Episode 10 HH: Gory Games

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# Better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games, with me, Dave Lamb.

You may recognise my voice from Come Dine With Me.

And me, Rattus Rattus.

You may recognise me from I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

I was one of the rats!

Let's just get on with the show,

and meet today's horrible historians.

Hi. I'm Natalie and I'm from Manchester.

Hello there, Natalie.

Hi, I'm Dray and I'm from Coventry.

Hello, Dray.

Hi, I'm Mimi and I'm from Liverpool.

Hello, Mimi.

Welcome, everyone. And you can play along at home, too,

using the Gory Games app.

Check out the CBBC website.

Right, you lot are playing to win Year Spheres.

Yes, and at the end of the show the person with the highest year score

will win a prize of my choosing that can only be described as fabulous.

Or putrid, fetid, distasteful, or rank.

Like I said, Dave, fabulous.

Yes, let's just get this show on the road, shall we, with round one.

What's it about? It's over to the Gory Grid to find out.

It's the Nasty Knights.

So four questions on knights coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere.

And your four knight topics are -

Mimi, you pick first this round. Which of those takes your fancy?

Toilets.

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

Certainly is.

True or false? When you went to the toilet in a castle

your poo dropped straight down into the moat below.

So, when you went to the toilet in a castle,

your poo dropped straight down into the moat below.

Is that true or is that false?

OK, the girls both think it's true. Dray thinks it's false.

Who's right?

It's true. So any goldfish in the moat were soon brown fish!

RATTUS LAUGHS

A charming image(!)

Well done, Mimi and Natalie. That's the first points to you.

Mimi, you get an eyeball. Natalie, a skull for you.

No brains as yet, Dray, but there's plenty of time

and, Dray, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Can I have tournaments?

Is this true or false?

So, what do you think? True or false?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Everyone's gone for false. Are they all right? Let's find out.

The answer is it's false.

In fact, one of the rules of the tournament

was don't aim to kill an opponent.

Well played, everyone. Points all round there.

Natalie, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Um, can I have games, please?

True or false? In 1477, King Edward IV outlawed archery practice.

So, King Edward IV outlawed archery practice.

Is that true or is that false?

Mimi and Dray both think it's true.

Natalie is the only one who thinks that's false.

Let's find out, shall we?

It's false.

In 1477, King Edward outlawed the game of skittles

because it was so popular people were playing it

instead of practising their archery, which was a vital skill for battle.

Natalie, well played. One skull for you,

meaning you're in the lead with one question left in this round,

and that question is on stairs, and it's coming up right now.

True or false? Most stairways in castle towers go up clockwise.

So, most stairways in castle towers go up clockwise.

Is that true or false?

Natalie and Mimi agreeing again, both thinking it's true.

Dray thinks it's false.

Let's find out what the answer is.

True. If you're defending your castle and someone chases you up a tower,

then it's easier for a right-handed swordsman

to back up the spiral stairs and fight if the stairs are clockwise.

Not just a pretty face, eh?

Not even that, unfortunately.

Well done, Natalie, and well done, Mimi. That's a point apiece,

and at the end of the round with four out of four, Natalie,

-you have won the quiz.

-CHEERING

So it's time to choose your Year Sphere from...

DEEP VOICE: ..the pyramid of doom!

CHOIR: # Ah, ah, ah-ah, ah!

-Whoa!

-Wait a minute, Rattus.

A, that is my bit, and B,

it's the potty pyramid!

I thought pyramid of doom sounded more dramatic. You know, more doomy.

I don't want doom, I want potty!

Ooh!

I'm so sorry. Natalie, please, help yourself,

but pick carefully because AD dates will be added to your score,

but BC dates will be subtracted.

DEEP VOICE: Subtracted!

Stop it with the doom stuff!

We'll find out what's in that Year Sphere at the end of the show.

Now, winning the knights quiz means that Natalie

is automatically through to play the knights game,

but will she be alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out, shall we?

Ooh, it's a single player game and I hope you're feeling brave,

because it's a Stupid Death Game.

THUNDER CLAP

So off down the time sewer with you, Natalie. Good luck.

It's time to play...

Over to you-know-who to explain the game.

Warning!

This story contains poo, death and, well, poo death. It's very good.

So, one night in 1291, some crusaders raided a Saracen camp,

but one of them tripped on a tent rope, fell into a toilet hole,

-and drowned in poo!

-HE LAUGHS

As stupid deaths go, that's my number two!

