Episode 12 Gigglebiz


Episode 12

Sketch show. Opera Oliver sings for everyone else's supper at his restaurant, while Rod and Annette enjoy another quiet day out on the riverbank.


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Transcript


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It's Gigglebiz!

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Here we go! #

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Ho-ho!

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On today's Gigglebiz, The Lost Pirate!

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Gail Force!

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Opera Oliver!

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Arthur Sleep!

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And here's Rapids Johnson.

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Mmmm - Wine Gums for emergencies. Now, what else?

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Oh, hello! Rapids Johnson here,

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in search of the big brown Bulgarian bear.

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But I've taken some time out to come to the supermarket

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to stock up for my next expedition.

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There's no chance of seeing the bear here. They don't like bright lights,

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supermarkets or generally people shopping.

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You see, they're out in the wild

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collecting food for their family at the moment. Now, what else do I need?

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Oh, yes! Wheaty Flakes - my favourite. Um... Ah-ha! There's some!

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Yummy!

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But don't you worry - I'll find the big brown Bulgarian bear,

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-or my name's not Rapids...

-Johnson.

-Thank you! Keep 'em peeled!

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It's time for The Lost Pirate.

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ALL: Har-har! THEY LAUGH

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Har-har! A thousand thanks, my old barnacle.

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Well, Captain Squawk, what do you think?

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I got a new eye patch for my eye! Where are you? Oh, there you are!

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And it must have been my lucky day -

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buy one eye patch and get a second one free!

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Look at that! Who's a pretty boy?

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Aye-aye, captain! Get it? Eye-eye?

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Har-har! Come on, let's go and find that treasure. Right!

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Oooh! Man overboard!

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Captain Squawk, I can't see where anyone is!

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-Hello, Farmer Dung.

-Oh! Hello, there. You all right?

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Have you got some animals to show us?

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Oh, yeah! I've got some animals to show you.

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He's lovely. Is that a new rabbit?

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No! That's not a rabbit!

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Are you sure? It looks like a rabbit.

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Well, he does look like a rabbit, don't he?

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No, he's my new hare.

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Oh, so this is your new hare, is it, Farmer Dung?

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That's right. My new hare.

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Reggie's got new hare, too.

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Reg, come here. Show us your new hare.

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There you go. See? This is my new hare,

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and that's Reggie's new hair. Get it?

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New hare. New hair!

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THEY LAUGH

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Reg! Oh, you...! He cracks me up.

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He don't get it. He just wants his food. Ha-ha!

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My word! I thought you were going to get purple hair.

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Thank you, Farmer Dung.

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Doctor Doctor will see you now!

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Next!

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Now, how can I help you?

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Doctor Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.

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Well, sit on the couch and we'll talk about it.

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-I'm not allowed up on the couch!

-Oi! Next!

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So I said to Hugh, "Fine words but they're no parsnips."

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I said, "Go on, go and feed the chickens

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"and stop getting under my feet."

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Oh! Hello, there, my little tikka masalas.

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And welcome to Dinner Time with me, Dina Lady.

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And this is my assistant, Tommy Tummy.

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-Say hello, Tommy.

-Hello, Tommy!

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Now today, we're going to make a special kind of sandwich.

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-It's called a club sandwich.

-Yay!

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All right, Tom, hold it together.

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I've got some ingredients here. I've got my two slices of bread ready.

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I just need my club filling. I won't be a mo, Tom.

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Hold the fort, won't you?

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It's called a club sandwich, but it actually contains chicken,

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bacon, tomato and lettuce. Not a golf club or anything silly like that.

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There we are. Now, I've decided to use a three iron,

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but you can use a driver or a putter if you want.

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Dina, I don't think you use a real golf club.

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Course you do, Tom! I don't know...

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And there's plenty of iron in it, too.

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Nice boy. Daft, though.

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Now, simply place your club in between the two slices of bread,

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and there you have it.

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One club sandwich. Easy as pie.

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Till next time, my little hole in ones!

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There you go, Tom. Enjoy.

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I'll go and get the tea caddy, shall I?

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Away, bairns, Keith Fit here, doing a spot of goalkeeping.

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Now, to be a champion goalkeeper, you have to stay focused at all times.

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And you need a pair of champion goalkeeping gloves, like these.

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OK, bairns, now, as you know, I've been goalkeeping for over 20 year

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and I've never let one in.

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Right, watch and learn, bairns. Watch and learn.

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OK. Would you... I can do that one! No! I would...

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And that's how you become a champion goalkeeper.

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And now it's time for your Giggles!

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-Hey, Justin.

-Hey, Nick. Have you got a joke?

-Yeah.

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Great, he's got a joke. OK, what is it?

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What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

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I don't know, what did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

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I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.

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THEY LAUGH

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What's on the menu today? Let's find out, with Opera Oliver.

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APPLAUSE

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-# I'm Opera Oliver!

-Opera Oliver! #

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# We're waiting for our grub

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# We're hungry for our nosh

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# I know that they are waiting, but I am waiting, too

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# Because I am a waiter who is a-posh

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-# I'd like to have my fish!

-Where did I put that dish?

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-# I've waited for an hour

-Ah, bueno, here's the flour

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-# I ordered soup

-It's on its way

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-# Starting to droop

-OK, OK

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-# We want our food!

