Episode 7 HH: Gory Games

-Five minutes, Mr Lamb.

-Thank you.

Five minutes, Rattus.

Thank you.

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# Better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games

with me, Dave Lamb.

And me, Rattus Rattus.

Rattus, when was the last time you washed?

I had a shower just this morning.

Oh, yeah? In the sewer presumably?

Obviously.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. Jeff.

Eurgh!

-Sorry about that, Jeff.

-My new shirt.

It's probably going to stain a little bit, that.

OK, let's crack on and meet our Horrible Historians.

My name's Calla and I'm from Glasgow.

Hello, Calla.

My name's Jay and I'm from Portsmouth.

Hello, Jay.

Hi, I'm Ellie and I'm from Northwich.

Hello, Ellie.

Welcome, everyone. And you can play along at home, too,

using the Gory Games app.

And if you haven't got it yet, check out the CBBC website.

OK, you are all playing to win Year Spheres.

At the end of the show, the person with the highest year score

will win a prize, as selected by Rattus.

Oh, yes, and it's a really good one, too. Ha!

So, on with the show, and to find out what our first round

is all about, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Slimy Stuarts.

So, four questions on Stuarts coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere.

And your four Stuart topics are...

So, Ellie, you get to pick first in this opening round,

-what would you like?

-Can I have Charles II, please?

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

True or false?

Charles II used to rub powdered poodle onto his skin.

Charles II used to rub powdered poodle onto his skin.

Is that true or is that false? Let's have your answers, please.

All right, Calla and Jay agreeing with true, Ellie has gone for false.

Rattus, what's the correct answer?

It's...false.

But he did rub ancient Egyptian mummy dust onto his skin.

He believed it would keep him strong and wise.

Oh, yes, rubbing dead old Egyptian all over your skin,

very wise, that is.

Well done, Ellie, you're off the mark. Superb start.

Jay, your turn to pick a category, what would you like?

Cures, please.

True or false?

If you were bleeding heavily,

a Stuart cure was to write Jennifer on your left thumb.

Is that true or is that false?

OK, Ellie and Jay have gone for true, Calla has gone for false.

Let's find out what the answer is.

It's false. Obviously that wouldn't work.

You have to write Veronica.

Of course you did, Veronica much more sensible than Jennifer.

Well done, Calla, that's a point for you.

OK, and it's your turn to pick a category, what would you like?

Charles I, please.

True or false?

When Charles I was a young prince, if he misbehaved in lessons,

he was given a severe whipping.

Ouch! What do you think, true or false?

Everyone's gone for true, are they all right or wrong?

It's false.

The prince was not allowed to be beaten

so he had a whipping boy called Will Marry.

If Charles misbehaved, the teachers beat his friend instead.

Imagine if I had a whipping boy, eh?

I'd be even more badly behaved.

Yes, to be honest, I'm not sure that's possible.

But you're all still in this round,

the final question of which is on Moliere.

Oh, good news, Rattus. This is a question from Death!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

True or false?

The famous French actor and playwright Moliere

had a stupid death on stage while playing the role of a doctor.

Moliere had a stupid death on stage while playing the role of a doctor.

Is that true or false? Let's see those answers, please.

Everyone's gone for true. Death, are they all right or all wrong?

It's false.

Moliere was actually playing the part of a hypochondriac,

someone who thinks they're ill when they're not.

But turns out he actually was ill!

He died! Ha-ha! Very funny!

Actually, I feel like death,

which is fine, because I am Death!

Keep up!

No points in that one and that means the score is one to Ellie,

one to Calla and none for Jay, so just for the moment,

Jay, you are history.

The two girls are going into a tie breaker.

Beginning with the letter B, which fruit was new

and exciting in Stuart... Ellie.

Banana.

Banana is absolutely right.

Congratulations, Ellie, you have won the quiz.

Which means it's time for you to choose your Year Sphere,

and it's time for me to say,

"all hail the potty pyramid".

Gasp at its pointiness.

Ellie, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Tremendous work.

Winning the Stuart quiz means that Ellie is automatically through

to play the Stuart game.

But will she be alone, or will everyone else get to play?

Let's find out.

It's an all-play silly game.

