Britner Family Gimme a Break

I'm Joe Swash, and this is Gimme A Break.

Now, if your family holidays trot along at the same old boring pace,

stop horsing around, get back in the saddle, because in this show,

you take the reigns. Yee-haw!

On Gimme A Break, it's the kids who decide where to go and what to do.

Parents don't get a look in,

especially when it comes to holiday rules.

Breaking the rules can only lead to one thing.

Trouble.

Today, I'm in Manchester, and the lucky family

who will be getting a break are the Britners.

Jake is ten and an aspiring news reader.

Sister Laila is seven and a budding fashion designer.

# You ain't nothing but a hound dog. #

Dad is karaoke king.

And mum is glamour queen.

I want to be in charge of the holiday because

Mum and Dad are always sunbathing.

We go for our holiday to Benidorm in Spain, and it's very nice,

but it's always the same every year.

I like to read the paper, listen to me MP3 player...

-Yeah.

-Plenty of karaoke at night.

We are the Von Trapps and you're Von Shut Your Trapp, aren't you?

Not to offend her, but it's terrible.

I don't care if I offend her!

-She even sings Valerie, like, "Valerie".

-Terrible!

Really, really terrible.

They stay there just texting and texting for hours.

I do text a lot, yeah.

Spitty tissue is say you have a mark on you after eating or something.

She gets a tissue out and puts a bit of spit on it

and then she wipes it off and it's ew!

I tend to dip it in tea now, I know it's not very hygienic, and do it.

I don't even like the words spitty tissue.

It takes her more than half an hour to get dressed.

Just loads of blusher and make-up.

She's got blusher there,

lipstick there, another line of lipstick there.

I wouldn't go out at night without make-up. I probably won't in the day!

I wouldn't go out at night if she hadn't put make-up on!

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go on an activities holiday.

I don't do heights, I don't particularly do water,

don't like boats, potholing.

Don't even mention wet suits.

She's not going to have any authority at all.

We'll have it all.

It's that time in the show

that strikes fear into parents' hearts across the country.

It is the Gimme A Break Parent Promise. Dun-dun-dun!

So mum and dad, please read it out loud with your hand on your hearts.

-Ready, guys?

-Yeah.

-You ready?

BOTH: We, the parents of Jake and Laila,

hereby hand over control of the next family break.

There we go, there we go! How do you feel? Give me five!

-Are you happy? Are you happy?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yes, we're happy now they've said that.

-Come on.

So if you had to pick a holiday for yourself, and you had to list off

the things you want to do on holiday, what would they be? Jake?

Stuff like sleeping on a boat, rock climbing...

-Something we'll never forget.

-Sounds wicked. What about you?

-Horse riding or something like that.

-You like animals and you like water.

What sort of weather?

Not too hot and not too cold.

-Just warm.

-Because remember, who's in charge?

-Us two!

-Who the boss?

-Us two!

-Right.

I think I've got enough to go on. I'm going to put it all together

and come up with a fantastic holiday for you both.

I've put together two action-packed holidays

for Jake and Laila to choose from.

I've designed a trail of cunningly complex clues for them to follow.

It could be something like a boat or something

because bottles do float in the river sometimes.

Gimme A Break treasure map.

The swords are probably to do with pirates.

Well, there was sand, so it meant that there was a seaside,

or something to do with seasides,

and there was swords, to do with pirates fighting.

I was a bit puzzled about the fence.

On the way to the next clue, Jake and Laila find some clothes to wear.

Right.

Sweetcorn. And some clothes.

And a clue.

I think we might be going on a pirate ship or something.

And the wall of corn is Cornwall, of course!

Jack and Laila cantered their way through the clues for break one,

and now it's time for this dynamic duo

to decipher the next set of clues.

Giddy up, you two!

"Boarding."

The stick things said "boarding" on them and it looked like something

to do with rowing a boat or something.

The stick things are paddles!

Put them together with the word boarding

and you've got paddle boarding.

Take a look.

Up there!

