Kimberly Wyatt Hacker Time
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Transcript
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|---|---|---|---|
Oh. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:04 | |
One minute to on air, one-minute! | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
Great news, everyone! | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
Hacker Time has been nominated for a Daytime Flemmy Award. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
If we're going to win, this has to be our best show ever! | 0:00:12 | 0:00:18 | |
Lorraine? | 0:00:18 | 0:00:19 | |
-What? -How's the script coming along? | 0:00:19 | 0:00:22 | |
Well, I haven't written it yet! | 0:00:22 | 0:00:23 | |
But the programme starts in 45 seconds! | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
Oh, great. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:27 | |
Well, that's twice as long as it usually takes to write this rubbish. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
-Wilfred? -Hello, there! | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
We need to come up with lots of brilliant new ideas. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:39 | |
I've got it! | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
What? A brilliant new idea? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
No, a brilliant new light bulb for this dressing room. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:46 | |
Wilfred? | 0:00:46 | 0:00:48 | |
Finally, we need to make sure our big star is ready. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:51 | |
Hacker? | 0:00:53 | 0:00:54 | |
-Yes, Derek? -Is our big star ready? | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
Yes! This 24 carat gold star will be perfect for bribing the judges. | 0:00:57 | 0:01:02 | |
-BADUM-TISH! -Daytime Flemmy, here we come! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
Run the titles! | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
Hoo-hoo! | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
# You gonna watch this? | 0:01:12 | 0:01:13 | |
# You gotta watch this! | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
# You gotta watch this! | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
# My, my, my, my programme hits you | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
# So hard Makes me say, "Oh, my word!" | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
# Thank you for watching me | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
# It's telly, but not what you normally see | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
# It feels good, there's outtakes too | 0:01:31 | 0:01:32 | |
# Comedy, guests and clips, it's true | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
# So sit back - don't move too much | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
# This is the show - ha! - you can't touch. # | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
Stop! | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
Thank you. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
OK, standby, everyone. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:43 | |
We're on air in five, four... | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
Wilf, is the celebrity guest here? | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
She's coming now. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
Hi, I'm Kimberly Wyatt - dancer, singer, TV judge. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
I'm here for a music programme? | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
Oh, certainly, Mr Wyatt. | 0:01:58 | 0:01:59 | |
But first, you look like you could use the lavatory. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
-Is that a fair assessment? -No, I'm OK. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
I think you should pop into the toilet, | 0:02:04 | 0:02:05 | |
make a bit of room for later. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:07 | |
-I'm really, I'm OK. -Go on. It's two-ply lavatory paper in there, | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
it's really absorbent. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:11 | |
Ready, Hacker! | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
Good! I found the perfect outlet for her talents - | 0:02:15 | 0:02:19 | |
a sewage outlet! | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
HE WHISTLES | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
SHE WHIMPERS AND SCREAMS | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, from Taking The Next Step, it's Kimberly Wyatt! | 0:02:34 | 0:02:40 | |
Welcome to Hacker Time! | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
Hooray! | 0:02:46 | 0:02:47 | |
No. I am not doing this. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
Oh, but Kimberly, in your honour, I've taken the next step. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:54 | |
Oh, have you? | 0:02:54 | 0:02:55 | |
Yes, look. The next step of the staircase that leads out of here. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:59 | |
You're going nowhere, love! Ha-ha-ha! | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
Well, I mean, it does feel quite nice to be on a show | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
-that's been nominated for a Daytime Flemmy. -Good. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:07 | |
Time to find out who you actually are. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
Derek, my liege! | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
Le Fact File. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:12 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
What's funny about that? | 0:03:15 | 0:03:16 | |
Coming up, my little owl. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
Eh? | 0:03:19 | 0:03:20 | |
What did you put that on for, Derek? | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
-Who's that? -It's the wrong button. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
-Come on, press the right button. -Oh, it's him again. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
