Episode 11 Hacker's Winter Olympic Rundown


Episode 11

In this final programme, Hacker offers his own take on the closing weekend of the 2018 Winter Olympics.


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Transcript


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Welcome to my final

Winter Olympic Rundown!

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Today's top stories...

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Mayor of Pyeongchang

washes imaginary windows.

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Curling crowd forced to sit

through whole series

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of Hacker's Winter Olympic Rundown.

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I can't bear it, it's awful, I can't

watch any more of this!

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And Paddy Geary buys

faulty world map.

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The big news is that Team GB have

had their most successful

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Winter Olympics ever!

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Billy Morgan won bronze

in the big air, bringing

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the medal total to five.

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Now, I know what you're thinking...

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We're going to do a load of trumping

gags, because it's "big air".

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Well, don't you think

we're better than that?

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Backside triple...

Its massive.

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He couldn't hold it. It was huge!

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It was huge!

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No...

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Turns out we're not

better than that.

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Jenny Jones was at the event.

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And I was surprised to see

that her hat now needs glasses.

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I can see really clearly now!

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I can see really clearly now!

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Hi, Hacker!

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Hi, the whole of the UK!

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How can I help you?

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Well, I really want to watch a jump,

but I don't know how!

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The whole of the UK just needs to

watch this jump through their eyes.

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through their eyes.

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What good advice!

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But, Hacker, I can't

watch it through my eyes.

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Someone's nicked my glasses!

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Who would do that?

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Who would do that?

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Don't worry.

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There must be another

way of watching it.

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The whole of the UK needs to watch

this jump through their fingers.

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This is much better!

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Thanks, Hacker!

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Bye!

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Right.

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It was nice to see snowboarder James

'Woodsy' Woods in the studio.

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Woodsy is here!

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But, hang on, what's

going on with all that

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backstage crew in shot?

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That makes me sick.

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Doesn't it make you sick,

my producer, Derek McGee?

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It certainly does, Hacker.

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Team GB missed out on a Bronze in

the telling this weekend and I'm not

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surprised because they stopped

halfway through to have a really

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disappointing dinner party!

Do you want a canape? Feel free,

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some of them warm comedy what a cold

one or a warm one?

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Even a bobsledder was feeling

hungry. Eat Britain! I hope he

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doesn't.

I hope he doesn't, he

thinks I'm part of the finger

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buffet.

Very good, now go away! Do

you ever get the feeling you're

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being followed?

He has not been able

to get out of the maroon shadow.

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You'd never catch me

being followed by a maroon shadow.

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This one's clearly burgundy!

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One of the highlights of the weekend

was the Closing Ceremony.

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It was full of dancing

painters and decorators,

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flying rainbow-trimmed envelopes

and the inevitable

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greased-up Tongan.

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And I never knew the Olympic

flame could speak French!

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Which brings me to my favourite

overreaction to the words

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'and now' of the day.

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And now...

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CHEERING

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Before I go, I do need to update

you on the tragic saga of the yellow

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carpet in the BBC studio.

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So far, lots of people

have stood on it,

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but Clare has refused to.

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I'd love to end the series

with some good news

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but, sadly, this weekend, Clare

shunned the yellow carpet yet again.

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Come on, stand on me just once! To

feel the underside of your shoes

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pressing against my spine!

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To feel the underside of your shoes

pressing against my spine!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Talking yellow carpet...

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What are we like?!

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Hang on..

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Hello?

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What?

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Now?

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All right, I'm on my way!

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Won't be a second, everyone.

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How do, what do you want to see me

for?

Hacker, we need to have a word,

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you have been making these terrible

puns at my expense. And whoever

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heard of talking props, a yellow

carpet cannot talk!

I can change,

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Clare, give me a chance.

We both

know you can't change, get out!

If

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that is the way you want it, I'm

going!

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Fancy a brew? Yellow carpet, I

thought you would never ask, thank

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you!

No!

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Well, that's it for the series.

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I'm sure you'll agree,

it's been pretty bad,

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and I'll probably never work again!

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So there's only one

thing left to say...

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Thank you, and bye-bye, Korea!

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Bye bye, my career!

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