Shall we go and take a look?

I thought I was going to be sleeping in a place

which is surrounded by lots of bats and lots of birds

and I thought, "Yeah!"

So Jake, Laila, you had a look for some clues, didn't you?

We found these swords next to a fence on this pitch of sand.

What did you think that clue meant?

-I think it meant something to do with pirates.

-You nearly got it.

It has got to do with pirates. What do you do when you play with swords?

-You fence?

-Yeah.

-Fencing!

-Fencing!

-Fencing on the beach.

-Yeah.

-Do you want me to tell you what the first break is?

-Yes!

-Do you want me to tell you?

-Yes!

OK, well, Break Number 1 is a pirate survival holiday in Cornwall.

-Does that sound good?

-Yeah.

-Shall we have a look?

-Yeah.

Ooh-ar, me hearties.

Shiver me timbers. It's the Pirate Survival School in Cornwall.

You'll be fencing and rock climbing,

you'll spend the night on the high seas aboard this old ship,

you'll be surfing the waves pirate style,

and befriending a pirate's favourite chatty companion, the parrot.

-That looks really good.

-Brilliant.

It's got all the stuff that I want in it.

-Yeah? What about you, Laila?

-Yeah, because I said animals and all that.

-Are you ready to see Break Number 2?

-Yeah.

Tell me about the clues you found for it.

I found an owl because I looked with the binoculars

to find the owls and the bats.

The bat is because

you're going to go bat spotting in the middle of the night.

But you're going to have all the technology. How does that sound?

-That sounds really good.

-Really good.

-Does that sound good? Shall I tell you what this holiday is?

-Yeah.

This holiday is an animal adventure holiday in Suffolk.

-Shall we have a look?

-Yeah.

This animal adventure could drive mum and dad batty, but you two

will be having bags of fun on a night time walk

with these winged friends.

In the day, you'll meet more flying creatures at the owl sanctuary.

You'll be riding through the countryside on horseback

and getting close to the river's wildlife, paddle boarding.

-What do you think of that?

-That looks really good.

We don't know which one to choose.

OK, listen, I see a horsie out there.

I'll spend some time with my four-legged friend

-while you two make your mind up.

-OK.

There you go.

Good horsie. Whoo-hoo.

Break one. There was fencing on the beach

and staying in a pirate ship for the night. I love that.

Yeah. I do like the other one

because it's got all my favourite stuff in it like horse riding.

Whoa!

I'm a bit stuck on what to do

because there's loads of gadgets in break two.

I think the bats one and the horse riding one.

Neigh!

Hey, hey!

Have you come to a decision yet?

-Yeah.

-Right is it Break Number 1, or...

-Break number two.

-Number two? You picked already? Well done.

So you're going to be going on the Animal Adventure in Suffolk.

Before I go, there's one more thing I've got to tell you.

I'm going to be popping back during your break to tell you

how you can win a souvenir to take home with you, but...

if you don't answer the questions correctly,

-Mum and dad win the souvenir.

-No, they're not!

There's one more thing to do before we go.

What have we got to do?

-Book it.

-Book it. Ready?

So, it's an adventure of the animal variety for the Britner family,

but how will mum and dad cope with the great outdoors?

Oh, no, I don't like it!

And who will win the holiday souvenir?

Breaking news: Mum and Dad terrified as Britner family holiday packing

gets under way. This is the start of the humiliation holiday.

You look like Simon Cowell!

I've got some quite "silly shoes", as I call them.

These high heels, they hurt Mum, so that's why I put them in.

I did try and say, "Don't pack the purple ones, cos they hurt me,"

which probably means the purple ones are in there, thinking about it.

Howdy, partner!

-Now I'm just starting to think they'll stitch us up.

-Oh, yeah.

The fact he's christened it humiliation holiday

really should give me the clue.

The essential thing for a holiday is to have fun.

Because Dad has no hair, this might help him out a lot.

Yeah, it will!

I don't think they'll find anything embarrassing in my wardrobe.

