Millie & Jeremy Hacker Time


Millie & Jeremy

Fun, chat and music from Hacker T Dog, featuring Millie Inbetween actors Millie Innes and Jeremy Edwards.


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Transcript


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Hacker Time was voted Britain's eighth best dog-based chat show...

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by Hacker.

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MUSIC: Spanish Flea by Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass

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Ho-ho! Ho-ho!

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Ho-ho!

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Ho-ho! Ho-ho!

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Ah! Ah! Ah!

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Ah! Ah! Ah!

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Ho! Ha! Ah! Eee!

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Families come in all shapes and sizes.

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And we're one big happy family on Hacker Time.

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Will you shut up with that muesli, Lolly?

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I'm trying to present on the telly!

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MUSIC COMES TO A HALT

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Herman, stop that incessant buttering and give me my toast!

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Yes, Mr Hacker!

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-Now, who's got that toothbrush?

-Er...

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..that I was using to clean the lav-lav?

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TOILET FLUSHING

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Would you like me to stop as well, Hacker?

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No, Derek, I find your irritating ho-ho's strangely soothing.

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Ho-ho!

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# You gotta watch this!

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# You gotta watch this!

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# You gotta watch this!

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# My, my, my, my programme hits you

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# So hard, makes me say, "Oh, my word"

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# Thank you for watching me

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# It's telly, but not what you normally see

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# It feels good, there's out-takes too

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# Comedy, guests and clips, it's true

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# So sit back, don't move too much

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# This is the show, ha! You can't touch

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-# Stop!

-Hacker time! #

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Thank you.

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Stand by, everyone. We're on air in 5...

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4, 3,

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2, 1...

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Cue Larry!

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's the hound about town, your friend

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and sometimes mine - Hacker T Dog!

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You all right, cockers?

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Today's show is all about family.

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And if there's one thing I love the most, it's the people

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around me. Yes, family is really important to me.

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Hello, son!

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Get out! You're so unimportant to me!

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OK, darling! Love you, bye!

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Love you, Mum, bye.

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What a brute!

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I don't know how anyone could be like that to their mother.

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-Derek!

-Oh, Mother, what are you doing here?!

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I just want to say that you're not that important to me either.

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-Bye, Son!

-See you, Mother.

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Now, arriving any minute we've a couple of guests who know

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all about family life.

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Hi. I'm Millie from Millie Inbetween.

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And I'm Jeremy from Millie Inbetween.

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And we're here to film Millie Inbetween.

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And I'm Wilf. And I'm not in-between anything. Ha!

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-Just step into the booth, go on.

-What?

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Into the booth, you two, we need a new photograph for your ID.

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In the booth, shut the curtains!

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Doors!

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Ah!

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ALARM SOUNDS

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-What?!

-Down! Heh!

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-What's going on?!

-Let me out!

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THEY PROTEST

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-Oh, come on.

-HE WHISTLES

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Please welcome today's superstar celebrities,

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it's Millie and Jeremy from Millie Inbetween!

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BOTH: Argh!

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Welcome to Hacker Time, you two! Come on, cockers.

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No, no, we're not doing this.

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-No, sorry.

-I need you to help me with my family problems!

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You're good at all that family stuff, aren't you?

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-Family?

-Yeah.

-Of course.

-Belting! Herman! Come here!

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Now, listen here, right, I've got this fantastic photo album here

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-filled with priceless family memories. Aw!

-Aw!

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-Do you like that?

-Yeah.

-Can you do me a quick favour?

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Tuck it in that machine for me, will ya? Go on, get it in the machine.

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All the way down, cockle.

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Ha-ha, great, that, innit!

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Derek, over to you.

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Hang on, that's my family photo album you're shredding!

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Treasured snaps of me with Mother!

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It's for the best, Son.

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-That floral print dress was unforgivable.

-Ho-ho.

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Millie and Jeremy appear on the hit BBC show Millie Inbetween.

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In the programme, Millie lives with her mum and sister

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as well as her mum's boyfriend Mike, played by our Jezza.

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The Inbetween family like nothing more than watching classic episodes

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of Hacker Time. Why aren't they laughing?

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Millie also played Maisy in Dani's House, where she learned to read

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her lines off the side of her nose.

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Meanwhile, Jeremy specialises in showing off his biceps

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-whilst trumping.

-PHRRT!

