Ham versus Hamburger.

He might be called Brooklyn but he can't bend it like Beckham.

-Yes!

-That's full time, and time to plate up.

Not as easy as it looks.

And it looks like the burger isn't cooked properly,

the consequences of which could be DIRE....hoea.

Jack really doesn't like touching beef.

Trouble is, that's what Brooklyn and Bailey want

so that's what she's got to do. Thing is, she's messed up burgers before.

What's she going to be like cooking them in a professional kitchen?

Fasten your seatbelts, this could be a lumpy ride.

With that last thought, Stefan's off home for his beauty sleep.

But like any good teacher he's left Jack some homework.

That's an interesting interpretation

of a light sprinkling of cocoa powder.

More of a blizzard.

Using the paper instead of her hands means it rolls like Stefan -

nice and smooth and doesn't crack under pressure.

I don't think Stefan would be happy with that amount of cocoa.

You could build a sandcastle out of it!

She's done her homework, but will she make the grade tomorrow?

Will she pass or fail?

Voila!

Just 24 hours ago, Brooklyn and Bailey's mum, Jack,

accepted the Disaster Chef challenge.

-She's been burning food for years.

-Cereal!

And thinks cereal is for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Smile, Brooklyn, it's Friday night!

But for the sake of her kids' taste buds,

she wants to change, so Disaster Chef maestro Stefan Gates...

Easy tiger, all right, all right. That's it, like that.

..has been trying to turn vegetarian Jack into a kitchen magician.

Yes! She's there.

Coming up, she's going to be cooking in this scary professional kitchen,

using things like big knives, ladles and this big metal thing.

She's hoping her two-course meal

will be voted Yumm instead of Yuck by our three mystery judges.

What could possibly go wrong?!

The big day is here.

And over the next three hours Jack will be cooking

in this nearby swish hotel.

This is when it gets deadly serious. But what's at stake?

Well, pride, glory, pain and humiliation.

I have done all I can, it's now up to them.

Oooh. Doesn't this place look posh!

And a posh restaurant needs posh clothes,

or chef's whites as they're known.

And your waiters today will be Bailey and Brooklyn.

-You look brilliant.

-Thank you. You look brilliant.

Save the raspberries for the pudding, kids!

In just three hours,

you need to put some fantastic food on the table, OK?

-OK.

-Ready, steady, go!

What's the obvious thing to do first? Why, the dessert.

Before Jack can cook the main course, she has to prep the pudding.

The wrong way round, but the right way as well.

Oh!

Uh-oh! There's disaster number one.

The key to separating egg yolks and whites is the separation part!

What will she do?!

I've failed! Right, start again.

That's the spirit.

Egg-cracking skills mastered, she's onto the whisking.

That doesn't look quite as fluffy as it should.

She's going to put it above her head. No, no! Yay!

-You did it, Jack, well done!

-Woohoo!

Oh, you're just showing off now.

You've still a lot to do.

Poured with love.

Cake in the oven, two hours to go.

Time to put her feet up, right?

She's certainly confident. But is she TOO confident?

All under control.

Everything seems to be going well.

Oh, hang on, I can smell something.

Oh, you haven't, Jack, have you?

Oh, no. I've burnt the cake.

No, Jack, not the cake! You promised, no more burning!

Oh, my...

But I don't think it was me, I think it was the oven.

A likely story. Well, actually, it turns out she's right.

The oven was broken.

-Think we have to start again.

-Start again.

Do you think you've time to start again?

-We'll have to try.

-We can give you a little hand with this.

All hands on deck.

All right. OK, let's go for it.

Yay! So everyone's helping out to squeeze in another cake

in the time left.

This is the story of my life.

It's always the cooker's fault, it not my fault.

Yeah, you never burn anything, do you, Jack(?)

Oh. The spoon's burnt. Take it off.

-FRENCH ACCENT:

-Ah, caramel with a trace of burnt wooden spoon.

C'est magnifique!

Although what it really needs in there is the aroma

of burning plastic.

Disaster.

While she's doing the glazing, let's meet the judges.

-Judge number one!

-It's the world's most famous Welshman.

Yes, it's Tom Jones!

What do you mean we've already done that joke?

OK, it's Tommy Jones.

Young Welsh Butcher of the Year, 2012.

This guy knows his meat better than Mr Meat the Meat Man.

I've got a vegetarian cooking the meat today,

so I'm a little bit nervous, to say the least.

A vegetarian cooking burgers for a butcher? No pressure there(!)

Oh!

Judge number two!

Is more used to eating cows' eyeballs than mince.

I'm A Celebrity winner and CBBC presenter,

Joe Swash loves his food and isn't afraid to share his strong opinions.

I don't know how to describe a burger, but it should taste nice.

Yeah. Moving on.

I might not be her favourite mother-in-law after this.

Oh, no. Judge number three, it's the dreaded mother-in-law, Glenda.

She's got no patience

for Jack's kitchen catastrophes.

She'll have Jack quaking in her chef's whites.

If it's rubbish, I will tell her, not just hold back.