This is right. Kimberly Wyatt is an American pop singer, dancer, | 0:03:26 | 0:03:30 | |
baker and wooden spoon holder. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
She judges Taking The Next Step in a lovely, bright pink studio. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:36 | |
She'll feel right at home here, then! | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
Kimberly won Celebrity MasterChef | 0:03:38 | 0:03:39 | |
by holding the trophy out of everybody's reach. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Her favourite colour is wenge, and her favourite food are sunglasses. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
And that's everything you don't need to know about Kimberly Wyatt. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
I'm still not entirely sure who you are, but I've committed now. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
Hmph! HE YELPS | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
Cheeky! I must admit, since you've been here, | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
you've created quite a stir. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
Well, I think it's really my only escape route out of here. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
Stir, stair - it works! | 0:04:02 | 0:04:05 | |
Lovely stuff. Larry, what other muck's coming up? | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
Well, it's a good job Kimberly Wyatt's our guest, | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
because today's show is all about Kimberly Wyatt! | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
Coming up, we've got a leg in the air, | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
some plop in the fur | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
and Accordion George. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
Don't go away! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
Wahey! It looks like the usual loaded schedule-filling tat, | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
-don't you think, Kimberly? -Yeah. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
Um, just a reminder that the Daytime Flemmy Awards panel | 0:04:32 | 0:04:36 | |
will be scoring you throughout this episode, Hacker. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
Them?! I thought they were our new set of gargoyles! | 0:04:39 | 0:04:43 | |
Oh, I can't believe that! | 0:04:43 | 0:04:44 | |
Oh, no - zero. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
Move on! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
Very well. Kimberly, you're a well-known dancer. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:51 | |
But what's your signature move? | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
I would say my signature move is the standing over split. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
-Do you want to see it? -Yeah, I do. Go on, cockle. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:02 | |
-Ready? -Yeah. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
-What the...? -Anyone can do that! Watch. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:08 | |
HE GRUNTS | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
-Look at that! -Wow. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
How am I even doing this? | 0:05:17 | 0:05:18 | |
I'm scared, Kimberly, I'm scared! | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
I'm scared for you! | 0:05:20 | 0:05:21 | |
No, I'm only joking, cocker. They're just prop legs. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
Apart from that one. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
-Huh? Whoa! -CRASH | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
Anyway. Do you remember when I auditioned for Taking The Next Step? | 0:05:28 | 0:05:33 | |
-No, I don't. -I did! | 0:05:33 | 0:05:34 | |
I did do it. Peer at the evidence, cockers. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:38 | |
I'm Hacker T Dog, and I'm here to audition. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:42 | |
The floor is yours. Show me what you've got. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
Well, I've actually got this spot at the moment, | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
-but I don't think that's relevant. -That is totally fine. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
Humongous, enormous! | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
How rude! It's only lickle. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
I still look OK. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:53 | |
I'm not a fan of the stank face thing. | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
I don't get it. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:56 | |
Bit harsh, John! | 0:05:56 | 0:05:57 | |
I'm not a fan of your hair, but I wasn't going to mention it! | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
Anyway, you'll love this. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
I'm a reet good dancer. Watch! | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
# La, la, la La, la, la | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
# La, la, la, la, limbo, ho Hey! # | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
-Eh? -I think The Next Step might just love you. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:12 | |
-So, yes. -It's a yes from me. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
Oh, one more yes and I'm through to nationals! | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
It's a no from myself today. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
It's because of this spot, isn't it? | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
It's not fair! IT'S NOT FAIR! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:27 | |
-It wasn't fair! -Apparently, I liked you. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:30 | |
Now, Kimbo, how did you start out as a dancer? | 0:06:30 | 0:06:34 | |
Well, I started with gymnastics and then went into ballet and tap. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
