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Hacker Time does not count as one of your five LOLs a day. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:06 | |
Wilf! Wilf, will you stop doing DIY? | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
It causes nothing but trouble. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
You don't know a wing nut from a pistachio nut. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:14 | |
Oh, but I've got this new book here. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:17 | |
It's written for people just like me. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:22 | |
But you're terrible at DIY. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
Look at the state of that chair you made. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
Oh! | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
If you're so good at home repairs, | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
what about that big "leak" under the sink? | 0:00:32 | 0:00:36 | |
I don't know how that got under there. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
For some reason, it's really wet though. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
I hope you haven't done anything else around the house, Wilf. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
Oh, well, I've installed a new shower. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
Well, at least that's useful. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
And to save on water, I've plumbed it directly into the toilet. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:54 | |
-Oh! So that explains the smell. -TOILET FLUSHES | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
It's disgusting. Oh, dear. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
You all right, cockers? | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
Oh, Hacker, I might have known it was you. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
Why did you take a shower? | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
Shower? Not I, me old cocksparrow. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:09 | |
This is my natural musk. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
# You gotta watch this... # | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
# You gotta watch this | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
# You gotta watch this | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
# My, my, my, my programme hits you so hard | 0:01:27 | 0:01:30 | |
# Makes me say Oh, my word! | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
# Thank you for watching me | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
# It's telly But not what you normally see | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
# It feels good And there's out-takes too | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
# Comedy, guests and clips It's true | 0:01:38 | 0:01:39 | |
# So sit back, don't move too much | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
# This is a show Ha! You can't touch | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
-# Stop! -Hacker time! # | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
Thank you. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
Stand by, everyone. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:49 | |
We are on air in five... | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
four... | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
three...two...one. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:57 | |
Cue Larry... | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
Stand by your bellies, everyone, | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
because we have incoming laughter | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
with Hacker D Dog. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
You all right there, cockers? | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Today's show is all about sport, | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
so I thought I would work up a reet old sweat. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:13 | |
HE SNIFFS | 0:02:13 | 0:02:14 | |
Oh, the humanity! | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
Eurgh! | 0:02:18 | 0:02:19 | |
Let's meet today's guest, who is a sporting superstar just like me. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:23 | |
On me head, son. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
Wahey! | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
15.6 points to me. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
Go, sport! | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
HE SINGS | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
Ah, lovely day for it. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
Hello, I'm Ellie Simmonds. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
I'm a swimmer and I'm here to film a very serious sports show. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
This way, my dear. We just need to get you an up-to-date pass | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
-so get in the booth. -Really? I've already got a pass. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
-One's never enough, love, is it? -OK, OK. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
-Get in there and shut the curtains. -OK, OK. -Shut them. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
Doors! Shut the doors. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
ALARM BLARES AND ELLIE SCREAMS | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
-Down! -HE CACKLES | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
-Oh, come on. -HE WHISTLES | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
Oh, no! SHE SCREAMS | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
Please welcome a superstar of the swimming world, | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
Paralympic gold medallist, | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
Ellie Simmonds! | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
Welcome, Ellie Simmonds, to my top-drawer, humble programme. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:21 | |
What is that smell? | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
That's me. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:24 | |
It's my sporty aroma. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
It shows that I'm serious about sport. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
