Episode 9 Gigglebiz


Episode 9

Sketch show. Professor Muddles attempts the tricky science of weighing bubbles, while Rapids Johnson takes a trip to the beach to find a rare panda.


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Transcript


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It's Gigglebiz!

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Here we go! #

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Ho-ho!

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On today's Gigglebiz...

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Rapids Johnson, Dina Lady,

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The Burrito Brothers,

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Rod and Annette.

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And here's Professor Muddles!

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Ooh, nearly. Ooh.

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Oh-ho-ho! Nearly had you!

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Ooh! Oh, dear.

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Popped.

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Oh, dear. This is very tricky.

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Hello there. I'm Professor Bubbles. Er, I mean Muddles.

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Today, we're going to find out how much a bubble weighs.

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First of all, we need a wubble to beigh. I mean, a bubble to weigh.

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Right, just give me a minute.

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Tricky to catch - they keep popping! Never mind.

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All good scientists have a plan B, and here is mine.

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I'm going to take this can of extra-fizzy drink... Mmm!

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Then I'll trap all of the wubbly bubbles. Er, I mean, lovely bubbles,

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into my timmy. Er, I mean, tummy,

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and weigh myself on here.

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Then I shall calculate the answer.

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Here goes. Oh! Now don't forget - don't try this at home.

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I am a trained scientist.

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Oh, dear. It's very fizzy. Pop my straw in.

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SLURPING

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Ah!

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There. Hic! Oh, excuse me!

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Oooh! Hic!

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I think I've - hic! - swallowed too many - hic! - bubbles! Oh, dear!

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I'm Professor Bubbles. Whoa! I mean Muddles. Whoa! Goodbye!

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Ha'way, bairns. Keith Fit here, doing a spot of golf.

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Now, sometimes your ball ends up in a bunker.

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A bunker is a big hole in the ground, filled with sand.

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But no worries. I've been getting out of bunkers for...20 year, Tone?

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20 year.

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We'll need a special club, called a sand wedge.

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Tone, pass us a sand wedge, mate.

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Here it comes now. Beautiful. Right, you take... No, man!

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Oh, Tone! Not a sandwich! A sand wedge!

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Oh, Tone!

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Always playing jokes on me when I'm trying to play golf!

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Cheers, Tone. I don't know.

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All right. Watch and learn, bairns. Watch and learn.

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You give your ball a big whack

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and it'll go out the sand. OK. Here we go.

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Ha'way!

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And that's how you get out of a bunker. Champion!

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Doctor Doctor will see you now!

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Next!

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Now, what seems to be the problem?

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Doctor Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.

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I'll DEAL with you later!

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Next!

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Oh, hello. How nice to meet you. Sit yourself down. Have a little rest.

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I mean, I've GOT to sit here, of course, while he fishes.

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Ho!

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Hee-hee. Sweet.

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I don't know why he bothers - he never catches anything.

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Nothing at all. And today, he says he'll catch a really big fish.

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Imagine that - a really big fish. I mean, he never catches anything!

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Nothing at all.

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SHE LAUGHS

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I shouldn't laugh, really.

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It keeps him happy. At the end of the day, that's what it's about.

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He's out in the open, the fresh air. Not getting into trouble or mischief.

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I get a bit of peace and quiet, time to myself.

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Oh, you know what we need? A nice cup of tea.

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Warming inside.

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I mean, catch a big fish! He never catches anything!

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Do you, love?

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Bless!

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Mm!

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So Delia said, "Can I have your mince pie recipe, Dina?"

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I said, "You get back in the queue and wait with everyone else."

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I don't know. Oh, hello there, my little wind chimes.

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Welcome to Dinner Time with me, Dina Lady.

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This is my assistant, Tommy Tummy.

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Say hello, Tommy.

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Hello, Tommy.

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Today we're making one of MY favourite recipes.

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-Choux buns.

-Yay!

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All right, Tommy. Rein it in.

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I've laid out some fresh pastry, and we've got some whipped cream.

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Take the cream. Oh...oopsie!

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I've forgotten the most important part! Back in a mo.

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-Who's my little tiger?

-Me.

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Now, some pastry is thick and flat,

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but this is a special type of puffy pastry, known as choux.

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It's a French word. That's why we call them choux buns.

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Nothing to do with the shoes on your feet!

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What are you chuntering on about?

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-I was telling the viewers about choux pastry.

-What? Oh, no, no, no.

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Nice boy. Daft, though.

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Now, where was I? Oh, yeah.

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-Take your pastry and place your shoe on top.

-Dina, you're not...

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You are, aren't you?

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And then, place some lovely whipped cream in your shoe!

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I like quite a lot of whipped cream, I do. There we are.

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Don't try this at home!

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Then roll the pastry around the shoe, like so,

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and finish it off with a tiny bit of chocolate sauce.

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There. Delicious!

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One shoe bun!

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Easy as pie.

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See you next time, my little crinkle-cut chips!

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Now, if you're on a diet, use a flip-flop.

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But if you're hungry, use a wader.

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Now it's time for your giggles.

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What has keys but can't open locks?

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Oh, I don't know. What keys can't open locks?

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The keys on the piano.

