Cannon Fodder Hetty Feather

-America - a new opportunity.

-A whole year's wage just for the passage?

Sounds like an ideal candidate for a new children's maid.

I understand Elizabeth is due to leave the hospital soon.

What? No, you can't!

I'm going to go to America.

You have to be brave to be rewarded.

If Harriet's in America, then that's where I'm going to be.

And how do you plan to do that? Stow away?

What a pretty pin.

Love token from the constable, by any chance?

She could lose her job because of him!

'It seems that every day when I wake up,

'I start thinking about the future -

'my future - and the big wide world.

'About getting out of here, the adventures I'll have...

'but then I think about the grown-ups.'

Feather, when was the last time you cleaned them boots?

Erm, I can't remember.

Exactly. Get them polished before class.

I want to see my face in them.

'Why would anyone want to see that face?

'I mean, what happened to it?

'She must have been a girl once.'

Quick, march!

Left, left, left, right, left.

Left, left, left, right, left,

and halt!

'So when does it happen that nothing's funny any more?'

For goodness' sake, what do you think you're doing?

-Boys, get up!

-'Not even that.'

Come along!

Girls, hurry up.

-'It seems even the best of us can turn into something horrid.'

-Now!

'Is that what growing up means? Forgetting the fun?

'And then I think, "When's that going to happen to me?"'

Oh, come on, they're regrouping!

-Who are?

-The enemy on the ridge.

Oh! Oh, sorry! Sorry.

I'll tell you now, I'll have no weaklings in my regiment.

Now, move it!

-Ugh!

-LAUGHTER

-Have you got it?

-Got what?

The weight, Gideon, the weight!

-Ow!

-Gideon, if this was a battle, you'd be dead or injured by now!

If this was a battle, he'd be hiding in his tent.

Yeah, all right, boys. All right. Gideon, let's try again.

Losing the battle, Mr Cranbourne?

Not to worry, it's the war that counts,

and I'm delighted to announce that reinforcements are at hand.

Most timely. Be my guest.

Boys, fall in.

We can but hope.

We have a lot of people coming here tomorrow to watch your...display.

I do not expect them to be disappointed.

I said, fall in!

Sheila, we can't part like this.

Oh, why not? Are you planning to visit me?

Of course, because we're friends.

I think when I'm matron I won't be entertaining nursery maids.

Elizabeth, you may be leaving tomorrow,

but while you're here, you work.

-Tomorrow?

-Elizabeth!

We have to do something about her - she'll turn into Macclesfield.

Well, she's heartbroken.

"Oh, Constable Clarke!"

Well, he can't exactly saunter in here

with a bunch of flowers, can he?

I don't know. We could get him in somehow.

If something went missing, like, say, Nurse Macclesfield's hat...

I'd like to know who stole her smile.

This should help with the roof, at least a little.

A drop in the ocean, I suppose.

A drop in the bucket.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in.

And a couple of society rags.

A lot of nonsense, but it's good to know who's who.

Oh, and who is likely to die and leave us a little something.

Exactly. Oh, there's a couple of old duffers coming tomorrow

you can use your inestimable charms on.

Oh, I could never compete with you, Colonel.

Teamwork, I believe, Matron.

-That's the ticket.

-Absolutely.

Something new to jolly up the walls?

Oh, it's just a minor donation -

a rather drab little thing, actually.

Frankly, I was uncertain where to hang it.

Well, in pride of place, I would say.

This is quite a collectable item.

I would wager amongst the most valuable of all

our decorative items.

Really? I would never have thought...

Well, it is signed and dated.

It'll look perfect in the governor's room.

Colonel, no, I shall have one of the staff...

No, no, no, no. I have fought for my country, Matron,

I can at least hang this minor masterpiece.

DOOR CLOSES

Come on! Faster! Move it!

We've got a lifetime of this to look forward to, getting shouted at.

Yeah, well, when we're not getting shot at.

Speak for yourselves.

I'll be in America making my fortune.

Gideon, I'll look out for you.

-We all will.

-Oh, right, the Army's your family now. Thanks(!)

What else have we got?

I think we needed bolts.

-Where are the bolts?

-Gideon?

You stupid idiot, you were supposed to bring them!

He forgot, that's all.

-Well, when we're at war and he forgets, I'll have him shot.

-Boys!

We can't fight them if we're fighting us.

You, what's your name?

It's Walter, sir.

Sergeant. I'm not a sir, all right?

You, get the bolts.

Move it!

THUD

Sergeant? What do we do now?

We're going to lunch, and that's what we'll do now.

Come along, quickly. Wash your hands.

-Sergeant?

-You see that?

Shaking like a frightened puppy.

Bet that's why they sent him home.

You do realise we're feeding this to people?

Come on, girls, hurry up.

It's for Mathias, to meet me tonight.

We can do better than that.

It doesn't have to be poetry.

Yes, it does.

There you are.

These trays need taking up, and no nibbling.

-WHISPERING:

-Ned!

Hetty, please, come on.

