Episode 11 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You'd better turn off, this show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories: Gory Games

# Horrible Histories: Gory...Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games with me, Dave Lamb.

And me, Rattus Rattus, and are WEEEE happy to see you?!

I said you couldn't last a minute without saying something rude.

What are you talking about?

You just said "WEEEE"!

Dave, honestly, do you have to be so rude? I said "we".

Yeah, well, that's not quite how you said it, is it?

-You went "WEEEEE"!

-There you go again.

Oh, I do apologise, viewers. He just can't help himself!

OK, let's just get on and meet our Horrible Historians, shall we?

Hello, I'm Samuel from London.

Hello, Samuel.

Hi, I'm Leah from Lancashire.

You're very welcome, Leah.

Hi, I'm Rohan from London.

Hello, Rohan from London!

Welcome, everyone.

And you can play along at home using the Gory Games app.

If you haven't got it yet, check it out on the CBBC website.

OK, that lot are playing to win Year Spheres.

Yes, and at the end of the show, the person with the highest year score

will win a prize that I fished out of the sewer.

And let me tell you, it is a brilliant prize.

If, and only if, you're a stinking rodent.

Let's just crack on with the first round.

What's it about? It's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Frightful First World War.

So four questions on World War I coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere,

and your four World War I topics are...

Rohan, it's your turn to pick first. What would you like?

Um, can I have pilots, please?

Your question is...

Let's see those answers now, please.

OK, Rohan has gone for C,

Leah and Sam have both gone for B.

What's the answer, please?

The answer is...

Well done, Rohan, the first eyeball is awarded.

Leah, it's your turn to pick a category.

Um, can we have Pianos, please?

In 1915, why did one Londoner throw his piano out of the window?

Was it because...

Ooh, that's a tricky one! What do you think? Is it A, B or C?

Rohan's gone for A, Leah and Sam agreeing again - this time on B.

What's the answer, please?

The answer is B, he threw the piano out of the window

because it was a German piano.

That's right, the Germans were the enemy

and the owner trashed the piano because he wanted to be patriotic.

First brain, first skull, we're all off the mark.

-Sam, what category do you want?

-Can I have Farmhouse, please?

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

Irish soldier Patrick Fowler was caught in a farmhouse

behind enemy lines and spent most of World War I hiding in a what?

Was it A, a wardrobe, B, a toilet, or C, a coal bunker?

Let's see those answers now, please.

A total spread there.

Rattus, who's right?

Well, the answer's A, a wardrobe, so Sam's right!

Some Germans moved into the farmhouse

so he had to hide in a wardrobe.

There can't have been much room in there,

what with the lion and the witch in the wardrobe.

I do the funnies, Dave.

So it would seem.

Well done, Sam, that's another point for you.

You go into the lead with one question left in this round.

It's a question on Regent's Park, and this is what it is.

During World War I, a massive building was put up

in Regent's Park, said to be the largest wooden structure

in the world, but what was it for?

What do you think? Is it A, B or C?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Rohan and Leah have agreed on B,

Sam is on his own this time on A.

What's the answer, please?

The answer is B, it was for sorting post.

12 and a half million letters were sent to the trenches every week.

E-mail would've been so much easier.

Well, it's a three-way tie at the end of the round,

and that means it's a tie-break situation.

Beginning with the letter F, what was the name of the game

that the British and German soldiers played in no-man's-land

on the Christmas Day truce of 1914?

Sam.

-Football.

-Football is absolutely right, Sam.

You won the quiz, which means it's time for you to choose a Year Sphere

and it's time for me to say, "All hail the potty pyramid."

Sam, help yourself to a Year Sphere,

but choose carefully, because the AD dates will be added

but the BC dates will be subtracted from your total score.

So winning the World War I quiz means that Sam is

automatically through to play the World War I game,

but will he be alone, or will everyone else get to play?

Let's find out, shall we?

It's a single-player silly game.

So, Sam, off down the Time Sewer on your own.

Oh, it reeks!

Yes, it's the First World War and the skies are full of German planes.

It's time to play...

You are a British pilot trying to bring down the mighty Red Baron.

To do that, you must load, aim and hit those enemy planes.

One point for every plane you hit,

two points if you get the Red Baron himself,

and you'll need a total of six points to win the Year Sphere.

So keep your eyes on the skies because battle begins now!

Here goes Sam, playing Flying Circus, and what lovely goggles.