I don't think I've got anything to worry about there.

Dad got this Indian outfit for Hallowe'en.

I don't think Mum and Dad will be happy with the packing we've done,

but you know what? We're in charge, so I don't really care.

Neither do I!

They're looking in the wardrobe!

Jake and Laila have been given FamCam to film the break,

and they're already putting it to good use.

Mum and dad are trying to work out what's been packed for the holidays,

and they aren't happy.

-Why haven't you packed any of this?

-Get out, Mum!

Taxi!

The time has come for Jake and Laila

to put mum and dad out of their misery

and tell them where they're going.

-An animal adventure? You've picked that, haven't you?

-Mm.

I've given the animal adventure seven, but that might go up.

I might come back and say ten.

Well, I think I give the animal adventure...

five out of ten. But that could go down yet.

It will be a short taxi ride

and a four-hour train journey for the family to Suffolk.

The Britners arrive at their accommodation for their break,

a swish country retreat. Even mum and dad must be happy with this.

-The kids have done really well.

-Beautiful.

But mum and dad might not be smiling in a minute,

when they see what Jake and Laila have packed for them.

-That's not mine!

-That's for you.

There's yours, Mum.

-Dad, put yours on now.

-How about that?

Does that look any better? What's this all about?

If I was giving them marks out of ten on the packing choices,

it'd be about minus 50.

I've got no complaints.

They've packed that much for me,

I'll have to get changed two or three times a day so I can wear it all!

Before the family get too comfy,

it's time to tame these wayward parents

and set down some holiday rules.

Hello, Britner family!

Hi, Joe!

Mum, Jake and Laila think you spend far too much time

beautifying yourself on holiday.

What have you got to say for yourself?

I think you don't spend enough time beautifying yourself.

He's so mean. He's so mean.

Rule number one applies to you, mum.

You only have five minutes in the morning to apply your make-up.

-Five minutes?

-To put your make-up on!

Dad, Jake and Laila think you spend far too much time texting

and listening to music. What have you got to say for yourself?

-It's all lies.

-So, dad, there'll be no more texting

or listening to the MP3 player on this holiday.

You've got no chance with no texting.

And if he comes across anywhere that does internet,

he can't do that either.

Excuse me, Mum...

Who's making the rules up here?

Right, mum, back to you.

Wiping Jake and Laila's face with a spitty tissue

sounds disgusting to me, and there's no excuse for it.

So Rule Number 3 is there'll be no more spitty tissue on this holiday.

If either of you break these rules, there will be major consequences.

Mum, you will be made to sing Valerie in public. No!

Dad, how does a bowl of your least favourite food of currants,

pineapple and celery sound?

Oh, no!

You'd actually be sick, wouldn't you?

That is harsh.

-There is no way I am being caught.

-We'll see about that, mum.

I'll be back later for a chance to win the final souvenir.

And remember, who's in charge?

We're in charge on this holiday!

There is just no way I can eat pineapple, celery or currants.

I can't even smell pineapple. That makes me feel sick.

Singing Valerie on my own in public is not going to happen.

It's been a long day for the Britner family, and they'll

need to get a good night's sleep, as they have a packed day ahead

of them tomorrow.

Today's the first day of activities for the family, and the kids are

in charge. But they won't be the only ones

holding the reins today, as this morning the family will be

horse riding, and Jake and Laila have a little surprise for dad.

We're all ready to go, but first, I want you to put this costume on.

You're joking!

On this break, there are two new sheriffs in town.

But what's this? Rebellion from the parent deputies?

Mum and dad, get used to it.

Jake and Laila are the bosses on this holiday,

and if you don't obey them, you'll be in for a 'mare of a time.

Once Jake and Laila rein in mum and dad, they all saddle up for a safety

briefing and training.

It will take more than just a spitty tissue to clean up that mess.

It's not long before the Britner

family are ready to hit the Gimme A Break trail.

Mine's making some seriously funny noises!

So far, it's been a leisurely saunter through the forest,

but now it's time to test the family with a bit of a trot.