Can you take this to Mathias?

-Yeah, of course.

-Tonight. Tell him to hurry.

It says that in the letter.

Well, tell him anyway.

Hetty, Harriet, the table will not set itself.

She's getting worse.

-We need to save her.

-Mm-hmm.

-Now.

-What? You mean...?

Hetty!

DOOR CLOSES

We can't just steal a hospital painting.

We're not stealing it. We're hiding it.

Hetty...

They'll think it's stolen, and call the constable,

and all we have to do is get him and Nurse Winterson together.

-How?

-I don't know. Somehow.

And where do we hide that?

I'm sure we'll think of somewhere.

And how do we get it back here if everyone's looking for it?

You haven't thought this through, have you, Hetty?

No.

White lilies and some roses.

The chapel must look its best for our visitors.

Very well, Matron.

I shall be out this afternoon, so Cranbourne will be in charge

in case of emergency.

Lord help us.

From Harriet.

Good. Now I want you to dismantle it,

and remember, work as a team.

You, boy, with me.

I've seen you. You stood up for your friends.

That's brave.

It's good, but you've got to learn to pick your battles.

Don't just square up to the bully.

They'll come unstuck in their own sweet time - they always do.

What were they saying about me?

Well?

You want to join the army? I'm the senior rank.

If I ask you a question, you answer it.

They say you're not a real soldier -

you just teach because you got frightened and ran home.

What do you think?

Shrapnel.

Nearly lost my head.

They patched me up and sent me back, but I couldn't fight any more.

The sound of a shot, and I shake like a leaf.

The colonel brought me back, but I didn't run.

It's not all drums and pipers, lad.

If you want to survive out there, you need to keep this down.

Understood?

Yes, sir. I mean, Sergeant. Sorry.

All right. Off you go.

Hey, lad.

Walter!

Son!

We have had a theft - a valuable painting stolen.

I shall organise a search.

We don't need a search!

What would a child do with a painting?

Sell it at auction? Hang it above their bed?

What are you doing idling about?

Sorry, Matron.

Perhaps we could send for the constable?

Obviously. Do it now.

-Yes, Matron.

-And I thought you were decorating the chapel?

Yes, Matron.

It wasn't easy to find you.

After your mother died, they wouldn't speak to me.

They didn't even tell me about you.

How did she die?

I'm sorry, in childbirth.

Me?

-Yes, but it wasn't...

-You're not my father. I've never had a father.

You've got a whole family.

This is my family. I don't know you.

Sir, why's Constable Clarke here? Has something happened?

Apparently a painting's been stolen from the governor's office.

I bet I can solve it before he can.

Ow! Sir, my thumb!

Go and get it seen to, quickly.

Policing's not all about wrestling ruffians.

It's about this, too. It's all about the clues, the details...

Especially with people.

If you can read the body, you can see the soul.

Really? That is quite an art!

It's just method, Nurse Macclesfield.

Twitch of an eye, and the hands -

the hands give it all away.

Ah, and who do we have here? Hetty Feather, I believe?

Why aren't you doing chores?

Well, I just wanted to tell the constable that I heard

some strange noises coming from the chapel last night.

I thought perhaps some wild animals or pirates,

or a band of brigands hanging out?

-Brigands aren't normally drawn to chapels.

-No.

Not unless they're stealing something.

I'll take a look.

Will you be safe?

I'll call if I need help.

I've been called in to solve a crime.

Someone said there were brigands in here.

I think you'll find the flowers are innocent enough.

So, I won't keep you from your duties.

I shall not trouble you again,

and I'm sorry for my foolishness.

I'd always thought myself adept at reading the ways of people,

and their hearts.

I was wrong.

The fool was me,

and you were not wrong.

Oi! Where are you going?

Come on, lad, speak to me.

I know who stole the painting.

It's not a crime to hold hands.

I should know.

But it's enough to lose me my job.

Then I shall look after you.

-On your pay?

-You could work.

Without a reference, disgraced, as you would be?

We shall both end up in the workhouse.

You must go.

But you will see me again, yes?

I will.

SHE GASPS

Till then.

You've got to talk to him.

Walter!

Good work, lad.

You'll be a credit to your regiment.

Not me. I'll be in America.

-You've got a patron?

-No, but I'll earn the money.

Then you have a trade, a skill?

I'll learn something.

And who's going to pay for your apprenticeship?

It's the army for you, lad.

Sir, Sergeant...

Pa.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-Matron?

-What?

What is it?

We have the culprit.

Your grandfather on your mother's side, he's a brigadier.

And on yours?

Nothing to brag about,

except an honest man who gave his son the best chance he could.

I was a groom in the stables, and your mother...

Well, we fell in love.

When the brigadier found out, he didn't give me a lot of choice.

So you just left her, to join the army?

To protect her,

until I heard that she died,

and I had nothing left.

Then I heard about you, and I came looking.

So, what now? What am I supposed to do?

You have a father now, and I have a son.

I lost you once. I don't want to lose you again.

