Episode 6 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# Better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello and welcome to Gory Games with me, Dave Lamb...

And me, Rattus Rattus.

And I'd just like to say

a great big thank you to Ben and Heidi of 79 Caithness Road

who had me round for dinner last night.

They don't know they had me round for dinner last night, but they did.

-Rattus!

-What? Oh, it's all right, I left them some chocolates.

They looked like chocolates.

PFFFT

Eurgh. At least that gives you a flavour of how disgusting

today's show will be.

Let's meet our horrible historians.

Hi, my name's Remy and I'm from Leicestershire.

Hello, Remy!

Hi, I'm Mary Kate and I'm from the Glens of Antrim.

Hello, Mary Kate.

Hi, I'm Lucas and I'm from Leicester.

Hello, Lucas.

Welcome, everyone. Very good to have you here.

And you can actually play along at home too,

using the Gory Games app.

Yeah, if you haven't got it yet, check it out on the CBBC website!

Absolutely, OK.

You are playing to win Year Spheres.

The person with the highest year score at the end of the show

will win a prize fished out of the Time Sewer by my whisker-y pal here.

And today's prize is truly unforgettable.

By which Rattus means, "You'll never be able to get rid of the smell."

We start with the first round,

and I've come up with a brilliant name for it, Dave.

-Oh, yeah?

-Round One.

-Inspired.

To find out what it's about

let's go over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Nasty Knights.

So four questions on knights coming up.

The person who gets the most right,

wins the first Year Sphere.

And your four knight topics are...

Whatever they are.

So, Lucas, which of those takes your fancy?

I think I'll go for Tournaments, please.

That is a question from Mr Rattus Rattus.

Thank you.

What prize was on offer at a tournament in London in 1216?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Well, everybody in total agreement.

You've all gone for A.

Let's find out from Rattus if that is correct.

The answer is indeed A.

Yes, a bear. You could win an actual bear. Isn't that brilliant?

It is brilliant. Let's just hope it was castle trained.

So there we go, that's a point each. Well done.

Mary Kate, it's your turn to choose a topic.

1066, please.

I'll get straight to the point.

My question is...

Let's see your answers now, please.

You've all gone for catapults.

Let's find out if you're all right or all wrong.

The answer is...

C. He made them into temporary

wooden castles.

Yes, his ships were basically early versions of Transformers.

No points scored at all there.

Not to worry though, it's early days.

Remy, it's your turn to choose a category.

I'm going to go for Superstitions, please.

What was thought to be evil in the Middle Ages?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Disagreement.

Let's find out who's right.

The answer is...

You weren't allowed to be left-handed in the Middle Ages.

We thought being left-handed was evil.

Oh.

Very, very impressive, Lucas.

You've gone into the lead with one more category left, Falchions.

What was a falchion?

..or C - a pie made of pig intestines?

Answer that question now.

Oh, Mary Kate's

on her own there with B.

Let's find out the answer.

The answer is...

A falchion was a weapon which combined the power of an axe

with the versatility of a sword.

It could get you out of trouble,

if you could pick it up, that is.

Mary Kate, well played.

So that means that we have a tie.

Remy, you're history for now, I'm afraid.

Don't worry, you'll get more chances later on.

Mary Kate and Lucas, fingers on your buzzers

because we are going to a tie breaker question.

Beginning with the letter A,

the metal protective cover is wor...

-Lucas.

-Armour.

Armour is absolutely right!

Well played indeed.

So, Lucas, congratulations. You've won the quiz

and it's time to choose your Year Sphere,

which means it's time for me to say...

-BOOMING VOICE:

-All hail the potty pyramid!

ANGELIC CHOIR SINGS

Hey, Lucas, imagine it's your nose and pick it carefully.

RATTUS LAUGHS

Er, yes. Very good, Lucas.

Leave that on the podium, we'll find out what's in there later on.

Winning the Knight Quiz means that Lucas is automatically

through to play the Knight Game,

but will he be alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out.

It's an All Play Silly Game,

so it's off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

-MARY KATE:

-Bye, Rattus.

Oh, see ya.

"Bye, Rattus?" What about me?

-Bye-bye.

-Oh, that's more like it.

Becoming a knight was no mean feat.

It took 14 years of training.

So saddle up, because it's time to play...