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And appearing on Holby City alongside

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a luxury skyscraper hamster cage.

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And that's all you need to know about Millie - and Jeremy!

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Ho-ho, heh-heh!

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How uncomplicated and traditional a family life you lot lead.

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Well, it's not really like that, Hacker.

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Ha! Larry, stick a bit of life into the proceedings before we all

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fall asleep, will you?

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Ha-ha! You'll wanna say tune because today's show is all about family.

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Coming up, Hacker has a bad dream...

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A menace with a giant egg-shaped, erm...nostril was running amok

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in a local lawnmower shop.

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..Millie meets her owner's fam...

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..and Miss Marbles is a little off-key.

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All this and more on Hacker Time!

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Now, first things first, are you all right there, Millie?

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-I'm OK, thanks, Hacker.

-Good.

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Because you're not in-between anybody. Are you all right,

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-are you really all right?

-Yeah, I'm OK, I don't have to be

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-in-between people all the time.

-Good. I'll move on.

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That's a pretty complicated set-up on Millie Inbetween, in't it?

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Tell me all about your family tree.

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There's Sharon and Millie and Lauren,

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and then Mike comes in and moves in with Sharon,

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but then of course, he brings in Craig because that's his son

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from before. So then they move in...

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All right, all right, all right, Jeremy.

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I didn't want your family history, did I?

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I need to say this to you.

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-I had a family tree once, too. But I chopped it down!

-Oh, that's a shame.

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..to make this family bread bin!

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Did somebody call?

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No, I said family breadbin, not Wilfred Breadbin.

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Oh... Are you my second cousin?

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He's not your second cousin, you fool!

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Your second cousin's a butter dish.

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-Oh!

-Get out of it, Wilf.

-I'm going!

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My mum also gave me a potted history of the T Dog dynasty.

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And here it is!

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HE STRUGGLES

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It wouldn't fit in the shredder, so I buried it.

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It's a potted history. You having that, Millie?

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It's a little joke. Potted history, plant pot - potted.

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Oh, I don't know why I bother.

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Millie, you're always falling out with your stepbrother Craig

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-in the show, aren't you?

-Yeah, he's not very nice.

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Oh, is he not?

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Herman recently fell out with his stepbrother.

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Oh, why can't we get along, O brother of mine?

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Because you just walk all over me!

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Huh!

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Bit of stairs chat there.

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Family values are important, in't they, Millie?

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Yeah, really important.

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Well, if family values are so important,

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how much would you value this at?

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No, that's sentimental value, Hacker.

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Is it? In that case, Herman, bring it in.

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And hurry up, will ya? Is that you squeaking or the thing?

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Right, Jeremy, you know what to do. Here we are.

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Shredded family values there. Lovely memories.

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-Millie, are you all right though?

-I promise I'm OK, Hacker.

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Because I can't help noticing you're still not between anything!

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Have you ever thought about being Millie In The Foreground?

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Or Millie Fractionally Off Centre?

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I really don't mind!

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Millie On The Edge Of Summat has a nice ring to it.

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It's OK, Hacker, I'm fine.

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Millicent Inbetwixt!

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I'll move on.

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Remember that time I made you run a midnight errand for me?

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-No.

-Run it, Derek!

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Here, Millie, watch this! I'm gonna trick that Mike into getting me

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some meat paste. Watch it!

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HE SCREAMS

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What is it? Are you OK?

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Oh, no, Sharon, me old love.

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I've had a terrible nightmare. I dreamt that a menace with a giant

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egg-shaped, erm...nostril was running amok in a local

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lawnmower shop.

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It was horrible! Maybe it would really help if Mike

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could go to the local retail outlet and buy me 45 cubic tonnes

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of meat paste! I think that would help me feel much, much better.

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Coming right up.

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Heh-heh. I can't believe how stupid that man is.

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Ha-ha! There really have been some rum old arguments round your gaff,

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haven't there, cockers?

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I bet you must sometimes think, "If those walls could talk,

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"I wonder what they'd say."

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No, I never wonder what the walls would say.

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Well, wonder no more, cocker, because exclusively to Hacker Time,

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it's the wall from the hallway in Millie's house!

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Hey, Wall, what's the juicy goss from Millie's house that we didn't

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see in the series?

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Oh, well, I'm not much of a talker really.

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I just keep myself to myself.

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Well, what was the point in bringing you here then?

