Browse content similar to Tim Warwood. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
Line | From | To | |
---|---|---|---|
Hacker Time is not recommended in 35 countries, | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
including this one! | 0:00:04 | 0:00:05 | |
Morning, everyone! | 0:00:07 | 0:00:08 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:08 | 0:00:10 | |
Hang on, | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
where did that applause come from? | 0:00:12 | 0:00:13 | |
A studio audience snuck in overnight. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
-Look! -Eh? | 0:00:16 | 0:00:17 | |
You all right, cockers? | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
What are they doing now? | 0:00:21 | 0:00:22 | |
Well, they're trained to cheer at every popular catchphrase. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:26 | |
Really? | 0:00:26 | 0:00:27 | |
Yes, Mr Hacker. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:29 | |
CHEERING | 0:00:29 | 0:00:30 | |
I'll fire up the van! | 0:00:31 | 0:00:34 | |
CHEERING | 0:00:34 | 0:00:35 | |
Whoo-hoo! | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
AUDIENCE BOOS | 0:00:38 | 0:00:40 | |
Oh, no. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:42 | |
Oh... | 0:00:42 | 0:00:43 | |
Never mind. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:46 | |
They will laugh whenever we do something funny. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
Well, here's a joke then. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:51 | |
What's green, smelly | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
and can't produce a programme to save its life? | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
I have no idea. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
Derek. | 0:00:58 | 0:00:59 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
Very good, Lorraine, very good. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
But I think they'll laugh even louder at some slapstick comedy. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:11 | |
Herman, slap me with that fish. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
SQUELCH | 0:01:13 | 0:01:14 | |
Oh, they're not reacting. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
Fish slap me again. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
SQUELCH | 0:01:17 | 0:01:18 | |
Nothing. And again! | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
SMACK Oh! | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
LAUGHTER I'm seriously injured. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
Hey, you lot, I'm in a great deal of pain! | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
Somebody stop them laughing! | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
Very well - here's today's episode of Hacker Time. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:40 | |
AUDIENCE HISSES That's better. Whoo-hoo! | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
Oh! Stop! | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
Oh, me everything! | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
# You're gonna watch this | 0:01:50 | 0:01:51 | |
# You gotta watch this! | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
# You gotta watch this! | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
# My, my, my, my programme hits you | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
# So hard, makes me say | 0:02:03 | 0:02:04 | |
# Oh, my word! | 0:02:04 | 0:02:05 | |
# Thank you for watching me | 0:02:05 | 0:02:07 | |
# It's telly, but not what you normally see | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
# It feels good, there's outtakes too | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
# Comedy, guests and clips, it's true | 0:02:11 | 0:02:12 | |
# So sit back - don't move too much | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
# This is the show you can't touch | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
-# Stop! -Hacker Time! # | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
Thank you. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
Stand by, everyone. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:22 | |
We're on air in five, | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
four, three, | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
two, one... | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
Cue, Larry. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, do not adjust your sets. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
He really is that disgusting! | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
It's Hacker T Dog! | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
-APPLAUSE -You all right, cockers? Hey, hey! | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
I'm pleased to say that today's guest is a highly respected | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
broadcaster with a glittering televisual career. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
Hello! | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
Not you, Yonko! Go away! | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
AUDIENCE: Aw! | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
Don't show him any pity, will you? | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
As I was saying, today's guest is a real presenter | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
who does wildlife shows, or something. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
He's on his way now. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:05 | |
HE YELPS WITH EXCITEMENT | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
PHONE RINGS Hi, Tim Warwood here | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
-to do a wildlife show or something. -Oh, sounds great. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
-Step this way, Mr... -Warwood, actually. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
We need a new photograph for your ID badge. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
