Episode 2 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games,

with me, Dave Lamb, and my assistant, Rattus Rattus.

Who would like to apologise to the people at 32 Wolseley Avenue,

who accidentally locked me in their larder last night.

Let's just say that some of the raisins on the larder floor...

aren't raisins.

This is the show where you get to test your knowledge

of horrible histories with quirky quiz questions and gory games -

so, let's meet our horrible historians.

How's it going? I'm Lloyd.

Hermione!

-And I'm Sam.

-Hey, Sam.

Want to play along at home, too?

Then get the brilliant Gory Games app from the CBBC website.

Right, Lloyd, Hermione and Sam, you're playing to win Year Spheres.

Each Year Sphere contains a historical date,

and at the end of the show, your dates will be added up,

with AD dates being added to your total

and BC dates being subtracted from it.

So, for example, if these were your Year Spheres,

your total would be - Rattus?

Any point asking you?

Well, actually, I found this book on basic mathematics.

Oh, right - so, the answer is?

No idea. I haven't read it yet.

735.

And at the end of the show, the person with the highest year score

will win a fantastic historical prize.

Something I picked out myself from the Time Sewer.

I shudder to think.

Right, let's get cracking -

and to find out who this round's about, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Gorgeous Georgians.

So, your four Georgian topics are...

So, Lloyd, it's your turn to pick first in this round.

-Crime.

-Crime it is.

Thief-Taker General Jonathan Wild

was in charge of stopping crime in Georgian London -

but what was odd about this?

A, he was the biggest criminal in London,

B, he was actually dead,

or C, he was only two years old?

Well, none of them make him very suitable -

but what do you think?

Is it A, B, or C?

Let's see your answers now, please.

OK, well, Hermione and Sam agreeing on A, Lloyd going for B.

Let's hear what the answer is.

The answer is A, he was the biggest criminal in London.

He would organise a robbery,

then charge people money to get their stolen goods back. Hm!

You couldn't make it up.

Well, you could, but it wouldn't be as interesting.

RATTUS CHUCKLES Hermione, your turn to pick a topic.

-Fashion.

-Fashion.

Here we go - good luck.

So, it's a rodent - we know that.

But which one?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Lloyd's gone for A, Hermione and Sam have agreed on again on B.

Let's hear what the answer is.

I can tell you, the answer is...

B, mouse skin.

Lloyd, you are a sick and twisted individual, I must say.

Rat skin, indeed!

So, two points each for Hermione and Sam.

Still plenty of time to catch up, Lloyd - nothing to worry about.

Sam, it's your turn to pick a topic.

I'm going to pick Inventions.

Inventions.

Georgian John-Joseph Merlin injured himself with has own invention -

but what was it?

A, a cannon ball,

B, a cardboard submarine,

or C, roller skates?

Was it A, a cannon ball, B, a cardboard submarine,

or was it C, roller skates?

The boys agreeing on C - Hermione out on her own with B.

The answer is C, roller skates.

They had no brakes,

and he smashed into a mirror showing them off at a posh party.

HE TITTERS

On the bright side, he would've won 250 quid from You've Been Framed.

RATTUS LAUGHS I'm just being silly.

-You've Been Framed, very funny!

-One question left in this round.

Sam, if you were to get this one right,

you would win the first Year Sphere.

The question remaining is on Sport,

and that is a question from Rattus Rattus.

Ooh, yes, it is - can I see the card?

Which popular American sport was first played in Georgian England?

Was it A, basketball,

B, baseball,

or C, American football?

Basketball, baseball or American football?

Show me your answers, please.

Hermione and Lloyd agreeing with B, Sam going with A.

What's the answer, Rattus?

B, baseball.

It was first played in Surrey in the 1700s.

Very, very interesting, Rattus.

Well, that is the end of the round -

an excellent comeback from you, Lloyd,

but unfortunately you didn't quite get enough.

Hermione and Sam, you are going into the buzzer round.

You're history for now, Lloyd.

Fingers on buzzers.

Beginning with the letter B,

which violent sport did former slave Bill Richmond become famous for?

PFFRRT! Hermione.

-Boxing.

-It IS boxing, Hermione - well done.

You've won the first Year Sphere -

time to choose it from our trolley wally.

Push, push, push, push, push!

Ooh, Hermione, you're already there!

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

-Any one you like.