First ball goes in. Let's see if he's got to grips with this

from the start... Oh, Rattus!

Oh! Straight away there!

What a start! Phenomenal start!

Let's see what he can do with this one.

Yeah, well, that one's fallen a bit short.

Of course, aircraft pilots in the First World War

didn't have much training,

and Sam's had three seconds of training at this,

so he really is doing extremely well.

Oh, the Red Baron!

The Baron's down!

You know what that means, Rattus,

two points, already halfway there!

He's got four out of six already,

he is on fire.

Very impressive.

Oh, and he's just missed that one.

There's Sam, look at him reloading.

He's doing very well here,

but after that fantastic start,

he's falling a little short.

Certainly is. All he's doing now

is knocking holes in the concrete cumulus nimbus.

Yeah, there's one fallen out the end

without him firing it,

and I think he's getting

a little bit tired here, Rattus.

Oh!

He just missed the Red Baron there, that could have won him the game!

Oh! He's winged one.

He hit it, but it didn't go down.

Made of stern stuff, that one.

30 seconds remaining.

Oh, he's got another one!

One more required.

-Can he get it?

-Pigeon!

Now the pigeon has got involved,

and that can't be helping at all.

Look at that pigeon risking its life there in its little harness.

Oh, and I think it's put Sam off

cos he's dropped the ball.

Oh, and another one escapes him!

There's some turbulence up there at the moment.

Oh, he's done it!

With seconds to spare, he has done it!

I hate you, pigeon.

And he's having a pop at the pigeon!

Go annoy someone else.

Well, we've not seen that before! Brilliant!

Welcome back, Sam, well played.

Very good, very good piloting.

Well, that was a tremendous performance.

How did you find that, Sam?

It was quite difficult, and that pigeon was so annoying.

Yeah, you are the first contestant ever to give the pigeon verbal.

Well done, Sam, congratulations.

Two Year Spheres already. It's time for Round Two.

To find out what's up next, it's back to the Gory Grid.

It's the Vicious Vikings.

Four questions again,

and your four all-important Viking topics are...

So, Leah, it's your turn to pick first this time.

Um, could I have Weddings, please?

True or false? At a Viking wedding, the bride and groom

would sacrifice a goat and drip the blood all over themselves.

Eurgh. Could that be true?

Show me now, please.

Well, everybody's gone for true.

Let's find out if they're all right.

It's...true!

Well played, everybody. That's a point apiece. Sam, what'll you have?

Er, could I have Fires, please?

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

True or false? At home, Vikings would burn human hair

in their fires to keep warm.

Vikings would burn human hair in their fires to keep warm.

Is that true or is that false?

Everybody has gone for false.

Rattus, what's the answer?

It is indeed false! They'd actually burn animal poo, yeah.

A point for everyone there in that round.

Well, well done, good answering. Rohan, your turn to pick a category.

Can I have Seals, please?

Rohan, that is a prop question.

Prop question, prop question, prop question, prop question.

Yeah, it's in the top cupboard, Dave.

Yeah, Rattus, like I'm going to fall for that one.

-No, it's in the top cupboard.

-Yeah, sure. Oh!

I told you, Dave, it's in the top cupboard.

I'm not listening to you, Rattus. Ow!

Would it help if I said, "Told you so"?

No, it wouldn't. Oh, good heavens. Oh, there is the prop.

That is a plate of seal blubber.

True or false? Vikings would eat seal fat.

What do you think? Is that true or false?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Rohan's gone for true, Leah and Sam have gone for false.

I can tell you that it is true.

The seal blubber was eaten in place of butter or used for frying.

So that's another eyeball for Rohan.

The final question in this round is on Laws, and this is what it is.

True or false? Viking women could claim land for themselves

if they fought and won an arm wrestle.

What do you think? Wow, everybody in total agreement.

What's the answer?

It's false. Of course it is.

But they could claim the land if they walked around it with a cow.

Well played, that's good points for everyone, and look at that,

at the end of the round, with a full house, Rohan,

you have won yourself a Year Sphere.

Let's hope for a nice big AD date, shall we?

Rohan, as winner of the Viking quiz,

you're through to play the Viking game,

but will it be just you or will the others get to play too?

Fingers crossed, Sam, fingers crossed, everybody,

and arms crossed! Let's find out.

The finger-crossing has worked! It's an all-play silly game!

So off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

-Bye, then!

-Bye, then!