I think I might have to leave. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:30 | |
Oh, oh! But if you stay, | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
I promise to have a shower. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
-OK, then. -A-ha! | 0:03:35 | 0:03:36 | |
The joke's on you because, as already discussed, | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
Wilf has plumbed the shower directly into the toilet. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
If anything, my odour will worsen, madam. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
Oh, no. I'm not looking forward to that smell. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
It's wretched, isn't it? | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
But you've no choice, cocker, | 0:03:48 | 0:03:49 | |
you're going to endure it. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
Derek, the fact file. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
Yes, Hacker. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
Eleanor May Simmonds is a British Paralympian swimmer. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
She's pretty quick, even when she forgets her goggles. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:02 | |
When she was just 13, she won two golds at the Beijing Paralympics - | 0:04:02 | 0:04:06 | |
and another two at London 2012. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
Here's her freestyle dance move - that's a bronze at best. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:12 | |
She also won Young Sports Personality Of The Year in 2008. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:17 | |
Her pop music career never took off. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
That traffic cone didn't like it. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
And that's all you need to know about Paralympian gold medallist | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
Ellie Simmonds. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:25 | |
Ooh, for someone so young, you've not achieved much, have you? | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
Thank you very much for that(!) | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
Very nice of you. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:33 | |
It's what I do. I mean, I'm six and I've got my own talk show. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Hashtag just saying. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
Larry, pump some air into this flat balloon of a show, will you? | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
Oh, it's reet on the wane. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a slam-dunking, | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
home-running, | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
hole-in-one-ing experience. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
Here's what's coming up... | 0:04:52 | 0:04:53 | |
More arms than you can shake a stick at, | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
Hacker tries his hand at snake charming | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
and has a very bad hair day. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
All this still to come on Hacker Time. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
Now, Ellie, every time I go to the pool, | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
they're so keen on the rules, aren't they? | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
No diving, no running... | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
Have you ever broken the rules? | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
No, not really. I think it's just you who's breaking all these rules. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:20 | |
No, it's not just me, you know, | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
cos Wilf once took a "leak" in the shallow end. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
Right, let's push off slowly from the side. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
Deep breath now, be brave. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
Oh! I'm doing it, Wilf, I'm doing it. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
Well done. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
Ellie, talk me through your swimming essentials. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
Oh, I need a costume, a towel, | 0:05:39 | 0:05:42 | |
I need swimming goggles | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
and I also need a swimming cap. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
Oh, wait, I had a swimming cap once too. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
-Did you? -Yeah, look. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
Cynthia, Cynthia... Come back. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
Oh, she's gone. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:55 | |
Oh, anyway... | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
Let's take a look at some pictures. | 0:05:57 | 0:05:58 | |
Remember that time that you and Rebecca Adlington | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
got photobombed by a ghetto blaster? | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
Oh, yeah, we were having a great dance then, though. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
-That was so much fun. -It looks like fun. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
Remember that time when you put a frog on your head | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
to be more at one with the aquatic environment? | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
-Oh, funny joke, that. -Thank you. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
I've got a serious question now - | 0:06:17 | 0:06:18 | |
when you first started swimming, | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
did you use a float? | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
Oh, yes, I did. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:23 | |
Me too. I started swimming with a milk float. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
I don't know how I drove it underwater, | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
but it was very dangerous | 0:06:28 | 0:06:29 | |
with that electric motor. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
Yes. Oh! Stop it, madam. Yes. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:33 | |
