Episode 15 Gigglebiz


Episode 15

Comedy sketch show for younger viewers. Prehistoric cave dwellers Ug and Ig play a game with some dice made out of rock.


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Transcript


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# Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, Gigglebiz

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# Nah, nah, nah, nah, ho, ho, ho

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# Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, Gigglebiz

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# Nah, nah, nah, nah, here we go. #

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Coming up on Gigglebiz,

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Will Barrell,

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Ug and Ig,

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Storybook Stan,

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Nana Knickerbocker,

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and now here's Ann Teak.

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CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

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Hmm! Excuse me. I'm just having a well-deserved break.

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-Now, what have you got here for me, Mr...?

-Chapman.

-Hmm.

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Oh, how intriguing and beautiful.

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-Do you know what it is?

-Yes, I do...

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Well, let me tell you, Mr Cheese On Toast,

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-this is a piggy bank.

-And it's very valuable.

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Yes. Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. I am the expert.

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I'll decide on that.

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Now, these piggy banks would have been used for saving

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money in the olden days.

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Let me demonstrate.

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Now I've got here a 20p.

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Now, if I wanted to save the 20p,

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I would simply cast the coin into the slot of the piggy bank, like so.

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Oh, did you hear the lovely ring?

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And then I would wait for a rainy day to be over and treat myself...

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by simply turning over the piggy bank

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and retrieving the coin by popping - oh!

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Hang on a minute. There's supposed to be a hole here.

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-That's because it's hidden. Would...?

-What?

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Would you be careful with that?

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-It's worth a lot to me.

-My 20 pence? It's mine!

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-No, not your 20p. My piggy bank, it's worth a lot of...

-Oh.

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Ah-ha! Look at that, Mr Chip Shop.

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What a relief. My 20p is in perfect order.

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That piggy bank was expensive.

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Ah! Well, that's where you're wrong, Mr Chapman,

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you see, because I'm afraid it's absolutely worthless. Take care now.

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Next!

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Ooh!

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BUTTERFLY SLURPS

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BUTTERFLY LAUGHS

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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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Hello there. I'm Arthur Sleep and this is the news.

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Last night, thieves broke into a town centre wig shop

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and stole all the wigs.

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Police say they are combing the area. HE LAUGHS

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Combing the area! Doreen, did you get that one?

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Of course you didn't. You never... I don't know. Honestly...

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Now over to a man with a fine head of hair, definitely not a wig.

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It's Keith Fit with the sport. Keith, what have you got?

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999.

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And a thousand. Oh!

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Away, bairns, didn't see you there.

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Keith Fit here and, as you can see,

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despite being stuck in the TV studio,

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Keith always keeps up an intensive fitness programme.

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Now today, I'm doing the good old-fashioned press-up...

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and they're great for improving your fitness all over your body,

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particularly this set of...

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These are called the...

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You know, muscles.

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And then of course it holds...

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The... The...

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The tummy...in.

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Right! Now... I usually do more than a thousand press-ups every day.

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Don't worry. I've been doing it for over 20 year.

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You don't have to do as many as me. OK. Where were we?

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OK. 1,001...

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1,002... 1,000...

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Oh, dear. You all right, Keith?

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Erm, that's my new record. Champion!

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Ah! Hello there.

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-Knock, knock.

-Who's there?

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-Cash.

-Cash who?

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Oh, no, thank you, but I'd like a peanut.

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-LAUGHTER Bye-bye!

-Bye, Justin.

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Hey, hang on. What about my peanut?

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Now let's go back to long, long ago.

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This is the home of Ug and Ig, where almost everything is made of rock.

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HE GROANS

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Hiya. Hi, Ig.

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Ig's playing snakes and ladders today, Ug.

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Ah!

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You think you can make something better?

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Yeah!

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-And bigger?

-Yeah, big. Big!

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Tah-dah! Ig!

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Ah, you've made a die, Ug.

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Oh!

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Lift.

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Ah.

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Right! Haha!

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Come on.

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Ooh! That's good.

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Er...right.

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I just... Oh, no, no, no!

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HE GROANS

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Can you help me?

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Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, all right.

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Ah, right. I'll roll it. Arg!

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Right. Where were we?

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Ooh!

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This one! Yeah.

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HE GROANS

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Oh-oh. Er... Where's the game?

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Haha!

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That's a good idea, Ig. You've turned it into a chair.

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Well done, Ug.

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Well done, Ig.

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Oh, thanks.

