Episode 5 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# Better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# Games! #

Hello and welcome to Gory Games with me...

And me...

I think it's safe to say this is the only time you will see

a lamb and a rat and the rat will be the cuter one.

Well, that's highly debatable. Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

Hi, my name's Katie and I'm from Watford.

Hello, Katie.

My name's Christopher and I'm from Hertfordshire.

Hello, Christopher.

I'm Eloise and I'm from London.

Hello, Eloise.

Welcome, everyone.

And you can play along at home too using the Gory Games app.

Check out the CBBC website.

Right, you lot

are playing to win Year Spheres.

At the end of the show, the person with the highest year score

will win a prize of my choosing that's so good,

I wanted to keep it myself.

And our winner will wish you had.

So, where better to start than with round one?

What's it about? Let's go over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Slimy Stuarts.

So, four questions on the Stuarts coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere.

And your four Stuart topics are...

Eloise, you get to pick first.

Food.

I'm afraid to say that is a prop question.

Prop question, prop question, prop question...

Oh, don't look like that, Dave.

I swear on the grave of my great-grandfather

that there are no booby traps in the cupboard today.

Well, thank you, Rattus.

Oh!

I thought you swore on the grave of your great-grandfather!

He doesn't have a grave,

he was a rat.

Yes, of course he was.

There's the prop, no thanks to Rattus.

And this is a plate of ambergris.

So, it was a dish much-loved by Charles II but what is ambergris?

Well, they're all disgusting but is it A, B or C?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Eloise and Christopher have agreed on A,

Katie thinks the answer is C.

The answer actually is...

A - regurgitated whale phlegm.

I mean, Charles II used to have it for breakfast.

If nobody else wants it, Dave, do you mind if I...

Let's just save it for later on, shall we?

Excellent, so that's a point for Eloise and a point for Christopher.

It's your turn to pick a topic.

Civil War.

At the Battle of Edgehill, during the Civil War,

what did Dr William Harvey pull over his legs to keep warm?

Show me your answers now, please.

Everyone in total agreement.

Are they all right or all wrong?

The answer is...

He pulled dead bodies over his legs to keep himself warm.

-I guess dead bodies do keep you warm.

-Do "vey"?

Yes, I suppose a duvet would have been preferable.

That's points all round.

Katie, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Cures, please.

Which of these was a traditional Stuart cure for a fever?

Putting your feet in a bucket of cold tea,

rubbing your feet with the juice of ten bananas,

or cutting a pigeon in half and placing one half on each foot?

What do you think?

Show me your answers now, please.

Total agreement again.

What's the answer?

The answer is C. The sliced pigeon option, of course.

Cold tea or bananas, as if they would work. Ridiculous!

Well played, everyone.

One point each.

There's one category left.

And that, Rattus, is a question from your absolute favourite...

Death.

Hello!

What was famous Tudor scientist Francis Bacon's stupid death?

He choked on a bacon sandwich,

he got his scarf caught in the wheels of his carriage

or he caught pneumonia from stuffing a chicken with snow?

What do you think?

Let's have a look at your answers now, please.

Eloise has gone for B, Christopher and Katie have both gone for C.

Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is...

C - he caught pneumonia from stuffing

a chicken with snow.

Sir Francis worked out how to preserve food by freezing it

but forgot to preserve himself!

HE LAUGHS

That's a point each

for Christopher and Katie, which means,

with a maximum score,

Christopher is the winner of the first Year Sphere.

And it's time for me to say -

all hail the Potty Pyramid!

Christopher, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

I hope you've chosen carefully, Christopher,

because AD dates will be added to your total

and of course BC dates will be subtracted from it.

So, winning the Stuart quiz means that Christopher

is automatically through to play the Stuart Game

but will he be alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out, shall we?

It's an all play Silly Game.

So, that means it's off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

Dave, do you have any air freshener?

-I don't have any air freshener, no, I'm afraid.

-Stinky poo!

When Oliver Cromwell had his portrait painted

by Dutch artist Peter Lely,

he insisted that it was true in every detail,

with the blemishes, pimples, warts and all.

It's time to play...

Three portraits of Crommers, but where are his warts?

Your challenge - to fire warts onto your portrait.