No, I'm not cooking for her. She's too harsh.

Once the judges have eaten Jack's meals,

they'll be asked to declare them Yuck or Yumm.

To impress the judges, and pass,

Jack needs everything ready to be served

at the right time. Nothing overcooked, undercooked,

lumpy, powdery, watery or burnt will do!

Oh, sugar. Burnt the toast!

Get her timing wrong, and it's game over

and back to the chopping board - the melted chopping board, that is.

Pressure's on!

There's less than an hour to go now, time is running out

and Jack is doing what she does best -

burning stuff.

Sugar, sugar, sugar.

Bit burnt on one side compared to our expert version,

but who's going to notice?!

Oh, just leave me to burn it.

Cheese is melting now, that's done, definitely done. Definitely done.

That was quick. But because Jack's had the heat up too high,

they've burnt on the outside before they've cooked in the middle.

-And the best place to keep them warm?

-Come on over, burgers.

Ha! Well, the counter, of course(!)

How you feeling, Jack?

I'm having a disaster.

Why, what's the latest disaster?

Well, the burgers will be ready before the chips have even gone in.

So I'll be serving cold burger. Help me!

I can't help you, you're on your own.

-I have a plan.

-What's the plan?

Why don't you help, and we won't tell the kids?

-Don't go away, I need you!

-See you later!

-Oh!

Jack's finally prepping the chips,

and with only 30 minutes to go, the new cake cavalry arrives.

We've helped you with it, cos we've got a bit of the cake ready.

Oh, thank you.

Lovely mixture and the eggs cracked and all that.

So all you have to do is stir that, put it into the bowl.

You can make the cake for me.

No way, dude!

Time is running out, so it's all hands on deck now.

Oh, and that even seems to include Stefan's.

Right, Jack, get folding that cake mix.

Ready to be folded in there, Jack.

Fold it with love.

Don't chuck it all in. Eurgh!

Now, the mixture goes into the pan. Oh, look at the egg-white lumps.

Doesn't look like there's been much love in that folding.

Let's see what it should look like.

Oh, nice and smooth and airy. Delicious.

There's a bit of white there, but we'll have to deal with that.

We'll mash it in.

OK, that'll do. I'll pop it in the oven.

You get started, get your chips on.

How do you know if they're done?

You stick a knife in them, and if you did that to the burgers

right now, you'd know they were raw in the middle.

Even time to tidy up.

Oh, sugar!

Butter fingers!

-Jack.

-Yep!

-How much do you love me?

I love you a lot. You saved me life.

The cake is back. It might be lumpy but at least it's not burnt.

You've got ten minutes now. So what else do you need to do?

-Chips.

-Chips!

Only ten minutes to go and the chips are still not ready.

But at least they're now in the oven.

-How do you think they look?

-They look chip-like.

Turn them....

They're nowhere near cooked, so let's just cross our fingers

and hope ten minutes will do it.

Those poor wee burgers. All on their lonesome.

Once these plates have gone out, you will have time,

while they're eating their main course,

to finish off the dessert, so I would focus on the chips.

If you want to raise the temperature,

I'll leave that in your hands.

There's no chance they'll burn now, Jack.

Doh! Here come the judges, and they look starvin' like Marvin.

Good luck!

I've really put my reputation on the line here.

I hope Jack makes a good job of this and doesn't let me down. I hope!

Jack was tasked with making melting-middle burgers with homemade

ketchup and a stack of chips.

These chips are a bit burnt on the other side, but I blame Stefan.

Cos he told me not to turn them over.

This is what it SHOULD look like.

And this is what Jack's looks like. Not bad at all.

Time's up!

Three plates, please.

Look at that, that's food on plates. Look what your mum's done.

I think that's fantastic.

Personally I like to ignore all those scare stories about uncooked

meat, food poisoning and ambulances, it's all just exaggeration.

No, really, Joe, it's all just exaggeration.

Oh, that looks lovely.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

-Shall we have a little look at this one here?

-Yep.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

That's all right.

It looks pretty good. That is fantastic.

It's a great chip.

So this is the moment of truth for Jack's main course.

Will it be love at first bite, or once bitten, twice shy?

Stefan likes the chips,

but who's going to be first to sample the burger?

-Oooh!

-What?

-There's a little bit of....

Look at the chip. My chip's all right...

No, no, I've got one.

I've got a few burnt ones here.

But we can, we can...

-Yeah, yeah, go past that.

-I like my food a bit crispy anyway.

It's solid. Ah, that is raw meat.

Stop the burgers!

Oh, dear, it was all going so well.

Apart from...the cracked egg, the burnt cake, the burnt burgers

and the burnt toast, obviously.

Sounds like there's a bit of a panic.

I told you I needed your help.

That's so close, though, so close.

-SHE GIGGLES

-What was wrong with the burgers?

They were undercooked.

And a little bit burnt on the bottom as well.

So somehow your mum managed to undercook and burn a burger,

-at the same time.

-Which is a record.

Yeah, it looked beautiful on the plate, didn't it?