-Yes - let's hope you haven't picked one

with a Stone Age date in it,

as that could be worth a few million minus points.

Push, push, push, push, push!

So, winning the quiz means that Hermione is automatically

through to play the Georgian game -

but will she be alone, or will everyone get to play?

it's an All Play silly game!

So, that means - get down that Time Sewer, the lot of you.

Go on, Sam - lead off.

Down you go, Hermione.

No messing. And Lloyd - whoa!

Wigs were very much the fashion in Georgian times -

in fact, people were more likely to tease you

if you WEREN'T wearing a wig -

but most of them were teeming with bugs.

It's time to play...

Loads of fleas and lice will be flinging themselves

from a giant Georgian wig.

You have to catch as many bugs in YOUR wig as possible.

The player who catches the most wins the Year Sphere.

Are you ready? Are you steady?

Then let the flea frolics begin.

HOOTER

Here we go, then, with the Georgian Flea Fling.

And look at that! Hermione has scored one already.

There is the main wig, which I have to tell you, is not actual size -

the Georgians were not a race of giants.

She's got another one - but Lloyd's got one, too.

Well, this is good.

Fleas aren't attracted to dirty hair, are they, Rattus?

No, of course they're not -

they're attracted to clean, freshly scrubbed hair.

And yet you're riddled with them. Go figure.

Meanwhile, the game continues,

and Lloyd is well in the lead, here -

what an excellent burst he's put on.

Although he's got one obscuring his face -

he may have scored his last point,

because he surely can't see anything at the moment.

He's got eight - but look at that! Two right across his face.

It's a wonder he can see anything at all.

Dave, it really is quite literally raining fleas and lice, here -

which is vastly preferable to cats and dogs.

In my humble opinion.

THEY LAUGH

Look at that - they're all bumping into each other,

and it's getting very, very close in there.

Sam has come with a good late run here.

Just one point behind Lloyd now.

Just one point in it.

Hermione slightly behind, despite that excellent start.

It really is going to be close, this one.

Hermione creeping back into it, now.

Oh, right back into it, now!

Oh, this is very tight. HOOTER

Oh, and just on the hooter, she got that crucial final flea,

which means that Hermione and Lloyd have tied it.

I've got one in my face.

There's more than one in your face, fella.

Welcome back, everyone. Back behind your podiums.

Excellent. And Lloyd and Hermione, you both get a Year Sphere,

so, Lloyd, if you pick yours first for us.

Interesting choice.

And Hermione, you pick one, as well.

Nobody knows what's in them.

So, could be good, could be bad.

We shall find out later on.

It's on to round two - and to find out what's up next,

it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

Here are your all-important Middle Ages topics.

Hermione, it's your turn to pick first, this time.

I'll have fashion.

Fashion - that is a prop question.

-GASPS:

-Prop question!

Prop question! Prop question!

It is a long, pointy shoe.

Long, pointy shoes became very fashionable in the Middle Ages -

but they got SO long that people started to trip over them.

So, what did trendy men do about it?

Did they A, attach them with chains to their knees,

B, wear them on their hands,

or C, tie the ends in a knot?

So, what was it?

Let's see those answers now, please. So, Hermione's going with C,

the boys going with A.

The answer is A.

They attached them with chains to their knees -

almost as ridiculous as wearing your trousers so low,

people can see your pants.

-Mm - but not quite.

-No, not quite.

Point each for the boys.

Sam, your turn to choose the topic.

-The Normans.

-The Normans.

William the Conqueror wasn't the only Norman to have a nickname.

Which one of these characters is not a genuine Norman?

A, Ralph the Timid,

B, Alan the Red,

or C, Norman the Wisdom?

Is it A, Ralph the Timid, is it B, Alan the Red,

or is it C, Norman the Wisdom?

Ah! They've all gone for C -

are they all right, or are they all wrong?

The answer is C - Norman the Wisdom.

Yes, well done.

You weren't fooled by that one at all, were you?

Lloyd, it's your turn to pick a topic.

I'll go for Henry II.

Henry II.

King Henry II was a very good king, but he had a terrible temper.

What did he once do when he was angry?

A, get on the floor and start eating the carpet,

B, punch the Bishop of London in the face,

or C, declare war on all children?

RATTUS LAUGHS Rattus, please.

Sorry about him.

Show me those answers now.

Boys agreeing on B, Hermione on her own with C.