The person with the most warts on their Cromwell's face,

in the time limit, wins the Year Sphere.

Pick up those paintbrushes as your time starts now.

BUZZER BLARES

Here we go! Now, they've got to fling warts onto Cromwell's face.

And here goes Katie.

-Bosh.

-She's done it!

-Oh, right in there!

-Well, that was a superb start, wasn't it, Rattus?

-It certainly was.

And that is a wart to the bottom right jowl of Cromwell's face.

Oh, and Eloise has just notched her first wart, too.

There's another one landed!

Katie's doing extremely well and Eloise has started equally well.

These girls are very good at flicking warts.

That's what we've learned.

That's a third for Eloise, brilliant flicking!

Oh, that's bad luck from Christopher.

Just falling a bit shy there.

All those warts are in front of Cromwell

in Christopher's lane.

He hasn't quite managed to land one, as yet.

Cromwell should be delighted, of course,

because he's looking much more attractive in that picture

but that wasn't what he wanted, was it, Rattus?

-No, he was proud of his warts.

-He loved his warts.

And here's Katie with another one.

Oh, Eloise has got another one too!

These girls really are very good.

Perhaps they've been playing lacrosse at school.

-I think that's what it is, Rattus.

-Quite right, Dave.

Boom! Another one for Eloise.

30 seconds remaining.

Ah, with the best will in the world, you have to say

Christopher's probably out of this, now. It's between the girls.

There's another one landed for Eloise, there.

It really is very close.

Dave, I have to admit, I am actually quite warty

but you wouldn't know it under all this fur.

Well, we know it now, don't we, Rattus? Thanks for that.

And it's even Stevens for Katie and Eloise, here.

Just one more wart might secure victory.

But there's only seconds remaining.

Oh, there's the first one for Christopher!

Oh, right on the buzzer it was!

And that's a very realistic picture for me.

I believe Cromwell might have looked like that.

He definitely didn't look like that.

Welcome back, everybody, back behind those podiums.

Well, I can tell you that in joint first with six each was

Eloise and Katie.

So that means you get one Year Sphere each.

So, help yourself, please.

Right. Round two.

To find out what's up next, it's back over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Nasty Knights.

Four questions again and your four all-important knight topics are...

So, Christopher, it's your turn to pick first this time.

-What'll you have?

-Crossbows, please.

True or false - the crossbow was banned by the Church in 1139?

So, the crossbow was banned by the Church in 1139.

Is that true or false?

Let's see your answers, please.

Everybody thinks it's false. What's the answer?

It's true.

A crossbow bolt could go clean through a knight and kill him.

The Church thought it was unfair that an untrained peasant could

kill a highly trained knight

and so did us knights.

No points at the start of that round.

-Katie, it's your turn to pick next.

-Squires, please.

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

True or false - after a heavy day on the battlefield, a squire only had

to clean the mud and blood off the outside of a knight's armour?

So, after a heavy day on the battlefield, a squire only had to

clean the mud and blood off the outside of a knight's armour?

Is that true or false?

Eloise and Christopher have agreed on true,

Katie, out on her own there, with false. What's the answer, Rattus?

It's false.

They had to clean the inside as well as the outside

and let's just say, knights didn't get a toilet break during battle.

Oh, no, the armour was like a big, stinking, metal nappy.

-Wee and poo everywhere! It was...

-All right, Rattus Rattus,

all right, we get the picture.

Well done, Katie. Eloise, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Chivalry.

Is this true or false?

Is that true or is that false? Let's see your answers.

Eloise and Christopher agreeing again, this time with true,

Katie thinks that's false. Let's find out the actual answer.

It's true.

Well, that's levelled it all up.

One question left in this round.

True or false -

a melee was a rousing song that knights would sing before battle?

A rousing song that knights would sing before a battle?

Is that true or is that false?

Eloise and Christopher, spookily agreeing with each other again.

Katie thinks that's true. Let's find out what the answer is.

It's false.

Tournaments would often feature a melee which was basically

lots of knights fighting.

Nobody was supposed to actually get injured but, what can I say,

accidents happen!

Ow! Ow.

Congratulations, Eloise and Christopher,

that means that you have tied that round.

Katie, just for now,

you are history as we go into a tie-breaker situation.