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Oh, Derek! Derek!

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Hmm?

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Now, Millie, I just need to ask.

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Are you all right there? Because you're still not between anyone.

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Yes, Hacker, I'm fine.

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Don't worry. I've sorted your little location situation. Observe!

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Now you truly are Millie Inbetween again.

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I know how much it means to you.

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Oi, Skeleton Inbetween is not a real programme, now go away!

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Now, on Millie Inbetween there's a lot of sibling rivalry.

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But you know that older sisters are always stirring.

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-Did somebody say stair?

-No! Your joke was earlier, now go away!

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Talking of families, my mum recently took her husband back.

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As you can see.

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Hello, darling. I'd like to return this husband to the shop.

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Certainly, madam! What's the fault?

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-Er, he shrank in the wash. Can I exchange him for this espadrille?

-No.

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Now, Jeremy, you used to be a young star in the popular telly show

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-Hollyoaks, didn't you?

-Yeah.

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But would you ever return to the show as someone's grandad?

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-Not very nice, is it?

-Yeah! Yes, it is!

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Of course I would, Hacker!

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Millie, do you think children should be seen and not heard?

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Good answer, cocker.

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And finally, when you do that thing where you talk to the camera

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and nobody around you notices, what's all that about?

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Well, it's just like Millie explaining to the audience

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-what's going on.

-These people are so dull.

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Always going on about themselves.

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And what sort of a surname is Inbetween?

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Larry, help me out here, will you?

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Get your magnifying glasses at the ready!

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It's time for the Miss Marbles Mysteries.

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Hello. Who's this? I wonder who that is.

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Ho-ho!

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How do? You all right, yeah?

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Argh!

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There's a sign.

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Ho-ho!

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HE WHISTLES

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Constable Heywayne, what can I do for you?

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Well, I need your help, Miss Marbles.

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Somebody's been terrorising Narrowchapel.

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What have they done?

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Well, they started with some very rude vandalism.

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Aaaah...

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At the tea room, they swapped the rock cakes with real rocks.

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CRUNCHING

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Finally, they struck at the chemist's,

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by substituting the toothache pills.

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What with?

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Trump tablets. PHRRT!

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-Oh, it smells of rocks!

-Excuse me, I need to pay a visit, so I should.

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PHRRT!

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Ha! At least they haven't swapped the toilet roll for sandpaper.

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Ha-ha!

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SCRATCHING

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This is a case for Miss Marbles!

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I'll unpack it later. I've got a mystery to solve first. Nyaaa-ha-ha!

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-What did the culprit look like?

-Well, she was about three foot tall.

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Just like you.

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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She was wearing a tweed hat and blazer, just like you.

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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She was carrying a suitcase for no reason.

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Just like you!

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DRAMATIC MUSIC SHE SCREAMS

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And worst of all, she had a rancid, furry face. Just like you.

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SHE SCREAMS

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So, Miss Marbles. Who do you think did it?

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Well, using all the descriptions, I've made this sketch.

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I don't believe it.

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It's...

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It's...

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-It's...

-I know!

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Hideously ugly! Look at that face.

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It makes me want to physically retch. Ugh!

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No, Miss Marbles.

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DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS IN TEMPO

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It's you!

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-Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to accompany me.

-Very well!

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You sing it and I'll play it, cocker. La-la-la-la-la-la, hey!

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No, Miss Marbles. I mean for you to accompany me to the station.

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You're under arrest!

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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Agh! I didn't do anything!

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There must be someone identical to me who is purely evil!

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But no-one like that exists.

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Here, who's that?

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Oh, it's my purely evil identical twin.

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Good morning, Helena.

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HELENA GRUMBLES

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-Oh, well, that explains everything, so it does.

-Ta.

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Sorry, madam, but you're going to have to come with me.

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SHE SHRIEKS

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Huzzah! I knew I'd be proven innocent.

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Now to restock that toilet paper.

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SHE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

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SCRATCHING AND SCREAMING

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I can't watch any more of that.

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Hey, why don't we watch an epic cat fail video on YouBin?

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Oh, I love epic cat fails!

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-Well, this is the best one ever.

-Ho-ho!

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Mr Haddock, you've failed your driving test.

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Hey, if you think that's bad, wait till you see his other epic fails.

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In the next one, he epically fails his GCSEs.

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Then he epically fails his eye test!