Ellie, have ye ever played water polo? | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
-No, I haven't. -Me neither, I know what you mean. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
It's reet hard to find a horse that will wear a snorkel. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
SHE GIGGLES | 0:06:42 | 0:06:43 | |
Now, you were the youngest ever recipient of an MBE - | 0:06:43 | 0:06:47 | |
and you also got an OBE. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:48 | |
What does that mean? | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
So, it's an honour from Her Majesty, the Queen. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:53 | |
Hmm. Well, I've got an OBOE... | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
An oboe. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
HE PLAYS OBOE | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
Well, that was easy. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
I don't know what all the fuss is about. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:06 | |
Ellie, what's your favourite stroke? | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
Is it butterfly? | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
No, my favourite stroke is... | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
front crawl. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:15 | |
Cos I like stroking butterflies. Look. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
Well, it's not really that. That doesn't... | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
Yeah, don't do any of that. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:20 | |
-You don't? -No. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:21 | |
All right, well, get out then. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
I also like backstroke. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
Herman! | 0:07:25 | 0:07:26 | |
Oh, oh, oh. Yes, Mr Hacker? | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
Stroke my back. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
-Oh... -Yeah? Yeah? | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
-Up a bit. -Yeah? | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
Left a bit. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
Oh, that'll do, Herman. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:39 | |
-I've got a show to do now. Be gone with you. -Oh. sorry. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
-And go and give that a quick rinse, will you? -Bye, Ellie. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
Now, Ellie, do you like cricket? | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
It's all right, yeah. It's OK. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
Only all right? Cos I really like cricket. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
I mean, I love cricket. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
Look, here's one now. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
Are you all right, my little cricket chum? | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
I call him Beefy Botham. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
All right, Beefy? | 0:07:59 | 0:08:00 | |
Give him a little stroke. He's nice. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
No! Don't touch him! No, not his face. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
Get out of it. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Off you go, Beefy. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:09 | |
Now, what do you think of armbands? | 0:08:09 | 0:08:12 | |
Oh, I think they are very good for when you start swimming. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
Well, I've got an armband... | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
And here they are! | 0:08:17 | 0:08:18 | |
# Oh, Cecilia | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
# I'm down on my knees | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
# I'm begging you, please to come home... # | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
Come home, baby, come home. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
Yes. Cecilia. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
Lovely job, guys. Now get out! | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
You've been listening to my unendingly stupid questions | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
for five minutes. You must be tired. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
To be honest, I am pretty tired of you, yeah. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
Cheek of it! | 0:08:41 | 0:08:42 | |
You try and give a young person a break | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
and they speak to you like that. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:46 | |
I can't believe it. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:48 | |
I wouldn't get this sort of cheek out of that cricket from earlier. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:52 | |
Larry, get me away from this ingrate. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
I'm livid. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
-CRICKET SQUEAKS -Get out, Beefy. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
Put on your dancing shoes, | 0:08:59 | 0:09:00 | |
because it's time for The Next Step But One. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:04 | |
Right, it's time to choose a new dance captain. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:12 | |
Move aside! I've got this in the bag. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
She's right... | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
THEY GASP | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
And in other news, I'm going to be dance captain yet again! | 0:09:19 | 0:09:23 | |
Actually, I'd like to try out for it. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
What is the meaning of this? | 0:09:26 | 0:09:28 | |
This - a pronoun used to identify a specific person or thing | 0:09:28 | 0:09:32 | |
close at hand or being identified or experienced. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Thank you, cos I didn't know. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
