Look Before You Leap DIXI

Hey, it's Shari and look who's back in the game.

Hey, guys!

Yeah, we've got Mimi back on the case. And together,

we are not giving up.

The more you knock us down, the more we'll fight back.

-Am I right, lady?

-You are so right, lady.

So you guys won't have missed the latest horrible piece of hate spam

-from the Nameless One.

-You're watching

-Perry Presents: Backstage....

-AUDIO SLOWS AND DISTORTS

Poor Perry - they butchered his trailer.

I can't believe some people gave that a thumb.

But at least now we have a short list of suspects.

Benedict, Ryan and Zoe,

who all just "happened" to be at Laser Maze on Saturday.

Well, one of them has to be our troll.

But the question is, which one?

We have to think logically.

Like Sherlock.

There's no time to mess things up by leaping to conclusions.

Good point, Watson.

Well, the only person I haven't investigated yet is Ryan,

so he's the obvious suspect.

Whoa, there, leapy.

Why did you pick Ryan?

I really don't think it's him.

Why not? And before you say anything,

I don't think Sherlock would accept "dreamy eyes" as evidence.

It can't be Ryan, because...

he hates bullies.

Which is one of the things I like about him.

Until he decided that I was a bully and started hating me.

Hey, not for much longer.

When we bring down the troll of the century,

he'll see how awesome you are.

You're right. But enough about Ryan, what about Benedict?

No, I don't think so.

-No way.

-Why not?

Well, we've already ruled him out, remember?

Plus, I just don't think he's, like, a mean person.

He was actually kind of sweet on Friday.

Saved me from a Miss Malik lecture.

Oh.

Oh, OK, OK.

What?

No, nothing.

I just didn't think that you were his biggest fan.

Oh, I'm not.

He's the most annoying person I've ever met.

He always thinks he's right and he's wrong, like, 99% of the time.

And, and he's always using made-up words,

like "melange" and "ergo".

Oh, wow, he's really got under your skin.

-Oh, absolutely.

-Drives you up the wall.

-Yeah, totally.

-Can't stop thinking about him.

Yeah, he's so annoying.

Shari, you do know you fancy him?

What?! Ha!

I don't fancy him!

I don't...I only think about him all the time, because he's so ann...

Oh, no!

Oh, I DO fancy him!

-How could this happen?

-I think it's sweet.

Sweet? This is the worst thing my brain could possibly do.

Stupid brain!

Like it wasn't annoying enough already.

Well, I guess that just leaves the one suspect.

OK, guys, Zoe's on her lunch break, so we're going to sneak a look at

her phone, and once we find Nameless One stuff in her browser history,

-then we've got her.

-The coast is clear.

-Ooh, why don't I be lookout?

-Great.

But, Isla, it is really important that you warn us if she's coming,

OK? Because Zoe is terrifying.

OK. If Zoe's coming, the code word is,

"Zoe is coming".

Zoe has her own personal grooming area.

What a diva.

Look - "Zoe, quit the play today"!

OMD, she's not the Nameless One.

She's a target.

What are you doing touching my stuff?

Zoe is coming, Zoe is...

Oh.

Seriously?

OK, remind me to never let Isla be look-out again.

Did I not mention Zoe is terrifying?

What have you done? This is where I get into character.

You've trashed my Zen zone.

No, no, no, it's not us, it's the Nameless One.

Oh, I think I know their name.

Mimi! You really think you can scare me off?

What?

OMD! You've cut up my magazine.

Do you know what happened to the last person who touched my Vogue?

They...looked super stylish?

I am onto you, Mimi.

You're jealous I'm the star of the showcase.

Newsflash - time to get over it.

Zoe, I swear, this wasn't me.

Enough with the pathetic excuses.

Stop being a troll and stick to being a loser.

OK, well, at least we can rule out Zoe, which means there's clearly

only one person left it can be.

-Ryan.

-Benedict.

-Hey!

-Hey!

Hey, now, you're just saying that because you fancy Ryan.

Oh, and your theory has nothing to do with

your massive crush on Benny(!)

It's Benedict, and I've already told you I'm not happy about it,

-so I'd appreciate you not bringing it up again.

-I don't get it.

Is it only people we fancy now?

SHE GASPS

Is Ash the Nameless One?

No, Isla, it's not Ash.

Oh, good. Because I think that could be a deal-breaker for us.

Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do.

OK, OK, so we can't let emotion cloud our investigation

so you follow Benedict and I'll follow Ryan. OK?

OK.

Oh, hey, come to help me untangle?

Shh! We're here on troll business.

And where's Eve?

I thought you guys did all of this techie stuff together.

I think she's avoiding me.

But I sent her that text saying you totally like her.

She never messaged me.