Beginning with the letter F,

in which country was the famous Battle of Agincourt?

-Christopher?

-France.

France is the right answer. Well done, Christopher.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

And let's hope it's not a Stone Age one...

which can really mess up your score.

OK, Christopher, you're through to play the Knight's Game

but will it be just you or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out.

It's a single player game

and I hope you're feeling brave as it's a Stupid Death Game.

Get yourself down the Time Sewer, it's safer in there.

So, time now for a game that requires bravery, skill,

cunning and good balance.

But mainly just good balance.

It's time to play...

What's this game about, Death?

Little story here from the archive, the poo-related death archive,

which is actually the largest room in my house, after my scythe collection.

Anyway, in 1291,

a band of Crusaders raided a Saracen camp under cover of darkness

but one of them tripped on a tent rope, fell into a toilet hole

and drowned in poo! HE LAUGHS

The Crusader became a "Poosader"!

It works.

Anyway, your challenge is to get from one side of the Saracen camp

to the other and rescue the fallen knight from the poopy pit

without touching any tent ropes.

Snag a rope three times and you'll wake the Saracen and it's game over.

Your time starts...

now!

And here we go. Christopher enters the first web of tent ropes.

Of course, Rattus, each rope fitted with a bell.

Three rings and the game's over.

He's keeping an eye on the Saracen, I don't blame him.

He did seem to wiggle a rope there but I think he got away with it,

no bell's rung yet. Oh, he's through.

He's doing extremely well.

Now then, on to the second web. This one's a bit harder.

It's a real test of balance. Can he do it?

SARACEN SNORTS

Oh! Shush, shush! The Saracen is stirring.

Oh! He's rung a bell there!

That's his first. He's only got two more.

He's only allowed two more rings.

Christopher freezes there to avoid further detection.

On to his final web, now.

He's got to be so careful.

Taking a deep breath, there.

Oh, that's a bell going off.

The Saracen's stirring.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock! Your time is running out.

I really wish Death wouldn't do that. Christopher's through!

Christopher's through and now he's trying to rescue

his colleague from the cesspit. He's just got to yank him...

-He's running out of time, Rattus.

-Yank him!

Well, I don't know what the Saracens were eating

but that poo is proving to be extraordinarily sticky.

-Well, he's done it.

-He's done it!

Christopher has plucked the Crusader out of the poo hole.

Let's hope he doesn't have to give him mouth-to-mouth.

Well done indeed, Christopher.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere, straightaway.

Is that a good choice? We'll find out later.

Right, round three

and it's over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

Four questions, as always, and here are your four Middle Ages topics...

So, Katie, it's your turn to pick, this time. What would you like?

Edward III, please.

The wedding of King Edward III was rather unusual.

Was it because it took place in a...

What do you think?

Let's see your answers, now, please.

Well, everybody thinks that's B.

Let's find out if it is.

The answer is...

The wedding was held in York Minster

which had no roof at the time

and it was snowing.

Snowing on the bride.

Well, I guess that must have saved on confetti.

What's spaghetti got to do with this?

Slight misunderstanding.

Well done, everybody. Eloise, it's your turn to pick next.

Food.

In the Middle Ages, the Church said,

"You shouldn't eat meat on a Friday." Although fish was allowed.

So, to get around the rule, which of these did people eat?

Was it...

Let's see your answers now, please.

Slight disagreement this time.

Katie thinks it's A, Eloise and Christopher think it's B.

What's the actual answer?

The answer is...

Some people pointed out that beavers swam a lot,

and had a weird tail so they were sort of fish.

Just a very, very meaty fish. They're clever, ain't they?

No points for that question but all still to play for.

-Christopher, what would you like?

-Sport, please.

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

Oh, this is only the best question ever!

Oh, Rattus. So, which is it?

Eloise and Christopher think the answer's A, Katie thinks it's C.

Let's find out what it actually is.

The answer is...

As in, aim for the butt. No, not my butt, THE butt.

That's a point for Eloise and a point for Christopher.

Everyone still in it this round.

With one question left, it's a question on cures.

It's a right tricky one, this.

Urgh. Is it A, B or C?

Show me those answers now, please.