-Oh, ballet? -Yeah. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:39 | |
Did you know that Wilf was once in Swan Lake? | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
No. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:43 | |
Here you go, little swans! | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
Lots of lovely bread for you. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
Here! Argh! | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
-SPLASH -Oh, dear. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
He was so shaken up, | 0:06:52 | 0:06:53 | |
he couldn't perform with the National Ballet later that week. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
-BADUM-TISH! -Eh? | 0:06:56 | 0:06:57 | |
Now, Kim. You famously won a Celebrity MasterChef. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:03 | |
What was on your winning menu? | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
Well, for a starter I had seafood soup with mussels. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:09 | |
-Ooh, no, seafood soup with MUSCLES doesn't really agree with me. -No? | 0:07:09 | 0:07:13 | |
Oh, I don't really agree with you! | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
THE SOUP CHUCKLES | 0:07:16 | 0:07:17 | |
He'll be better once he's had his protein shake. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
As an American, did you have trouble with all the British names for food? | 0:07:20 | 0:07:24 | |
Like tomato and banana | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
and "manageable portion"? | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
SHE LAUGHS Here and there, yes. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
Well, let's test your knowledge, then. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
You call these vegetables eggplant, zucchini, and scallions. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:39 | |
But what are they called in Britain? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
Well, these are spring onions. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
Zucchini... | 0:07:45 | 0:07:46 | |
-Courgette? -Mm. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
-Aubergine! -No! | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
In Britain, they're all called Stuart. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
I call all me vegetables Stuart. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
It makes it easier to remember their names. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:58 | |
-What? -Well, well, well. It's time to wrap up the interview. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:01 | |
Cheers, Kimberly. Having you here it really has put a spring in my step. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:06 | |
Oh, thank you for having me! | 0:08:06 | 0:08:07 | |
Yeah. Somehow, Stuart the spring onion's got stuck in me step! | 0:08:07 | 0:08:11 | |
-BADUM-TISH! -Do you see? A SPRING in my STEP! | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
It's a joke! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:15 | |
-Oh! -Oh! -Zero! | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
THAT'S the final score? | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
We're never getting that Daytime Flemmy Award now! | 0:08:19 | 0:08:23 | |
Oh, we're not from the Daytime Flemmies! | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
-No. -We're from the National Society | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
of Middle Aged Women Who Hold Up Zeros For No Reason! | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
Then who was the judge? | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
Well, actually, it was me! | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
And the award goes to... | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
THEY ALL GASP | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
..Stuart here! | 0:08:41 | 0:08:42 | |
The most entertaining spring onion lodged in a step I have ever seen. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:48 | |
No! None of this makes any sense! | 0:08:48 | 0:08:51 | |
Talking of which, Larry, cut to summat else! | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
Now on Hacker Time, the Admiral needs to watch his back | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
in this week's Adventure of Admiral Lawnmower! | 0:08:57 | 0:09:03 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
'A great admiral needs only one thing - | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
'Respect with a capital R.' | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
D'oh! | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
'I needn't worry. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
'Because my men often gather | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
'to talk about how brilliant and lovely I am.' | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
Men. We're gathered to talk about | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
how brilliant and lovely the admiral is... | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
n't. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:45 | |
The man's a hideous disgrace of nature! | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
Tell me about it! On Friday, he punished me with... | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
the cat-o'-nine-tails! | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
THEY ALL GASP | 0:09:53 | 0:09:54 | |
Stroke it! | 0:09:56 | 0:09:57 | |
But I'm allergic to cats! | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
In that case, I'll have to use this on you! | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
WHIP CRACKS | 0:10:02 | 0:10:03 | |
-THEY ALL GASP -That's nothing. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
On Saturday, he made us hit an iceberg! | 0:10:05 | 0:10:09 | |
An iceberg lettuce, that is! | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
Mash it up good! | 0:10:11 | 0:10:12 | |
