Episode 12 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You'd better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games with me, Dave Lamb,

-and my ir-rat-ating assistant, Rattus Rattus.

-"Ir-rat-ating"?

That's very funny. But it's not very nice.

No, it's not, and neither is using my toothbrush as a back scratcher.

-Yeah... Ah. Er, fair enough. Apologies.

-Yes...

This is the show where you get to test your knowledge

of Horrible Histories by playing games that cover you

not only in glory but also in gunge.

So, let's meet today's foolhardy Horrible Historians.

-Hi. I'm George.

-I'm Hope.

-Hi, I'm Saklane.

-Lovely to see you all.

-And you can play along at home, too,

using the brilliant Gory Games app.

If you haven't got it yet, go to the CBBC website.

George, Hope, Saklane, you are playing to win Year Spheres.

Each Year Sphere contains a historical date,

and at the end of the show your Year Sphere dates will be added

together with AD dates being "ADded" to your total

and BC dates being "suBtraCted" from it.

So if these were your Year Spheres, your total would be, Rattus...?

735.

Yes! That's right! Say that again.

-Three.

-Yeah, I thought that was too good to be true. 735 is the answer.

At the end of the show, the person with the highest year score

will win a unique historical prize.

That's right, something I've chosen myself.

-Which, sadly, can only be bad news.

-Oi!

-Well...!

Right, let's get cracking. And to find out who this round's about,

it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Awful Egyptians.

Four questions on the Awful Egyptians coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere.

And your four Egyptian topics are:

George, it's your turn to pick first in this round. What do you fancy?

Erm, Pyramids, please.

-Pyramids!

-True or false:

pyramids, our burial tombs, were built near the Nile

so in the afterlife we could have a nice view of the mighty river.

Pyramids were built near the Nile so that in the afterlife

the pharaohs would have a nice view of the mighty river.

Let's see those answers now, please.

OK! Hope and Saklane agreeing on true, George is on his own on false

and looks like he's beginning to regret it. Let's see who's right.

It's false.

They were built near the Nile as the huge stones had to be

carried from quarries by boat.

Nothing to worry about, George, you were absolutely right.

You get the first point. Hope, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Can I have Pets, please?

Pets. That's a question from my esteemed colleague Mr Rattus Rattus.

True or false:

after they died, wealthy people had their pet cats mummified, as well.

Mm... So, what do you think? Is that true or is that false?

Let's see those answers now, please.

Everybody has gone for true. Interesting.

Rattus, are they all right or all wrong?

They are all...

-right!

-HE LAUGHS

Yes, it's true! And I certainly am in favour of cats being mummified.

All cats. Whether alive or dead. The sooner the better!

RATTUS LAUGHS

-What? I'm a rodent! I don't like cats.

-Yes, that is coming across.

Saklane, your turn to pick a topic.

-Dates.

-Dates.

That is a prop question.

We love a prop question, especially one we can eat after.

Not yet. There they are, dates. True or false:

Egyptians used trained goats to pick dates from tall trees.

I think you'll find the answer's true.

Or maybe false.

Let's see those answers now, please.

Everybody has gone for false. I can tell you that it is...

false. Well done. They used trained baboons, in fact.

Right, George, you're in the lead with three,

but anyone could catch up by getting this right.

The final question in this round is on Servants.

True or false:

us pharaohs did very little for ourselves,

and even had a servant to wipe our bottoms.

-Bottom!

-HE LAUGHS

It's...

Bottom!

I do apologise. Rattus finds the word "bottom" extremely amusing.

RATTUS LAUGHS

Enough now, Rattus. OK, let's see those answers now, please.

Everybody has gone for true. What's the answer?

It's true.

Didn't honestly expect me to do it myself, did you?

Anyway, being a royal bum wiper was a top job.

Well, more of a bottom one.

RATTUS AND PHARAOH LAUGH

There's that B word again. It's set him off, I'm afraid.

At the end of that round, George, you have got maximum points.

Fantastic! And that means that you have won the quiz.

-It's time to pick a Year Sphere.

-Push, push, push, push, push!

RATTUS LAUGHS

Hey, George, there we go. Come and pick a Year Sphere. Go on.

Do you want a clue?

-I haven't got a clue.

-You said it.

Oi, cheeky!

-You sure that's the one you want?

-Yes.

-OK.

Push, push, push, push, push, push!

So, winning the quiz means that George is automatically through

to play the Egyptian game, but will he be alone

or will everyone get to play? Let's find out.

It's an all-play silly game!

So it's off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you! Lead on, Saklane.

-See ya, George!

-It stinks!