# We'll show the world our moves | 0:09:38 | 0:09:45 | |
# It's gonna... | 0:09:45 | 0:09:46 | |
# It's gonna... | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
# It's gonna be our chance | 0:09:49 | 0:09:53 | |
# It's gonna be our chance | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
# But none of us can dance | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
# But none of us can dance. # | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
So, Rochelle wants to be dance captain. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
Who does she think she is?! | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
Fortunately, I'm handling the whole situation | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
with quiet strength and dignity. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
I'm livid about it! | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
I should be captain, not any of you lot. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
I hate all of you. Especially you! | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
I can't believe what I'm witnessing. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
I'd never seen such quiet strength | 0:10:21 | 0:10:24 | |
and dignity. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
Ah, come here! | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
There's only one thing for it. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
Emily, Rochelle, | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
you'll have to go head-to-head. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
You'll never be captain. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
I've definitely got it in the bag. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
She's right again. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:44 | |
# Another one bites the dust. # | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
The first thing the girls have to do | 0:10:53 | 0:10:56 | |
is pick their teams for the dance-off. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
Emily, have you finished picking yours yet? | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
Nearly, but I've got a reet stubborn crow up here, | 0:11:01 | 0:11:05 | |
a right crisp one. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:06 | |
Yeah, but what about your team? | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
I think they are having the same problems, cocker. Look... | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
So, I finally get my team together | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
and I make sure we bond straight away. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
OK, everyone. Hands in the centre... | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
# Today this could be | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
# The greatest day of... # | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY | 0:11:26 | 0:11:27 | |
When choreographing a routine, | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
it's important to keep checking if people are good. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
Hey, team, are we good? | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
ALL: We're good! | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
I said, are we good?! | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
ALL: We're good! | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
Good. Lolly, are you good? | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
-I'm good. -Good. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
-Turquoise cat-thing, are you good? -I'm good. -Good! | 0:11:55 | 0:12:00 | |
Strange-looking woman, are you good? | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
-I'm good. -Good. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
Oh, Lolly, remind me again, were you good? | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
-Yeah, like, I was good. -Good. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
Strange-looking woman, are you good? | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
I'm good, yes... | 0:12:14 | 0:12:15 | |
So, just to be clear, we're all good. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
-Yeah, yeah. -We're still good. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:23 | |
-Good. -Emily, can we go home now? | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
It's like 21.30. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
Half-past nine isn't that late... | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
No, no, no. It's the year 2130. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
You've had us, like, dancing for over a century. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
I think I might be dying. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
Oh, get over it. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
Oh, Emily. I'd do anything for you. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:50 | |
In that case, you must sabotage Rochelle's routine - | 0:12:50 | 0:12:53 | |
but, whatever you do, don't let the cat out of the bag. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
Don't worry, I won't. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
OK. One-two, one-two-three-four. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:10 | |
That was utterly... | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
brilliant. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
-You mean, I got the job? -No, no. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
I'm afraid you all missed the deadline by 115 years, | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
so we had to make someone else dance captain. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:29 | |
Arr, shuffle hop ball change, landlubbers. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
NAUTICAL MELODY PLAYS | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
I can't believe we spent a whole episode | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
setting up that weak and laboured punchline. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
Well, that's not all - | 0:13:39 | 0:13:40 | |
someone let the cat out of the bag. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:42 | |
There it goes. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:46 | |
Impressive, isn't it? | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
I just can't stand this show sometimes. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
Have you seen anything good on YouBend recently, Derek? | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
Have I? Hoo-hoo! | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