Can't stand a chunky salad. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:15 | |
Ha! You think that's bad? | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
On Sunday, he came to me with a massive diva demand. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:22 | |
Huh?! | 0:10:22 | 0:10:23 | |
Wilf! | 0:10:23 | 0:10:24 | |
Dress up as Beyonce. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
Oh, very well. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
FABRIC CREAKS Ooh! Ah! | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
ELASTIC TWANGS | 0:10:31 | 0:10:32 | |
# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. # | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
That's terrible! | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
I know. He never put a ring on it. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
One day, Wilfred. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
One day. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:49 | |
This can't go on. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
We've got to talk to the admiral in the only language he understands! | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
HE SPEAKS ITALIAN | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
That's lovely, but I don't speak Italian. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
In that case, we're staging a mutiny! | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
CHEERING | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
From now on, we are the masters and you are the servant. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:15 | |
Mamma Mia! | 0:11:15 | 0:11:16 | |
'As the crew took over the ship, | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
'I was certain it wouldn't go to their heads.' | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
THEY ALL LAUGH | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
What a wonderful party to celebrate the fact | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
that this has definitely gone to our heads. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:11:32 | 0:11:33 | |
Indeed! Now, where's that boy with my chunky salad? | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
Ugh. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:37 | |
I'm here, your worshipful majesty. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:41 | |
What would you like me to do next? | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
Er, clean the poop deck! | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
HE GASPS | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
Actually, this isn't so bad. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
I wonder why they call it the poop deck. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
-GULL CRIES -Hm? | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
Argh! Oh... | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
CHATTER AND LAUGHTER | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
Ooh, seedless! | 0:11:58 | 0:11:59 | |
Anything else? | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
Yes. Clean all of our filthy underpants. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
HE GASPS | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
HE WHISTLES | 0:12:08 | 0:12:10 | |
Actually, this isn't so bad. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
GULL CRIES | 0:12:12 | 0:12:13 | |
Oh... | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
Whoa! | 0:12:16 | 0:12:17 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
HACKER PANTS | 0:12:19 | 0:12:22 | |
Please tell me there isn't anything else! | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
I'm afraid there is. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:26 | |
Go to the mess deck and clean the muck off everyone's shoes. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:30 | |
THEY ALL CHEER | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
Actually, this isn't so bad! | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
There's only Wifty Bob. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
Salty Margret, Tall Alan. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
And... Who are you? | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
Eric The Millipede. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
I want all 1,000 shoes cleaning. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
I can't take any more of this! | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
Listen here, you lot. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:57 | |
I'm staging my own mutiny. | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
-What did he say? -I don't know! | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
I don't speak Italian. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
From now on, I'm your master. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
And you are my servants! | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
Just like before. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:12 | |
Well, that's resolved everything very neatly. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
I'm afraid it hasn't. Look, we're about to hit an iceberg! | 0:13:15 | 0:13:19 | |
THEY GASP | 0:13:19 | 0:13:20 | |
Don't be ridiculous. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:21 | |
That's clearly a Romaine lettuce! | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
GULL CRIES | 0:13:31 | 0:13:32 | |
Guh! Oh... | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
Well, that was ridiculous! | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
However, I do recall the time I took over a ship. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:48 | |
-Oh, really, Father? -Oh, yes. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
It had been docked for many a year and I grew furiously upon its hull. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:55 | |
Isn't that a place in Yorkshire? | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
You're watching Hacker Time, | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