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Oh, no! Piano keys, of course! Good one.

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Ha'way, bairns. Keith Fit here.

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Back in the bunker, but neh worries,

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because my motto is, if at first you don't succeed,

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give it a good whack. Isn't that right, Tony?

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He knows. He's been playing golf for 20 year.

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Right, watch and learn. Watch and learn.

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What? Eh? Neh bother.

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Champion! And that's how you play golf.

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APPLAUSE

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ALL: Hey!

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HE COUGHS

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HE COUGHS

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HE COUGHS

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ALL: Hey!

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Hey!

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Hey!

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APPLAUSE

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Now then, let's see what we have in here, shall we?

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Oh, I say! Now this is truly beautiful.

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Do you know what it is?

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-Yeah, it's a carpet.

-That's right, it's a carpet.

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But do you know where it's from?

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Not really, but I know where it's going.

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Well, let me tell you. It's a Turkish banqueting carpet.

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It's in wonderful condition.

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Let's have a feel of how... Oh, I say! It's very soft.

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Oh, yes, and such a beautiful colour. It's lovely.

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I think I'll have a little lie down. Lovely! Very comfortable.

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Please yourself. It's not mine.

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Now, this rug was probably made... Oh, I say! What's going on?

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Erm, yes... Well, I'm... quite literally moving on!

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Doctor Doctor will see you now.

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Next!

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-Now, what seems to be the problem?

-Doctor Doctor, I think I'm a snail.

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Don't worry, we'll soon have you out of your shell. Ha!

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Next!

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Hello, I'm Arthur Sleep and here's the news.

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Oh, thank you very much, Doreen. This just in.

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Oh, dear. Oh, right.

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Oh, dear me.

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Right. I'll have the jacket potato with chips, beans, salad

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and some anchovies on the top. Thanks, Doreen.

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Now we go over to Gail Force for our special report. Gail.

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Don't forget to grate the cheese, Doreen. She always forgets.

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Oh, my! Yes, hello, Arthur.

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Well, today, I'm here in a sports field and as you can see

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behind me, there are some boxers.

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Oh!

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I meant BOXERS not BOXES.

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Back to the studio, Arthur.

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Thanks there, Gail. That report certainly packed a punch.

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Ha-ha! Packed a punch - get it? They're boxers, aren't they?

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I'm wasted here. I should be at The Palladium. Now this.

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Hello. I'm Johnson Rapids. I mean, Rapids Johnson. Ha-ha!

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Still searching for the giant panda. As we know, these animals

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are very shy, so I thought I'd try out my new panda call.

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Ha-ha! See if it works. Ready? Ga-hee-ah! Ga-hee-ah! Ugh, ugh, ugh!

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Ga-hee-ah! Ga-hee-ah! Oh, oh, ah, ah, ah!

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Let's see if it's worked. Oh, nothing!

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Let's try again, shall we? Practise makes perfect. Ready?

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Ga-hee-ah! Ga-hee-ah! Oh, ah, eh!

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Ga-hee-ah! Ga-hee-ah! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!

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That might have worked.

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Oh, blast! Nothing again. Never mind, I will find that giant panda,

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or my name's not, er... Rapids Johnson. Keep 'em peeled.

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Ga-hee-ah! Ga-hee-ah! Oh, oh, oh!

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Now for more of your giggles.

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-Hey, Justin.

-Hey, Alisa. Have you got a joke?

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-Yes.

-Great, what is it?

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What's a mouse's favourite game?

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I don't know, what is a mouse's favourite game?

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Hide and squeak.

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Hey! Hide and squeak!

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Ha'way, bairns. Keith Fit here, back on the golf course.

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Now, last time, I showed you how to whack the ball with a club,

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but it was the wrong club. So I'm getting help from my caddy, Tony.

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Tony's been my caddy for 20 year, isn't that right, Tone?

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A caddy helps you to pick the right club for the job.

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OK, Tone, can I have a driver, please?

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A driver is a big club.

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Oh, beautiful! Look at that beast.

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OK. Now we're going to whack the ball as hard as we can.

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Stand back, Tone.

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Watch and learn, bairns, watch and learn. OK.

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Away!

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It's all right, don't... I'm all right. Oh!

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And that's how you play golf. Champion!

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Oh, Tone, my back...

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Hello, I'm Rapids Johnson and I'm here at the beach.

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I don't know why, because there's no chance of seeing a giant panda.

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Thank you. So I've decided to go home.

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Ah! Keep 'em peeled.

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go

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# Cheerio, ta-ta, bye-bye

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# Farewell, T-T-F-N Arrivederci

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# We all hate to say goodbye But we'll be back again

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# Na, na, na, na, na, na Gigglebiz

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# Na, na, na, na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na, na, na, na, na, na Gigglebiz

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# Na, na, na, It's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go. #

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E-mail [email protected]

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Professor Muddles attempts the tricky science of weighing bubbles, Rapids Johnson takes a trip to the beach to find a rare panda, Dina Lady tells us all about choux pastry and the Berito Brothers give another amazing display of their circus skills. There are also quick-fire giggles from Doctor Doctor. Including the Gigglekids, children from all around the country who tell Justin their favourite jokes.


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