Episode 11 Gigglebiz

# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

# Na-na na-na Here we go! #

Ho-ho!

Coming up on Gigglebiz.

Enrico Paso Doble, Nana Knickerbocker, Will Singalot.

But first it's Professor Muddles.

Here comes Daddy with a fishy little treat. There we are.

MEOW! No?

All right, I'll pop it down there for later.

Hello, there. I'm a cuddly cat and this is Professor Muddles.

Oh, wait, that's not right.

I'm Professor Cuddles and this is a muddly cat. Oh, wait!

I'm Professor Muddles and this is a cuddly cat. Ha-ha!

Got there in the end. Come along, you.

Now, this is Schrodinger, my lovely pet cat and he's here to help me

answer a very important scientific question.

How do you make your pet cat laugh?

First, let's have a look at the list, shall we?

Ah, yes, we have silly faces. Brace yourself, Schrodinger.

Pure comedy gold coming at you. Ooh-ooh! Here we go.

MEOW!

MEOW! No?

I'll try the big one.

HONK! MEOW!

Oh, Schrodinger. Oh, well, that's a big cross, isn't it? Never mind.

Right, let's see what's next on the list.

Ah, yes, of course, silly dancing. Oh, never fails. Right, here we go.

MUSIC PLAYS

TURNS MUSIC OFF

Oh, I don't know. Not even a giggle. Quite remarkable.

Another big cross, no. Right, let's see what's next, shall we? A-ha!

Of course.

Ta-da! The king of comedy, a custard pie.

Now, simply take one custard pie and one face, yours truly,

and combine at speed.

Are you ready for this, Schrodinger? Here we go.

I don't believe it. Nothing. All right, how about two custard pies?

Are you ready? Here we go.

Anything? No. Oh, really? Is it going to take three custard pies?

I mean, honestly, throw me a bone here.

Hang on a minute, where has that cat gone?

Oh, look, he's over there asleep in his basket, would you believe it?

So, what have we learned today?

You might not be able to make a cat laugh

but you can certainly make him,

erm, snore.

Right, time for a nice, long bath, I see. Goodbye.

Ah-ee! SPLAT!

Oh, dear. I think I'm going to get a dog.

MEOW!

FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYS

INAUDIBLE

INAUDIBLE

INAUDIBLE

Oh, that's better. And now Keith Fitt for the sport.

Howay, bairns? Keith Fitt here.

Welcome to Keith Fitt It's A Record, Man!

OK, now, I'm going to

break the world record today for the three-legged race.

Come on, let's go and meet the judges.

OK, here they are. All right, man? OK.

Now, I've only been doing three-legged races

for over a week now

so I'm very... What am I talking about? Always joking around.

-Oh, champion.

-So, who are you racing with, Keith?

Er, what are you talking about, man?

You need a partner for a three-legged race.

Oh, aye, you're right.

Erm, will you be my partner?

Oh, come on, man. I want to break the record.

-All right.

-Oh, champion.

Come on, then. OK, off we go. Up to the start line.

Right, Keith, you have to finish this three-legged racecourse

as fast as you can and if you break the record, I'm going

-to give you this celebration cake.

-Oh, champion. I'm ready, man.

In three, two, one, go!

Go on. Go on, Keith. Eyes to the prize, Keith. Come on, my son.

-All the way. Come on, that's it, go on.

-Get the rhythm right.

Oh, champion. Did we break the record?

-No, Keith.

-Oh.

-Sorry, Keith.

-Champion!

And now it's time for your giggles.

-Why do giraffes have long necks?

-I don't know.

Because they have smelly feet.

# And eyes and ears and mouth and nose

# Heads, shoulders, knees and toes. #

Classic. Oh, hello, Dandini.

Wow, you've got some scrummy things to sell today, Nana.

Thank you, Dandini. We have the finest farm shop in panto land.

Oh, and here comes a customer.

Hello. Welcome to Nana's panto farm shop.

-Now, we've got apple tarts and custard pies and...

-Any trifle?

Trifle, of course we have trifle. Dandini!

-We always keep it under the counter because of You Know Who.

-Who?

Why, that naughty farm cat, of course. He just loves cream trifle.

So, if you see him, boys and girls,

-I want you to shout out as loud as you can, "Stop, puss!"

-Stop, puss?

-Yes, but much louder than that.

-Stop, puss!

-Oh, yes, that's perfect.

-Stop!

-Puss!

-All right, don't overegg your part.

-No, no, he's taken the trifle, look.

-What?

-Oh, no. Everyone, what's do we say?

-Stop, puss!

Oh, I mean, after him.

MOO!

MOO!

MOO!

Oh, come here, you. Oh. Oh, honestly. Right, give me that, honestly.

No, I'll have it. Oh!

-Where's it gone?

-Over here.

Oh, look, you've eaten it already.

-Would like anything else?

-How about a nice apple pie?

-Oh, yes, good idea.

Oh, I see you've got some cream to go with it already.

-Thank you.

-Oh, I do love a happy ending. Take a bow, everyone.

Thank you.

GIGGLING

It's silly time!

MUSIC PLAYS

# I am good Robin's minstrel and I always sing a song

# I try to put good Robin right but he always gets it wrong. #

Out of my way, minstrel.

Maid Marian is in trouble and I,

brave, brilliant Robin Hood must save her.

Stop, Marian.

Robin, I need to go that way.

But beware the slime-spitting frogs.

Slime-spitting frogs?

The point is the bog's full of 'em. During the day they are all asleep.

Listen.

SNORING RIBBIT!

So what's the problem?

If you wake the frogs, you'll be slimed

like you've never been slimed before.

But never fear, just follow me through the bog very quietly.

And no singing, got that?

# Got that. #

# Brave Robin knows there's danger snoozing in this swampy bog

# So we must keep our voices down

# Don't wake the slimy frogs

# The frogs, the frogs, the slimy frogs, don't wake the slimy frogs! #

Oi!

Quiet!

SNORING RIBBIT!

Thankfully, I think, they're all still sleep.

Follow me once more, fair maid.

And remember, watch where you put your big feet.

# Good job he's wearing dainty shoes and not a pair of clogs

# Cos if he made a clippity clop he'd wake the slimy frogs

-# Oh... #

-Shh!

# The frogs, the frogs, the slimy frogs

-# Don't wake the slimy frogs. #

-No!

# The frogs, the frogs, the slimy frogs, don't wake the slimy frogs. #

Quiet! Stop that, you silly men!

RIBBIT!

Er, Robin, what's that noise?

It's the slime-spitting frogs. They're awake.

So, who was going to get us across without being slimed?

Ah, now, technically I did get you across.

Surely that deserves a reward? Perhaps a little kiss?

-Ooh, frankly I'd rather kiss the frogs. I'm off.

-No!

# The frogs, the frogs, the slimy frogs, she'd rather kiss the frogs

# The frogs, the frogs, the slimy frogs

# She'd rather kiss the frogs. #

-Ribbit!

-That minstrel's got to go.

You've been watching Gigglebiz. Goodbye.

# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go!

# Cheerio, ta-ta, bye-bye

# Farwell, TTFN, arrivederci

# We all hate to say goodbye

# But we'll be back again

# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

# Na-na na It's time to go

# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go! #

Ho-ho!