sponsored by I Can't Believe It's Not Not Glam! | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
Everyone's favourite Not Glam substitute. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:03 | |
One day, Herman. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:06 | |
You're going to be the star of this show, matey! | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
Oh-ho! Herman, Herman! | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
I'm glad I've caught you. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:13 | |
I'm finally going to give you the chance to shine... | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
HERMAN GASPS | 0:14:16 | 0:14:17 | |
..this antique horse brass. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
Oh. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:20 | |
But Herman, I do want everyone to see your face... | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
HERMAN GASPS | 0:14:24 | 0:14:25 | |
-..in it! So make sure you buff it up nicely! -Oh! | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
Actually, Herman I've decided to give you the star dressing room... | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
HERMAN GASPS | 0:14:31 | 0:14:32 | |
..to clean! | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
I don't know what Hacker's been up to in there, | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
-but it smells of gibbon and ingratitude. -Please, Mr Derek. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:39 | |
Is there any chance I can take the next step to get on the TV? | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
Of course! That's exactly what I had in mind. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:46 | |
I want you to take the next step on this ladder and get on that TV. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:49 | |
The ceiling needs dusting! | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
Goodbye! | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
One day, Herman. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
Everyone's going to know your name. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
Thank you, Sharon! | 0:14:57 | 0:14:58 | |
Close enough. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:01 | |
Coming back to studio in three, two, one. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:06 | |
And cue! | 0:15:06 | 0:15:07 | |
Kimberly Wyatt, you appear on Taking The Next Step. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:11 | |
But what makes the perfect Next Step character? | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
Well, I would say passion for dance is a big one. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:18 | |
Loads of personality is always a plus. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
Well, I think I've got exactly what it takes to be on that show. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
And I shall demonstrate my powers by the gift of song! | 0:15:23 | 0:15:28 | |
'80S POWER BALLAD | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
# I want to practise my dance moves | 0:15:35 | 0:15:39 | |
# In a studio made of exposed brick | 0:15:39 | 0:15:43 | |
# Wear a synthetic vest | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
# Kick my legs up like West | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
# On a white backdrop I'll spin till I'm sick... # | 0:15:48 | 0:15:51 | |
Blarrghh! | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
# The only problem is I can't dance to save my life | 0:15:53 | 0:15:57 | |
# But I add dramatic tension, causing misery and strive | 0:15:57 | 0:16:02 | |
# I've got my legwarmers and glossy hair | 0:16:02 | 0:16:06 | |
# I'll talk to several cameras sitting in a canvas chair | 0:16:06 | 0:16:11 | |
# Cause trivial dramas by being very mean | 0:16:11 | 0:16:15 | |
# Exhibiting the angst of a self-absorbed teen | 0:16:15 | 0:16:20 | |
# I'll tell the home viewers things they've only just seen | 0:16:20 | 0:16:25 | |
# And that's the basic formula of The Next Step | 0:16:25 | 0:16:31 | |
# Ooh! # | 0:16:31 | 0:16:33 | |
Yeah, what do you think of that, cocker? | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
Well, you put a load of heart and soul into it, didn't you? | 0:16:35 | 0:16:38 | |
I sure did! | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
-BELL -Oh, that's lunch! | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
-Are you hungry, Kimberly? -Starving! | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
That's a shame, cos you're not getting any! | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
See ya! | 0:16:47 | 0:16:48 | |
# La-la-la, foodstuffs. # | 0:16:48 | 0:16:49 | |
Come on. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:51 | |
Ooohh! | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
STUDIO POWERS DOWN | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
Hello? | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
Oh. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:00 | |
At least I've got Stuart. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:01 | |
-Wilfred? -Yes? -I've made some changes. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:11 | |
We're saving time by abbreviating everything on the menu. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:15 | |
From now on, orange juice will be OJ. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
Pie and mash will be PAM. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
Etc, etc, etc. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
Well, I'm sure this won't cause any humorous misunderstanding. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:28 | |
Oh, here comes a customer! | 0:17:28 | 0:17:29 | |
I'll have the BLT, please! | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
-Here you go. -But that's got no bacon in it. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
I know, but the B stands for bread. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
But there's no lettuce or tomato, either! | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