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He even epically fails his cat exam.

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-He comes out as a pigeon!

-How's that even possible?

-I don't know, heh!

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What's a cat exam?

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Now, then. This show is all about families, as you know.

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And you've made us see

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that there's no such thing as a typical family, haven't you?

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Yep, we have.

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Well, if you thought your family was strange, have a little look at this!

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# Millie Inbetween really speaks to me

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# I've got family issues too!

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# Working with this team, it's like a bad dream

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# I'm surrounded by such fools!

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# Look at Derek, the worst producer

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# He is hopeless for sure

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# And there's Lolly, Wilfred and Herman

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-# They're all such bores!

-Oi!

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# I get what you mean, I have always been

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# Mortified to say the least

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# Office load of chumps, they're a dreadful bunch

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# Just like monkeys at a feast

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# I know you've got a teenage sister

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# Always winding you up

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# And that Craig never stops being cheeky

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# But listen up, because...

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# Your lot can't be as bad as my family! #

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And that's why families should be banned.

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Oh, hello, darling! Oh, what a lovely song!

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It was a song about how much I dislike my family.

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Oh, me too!

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I've got this dreadful son, he's so dull and boring!

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He's called Hacker, such a naughty boy!

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Larry, cut to something else, will you? While I deal with my mother.

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HE GROWLS

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Ha, I know all about families.

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I thought I had a twin brother for seven years before I realised

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it was just a mirror. Ha!

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Coming up, we ask...

0:17:250:17:27

are you eating enough greens?

0:17:270:17:29

Oh.

0:17:290:17:30

..is Jeremy a walrus?

0:17:300:17:32

And is this Hacker's worst nightmare?

0:17:320:17:35

Mother's here.

0:17:350:17:36

All this still to come on Hacker Time!

0:17:360:17:39

They say the good thing about family is that there's always someone

0:17:390:17:43

there to talk to, don't they?

0:17:430:17:45

-Yeah, it's quite nice.

-Well, I get sick of all this talking.

0:17:450:17:47

All that needless chatter. The pointless yakking.

0:17:470:17:50

Why can't people just learn to sit in silence?

0:17:500:17:53

HACKER CLUCKS

0:17:560:17:58

BELL RINGS

0:18:000:18:02

-Oh, is that the dinner bell?

-Sh!

0:18:020:18:05

I'm off. You two keep quiet while I'm away, will ya?

0:18:070:18:10

La-la-la-la-la...

0:18:100:18:12

Oh, I hope the dessert's got a coulis!

0:18:120:18:15

-Where's everyone gone?

-Sh!

0:18:170:18:19

Bad news, Mrs B.

0:18:230:18:25

We've got no bread, no sauce and no bread sauce.

0:18:250:18:29

Well, that's not too bad.

0:18:290:18:31

Also, we have no other ingredients of any kind whatsoever.

0:18:310:18:34

Apart from peas.

0:18:340:18:36

I clicked nine million instead of one on the online order form.

0:18:360:18:40

So, what are we going to do?

0:18:400:18:41

Don't worry, my love, I've got a plan.

0:18:410:18:44

-Oh, customer.

-Oh!

0:18:440:18:46

I'll have the spaghetti bolognese, please.

0:18:460:18:49

Certainly, madam, Mrs B. That's it.

0:18:490:18:51

Oh. Well, this doesn't look right.

0:18:510:18:54

Don't worry - it's just a new reci-pea.

0:18:540:18:57

I'll have the roast chicken instead, please.

0:18:570:18:59

With pleasure, sir.

0:18:590:19:01

Oh. Well, this is a touch on the green side.

0:19:010:19:03

You want your eyes checking!

0:19:030:19:05

There's nothing unusual about that plate, mister.

0:19:050:19:08

You want your eyes checking! I'm a woman!

0:19:080:19:11

Well, look, I've changed my mind.

0:19:110:19:13

I really fancy a lovely big bowl of peas.

0:19:130:19:18

I beg your pardon?

0:19:180:19:19

Peas are NOT on the menu, can't you read?

0:19:190:19:22

Yes, but it says...

0:19:220:19:23

-Oi! No reading.

-Oh, well, that's just not on.

0:19:230:19:28

Wilf, takings are through the roof.

0:19:280:19:32

We could get a new cooker with it,

0:19:320:19:34

or we could replace our butter dish.