I watched the most hilarious vlog ever last night. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
Really? Whose vlog is it? | 0:13:59 | 0:14:02 | |
It's by the most interesting and exciting man I've ever seen. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:06 | |
Oh, OK then, let's watch it. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:07 | |
Hoo-hoo! | 0:14:07 | 0:14:09 | |
Welcome to Wilf's World Of Woodwork Wonders. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:13 | |
Sorry I've not posted in a while... | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
Well, since about half an hour ago. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
I've been busy measuring up panels | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
and counting out half-inch nails. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
Anyway, today we're talking about staining fences. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:25 | |
Step one, make sure your fence is firmly secured | 0:14:25 | 0:14:29 | |
and definitely won't fall on you, | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
resulting in a comedic injury. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:34 | |
And step two... HE SCREAMS | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
I've stained my trousers. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
I don't believe it. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:41 | |
That was absolutely brilliant! | 0:14:41 | 0:14:45 | |
Oh, he's hilarious. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
He totally nailed it. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:48 | |
He didn't nail it, that's why it fell on him. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
There's no need for that, Derek. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
Ooh, don't take of-fence! | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
Hoo-hoo! | 0:14:54 | 0:14:55 | |
(Pathetic.) | 0:14:56 | 0:14:57 | |
Ellie, why is it that footballers are not allowed to dive? | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
Because there's no water. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
Hmm. But diving is a sport as well, isn't it? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
-Oh, yeah. Yes, it is. -A-ha! Checkmate. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
Because when I go down the swimming baths, | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
there's a big sign saying, "No diving." | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
So, you can't even dive there and it's a sport. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
I don't get it. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:18 | |
I think you've got a bit confused there. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
No, I didn't. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
It's all a load of old nonsense, sport. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
-That's what it is. -Oh, no, it's not. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
I think you'll find that's where you're wrong, my dear. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:30 | |
# I can't find a thing to do | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
# I'm so very bored | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
# I tried asking Ellie here | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
# She said to do some sport | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
# Physical activity I'm not that keen at all | 0:15:40 | 0:15:44 | |
# I've got better things to do than chase after balls | 0:15:44 | 0:15:48 | |
# I'm fed up with Federer | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
# I'm not the sort to play the sport | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
# Rooney could do betterer | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
# I'm not the sort to play the sport | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
# What on earth's a pommel horse? | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
# I'm not the sort to play the sport | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
# Golf's more dull than ancient Norse | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
# No more sport | 0:16:03 | 0:16:08 | |
# Ellie tried to make me see | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
# Sport can make you fit | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
# But I'd rather lie in bed | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
# Than put on my kit | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
# Getting sweaty isn't fun | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
# Jogging's not my taste | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
# If I want a beach body | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
# I'll cut down on my paste | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
# I would rather collect gnomes... | 0:16:24 | 0:16:26 | |
# I'm not the sort to play the sport | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
# ..Than go to the velodrome | 0:16:29 | 0:16:30 | |
# I'm not the sort to play the sport | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
# You're a fool if you can't see | 0:16:33 | 0:16:34 | |
# I'm not the sort to play the sport | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
# Sports will never interest me | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
# No | 0:16:39 | 0:16:40 | |
# More | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
# Sport | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
# Except snooker | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
# Oh, snooker, yes! # | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
Oh, look, she's clapping. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
It's a pity clap, but I'll still take it, cocker. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
I will say this, Ellie, lawn bowls is actually quite fun to watch - | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
I don't mind saying that. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:01 | |
Oh, that's something. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:02 | |
So, did you like it when I got the gold medal? | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
Oh, yes, and it was brilliant when you beat your own world record. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:08 | |
-So you do like sport then? -Never! | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