RATTUS CHUCKLES

Now, Egyptian pharaoh King Pepi II was just six years old

when he came to the throne, which might explain

some of his more unusual ideas, such as this one.

Flies were a huge problem in ancient Egypt,

but King Pepi had a solution -

pour honey over slaves and stand them in the corners of the room

to attract the flies.

It's time to play...

You are a honey slave.

Your challenge - to catch as many flies on your honey suit

and fly swat as possible.

The person who catches the most flies in the time limit wins

the Year Sphere. And here come those flies, in three, two, one.

HOOTER BLARES

So, here we go, then, with the Egyptian honey slaves,

and they're trying to catch those flies on their fly swats

-and on their person, Rattus.

-They certainly are, Dave.

Of course, their person being covered, smothered in honey.

Yeah, absolutely. And there's a lovely spread of flies, isn't there?

Very much being spread out there in a nice, wide arc.

Got our contestants running around a bit, which I like to see.

Mm, honey and flies! Or as I call it,

-sweet and sour.

-HE LAUGHS

-Truly revolting.

-Can you smell them on my breath?

RATTUS BREATHES OUT

Ohhh! Oh, what a hoy that was.

George has managed to use both sides of his swat, which is

an excellent move early doors, and Hope's done the same.

No flies about their person as yet.

Maybe that honey not quite as sticky as they thought.

George and Hope in the lead together there.

Oh, and George has taken the lead on his own.

-BELL TOLLS

-30 seconds remaining.

There's 30 seconds left, so they'll want to get catching those flies.

George and Hope level pegging now.

Maybe, Rattus, you might want to think about brushing your teeth

one day, as well, just going back to that breath stink earlier.

Just have a think about it.

Saklane has got one on his head! Oh, and they're coming thick

and fast now at the end of the game, the flies. Look at that! Fly!

Fly, fly, fly! No wonder King Pepi wanted to get rid of them!

They're everywhere! There are flies everywhere!

-BUZZER

-Time's up.

That's the end of the game, and Hope has been the best at catching flies.

Stick her in the corner and cover her in honey.

Welcome back.

Back behind your podiums, please.

Marvellous. And the winner, with 14, was Hope.

So, congratulations, Hope. Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

-This one.

-Ooh, is that one a good one or is it a bad one?

We will find out at the end of the show.

On to round two, and to find out what's up next,

it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Vicious Vikings.

Four questions again, and here are your all-important Viking topics.

Hope, it's your turn to pick first this time.

-What are you going to go for?

-I'll go for Toilets, please.

Toilets! And, not surprisingly, that is a question from Mr Rattus Rattus.

I don't know why you're assuming that.

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Which of these would Vikings use

instead of toilet paper?

Ouch! What do you think? Is that A, B or C?

Let's see your answers now, please.

OK! The boys agreeing on A, Hope out on her own with B.

What's the answer, Rattus?

Well, I can tell you it's actually

A, moss.

Yes, so next time you're about to sit on some moss,

-do first check it for Viking poop.

-HE LAUGHS

Safety first. OK, Saklane, it's your turn to choose a topic.

-Let's see. Deaths.

-Deaths.

Let's see if you know this one. My question is:

Was it A, stones, B, dinner plates or C, cow bones?

There they are, all in total agreement.

Are they all wrong or all right?

Let me put you out of your misery. The answer is...

I've had cow bones thrown at me, too,

when I was spotted in my local butcher's.

You were lucky to get away with just cow bones, to be honest.

-George, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Explorers, please.

-Explorers!

-Answer me this, if you can.

Was it A, Iceland, B, Australia or C, America?

Let's see your answers now, please.

OK, Hope and Saklane going for A, George out on his own on C

and looking very, very alarmed by that! Who's right?

The fact is, it's...

Well, there you go, George.

That's right, a Viking was the first European to land in America,

-over 1,000 years ago.

-Did you learn about that in school, Dave?

Or were you actually on the ship?

Oh, dear. Right, one question left in this round.

George, if you were to get it right, you would win another Year Sphere.

Your final question is on Word Plays, and here it is.

We Vikings loved to use "kennings", or word play,

but what did we mean when we spoke of

"the sweat of the sword"? Did we mean:

Well, a really tricky one to finish with. What do you think?

Is that A, B or C? Let's see your answers now, please.

OK, the boys going for B, Hope on her own with C. What's the answer?

We also called blood "the sea of the wound".

Well, er, we needed quite a lot of words for blood.

We spilled a lot of it.

A lot.

RATTUS LAUGHS It's true, though, isn't it, Rattus?

-It is very true. Those naughty Vikings!

-They were very naughty!

