Episode 2 Five Children and It

EXCITED CHATTER

Over here.

We've got so much money!

-THEY CHATTER

-Oh, look!

-Oh, it's lovely!

-Come on.

Just think, we can buy anything!

Pocket money for a million years in advance!

Look!

I'm going to buy a hat.

"Girls. Model - three guineas."

Peanuts! Have ten if you want 'em!

Go on, then, Panther.

-Yes?

-I'd like to buy a hat, please.

-That one.

-Without your mother?

I always buy my hats without Mother.

Really?

Ah!

I'll take it!

Just a minute.

I'm sorry, but these are not current coin.

It's good money.

-It's gold!

-I dare say.

But it's not the sort that's fashionable now,

and we don't care to take it.

Good day, Miss.

They wouldn't take the money.

Good job. You didn't half look a monkey in that hat!

BOYS CHUCKLE

Wait here. I'll go and get some ginger beer.

It's so hot. Dogs put their tongues out when it's hot.

I wonder if it'd cool us?

Let's try.

THEY LAUGH

They wouldn't change the gold.

-Told you.

-I had to pay for it out of my own 2/7.

-Sponge cakes!

-Yum!

Someone must take the gold.

-Mr Crispin would.

-Well, we'll just have to go round from shop to shop.

We've got bags of time till sunset.

INAUDIBLE SPEECH

GIRLS GASP

SHE SOBS

No luck?

THEY GASP

INDISTINCT RAISED VOICES

Oi!

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

Mr Peasmarsh, I presume?

They tell me you have a lot of horses and carriages to sell.

We should like to buy some, please.

I dare say you would!

Would you show us a few, please? To choose from.

Who are you akin of?

Was you sent here of a message?

I tell you, we want to buy some horses and carriages.

Upon my word!

Shall I try out the old stable for your honour's worship to see?

Please, if it's not too much trouble.

It would be most kind.

William! Here, William.

Come and look at this here young duke.

Wants to buy the old stud, lock, stock and barrel.

HE CHUCKLES

I'm not a duke, and I never said I was.

But if you think I haven't got the money...

William! Shut the yard gates.

William! Fetch the police.

Nice lot you are, come tempting honest men with your guineas!

They ARE our guineas.

And dragging little girls into it, too.

Here, I'll let the girls go if you come to the police quietly.

We won't be let go without the boys! It's our money just as much as theirs!

Well, where'd you get it, then?

Ah! Lost your tongue, eh?

Come on, where'd you get it?

Out of the sandpit.

Next article.

I tell you, we did.

There's a fairy there, all over brown fur,

and it gives you a wish every day, and they all come true!

Touched in the head, eh?

More shame on you boys,

dragging the poor afflicted child into your sinful burglaries!

We'll see what the police has to say about fairies in brown fur.

-THEY CLAMOUR AND SHOUT

-A serious offence, young man.

Master Robert, what have you been doing?!

-ALL TALK AT ONCE

-Shh, now.

What's all this about, may I ask?

Unlawful possession of quantities of gold, ma'am.

Turn out your pockets, you lot.

There.

I don't see nothing.

(Of course! The extra wish!)

There ain't any gold there.

Only the poor child's hands all over crock and dirt like the very chimney.

Oh, that I ever should see the day!

-You can't see it, ma'am?

-Plain as the nose on your face!

I think we'd best get along to the station and see what the Inspector's got to say about this.

ALL CLAMOUR AND SHOUT

A furry fairy in a sandpit! I ask you!

Produce the coins, officer.

Sir. Turn out your pockets!

THEY GIGGLE

Stop that noise at once and turn out your pockets!

I don't know how they done it, sir. Artful little beggars!

Right. Move back.

If you are quite done a-browbeating of innocent children,

I'll hire a private carriage.

And we'll drive home to their papa's mansion.

Pretending to see gold in poor helpless hands.

You'll hear more about this!

RAIN PATTERS

"When we were out the other day, we saw a..."

How do you spell Psammead?

You're not telling mother!

I'm not.

Q...

R...

S... S-A...

Samite....Samovar.

It's not here!

If it's not in the dictionary, best not mention it, Puss-cat.

Mother thinks nothing very much can happen to us round here.

But I've left a space for it now.

Then put something else.

I suppose it's not a very good day for the Psammead.

Even if Martha hadn't been mean and made us stay in.

Its poor top left whisker must be in agony in all this wet!

SHE YAWNS I wish...

Don't!

Will this do? "We saw a strange thing, but it's nearly post time,

"so no more at present from your little girl, Jane."

That's much better.

"PS, if you could have a wish come true, what would you have?"

I think I know.

One, two, three, four, five.

Oh, I think I shall always get up at five!

Oh, it's too pretty for anything!

I've thought of the most marvellous wish in the world.

Talking to yourself doesn't necessarily mean you're mad.

SHE SIGHS

Psammead?

Psammead, please come out! SHE SIGHS

Psammead?

COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING

It's too bad.

The weather's Arctic and it's still the middle of the night!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Here.

-Thank you.

-That's better.

What's the wish this morning?

I'm not sure. You see, we've been very unlucky so far.

-I wish...

-Look out!

Oh, no!

Not a magic wish, don't do it now!

Wait till the others are here.

-Oh, very well.

-HE EXHALES

HE SHIVERS

Would you like to come a little closer to me?

You'd be warmer.

Thank you. You really are very thoughtful.

Well, as I said,

everything we've wished for so far has turned out rather horrid.

Couldn't you advise us?

You are so old and you must be very wise.

Child, I can only advise you to think before you speak.

But won't you just tell me...

Well, do you think wings would be a silly wish?

Wings? I should think you might do worse.

Only have a care you're not flying high at sunset!

Oh, Psammead.

Why don't our wishes turn to stone, like the pterodactyls did?