Your challenge is to get from one side of the Saracen camp

to the other and rescue your friend from the poo pit

without waking the sleeping Saracen.

Touch any tent rope and the bells will ring.

Do that three times, it's game over. Your time starts now.

So, here goes Natalie playing Knight Fall.

Look at that. What a low trajectory she's gone for there, Rattus.

Excellent, completely tingle-free in the first go.

Yeah, lovely. Lovely low technique, we've not seen this before.

Will it work for her, though?

BELL RINGS

Oh, no, it won't, she's bashed a bell with her bottom!

Yeah, the Saracen's stirring a little bit there.

She's got to be careful. She's got two more of those bell rings

up her sleeve, and then it's serious trouble, I'm afraid.

And, oh, dear me, that bell is directly above her.

Can she possibly squeeze...?

-BELL RINGS

-Oh, the Saracen is stirring again!

Perhaps she should've climbed over.

Tick tock! Your time is running out!

HE LAUGHS

You're not helping, Death, but she's done it, she's out!

Now it's time to rescue the knight. She's there, she's got to him.

-Now all she's got to do is pull him out of there.

-Pull!

-Pull him out!

-Pull! Heave!

Get him out of the poo!

He's got to get out of that poo quickly now.

He's coming! He's coming! That's it!

The crusader is out. Good news for Natalie,

and good news for the Saracen whose toilet is now completely unblocked.

Congratulations, very well played. Help yourself, of course.

Another Year Sphere.

You were fantastic at that. Perfect.

So, round two,

and to find out what's up next, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Rotten Romans.

Four questions again, and here are your all-important Roman topics -

Dray, it's your turn to pick first this time.

Can I have the army, please?

In 52BC, the Roman army faced the Gauls of France,

but they only won because the Gauls wouldn't fight in the rain.

Was this because the Gauls,

A, were worried about their swords rusting?

B, thought it was a bad omen from the gods?

Or C, didn't want the rain to make their blue war paint run?

The Gauls were A, worried about their swords rusting,

B, thought it was a bad omen from the gods,

or C, didn't want the rain to make their blue warpaint run.

Let's see your answers now, please. Everyone's agreed that it's B.

Let's find out the answer.

The answer is B.

The Gauls thought it was a bad omen from the gods.

I love heavy rain. Makes the sewers like a log flume.

HE CHUCKLES

Don't ask about the logs.

Well done, everybody, points all round.

An eyeball, a brain and a skull.

Natalie, it's your turn to pick next.

Can I have cures, please?

Here comes your question.

A, performing amputations.

B, killing flies.

Or C, blood-letting?

What do you think? Is it A, B or C?

Well, Mimi and Natalie agreeing on C. Dray thinks it's A.

Let's find out the answer.

The answer is -

OK, Natalie, Mimi, another point apiece there,

and that means it's Mimi's turn to choose.

Manners, please.

And that is a question from Rattus Rattus.

According to one famous Roman writer, Emperor Claudius declared

all men should be allowed to do what at the dinner table?

Was it -

So, what do you think?

Was it A, yawn, B, burp, or C, fart?

Everybody's gone for B. What's the answer, Rattus?

The answer is -

Yes, Claudius

declared all men should be able to fart

at the dinner table after hearing about someone who fell ill

trying to keep one in. Not something I would ever do.

HE FARTS

Such a pleasure working with you, Rattus(!)

One question left in this round. All still to play for.

The final topic is earthquakes. Let's hear that question.

What did we Romans believe caused earthquakes?

A, the giant who holds up the world doing a burp.

HE BURPS

B, giants in the mountains awaking from their sleep.

Or C, the god of elephants tripping over a sacred tree?

So, what do you think? Is it A, B or C?

Let's see your answers.

Ah, Mimi's on her own this time. She thinks it's A.

What's the answer, please?

The answer is B.

We thought earthquakes were caused by giants

awaking from their slumber in the mountains.

Stands to reason, doesn't it? Yeah.

Well played, Dray and Natalie. That's a point apiece.

At the end of the round, it's Natalie, again.

You've won yourself another Year Sphere.

Please step forward and pick one.

And try to avoid the Stone Age ones.

Good advice for both contestants on the show

and the inventor of the glass time machine.

That is a very complicated joke for you, Rattus.

Yeah, actually I feel a bit faint.

-Have a little lie down, fella.

-LAUGHTER

Feel free to stay asleep for the whole show.

So, well played, Natalie.

As winner of the quiz, you are through to play the Roman game.

But will you be going it alone or will the others get to play too?

There's only one way to find out.