So, at the end of that round, George,

you've got a maximum score for the second time!

That means you've won the Year Sphere. Help yourself.

So, George, you have won the quiz, and because of that,

you're through to play the Viking game.

But will it be just you, or will the others get to play, too?

Let's find out.

Ooh, it's a single-player brainy game!

So, George, get your thinking cap on and get back down that Time Sewer.

Whoo-ooh!

Whoo-ooh! Funny way to say goodbye.

Vikings didn't just raid Britain. Many of them stayed.

Must have liked our lovely weather.

And some Viking words have since become part of the English language.

It's time to play...

Seven words, but two don't come from the Vikings.

Your challenge - to work out which five do.

Choose five words and move them to the Viking board,

then touch the Viking axe - not the sharp bit, mind -

to find out how many you've got right.

Keep trying new combinations of names until you've got all five.

But you've got to be quick - you're against the clock.

And your time starts now! HOOTER BLARES

He's looking for five Viking words.

WELCOME is the first one he's gone for.

Is he going to do this? Why not have a guess on the Gory Games app?

RANSACK - well, that sounds right, doesn't it, Rattus?

RATTUS CHUCKLES Here he goes.

What's his third choice going to be?

NAUSEA. Interesting. Interesting choice.

SCREAM - that sounds as if it might be right to me, as well.

RATTUS SCREAMS

You're not going to act them all out, are you?

Oh, IDIOT - maybe you are!

-And he touches the axe.

-You have three right.

He's got three right! Two of those are wrong. And off comes NAUSEA.

SCARE looks better than NAUSEA to me.

SCARE looks a very Viking word, in my opinion.

He's not touched the axe! How's he going to know if that's correct?

Never mind, he's taken off IDIOT and he's put on HIT.

Well, let's see. Maybe he doesn't need another go.

You have all five right!

-No, he doesn't! He's got all five!

-He's there!

-He's got all five.

-Celebration!

-It's game over.

Well played, well played indeed.

Go and grab yourself a Year Sphere, why don't you?

So, you're quite right, IDIOT and NAUSEA aren't Viking words.

They actually come from Greek.

SCARE, HIT, RANSACK, SCREAM are words we get from the Vikings,

as, rather surprisingly, is WELCOME.

Obviously, SCREAM is a Viking word.

They needed a word for that thing people did when they saw them.

That is true. Over to the Gory Grid, then, to find out what's up next.

It's the Gorgeous Georgians.

Four questions, as always, and here are your four Georgian topics.

So, Saklane, it's your turn to pick first.

-What are you going to go for?

-Kings.

-Kings.

That is a question from Mr Rattus Rattus.

At the end of the Georgian era, which king reigned after George I,

George II, George III and George IV?

Was it:

So, what do you think?

Let's see those answers now, please.

There we go, everybody has gone for B.

No-one has gone for King Rattus I, thankfully.

-What's the answer, Rattus?

-The answer is...

A bit of a trick question, I admit,

but the last king of the Georgian era wasn't a George. Oh, no.

And just in case you were wondering,

Dave, King Rattus I is going to be the next king of Britain.

In your dreams.

-Right, George, your turn to pick a topic.

-Erm, Napoleonic Wars, please.

Napoleonic Wars.

When Britain was at war with France,

a French warship sank off the coast of Hartlepool,

and the only survivor was an animal dressed in French military uniform.

But what kind of animal was it?

Was it A, a cat...

RATTUS SPITS ..B, a horse, or C, a monkey?

OK, they've all completely agreed with each other again on C.

Let's find out if that's the answer.

The answer is C, a monkey.

The good people of Hartlepool, having never seen a Frenchman,

assumed the monkey was one and, after a brief trial,

had the monkey executed.

-Oh! It's horrible. It's horrible! But it's true.

-Yeah. Grisly. Grisly!

-So, Hope, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Er, Pets, please.

Pets it is.

Oh, this is exciting! The question is:

What do you think? Is it A, B or C? Let's see those answers now, please.

Up they come. The boys agreeing on A, Hope out on her own with B.

-Let's find out.

-I can tell you, the answer is...

Well! Who'd have thought that, eh?

Well, Hope would, because she got it right.

RATTUS LAUGHS

-It's true.

-It is true.

-It's true.

-Bad luck, though, George.

That means you can't get your maximum.

But you are still in this round with one question left,

and that question is on Puffers.

What was Captain Richard's Puffer?

A, a steam train, B, a treatment for asthma,

or C, a Georgian factory chimney.

So, what was Captain Richard's puffer?

Was it A, a steam train, B, a treatment for asthma

or C, a Georgian factory chimney?