-Bye-bye.

The Vikings were surprisingly clean people

and would use tiny ear spoons to clean the wax out of their ears.

It's time to play...

Your challenge - to clean out a Viking ear,

carry the wobbly wax on your Viking ear spoon

over the wobbly bridge and flick it into your bowl.

The person who gets the most ear wax from their ear into their bowl

within the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

What a game! You'd better get ready, cos your time starts now.

HOOTER BLOWS

Off they go, then, with I'm A Viking, Get Me Out of Ear!

Oh, and look at that - wax is just pouring out.

Oh, Rattus, this is an appalling game.

I mean, ear wax being carried over bridges.

See-saw, there's the see-saw action, the pivot.

First delivery for Rohan, and Sam, delicately delivered.

First one in there from Sam.

Yes, it's not so much a flick,

it's more of a delicate placement,

and you wouldn't want to get any of that ear wax

on your clothing, would you?

Well, unless you wanted to be waterproof, Dave.

Well, true, you could make yourself

a little waxy jacket there

by melting some of that stuff down,

rolling around in it,

and you've got a waterproof T-shirt.

Rohan's dropped his.

Ah, but look at this, what a lovely delivery from Sam there.

Here comes Leah, here she comes.

Oh, dear!

Really getting that spoon deep into the Viking ear.

Now, here he goes.

He's over the bridge, look at the way it pivots here, pivots.

-Now watch, oh...

-It's on the floor.

Often you're concentrating so hard on the pivot bit

that when you get past it, you lose your focus and it drops.

But delicately done by Leah.

It's close between Leah and Sam.

Dave, I think I've got some wax in my ear!

Let me have a quick look, Rattus.

Oh, heavens, that's not wax!

There's Rohan - can he make it?

Yes, he can!

30 seconds remaining.

Two bits!

Rattus, she's got two bits!

This is unheard of!

Two bits of ear wax going over the bridge!

What a delivery! It's there!

Well, that's changed the game forever.

Well, that really is extraordinary, and you can't see anyone

coming back from this, really, Leah has done remarkably well there.

And here she comes with her sixth dump, can she make it in time?

Yes, she can! Can Rohan get his fourth?

-No, he can't, getting frustrated with that.

-Time's up.

SIREN BLARES

And it's a waxy win for Leah.

Welcome back, everyone, back behind those podiums. Well played.

The winner of the Year Sphere was Leah,

so help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Six bits! Six!

And two in one go.

Two in one go, first time we've ever seen that.

Right, Round Three,

and it's over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Rotten Romans.

Four questions, as always, and here are your four Roman topics.

So, Sam, it's your turn to lead us off this time.

Which one will you choose?

I'm going to go with Claudius.

-Steady yourself, Rattus.

-Why?

Because this is a question from Death!

Emperor Claudius is believed to have died from poisoned mushrooms

given to him by his wife.

So, sadly, his death wasn't stupid, but his last words were!

What were they?

A, is that your donkey?

B, I think I've pooed myself,

or C, can anyone else smell lemons?

What do you think?

Oh, well, a complete spread of answers here.

-What is the answer?

-The answer is...

B, I think I've pooed myself.

When it was his time to go, it was also his time to...go!

As in to poo.

He's quite funny, Death, isn't he, really?

Only when he says the word "poo", though, eh, Rattus? Yeah.

-Oh, I've wet meself.

-Oh, for goodness' sake.

Rohan, congratulations, a good point scored,

and it's your turn to pick a category.

Can I have Elephants, please?

When he was a young man,

Roman General Pompey fought a successful campaign in North Africa.

On his return to Rome, he led a procession in a chariot

pulled by elephants, but what happened?

A, the elephants panicked and squashed Pompey,

B, one of the elephants weed on him,

or C, the elephants couldn't fit through the city gates?

What do you think?

Interesting.

Leah and Sam in agreement on C.

Rohan thinks it's A.

Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is C.

Pompey's elephants couldn't fit through the city gates,

an incident he wanted forgotten,

though I bet the elephants never did!

Cos elephants never forget.

Well done, Leah and Sam. It's all square again.

Leah, it's your turn to choose, what will you have?

Can I have Bears, please?

Emperor Valentinian used to throw his enemies to two pet bears

and watch them being eaten alive.

But what were the bears called?

Was it A, B or C?

Let's see your answers, please.

Everybody's gone for A.

Are they all right, or are they all wrong?