Yes. BLT stands for bread, lacking things. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
If I only wanted bread, I'd have just asked for B! | 0:17:43 | 0:17:47 | |
But that's bacon! | 0:17:47 | 0:17:48 | |
Well, in that case, I'll have a P. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
-Certainly, the facilities are round the back. -No, P! | 0:17:50 | 0:17:53 | |
-A pasty! -You can't go in that, you disgusting brute. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
-Eh? -I said, you can't go in that, you disgusting brute! | 0:17:56 | 0:18:00 | |
No, A. I want an apple. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
-Why? -Because I'm hungry! | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
No, Y, the letter Y. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
Do you want a yoghurt to go with it? | 0:18:06 | 0:18:07 | |
Forget all that! | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
You are a cutie. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
Oh, well, thank you very much. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
No! U-R-A-Q-T! | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
I will have the Ukrainian-reared, albino quail terrine! | 0:18:18 | 0:18:22 | |
Good choice, yeah. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:23 | |
It's been handmade by my hideous wife here. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:26 | |
Actually, scrap everything. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
I'll just have a T, with milk and sugar. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
Fair enough. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:32 | |
One trout, coming up. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
Here's your milk. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
And... | 0:18:36 | 0:18:37 | |
your sugar. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
What do you think you're doing?! | 0:18:40 | 0:18:41 | |
I wanted semi-skimmed. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:44 | |
I-F-U-T-V. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
What? | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
I'll fire up the van. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
Oh, Wilf. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
ALARM | 0:18:53 | 0:18:54 | |
And now, we present a new talent show format. | 0:18:56 | 0:19:00 | |
It's... | 0:19:00 | 0:19:01 | |
Right, Hacker, good luck. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
Get in there and do something | 0:19:06 | 0:19:08 | |
that people are going to remember for a long time. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:10 | |
-Off you go. -Very well! | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
LONG FARTS | 0:19:13 | 0:19:15 | |
FLUSHING | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
-Phew! -All done? Brilliant. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
-Off you go and audition. -Will do. -Good luck. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
Can I have your name? | 0:19:24 | 0:19:25 | |
-No, get your own! -BADUM-TISH! | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
What's brought you here today? | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
The number 76 bus. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:30 | |
I'm looking for someone with a unique, distinct style. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:36 | |
Well, I've got one, look. Here it is. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
I nicked it from a country walk I went on! | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
-Good gag, innit? -What about inspiration? | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
Who do you look up to the most? | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
Well, I'm always looking up to Big Long Susan here. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
It's a shame I don't respect her, though, in't it? | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
I'm sorry, I really don't think you have what it takes | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
-to get to the top. -I do! | 0:19:53 | 0:19:55 | |
I've got this climbing helmet and these crampons, look. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:59 | |
I'll be up by Susan's ears within five days. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
What about ambition? | 0:20:02 | 0:20:03 | |
Where do you see yourself in five years' time? | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
-In this mirror, in five years' time. -BADUM-TISH! | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
This is serious! | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
Do you really think you have global appeal? | 0:20:11 | 0:20:13 | |
Yes! I'm nearly at the outer core, look. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:16 | |
I'm peeling a globe! | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
Hacker, I need someone with technical ability. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
So, let's see you in action. Off you go. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:23 | |
All right... | 0:20:23 | 0:20:24 | |
No, come back! | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
-I meant start performing. -Oh, right. -Off you go. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
Come back! | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
Off you go. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:33 | |
Come back! | 0:20:33 | 0:20:34 | |
Off you go. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:37 | |
Come back! | 0:20:37 | 0:20:38 | |
That does it. There is nothing you can do to win this contest. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:43 | |
Oh, really? You haven't heard my tragic back story yet, have you? | 0:20:43 | 0:20:48 | |
You see, | 0:20:49 | 0:20:52 | |
before I came here, I mislaid me pen. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
Oh, it wasn't just any pen! | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
It was a spring-activated, multicolour ballpoint! | 0:20:57 | 0:21:01 | |
