Pillow Fight of the Century Endangered Species

# Let's go on an adventure

# That isn't very wise

# Ha-ha-ha, I love you guys! #

Whoa!

Wah!

Whoa!

# This is getting crazier

# Feels like we're endangered

# Species! #

SHOUTS, BUMPS AND CRASHES

GULL LAUGHS

Hey, these pillow feathers are tickling my feathers.

BELL RINGS

Missed me. Missed me.

Nice swing.

What is the meaning of this mess?

Pillow fighting.

Gull is winning, though, again.

Pillow whating?

Hey, join in, Merl. We've got a third pillow.

No, Merl. Gull is too good.

-He'll pillow pound you to...

-Wait a minuto.

That is my pillow. Grr.

Oh.

Wow, Merle. Have you always been that fast?

With foot speed like that you could be a top-notch pillow fighter.

-Let's see you swing a pillow.

-Swing!

I didn't mean you, Gull.

MERL MUMBLES

-Get up. Take a swing, Merl.

-Swing? The pillow?

-Do it!

-Well, OK.

Take that. And this. And this.

PICKLE AND GULL LAUGH

-Why do you make the laughing?

-Your arms, Merl.

They swing like a couple of limp pool noodles.

PICKLE LAUGHS

Mm. Pool noodles.

Pool noodles. Ha-ha-ha.

I need them in my tummy!

Ah! Ooh!

You're not going to let him get away with that, are you? Get up.

Give him some of that rapid foot speed and pillow fight him back.

It is fine. I, erm, slip. Yes.

It's very slippery in here.

I ain't buying it. I'm training you for the rematch.

Rematch? What is this rematch?

Only the biggest pillow fight this stump has ever seen.

The pillow fight of the century!

Merl versus Gull, the battle for the stump!

It's backstroke meets sunstroke! Macadamia meets mac and cheese!

Hang on to your wigs, folks!

Erm, hello? Still hungry over here.

I can't find any limp noodles or mac and cheese.

There he goes again, Merl.

He's just asking for it and you're the one who's going to bring it.

-Ooh, the noodles?

-No.

-Mac and cheese?

-No, the pillow fighting stack-down.

You're going to clean his clock, Merl.

-Well, I like the cleaning.

-Yes!

You'll settle this tomorrow night. The lights.

The cameras. The action.

-It'll be a huge event.

-Yay! An event.

Maybe there'll be food.

Mmm. Pool noodles.

Hey!

MERL SNORES AND MUMBLES

LOUD HAILER FEEDBACK

Rise and shine, tough guy.

Eat up. Champions need fuel.

Huh? What is this?

Every piece of food we had in the kitchen. Less talking, more eating.

Ooh! Free food.

GULL BURPS

Mmm! Did you try this, Merl?

Don't take it from him, Iron Merl. That's what he wants you to do.

Eat a bunch of crud that will slow you down and make you sick. Bleurgh.

But wait. You just tried to make me eat it.

Forget the past, Cashew Clay, you've got to focus on your future.

Hey. Nee-ai.

That's a good walk-in there, Nutcracker,

but it ain't good enough!

Who is this cracker of the nuts and why is he do this to me?

Starting your training easy.

First, beanbags and then we work you up to a pillow.

But beanbags are heavier.

I think you're going to need a training montage.

All aboard the pain train!

Woo-woo!

INSTRUMENTAL PASTICHE OF THE EYE OF THE TIGER BY SURVIVOR

Come on, Merle!

Hey! Uh!

Ya! Ya!

Yo! Ya!

Ya!

Ya! Ya! Ya!

The helicoptero!

Yes.

Ya! Ya! Ya!

That's the spirit, you beechnut bruiser.

# The cry-y-y-y-y-y of the squirrel. #

Gull. You're ruining our montage.

Sorry. See you tonight, Merl.

It's here, folks. The night we've been waiting for.

David versus Goliath.

It's the feather-throwing bout to end all bouts.

Hi, Pickle. Hi, Merle.

You hear that, Acorn Assassin?

He's going to be coming at you and fighting dirty.

I do not know what any of this means.

It means keep your head on a swivel. Watch your blind spot.

If this guy has his way you'll be singing soprano

for the rest of your life.

-Singing what?

-Soprano!

-Who? Why are we singing?

Boo. Merl's a bum, a hack.

Don't listen to him, Hazelnut Hellhound.

You're no bum.

You're a bum!

But, wasn't that just...

No time for questions. You're an animal. You're a beast!

Look at him swing. He's got the killer instinct, I tells ya!

Good luck, Merl. I hope you win.

See how he mocks you?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages,

welcome to the pillow fight of the century.

Let's meet our combatants.

In the blue corner, ten lbs of raw power.

The unbeatable villain,

Gull!

I'm a villain.

In the red corner, the underdog,

the perennial weakling,

-the limp wristed, frail, glass-jawed, feeble...

-Enough!

Right. Merl, the nutcracker iron acorn macadamia

alley-footed beast of cashew pistachio of pain!

-It's just...

-Merl!

Let's get ready to pillow!

Touch pillows.

I want a clean fight. You keep it above the waist, you hear me?

Go, Merle. You can do it.

See that look, champ?

-That's the look of a wild beast.

-Er.

But he's only got the beast in his eyes.

Now, you, you gots it right here.

Release the beast!

Wait, they haven't rung the bell yet.

GULL LAUGHS

Don't fall for it, kid. He's faking you out.

BELL RINGS

Que?

Ooh!

Oh, so peaceful.

So cutesiful.

-Nutty body?

-What are you doing...

BELL RINGS Peekaboo. I see you.

Doh!

Don't worry about it, kid. You've got plenty more rounds to go.

Hi! BELL RINGS

Yah!

Ah.

Ooh!

Aw.

BELL RINGS

Wow, that went fast.

Hey, kid, this round's for all the marbles.

Go with your instincts. Do what feels natural out there.

Remember that training montage way back? Your speed is the key.

BELL RINGS

Looks like the clock's about to hit midnight for this Cinderella story.

Must. Keep. Swinging.

Nooo!

You're hanging in there. Keep circling.

Now go pillow him.

The move of the helicoptero!

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Swing.

BELL RINGS

It's over. It's over.

The new champion of the stump!

I won? Ha! I won!

-I won!

-Your new champion!

Gull? But he knocked himself out.

Yes, and he won by a knockout.

This, it does not make the sense.

He won and he lost?

-And me?

-You?

Well, you get your picture on the cover of newspapers

around the world, making the most ridiculous face ever.

Huh?