In the Middle Ages, knights would take part in jousting

accuracy training by "running the rings".

You must ride up and down your lane, hooking one ring at a time

and bringing it back to your basket.

The first to collect six rings wins the Year Sphere. Are you ready?

In three, two, one.

KLAXON

So, here we go, then, with Lance-a-lot.

And they're off to a flying start.

Look at Lucas going!

Remy keeping pace with him in the background,

it has to be said.

This is very, very close.

But Lucas is absolutely flying! Look at him!

He looks very excited, doesn't he?

He certainly does, and it's a bit disturbing cos

his legs look disjointed from his body

and it's making me feel all queasy!

Don't worry, Rattus.

His real legs are actually tucked inside

that horse, so they're running along

the ground very, very quickly indeed.

And everyone's off the mark now.

There's a point apiece on the board.

Ooh, and Remy just missed out on that one, didn't he?

There goes Lucas again.

Oh-ho-ho! And something's tickled Remy, look.

He's smiling away. And Lucas delivers another one.

But Remy, the grinning Remy, not far behind.

Where's Mary Kate? That's what I'd like to know.

There she is and she scores.

And she's grinning too.

I did something similar once.

I used a Biro as a lance

and I ran through a doughnut shop!

Yes, I think I saw that footage on The World's Stupidest Rodents.

That's Lucas' third ring he's gathered there,

he's half way there already.

Mary Kate's getting one, as well.

She's going back, she's still in this as well.

She has trouble with the delivery.

She's veered off, that horse seems

to have a mind of its own, the grey there.

But it's not stopped her, that's excellent horsemanship.

Three apiece now!

Six rings needed to win, remember.

It's all getting very tense.

This could be anyone's race.

Oh, it's another one for Lucas.

Very good! Lucas takes a little bit of a lead there.

But not for long! Remy registers too.

Terrific work.

Remy's just pegging it.

He seems to have forgotten about the rings.

Rings, Remy, rings!

You've forgotten the rings!

There's another one delivered for Lucas.

It's going in, it's going in,

it's going in... It's in.

Superb. Oh, dear, Mary Kate's dropped another one.

Well, I should say that Lucas only

needs one more ring to end the game!

Remy has remembered it's about the rings.

He's hot on his heels, or hot on his hooves, should I say?

He's got five now, so it's a sprint to the finish.

Lucas or Remy? Remy or Lucas?

Well, it's probably not Mary Kate now, despite that ring.

Here comes Lucas! Is this the winning ring?!

Yes, he's done it!

Lucas is the first to six rings

and there's all manner of crazy dancing going on.

Congratulations, Lucas.

Help yourself to another Year Sphere there.

Commiserations, you two.

Time now for everyone's favourite game.

Well, my favourite game, anyway.

Yes, it's the Rattus Game!

And I've devised a special game called...

Now, the Aztecs had an unusual method of keeping their soil rich

and fertile, so have you all got your bows and arrows?

Ooh, I don't like the sound of this, suddenly.

So, yes, the Aztecs used to make their own unique sprinkler

system by filling an enemy warrior full of arrows.

They thought his blood would enrich the soil.

So, all we need now is an enemy warrior. Hmmm...

-Dave?

-No. No.

Which is Aztec for, "Yes, yes."

One point per hit, everybody! Off you go!

No, no, no! Put the arrows down, thank you.

Lucas, down.

Rattus, that is incredibly dangerous.

I mean, look at these things!

You could do a serious amount of damage with one of these.

-Ow!

-Sorry, Jeff.

Really hurt, actually.

Come on, it's just a flesh wound.

Thank you, Rattus, for that.

On to Round Two proper,

and to find out what's up next,

it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day.

Four questions again and here are your all-important Victorian topics.

So, Mary Kate, what'll you have?

Police, please.

True or false?

Constable William Atkinson, the first ever Victorian policeman,

was fired after just four weeks on the job.

Let's have a look at your answers.

Interesting. The boys think it's true, Mary Kate thinks it's false.

Let's find out.

It's false.

Constable Atkinson was fired just four hours after

he started, having already broken numerous rules.

OK, well done, Mary Kate.

It's your turn to pick a topic, Remy. What will you have?

Can I please have the Crimean War?

True or false?

In the Crimean War, the Russian enemy troops found out about the

exact location of the British Army by reading the Times newspaper.