But, yes, I secretly do. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
No, no, sport's not my thing, no. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
I love the sport. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:16 | |
Oh, I can't bear the sport. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:17 | |
Oh, the sport - I love it. I love sport! | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
No, you don't, you hate it. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:21 | |
No, I love it. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:22 | |
Oh, Ellie. Ellie, I'm confused. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:23 | |
Ellie... I don't know what to do. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
Larry, Larry, what's coming up? | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
I don't understand it. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:29 | |
Badminton, I don't think so. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
Croquet, ooh! | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
It's a little-known fact that I was All-American champion | 0:17:33 | 0:17:37 | |
in the grand old sport of introducing... | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
back in California. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
Now, what's coming up next? | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
Oh, yeah! This. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
Coming up on Hacker Time, | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
Hacker reveals his favourite word... | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
Bull's-eye! | 0:17:51 | 0:17:52 | |
Hacker replaces his favourite word with a new favourite word... | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
-Coriolanus! -Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
And Wilf gets the boot at long last. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
Nutrition's important for a sportsperson, isn't it, Ellie? | 0:18:04 | 0:18:08 | |
Oh, yeah, very. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:09 | |
It's important for a chat show host too, you know, cocker. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
Got to keep your strength up for this high-end banter. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
-BELL RINGS -Oh, dinner's up. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
I better go and get a move on, | 0:18:17 | 0:18:18 | |
I need to take a "leak". | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
Come on, you. I need to go to the lavatory first. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
Oh, wait for me! | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
What about me? | 0:18:27 | 0:18:28 | |
LEEK SCREAMS | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
Wilf, we need to be more eco-friendly. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:38 | |
We'll cut down on costs and save the Earth to boot. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:41 | |
Oh, good. I like boots, | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
I've just got a new pair myself. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
I've got this guide - | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
Go Green And Stay Lean. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:50 | |
I'm lean and green. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
Not you. I'm talking about saving money. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
Although, stick around, | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
I might have a role for you later on... | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
A "casserole", that is! | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
Right, got to go. Bye. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
It says here we need a smaller carbon footprint. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:08 | |
Well, I could stop wearing smaller carbon boots, | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
but I've only just got these. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
Apparently our food needs to be responsibly sourced. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:18 | |
I'm very responsible with the sauce. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
My portions of ketchup are very frugal. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:24 | |
We also need to recycle more. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
We do recycle. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:27 | |
90% of the jokes in this sketch are recycled. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
Including that one. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
Most importantly, we need to stop using so much power. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:37 | |
Electric, petrol... | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
-It's all got to go. -OK, my love. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
But now we can't cook anything. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
I'll fire up the van. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
Oh, Wilf! | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
HE BURPS | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
Hacker Time is proud to present... | 0:19:56 | 0:19:58 | |
Simmonds' Secrets To Sporting Success. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:00 | |
First things first, get a coach... | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
-One step ahead of you there, cocker. -HORN BLARES | 0:20:07 | 0:20:10 | |
It's a 56-seater, all fitted with seatbelts. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:14 | |
..and remember to train regularly. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
Whoa. Why do I need a train when I've got a coach? | 0:20:16 | 0:20:20 | |
But, at first, it's best to build up your stamina - | 0:20:20 | 0:20:23 | |
so don't do anything too taxing. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
Did somebody say taxi? | 0:20:26 | 0:20:27 | |
Oh, that's my cab to take me to the train station. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
I've got a coach to catch. Ha-ha! | 0:20:30 | 0:20:32 | |
You've got to choose your sport carefully, | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
according to your own strengths. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:40 | |