0:19:340:19:37

But I've already bought us something with our new-found cash.

0:19:370:19:41

More peas!

0:19:410:19:43

Oh, Wilfred!

0:19:430:19:47

I'll fire up the peas. I mean van.

0:19:470:19:50

BELL RINGS

0:19:500:19:51

Pea, pea, peas.

0:19:510:19:53

HE BURPS

0:19:530:19:55

Oh - ha - excuse me.

0:19:550:19:57

Hacker Time is proud to present... The Jeremiah Rile Show.

0:19:570:20:01

APPLAUSE

0:20:010:20:03

Welcome to The Jeremiah Rile Show.

0:20:030:20:05

Today we've got a young lady who is being pushed over the edge

0:20:050:20:08

in many embarrassing ways.

0:20:080:20:10

Let's meet our first guest. Give a warm welcome to Millie, everyone.

0:20:100:20:14

APPLAUSE

0:20:140:20:15

Give her a nice big round of applause, yes. That's it.

0:20:150:20:17

Hi, Millie.

0:20:170:20:18

Now, my researchers tell me that your mum's boyfriend Mike is really

0:20:180:20:22

embarrassing, smells of basements and has a ghastly pullover.

0:20:220:20:26

You must be sick of it!

0:20:260:20:28

None of that is true. He's actually all right, you know.

0:20:280:20:30

You have to be completely honest with me.

0:20:300:20:32

Nobody is judging you here.

0:20:320:20:34

-HE BANGS GAVEL

-She's guilty!

0:20:340:20:36

Get out of here, you! Off you pop, go on.

0:20:360:20:39

Millie, do you deny that Mike smells of damp basements?

0:20:390:20:42

Yes! I think his personal hygiene's pretty good.

0:20:420:20:46

But he is embarrassing! Just look at this!

0:20:460:20:48

Yep, here he is dressing up as a walrus!

0:20:480:20:51

Oh, the shame he has brought upon the Inbetween family!

0:20:510:20:54

That's not a real photo.

0:20:540:20:55

All right. But you did say he's got a really hideous pullover!

0:20:550:20:59

He doesn't even own one!

0:20:590:21:00

Let's blow this wide open. Get Mike out here. Everybody, Mike.

0:21:000:21:04

BOOS

0:21:040:21:05

Oh, you're getting a lot of boos, Mike. Oh, they've got your cards,

0:21:050:21:08

-Mike, don't they, cocker?

-Hi, Jeremiah.

0:21:080:21:10

Sit down! Sit down! Sit down!

0:21:100:21:12

-I am sitting down.

-Don't interrupt me!

0:21:120:21:14

I didn't, but... sorry if I offended you.

0:21:140:21:16

Listen, sonny Jim.

0:21:160:21:17

There's only one name above the door to this show and it's mine, OK?

0:21:170:21:21

I can see you're going to be a handful.

0:21:210:21:23

Now are you going to apologise to her or not?

0:21:230:21:25

-What for?

-That dreadful basement-like smell that emits

0:21:250:21:29

-from your ways.

-That isn't me.

0:21:290:21:31

Well, do you deny that your embarrassing ways have driven

0:21:310:21:34

a wedge between you two? Do you deny that?!

0:21:340:21:36

Me and Mills get along pretty well, don't we, eh?

0:21:360:21:38

Yeah, he's not bad once you get past all the martial arts stuff.

0:21:380:21:41

-Waa!

-Will you two just calm down and listen?!

0:21:410:21:44

There's no way we're going to resolve this without help.

0:21:440:21:47

It's time to welcome the pullover.

0:21:470:21:49

APPLAUSE

0:21:490:21:51

Right, we need to get to the bottom of this. Tell me your secret.

0:21:530:21:57

-Why are you so angry?

-The truth is,

0:21:570:21:59

-I'm not really a pullover at all!

-GASPS

0:21:590:22:02

I'm actually a tank top.

0:22:020:22:05

THEY ALL GASP

0:22:050:22:08

It's you! I didn't recognise you in those sleeves!

0:22:080:22:11

-Oh, you were always my favourite.

-Oh, you're so embarrassing!

0:22:110:22:15

I'm leaving!

0:22:150:22:16

Whoa, don't go. Hey. No, don't.

0:22:160:22:19

There's an important lesson in there somewhere.

0:22:190:22:21

One last thing - the lie detector test.

