Hairy Nostrils Fee Fi Fo Yum

Giant Television proudly presents Fee Fi Fo Yum.

'Busy, busy. There. Studio's finished. What next?

'A showbiz star.'

Welcome to family fun for you, with me, Les Dennis.

-'That'll do.'

-You can't grab me! I'm a game show...

-'I can.

'Next, the humunchies. Yum, yum.'

-What are you doing? You can't eat him!

-'I can.

-'Watch me.'

-I hate that giant!

Now, it's Fee Fi Fo Yum!

Today's contestants, all the way from Glasgow, it's Electrify.

And they'll be playing against the Blue Pineapples,

who come from London.

Here's a taste of the thrills and spills

which stand between them and their freedoms.

Come on, guys!

Run!

Here he is, every giant's

favourite host, it's Des... I mean, Les Dennis!

Hello, and welcome to Fee Fi Fo Yum,

the show where the team that's not the winner

-will be Brian's...

-ALL:

-Dinner!

Here we are with our two teams of humunchies - that's you guys -

ready to do battle

for their freedom. This is going to be a great show.

I can just smell it. Hang on a minute, Brian.

Is that you?

The only thing I can smell is fresh humunchies,

and I'm going to eat them!

You'll have to wait,

and perhaps while you're waiting

you'd like to have a little trim around your...?

Now you come to mention it, Des, it has been a bit itchy.

Let's meet Electrify.

Hiya, Cameron.

Hiya, Les. I'm Cameron, and this is Cameron.

-Hiya, Les.

-This is Cameron.

-Hi, Cameron.

-This is Alannah.

-Hi, Les.

-Hello, Alannah.

-And this is Fraser.

-Hiya, Fraser.

Very good there. You drilled the team there, didn't you, Cameron?

-You've got three Camerons in the team.

-Yes.

We're going to call you Cameron One, Cameron Two, Cameron Three.

-Is that OK?

-Yes, that's fine.

That's Electrify. Let's go over and meet the Blue Pineapples!

-How are you?

-Hiya, Les.

-Good to meet you.

-This is Sarah.

-Hiya, Les.

-Hi, Sarah.

-This is Molly.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Molly.

-This is Joseph.

-Hiya, Les.

-Hi, Joseph.

-And this is Salma.

-Hi, Les.

-Hiya, Salma.

That's an unusual name,

the Blue Pineapples. Why did you call yourselves that?

We thought it was a very unique name and creative.

Yes, I don't think I've ever seen a blue pineapple.

-No way.

-I'm seeing five green ones, but you're blue ones.

That's the teams, and this is how we play Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Teams, you will compete in a series of games to earn time.

What does time mean?

-ALL: Freedom!

-Absolutely.

The more time you earn, the greater your chance

in the finale at the end,

which is called the Great Escape.

-Remember, the team that gets beat, Brian's going to...

-ALL: Eat!

After all, every giant needs his five a day -

and a nose trimmer, by the looks of it.

OK, let's get on and play the first game.

Now, after humunchies, which is you guys, Brian's favourite food is

meatballs and sprouts.

He can't get enough of them, and you have to feed him as many

as you can to stave off his hunger.

You'll be using the catapults that Brian has made for you

using matchsticks and plasters.

Hang on a minute, Brian.

That's not a giant nose hair on the plaster, is it?

I'm sorry, Des,

I tried to rip out my nose hair with it.

Brian, that is absolutely disgusting!

I've told you about hygiene. Fortunately, teams, I have a glove

to remove the offending article. There you go.

Because, remember,

it's Brian's gob it's going into.

Now, the team that feeds him the most will win

the first five-second lifeline, but more importantly,

take his mind off eating you for a while.

Let's find out who's going to play.

I'm going to go with

Cameron Two...

and Cameron Three.

And, I want Joseph...

and Sarah.

I've got my eye on you!

Brian's made his choice.

Teams, let's play.

Electrify, you'll be firing meatballs.

Blue Pineapples, you'll be firing the sprouts.

You have until Brian's egg timer runs out to feed him.

Good luck, teams.

Brian, it's over to you.

Three, two, one, feed me!

That's it, teams, support your players.

That just got him on his neck, I think.

The nose!

Mmm!

He's had a meatball!

He's had a sprout!

Ooh, another one up the nose! Oh, well done.

Remember, if it gets him anywhere but in his mouth, it can't count.

Things are going well now.

Come on, guys!

He's going to have a bruised chin!

-Time's up!

-That's it, teams.

Time's up. Rejoin your teams. That should stop

Brian's stomach from rumbling

for a while. Brian, how many meatballs did you eat?

