Episode 10 Hacker's Olympic Rundown

Welcome to my right good Olympics show.

Horse disqualified from showjumping after organisers

Woman competes in world's easiest race.

"I'm the only one here, do you see?"

Chinese gymnasts forced to improvise after

mislaying skipping rope. Wheeeeee!

And world's worst-located school crossing found

brothers Alistair and Jonny Brownlee won gold and silver

It all started with a surprise in the water...

And interesting triangle faces the swimmers...

And I'm pleased to say the interesting triangle joins us now.

I'm actually a tractor disguised as a triangle.

Next, the triathletes got on their bikes.

But did anyone notice they were going the wrong way?

And I'm sure somebody was cheating at the front...

By the end of the cycle, the brothers were doing really well.

But a piece of timing equipment had just edged ahead of them...

COMMENTATOR: The clock has started running...

But did anyone else think he was a bit light-fingered along the way?

I can use it as a towel. It is a towel.

And to top it all off, this happened...

COMMENTATOR: Alistair Brownlee has taken the bell.

At least there's nothing he can nab from round here...

Anyway, Mark Chapman was presenting in the BBC studio last night.

And it turns out it's even bigger than I thought.

We're going to start with the men's triathalon,

which actually took place all around this studio here.

It was lucky the Brownlees won though, seeing as Mark had forked

out for two giant framed pictures of them.

The interview was very enlightening, but it was difficult

He knows I know that and I know that he knows that, so we know it.

I tell you what they don't know - who spoke first.

Now, I've been wondering for a while - what do you call

a man that looks a bit like a Scottish skirt?

Don't you hate it when a man walks up behind you and you think he's

going to be serious, but then he turns out not to be

Team GB have won bronze in the badminton...

Even after one player tried to bribe the umpire.

Anyway, there was something very special about the badminton medal...

This is a huge medal for badminton, which is crying out for attention.

Those huge medals are always doing that!

Next, time for my favourite uncertain question about

Erm, er, has anyone ever had a cheese kebab?

Don't tell anyone, but I've been playing a few pranks

First of all, I shortened the ropes at the gymnastics.

Then I wrote a rude word on Anthony Joshua's back.

For me it was like, this is the last fight I've got for many, many

months. I'm going to give it my best.

I'm off to eat this cheese kebab with my new friend -

the interesting triangle from earlier.