It's an all-play Gory Game.

So off you go down the time sewer. Lead them off, Natalie.

Good luck, Mimi.

The Romans used some pretty ruthless tactics. It's time to play...

If your fortress was under siege by Romans,

you'd find all sorts of things

being catapulted at you - rocks, beehives,

even the severed heads of captured colleagues.

Luckily, in this game you're on the Roman side and your challenge

is to fire as many missiles into your fortress target as possible.

-Ready, steady.

-KLAXON BLARES

Here we go with Savage Siege.

Oh, Natalie grabs a beehive. Mimi and Dray have got rocks.

Let's see how they get on with firing those. Ooh!

-That was close!

-Close! That was close for Mimi.

It sort of bounced one side, then the other,

and then decided, "I'm not going into that basket."

Whoa! Double rocks! That's a point each for Mimi and Dray.

There's another point there for Dray.

Two rocks in for Dray.

So he's found his range with the rocks. Now here goes Natalie.

Oh, it's a lovely effort but it just strikes the pillar.

Oh! A double score! Double score with the head!

What a double that was, Rattus!

Two decapitated heads simultaneously.

Will they do that again, I wonder? Yes, Dray.

Oh, no, Mimi, not quite.

Gory Games, the only game show where you'll see severed heads

-fired at a target.

-More's the pity.

30 seconds remaining.

Another synchronised slam dunk from Mimi and Dray!

That's terrific sieging!

It's a battle royal between these two, isn't it, Rattus?

Natalie's giving it everything but she's still yet to register.

No such trouble for Dray, he's miles ahead!

Miles ahe... Doesn't matter. Forget it.

Oh, yes, look at this. Natalie's got one.

She'll be pleased with that.

But I don't think she can catch Dray,

who's built a comfortable lead.

That's a valiant effort but there's just seconds left.

Can Mimi catch Dray?

Oh!

Time's up.

No, she can't. Dray bags a Year Sphere.

Welcome back, everybody.

Very well played indeed.

So, Dray, with seven, you won the challenge.

CHEERING

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

TRIUMPHANT CHORUS

Good choice.

There we go. Right, on to round three.

To find out what's up next, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

Four questions then on the Middle Ages

and your all-important topics are -

Natalie, it is your turn to lead us off.

Joan of Arc, please.

True or false? Joan of Arc led the French army

in battle against the English when she was only 17 years old.

So, what do you think? True or false?

Show me your answers now, please.

Everyone's gone for true. What's the right answer?

It's true.

Aged just 17, she led an army that ended the famous Siege of Orleans

and turned the tide of the Hundred Years War in favour of the French.

In a word - boo!

Well done, everybody, that is a point each to start the round.

Mimi, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Kings, please.

True or false? Richard I,

otherwise known as Richard the Lionheart, offered to sell London.

Could that possibly be true?

Show me your answers, please.

Mimi and Dray think it's true. Natalie thinks it's false.

Let's find out what the answer is.

It's true!

He spent most of his time in France and didn't like England much.

I mean, what's not to like? Apart from the weather, the food,

and the stinky peasants. HE SOBS

I need a bath!

Excellent work from Mimi and Dray, a point apiece,

and, Dray, it's your turn to pick.

Sieges, please.

Oh, no, it's a prop question,

which means I have to go over to retrieve a prop.

I've been thinking about this, Rattus.

I have a one in three chance of choosing the right cupboard,

so the odds of me getting it wrong this often in a row are one to...

-Lots.

-Yeah, one to lots.

So I'm just going to go for it, I think.

Oh!

Dave, I have long been of the opinion that maths is not a friend.

Statistically, I've got to be right this time, haven't I?

-Oh!

-Dave, never trust maths.

It's got to be in this one. Yes, it is. Good.

I've found the prop and... Oh, fantastic(!)

It's just a load of rat droppings.

Crikey, I could've stayed here and asked you for these, Rattus.

Anyway, true or false? During the Siege of Orleans in 1429,

the starving French got so hungry that they ate rat droppings.

What do you think?

Is that true or is that false?

Everybody's gone for true and I can tell you it is true.

Congratulations. you've all got a point.

All still to play for. One question left in this round.

The topic is fortune tellers and bad luck, Rattus,

that is a question from Death.

THUNDER CLAP

True or false?

William the Conqueror's personal fortune teller drowned at sea.

William the Conqueror's personal fortune teller drowned at sea.

Is that true or false?

Show me now.

Everyone's gone for true.

Death, what's the answer?

It's true. The fortune teller drowned.