Eloise and Christopher again agreeing. Katie has gone for C.

The answer is...

Coincidentally, squashed crickets and beetles is one of my favourite meals.

Each to their own.

Bad luck, Katie.

That means that for now you are history but Eloise and Christopher,

we're in another tie-break situation.

Beginning with the letter R, what was the first name

of the English king nicknamed the Lionheart? Eloise?

-Richard.

-Richard is absolutely right. Well done, Eloise.

Help yourself to another Year Sphere.

Eloise, you won the Middle Ages quiz

so you're through to play the Middle Ages Game

but will you be playing alone or will the others be joining you?

Let's find out.

It's an all play Gory Game. Yes!

So, everybody, get down that Time Sewer.

Well done, Katie.

Funerals always bring a tear to the eye

but not usually because of all the smoke.

At William the Conqueror's funeral,

his servants stole his treasure and the church burned down.

It's time to play...

You are William's servants

and your challenge is to take his treasure and put it in your chest.

All the treasure is colour-coded and you must only take your own loot

but you'd better be quick because the church is going to burn down.

Whoever collects the most pieces wins the Year Sphere

and your time starts...

now.

And they're off.

Well, that's just come off in Eloise's hand.

That was a lucky break for her. She's taken that very, very quickly.

Eloise straight into the lead, there.

But not for long!

There's one for Christopher and for Katie.

And there's Christopher working away at a candlestick.

And they're all level pegging now.

The crucial thing here, I can't emphasise it enough, Rattus,

is that they have to use the correctly colour-coded treasure.

Absolutely right, Dave.

There's no point in spending a lot of time unscrewing treasure

that isn't actually yours to steal.

Yes, whereas in a normal burglary, it wouldn't matter,

just grab whatever you can

and get out as quickly as you can before the police arrive...

I've...I've heard.

Something we know but our contestants hopefully don't

is that William's body was so bloated and rotten at his funeral

that it exploded.

-Oh!

-Oh!

-What was I just telling you?

-Oh, prophetic, Dave.

-Prophetic indeed.

They barely looked up from their work, did they, Rattus?

Maybe half a step backwards but they were straight back into it.

So, Katie's in the lead with five items.

She really is light fingered, isn't she, that one?

Christopher's not far behind.

Of course, it goes without saying that you shouldn't ever steal,

not even from a dead tyrant,

but it does make a great game, doesn't it, Rattus?

It certainly does, Dave.

Oh, hang on. Oh, no, Eloise, that candlestick won't count,

it's the wrong colour. That's one of Christopher's!

30 seconds remaining.

Time is running out to try and nab those last few treasures.

Dave, do you think they'll ever make thieving an Olympic sport?

Well, wouldn't the gold medal just get stolen?

Eloise gets the right colour this time

but will she be able to catch the others?

Hello, is that smoke I see?

This is what actually happened

during William the Conqueror's funeral. The place burnt down.

-Fire, everything's on fire. It's burning!

-Someone call 999!

Actually, don't bother, it's all over.

Time's up.

And that last piece from Eloise won't count.

Welcome back, everybody.

Very well played. That was very, very close.

I can tell you that in third place, with four pieces of treasure,

was Eloise.

But in joint first place, with five pieces each,

was Katie and Christopher. So, help yourself, please.

I don't think anyone predicted you were going to choose that one.

And, Christopher, help yourself, please.

Excellent stuff.

It's the final round and that means it's over to the Gory Grid

one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day.

No quirky quiz in our final round.

It's straight to our big, all play game and it is well scary.

So, everybody, back down that Time Sewer with the lot of you.

When Queen Victoria was just a child,

grave robbing was a common crime.

The bodies were sold to surgeons who wanted to use them

to find out more about how the human body works.

It is time to play...

Your vile Victorian challenge is to steal

three corpses from the graveyard.

Get them through the railings, onto the carts, find the key

to the cemetery gates and get them onto the surgeon's table.

-If you hear this noise...

-WHISTLE BLOWS

..then you must rush back to the cemetery and hide

so the policeman doesn't spot you.

A second whistle means you can go again.

The first person to get all their bodies to the surgeon's table

and grab the dodgy money is the winner.

In three, two, one...