Two!

HE FARTS AND BURPS

Oh, charming!

And how many sprouts?

Four!

So that means, Blue Pineapples, you earn the first five-second lifeline.

Well done. But it's still all to play for.

That's all for part one of Fee Fi Fo Yum. See you in a minute.

Feeling tired? And in need a boost?

Then you need Go Go Giant, giving you the energy to get up and go-go.

And go-go.

And go-go.

Don't live in slow-mo -

have some go-go!

A scent so raw.

A smell so natural.

A stench so pure.

Oh!

For a longer-lasting linger,

Eau De Toilet.

I'm sure I've got a bottle of that somewhere.

-Oh!

-Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum!

What a show. At the end of the first round,

the Blue Pineapples gained an early advantage

with a five-second lifeline,

and every second will count at the end of the show.

But don't worry, there's plenty of time up for grabs -

-and what does time mean?

-ALL: Freedom!

Yes, the team with the most time will stand the best chance

in The Great Escape.

Now, I don't need to tell you that this is

Brian's favourite part of the show.

He is so easily pleased.

Go on then, Brian, introduce it.

It's Des's Tasty Challenge!

Every time! I've told you, it's Les's Tasting Challenge!

Po-tay-to, po-tar-to.

Cameron Two, I don't know about you,

but I think Brian is a great big hairy lummox.

What was that, Des?

Ha! I said I can't wait to find out what's going to go in my stomach!

I really don't trust that silly little man.

OK, Brian has put some food, teams, under this dish.

I don't know what it is, it could be anything.

You have to guess how much of this food I can eat in 30 seconds.

Let's reveal the meal.

Sardines?! Oh, you've got to guess how many

of those I can eat in 30 seconds, and you've got to write it down.

The team that guesses right will get a five-second lifeline.

I wish I had a 30-second lifeline right now!

Write down your guesses, don't reveal them to the other teams.

Brian does this to me every time!

18 years he's had me here, and he gives me food I hate every time!

Brian!

-Keep them to yourself. Both got guesses written down?

-Yes.

All right.

Brian, can I have some light, please?

Here we go. Les, let's play Tasty Challenge.

TEAMS SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT

20.

15.

Ten, nine, eight...

Five, four, three, two, one.

TIMER CLUCKS

Time's up.

You started so you'll finish.

All right. Hang on, Brian.

All gone.

Electrify, can you reveal your guess?

Four, Les.

You put four. Blue Pineapples, reveal your guess.

-Seven.

-Seven?

That's optimistic, very optimistic.

Brian, how many sardines did I manage in the 30 seconds?

HE CLEARS THROAT

Des, you have eaten two sardines.

So, Electrify, you get the five-second lifeline.

Well done. So it's neck-a-neck right now.

That will make it really interesting when we get to

The Great Escape at the end of the show.

We're going to take a break and later we'll find out

which team will end up in Brian's tum. See you then.

# Fee, fee, fee! #

Hey, Mr Giant. Nice day, isn't it?

What's the matter? Come on,

take your hands away.

And the other one.

Now both at the same time.

Whoa! That's one hairy schnozer, you big hairy freak show.

But don't be sad because help is at hand

in the shape of the Waste Not Want Not Nose Hair Yanker.

Simply apply the yanker to the unwelcome hairy blockage

and off you go.

Whoa there, big guy! Don't fight it.

Just let it work its magic.

Oh, yeah, that's got to feel good.

Hey, don't waste all that lovely nose hair.

Why not have it made into a fancy new hair-do? Waste Not Want Not.

The Waste Not Want Not Nose Hair Yanker.

105 grots. Stocks limited.

Hello. Is that Waste Not Want Not?

I'd like to order a Nose Hair Yanker, please.

Could you charge it to my account, please? Yeah. It's Des Lennis.

What a close contest. Both teams on five-second lifelines

and there's plenty more time up for grabs as we play our next game.

Brian loves to play with his food, especially when it's alphabet soup,

because he can try to make words out of the letters.

I say try, because he can't make very long words.

That's where you come in, teams, because you have to dive into

the soup, get out the letters and make the longest word you can.

You can only have up to eight letters at any one time,

but if you don't like any of the letters, you can change them.

The team that makes the longest word will win that five-second lifeline.

All clear, teams?

-TEAMS: Yes, Les!

-OK.

Let's find out who's going to play.

Brian, who's going into the bowl?

You'll do nicely...Fraser. Mmm.

And I'll have...Amaan.

Delicious.

And who will be making the words?

I want...you!

Alannah and Cameron One.

And...

Molly and...Salma.

Yummy, yummy.