No, I'm all right. I think I've got one. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
-Get in the booth, in the booth. Go on, sir. -Really? OK. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
Shut those curtains. Shut 'em. Shut 'em tight. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
Get inside. Yeah. Doors, doors, please. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
Tim Warwood. Ah... | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
-BUZZ -Down. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:30 | 0:03:31 | |
SIRENS BLARE Let me out of here! | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
HACKER HUMS | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
Please, welcome today's special guest, | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
wildlife presenter Tim Warwood! | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
Yeah, I'm fine, absolutely fine. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
Welcome to Hacker Time, Tim Warwood! | 0:03:50 | 0:03:54 | |
No, absolutely no way. I'm not doing this, no. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
But, Tim, War-wouldn't you do it? | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
Because of that, because of all the jokes that you always do. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:02 | |
All right, all right, Tim. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:03 | |
I promise to stop with the jokes. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
Do you? All right. I'll stay. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
-HACKER CHUCKLES -WARWOOD I stop?! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
Derek, WARWOOD you do the honours and play the fact file? | 0:04:10 | 0:04:14 | |
I carried on in your honour, sir. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
Certainly, my little owl. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
Warwood! | 0:04:19 | 0:04:20 | |
Tim Warwood presents CBBC's Wild and Wild And Weird. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:26 | |
He can also turn his thumb into a rat. Hm... | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
Tim used to be a top snowboarder, | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
but now he's too old for all that stuff. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
Tim once forgot he was on TV and ran into the studio mid-shower. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:38 | |
Still, nothing's as bad as the time he turned up | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
dressed as a caterpillar construction worker. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
And he's always sat next to Naomi. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
That's all you need to know about Tim Warwood! | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
Wow! That was your life! | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
I've never seen anything so dull and harrowing in equal measure. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:56 | |
Hello! | 0:04:56 | 0:04:57 | |
Get out, Yonks! | 0:04:57 | 0:04:59 | |
AUDIENCE: Aw! | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
And stop pitying him, will you? | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
Tim, WARWOOD you like to see what's coming up? | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
-Yeah, go on. -Hurrah. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
Lazza, do the honours, me old mucka! | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
Get ready to laugh like a hyena and cry like an upset swan, | 0:05:12 | 0:05:16 | |
because today's Hacker Time | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
is all about wildlife! | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
WARWOOD he do this? | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
Whoa. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:25 | |
WARWOOD she do that? | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
THEY GRUNT | 0:05:27 | 0:05:28 | |
And WARWOOD anyone watch this? | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
Oh, War-wouldn't you like to know? | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
Looks almost bearable, doesn't it, thingy? | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
It's Tim, actually. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
Now, may I now stuff a series of questions into your withered | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
-old ears, Tom? -Tim. Go on, yeah. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
Question one - what is wildlife? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
It's everything, isn't it? Animals, insects... | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
No! | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
I think you'll find THIS is wildlife. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
DANCE MUSIC POUNDS | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
HORN BLARES | 0:06:01 | 0:06:04 | |
Yes, yes, yes. There you go. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
Much better than that boring wildlife that you're always | 0:06:06 | 0:06:09 | |
-harping on about, don't you think? -Not really. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
-I mean, well, different tastes, I suppose. -Well... | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
Now, Tim, you've seen lots of animals, haven't you? | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
Gorillas, tigers, even rabbits. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
Speaking of which, | 0:06:19 | 0:06:20 | |
do you remember that time you spotted the world's wildest hare? | 0:06:20 | 0:06:24 | |
Erm...not really. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
LAUGHTER Yeah, I do. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
-It's Radzi's hair. -Radzi's hair. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
Yeah, he should use a dry shampoo, shouldn't he? | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