That's a tricky one. What do you think?

Is that true or false?

Remy goes for false, Mary Kate and Lucas go for true.

What's the answer, please?

It's true. The Crimean War was the

first ever to be covered by a journalist,

William Russell, who wrote lots of detail,

and the Russians found it very useful, I can tell you.

You couldn't make it up.

Well, you could, but it wouldn't be quite as funny.

No, that's true.

Well played, Lucas and Mary Kate.

Excellent stuff.

And Lucas, it is your turn to pick a topic.

I will go for Newspapers.

Let's see how clever you really are.

Let's have a look.

Interesting, the boys agreeing on false,

Mary Kate out on her own with true.

What's the answer?

The fact of the matter is,

it's true.

Hang on, they had to iron out all the creases?

-Yes.

-What? Even the big one in the middle?

No Rattus, not that one. That would be ridiculous.

Mary Kate, congratulations,

you have won another point

and looking at the scores, you're two points ahead with only one

question left in this round, so we needn't ask it.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere, please.

CHOIR SINGS

Mary Kate, congratulations. As the winner of the Victorian quiz,

you are through to play the Victorian game.

But will it be just you,

or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out, shall we?

It's a Single Player Brainy Game.

So, Mary Kate, I hope you're feeling brainy.

Off down the Time Sewer, on your own this time.

-Bye, Dave.

-Bye!

Isambard Kingdom Brunel was a brilliant engineer,

but a rubbish magician.

Back in 1843, he got a coin stuck in his throat

while doing a magic trick and it nearly choked him to death.

He only managed to dislodge it thanks to a clever device

designed by his father. It's time to play...

Your challenge is to work out which cog goes where.

Once they're all in the right place, you can turn the wheel

and flip Brunel upside down to dislodge the coin, save his life

and win yourself a Year Sphere, but you've got to be quick.

You're against the clock, which is starting to tick now.

KLAXON

She's gone for the little one first, Rattus.

A good strategy.

Always good to start with a little one, Dave.

Yeah, well, she's done it.

She's going to try...

And she's gone back to the other end!

This is interesting.

She's doing the two end bits first.

Can't help feeling that's

a terrible, terrible mistake.

She's determined to shove

that into place if she can.

She's giving it a right old heave,

but eventually has had to concede defeat on that one.

Now, here she goes with a slightly redder one.

I wonder if that's going to be better in that location, Rattus.

No, I don't think so, Dave.

No, no, no.

She's a very measured pace, hasn't she?

She certainly has Dave, a very measured pace.

-I don't think anyone could accuse her of panicking here.

-No.

It might actually help her

if she were to go a little quicker, I can't help but think.

Yes, this is against the clock, I believe.

Brilliant engineer, Brunel.

Couldn't come up with a device to

dislodge the coin himself,

he had to rely on his father.

Well, that must have been hard to swallow.

DAVE LAUGHS

And Mary Kate's got the second cog in, lovely.

Do I have to tell you this?

Well, I probably do.

Do not put coins in your mouth

because you might choke!

Put them in your pocket.

Or, alternatively, put them in my pocket!

Or Rattus's tiny pocket that he keeps about his person.

What do you think you are, Rattus? Some kind of miniature kangaroo?

-MAN:

-30 seconds remaining.

She's running out of time here now, it has to be said.

Now that looks like it goes in there, so she's just one away.

Can she get this going?

I think she can! That looks to me like the right piece.

She's just got to slot it in...

No, where's she going?

Where is she going?

That was the correct piece.

That is far too much of a tiddler.

It's going to get on the peg,

but it's not going to touch the other cogs.

She needs to get the big yellow one back!

No, not that big yellow one!

The other big yellow one!

That one is just a bit too small as well.

She's only got two seconds left!

Time's up!

Oh, so close and yet so far.

Bad luck, Mary Kate.

Bad luck. No Year Sphere, sadly.

OK, Round Three and it's over to

the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Frightful First World War.

Four questions, as always,

and here are your four First World War topics.

So, Remy, what'll you have?

Can I go for cannons, please?

The Germans built a massive cannon that could fire shells

a distance of 12 kilometres.

But what was the gun known as?

Show me now.

Look at that, the boys agreeing again, it's uncanny.

Mary Kate with C. What's the answer?

