Episode 23 Gigglebiz


Episode 23

Comedy sketch show for younger viewers. Intrepid location reporter Gail Force reports from a football match and zany scientist Professor Muddles experiments with a jumping banana.


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Transcript


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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Here we go! #

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Ho-ho!

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Coming up on Gigglebiz...

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Gail Force.

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Professor Muddles.

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DIY Dan.

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Will Singalot.

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And here's Nana Knickerbocker.

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And now, today's panto, Snow White And The Seven Dwarves.

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Everyone, cha-la-la-la!

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Oh-ho, gets them every time.

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What a beautiful morning here in panto land.

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I wonder who I'm going to see today...

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Oh, I say! Look who it is. It's Snow White.

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APPLAUSE

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And she's with her dwarves. One, two, three, four,

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five, six, se... oh,

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there's only six!

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We must be on a budget this year!

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DRUM BANGS

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Oh, so lovely to see you, my dear. I see you're out on a picnic.

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Yes, enjoying the sunshine after a hard day, you know,

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-cleaning the cottage and mining for diamonds.

-Sorry?

-Yes, yes.

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Hello, dwarves!

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-ALL:

-Hello.

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Oh, dear, tough crowd! Nana can't hear you! I said - "Hello, dwarves!"

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Hello.

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-Oh-ho-ho!

-Sorry, can I help you?

-What?

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I'm Nana Knickerbocker, you know, famous panto dame!

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You must have heard of me?! Yes, I lead the audience through a riot

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of fun and frolics. Not my words, Basingstoke Chronicle, 1994.

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Oh, it's nice to meet you, erm, I'm Miss Henderson and we're

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on a school outing. I think the children are getting

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-a bit hungry.

-I don't remember that in the storyline!

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Whoa! You can't eat that! Oh.

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Oh, apples are very nutritious. We always encourage the children

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-to eat lots of fruit.

-What?! This is a poisoned apple!

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Everyone knows that, cor! I don't know.

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I'm sure the Wicked Queen is hiding in the woods,

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-somewhere, ho-ho.

-My mum gave it to me.

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Your mum?! Oh, right. Well, yes, you can trust your mum!

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But we don't trust the Wicked Queen, do we, everyone?!

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Oh, dearie me, I'm carrying this. Let me hear you say, "Boo!"

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-ALL:

-Boo.

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Right, come on, everyone. Let's do the big finish, the finale.

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Let's have a sing-along! Come on, up you get.

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# If you're happy and you know it clap your hands

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# If you're happy and you know it clap your hands #

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Hey-hey-hey! Right, take a bow! Oh, yes.

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APPLAUSE

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Yes, I do like a happy ending.

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Don't eat that apple.

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Doreen!

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Whoa!

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CLATTER AND CRASH

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Oh, dearie me!

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I'm Arthur Sleep and

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don't try that at home! Doreen, I think we need a new chair.

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Got nothing to sit on.

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And that's the news! He-he.

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-Hi.

-Hi!

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-Knock knock.

-Who's there?

-Noble.

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Noble who?

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No bell, so that's why I knocked.

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LAUGHTER

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-Bye!

-Bye!

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And now over to Gail Force. Gail, where are you?

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Hello, there, Gail Force reporting at a very exciting football match.

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Now, I'm here today with legendary goalkeeper and keen painter,

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-Gary Glover. Hello, Gary!

-I'm right.

-Hello.

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Gary, how long have you been a painter?

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I can't really speak at the moment, in the middle

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-of a game.

-Right. Are we talking five years, ten years?

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-What?

-How long have you been... Oh, goal! Goal!

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WHISTLE BLOWS Ow-ow-ow!

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Oh, unlucky, Gary. You let that one in, never mind.

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You might save the next one. Gary, can we see your favourite painting,

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-please?

-I don't have it on me. I'm playing football.

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-Well, hang on a minute, I may be able to help you.

-Man on!

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What? Gary! Gary, look, I've got your favourite painting.

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There you go. Now, talk us through it. Who's this here?

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-It's my mum!

-Oh!

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Anyway, when you... Oh, Gary!

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SHE GRUNTS

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WHISTLE BLOWS

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Oh, there's the final whistle. You lost by a goal.

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Er, this is Gail Force, back to the studio. Smile, Gary.

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Now it's time for your giggles!

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-Why do bees have sticky hair?

-I don't know.

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Because they use honey combs!

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, hello there. I'm Professor Wriggles...

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I mean, Biggles.

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I mean, Muddles. Ha-ha. Now, one thing that really buzzles...

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I mean, muzzles, I mean, puzzles me is...

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HE CLEARS THROAT

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How do we make a banana jump? Huh? Well, some people say

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if you put a bowl of flute...

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I mean, toot...

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I mean, fruit, here next to the banana the fruit will start

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missing the banana so the banana will jump back in to the bowl.

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Shall we see if it works?

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HE CLEARS THROAT

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Hey up! Allie up!

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Oh, dear. I think this banana isn't peeling very well.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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No, only joking. "So, Professor Muddles..." I hear you cry,

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"What is the answer?" All you have to do is...take that out the way...

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is strap a banana around your tummy. There we are. Like so. There.

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Ha-ha-ha! Then you have to find the nearest dodo chick...

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I mean, slogo quick... I mean, pogo stick.