-Yeah. -How dare you? | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
I'll have you know I'm the world's wildest hare | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
and I resent there being any suggestion otherwise. Hm! | 0:06:37 | 0:06:41 | |
-Ooh! What a wild hare! -Blimey. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
Tim, what's the scariest creature on the planet? | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
Is it Naomi Wilkinson before she's had her mandatory | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
full English breakfast? | 0:06:50 | 0:06:51 | |
-Look at her there. -Oh, yeah, I think it might be. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
-LAUGHTER -Seriously though, | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
what is the scariest creature on the planet? | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
Ooh, erm... | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
definitely a great white shark. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
Well, it's your lucky day, Tom, because we've got one here now! | 0:07:02 | 0:07:06 | |
What? | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
Whoa! | 0:07:08 | 0:07:09 | |
Don't worry, it's only Herman with a fin on his head. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:12 | |
-HE SIGHS -Oh, no, not me, Mr Hacker. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
-DRAMATIC MUSIC -But if it's not Herman, then... | 0:07:15 | 0:07:19 | |
THEY GASP | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
It's me. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
What do you think about me new quiff? | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
That's the weirdest hair I've ever seen. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
How dare you? | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
I'll have you know I'm the weirdest hare you've ever seen. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
Oh, yeah? Just how weird? | 0:07:34 | 0:07:37 | |
I'm going to stack your dishwasher in an unconventional fashion. Hm! | 0:07:37 | 0:07:41 | |
Ooh! How very War-weird. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:45 | |
Anyway, the joke's on him, cos I never wash my dishes! | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
Now, Tim, you're also interested in winter sports, aren't you? | 0:07:48 | 0:07:52 | |
-Yeah. -But which one's your favourite? | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
Definitely snowboarding. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
-Snowboarding. -Yeah. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:57 | |
While you're here, would you like to find out the results of the curling? | 0:07:57 | 0:08:00 | |
-Yeah, why not. -Very well. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
Wilf, what are the results of the curling? | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
See for yourself. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:06 | |
I've had a perm done to get rid of that terrible quiff. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:09 | |
Now, cocker, that brings us to the end of the interview. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
I can't believe we got through it | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
-without something disastrous happening. -I know. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
Oh... | 0:08:17 | 0:08:18 | |
Don't worry about it, Tim, you'll be fine. It's Herman this time. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
-Yeah. -No, it's not. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
He's gone down to the hairdressers to watch the curling. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
Then that means... | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
THEY SCREECH | 0:08:28 | 0:08:29 | |
Shark! Shark! | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
Shark! | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
Wait! Where did everybody go? | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
I only wanted to show off my new quiff. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
AUDIENCE: Aw! | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
Stop pitying him, will you?! | 0:08:39 | 0:08:40 | |
Larry, cut to something else! What a mess. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
Put on your dancing shoes, because it's time for | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
The Next Step...But One. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
I can't believe it, | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
Emma-Lee is actually looking at me. | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
You're the most handsome guy I've ever seen. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:03 | |
Would you like to grab a juice with me? | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
Oh, of course I would, darling. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
Mine is a turnip smoothie. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:11 | |
Good choice. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:12 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
Oh, just look at him. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
I've got butterflies in my stomach. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
Oh, well that's because you've been eating butterflies. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
Eddon, there's something I have to say. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
I, | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
O... | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
I... | 0:09:32 | 0:09:33 | |
I... | 0:09:33 | 0:09:34 | |
-E, O... -Well done. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
You've passed your eye test. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:38 | |
Great. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:39 | |
Oh, by the way, | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
I love you. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