The answer is...

The gun was made by a gun factory owned by the Krupp family,

and their grandmother was called Bertha.

Congratulations, though, lads, that's a point each there.

Let's go with the second question

and that's to be chosen by you, Lucas.

I'll go for the Mega-bomber!

The Mega-bomber!

Mega-bomber!

-That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

-Certainly is.

RATTUS CLEARS THROAT

The Swedish designer Villehad Forssman was

hired by the Germans to build a mega-bomber,

but fortunately his creation was too badly balanced for actual flight.

What was the bomber nicknamed?

Let's see those answers now, please.

Look at that. Lucas and Mary Kate agreeing on B,

Remy with C.

Rattus, what's the answer?

The answer is...

Yes, an expression for something that costs a lot

but is absolutely useless.

Why are you looking at me?

Cos it's your turn?

Yeah, you just about got out of that one.

Well played, you two.

Mary Kate, it's your turn to choose, what will you have?

Birds, please.

Your question is...

Answer that question now.

Well, a total spread.

Let's find out who's right.

The answer is...

So, Remy, well done. Well done indeed.

OK, the final question in this round, Greetings.

What did some German soldiers say to each other instead of

good morning or hello?

A - "May God punish England",

B - "May God Destroy France",

or C - "May God save Germany"?

Let's see those answers now, please.

Lucas and Mary Kate agreeing on B, Remy with C.

Let's find out who's right.

The answer is...

They said, "May God punish England."

Although they said it in German, obviously.

So no-one picks up any points there, I'm afraid, which means,

at the end of that round,

we have a tie breaker situation.

Lucas and Remy, get ready.

Beginning with the letter F,

which European country was on Britain's side...

-Remy?

-France.

Against Germany, the answer is indeed France.

Congratulations, Remy, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

There he goes.

And as winner of the First World War quiz,

Remy is through to play the First World War game.

But will it be just him or is everyone coming along?

Let's find out.

It's a Single Player Silly Game.

So, Remy, off down the Time Sewer on your own, please.

Oh, it's revolting.

It is revolting, you've heard it here first.

Food rations in the First World War trenches were dull and uninspiring,

but troops developed their own slang,

which made things a lot more fun.

It's time to play...

Five foods and five food slang names.

Your challenge, to select the foods from the store

and match them to the correct First World War slang name.

Make your choices, then touch the stinky boot to see

how many you've got right.

Keep trying different combinations

until you get all five right,

but you've got to be quick as you're against the clock.

And your time starts now.

KLAXON

So here we go with Remy's attempt at Know Your Onions.

And that for me is a meat pudding

and that is called a baby's head, according to Remy.

He's now put down a bit of bread and cheese there,

he reckons that's dog and maggot.

He thinks potatoes are cha.

Quite confusing, the food slang dog and maggot,

because maggot is, of course, already a delicious food.

You have three correct.

And off come the potatoes, as I very

much fancied the cha is the tea,

bombardier is the potatoes,

the soldier's going to announce...

All correct.

He's done it!

Which means Remy knows his onions.

Out you come, Remy. Terrific work.

Get yourself a Year Sphere.

Well played. Very good stuff.

It's time for the final round,

so it's over to the Gory Grid one last time,

to see what we've got.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

No quirky quiz in our final round,

it's straight to our big All Play Middle Ages endgame -

Feeling Eel.

And this is a Stupid Death game!

THUNDER CRASHES

So everybody get down

that sewer for a final time.

Go on, Remy. Very good.

Go on, Mary Kate.

-Bye!

-Bye!

Now it's over to you know who to explain the game.

Yes. King Henry I died from eating too many lampreys, which is

sort of like really ugly eels.

He loved them so much, he just couldn't stop himself

and soon he was feeling

really, really lamprey.

HE LAUGHS

Don't you mean really eel?

Oh, that's what I said!

The words aren't important.

The funny thing is that he died.

Anyway, the challenge is to fetch your slimy lampreys,

run down your lane and feed them into Henry I's mouth.

The person who gets the most in their Henry's mouth

within the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

And your time starts...

..now!

Here they go.

The eels, charging down the lane and Lucas is there like a flash.

And now they're ramming it down the... Oh...

Ramming it into Henry I's...

I mean, how Henry I could enjoy that experience,

I really don't know.