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It's silly time!

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Ooh!

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BUTTERFLY WHISTLES

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BUTTERFLY SLURPS

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BUTTERFLY LAUGHS

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And now it's time for your giggles.

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What did one eye say to the other eye?

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I don't know.

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Something between us smells.

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Oh, yes! Oh, hello, everyone.

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I'm Storybook Stan... Oh! Oh, deary me!

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Nearly went over the top. I'll tend to that later.

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I'm Storybook Stan and you must be the bookworms.

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Welcome to Story Corner. Now we've got a real treat.

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I'm laughing already

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because today I'm going to read you a very funny story.

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It's one of my favourites.

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Now this book's particularly funny because even I know what's coming.

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The beginning's very funny.

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Oh, sorry, sorry!

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I... All right, now calm down, Stan.

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Right, here we go. Once upon a time...

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HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

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Nearly spilled my tea!

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I can't read...

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HE CONTINUES LAUGHING

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I fell off the chair!

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Wait. Hang on a minute. Have we run out of time?

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Oh!

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Oh!

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BUTTERFLY WHISTLES

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DRILLING NOISE

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BIRD CHIRPS

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BUTTERFLY SLURPS

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BUTTERFLY LAUGHS

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And now, Nana Knickerbocker in today's panto, Cinderella.

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Oh, everybody loves Nana Knickerbocker...

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Oh, ho-ho-ho! I am here. Nana Knickerbocker has arrived.

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APPLAUSE

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Ready to dance with Prince Charming. Where is he?

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Is this it? Honestly.

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Where are the canapes and...?

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Oh, really? Oh! These biscuits are dry, aren't they?

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-I've been to better balls than this.

-I thought it was a coffee morning.

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Oh, really? Oh, hello, you two.

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Well, I see you haven't quite come in your best frocks, have you?

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Honestly! Where's Prince Charming and Cinderella?

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They should have been here ages ago. Have you seen the time?

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Look... Oh, dear. It's nearly midnight.

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We all know what happens when the clock strikes 12.

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Is it anything to do with biscuits?

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No! Cinderella, she's got to be at home, hasn't she? By midnight.

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Oh, where is she? I mean... Oh! It's Cinderella at last.

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Where have you been?! It's nearly 12 o'clock.

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-Do you know what that means?

-Oh, is it time for lunch?

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What? I do the jokes. No!

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It means we've got to get you home before your ugly sisters arrive.

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Come on, you! Let's go! Oh, I say!

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I gave them the boot. COMEDY DRUM ROLL

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That's comedy gold. Ooh! What is this I see?

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Ooh, it's a shoe. Ooh!

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And whomever the shoes fits shall marry the handsome prince.

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Come on, Cinderella. That's it. Sit down.

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It's the last scene. It's the big ending. There we are.

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Give me your foot. There we go. Right, here we go. There.

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SHE GRUNTS

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Oh, it fits. It fits!

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You shall marry the prince.

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Ooh! Here he comes now!

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-That's Ray, the caretaker.

-Come on, Cinders, go to him.

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Oh, I love a good wedding.

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That's it. Well, hold hands. Hold hands.

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Yes, there we are.

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And they lived happily ever after.

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Take a bow. Take a bow.

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Thank you. APPLAUSE

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Tough crowd.

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz, we've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz, ho, ho, ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz, and now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle, it's time to go Cheerio, ta-ta, bye-bye

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# Farewell, TTFN

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# We all hate to say goodbye But we'll be back again

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# Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, Gigglebiz

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# Nah, nah, nah, nah, ho, ho, ho

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# Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, Gigglebiz

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# Nah, nah, nah, it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz, we've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz, ho, ho, ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz, and now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle, it's time to go

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# Ho-ho. #

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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Know-it-all antiques 'expert' Ann Teak examines a valuable piggy bank, gardener Will Barrow has problems with a thirsty butterfly, newsreader Arthur Sleep tells some more groan-inducing jokes and fitness guru Keith Fitt demonstrates how to do press-ups. Prehistoric cave dwellers Ug and Ig play a game with some dice made out of rock, lovable old storyteller Storybook Stan tries to tell a funny story but ends up laughing too much and pantomime dame Nana Knickerbocker mistakes a coffee morning for the panto Cinderella.

The show also features the Gigglekids - children from all around the country telling their favourite jokes, and Justin joins children onscreen for the best knock knock jokes. Finally, there's some silly dancing fun in silly time!


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