A? | 0:09:43 | 0:09:44 | |
Well done, you've passed your eye test, too. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
# We'll show the world our moves | 0:09:47 | 0:09:54 | |
# It's going | 0:09:55 | 0:09:56 | |
# It's going | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
# It's going to be our chance | 0:10:00 | 0:10:03 | |
# It's going to be our chance | 0:10:03 | 0:10:06 | |
# But none of us can dance | 0:10:06 | 0:10:10 | |
# None of us can dance. # | 0:10:10 | 0:10:13 | |
When Rochelle said she loved me, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:18 | |
Rochelle, you've just said you love me | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
and I can't believe what I'm hearing. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
When Eddon said he couldn't believe what he was hearing after | 0:10:23 | 0:10:27 | |
-I said I loved him, I couldn't believe what -I -was hearing! | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
Eddon, you said you can't believe | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
what you're hearing after I said I loved you, | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
but now I can't believe what I'm hearing after you just said | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
you can't believe what you're hearing after I said I love you... | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
Can we move the story along, please? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
It's getting a little bit much, innit? | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
OK. Eddon, will you go out with me? | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
You've got the most lustrous hairs, haven't you? | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
I suppose the answer has to be...yes. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
Ugh, what did he say?! | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
Does this mean we're actually seeing each other? | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
Yes, I can confirm that you're both | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
seeing each other very clearly. Ha-ha. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
Why is there even an optician in here? | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
# Another one bites the dust - oww! # | 0:11:09 | 0:11:13 | |
SHE GIGGLES | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
More turnip smoothie, honey, bunny, sugar lump? | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
No, thanks, snuggly, wuggly, fuzzy, wuzzy, rainbow, kitten...face. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
So I walk in and see those two canoodling, | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
and it instantly makes me sick! | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
-There's your turnip smoothie. -Thanks. Now to vomit. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:35 | |
-Emma-Lee, do you have a problem with our relationship? -Well, duh! | 0:11:35 | 0:11:40 | |
Everyone knows that I'm in love with Eddon. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
SHE GASPS | 0:11:42 | 0:11:43 | |
You are? | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
Ohh, I couldn't have made it clearer. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:49 | |
Emma-Lee, will you go out with me? | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
HACKER OINKS | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
Emma-Lee, will you go out with me? | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
HACKER SNORTS AND YAPS | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
Emma-Lee, will you go out with me? | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
HACKER SNORTS AND RETCHES | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
Woo-woo! Mahhh! | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
HACKER CAWS | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
Cuckoo! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
See? Could not have made it clearer. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
Well, you can't have him, he is mine. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:18 | |
THEY OINK | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
HACKER CAWS AND SHRIEKS | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
So Emma-Lee's like... HE OINKS | 0:12:22 | 0:12:23 | |
And Michelle's like... HE OINKS | 0:12:23 | 0:12:25 | |
And Emma-Lee's like... HE OINKS | 0:12:25 | 0:12:26 | |
And Michelle's like... HE OINKS | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
And I'm like, "I have to do something." | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
Girls, please! There's only one way to settle this. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:35 | |
I will have to pick the one that I think is the most beautiful. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:39 | |
THEY GASP | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
-HACKER COUGHS -Excuse me. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
Cheating, that. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:44 | |
So, who is the most beautiful? | 0:12:51 | 0:12:56 | |
It definitely has to be... | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
you. ROCHELLE GASPS | 0:12:59 | 0:13:00 | |
You're gorgeous. Fancy a turnip smoothie? | 0:13:00 | 0:13:04 | |
Oh, darling... you had me at "turnip." | 0:13:04 | 0:13:08 | |
ALL: Awww. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:09 | |
-BELL RINGS -Well done, you've all passed. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:13 | |
Oh, it gets worse. Ooh, let's watch something on YouBend. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:17 | |
Oh, I know, we can watch that Hacker Time mashup. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
It's trending all over the web. I love a good mashup - | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
with a pie. Hoo-hoo! | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
No, Derek, it's nothing to do with a pie and mash, | 0:13:25 | 0:13:29 | |
