Episode 5 Hacker's Olympic Rundown

Sport! You all right, Cocker, cycling officials find out where I

last went lav-lav. Gymnast Simone Biles denies that Americans have bad

diets... ! John Inverdale asks James Cracknell if he would ever wear a

hideous pink shirt, just like his? I would say, realistically... There is

a slim chance. The big news from Rio, Team GB winning gold in the

cycling team sprint. COMMENTATOR: The Olympic champions again! STUDIO:

That reminds me, I just need to text Chris Hoy, don't you hate it when

people text you when you are on live television, thus making you look

unprofessional. It was an amazing... I don't think he had his mind on the

job last night, he even missed the trampolining event running on right

behind him! So much pressure, expectation to perform, as you said

Olympic champion. After rowing over a load of country specific carpets

in the sea, Katherine Grainger has become the most decorated female

Olympian in Britain, a blow for the previous most decorated Olympian,

who joins us now. Bad luck, Betty get back in the attic until

Christmas. That's the German team playing the worlds biggest invisible

piano. -- bad luck, better get back into the attic. My favourite most

obvious time-based reference... Night-time, at the stadium...

They few days ago, we showed you this woman doing an archaic police

impersonation on Copacabana beach. It has all been going on down there

since then, a new dance craze took off last night.

Then a man was seen working the world's heaviest dog... Come here,

you! Unfortunately, heavy dogs are not allowed on the beach, the police

got involved. Clare Balding had a right old night of it as well,

first, the massive spot on her face. Talking about Jason Kenney... Give

it a squeeze, love! And then... And then there is the continuing saga of

the patriotically live is an equipment... Towel! It has been

getting all of the attention lately. Last night, Clare try to win back

the limelight by donning the most television and friendly blouse

available. Look at it strong being, not a sensible television choice! At

least she was not undermined by somebody doing a lack lacklustre

Usain Bolt impersonation. Who doesn't realise that something like

that is going on behind them...! Anyway, watching the rugby sevens, I

thought, I recognise a couple of people in the crowd, but I'm not

sure where from... Still, no idea! You know what I like about John

Inverdale, he never changes his mind halfway through a sentence. The

whole country, not an exaggeration to say, 90% of the country, I

suppose, will be watching this match. It is no exaggeration to say

that that was the best clip we have ever shown... Well, I mean, it is

inexact duration... -- it is an exaggeration. Fencing next... (!)

very nice, what is next on the scripts? No, Hacker, it says

paddling, not piddling! All know, it has gone all over my country is this

thick carpets from earlier. David Florence and Richard Hounslow won

Silva, in the canoe slalom, great achievement, especially since David

fell in love with a green and white pole in the middle of the race. I

really don't know what he saw in it! You're the most beautiful green and

white striped pole I have ever seen! Fancy a bag of chips? CU, cockers,

we are off!