The answer is A, Goldflake and Innocence.

They were deliberately kept hungry

so they'd viciously attack Emperor Valentinian's enemies.

OK, that's a point each.

And there's one question left in this round, on Warts,

from Mr Rattus Rattus.

Here we go.

A Roman cure for warts...

Let's see those answers.

The boys have agreed on B.

Leah thinks it's A.

Oh, Leah, I'm afraid it's B, it's dog urine!

Yeah, so after you've been treated,

you've not only got a wart,

-but you've got a wart that smells of wee.

-Nice!

And that means at the end of that round

we have a two-way tie between Rohan and Sam.

Yes, it's a tie-breaker situation!

Beginning with the letter N, name the Roman emperor who...

-Sam.

-Nero.

Nero is absolutely right. I'll give you that full question.

Beginning with the letter N,

name the Roman emperor who had his wife Octavia murdered

and her head sent to his new girlfriend, Poppaea.

Absolutely right, Nero. Superb work, Sam. Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Hey, did you say "Poop-paea"?

No, I didn't say "Poop-paea", I did say it second time.

Very good, Sam, you are the winner of the Roman quiz,

and you're through to play the Roman game,

but will you be playing alone or will the others get to join in, too?

Let's find out, shall we?

Oh, it's a single-play gory game.

So, come on, Sam, back down that Time Sewer.

Smells like Rattus.

What?!

Romans loved their food, but what did they actually eat?

It's time to play...

Seven foods, but only five are foods

that were really eaten by the Romans.

Your challenge - to work out which five.

Choose five items from the larder

and then move them onto the feasting table.

Touch the drinking goblet to find out how many you've got right.

Keep trying different combinations until you get all five correct,

but you'd better be quick, cos your time starts...now.

HOOTER BLOWS

So here goes Sam playing Foul Food.

What we've got to do here, he's got to put the genuine food,

the foods he thinks were genuine in Roman times,

he has to move them onto those tiny miniature plinths

that are somehow like plates.

They are kind of plinth plates.

Oh, now, he's going for stuffed snails here.

You like a bit of stuffed snail, don't you, Rattus?

Why anyone would stuff and cook snails, I have no idea.

They are so much better raw!

Urgh!

What's next? Well, he's gone for scooped-out flamingo brains.

Whoa!

-I'm so sorry about this.

-DAVE BURPS

You have four correct.

That's a bit of a lacklustre touch of the goblet there.

Kind of casual, wasn't it?

He's put the cheese in.

The fish can go, jellyfish can go back. Cheese is in.

DAVE BURPS You have four correct.

-Oh, it's not worked for him, that.

-No.

-Now, what's he going to do here?

He needs to think very hard here, Sam.

30 seconds remaining.

He's gone for the giant tortoise liver, of course.

I have to say, giant tortoise liver and stuffed snails -

not exactly fast food, is it, Rattus?

You have three correct.

So the liver and potatoes are incorrect.

Can he work it out in time?

Yes! Back comes the cheese. Bye-bye, liver. And the jellyfish.

This could be good, Rattus, I think. The potatoes are going...

-Going!

-The jellyfish is in place!

BURP You have all five correct.

Welcome back, Sam. Help yourself to a Year Sphere, well played.

So, well done, and now it's the final round,

so it's over to the Gory Grid one last time

to find out what we've got.

It's the Slimy Stuarts.

No quirky quiz in our final round,

it's straight to our all-play Stuart endgame.

Back down the Time Sewer, the lot of you.

Oh, it really is terrible down here!

It's time to play...

It's 1666, you are King Charles II,

and you're helping to fight the Great Fire of London.

Your challenge - collect water in your bucket,

carry it along your lane and slosh it onto the fire.

But watch out for falling buildings.

Whoever gets the most water on the fire within the time limit

wins the Year Sphere.

And your time starts now.

HOOTER BLOWS

So, here we go, then, with London's Burning

and this, you have to say,

is very careful bucket-filling from them all,

and it's Rohan that's first to show.

Whoa, that's excellent cheese-hopping.

We'll explain the cheese later - don't panic.

Let's see what he can do here.

Rohan gets a little bit of water going in there,

that's nice, a good start. Here's Sam.

He overstepped the mark there a bit,

got his foot on the cheese,

and he's making his way back now. Whoa! Slippy doo-da.

Leah really taking her time here, Rattus.

-Good tactics or not?