What's so stupid about that death?

Well, on hearing the news William said, "He should've seen it coming."

LAUGHTER

Good one, William, but I do the jokes, OK?

Well, the bad ones, anyway.

I heard that!

Sorry, your Deathiness.

Ooh! Well played, everybody. Points all round there. Lovely stuff.

And that means that Natalie, just for the moment,

you are history, but Mimi, Dray, it's tie-breaker time.

SIREN WAILS

Beginning with the letter "W"

what was the first name of the Scottish rebel who fought Edward...

-Dray.

-William.

Beginning with "W" what was the first name

of the Scottish rebel who fought Edward I of England

and whose surname was Wallace? It is William, Dray,

you're absolutely right. Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

TRIUMPHANT CHORUS

OK, Dray, you won the Middle Ages quiz, so you're through to play

the Middle Ages game, but will you be going it alone?

Let's find out, shall we?

It's an all-play Gory Game. Off down the time sewer with the lot of you.

-In you go.

-Woo!

-Away you go, Mimi.

William the Conqueror's funeral was like no other.

His servants stole his treasure and the church burned down.

It's time to play...

You are William's servants and your challenge

is to take his treasure and put it in your chest.

All the treasure is colour-coded and you must only take your own loot.

You'd better be quick because the church is going to burn down.

Whoever collects the most pieces wins the Year Sphere,

and your time starts now.

KLAXON BLARES

Of course, they have to steal the treasure that is colour-coded

from Billy the Conqueror's tomb.

Billy the Conqueror?

Historical figures and me go way back.

Mimi started well with a candlestick.

Dray's already got two! Extraordinary thieving, Rattus.

Extraordinary!

And Natalie's off the mark.

Dray edging ahead with his third piece.

Mimi's hot on his heels and he knows it.

Look at him working away at that plate.

We should mention at this point that during his funeral

William the Conqueror's belly exploded.

RATTUS CACKLES

I've got a horrible feeling

that's going to happen here at some point.

So look out for that one, Rattus.

-I do hope so.

-That's why they're wearing their safety goggles.

Thieves generally don't wear goggles,

though some of them wear eye masks.

That's because they don't want to be seen.

Absolutely. This is for totally different reasons.

-Oh!

-And we saw it there.

-There goes Billy.

A shower of yellowy-green slime

tells us that Billy the Conq's guts have exploded.

Yes, I do shorten Conqueror to Conqs,

as well as William to Billy. I knew him extremely well.

-Billy bile there everywhere, Dave.

-Absolutely.

Oh, there's a lovely large goblet there for Mimi.

And there's another one for Natalie.

I doubt that treasure is worth as much now it's all covered in guts.

Maybe, but it's not stopped them thieving it

and the scores are very close.

30 seconds remaining.

The last moments of the game now. It's all still to play for.

It's a race to the finish.

Dray just about maintaining his lead.

The thieving goes on. They're all doing remarkably well here.

It's a terrific example of how to thieve at a funeral.

It's getting tricky to see now with all that smoke.

The fire is in the church.

-Fire!

-It's going to burn down, Rattus!

They're going to have to finish off their thieving

and escape as quickly as possible.

A fifth piece for Mimi but this is a sixth piece for Natalie!

Time's up.

Oh, that's a Year Sphere each then for her and Dray.

CHEERING

Welcome back, everybody, welcome back.

What tremendous thieving!

So, Natalie, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Year Sphere for you. And, Dray, grab yourself one.

Excellent.

So, Mimi, no Year Spheres as yet

but it's perfectly possible to win this competition

by not getting any Year Spheres at all.

It's the final round.

It's over to the Gory Grid one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day!

-Good day.

-Good day!

There's no quirky quiz in our final round,

so it's straight down the time sewer for our big all-play end game.

Off you go, everybody. Go on, Natalie.

-Well done. In you go, Dray.

-Whoopsy!

When Queen Victoria was but a child,

surgeons wanted to find out more about how the human body worked

and for this they needed dead bodies. It's time to play...

Your challenge is to steal three corpses from the graveyard,

get them through the railings and onto the carts, find the key

to the cemetery gates and plonk them onto the surgeon's table.

-If you hear this noise...

-WHISTLE BLOWS

..a policeman is coming

and you have to rush back to the cemetery and hide.

A second whistle means he's gone and you can carry on.

The first person to get all their bodies to the table

and grab the money the surgeons left for them is the winner.

So if you law-breakers are ready, three, two, one, thieve!

KLAXON BLARES

There goes the massive hooter and the grave robbing has begun.