-ALL: Yeah.

-It's going in the bin.

Epic fail.

And when it comes to the pudding, at least the only way is up, right?

Right? Wrong.

There's going to be no pleasing them anyway, so it doesn't matter.

It's going to be all right, innit?

Well, you normally lift this up and roll it over.

That keeps a beautiful, smooth edge.

Like this one.

Maybe we can say it's got wonderful texture to it. No.

Nice try, Stefan.

Quick, Mum. Mum, quick.

I can't be rushed.

Yes, you can.

Because they're starving!

For pudding, Jack had to make a chocolate roll-around cake

-with a caramel splash.

-Ta-da!

Brilliant, well done. OK.

Guys, get 'em out to the table. Quick, quick, quick.

We'll be back in a minute.

This is one we made earlier, and this is Jack's.

Not too bad!

Oh!

There's some points deduction going on there.

That's a beautiful plate of food. Been done nicely there.

I've realised my mistake.

Put the chocolate on AFTER the flour, isn't it, really?

Yeah, well.

Flour?! It's supposed to be icing sugar.

Well, it looks....

-It looks....

-Very nice. Not burnt.

Looks like a dessert, doesn't it?

And it's passing quality control in the kitchen.

What do you think?

Mmmm-mmmm.

Easy for you to say, Stefan(!)

That's great. What's not to love?

What's not to love? Plenty, according to the judges.

Yeah, there's not enough cream in there.

It's like chocolate milk - that hot chocolate stuff,

before you put it in the milk.

THEY LAUGH

Got a bit of egg. That's egg, ripped-up egg!

Oh, come on. What harm can an uncooked egg do?

Well, apart from salmonella...(!)

You've clearly been working so hard, look at the state of you.

I did, I tried my best.

-This means a lot to you, doesn't it?

-Yeah, it does.

Very much like the first plate of food.

Looked the business, but the taste let it down, I'd say.

Yeah, definitely.

You can't describe a burger, Joe - what do you know anyway?

Clean plates, clean plates, got to have clean plates.

Please, please... Aw, no!

OK. Wow, they've really dissected these plates, haven't they?

-Yep.

-Hold on. I think someone might have something nice to say.

I think it was nice.

Hang on. Hang on a sec.

Have you just said something nice about your mum's cooking?

Maybe.

So you thought it was good?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

What a result! Speaking of results, let's go to the judging.

Good luck. You ready to face the music?

No? Come on, let's go.

It's time for... The Verdict!

Less than 24 hours ago,

Brooklyn and Bailey's Disaster Chef Mum Jack's idea of cooking was

pouring them milk on some cornflakes or opening a tin of beans.

But after lessons from the best in the business -

well, our Stefan - today she burnt, I mean cooked, a two-course meal

in a professional kitchen, for three distinguished guests,

including Welsh pop star... sorry, butcher Tommy Jones.

CBBC presenter Joe Swash. And the dreaded Glenda, the mother-in-law!

Facing up to the guests you nearly poisoned is a daunting task,

so some of Jack's family and friends have turned up for moral support.

But are these judges going to give her a Yumm or a Yuck,

based on whether the food was restaurant standard?

Remember, two Yumms and she's a Disaster Chef no more.

Two Yucks and she's toast. Burnt toast!

OK, Jack. It's the moment of truth, OK?

Judge number one. Your verdict, please.

Tommy Jones is a master of meat,

but does he think Jack's cooking was mince?

Considering you're vegetarian and handling meat is a hard task to do,

so I applaud you for that, but on the whole, food wasn't that tasty.

It's fair, it's fair. He's a butcher.

Judging your meat. It's a tricky one. That's one Yuck.

Judge number two. Your verdict, please.

It has to be a Yumm from Nan or it's game over for Jack.

It looked very nice, presentation was very nice,

but the taste was vile.

Oh!

That's two Yucks.

So, I'm afraid you do remain a Disaster Chef, but you never know,

you could be redeemed with just a little bit of praise.

Who knows? Judge number three.

As we paid Joe Swash's train fare here,

let's at least see what he thought.

Come on, Joe, give us a Yumm!

I thought it was good on the eye, but not so good on the stomach.

Oh, no!

Sorry.

Jack, I'm afraid it's time to remove the Disaster Chef hat.

Let's take that off you because we've another hat for you to wear.

It's the Total Disaster Chef. There we go.

So poor Jack's officially a Total Disaster Chef,

but at least she tried.

Well done, Jack!

I might have given her a Yuck today, but for a vegetarian to cook

for a butcher is a pretty hard task for anyone, so she done pretty well.

It did look really nice, she did give it a good go.

It looked nice on the plate, but it wasn't edible.

I'm really hoping that she doesn't take up cooking.

I think she'd be a danger to herself and her family.

So I think she should just stick to the cereals

and making sandwiches, cos I heard she makes good sandwiches.

Ah! There was a moment there where I thought we'd claw our way

back from disaster, but in the end, the judges were just too harsh.

Were they too harsh?

Maybe not.