So that means it's off down the Time Sewer with the whole lot of you.

Go on, Calla, lead us off.

-Bye.

-Bye.

Yes, it does stink rather badly.

When Oliver Cromwell had his portrait painted

by Dutch artist Peter Lely, he insisted it be truthful,

complete with blemishes, pimples, warts and all.

It's time to play...

Three portraits of Oliver Cromwell but something is missing.

Where are his warts? Your challenge, to fire warts onto your portraits.

The person with the most warts on Cromwell's face

in the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

So pick up those paintbrushes, as your time starts now.

HORN BLOWS

And away they go.

One landing instantly there from Calla, tremendous first effort.

Not quite such an explosive start from Jay and Ellie

but they're doing nicely, too.

Ahh, Calla, oh, it's a second one.

She really knows how to flick a wart.

Goodness knows where she's learned to do that.

Jay now sizing one up.

And he's off the mark.

Have you ever had any warts, Rattus?

Mainly on my bottom, Dave.

OK, I wish I hadn't asked that question.

Right on the nose thankfully from Ellie,

it's red nose day for Cromwell!

Oliver Cromwell of course also had moles but we thought,

little bit tricky to flick moles, er...

They also squeak very loudly when they hit things.

They do, when they impact they make an awful racket, don't they, Rattus?

Yeah. Yeah, that's what it sounds like, it's awful,

absolutely horrific to listen to.

Ellie is coming from nowhere here, she's up to three, they're level.

Can either of them edge ahead? That's the million-dollar question.

Can anyone break the deadlock here?

Yes, Ellie gets her fourth.

Dave, if you got someone to paint a portrait of your face,

without all your blemishes, would there be anything left to paint?

Just asking, just asking!

Not answering, not answering.

And Ellie leads with five.

Can the others catch up?

30 seconds remaining.

Cromwell's death mask, a wax mould made of his face when he died,

shows that the portrait Peter Lely painted was incredibly accurate.

I think you mean dead accurate.

Ho-ho! I think I do.

And look at Ellie here, her technique is remarkable.

Her Cromwell is utterly covered in warts.

But Calla and Jay are finding their form in these last few seconds,

this is very exciting.

It's an out-and-out fight here between the girls.

Jay, I'm afraid, is not really going to threaten from here,

but which of the girls will do it?

Time's up.

Oh, it was so close, but Ellie's bagged herself a Year Sphere.

Very good effort.

Ellie, you can go straight to get yourself another Year Sphere.

Pick carefully though because the AD dates will be added

to your total score, BC dates will be taken away from it.

Have you flung warts at anyone before?

No. I've tried to though.

And how were you with the paddle, Calla, with the flicking action?

Did you find it easy?

It starts off quite hard but then it gets easier.

Right, well, it was very close between you two girls,

but you just came through, Ellie, well done.

Round two, and to find out what's up next,

it's back over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

Four questions again and your four topics to choose from are...

So, Jay, it's your turn to pick first this time, what will you have?

Crime, please.

It's a right tricky one, this.

If you committed a crime in the Middle Ages,

how long were you allowed to hide in a church?

Was it...

Let's see an answer now, please.

Ellie and Jay agreeing on B, Calla has gone with A.

What's the answer?

The answer is B.

You could claim sanctuary in a church for up to 40 days,

and no-one was allowed to arrest you.

So the answer was B, Ellie and Jay off the mark in this round.

But it is your turn to pick a topic, Calla.

Jobs, please.

That is a prop question.

HE SIGHS

What's the matter with you?

My booby trap's broken.

Oh, dear! What a terrible shame that is.

Oh. Oh.

That one's still fine, though.

Oh... This is the prop. No thanks to Rattus.

What we have here is a jar of leeches.

Now, in the Middle Ages, you could have a job

collecting leeches for medical use.

You had to go along to a leech-filled pond and do what?

Was it...

You've all said C.

The answer is in fact C.

You'd have to stand in the lake and wait for the leeches to bite,

then you'd have to pull 'em off and bag them.

Well done, that's a point for all of you.

Superb effort, and, Ellie, it is your turn to pick a category.

William II, please.

King William II of England died in a hunting accident in 1100 AD,

but what killed him?

Was it...

A, a wild boar.