Oh, no, I don't like it!

Ooh! I want to get off now.

OK, then, mum, off you pop.

Lean really forward and bring that leg right over, love.

Just let me hang on a minute. I need the blood

to come back to me backside!

We'll just have to stay like this.

Mark, just lift me off now. The horse has had enough.

OK, we'll see you later, then. Let's leave your mum to it.

Say bye to your mum.

-That was very uncomfortable, actually.

-Very uncomfortable?

-And did you hurt yourself?

-No!

Yes. I think if I do it again, I need to have some decent

underpants on next time.

After all that riding, the Britner family could eat a horse.

And with the kids in charge,

mum and dad are worried that that could well be on the menu.

Oh, I hope they're not going to give me the horse I rode today, cos I

got quite attached to it in the end!

Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was this mammoth yeast

feast, the Leaning Tower of Pizza.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-Now take your blindfolds off.

-It's a tower of pizza.

-Wow!

-We choose what you eat.

-OK...

First floor, hot and spicy.

Second floor, sweet and sour.

Third floor, meaty madness.

Fourth floor, ham-tastic.

Fifth floor, vegetable delight.

Penthouse, bananas and cream.

Let's eat! Bon appetit!

Can I take the slop off this one?

-No! You've got to eat the slop.

-You know what?

-I don't think I'm ever going to eat pizza again.

-There you are.

Jake, you're in dire need of spitty tissue.

It doesn't count if I use water. It's not spitty.

-That isn't spitty.

-Get it off!

There'll be a consequence for that rule break, mum.

Even me and Laila don't know what the pudding is. I'll read it out.

"An animal of a pudding." Maybe it's an animal.

Oh, let's see what this is!

One, two, three!

-Doughnuts!

-Wow, look at that!

-Wah-hey!

-Are you ready?

LAUGHTER

It's up at the crack of sparrows for Day Two's activity, falconry.

Right, I'm going to introduce you to a couple of our owls.

-This is Bea.

-I thought they only came out at the night-time, owls.

Most owls are crepuscular, and that means they're

-dawn and dusk hunters.

-Right.

Right, this is Barley, and Barley is a Malaysian wood owl.

-He keeps on blinking!

-Do you know what that thing going over is?

-No.

A third eyelid. When a bird of prey goes to catch its prey, the third

eyelid covers the eye to protect the eye from getting scratched.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

Arm out.

-There we go. Fantastic. Was that all right?

-Yeah!

-Stand still. Here we go.

-That's it.

-Lift your hand up slightly.

-Let him eat the food.

-There you go. OK?

Fantastic huge wings, haven't they?

Oh, yeah, hello, bird.

Oh, all right! A big, loud noise.

Go on over there.

There we go.

It's time for food and it started to rain,

but because the kids are in charge, no one has to walk.

There are two modes of transport at their disposal and Jake and Laila

have to pick their favourite.

Let's see what this says.

So, will Jake and Laila pick

the big bouncy Space Hoppers or the shiny sleek scooters?

The choice is theirs.

Right, you're doing Hoppers.

You're doing the Space Hoppers and we'll use the scooters. Go!

Mum, get back on!

I'm not cheating.

-I won!

-I'm second.

Thanks to the rain, there is no picnic in the park for the Britners

but it's still fun, as they move the meal indoors.

I think this is the least we deserve after before.

I do.

It's day three and the family

are getting ready for this morning's activity, with

mum rushing to put her make-up on within the allocated five minutes.

29, 28...

I've got one minute of my time left for later on.

Right, what are we doing today in this beautiful weather?

Paddle boarding!

Yay!

-What's paddle boarding?

-What's paddle boarding?

It's is a type of surfing. The family will stand on

surf boards using the paddle to make their way up the river.

-There's your wet suit.

-Are they the same size?

Quick, run!

Mum makes a bid for freedom.

I'm going. I'm going to take my chances.

But there's no escape when the kids are in charge.

After training and the safety brief, it's time to take to the water.