it's a mashup of clips of Hacker Time. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
I know, I like to watch mashups with a pie! | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
SMOOCH | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
Stick it on. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:37 | |
Today's show... Is 15%... Utter rubbish. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
15%... Hideous! The rest of the show... | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
-Is stupid...unfunny... -Hurrah! -..and totally one-dimensional. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:48 | |
-Wooo! -And worst of all... -He's just so, you know, "Nneagh!" | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
Nneagh! Nneagh! | 0:13:52 | 0:13:53 | |
-I'm sorry... -We have to get rid of him. -Moving on. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
-PARP -It's basic comedy, this. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
PARP | 0:13:59 | 0:14:00 | |
This is awkward. Oh, me privets! | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
-I don't get it. -That was really well done, that, wasn't it? | 0:14:02 | 0:14:05 | |
-That's the most sense he's ever made. -Exactly, ho-ho. Now, to eat me pie. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:10 | |
Ooh-ooh-ooh, I've burnt me tongue! | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHTER SOUND EFFECT | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
Stop laughing. Stop laughing at my pain. Stop it! It really hurts. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:21 | |
Timothy, why haven't I ever been on one of your wildlife shows? | 0:14:21 | 0:14:25 | |
Well, you are a tame dog, aren't you? | 0:14:25 | 0:14:27 | |
TAME?! I don't know what that word means. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:29 | |
However, I do often wish I was a more exciting creature. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:33 | |
KEYBOARD RIFF | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
# My life is so banal | 0:14:38 | 0:14:42 | |
# I'm constantly upset | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
# Just a dull domestic pet | 0:14:46 | 0:14:50 | |
# I'm so common if only I could change | 0:14:50 | 0:14:55 | |
# And find some inner peace | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
# As a more exotic beast | 0:15:00 | 0:15:04 | |
# Like a hippo or a whale | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
# Maybe a rhino, goose or snail | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
# A gibbon or a northern bobwhite quail... # | 0:15:11 | 0:15:16 | |
HE MOUTHS | 0:15:16 | 0:15:17 | |
# Or a stoat! Yes, a stoat! | 0:15:17 | 0:15:21 | |
# Then I'd bound across the heath | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
# Have a vicious set of teeth | 0:15:24 | 0:15:28 | |
# And sleep in an open habitat | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
# A black tip on my tail | 0:15:31 | 0:15:35 | |
# And weird mouse-like ears | 0:15:35 | 0:15:38 | |
# An otter's face and a lifespan of five years | 0:15:38 | 0:15:43 | |
# Just five years. # | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
And that's why my life would so much better as a stoat. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:55 | |
Imagine living for a whole, glorious five years. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
-Yeah, but how old are you? -I'm six. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
Oh, yeah, stoats are rubbish, aren't they? | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
Come here, you stinking wretch! | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
HE GROWLS | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
-STOAT TOY SQUEAKS -Ooh. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
Larry, tell us what other muck's coming up. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
Certainly, Hacker. This is the show that just keeps giving... | 0:16:11 | 0:16:16 | |
you nightmares! Things are getting wild with Tim and Hacker. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:20 | |
Why wouldn't they? | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
There's a lesson to be learned at Flemsbury High. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
And don't miss the quiz finale. Why would you? | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
"Why would you", ha. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
That looks awful. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:32 | |
Now, Tim, you're a man with a face, and indeed some eyes, | 0:16:32 | 0:16:36 | |
but whom is the real Tim Warwood? | 0:16:36 | 0:16:41 | |
Well, it's a deep question really... | 0:16:41 | 0:16:42 | |
-SCHOOL BELL RINGS -Oh, lunchtime! | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
Not interested, cocker, good day to ye. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
I hope it's napkins instead of serviettes today. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
I'm hungry. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
Wilf, food sales are down. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:06 | |
And, what with your endless parade of new hairdos, | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
we could go out of business! | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
Don't worry, my sweet, I've introduced a new taster menu - look. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:15 | |
Mmm, it's less cardboardy than the last one. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
Oh, Mrs Breadbin, a taster menu is a series of small courses | 0:17:24 | 0:17:28 | |
at extremely high prices. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
We only need one mug - I mean customer - | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
and we'll be back in bwizness. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
-Oh, here's one. -Hello, mug - I mean, customer. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:39 | |