Well, I can't grip anything with these little paws - | 0:20:40 | 0:20:43 | |
so that rules out darts... | 0:20:43 | 0:20:45 | |
Good, what else? | 0:20:45 | 0:20:46 | |
..and I can't count, so that rules out darts. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:49 | |
It might be more useful to think of things you CAN do. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
My paw/eye coordination is well off, so that rules out darts. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:56 | |
I think all that tells us something. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
It does indeed, cocker. | 0:20:58 | 0:20:59 | |
Stop going on about darts, Ellie Simmonds. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:01 | |
Darts, darts, darts - I'm bored of it. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:05 | |
Well, if anyone is entitled to be bored of darts around here, | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
it's me. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:09 | |
Bull's-eye! | 0:21:09 | 0:21:11 | |
To help with nutrition and energy, try to keep a food diary. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:18 | |
I do that, yeah. I keep the leek's diary. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
Look, I'll read you an excerpt. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
"Monday, Wilf took me to the pool | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
"and I disgraced myself again - | 0:21:25 | 0:21:26 | |
"when will I learn?" Ha-ha. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:28 | |
"Wednesday, how am I even writing this? I'm a leek." | 0:21:28 | 0:21:32 | |
Fair point. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
My last tip is the most important. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:40 | |
Always remember, never give up. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:42 | |
Oh, I give up. | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
What do you mean? | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
I mean, I give up giving up. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:47 | |
So you don't give up? | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
-That's the spirit. -Not really, I give up. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
-What? -I give up giving up on giving up. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:55 | |
In other words... I give up. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
-Oh, I give up. -Oh, she's given up. | 0:21:57 | 0:22:02 | |
Oh, my. If you thought that was bad, wait till you see this. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:06 | |
It's the Quarter Past 4 O'Clock Club. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
To be or not to be, that is the question. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:15 | |
No, the question is - why are you talking to a plastic skull? | 0:22:15 | 0:22:18 | |
I'm not talking, Josh. I am acting. | 0:22:18 | 0:22:20 | |
We're doing a play by the great William Shakespeare. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:24 | |
Shakespeare? But he's dull as old pebbledash. | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
Can we not do Grease? | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
I'd be an ace Pink Lady. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:30 | |
No, Josh. It's Shakespeare and that is that. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:34 | |
# Talking about a man | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
# One of life's winners | 0:22:36 | 0:22:37 | |
# More plays and sonnets than you've had hot dinners | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
# Macbeth, Othello, Midsummer Night's Dream | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
# He wrote so much that it would make you scream | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
# I've got no time for that old-fashioned tat | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
# To be or not to be, Forsooth and all that | 0:22:46 | 0:22:48 | |
# The guy's off his rocker He makes no sense | 0:22:48 | 0:22:50 | |
# I'd rather watch paint dry on my garden fence | 0:22:50 | 0:22:53 | |
# But old Billy S | 0:22:53 | 0:22:54 | |
# Man, what a dude | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
# He wrote about three witches standing in a brood | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
# Said that thing about music and food | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
# And what about Caesar? | 0:23:00 | 0:23:01 | |
# He was no good | 0:23:01 | 0:23:02 | |
# Enough about that rubbish It means nowt to me | 0:23:02 | 0:23:05 | |
# The whole works were surely typed up by a monkey | 0:23:05 | 0:23:07 | |
# Pericles, The Tempest, Richard III | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
# I'd rather be with Derek spotting boring birds | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
# Josh, this man, he is our favourite bard | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
# Wrote nearly 40 plays | 0:23:14 | 0:23:15 | |
# Oh, that must have been hard | 0:23:15 | 0:23:16 | |
# Hamlet, King Lear, The Taming Of The Shrew | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
# I'd rather stir stilton in my milky brew | 0:23:19 | 0:23:21 | |
# The man is filth | 0:23:21 | 0:23:22 | |
# His words are rotten | 0:23:22 | 0:23:23 | |
# Josh, there's a character and he's called Bottom. # | 0:23:23 | 0:23:26 | |
I love him! | 0:23:26 | 0:23:27 | |
Ha-ha! Great, now that that is settled, | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
let's start with rehearsals. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:30 | |
-Oh, yes, and what play is it? -Coriolanus. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:33 | |
I'm sorry to hear that, but let's carry on anyway. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:36 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the greatest quiz of them all, | 0:23:40 | 0:23:44 | |
the part of the show we like to call... | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
Sit On The Lav-Lav And Answer Some Questions. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
TENSE MUSIC PLAYS | 0:23:49 | 0:23:52 | |
TOILET FLUSHES | 0:23:52 | 0:23:55 | |
Ellie, the rules of this game are bog-standard. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
It's still funny that, isn't it? All you have to do is... | 0:23:58 | 0:24:01 | |
TENSE MUSIC PLAYS | 0:24:01 | 0:24:04 | |