0:22:210:22:24

Before the show, I asked myself, "Is it true that this sketch

0:22:240:22:26

"is going to be a load of feeble puns and garment-based humour?"

0:22:260:22:30

Well, I've got the results here.

0:22:300:22:32

And the answer is...

0:22:320:22:33

true.

0:22:330:22:34

APPLAUSE

0:22:340:22:36

Oh, you DO smell of damp basements.

0:22:360:22:38

It's time for school, but don't worry,

0:22:430:22:45

you won't be learning anything. Ha!

0:22:450:22:47

It's the Quarter Past Four O'Clock Club.

0:22:470:22:50

BELL RINGS

0:22:500:22:52

-It's parents' evening, Josh, are you excited?

-No, Dexter!

0:22:520:22:55

-I'm dreading it!

-Oh, don't be silly.

0:22:550:22:57

You've done some sterling work this term. Your mum will be ever so proud.

0:22:570:23:01

But don't you see? It's not my work that's the problem.

0:23:010:23:04

It's her!

0:23:040:23:05

# It's parents' evening at the school

0:23:060:23:10

-# Don't want my mum here

-Why?

0:23:100:23:12

-# She's totally not cool

-No way!

0:23:120:23:14

# You're being daft, Josh, have no fear

0:23:140:23:16

# Your mother's great, she's a nice old dear

0:23:160:23:18

# Just relax and have some fun

0:23:180:23:20

# She'll be proud of you, cos you're her son

0:23:200:23:22

# Dexter, don't you remember

0:23:220:23:24

# The PTA Christmas fair last December?

0:23:240:23:26

# She only went and ruined the prize tombola

0:23:260:23:28

# By filling it up with Gorgonzola

0:23:280:23:30

# Then she ran amok in Santa's grotto

0:23:300:23:32

# When she painted on the wall a naughty motto

0:23:320:23:34

# She terrified the actors in the school play

0:23:340:23:36

# I'd never seen a donkey run away

0:23:360:23:38

# The PE teacher was in a lot of pain

0:23:380:23:40

# Mr Gomez from languages moved to Spain

0:23:400:23:42

# Mrs Smith from biology lost her brain

0:23:420:23:44

# The poor headmaster got flushed down the drain

0:23:440:23:46

# The school caretaker was cleaning for weeks

0:23:460:23:48

# And that was just the lipstick on his cheeks

0:23:480:23:50

# Oh, Josh, I'm sorry, you're telling the truth

0:23:500:23:52

# We've got to stop her, she's on the loose!

0:23:520:23:55

# She's a terror like no other

0:23:550:23:58

# The out-of-control scary mother

0:23:580:24:02

# She's a nightmare, a total menace

0:24:020:24:06

# Oh, look, now she's chasing Mr Dennis! #

0:24:060:24:10

Erm, we don't have a teacher here called Mr Dennis.

0:24:100:24:13

I know, it just rhymed.

0:24:130:24:15

Hello, boys! Mother's here.

0:24:150:24:19

BELL RINGS

0:24:190:24:21

Ladies and gentlemen,

0:24:210:24:22

hold on to your hats as we come to the gripping climax of today's show,

0:24:220:24:27

the quiz that we like to call...

0:24:270:24:29

Sit on my lav-lav and answer some questions.

0:24:290:24:33

DRAMATIC MUSIC

0:24:330:24:35

TOILET FLUSHING

0:24:370:24:39

Mille and Jeremy, the rules of this game are bog-standard.

0:24:390:24:42

It's funny, that, innit?

0:24:420:24:43

All you have to do is...

0:24:430:24:45

DRAMATIC MUSIC

0:24:450:24:46

TOILET FLUSHING

0:24:480:24:51

..sit on my lav-lav and answer some questions.

0:24:510:24:53

-How does it feel to be sat upon my throne?

-Amazing, Hacker.

0:24:530:24:57

-Great, yeah.

-Belting.

0:24:570:24:58

The time will end when you hear this sound.

0:24:580:25:01

I could have gone to drama school!

0:25:010:25:04

-Are you ready?

-BOTH: Yeah.

0:25:040:25:07

In that case, start the clock!

0:25:070:25:10

In Millie Inbetween, which is a real character?

0:25:100:25:13

Is it Millie or Lauren?

0:25:130:25:15

-Erm...

-Millie, cos Millie's a real person.