I've done so much with that little fella! | 0:21:01 | 0:21:03 | |
Shopping lists, crossword puzzles, anonymous notes to Herman. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:08 | |
I knew it! | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
And now it's gone! | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
So put me through! | 0:21:12 | 0:21:13 | |
But don't do it for me. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:15 | |
Do it for my beloved writing implement. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:18 | |
And all his inky brothers. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
Waaahhh! | 0:21:20 | 0:21:22 | |
It worked! My story's really touched you, hasn't it? | 0:21:23 | 0:21:27 | |
Oh, I wasn't crying at that. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:28 | |
I got bored during your story | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
and started chopping this onion for my casserole. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:34 | |
What have you done to Stuart? | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
However, I do think you're ready to take the next step. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
Hurrah! | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Bap-bap-bowaaah! | 0:21:41 | 0:21:42 | |
The next step into that off-screen piranha tank! | 0:21:42 | 0:21:46 | |
Well, I can't see any problem with that. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
See you! | 0:21:48 | 0:21:49 | |
# La-la-la... # | 0:21:49 | 0:21:50 | |
Aargh! | 0:21:50 | 0:21:51 | |
-TEETH GNASH -Ooh, no...! | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
Oh, my everything! No! | 0:21:53 | 0:21:55 | |
Oh, there's me pen, look. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
Do you have a talent, Father? | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
I did. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:00 | |
-But I left it on a tram in the late 1960s. -Oh. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:04 | |
If you're a fan of high-quality singing, | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
look away now and close those ears! | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
It's time for Lost & Found! | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
(& Lost Again). | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
These celebrities have such great lives. | 0:22:21 | 0:22:24 | |
-How do you mean? -Well, look. | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
They get to hang around with other celebrities | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
and take photos of themselves! | 0:22:28 | 0:22:29 | |
Well, you can take photos, too. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
You've got a camera phone. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
It's not the same, is it? | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
I've just got you and the other non-famous schmoes in this place. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:39 | |
But one day... | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
One day... | 0:22:41 | 0:22:43 | |
# I want the world to know me | 0:22:43 | 0:22:46 | |
# Fame is what I seek | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
# But most of all, I want to be... | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
# BFFs with VIPs | 0:22:52 | 0:22:55 | |
# Do the cha-cha with Lady Gaga Pull a sleigh with Beyonce | 0:22:55 | 0:22:57 | |
# Stroke a lamb with will.I.am Eat steak with Justin Timberlake | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
# Peel a cherry with Mary Berry Then she and Katy Perry can | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
# Bake me a cake | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
# Drive to Peckham with David Beckham | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
# Ride a lift with Taylor Swift Poke amoebas with Justin Bieber | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
# Then teach him about continental drift... # | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
I've heard he's really into geography. And it rhymes. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
# And also, I want to clean my toe with | 0:23:14 | 0:23:20 | |
# Cristiano Ronaldo | 0:23:20 | 0:23:25 | |
-# BFFs -Best friends forever | 0:23:25 | 0:23:28 | |
-# With VIPs -Very important people | 0:23:28 | 0:23:31 | |
# That is all I | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
# Really, really, really | 0:23:34 | 0:23:38 | |
# Seek. # | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
Seek and you shall find. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:44 | |
Look, it's all well and good wanting to know famous people, | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
but don't you just want to sing? | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
No way! You'd never catch me singing. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
# La-la-la | 0:23:54 | 0:23:56 | |
# I love to sing! # | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
# Ooh-ooh-oooooh... # | 0:24:00 | 0:24:02 | |
And now, we come to the climax of the show! | 0:24:03 | 0:24:07 | |
The quiz that we like to call... | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
# Beam My Guest | 0:24:09 | 0:24:12 | |
# Beam My Guest | 0:24:12 | 0:24:16 | |
# Beam My Guest! | 0:24:16 | 0:24:19 | |
# Beam! # | 0:24:19 | 0:24:20 | |
Guest! Beam! My, yes! | 0:24:20 | 0:24:22 | |
Kimberly Reginald Wyatt, | 0:24:22 | 0:24:24 | |
how much do you want to go home? | 0:24:24 | 0:24:27 | |
-I would really like to go home! -Right, now's your chance, cocker. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
You're standing in my teleporter, | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
which I got from a disreputable retail park. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:35 | |
I'm going to ask you a series of questions. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
Get enough answers right, and you'll be beamed back home. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:40 | |