Brian's made his choice. Teams, let's play!

Fraser and Amaan, you will dive for the letters.

You will pass them to Alannah and Molly

who will then pass them to Cameron and Salma who will make the words.

As always, you have until Brian's egg timer runs out.

Good luck, teams. Goggles on.

-Over to you, Brian.

-Ready, steady, dive.

It doesn't matter which letters you get out to begin with.

-Any letters will do.

-Nice.

Covered in tomato sauce.

Get eight letters onto your piece of toast and then you can choose.

That's it, any letters to begin with. You can always change them.

You've got to put some back over here, the Blue Pineapples. Come on.

You'll never get a word with that.

You've only got seven. You can still pull another letter out there.

Come on. Get letters.

You've only got six now. You need another two to choose.

I can see a word there.

Time's running out.

TIMER CLUCKS

-OK.

-Time's up.

-That's it.

Time's up. Rejoin your team, please. Right, let's see.

Electrify, you came up with a four-letter word, which is heat.

Well done, it's a good word.

Brian, you don't have to look in your dictionary. It is a word.

And over here, the Blue Pineapples came up with

a four-letter word, sand.

But if you'd looked carefully, you could have had sander.

That's what Brian needs to do his toenails, a sander.

So you could have got that, but you got sand.

It's two four-letter words. You've have both got five-second lifelines.

Well done.

It's very close as we near The Great Escape.

Remember, the team that's not the winner will be Brian's...

-ALL: Dinner!

-We're going to take a break,

but, teams, you need to pay close attention to the ads,

because I will be quizzing you on those ads after the break.

Remember, you at home can play along as well.

Not that your life depends on it. Ha-ha!

Sorry, teams. See you then.

# Fee, fee, fee! #

# Whoa, Hairy Mary! #

For a smoother, more feminine you,

try the Hairy Mary Bearded Lady Rip 'n' Strip.

Simply apply and rip. Yeah, the pain is like nothing you've ever felt,

but oh, Momma, is it worth it?

Look at all that fuzz-free flesh.

-# Whoa, Hairy Mary... #

-Because I'm hairy.

# ..She's so scary. #

Warning. The footage you are about to see is not for the ain't farted.

-I mean faint-hearted.

-HE FARTS

Oi! That was pathetic!

Call yourself a giant?

You need some help, mate, and I know just the thing.

Go on, my son. Get involved!

A Bot Buster Bean ain't any old bean. It's a bean to the extreme!

RUMBLING

Here it comes.

HE FARTS

MEOW!

Oh!

Now we're talking!

HE CHUCKLES

Bot Buster Beans.

Making beans...

-HE FARTS

-..Making beans...

Making beans extreme.

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum.

So, teams, how are your powers of observation?

I'm about to quiz you on the ads you've just watched on GTV.

If you feel you know an answer, hit your buzzer

and I will give you a two-second lifeline if you're correct.

Be careful, because if you buzz in and give me an incorrect answer,

or don't answer at all, I'll pass it over to your opponents.

This is really vital, teams, because you currently

both have a ten-second lifeline,

so this is your last chance, teams, to win potentially life-saving time.

Good luck. Let's play.

OK, fingers on your buzzers.

Question one. At the start of the Bearded Lady Rip 'n' Strip ad,

Hairy Mary was playing with what?

Blue Pineapples.

-A racket.

-A red tennis racket.

A tennis racket?

Let's see if you're right.

Yes, you're right.

You get two seconds. Well done. You go into the lead. Question two.

In the Bot Buster Beans ad, which kind of animal was blown off a...

-Blue Pineapples.

-A ginger cat.

-A cat.

Let's see again if you're right.

Yes, it is a cat. Well done.

So, you need to get in here.

Question three. The Bot Buster Beans slogan is making beans what?

-Blue Pineapples.

-Extreme.

-Extreme.

Is it right?

Bot Buster Beans.

-Making beans...

-HE FARTS

-Making beans...

-HE FARTS AGAIN

Making beans extreme.

Yes, well done! You're doing well.

So, question four. How many cans of beans could you see stacked up?

-Blue Pineapples.

-Five.

-Five.

-Five.

Are you right again? Let's have a look.

Yes! Well done.

Question five. How many times did you hear the word beans?

-Blue Pineapples.

-Three?

-Three.

No, that's not the correct answer.

I can pass it across. This is your last chance to earn some time.

Electrify.

-Five.

-Five? Let's see if you're right.

A Bot Buster Bean ain't just any old bean. Bean, beans, beans, beans.

Making beans extreme.

No, it was seven, so that was incorrect.