0:25:150:25:17

-Whereas Lauren's just a character.

-No, I'm afraid the answer was yes.

0:25:170:25:20

Now, this is Wilf Breadbin here.

0:25:200:25:23

The question is, what's in my breadbin?

0:25:230:25:26

-Bread.

-No, I'm afraid not in that breadbin.

0:25:260:25:30

What's in Wilf Breadbin? Wilf, what's in you?

0:25:300:25:33

-Nothing, I'm running on empty!

-Then go away.

0:25:330:25:36

Next question. Millie, who is your mum's stepson's stepsister's

0:25:380:25:42

stepsister's brother's mum's partner's daughter?

0:25:420:25:46

Me.

0:25:480:25:50

Correct!

0:25:500:25:51

THEY CHEER

0:25:510:25:52

It is you. Very good. I notice you didn't get that.

0:25:520:25:56

-Complete the title of this CBBC show. The Next...

-Step.

0:25:560:26:01

I'm afraid it's not, it's the next episode of Millie Inbetween.

0:26:010:26:04

-Oh, OK.

-Of course!

0:26:040:26:05

Complete the title of this CBBC show. The Dog Ate My...

0:26:050:26:08

BOTH: Homework.

0:26:080:26:09

-No, it was The Dog Ate My Remote Control. Aw!

-OK.

0:26:090:26:13

Complete the title of this CBBC show. Help, My Supply Teacher Is...

0:26:130:26:17

-Magic.

-No, it was Help, My Supply Teacher Is Angry Because

0:26:170:26:21

I Was Late To Class After The Dog Ate My Remote Control.

0:26:210:26:24

I could have gone to drama school.

0:26:240:26:28

Time's up! That means you've won tonight's star prize.

0:26:280:26:30

-Yeah!

-A pair of gloves!

0:26:300:26:32

Both gloves for the right hand. Not a matching pair.

0:26:320:26:35

A pair of dirty, stinking gloves.

0:26:350:26:38

-What do you think about that, cocker?

-It...It's great.

0:26:380:26:40

Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I love gloves.

0:26:400:26:42

Well, it's your lucky day.

0:26:420:26:44

Because you've also won a holiday!

0:26:440:26:46

THEY CHEER

0:26:460:26:48

A day trip for one to the waste pipes underneath the studio.

0:26:480:26:52

Have you got any last words before you go?

0:26:520:26:54

Well, yeah... THEY BANG ON DOOR

0:26:540:26:56

Herman!

0:26:560:26:57

Flush them away!

0:26:570:26:59

FLUSHING

0:26:590:27:00

HERMAN CHUCKLES

0:27:000:27:02

Who were those people?

0:27:020:27:03

No matter, because before I nip off to the wholesalers,

0:27:030:27:06

here's a little ditty I wrote.

0:27:060:27:08

Sing along, why don't you!

0:27:080:27:10

# That is it for now, the end of the show

0:27:150:27:17

# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go

0:27:170:27:20

# I'll see you next time on this show of mine

0:27:200:27:22

# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time!

0:27:220:27:25

# It's been amazing, we've been larking around

0:27:250:27:27

# The whole programme cost just under a pound

0:27:270:27:29

# Watch again next time cos we've got much more

0:27:290:27:32

# There'll be tons of other funny stuff, it will be top drawer

0:27:320:27:34

# Jez and Millie got involved

0:27:340:27:36

# Told me tales of their family life

0:27:360:27:39

# They went on The Rile Show

0:27:390:27:41

# And a jumper appeared but lost his sleeves

0:27:410:27:43

# And Jezza admitted that Millie was right

0:27:430:27:44

# That is it for now, the end of the show

0:27:440:27:46

# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go

0:27:460:27:49

# I'll see you next time on this show of mine

0:27:490:27:51

# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time

0:27:510:27:53

# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time

0:27:530:27:56

# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! #

0:27:560:27:58

I'm not a pullover, I'm a tank top!

0:27:580:28:01

Fun, chat and music from Hacker T Dog. Featuring the drama series The Ms Marbles Mysteries, with Simon Lowe from 4 O'Clock Club as Constable Haywain. Kay Purcell plays Mrs Breadbin in the catering van sketch, and Ortis Deley takes up the role as Dexter in The Quarter Past 4 O'Clock Club.

This episode features Millie Inbetween actors Millie Innes and Jeremy Edwards.


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