Oh, no, you were right, my name is Mug, | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
and I'm also incredibly gullible. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
In that case, you'll love our new taster menu. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:48 | |
Oh, well, I hope it's less cardboardy than the last one. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
OK, here's your pre-starter starter, your pre-starter, | 0:17:51 | 0:17:57 | |
your starter starter, your starter for ten, | 0:17:57 | 0:18:01 | |
you're under starter's orders, and you're off! | 0:18:01 | 0:18:05 | |
Literally. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
Your post-starter, your post post-starter, | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
your post which got redirected here and a fence post. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
I varnished it meself. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
Your main course, minor course, major course... | 0:18:15 | 0:18:19 | |
And your training course - on how to hold a large stack of plates. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:24 | |
Just give it a little tidy up, dear, that's it. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
-It's looking good, that, yeah. Smashing. -Here you go. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:31 | |
-Enjoy your meal. -Aaaargh! | 0:18:31 | 0:18:36 | |
Oh, he should have paid more attention to that training course. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
Never mind that, he's broken all me plates. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:42 | |
How am I going to feed the studio audience? | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
JEERING | 0:18:44 | 0:18:46 | |
I'll fire up the van. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
SCHOOL BELL RINGS | 0:18:48 | 0:18:49 | |
And now, we present Tim and Hacker in Wild and Weirdo! | 0:18:50 | 0:18:56 | |
SCREECH | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
You know, Hacker, there is nothing better than being | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
in the middle of the desert. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
Oh, I finished my dessert ages ago. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
I'm already on my post dessert, pre-after-dinner mint. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
HE SNIFFS | 0:19:06 | 0:19:08 | |
-No! I said desert, not dessert. -All right, sorry. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
-What are we doing here again? -We're on the hunt for big game. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:14 | |
Have you seen any? | 0:19:14 | 0:19:15 | |
Yes, I've got this giant box of snakes and ladders here, cocker. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:18 | |
Look at that little beauty. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:19 | |
Not that big game. I was talking more rhinos and elephants. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
I've got that as well, they were two-for-one. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:24 | |
-I've got that one, look. -What? | 0:19:24 | 0:19:25 | |
-All in the same deal. -No. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:26 | |
I'll tell you what - giraffes. Let's look out for giraffes, yeah? | 0:19:26 | 0:19:30 | |
I've got that as well, look. Draughts. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
I've got draughts with me, | 0:19:32 | 0:19:33 | |
look, I always carry it, | 0:19:33 | 0:19:34 | |
-I've got draughts. -Not draughts, I'm talking giraffes. -Draughts. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:37 | |
-Giraffes! -Oh, right. -Enough. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:38 | |
-Why don't you take a look through your binoculars? -Very well! | 0:19:38 | 0:19:42 | |
-GASPS: -I don't believe it! | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
-I can see it so clearly. -What? What is it? | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
-Is it a crocodile, a zebra, a hippopotamus? -No. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
The lens cap of the binoculars. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
-Oh. Here you go. -Thank you. -Try that. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
-Right, cheers. -Look again. -DINGO! | 0:19:54 | 0:19:58 | |
Dingo! A real one? You can see a dingo? | 0:19:58 | 0:19:59 | |
No, I got a full house in bingo and I forgot how to spell. Ha! | 0:19:59 | 0:20:04 | |
-Just have another look. -All right. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
HE GASPS | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
-Lion! -Really? You can see a lion? | 0:20:08 | 0:20:10 | |
No, I was lying about getting a full house in dingo. I was missing 88. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:15 | |
Eugh! He's right. I actually got | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
-a full house. -Did you? | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
No. I was lying. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
-Were you? -No, I was lying about that. -Oh, were you? | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
Look, I don't know what the truth is any more. Bye! | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
HE GASPS | 0:20:28 | 0:20:29 | |
-What? -What is that on the floor there? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
Agh! Oh, look at that. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
Unbelievable. That right there is the egg of the mystical wacka wacka bird. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:40 | |
It's a very rare artefact, you know. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
We should guard it with our lives. EGG CRACKS | 0:20:42 | 0:20:45 | |
-Do you understand me? -What was that? | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
Sorry, I didn't hear what you were saying there, cocker, | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
I was busy frying this priceless egg. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