BUZZER BLARES

And they're off. Here we go and Christopher is first to show, there.

Now, they're all trying to push their bodies through

rather than pull them through.

That's an interesting tactic, isn't it?

Certainly, that's the way to move a corpse, Dave,

by pushing, not pulling.

Christopher's lost a body off his trolley, there,

and the trolley's misbehaving.

-That's a wobbly wheel, isn't it, Rattus?

-A wobbly trolley.

-Yeah, you organised that wobbly wheel, I believe.

-Certainly did.

Look at this - Katie is already at the lock.

And Katie is through! That's the first corpse ready to be dissected.

Makes her way back now. Look at the other two.

They're still struggling with their locks.

Oh, there's the first cobweb.

Katie is now back through the railings and she's got a golfer.

How strange that the golfer was buried in his golf trousers, Rattus.

Oh, now, Eloise is finally through with her first corpse and, yes,

Christopher is not far behind but Katie is miles ahead.

Second corpse nearly ready for the dodgy surgeon.

There we go. Oh, and there's Christopher's first corpse.

Oh, and Eloise is literally ramming that body

through the railings, there. No respect for the dead.

-WHISTLE BLOWS

-And there's the whistle.

Now, Rattus, this means that they've got to hide because

here comes the policeman.

The most unobservant policeman in Britain is now missing corpses.

He's not seeing grave robbers and he is going to go back

to his super and report that everything was fine.

Shoddy policing! Slipshod, bad advert for the police force.

WHISTLE BLOWS

But never mind that because here come the contestants again.

Eloise and Christopher really need to get a move on

if they're going to catch Katie.

Come on, Christopher!

These are the hard yards. This is were the training pays off.

Eloise has number two,

Katie is on the last corpse.

She's going to head back down. All she's got to do is

take the dodgy money.

She's got the dodgy money.

She just needs to get back through that fence.

She's there! And Katie has successfully sold some corpses

to a naughty surgeon.

Welcome back, everybody. Well played.

Help yourself, Katie.

A final Year Sphere.

She's gone for that one.

Now, it is time to count up those Year Spheres.

And remember, AD dates are added to your total

and BC dates are subtracted from it.

It's the moment of truth.

OK, Eloise, let's open up that first one.

It's a good start.

The beginning of the Hundred Years War with France, that year.

Let's have a look at your second one, this could be crucial.

Oh, it's not so good.

The first ever ancient Olympics was that year.

That leaves you, Eloise, with a total of 561.

So that's what you've got to try and beat, Christopher.

Let's have a look at your first sphere.

Oh, it's a good one.

When women got the right to vote in the UK.

Let's have a look at the second one.

The birth of William Shakespeare, that year.

The third one.

The Battle of Waterloo. Let's look at the last one.

Hadrian's Wall began to be built that year.

So that is an excellent total you've got there, Christopher.

Now, Katie, let's see if you can beat that.

Open that first one, please.

The death of William II. A good start.

Let's have a look at the second one.

Roman Emperor Claudius invaded Britain, that might not be enough.

Let's have a look at the third one.

Oh, and it's 55 BC.

Julius Caesar invaded Britain that year.

Katie has scored 1,088 which means that today's winner is

-Christopher.

-Thank you.

And how could we send you home without a truly fantastic prize?

Well, like this, because you'll be getting some

old rubbish that he's found in the Time Sewer.

Prepare to eat your words, my friend,

because today's prize really is fantastic.

It's an actual crown.

What, a genuine crown as worn by an actual king?

Even better, Dave, it's the crown that was presented

to the champion at Ancient Greece's Isthmian Games, no less.

Wow!

It's a crown of celery!

Brilliant.

Well, Christopher, that is your prize. Do you have a rabbit at home?

No, but I like it anyway.

Well done, Christopher, superb work

and well done also to our gallant runners-up, Eloise and Katie,

who've won the chance to pick up a wide variety of rotting vegetation

because we're going to flush them down the Time Sewers.

I'm sorry about this. Off you go!

If you want to play along at home next time,

don't forget to download the Gory Games app.

RATTUS LAUGHS

I'm Dave Lamb. He's...well, he's actually getting worse.

-I do my best.

-And this has been Gory Games.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

# Horrible Histories Gory...

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