-You all right there?

-Yeah, I think I'll be fine.

You can paddle round on your knees just to get used to it.

Keep paddling, keep paddling.

Bye, Jake, we're going back to the hotel.

There you go. That's it.

Jake and Laila have taken to paddle boarding like ducks to water.

Let's see how mum and dad do.

Have I got my oar the right way?

Bet mum's glad of the wet suit now.

I wonder if dad will do better?

No, he's even worse than mum.

That's it, Jake and Laila, show them how it's done.

I'm going for a tree. Help!

Ha, loving it.

There goes dad again and again and again.

Mark, I knew I'd get to sunbathe at some point.

Did you enjoy the paddle boarding?

Best thing I've ever done.

-Really?

-Yeah, I think so.

-Other than when he married your mum.

No, it's the best thing I've ever done.

-Mum, did you enjoy the paddle boarding?

-I did, actually.

Mum! Mum's putting make-up on!

Mum has broken the rules more than once on this break and for that

there is a consequence.

Right, so you've broken the rules so enjoy singing to the public.

And I think you'll need these.

Feel free to put your hands over your ears now.

# Since I've come on home, well, my body's been a mess

# And I miss your ginger hair and the way you like to dress

# Won't you come on over?

# Stop making a fool out of me

# Why don't you come on over, Valerie? #

Oh, do you know what, that was brilliant. I was so good.

-Oh, was it?

-I'm going to get signed up.

-You were so bad!

-Britain's Got Talent. I'm going to get signed up.

Oh, you were so bad!

It's the final night and it's the last activity for

the family as they bravely venture out on a spooky bat walk.

How do we hear the bats?

OK, well we are going to be using a bat detector, which will listen

for the bats on ultrasound, which is sound that we can't hear.

We'll be able to hear the sound through the special speakers.

Any vampire bats?

No, not in England. Just two or three species in South America only.

So now they know there will be no vampire bats lurking in

-the woods, the Britners go to see what they can spot.

-Can you hear?

-That clicking, is that a bat?

-That's a bat, a pipistrelle.

-It's loud.

-A bit too loud.

If you look up you may glimpse them as they dart between the trees.

There!

-There!

-Directly overhead, yes.

You know what to get me for Christmas now, seriously.

I'll have a bat detector.

As mum plans her Christmas present

list, the family head back for their last sleep of the break.

Goodbye to Mum and Dad's bedroom.

The animal adventure is nearly over.

There's just time to win one last treat.

Jake and Laila have a chance to win a personalised front page of

the Gimme A Break Gazette.

They need to win this quiz, otherwise mum and dad will

get their own version.

Listen very carefully.

I'll ask you three questions.

If you get two right, you win the souvenir newspaper.

If not, mum and dad get it.

OK, here goes, question number one.

What did mum say was her most humiliating moment?

Was it, getting off the horse?

Or was it, falling in the water?

I think getting off the horse.

Well, falling in the water's humiliating but she took

about five minutes to get off the horse.

-So I'm going for...

-For the horse.

You're saying getting off the horse?

Here's what mum said.

My most humiliating moment was getting off the horse.

Yay!

Well done, guys. Get the next one right and that

fabulous treat is yours.

Question number two. What did dad say was more painful?

Was it trotting on the horse?

Or was it listening to mum singing?

Well, mum's singing was ear-piercing and was a consequence

for everyone else. But dad really hurt himself and couldn't walk

the day after with the trotting.

Yeah, shall we go for trotting?

Yeah, let's go for A.

So, you're saying that trotting on the horse? Here's what dad said.

-The most painful moment was trotting on the horse.

-Yes!

Yes!

Well done, Jake and Laila, you've won the holiday souvenir.

The Gimme A Break Gazette.

Well done, well done.

Definitely, definitely made the right decision about the animal

-adventure.

-It's been fun for all four of us and there's been lots of

fun-packed activities.

I've enjoyed the animal adventure.

A totally different holiday from what we usually go on.

It's just been fantastic.