Why do they just...vanish?

People wish for such high-flown things these days.

-You can't turn "beautiful as the day" into stone, now, can you?

-No.

-HE YAWNS

-I am so sleepy.

SNORING

And one for Martha.

And one for Lem.

Pass the treacle, Miss Jane.

Sorry, Martha.

Where have you been?

I'll tell you later.

All I can say is, I think it will be a very good day.

What, you mean the Psammead...? Ouch!

(And it will be even better if the Lamb isn't there.)

And one for Martha... Mmmm!

One for Lem.

Burning! I smell burning!

Oh, that dratted girl has left that pan on!

-I can't smell anything!

-Shh!

None for Robert.

And lots for the Lamb.

THEY SNIGGER

And lots for Lamb.

Oh!

Well, you've got a sharper nose than I've got, Master Robert.

There's nothing there! Agh! Just look at him!

-THEY LAUGH

-He's just bathed!

And the four of you just sat there and watched him, I suppose?

As if I haven't got enough to do,

what with everything topsy-turvy and the whole house to put to rights,

and none of you blink an eyelid.

Oh, I really don't know, I really don't!

I've had enough, I really have!

He'll be in the bathtub now.

But why will it be better without him?

Not that it usually isn't, of course.

Because I've thought of a perfectly splendid wish.

It's just isn't very suitable for a baby.

Wings!

Not so dusty!

Really, Panther, you're not quite the fool you look!

I think it will be perfectly lovely!

It's like a dream of bright delirium.

-Come on, then. Let's wish it!

-Yes!

-Yes!

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Well, what's your wish today?

I wish we all had beautiful wings to fly with.

HE INHALES DEEPLY

HE EXHALES

-Yes! We've got the wings!

-They're wonderful! Hooray!

THEY ALL TALK EXCITEDLY

A warning.

There was a prince of Niniveh I heard of once.

He wished for wings, and got them.

But he forgot they'd turn into stone at sunset.

And when they did,

he fell smack onto one of the winged lions on his father's palace.

Not a pretty story.

But ours won't turn to stone, will they?

They will vanish!

And that'd mean a pretty hefty thump.

Precisely! Good day.

Oh, but can we really fly?

What else are wings for, silly?

But we don't know how! We've never had lessons.

Don't be such a muff.

Watch!

Oh, we can!

SHE SQUEALS WITH DELIGHT

Right.

One, two, three!

Whoa!

Higher! Higher!

Oh, it's wonderful.

It's beyond my wildest dreams!

Bird's eye view!

THEY CHUCKLE

I don't know. Only got to turn my back one minute, you little sweetheart,

and you're covered in treacle! But we'll get your clothes dry today.

Look, it's a good drying day.

-Oh, there's Martha!

-And the Lamb!

-Coo-ee, Martha!

-But she can't see us!

-THEY LAUGH

I don't know. I suppose they're off to that sandpit again.

I can't think what they find to do with themselves there!

THEY LAUGH

-I'm ravenous.

-Me, too.

Let's go to a farm and ask for some bread and cheese.

-I'm so hungry.

-Now, Jane.

Fold your wings in as tight as you can and try to look normal.

Like this? Do I look normal?

YOU don't.

DOG BARKS

-WOMAN SHRIEKS

-I...

-She'll die of fright!

JANE SCREAMS

Come on, let's go and land on the church tower.

No one'll see us there!

Oh, look, there they are!

Come on!

THEY LAUGH

-Are you all right?

-Isn't it wonderful?

-Yes, it is!

-We just nearly got shot!

-Bobs?

-But we didn't.

And we only wanted some food.

We can't possibly last all day without dinner or tea.

Perhaps the clergyman might feed us.

He must know all about angels.

Anyone can see we're not that!

Look at Robert's boots and Cyril's plaid necktie!

Well, in wars, if the natives won't give you provisions,

-you just take them.

-What war?

And no good brother would allow his little sisters to starve in the midst of plenty.

What plenty?

Well, I just happened to fly past the vicarage.

And I just happened to look in the window of the larder.

And I noticed...

cold chicken, custard pudding,

ham, pies, jam!

Oh, stop!

How clever of you, Squirrel!

-It's a rather high window. But with wings...

-Yes!

We'll have to club our money, though.

And leave it to pay.

All right. How much money have we got between us? Give it all, give it all.

Right. 5/6 ha'penny.

Too much. 18 pence, I'd say.

Half a crown.

And I'll write a note to explain.

"Dear Reverend clergyman.

"We are very hungry

"because of having to fly all day.

"We do not think it is stealing when you're starving to death.

"Of course, you would know about angels.

"But you would not think we were angels."

Here's the money and the note.

Right, thank you.

I'll just get the bare necessities to survive.

I'll hand them out to you.

Right.

Water.

Bread.

Ham.

Cyril! Only the bare necessities to survive.

-THEY GIGGLE

-Sit still, I can't do it!

THEY SQUEAL AND LAUGH

-No! No!

-ANTHEA LAUGHS

Give it to me, I'll do it myself.

That's the best meal I've ever had on top of a church tower.

-Bops?

-If I eat any more, I'll bust.

If pigs had wings!

I vote we have a rest till the grub wears off.

That's a good idea.

There is one thing...

At least nothing horrid's happened with this wish.

# When you want your heart's desire

# And there's nothing but the fire

# Of a madly yearning wild imagination

# When all you have to do is choose

# And if you don't You're bound to lose

# Something special in your life Will pass you by

# Castles in the air On a chest of purest gold

# Cast aside despair Start a quest before you're old

# Try wishing a little harder every day

# Wishing to chase the clouds away

# In the twinkling of an eye You'll grow taller, even fly

# You don't know until you try so do

# And with the magic that you find

# Dream your dream away. #