I guess she's not that into me, after all.

Oh, Addie, poor you.

Thanks, Isla.

Aren't you meant to be doing sound checks right now?

Whoops!

Isla!

What's so interesting?

The Nameless One's video's getting more views than mine.

They've hijacked my trailer.

Why are you lurking?

-I'm not.

-Who are you spying on now?

No-one.

Eve, I'm so sorry.

I forgot all about it.

Don't worry. I'm doing sound on my own so we can start whenever.

Where's Addie?

Avoiding me.

I thought she liked me, but I guess I got the wrong idea.

Oh, Eve. Poor you.

Hey!

The operation was a success.

Yeah, it's on Dixi.

Zoe got our message. Are you sure that no-one saw?

Positive. No-one knows.

We just need to keep it that way.

OMD! It can't be!

They're in this together.

They're the Nameless...

Two!

Me, neither, Fairy.

I finally figure out I like Benedict and it turns out he's half

of the Nameless One.

I can't believe it. He seems like such a sensitive guy.

Hello, there. And welcome to Perry At The Pictures...

It's Talking Pictures, with me, Benedict.

Ergo, you are MY guest.

Today we're looking at a classic tale of loss,

childhood and political intrigue.

Perry, what was your take on The Lion King?

Oh, the feels, man. I mean,

"Dad, wake up! Come on, we've got to go home."

I mean, it gets you right here, doesn't it, Benedict?

-Benedict?

-HE WHIMPERS

And there you have it.

An emotional ten out of ten for The Lion King...

..right here, on Perry At The Pictures.

But I guess it's all an act.

And me and Mimes are going to prove it.

Hey, guys. We're about to confront the devious double act,

AKA the Nameless One.

Benedict, Ryan,

you might be hiding under the bridge but the billy goats are onto you.

Yeah, and Ryan, I'll admit you put on a good show,

hiding behind that dazzling smile.

You know, that cheeky little one

-that you do when we pass in the corridors?

-Mimi!

Right. But now I know it's all a big fat act. You're a big fat liar

and we're about to have a big fat showdown.

You know, I really see football as an ongoing drama

about male solidarity.

-Benedict.

-Shari.

-Ryan.

-Mimi.

-Oh...

Shari! Messi was cleaning up.

-Immaculate pun, Ryan.

-Enough!

We know, OK?

-Know what, exactly?

-Er, duh!

That you're Nameless and you're...

One.

You what?

The idea that I produced those hackneyed video recuts is,

quite frankly, insulting.

And to think I said you had no imagination.

We know that you sabotaged Zoe's script.

"Zoe, quit the play today"?

We heard you, so don't play the denial card.

Oh! Suddenly less outraged, are we?

-Look, you got it wrong.

-No, Benny.

You got it wrong, if you thought we wouldn't figure it out.

It's Benedict, and, OK, Shari Holmes, we admit it.

We vandalised Zoe's script, but that was it.

I didn't want her in the showcase.

-GIRLS:

-What?

She's terrible. She's a total diva.

So, rather than just talking to her,

you decide to scare her out of the show?

And you, with all your anti-bullying and "Mimi is the worst",

-and then you go and do something like this?

-What?

Well, don't you think it's a bit mean?

-I guess.

-Yeah, well, you guessed right.

Mimi, I'm sorry.

I was wrong about you.

Yeah, well, good.

-Shari, say something.

-How about,

I can't believe you pretended to be the big bad troll just because you

were too scared to direct Zoe?

I didn't want her ruining our play.

Oh, yeah? Well, you should have thought...

Wait, did you just say "our play"?

We're sorry, OK?

But Zoe is terrible.

Excuse me?

I'm terrible? Coming from Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Director?

You idiots wouldn't recognise talent if it hit you in the face.

Big mistake, boys.

I quit.

So, all's well that ends well.

Mimi's back in the lead and we're the dynamic direction duo.

Ugh...

What?

What? The plan worked.

I cannot believe Benedict.

To think I was stupid enough to fancy him.

Yeah, well, it ends now.

Here that, brain? It's not happening.

They were both so out of order.

I mean, I think Ryan really meant it when HE said sorry but, whatever,

it changes nothing.

They're both trolls in training.

Although this does mean that neither of them is the Nameless One.

Ladies!

Yet again, we are flung into chaos.

I just found my director and my leading man in a tizz,

saying our second showcase star has resigned.

What happened to the spirit of collaboration?

Honestly, I look on your works and despair.

Hello, and welcome to Talking Pictures with me, Benedict, and...

John Cena!!

Why?

Hello, and welcome to Talking Pictures with me, Benedict.

And Perry At The Pictures with me, Perry.

Today, we're looking at...

John Cena!!

I hate you.