-Well, don't be rude

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# We're hungry, we're starving, she's going to faint! #

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SHE GROANS

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-# Here's your spaghetti with jam

-Ugh

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-# And meatballs with ice cream and ham

-Ugh

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# A delicious pizza with a cherry on the top

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# And I think you ordered a sausage lollipop

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# This is incredible, it is inedible

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# You silly, silly, silly, silly man

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# I do the best I can! #

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Come on, Daphne, it's not good enough.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Oh, hello! How nice to meet you. Sit yourself down, have a little rest.

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I've got to sit here, of course, as usual, while he fishes.

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Ho! SHE LAUGHS

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I don't know why he bothers. He never catches anything. Nothing at all.

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But at least he's out of harm's way. At least I know where he is.

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I like to keep my eye on him.

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At the end of the day, it makes him happy. That's what it's all about.

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He's out in the open in the fresh air,

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not getting into any trouble or mischief. I get time to myself.

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You know, you never catch anything round here.

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Like I say, never catches anything. Do you, love?

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Bless.

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Ha-ha. Do you knit?

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Look, I'll show you.

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See?

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Doctor Doctor will see you now!

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Next!

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-Now, how can I help you?

-Doctor Doctor, I think I'm a bridge.

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Hmmm. What's come over you?

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Two cars, a lorry and a coach.

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Ha-ha-hoi! Next!

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All right, bairns, Keith Fit here, doing another spot of goalkeeping.

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All right. Now, to be a champion goalkeeper, the golden rule is,

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never take your eye off the ball.

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OK? Remain focused at all times.

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-You right, Keith?

-Hey! All right, Kevin. How's it going?

-Good.

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-How are the bairns?

-Good.

-Oh, good to see you, man. Great guy.

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And that's how you become a champion goalkeeper.

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Oh, that's lovely, yes. Bangers and mash are lovely.

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All right, I'll see you at six. All right. Bye, Mum.

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Oh! Sorry about that. I'm Arthur Sleep and here's the news.

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In the village of Little Bottom, the residents can't stop sneezing.

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We've sent our top reporter, Gail Force,

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to see if she can get to the bottom of this. Get it? Top and bottom!

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-HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

-Oh, all right. Gail, over to you.

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Thank you, Arthur. Yes, hello, I'm here in the village of Little Bottom

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where there's been a recent bout of sneezing.

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I'm here with two of the villagers. This is Mary and John.

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That's Mary and that's John.

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John, when did the sneezing first start?

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Oh, no... HE SNEEZES

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Oh! Oh, dear. That's not very good, is it, John?

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Don't worry, don't speak. There's no need for words.

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Mary, how many times a day would you...

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SHE SNEEZES

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Would you say... Three. Three sneezes.

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Oh, dear. I'm sorry, Gregor, it's gone over the mic.

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Well, on a positive note, at least I haven't been affected.

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This is Gail...

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SHE STARTS TO SNEEZE

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Ah-ch-ch... Oh. That was close. Back to the studio.

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SHE SNEEZES VIOLENTLY

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Now, for more of your Giggles!

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Why did the boy eat his homework?

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I don't know, why did the boy eat his homework?

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Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

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THEY LAUGH

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Professor's diary, six o'clock. The experiment to make gold has failed

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and we made mud instead.

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Oh! Ha-ha! HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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Hello, I'm Professor Muddles. Oh, there you are.

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I'm Professor Middles. I mean, Muddles.

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Today, we're going to be testing a special invisible ink -

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an ink that writes things that we can't see at all. Ha-ha!

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And here it is. Oh, that's not it. Oh, yes, here it is.

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Now, I've taken this pen and filled it with invisible ink.

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Now the pen is invincible. I mean, Dunstable. I mean, invisible.

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Didn't see that coming. I can't see it at all!

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And then I wrote a letter on some paper. And now, of course,

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the paper is invisible. Oh, dear. I wonder where it is.

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It could be down here. I'll just have a look. No. Is it up there?

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Argh! Oh, dear! I seem to have spilled the invisible ink over me.

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Oh, no! Now I'm turning invisible! You see? Oh, no! You can't see!

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In conclusion, the invisible ink does, in fact, work.

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You see that? Oh, no, you can't see. I'm Professor Muddles.

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Help! I can't see a thing. Goodbye! Wow!

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Ready, teddy, go! It's Rapids Johnson.

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Hello! Rapids Johnson here, taking a bit of time off from my search

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for the big brown Bulgarian bear.

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Now, being an explorer, I quite often have to get used to cold weather.

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So, I thought it'd be a good idea to have an ice cream to help me.

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One delicious ice cream, please.

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Now, what we know... Oh. Thank you!

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What we know about these bears is, they don't like ice cream.

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Which is strange because - mmmm - it's delicious!

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But don't you worry. I'll find this bear, or my name's not Rapids...

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-Johnson.

-Thank you! Keep 'em peeled!

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Mmmm!

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go!

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# Cheerio, ta-ta Bye-bye

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-# Farwell, TTFN

-Arrivederci

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# We all hate to say goodbye

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# But we'll be back again

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na It's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go! #

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Ho-ho!

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Sketch show. Opera Oliver sings for everyone else's supper at his restaurant, and Rod and Annette enjoy another quiet day out on the riverbank - well, Annette does, anyway! Dina Lady reveals the mysteries of making the perfect club sandwich, and Keith Fit passes on his expertise about being a great goalkeeper. There are also quick-fire giggles from Doctor Doctor. Including the Gigglekids, children from all round the country who tell Justin their favourite jokes.


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