Episode 11 Hacker's Winter Olympic Rundown
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Welcome to my final
Winter Olympic Rundown! | 0:00:15 | 0:00:19 | |
Today's top stories... | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
Mayor of Pyeongchang
washes imaginary windows. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:27 | |
Curling crowd forced to sit
through whole series | 0:00:27 | 0:00:29 | |
of Hacker's Winter Olympic Rundown. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:37 | |
I can't bear it, it's awful, I can't
watch any more of this! | 0:00:38 | 0:00:44 | |
And Paddy Geary buys
faulty world map. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
The big news is that Team GB have
had their most successful | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
Winter Olympics ever! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:50 | |
Billy Morgan won bronze
in the big air, bringing | 0:00:50 | 0:00:52 | |
the medal total to five. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:53 | |
Now, I know what you're thinking... | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
We're going to do a load of trumping
gags, because it's "big air". | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
Well, don't you think
we're better than that? | 0:00:59 | 0:01:04 | |
Backside triple...
Its massive. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:08 | |
He couldn't hold it. It was huge! | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
It was huge! | 0:01:10 | 0:01:11 | |
No... | 0:01:11 | 0:01:12 | |
Turns out we're not
better than that. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
Jenny Jones was at the event. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:15 | |
And I was surprised to see
that her hat now needs glasses. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:21 | |
I can see really clearly now! | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
I can see really clearly now! | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
Hi, Hacker! | 0:01:25 | 0:01:26 | |
Hi, the whole of the UK! | 0:01:26 | 0:01:27 | |
How can I help you? | 0:01:27 | 0:01:28 | |
Well, I really want to watch a jump,
but I don't know how! | 0:01:28 | 0:01:33 | |
The whole of the UK just needs to
watch this jump through their eyes. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:37 | |
through their eyes. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
What good advice! | 0:01:38 | 0:01:39 | |
But, Hacker, I can't
watch it through my eyes. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:42 | |
Someone's nicked my glasses! | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
Who would do that? | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
Who would do that? | 0:01:45 | 0:01:46 | |
Don't worry. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:47 | |
There must be another
way of watching it. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
The whole of the UK needs to watch
this jump through their fingers. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:57 | |
This is much better! | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
Thanks, Hacker! | 0:01:58 | 0:01:59 | |
Bye! | 0:01:59 | 0:02:00 | |
Right. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
It was nice to see snowboarder James
'Woodsy' Woods in the studio. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:07 | |
Woodsy is here! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
But, hang on, what's
going on with all that | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
backstage crew in shot? | 0:02:11 | 0:02:12 | |
That makes me sick. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:13 | |
Doesn't it make you sick,
my producer, Derek McGee? | 0:02:13 | 0:02:16 | |
It certainly does, Hacker. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:23 | |
Team GB missed out on a Bronze in
the telling this weekend and I'm not | 0:02:23 | 0:02:28 | |
surprised because they stopped
halfway through to have a really | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
disappointing dinner party!
Do you want a canape? Feel free, | 0:02:30 | 0:02:35 | |
some of them warm comedy what a cold
one or a warm one? | 0:02:35 | 0:02:39 | |
Even a bobsledder was feeling
hungry. Eat Britain! I hope he | 0:02:39 | 0:02:46 | |
doesn't. I hope he doesn't, he
thinks I'm part of the finger | 0:02:46 | 0:02:50 | |
buffet. Very good, now go away! Do
you ever get the feeling you're | 0:02:50 | 0:02:58 | |
being followed? He has not been able
to get out of the maroon shadow. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:05 | |
You'd never catch me
being followed by a maroon shadow. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
This one's clearly burgundy! | 0:03:07 | 0:03:08 | |
One of the highlights of the weekend
was the Closing Ceremony. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
It was full of dancing
painters and decorators, | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
flying rainbow-trimmed envelopes
and the inevitable | 0:03:13 | 0:03:14 | |
greased-up Tongan. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:19 | |
And I never knew the Olympic
flame could speak French! | 0:03:19 | 0:03:27 | |
Which brings me to my favourite
overreaction to the words | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
'and now' of the day. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:36 | |
And now... | 0:03:37 | 0:03:44 | |
CHEERING | 0:03:44 | 0:03:45 | |
Before I go, I do need to update
you on the tragic saga of the yellow | 0:03:45 | 0:03:50 | |
carpet in the BBC studio. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:50 | |
So far, lots of people
have stood on it, | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
but Clare has refused to. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
I'd love to end the series
with some good news | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
but, sadly, this weekend, Clare
shunned the yellow carpet yet again. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:06 | |
Come on, stand on me just once! To
feel the underside of your shoes | 0:04:06 | 0:04:12 | |
pressing against my spine! | 0:04:12 | 0:04:13 | |
To feel the underside of your shoes
pressing against my spine! | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:04:15 | 0:04:16 | |
Talking yellow carpet... | 0:04:16 | 0:04:17 | |
What are we like?! | 0:04:17 | 0:04:18 | |
Hang on.. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:19 | |
Hello? | 0:04:19 | 0:04:20 | |
What? | 0:04:20 | 0:04:21 | |
Now? | 0:04:21 | 0:04:22 | |
All right, I'm on my way! | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
Won't be a second, everyone. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:25 | |
How do, what do you want to see me
for? Hacker, we need to have a word, | 0:04:25 | 0:04:31 | |
you have been making these terrible
puns at my expense. And whoever | 0:04:31 | 0:04:35 | |
heard of talking props, a yellow
carpet cannot talk! I can change, | 0:04:35 | 0:04:41 | |
Clare, give me a chance. We both
know you can't change, get out! If | 0:04:41 | 0:04:45 | |
that is the way you want it, I'm
going! | 0:04:45 | 0:04:51 | |
Fancy a brew? Yellow carpet, I
thought you would never ask, thank | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
you! No! | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
Well, that's it for the series. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:56 | |
I'm sure you'll agree,
it's been pretty bad, | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
and I'll probably never work again! | 0:04:58 | 0:04:59 | |
So there's only one
thing left to say... | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
Thank you, and bye-bye, Korea! | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
Bye bye, my career! | 0:05:05 | 0:05:06 |