B, his own horse.

Or C, an arrow?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Everyone's gone for C again.

Are they all right or are they all wrong?

The answer is C - an arrow.

During the hunt, William II was shot in mysterious circumstances

by Walter Tyrell, one of his own men.

So, a point to everyone there.

The last question in this round is on Bridges.

If you were on a boat in the Middle Ages,

why was it a bad idea to sail under a bridge?

A, it was considered bad luck.

B, some bridges were public toilets.

Or C, people would often throw spears from bridges to catch fish?

Ooh, that's a tricky one. What do you think?

Look at that, everyone going for a different answer.

Let's find out who's right.

The answer is B.

Some bridges were public toilets with holes that emptied

straight into the river.

Or onto sailors' heads, ugh!

Yes, the bridges were public toilets.

So we could play Pooh poos. Like Pooh sticks, only with poos.

I think you'll be playing that one on your own, Rattus.

Excellent. Ellie, congratulations,

that extra point for you means you have won yet another Year Sphere.

Congratulations, help yourself.

Er...

Ellie, as the winner of the Middle Ages quiz,

you're through to play the Middle Ages game.

But will you play on your own or will the others join in with you?

Let's find out.

It's an all-play Gory Game.

So that means all of you, back down that Time Sewer.

Go on, Calla. Bye, Jay.

Oh, my glasses have all steamed up!

William the Conqueror's funeral was memorable to say the least.

His servants stole his treasure and the church caught fire.

It's time to play...

You are William's servants

and your challenge is to take his treasure and put it in your chest.

All the treasure is colour-coded and you must only take your own loot.

But you'd better be quick because the church is going to catch fire.

Whoever collects the most pieces wins the Year Sphere.

And your time starts now.

HORN BLOWS

There they go, into their thieving very, very quickly.

Calla making a good start.

And Ellie's picked herself a candlestick already.

And there, well, there's Jay, he's got one too.

That's excellent, this is all very good... Oh, it's closed.

-We've not seen this before.

-We haven't.

The lid is closed, I think what she's going to do here

-is open the lid again.

-Open the lid.

Oh, she's already done it.

Well, that wasn't quite as dramatic a moment as we thought, Rattus.

-Spoilt it a bit really for me.

-Yeah, what a shame. Never mind.

Back in the game, Ellie's drawn level with Calla

with a lovely little goblet.

She's doing very nicely, she's thieving at great speed.

Jay seems to be getting a bit hung up with that plate.

Meanwhile, Calla has got four items already. Terrific stuff.

Terrific stuff.

Rattus, William's body was so bloated and rotten

at his funeral that he exploded, so if we're lucky, wow, there he goes.

That has covered Calla in unspeakable goo.

That certainly explains why this game is called Yuckaroo.

William the Conqueror, RIP. Rest in Pieces.

Quite literally, Dave, in pieces.

Yeah. Yeah.

30 seconds remaining.

Calla, meanwhile, is notching up an impressive haul here.

An impressive, impressive haul.

Jay seems to be stuck on that rather superb goblet, I suppose.

And if you see one of those for sale at a market near you,

please report it to the police, because it's Jay who's stolen it.

It's a race against the clock for the girls here.

And it's getting smoky. The fire really taking hold now.

Oh, that's a lovely bit of thieving

but I don't think she's got the right colour there.

Time's up.

And Ellie unfortunately fell foul of the colour-coding law,

and so Calla takes that one by a whisker.

Very, very, very close game, that was. Excellent stuff.

And the winner, with six pieces of treasure, was Calla.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Right, round three and it's over to the Gory Grid to find out

what's up next.

It's the Nasty Knights.

Four questions, as always, and here are your four knight topics.

So, Calla, what'll you have?

Erm, French Knights, please.

True or false?

The French knight Bertrand Du Guesclin, born in 1320,

was such an ugly child

that his parents pretended he wasn't their son.

Is that true or is that false? Let's see your answers, please.

Well, Ellie and Jay going for true, Calla on her own with false.

What's the answer?

It's true.

Despite being their eldest, they made him eat dinner in the stables.

Happily he grew up to be incredibly famous and powerful.

Dave, it sounds like your life story.

Except for the famous and powerful bit.