-No, considering it's against the clock, Dave,

taking your time is not a good idea.

It usually means you'll fall on your backside,

spilling it all over the walkway.

There speaks the voice of bitter experience.

Oh, and Sam's down again, look, that could cost him.

Leah, arriving with her first bucket at last,

but it's a full one. And wahey, that's nicely done.

The Great Fire of London, of course,

Charles II famously helped

to try to put it out.

There's a bit of Parmesan cheese

halfway up the lane there, Rattus.

Samuel Pepys buried his Parmesan during the Great Fire.

That's right, to stop it burning.

Rohan now arriving with his next payload, and that's decent.

Oh, Leah's down! But she's not out, she's regained her composure nicely.

Oh, but she's thrown the bucket!

Well, that's one way to make sure you get all your water in.

And I have to say, her scoring egg is filling up nicely.

Oh, dear! Now the falling-over's begun in...

Oh, oh! In earnest.

Over the cheese, it's very slippery out there.

Who do you think's going to win this, Rattus?

Whoever's got the burning ambition, Dave!

Oh, Rattus! Yeah, you are on fire.

Oh, I've done one!

Oh, what magnificent punning.

30 seconds remaining.

And there's Rohan.

Well, there goes Rohan! He's still smiling though, look.

Where's Sam gone? Oh, there he is. Oh, and that's lovely.

Now here comes Leah with a full bucket.

Oh, dear, that's not gone very well at all.

Quick factoid for you.

To stop the fire spreading, some people's houses got pulled down,

so our players need to watch out for falling masonry.

Oh! What did I tell you?!

Oh, Leah, not again!

Hold on to your bucket!

Oh! Look, Rohan's down again!

Time's up!

And it's all over, and look at them, they're absolutely exhausted.

And a quick look at the collecting cylinders

tells us Leah is the winner.

She's the best fireman out of the lot!

Back you come, out of that Time Sewer. Very well played.

Leah, help yourself to another, and a final, Year Sphere.

It's now time to count up those Year Spheres

and remember, the AD dates are added to your total,

and BC dates are subtracted from it.

It's the moment of truth.

Rohan, let's have a look what you've got in yours.

Wow, that's a good one, 1969 AD.

Man landed on the moon, I think that might be

one of the highest possible scores in a single sphere.

That puts you right back in the game.

Leah, let's see what you've got.

It's 1564 AD, the birth of William Shakespeare.

Let's have a look at that second one.

Oh, it's 495 BC! Oh, deary me,

the death of Pythagoras, Greek philosopher and mathematician.

That means that you are in second place currently.

So, Sam, let's have a look at what you've got.

-Oh, dear.

-Oh, no.

1213 BC, the death of Pharaoh Ramesses II,

but you've got three Year Spheres to make that up.

Let's see what you've got in the second one.

And you've started to make it up already.

1305 AD, the execution of William Wallace.

Let's have a look at that third one.

Oh, no!

Oh, no! That's not good news.

You may well put your head in your hands.

9000 BC, Stone Age man started to use bow and arrow round about then.

That's no consolation, is it?

Come on, Sam, let's open up the last one.

It's 1099 AD, too little too late, the first Crusade was that year.

You've ended up with a total of minus 7,809,

which is sad for you, but brilliant news for you, Rohan,

because you are today's champion, with 1,969 points.

Which is loads of points, unlike today's prize, which is pointless,

because it's been chosen by Rattus.

Actually, I found a great prize down in the Time Sewer!

Well, look at that!

Ta-da!

-You have to say, Rattus, that looks absolutely delicious!

-It is!

Humble pie, which was a Tudor delicacy,

filled with sheep's guts.

Ugh!

Rohan, I'm afraid it's a rather disgusting pie.

Please don't eat it, I've just done that,

and that's something I'm going to have to live with.

So it's bad luck to our runners-up, Leah and Sam,

who have a whole host of bad tastes and smells to look forward to

on their journey home,

because we're going to flush them down the Time Sewers.

Go on, off you go. I'm afraid this bit's deeply unpleasant.

-Bye, Dave.

-Bye!

Bye, everyone.

-Bye!

-Stinks in here!

If you want to play along at home next time,

don't forget to download the Gory Games app.

I've been Dave Lamb, he's been Rattus Rattus,

once again proving why rats aren't usually allowed to host TV shows.

If you don't want that...

Oh, he's eating it. That was Gory Games, goodbye!

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# Games! #