That is C for George and Hope, B for Saklane. Let's find out who's right.

The answer is A.

It was a steam train built by Richard Trevithick in 1804.

It was the first ever to run on rails.

I wonder if it was due in 1704.

You know, the first train arrived in 1804, so it was a bit late!

-GEORGIAN MAN:

-Oh...

-I don't get it.

-Oh, suit yourself. Georgians!

Yep, I know what you mean.

Excellent. Well, at the end of that round, we see that Hope,

with three points, is the winner of the Year Sphere.

Help yourself, Hope.

So, Hope, you're through to play the Georgian game.

Will it be just you, or is everyone else coming along? Let's find out.

Well, it's a single-play silly game!

So, Hope, off down the Time Sewer with you.

Laters!

Laters... RATTUS CHUCKLES

Picture the scene.

It's the 21st of October 1805, and the British Royal Navy are about

to face the might of the combined French and Spanish fleets.

It's time to play:

You are a British Navy gunner.

Your mission - to load, aim and fire your cannon at the enemy ships.

You score a point for every enemy ship you shoot

and lose a point for every British ship you hit.

Score six points in the time limit to win your Year Sphere.

And battle begins now!

HOOTER BLARES So, here comes Hope to play

the Battle of Trafalgar.

And straight away I'm noticing that that ship is moving about.

-It's a rough day at sea today, Rattus.

-It certainly is.

Oh, that was close! That pinged up off the sea.

I don't know how she did that. A bit like skimming stones, I suppose.

But it didn't trouble the ship.

Oh, and she's done it again. Again, incredibly close,

but again a little skimmer. She's wrestling with that cannon!

She's already got two balls away here.

But she's not struck an enemy vessel as yet.

I have to say, Hope has been very unlucky here.

They're all in the right ball park but not striking the target.

Again, another good example of that.

She really is wrestling with that cannon nicely.

There's the first!

There's the first successful strike, a Spanish galleon off to

Davy Jones's locker down at the bottom of the old ocean.

There's the seagull back again. Afternoon, squire.

There's another one. She's doing very, very well,

but she is running out of time, and if anything, she's speeding up.

This is an incredible performance, actually. Another ship goes down!

She could just about still do this if she doesn't miss another ship.

Oh, and she's missed there. I think that one may cost her.

But she's struggling on manfully.

This is an extraordinary performance from Hope.

Oh, just two more needed now, but she's running out of time.

She's wrestling with her cannon while the ship is being tossed

and turned on what is now a mountainous sea.

She strikes the last one... HOOTER BLARES

..right on the hooter, and after an absolutely heroic effort,

I'm afraid it's not quite worked out for Hope.

Very bad luck. Well, what an amazing effort that was.

And you just missed it by one. But it was a very, very good effort.

Very bad luck.

After Admiral Lord Nelson's death at the Battle of Trafalgar,

a magnificent memorial was erected in his honour,

and he can now be seen on top of Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Square.

In life, Nelson was fired upon by enemy snipers. In death...

Nelson is fired upon by enemy pigeons.

RATTUS LAUGHS Time for the final round.

Over to the Gory Grid one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

No quirky quiz in our final round.

It's straight to our big all-play Middle Ages endgame,

and it is a very messy one!

-Everybody, get back down that Time Sewer one last time.

-See ya!

Green, rolling fields, the smell of freshly cut grass,

lambs prancing in the springtime.

Not my relatives - actual lambs.

That's what I try to imagine while we're playing our next game,

because it's absolutely disgusting. Yes, we're going...

"Gong," I'm afraid, was a Middle Ages word for poo,

and your job is to collect the "gong" from the cesspit,

carry it along your lane and slop it into your measuring cylinder.

Whoever collects the most collects the Year Sphere.

But beware, some Middle Ages types would poo directly

onto the street below, so mind your heads.

Ready, steady, get sloppin'!

HOOTER BLARES

So, here we go, then, with the Gong Farming, and believe you me,

it may look dry out there at the moment, but by the end

of this game the place is going to be crawling with gong.

Here they go, then, with their first payload being taken out.

Look at that! George was down there like a flash,

but not a huge amount of gong delivered.

-But THAT is a lot of gong.

-Oh, Hope has a full bucket there.

Brimming. Brimming, to the brimful, with poop.

Yeah, that was an awful lot of poo that Hope managed to get down that

lane for the first effort, and she's filled up again magnificently there.

George is the quickest over the ground, there's no doubt about that,

and Saklane is doing an admirable job over there in the yellow lane.

But Hope is doing remarkably well!

That's her second full bucket there, Dave.