TOILET FLUSHES | 0:24:04 | 0:24:06 | |
..Sit On The Lav-Lav And Answer Some Questions. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
Hey, hey! How does it feel being sat upon my throne? | 0:24:08 | 0:24:12 | |
-It's actually better than expected. -Isn't it, cocker? | 0:24:12 | 0:24:15 | |
That's what they all say. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
The time will end when you hear this sound... | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
You don't know your onions like I know my onions. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:22 | |
-Are you ready? -I'm ready. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:24 | |
In that case, start the clock. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
Tenpin bowling, true or false? | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
-True. -I'm afraid you're wrong, the answer was actually Cairo. -Oh. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:36 | |
Next question, what is the Super Bowl? | 0:24:36 | 0:24:39 | |
-Sport? -Nope, it's a massive bowl for serving soup in. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:42 | |
It can hold three cans of cream of chicken. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:46 | |
Please welcome my chum and soon-to-be yours. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:49 | |
It's the beloved Acky G! | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
It's Accordion George, Acky G! | 0:24:52 | 0:24:55 | |
Ack, Ack, Ack, Ack - The Big Juicy G! Yes! | 0:24:55 | 0:24:58 | |
Acky G is going to play a fantastic tune on his favourite ack, | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
but you must guess what song he's playing. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:04 | |
Take it away, Accordion G! | 0:25:04 | 0:25:06 | |
HE PLAYS UPBEAT SONG | 0:25:07 | 0:25:11 | |
Right, Ellie, you've got very little hope of getting this - | 0:25:22 | 0:25:25 | |
but what was The Big G playing on his favourite juicy ack? | 0:25:25 | 0:25:29 | |
I think I've got this one. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:30 | |
George Ezra - Budapest. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
Let's find out if you're right. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
# My house in Budapest | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
# My hidden treasure chest | 0:25:36 | 0:25:38 | |
# Golden grand piano | 0:25:38 | 0:25:40 | |
# My beautiful Castillo | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
# Oh, you | 0:25:42 | 0:25:43 | |
# Oh, you | 0:25:43 | 0:25:45 | |
# Oh, I'd leave it all... # | 0:25:45 | 0:25:46 | |
Yes, it was Budapest by George Ezra. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
I'm not sure how you got it, because you were rubbish there, George. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:52 | |
Have you got jam all down your keys? | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
Acky G, you are a waste of space - | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
now, go away. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:58 | |
Go on, out of my sight. | 0:25:58 | 0:26:00 | |
Next question, Ellie. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
Are you a good sport? | 0:26:02 | 0:26:04 | |
Yes. | 0:26:04 | 0:26:05 | |
No! You're not a good sport. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:06 | |
You're a person. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
You don't know your onions like I know my onions. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:11 | |
Time's up. That means you've won tonight's star prize. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:15 | |
A banana skin! | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
Skin only, flesh not included. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
What do you think about that, cocker? A rancid old fruit husk. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:23 | |
One of the best prizes I have ever had(!) | 0:26:23 | 0:26:25 | |
Yeah, I know. It is a tad underwhelming, that prize, isn't it? | 0:26:25 | 0:26:28 | |
-Yeah. -But worry ye not, cocker, | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
because you've also won a day trip for one | 0:26:30 | 0:26:33 | |
to the wastepipes 'neath this very studio. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
Have you got any last words before you go? | 0:26:35 | 0:26:37 | |
I'd just like to thank... | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
DOOR SLAMS | 0:26:39 | 0:26:40 | |
-KNOCK AT DOOR -Herman, flush her away! | 0:26:40 | 0:26:43 | |
Oh, no! | 0:26:43 | 0:26:46 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Oh, what a curious life I lead. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:51 | |
Now, before I go and get some haslet in for my tea, | 0:26:51 | 0:26:54 | |
here's a little song to say ta-ra with. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:56 | |
Join in if you know the words. | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
# That is it for now, the end of the show | 0:27:03 | 0:27:06 | |
# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go | 0:27:06 | 0:27:08 | |
# I'll see you next time on this show of mine | 0:27:08 | 0:27:10 | |
# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time | 0:27:10 | 0:27:13 | |
# It's been amazing, we've been larking around | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
# The whole programme cost just under a pound | 0:27:15 | 0:27:18 | |
# But watch again next time cos we've got much more | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
# There'll be tonnes of other funny stuff | 0:27:20 | 0:27:21 | |
# It will be top drawer | 0:27:21 | 0:27:22 | |
# Ellie Simmonds came along | 0:27:22 | 0:27:25 | |
# Tried to tell me sport was fun | 0:27:25 | 0:27:27 | |
# She gave me a masterclass | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
# But we found out Beyond a doubt | 0:27:29 | 0:27:30 | |
# That I just can't be made to run | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
# That is it for now, the end of the show | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
# I'll see you next time on this show of mine | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time | 0:27:39 | 0:27:41 | |
# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time | 0:27:41 | 0:27:44 | |
# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! # | 0:27:44 | 0:27:47 | |
Anyone fancy a swim? | 0:27:47 | 0:27:48 | |
-SPLASH -Kaplosh! | 0:27:48 | 0:27:50 |