I mean, have you ever had

an earthworm forced down your throat,

for example, Rattus?

No, no, Dave, that's not something I enjoy.

And it does remind me, we must worm our dog.

Yeah, well, that does need to happen

and Henry I is getting

another one off Lucas there. That's terrible.

This is terrible business, isn't it?

No wonder it killed him in the end.

What happened to the real Henry I was that he had

too many lampreys, someone gave him

a laxative to get rid of them and it killed him.

Quite literally in the end.

Yeah, it killed him in the end,

you're absolutely right.

Mary Kate's struggling there,

she's gone in with the tail.

The important thing tactically here is to get

the head of the lamprey in first.

Everyone's made an excellent start then, but those eels are very

slimy and things will get very slippery very soon.

I think it's probably important to point out that

Henry I didn't have a see-through stomach.

He never had a Perspex covering on his stomach there, did he?

That is for the purposes of this game,

so that we can see how many

lampreys each of the contestants

has successfully delivered.

There's one being delivered by Mary Kate.

She's settling into a nice rhythm, isn't she?

An excellent rhythm there from Mary Kate.

Yeah, and Remy too.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Tick tock! Your time is running out!

LAUGHS

Yes, thanks for that, Death.

Remy seems to be slowing down a bit, doesn't he?

A little bit tired I think and...

Oh, he's over! Well, that's not good.

And he's crawling around at the end of the lane.

That's not going to get Henry fed.

Seconds to go now. Who can deliver those last vital eels?

Whoa, Remy's lost his footing again.

But, Lucas has fed in his sixth eel.

This is incredibly close, time really running out now.

Have Remy and Mary Kate got time to get one more eel in?

Time's up.

No, they haven't!

And if you leave an eel half way into the mouth, as Mary Kate

has there, I'm afraid that does not count.

Good effort. Back behind your podiums, please.

Glad to see you've all been de-slimed.

I can announce to you that the winner, with six eels...

was Lucas.

-Yes!

-Lucas, help yourself to a Year Sphere, please.

CHOIR SINGS

-Yes!

-Look at that, he's absolutely chuffed to pieces.

So, there we have it.

Now it's time to count up those Year Spheres and, remember,

AD dates are added and BC dates are subtracted.

Lucas if you'd start off with your end one, please.

That is 1658 AD.

The death of Oliver Cromwell that year.

Let's have a look at the next one.

Not too bad at all, it's 64 AD.

The Great Fire of Rome that year.

Let's look at this last one, could be crucial.

-1760 AD.

-Yes!

George III became king that year.

I can tell you that you've actually scored 3,482 points.

He's delighted with that and why wouldn't he be?

Now, Mary Kate, I don't think you can beat that,

but let's have a look at what you've got.

Oh, it's 776 BC.

The first ever ancient Olympics was that year.

Now, Remy, it's all on you, what have you got there?

Oh, dear, 212 BC. The death of the Greek inventor

and scientist Archimedes was that year.

Let's have a look at that last one.

43 AD.

The emperor Claudius

invaded Britain that year,

and Remy has scored minus 169 points.

And that means that today's winner,

with that score of 3,482 points,

is Lucas.

Yes, yes, it's true.

And, as a prize, we have something that money simply can't buy,

because nobody would dream of selling it.

Yes, it's some old rubbish that Rattus found in the Time Sewers.

What've you got for us today, Rattus?

Well, Dave, if you reach under the desk here.

And give us a drum roll.

Ah ha.

It's an Incan drum!

Made out of the skin of their enemy.

Thanks for that, Rattus.

RATTUS LAUGHS

There you go, Lucas. I wouldn't touch that, it's not pleasant.

Oh, thank you.

So, thanks to our gallant runners-up, Mary Kate and Remy,

who get to enjoy the raw thrill

and even rawer smell of a journey home through the Time Sewers.

I'm afraid this is not going to be pleasant. Goodbye.

-MARY KATE:

-See youse!

Bye! Don't get too messy!

If you want to play along at home next time,

don't forget to download the Gory Games app.

-Eurgh! Eurgh.

-Eurgh!

RATTUS LAUGHS

Thank you for joining me, Dave Lamb,

and putting up with him, Rattus Rattus.

You know you love me really.

I do really. We hope you enjoyed

these thoroughly Gory Games. Goodbye.