Saklane and George are only getting pitiful

-amounts of gong at this point.

-Yeah, but they are making multiple trips.

It's a clash of styles. Oh, and that's bad news for Saklane.

Oh, that is very bad news, because that lane will now be slippery.

Watch this, he's going to struggle here.

Yeah, there he goes. No such problems for Hope.

Another full bucket delivered there.

Problems for George, though.

This is the trouble with gong - it gets absolutely everywhere,

and once it's on your lane,

it really is a mighty problem that you've got to overcome.

RATTUS LAUGHS Everyone falling everywhere!

I think, actually, George has become separated from his bucket there.

Meanwhile, Hope is just quietly going about her business.

She's not spilt a drop, although now the gong has fallen

and so now everyone is in trouble.

And I wouldn't be surprised if no-one can stand up from here on in.

-BELL TOLLS

-30 seconds remaining.

Look, there we go, that's the kind of thing.

Yeah, she's down straight away. But she already may have done enough.

That's a deluge of dung.

Now, how's George going to get up here with a bucket full of gong

and a slippery runway? I don't think he's got much hope, to be honest.

Saklane looks as if he's all but given up, and I don't blame him.

It really is treacherous out there, as Hope is demonstrating.

And there we go, George is going for the commando crawl.

He's commando-crawling through... HOOTER BLARES

..at least two inches of gong.

-Time's up.

-There's the hooter, it's all over.

Hope is victorious, because she has collected a lot of poo

while the boys have just been rolling around in it.

There's poo everywhere, Dave. It's like a strange and beautiful dream.

Ohhh...

Thankfully, they've cleaned themselves up a bit.

Go and stand behind your podiums.

That looked incredibly, incredibly messy.

Hope, that was a clever technique. You walked slowly, deliberately,

making sure you didn't spill anything.

I knew from the start that if I did it slowly but got more gunge,

-I might have a better chance.

-It was very clever.

Whereas the boys were haring up and down, spilling stuff,

falling all over the place. It was very interesting.

Hope, you were our winner, so help yourself to another Year Sphere.

Um...

-No.

-Ooh, a last-minute change of heart. Could that be crucial?

We'll find out shortly.

Apparently, the gases from the gong could sometimes cause gong

farmers to fall unconscious and drown in poo.

-RATTUS GASPS

-That's the way I want to go!

I thought you wanted to go while eating a mouldy pickled onion.

I do. That's what I'm doing when I fall in the poo.

Brilliant.

Time to count up those Year Spheres.

And remember, AD years are added to your total

and BC years are subtracted from it, so, Saklane,

that means you are still very much in with a chance of winning this.

Let's count up the Year Spheres.

George, will you open your first Year Sphere for me, please?

30 BC. It's bad, but it's not disastrous.

It's also the year that Queen Cleopatra died.

1854 AD, the beginning of the Crimean War.

You're back in the game. Let's have a look at that third one.

1453 AD, the end of the Hundred Years' War,

which means you've ended up with a very positive score indeed, George.

That total is 3,277, a good score,

which means that,

Saklane, I'm afraid, with no Year Spheres, you can no longer win.

Now, Hope, you still can. Let's have a look at your first sphere.

79 AD. Pompeii destroyed by Mount Vesuvius.

Oh, dear me! 10,500 BC!

The end of the last ice age.

But that's cold comfort, I'm afraid, for you, isn't it, Hope?

Let's have a look at your final sphere anyway.

Oh, dear me, it's 110,000 BC!

Neanderthals first came to Britain round about then.

You've ended up with a score of -120,421,

which means that today's winner, with 3,277 points,

is George, who'll be taking home our star prize.

But don't get too excited -

it was plucked out of the Time Sewer by my little colleague here.

I'll have you know, Mr Lamb,

today the award for our lucky winner is food fit for a king.

In fact, it's exactly what Charles II himself liked to

have on his eggs in the morning.

Oh, right! So, what, freshly caught smoked salmon, was it?

Maybe a shaved truffle? Caviar?

Even better!

Whale phlegm!

Of course, back in Stuart times they called it ambergris.

-It's basically the snot from a whale's blowhole.

-Charming.

-We have hit a new all-time low.

-So, con-rat-ulations, George.

Yeah, well done, George. There you go.

-Sorry, it's absolutely disgusting.

-Ooh, lovely!

Well, it just remains for me to say thanks to our winner, George,

and also thanks to our runners-up, Hope and Saklane.

And no thanks whatsoever to Rattus.

-Oh, it's a pleasure, as always.

-Ahh! You've been watching Gory Games.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye!

Next time, why not play along by downloading the Gory Games

app from the CBBC website?

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