Listen, the wacka wacka bird | 0:20:52 | 0:20:53 | |
can't be far away. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
We should hide in some camouflage, Hacker. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
Hacker? Hacker? | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
Wow. That is good camouflage. I can't even see you. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:05 | |
I know! These gaudy feathers really blend into this arid landscape. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:10 | |
-Hacker! -What? | 0:21:10 | 0:21:11 | |
The bird's going to see you dressed like that | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
and it's going to be furious about that egg. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:16 | |
HE GASPS | 0:21:16 | 0:21:17 | |
-Here it is. -Agh! | 0:21:17 | 0:21:18 | |
-Oi, you. -Yes? -I want a word with you. -Yes? | 0:21:18 | 0:21:22 | |
-And I want a straight answer. -Y-Y-Yes! | 0:21:22 | 0:21:26 | |
Would you like to play a friendly game of Rhinos and Elephants | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
-with me? -Oh, I thought you'd never ask. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
CHEERING | 0:21:31 | 0:21:32 | |
By the way, have you seen my egg? | 0:21:34 | 0:21:37 | |
-Yes! He took it! -What? | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
Right, you come here! | 0:21:39 | 0:21:43 | |
Go on, you. Give him what for... | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
And now, it's the moment you haven't been waiting for, | 0:21:46 | 0:21:50 | |
it's the Quarter Past 4 o'clock Club. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:52 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
Oh, I love geography! | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
There's nowt more enjoyable than baking a nice juicy flan. | 0:21:56 | 0:22:00 | |
Josh, you're thinking about food technology. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:03 | |
Geography is all about the Earth - volcanoes, oceans, | 0:22:03 | 0:22:07 | |
gross national product. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
-It's got nothing to do with flans. -Geography? | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
Pah! | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
# This subject makes me sick, I'm sweating and shaking | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
# Who cares about the latitude of Copenhagen? | 0:22:16 | 0:22:18 | |
# I don't see the point of the Brazilian plateau | 0:22:18 | 0:22:21 | |
# When I could be baking a Black Forest gateau | 0:22:21 | 0:22:23 | |
# Get with the programme, don't be a potato | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
# Geography is great, think about the Equator | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
# It's 25,000 miles in length | 0:22:27 | 0:22:29 | |
# And wait till we've covered igneous rock strength | 0:22:29 | 0:22:32 | |
# Stop going on about clouds and rain | 0:22:32 | 0:22:33 | |
# Sedimentary rock formation's a world of pain | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
# I can't stand this field of study, Capiche? | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
# Let's learn something useful like how to make quiche | 0:22:38 | 0:22:40 | |
# Oh, quiche Lorraine! | 0:22:40 | 0:22:42 | |
# Or the three climate zones of Spain | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
# A baked Florentine | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
# Or the San Andreas fault line | 0:22:46 | 0:22:48 | |
# Don't want to learn the contour lines of North Moldova | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
# I'd rather reach the summit of a huge Pavlova | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
# Josh, this is silly, geography's the best | 0:22:53 | 0:22:55 | |
# Besides all that, you've got a test | 0:22:55 | 0:22:58 | |
# Pah! It's boring, I'd rather bake | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
# But you need to know about an oxbow lake | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
# Or the atmosphere and how it's thinned | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
# Or ask yourself, why do we have wind? # | 0:23:04 | 0:23:06 | |
PHRRT! | 0:23:06 | 0:23:09 | |
Oh! It's all those pastry products, if I'm honest. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
Reet, I'm off to food technology. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
I can't wait to learn about the planet. GOOD DAY! | 0:23:14 | 0:23:18 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:23:20 | 0:23:22 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
hold onto your hats as we come to the gripping climax of today's show. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:28 | |
The quiz that we like to call... | 0:23:28 | 0:23:31 | |
Sit on the Lav Lav and Answer Some Questions. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC | 0:23:34 | 0:23:36 | |
FLUSHING | 0:23:38 | 0:23:39 | |
Yes, Tim, the rules of this game are bog standard. It's good, that. | 0:23:41 | 0:23:44 | |
All you have to do is... | 0:23:44 | 0:23:45 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC | 0:23:45 | 0:23:47 | |
FLUSHING | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
..sit on the lav lav and answer some questions. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
How does it feel being sat upon my throne, cocker? | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
-Good, yes, it's nice. Warm. -Still warm, innit? | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
The time will end when you hear this sound. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
Hello! | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
-Are you ready? -Yes. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
In that case, start the clock. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
-Name a garden bird. -A robin. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
No, it was Terry. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:12 | |