LAUGHTER

OK, let's award points.

I'm going to give one to Ellie and one to Jay.

Next question, that is up to you, Ellie. What will you chose?

Can I have Messages, please?

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

It certainly is. Thank you very much. True or false?

Besieged castles kept in touch with friends on the outside

by attaching messages to rats.

So, besieged castles kept in touch with friends on the outside

by attaching messages to rats.

Is that true or is that false?

Well, they've all gone for false.

Rattus, what is the answer?

Well, it is indeed false, yes.

But they did use carrier pigeons,

an idea learned from the Saracens in the Middle East.

Although pigeons sometimes landed in the enemy camps, it's true,

and gave away all the secrets.

Still, a point for each of you. Well played.

Jay, your turn to pick a topic.

Knights of the Bath, please.

True or false? In England,

so-called Knights of the Bath were knighted whilst in the bath.

Is that true or is that false?

Let's see those answers now, please.

Well, you've all gone for false.

Are you all right or are you all wrong?

Let's find out, what's the answer, please?

It's false.

Although they did have to bathe before their knighting ceremony,

and sometimes they even bathed with the king.

Which, to be honest, I still find a little weird.

Excellent, that's a point each again.

The last category in this round is Babies,

and the question is this.

Is this true or false?

Could that possibly be true? Show me your answers now, please.

Everybody has gone for true.

What's the answer?

The answer is, it's true.

I don't know much about health and safety

but that sounds like a bad idea.

Absolutely, and if any of you do have fathers who are knights,

please don't eat food from the tip of his sword.

Particularly if you've only just been born.

OK, brilliant, that's another point for everybody, well played.

And look at that, Jay and Ellie, we have a tie-breaker situation.

Beginning with the letter S,

what weapon would a knight keep in his scabbard?

Sword?

Jay, sword is absolutely right. Well buzzed in.

You've won yourself a Year Sphere, please take it now.

Have you got a nose for stinkers? I certainly have.

Well done, Jay.

You have won the knights quiz

and you're through to play the knights game.

But will you be playing alone

or will everyone else get to play with you?

Let's find out.

It's a single-player game.

So get down that Time Sewer on your own, Jay.

Woohoo!

Well, I hope he's feeling brave because it's time to play...

And this is a Stupid Death game.

I love this story.

In 1291, some crusaders made a night-time raid on a Saracen camp.

But one of them tripped over a tent rope and fell into a toilet hole

where he got stuck in poo and drowned!

I bet he looked flushed.

Flushed! It was a toilet.

Anyway, your challenge is to get from one side

of the Saracen camp to the other, and rescue your friend

from the poo pit without waking the sleeping Saracen.

Touch a tent rope and the bells will ring.

Do it three times and it's game over.

And your time starts now.

So here goes Jay, through the first set of ropes.

He's going for a sort of low-level crawling technique,

I've not seen that before, Rattus.

Oh, he's twanged a rope.

No bells yet though. Very lucky.

Ah, he really needs to be up on his feet at this bit.

This is a much easier game to play if you're standing up and balancing.

Oh, he's rung a bell there.

Oh, and he's done it again, that's two bells tinkled now.

Nothing worse than a butt tinkle, Dave.

No. That really was a genuine butt tinkle there.

I don't want to be the voice of doom, Rattus, but I'm going to be!

-I like that.

-It's not looking good for Jay here.

One more ring and that Saracen'll be up and at him.

Tick tock, your time is running out.

I really wish Death wouldn't do that, it's not helping.

Well, this is it, his last attempt and I think this

low-down technique is not doing him any favours, is it, Rattus?

Look how close his head is to that. He's touching it.

Oh, it's tinkling.

That Saracen's up. I think we should probably cut away from this,

it's going to get messy.

And poor old Jay has absolutely had it.

Welcome back, welcome back.

That was so close, but sadly no Year Sphere.

What was the most challenging thing about it?

Probably trying to make yourself small enough to fit through.

Yeah, superb effort.

It's the final round, so it's over to the Gory Grid one last time

to find out what we've got.

It's the Terrible Tudors.

No quirky quiz in our final round,

it's straight on to our big all-play Tudor endgame.

And it's a very silly one. Get down that Time Sewer.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Bye.