Five was incorrect, so you don't get a two-second lifeline.

So that means at the end of that round, the Blue Pineapples,

you got four right, that's eight seconds. Well done.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How that will affect your overall lifelines? Let's find out...

..after the weather on GTV.

Here's Giant Television's latest forecast brought to you

by Bot Buster beans, loved by giants everywhere.

Hi, I'm Windy Wendy Weathervane.

I'm here with your GTV weather.

Today, it's going to be mainly windy,

especially around Misty Bottom.

FARTING

-And that's your weather.

-FARTING

I beg your pardon.

'You're watching Giant Television.'

Come to Daddy.

Teams, this is down to you. Brian doesn't get to pick anymore.

You must decide who will take on The Great Escape.

Remember... lives depend upon this decision.

Whoever steps up to the mark will have the fate of their team-mates

in their hands, literally.

I'll do it.

Guys, it is all about having fun, OK?

OK, teams, I need to know your decision.

So, Electrify, who is playing for you and why?

-I'm playing.

-So, Cameron, why have you been chosen?

-Because I think I can fight for our freedom.

-Good lad.

Over to the Blue Pineapples.

-Amaan, who's playing for you?

-I am.

-Why is that, Amaan?

-Because of my huge muscles!

-OK.

Cameron and Amaan. It's time for...

The Great Escape.

This is it.

Cameron and Amaan, Brian has trapped your team-mates

in the scales of justice and their future hangs,

literally, in the balance.

It's down to you two to attempt to release them, but standing between

you and them is The Great Escape.

First, you must tackle the doughnut dash.

Then it's on to the kitchen roll crawl,

but watch out for those meatballs.

Once safely through, it's on to the rolling pin run.

Beware, Brian's got his tea bags out!

Next comes the choc bar challenge where you must build a walkway

to Brian's big bowl and then it's up the slippery slope to the rope.

The player who gets to the top first must pull the release rope.

Only then can your team-mates be released through the freedom chute.

I don't need to remind you,

-if you're not the winner, you'll be Brian's...

-Dinner. I'm starving.

Brian's getting very hungry indeed.

Electrify, you have an overall lifeline of ten seconds.

It's good, Cameron. Is it good enough?

Blue Pineapples, you have an overall lifeline of...

18 seconds.

So yes, you have an eight second lead.

How do you feel about that, Amaan?

-I feel very confident.

-What with that and your muscles?

Yep, yep.

-Cameron. Do you think you can catch up?

-Yeah.

-Why?

Because I think I've got the will.

You've got the will and that's what you need.

-Yeah.

-Amaan, you will go on Brian's first whistle.

Cameron, you will go eight seconds later, on Brian's second whistle.

-Clear, teams?

-Yes.

Brian, are you ready?

I'm ready.

Amaan's already off. Watch that doughnut dash.

It's not as easy as it looks.

And now Cameron's off.

He hasn't tripped on the doughnuts. Will he catch up?

Oh Amaan's... Oh, he has fallen!

Gotcha!

So Cameron's catching up.

Oh, and you're off!

-Another one down.

-Amaan is across.

-Go on to the choc bar challenge.

-Come on, Amaan!

Cameron is across. It's very close.

It's very, very close.

Remember you have to finish the choc bar challenge

before you can get across it.

Amaan is across.

He is in the soup.

Now you face the slippery slope.

That's the hard bit.

Cameron's not far behind.

Cameron's catching up.

He's into the soup.

It's anybody's game.

Either team could go to freedom.

Either team could get eaten.

This is the hardest part of The Great Escape it seems.

Just when you're so close to freedom...

-You know what to do.

-Amaan's just ahead.

It's so close, this. So close!

Amaan, you're at the top! You've pulled the release button!

That's it!

Blue Pineapples, Amaan's muscles have won for you. Go on, get out.

Get to freedom. See you, Amaan. Bye.

Oh, Cameron, hard luck.

Despite your amazing willpower, it was the slippery slope

that let you down and you failed to release your team-mates,

which means you're not the winner, you're Brian's...

-Dinner.

-Brian, over to you.

CAMERON SCREAMS

-Help me!

-Bad luck.

-Rules are rules.

-Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Humunchies in my tummy.

Fee Fi Fo Yum!

I'm going to enjoy you.

No!

That's it from Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Brian's munching away on his five a day, but that

won't keep him happy for long.

Join us next time when two more teams of humunchies will fight for

their freedom and hope to stay out of Brian's tum. We'll see you then.

Say goodbye, Brian.

Goodbye, Brian.

SCREAMING

-Freedom.

-I'm watching you, Des.

It's Les!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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