Mimi is yanking her body through.

Dray's through already.

And they're off. This is a terrific flying start from these two.

Natalie not far behind.

Now this, Rattus, this is the tricky bit.

This is where they have to unlock the cemetery gates using a key

attached to the body's trousers.

This can be quite fiddly,

especially with those cobwebs everywhere.

-Oh! And Mimi's through.

-She's through! She's through!

Mimi's through and the first corpse is delivered. Lovely job.

Oh, look, Rattus. That cobweb has gone on Mimi's head.

She looks like a badger!

But it's not put her off. She's already after corpse number two!

Dave, just to check, are those real bodies?

No, they're not, Rattus.

Very realistic, aren't they, the smaller ones?

Those are the contestants!

-They're real. We've just been talking to them.

-Of course.

And Dray also has his first corpse and he's back through the gates,

trying to get to his second one.

And there he is, there's his second one.

Yes, and Natalie's through, so they're all doing terrifically well.

But Mimi is doing the best of all because she's already delivered two.

Just one more required

and Dray is wrestling with his cadaver there, isn't he, Rattus?

-WHISTLE BLOWS

-Look out! Here comes the policeman!

They have correctly hidden behind those tombstones

on hearing his approach. And here he is, Constable Savage.

He's not very good at policing, to be honest.

I have to say he is possibly the worst bungling bobby I've ever seen.

He's ignoring the bodies that are lying strewn in his path.

Well, he's from the Victorian age.

He's used to corpses littering the pavements. But I have to say

he had to step over that one. It was particularly poor policing.

WHISTLE BLOWS

They're back! They're back, Dave!

They certainly are and Mimi has just got this body to deliver now.

This is remarkable stuff! She's got him straight on the wheelbarrow!

But poor old Dray's having to wrestle with his.

Oh, that leg is at a horrible angle.

Natalie also in the background, working away as best she can.

That's a terrific reverse there from Mimi.

She's problem-solving terrifically well.

She's through! The last body's delivered, she just needs...

She just has to get down to the other end and through the railings!

She's going to be celebrating any second now. And she's done it!

It's a win for Mimi!

Very well played.

Mimi, help yourself to a Year Sphere. Your first!

She's gone for that one, well done.

So now it's time to count up those Year Spheres.

Remember that AD dates are added to your total,

and BC dates are subtracted from it.

It's the moment of truth.

So, Mimi, let's have a look in your Year Sphere.

What have you got for us?

Excellent, it's a good one. 1603 AD, the death of Queen Elizabeth I.

It's a good score. You could win with that.

Dray, let's see yours.

1483 AD, Richard III became King of England.

Let's have a look at the second one.

1769 AD, even better. Napoleon Bonaparte was born.

Let's have a look at this third one.

1337 AD, beginning of the Hundred Years War with France.

That is a very good total you've got there, Dray. 4,589 to beat.

But you can do this, Natalie.

You've got plenty of spheres to play with.

Let's have a look in that first one. There it is.

It's a small one but it's positive.

122 AD, Hadrian's Wall began to be built.

Let's have a look at this one.

1852 AD, that's a good one.

London's first flushing loo was opened to the public that year.

Let's have a look at the third.

1871 AD, bank holidays were invented.

It's extremely close. You need 745 AD or better to win.

Ooh! 753 BC!

Oh, Natalie's got her head in her hands. Oh, what a shame!

The city of Rome was founded that year

but that's no consolation, is it?

Natalie scored 3,092 in the end.

That means that today's winner is Dray

with a total of 4,589.

Congratulations. You get to take home a unique prize,

as in uniquely horrible,

because it's something that Rattus has fished out of the time sewer.

Today's prize is a cup.

That doesn't sound too bad.

Yes, a cup from the Stone Age.

Cavemen living in Somerset over 14,000 years ago

used to drink out of the top of human skulls.

-Rattus, this is an all-time low.

-I do my best.

Yeah, you do. There you go, Dray.

-I'm afraid it's a hollowed-out human skull.

-Thank you. Ugh.

Congratulations and apologies in equal measure.

It just remains for me to send our gallant runners-up,

Mimi and Natalie, back home down the time sewer.

Rather you than me. Off you go!

-Oh, no!

-Yes, I'm afraid it's going to get very unpleasant.

If you want to play at home next time, don't forget to download

the Gory Games app.

I've been Dave Lamb. Rattus has been well out of order.

-As always.

-You've been watching Gory Games. Goodbye.

Horrible Histories Gory Games. #