Complete the title of this show. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
-Naomi's Nightmares of... -Nature. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:16 | |
No, Nantwich. Ha! | 0:24:16 | 0:24:18 | |
Herman has disguised this bird of prey as a popular singer. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:21 | |
-But who is it? -Er... | 0:24:21 | 0:24:24 | |
Er, Peter Andre? | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
Incorrect. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:27 | |
It's obvious who it is, it's Owl-ie Murs. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
Oh! | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
Go away, Herman and take that filth with you. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
Please say hello to my old friend and confidant, Acky G! | 0:24:34 | 0:24:38 | |
# It's Accordion George Acky G, G, G. # | 0:24:38 | 0:24:42 | |
The big George, | 0:24:42 | 0:24:43 | |
good old Acky G and his big juicy acc! | 0:24:43 | 0:24:46 | |
Acky G is about to play a famous tune on his lovely bulbous acc, | 0:24:46 | 0:24:49 | |
but what is it? | 0:24:49 | 0:24:51 | |
Take it away, Acky G. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
HE PLAYS "SUGAR" BY MAROON 5 | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
Well, it sounds like you haven't played that for 25 years, cocker, | 0:25:08 | 0:25:12 | |
but, Tim, what was Acky G portraying on his acc? | 0:25:12 | 0:25:16 | |
Er... Er... | 0:25:16 | 0:25:18 | |
# Nothing gonna go my way. # | 0:25:18 | 0:25:19 | |
-I don't know. -You've no idea, have you, cocker? -No. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:22 | |
I didn't think you would, it was dreadful. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
Let's find out what it was, please. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
-"SUGAR" BY MAROON 5 PLAYS -Yeah! | 0:25:26 | 0:25:28 | |
Come on, G, dance, cocker. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:30 | |
-Come on, G. -I should have known this one. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
# The big G Acky G | 0:25:34 | 0:25:38 | |
-# He's a big old G... # -MUSIC STOPS | 0:25:38 | 0:25:40 | |
He was slightly out... | 0:25:40 | 0:25:41 | |
It was Sugar by Maroon 5. I'm not surprised you didn't get it. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:44 | |
He was slightly out of time, it threw me. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:46 | |
-Yeah, well, he was dreadful, wasn't he, cocker? -Well... -Acky G, go away! | 0:25:46 | 0:25:50 | |
Go on, get your acc out of me sight, I'm sick of seeing it. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:53 | |
-Good, though. -Take your stool with you. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:55 | |
-He always brings that stool with him. -Does he? | 0:25:55 | 0:25:57 | |
I don't know what he's thinking! Now, complete this phrase. | 0:25:57 | 0:26:00 | |
-I'm having a what of a time? -Whale! | 0:26:00 | 0:26:03 | |
All right, then. | 0:26:03 | 0:26:04 | |
-WAILS: -I said, complete this phrase... | 0:26:04 | 0:26:06 | |
Hello! | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
Time's up. That means you've won tonight's star prize. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:12 | |
A used piece of chewing gum! Only six previous owners. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:16 | |
What do you think about that, cocker? | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
Mmm, not so appealing really but thank you all the same. I'll take it. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:21 | |
My pleasure, yes. Well, it's your lucky day, cocker. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:23 | |
-Because you've also won an holiday! -Really? A holiday? | 0:26:23 | 0:26:27 | |
A once-in-a-lifetime trip to the drains beneath this very studio. | 0:26:27 | 0:26:31 | |
-Any last words before you go? -Well, thank you to... | 0:26:31 | 0:26:34 | |
Hey-hey! Herman, flush him away! | 0:26:35 | 0:26:38 | |
FLUSHING HE SCREAMS | 0:26:38 | 0:26:40 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:26:40 | 0:26:42 | |
What a lovely person. I wonder who she was. | 0:26:42 | 0:26:45 | |
Reet, I'm off to get me nets cleaned at the dry cleaner's. | 0:26:45 | 0:26:48 | |
But first, I shall sing my final ditty. Join in, me old cockers! | 0:26:48 | 0:26:53 | |
# That is it for now, the end of the show | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
# I need the lav lav so I'm going to go | 0:27:00 | 0:27:02 | |
# I'll see you next time on this show of mine | 0:27:02 | 0:27:05 | |
# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker time | 0:27:05 | 0:27:07 | |
# It's been amazing, we've been larking around | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
# The whole programme cost just under a pound | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
# Watch again next time cos we've got much more | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
# There'll be tonnes of other funny stuff | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
# It will be top drawer | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
# My guest today was Tim Warwood our chat was quite absurd | 0:27:18 | 0:27:22 | |
# We had some very hairy jokes | 0:27:22 | 0:27:24 | |
# And then poor old Tim got chased away by the wacka wacka bird | 0:27:24 | 0:27:27 | |
# That is it for now, the end of the show | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
# I need the lav lav so I'm going to go | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
# I'll see you next time on this show of mine | 0:27:31 | 0:27:34 | |
# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time | 0:27:34 | 0:27:36 | |
# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time | 0:27:36 | 0:27:39 | |
# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! # | 0:27:39 | 0:27:41 | |
-I wish I had my own show. -ALL: Aw! | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
Don't show him any pity! | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 |