Fail miserably, however, and you'll go somewhere horrendous. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
How does that sound? | 0:24:43 | 0:24:44 | |
Oh, it sounds fantastic(!) | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
Yeah. Well, the time will end when you hear this sound. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:49 | |
Where's my protein shake? | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
-Are you ready? -I'm ready! | 0:24:52 | 0:24:54 | |
In that case, start the clock! | 0:24:54 | 0:24:57 | |
Name three characters from The Next Step. | 0:24:57 | 0:25:00 | |
Riley, Eldon and Emily. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
No! | 0:25:02 | 0:25:03 | |
Three characters from The Next Step are T, N and X. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:06 | |
Oh, it's now time for a music round. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:09 | |
Here's me old chum, and favourite custard eating champion, | 0:25:09 | 0:25:12 | |
Accordion George! Bring him in! | 0:25:12 | 0:25:15 | |
# It's Accordion George | 0:25:15 | 0:25:17 | |
# It's Accordion George... # | 0:25:17 | 0:25:18 | |
He likes custard! | 0:25:18 | 0:25:20 | |
# It's Accordion George | 0:25:20 | 0:25:21 | |
# Acky G | 0:25:21 | 0:25:23 | |
# AG, AG, AG! # | 0:25:23 | 0:25:24 | |
George will play a well-known tune on his acc, | 0:25:24 | 0:25:27 | |
and you've got to guess what it is. | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
Take it away, Acky G! | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
JAUNTY TUNE | 0:25:32 | 0:25:35 | |
What do you think it was, Kimbo? | 0:25:48 | 0:25:49 | |
Janet Jackson. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
Janet Jackson? | 0:25:51 | 0:25:52 | |
Well, I presume it isn't correct. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
But let's find out if you're right or not. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
# I said, "You're holding back" | 0:25:56 | 0:25:58 | |
# She said, "Shut up and dance..." # | 0:25:58 | 0:26:01 | |
It was Shut Up And Dance by Walk The Moon. | 0:26:01 | 0:26:03 | |
Acky G, you should have rehearsed that at lunchtime | 0:26:03 | 0:26:06 | |
instead of eating all that custard. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:07 | |
I told you about it, didn't I? | 0:26:07 | 0:26:08 | |
It went all over your bag. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
Take him away! Off you pop. | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
Mind your shin, will you, on the way round? | 0:26:12 | 0:26:14 | |
Oh, he caught his elbow, never mind. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:16 | |
It's the picture around now. | 0:26:16 | 0:26:17 | |
We've disguised one of your Taking The Next Step colleagues. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:20 | |
But who is it? | 0:26:20 | 0:26:22 | |
John Partridge! | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
No! It's Barbara Chickenhead, who works in the production office. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:28 | |
Obvs! | 0:26:28 | 0:26:29 | |
Where's my protein shake? | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
Oh! Time's up! | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
How did she do, cocker? | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
That actually stands for "Oooh!", | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
which means you're going home, Kimberly! | 0:26:39 | 0:26:42 | |
-What do you think about that, cockle? -Yes! | 0:26:42 | 0:26:44 | |
It's now time to Beam My Guest. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:47 | |
Oh, Herman! | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
Make sure you don't accidentally send her to another dimension! | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
Don't worry, Mr Hacker! | 0:26:52 | 0:26:54 | |
No, no, no, no! | 0:26:57 | 0:26:58 | |
I don't want to go to another dimension! | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
Don't send me! No, I just want to go home! | 0:27:00 | 0:27:03 | |
Oh, I'm sure she's fine. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
That's almost it for today. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:11 | |
I'm off to pick the lint out of me tumble dryer filter. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:14 | |
But first, I shall sing my lovely end song. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
Join in, cockers! | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
# That is it for now, the end of the show | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
# I need the lav-lav, so I'm going to go | 0:27:25 | 0:27:28 | |
# I'll see you next time on this show of mine | 0:27:28 | 0:27:30 | |
# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time | 0:27:30 | 0:27:33 | |
# It's been amazing, there's been joy, fun and laughter | 0:27:33 | 0:27:35 | |
# This could be the year we win our first Bafta | 0:27:35 | 0:27:37 | |
# Join again next time cos we've got much more | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
# There'll be tons of other funny stuff - it will be top drawer | 0:27:39 | 0:27:42 | |
# Kimberly Wyatt came along | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
# She's a dancer extraordinaire | 0:27:44 | 0:27:47 | |
# I told her my tragic back story | 0:27:47 | 0:27:49 | |
# And I got a spring onion lodged betwixt a set of portable stairs | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
# That is it for now, the end of the show | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
# I need the lav-lav, so I'm going to go | 0:27:54 | 0:27:56 | |
# I'll see you next time on this show of mine | 0:27:56 | 0:27:59 | |
# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time | 0:27:59 | 0:28:01 | |
# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time | 0:28:01 | 0:28:04 | |
# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! # | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
Stuart, come back here! | 0:28:09 | 0:28:11 | |
Stuart! | 0:28:11 | 0:28:12 |