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Er, ha-ha, there we are. That was convenient. Ha-ha. Like this.

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Now, all we do is climb aboard and then leap about. Easy.

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Here we go. Now, the banana is really jumping.

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BOING

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I say, I say...

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SHRIEKING AND CLATTERING

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Oh, dear! Don't worry, I'm perfectly fine. Which is more than

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I can say for my pogo stick.

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So, what have we learnt about this experiment in making a banana jump?

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Hmm, well, er, ha-ha...

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Don't pogo stick indoors. Ha-ha. It's very, very messy

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and quite silly! I'm Professor Wriggles...

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I mean, Biggles...

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I mean, Muddles. Goodbyeee!

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Oh, dear, I've lost the banana! Oh!

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BOING

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It's silly time!

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SILLY MUSIC

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Howay, bairns. Keith Fit here and today I'm going to show you

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how to be a sprinter. OK. Now, a sprinter is a fast runner,

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to you and me. Ho-ho!

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Now, these days, the art of running is like a science.

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You need all the right kit and here it is...

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I've got...this... and then I've...

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Well... There's this tube here... I don't...

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There's water in there...

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Anyway, I'm going to be running against me mate here, Paula.

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-It's Polly.

-Polly. Who I've been teaching athletics to for

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-over 20 year.

-I'm only 18.

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Right, let's start the race, shall we?

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OK, ready, Paula? Don't worry, love. I'll go easy! Here we go.

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All right. Now, just wait for the starting whistle, here we go.

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WHISTLE BLOWS

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What? Hang on a minute! Wait! I wasn't ready...

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I just... Wait!

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HE PANTS

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-Slow down, Paula!

-It's Polly!

-Time for a quick drink.

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EMPTY SLURPING

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Whoa, man. Looking good!

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Almost there! The last few yards are always the hardest. Oh! Oh!

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New record. Woo! I'm exhausted. Sadly, Paula would have

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probably given up going on cos it's a big run and I'm a

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finely-tuned athlete. I mean...

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Whoa, man. She's over there. Beginner's luck.

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I'll give her some more tips later on. Well, I'm...

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that's one...

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..and that's how you run.

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Champion.

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CRASH

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DOOR LOCK RATTLES

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Nowadays, lots of furniture comes in pieces in a box.

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This is called flat-pack furniture.

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As a DIY expert it's important to be able to put this

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flat-pack furniture together.

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Today, we're going to put together a chair.

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Take care, there will be lots of different pieces inside.

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Also in the box should be a set of instructions. It's important

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to follow these instructions carefully even though they may

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look complicated.

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Next, find the little plastic bag with all the screws,

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nails and bolts.

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Take care not to lose any of these screws, nails or bolts.

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You will need them all.

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And now, following the instructions, put together your chair.

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If you're having problems just try to keep calm.

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Finally, your chair should be finished.

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CRASH AND CLATTER

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Job done.

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# I am good Robin's minstrel and I always sing a song

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# I try to put good Robin right but he always gets it wrong. #

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Do you mind?

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Minstrel, today's the day of the Sherwood Forest Archery Competition

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and the winner gets a kiss with the lovely Maid Marion.

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So, don't put me off by singing. Got that?

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# Go-o-ot that. #

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# Robin says he's very good at shooting with his bow... #

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I am.

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# Actually he's rubbish though we never tell him so... #

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Hey!

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# He thinks he's great but he can't shoot straight

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# Though we never tell him so. #

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-Is that true?

-No, no. Indeed not, fair Marion.

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Go away, you're putting me off. And besides, that song is terrible.

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Unlike me. I am quite brilliant.

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# Robin Hood is brilliant but he doesn't like our song

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# He's bound to make a mess of things, he always gets it wrong

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# He's bound to make a mess of things, he always gets it wrong. #

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Stop singing!

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# The arrow set, the target waits there isn't any sound... #

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Shush!

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# But Robin's arrow's looking odd it's the wrong way round! #

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What? Ouch!

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Go away!

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# Good luck, brave Robin

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# Good luck, brave Robin

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# Good luck, brave Robin

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# Go-o-o-od lu-u-u-uck! #

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BOING

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That was rubbish. No kisses for you. I'm a better shot than that.

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No, Marion, come back!

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# The archery is at an end and so is our fine song

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# But Robin made a mess of things he always gets it wrong

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# But Robin made a mess of things

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# He always gets it wr-o-o-ong. #

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That minstrel's got to go.

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go!

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# Cheerio, ta-ta Bye-bye

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# Farwell, TTFN

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# We all hate to say goodbye

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# But we'll be back again

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na It's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go! #

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Ho-ho!

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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Pantomime dame Nana Knickerbocker thinks she's in the panto Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, newsreader Arthur Sleep has some fun with his studio chair, and Will Singalot annoys Robin Hood with his singing when he tries to impress Maid Marion with his archery skills. Plus intrepid location reporter Gail Force reports from a football match, zany scientist Professor Muddles experiments with a jumping banana, Keith Fitt demonstrates how to be a sprinter, while incompetent DIY enthusiast DIY Dan tries to put together some flat-pack furniture.

The show also features the Gigglekids - children from all around the country telling their favourite jokes, and Justin joins children onscreen for the best knock knock jokes. Finally there's some silly dancing fun in silly time!


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