Where is it?

-I beg your pardon?

-You know what I'm talking about.

-The painting.

-You're under arrest, sir. Turn around.

What for?

Your footprints and your dirty, greasy fingers

were all over the room.

Matron, I consider myself a reasonably good judge of character.

If I need your judgment, Mr Cranbourne, I shall ask for it.

Come.

Come along, boys. In we go.

-HE SIGHS

-Just what I thought.

Never trust a coward.

Walter.

Sheila, you would have done the same. They're good people.

It's still service,

and in a few years, when you're curtsying to your good people,

I'll be a nurse, or even a matron.

Really? Is that what you think?

They don't pick foundlings for nurses, never mind matron.

Matron, I was wondering how I could go about training to be a nurse,

-or perhaps even...

-You, a nurse?

That's ridiculous.

Unless you want a lifetime of disappointment,

I suggest you keep your ambitions realistic.

But what if I helped with something?

-MATRON SIGHS

-Like the stolen painting.

Well, that's done with. What do you know about it?

It's just...

It doesn't matter.

Sorry.

We can't just let an innocent man go to jail.

If we tell Matron, she'll have us in detention for the rest of our lives.

You go and see Mathias - I'll put the painting back.

Good luck.

I'll cover for you.

Harriet?

The tower?

I'm not going.

At least you've got a father, and you know who he is.

A thief.

Do you believe that?

I don't know.

What have I got? I'm...nobody.

Just there to take the first line of fire.

I'll fall in the mud,

and then there'll be no-one who'll give me another thought.

Mathias?

I never want to speak to him again.

There must be a reason.

What does it matter anyway?

Matron will have us in jail.

Or hanged as thieves.

Are you talking about the painting?

Don't worry, it's been sorted.

Sorted? What do you mean?

I mean sorted.

Dragged off like a common thief!

The Sergeant is among the most decent and upright men

-I've ever met!

-A thief nonetheless.

You got the measure of him. Well, a thief, would you say?

He has the bearing of an honourable man.

However, the evidence...

His footprints all over this room,

his handprints on the door, the painting gone...

What painting, exactly?

Well, that drab little thing, Colonel. The one on the...

..mantelpiece.

Quick, march. Left!

I must confess, Sergeant, I doubted you, but only for a moment.

A moment, sir, is all it takes to hang a man, Mr Cranbourne.

I suppose you've learned that what's obvious isn't always true.

See? You must listen and learn, Mr Cranbourne.

-Charlie?

-Thank you.

I've heard that in America, all folk are equal.

How do they manage without lords and leaders to grovel over?

But it's so far away.

Being far away from here is its principal virtue.

Matron, I have studied my wealth, little as it is,

but there are a few things inherited -

ornaments I could sell.

If your plans for leaving were to advance,

and there was space for one more...

Its other virtue, Mabel, is, I believe, space.

-I must thank you.

-For what?

Saving me from Matron.

I didn't do it for you.

I did it to her.

I'm not surprised she hasn't got any friends left.

Well, she's only got herself to blame.

Have you seen Mathias?

I think he's getting something from the yard.

Where were you last night?

Mathias?

What's the point?

You're going away, aren't you?

And then what, you'll wait for me?

-Forever.

-Yeah, it will be.

I'm an army boy now.

So, you live your life, meet someone,

and raise a family.

Don't give up on me, Mathias Grigg.

We'll find a way, somehow,

but we have to believe it.

Until then.

Elizabeth!

Now I have no-one.

Silly, you've always got me.

You'll forget about me.

How could I?

Sheila, you find a way out, and then find me.

Promise?

Don't worry, lad.

You were wrong, but that doesn't mean to say you weren't smart.

The army needs the likes of you.

I can't even lift a wheel.

But you can use your head, and that's what a commander needs.

I reckon I'll be saluting you one day.

I was brave.

Always first over the hill,

because I didn't think I had anything to live for.

I have now - a family, if you'll count me as such.

Proudly.

I'll be brave, but I'll be back,

because now I'm not just a nobody any more.

Boys, Sergeant Palmer has taught you well.

Let's do him proud.

To your posts.

Still, the look on Matron's face...

Come on, boys! Up and over!

Come on, come on! Up and over now! Up and over!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Oh, well done!

'It seems we can get cranky even before we grow up,

'so how do we remember the fun?

'I don't know, but if I ever turn into Matron, or Macclesfield,

'or any of those old grumps, tickle me.

'Play a prank on me, anything,

'and keep doing it till I laugh again.'

Mr Cranbourne is suggesting we take one of you on as a servant.

Hetty Feather, sir. A pleasure to make your acquaintance.

-I love you.

-Oh.

I will give you this book, but on one condition -

you will get me on the next available ship to New York.

YELLING AND GROANING

Do you think Gideon's in trouble?

-He'll be all right. I think he's quite handsome.

-Sheila!

I'm not sure that any of you belong in the Queen's own artillery!

You do know it's not just Mathias I'm going to miss.

I don't even want to think about it.