HE COUGHS

It's time to play...

Henry VIII certainly liked pie.

Your challenge is to feed him as many as possible.

The person who gets the most pies in their Henry's mouth

in the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

Get ready then, because it's pie time.

It's going to be Henry VIII who eats all the pies, isn't it, Rattus?

Absolutely right there, Dave. Pie, gravy and all.

Well, yes, I'd say that, judging by the way all those three pies

fell short, maybe he won't be eating anything today.

He's going to be going home hungry tonight, Dave.

I think you're absolutely right, Rattus.

Not as many pies as usual there and this is why.

Frankly some wild throwing going on here.

It's a shame Henry can't move around, in many ways.

The bungee cords there, not very historically accurate,

but terrifically amusing.

Henry, nothing yet. Absolutely starving.

-Oh!

-As you speak.

As I say that, Ellie lands a pie.

30 seconds remaining.

Just 30 seconds remaining now,

and thank goodness because they're looking extremely tired.

Ouch.

They're getting about a quarter of the way up the lane now,

look at that. Oh, no!

Good throw, it was a good throw, it was a very good throw.

Oh, look at poor old Ellie, she is looking tired.

-She's looking tired but maybe...

-Oh, slippy doodah!

Oops, she slippy doodahed there but maybe Ellie's done enough,

you never know. You have to say, these guys are making history

with their inability to feed poor old Henry.

Time's up.

Wow, a single pie wins it for Ellie.

A very interesting final game there.

Not that many pies going into Henry VIII's mouth, were there?

In fact, there was one pie which went into Henry VIII's mouth,

that the winner of the last Year Sphere is Ellie.

-Help yourself, please, Ellie.

-Yay.

-Yay.

This could be crucial. The last Year Sphere, there it goes across.

Put down with due reverence.

Now it's time to count up those Year Spheres

and remember AD dates are added and BC dates are subtracted.

It's the moment of truth.

So let's have a look at your first Year Sphere, Ellie.

1605 AD, a nice start.

The gunpowder plot, of course, was that year.

Let's have a look at the second one.

Oh, no! Oh, no!

2500 BC.

Stones were added to Stonehenge round about then.

Let's have a look at that third sphere, this could be vital.

1945 AD.

Well, the end of the Second World War, of course, that year.

That gets you well back into a positive score.

The turn of this last sphere could be crucial -

let's have a look at it.

Oh, 1341 BC. Tutankhamun became pharaoh that year.

Well, Ellie, that has left you with a total of minus 291.

But it's not necessarily all over.

Jay, can you beat minus 291 with your sphere?

Let's have a look.

You can!

1854 AD, the beginning of the Crimean War,

puts you in pole position.

It's a straight fight between 1854

and whatever Calla has got in her Year Sphere.

Let's have a look at it now, let's see, this is for the game.

Open it up, please.

1901 AD!

Queen Victoria died that year.

So today's winner, with 1901 points, is Calla.

But she may well wish she hadn't won because her prize, of course,

has been fished out of a Time Sewer by Rattus Rattus.

Excuse me, today's prize is excellent.

A piece of undercover spy equipment

from the Second World War that's worthy of James Bond himself.

Wow. Oh, let me guess, is it a pen that fires a laser?

-Better.

-It's not a watch you can drive a car with?

-Better.

-Is it a pair of glasses that turn into a helicopter?

No, it's a land mine disguised as a cowpat.

What? You can't give a land mine as a prize!

Yeah, I thought you'd say that, so that one's actually just a cowpat.

Brilliant. Well, congratulations, Calla, there you go.

You lucky thing.

So a smelly cowpat for Calla,

and I'm afraid you two will also be getting caked

in a bit of you-know-what,

as you're getting flushed home through the Time Sewers.

Oh, heavens, off you go. You didn't know about this, did you?

Go, go, go, go, go. Enjoy yourself.

If you want to play along at home next time,

don't forget to download the Gory Games app.

RATTUS LAUGHS

THEY GROAN

I'm Dave Lamb, and I certainly need a bit of wash.

And I'm Rattus Rattus, and I never wash.

-And you've been watching Gory Games. Goodbye.

-Bye-bye.

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# Games! #