The answer is A.

He went bright red and started chewing the carpet -

which was made of straw.

That's a very good source of fibre.

-If you're a rat.

-It is.

No-one scored there.

So, the scores are, two points each to Lloyd and Sam,

one for Hermione, with one question left in this round.

On El Cid, it's a question from Rattus Rattus.

Thank you. Ahem, in 1099,

the Spanish fought the Moors from North Africa.

The Moors were scared of the Spanish general El Cid -

but why was this silly?

Was it A, cos he was just a baby,

B, because he was dead,

or C, he didn't believe in violence?

Thank you, Rattus.

Is that A, B or C?

OK, Hermione and Sam going for C, Lloyd going for A.

Well, I'm afraid the answer is B - he was dead.

The Spanish strapped his dead body to his horse,

making the Moors think that El Cid was a zombie

come back from the dead!

So, no points scored there, which means at the end of that round,

we have another tie - this time, it's Lloyd and Sam.

Hermione, for now, you're history.

Fingers on buzzers, you two.

Beginning with the letter E, what part of King Harold's body

was supposedly struck by an arrow at the Battle of Hastings?

TOILET FLUSHES Sam.

-Eye.

-Eye is correct - Sam, you've just won yourself a Year Sphere.

Come and collect it now.

So, Sam, as the quiz winner, you are through

to play the Middle Ages game -

but will it be just you, or will the others play, too?

Let's find out.

It's a single-player silly game -

so, Sam, off down the Time Sewer with you.

Come with me, if you will - and you must -

to France in the 1400s, to the court of King Louis XI.

Louis had just been given a most remarkable musical instrument.

It's time to play the...

The instrument consisted of pigs of different sizes, and a keyboard.

Play a key and a little spike would prick a piggy and make it squeal.

The larger the pig, the deeper the squeal.

Your challenge is to listen to and repeat a sequence of piggy squeals.

The sequence will get one squeal longer each time.

Correctly repeat nine squeals within the time limit to win a Year Sphere.

Get one note wrong, however, and you're history.

Let's get squealing. HOOTER

So, here we go, then. Sam attempts to play the Pig Piano.

What's your technique here, Rattus? How are you going to approach this?

I think the technique here is to listen very, very carefully

and duck if you get it wrong.

Yeah, that is a very wise piece of advice.

Is he going to take that advice and go on to win?

You can have a guess at whom using the Gory Games app, of course.

Beautifully done. Beautifully done, Sam, well played indeed.

I like the way he pretends to be pressing them

while he's hearing it for the first time. That's very nice.

Those candles can't be helping the pigs to remain comfortable,

I wouldn't have thought, the way they're lighting up just below...

PFFRRT!

Oh, look at that, the little one's just let one go.

The candles are actually there, Dave,

to absorb the gassiness from the chuff,

so if they were all chuffing at the same time,

without the candles, the poor contestant would past out.

Well, thank goodness, then, for those candles.

I take it all back about the candles.

And Sam has, there, completed a sequence of six. This is very good.

One, two, three... PFFRRT!

..parp, four, five, six, seven.

Can he remember?

Very confidently done - if anything, he's getting better and better.

PFFRRT! Big parp.

PFFRRT! Another one.

Sam triumphs again, despite the best efforts of the tiny pig on the end,

and his bottom of fear.

This is it - if he can remember this sequence of nine,

he has won himself a Year Sphere.

Yeah, three...

PFFRRT! Just let it get to nine!

..five, there we go... ..

-It's so close!

-Oh, hesitating!

PFFRRT! PFFRRT! Oh, it's gone wrong, look out!

Oh, that's hit him right on the arm.

But he was so close to playing the Pig Piano all the way to the end,

but, in the end, he got covered in poo.

Welcome back, Sam. What bad luck - you did so well there.

I think it was almost the last squeak,

-wasn't it, that you missed?

-Yeah.

-Something like that.

-Oh - you came agonisingly close,

but no Year Sphere, I'm afraid.

Over to the Gory Grid to find out who's up next.

Arrrgh, the Putrid Pirates, it be.

And here are your four piratey topics.

Sam, it's your turn to pick a topic first.

I'm going to pick Punishments.

Punishments.

What did the pirate punishment of keelhauling involve?

A, being hung upside down from the mast,

B, being dragged across the bottom of the ship,

or C, having to lift a heavy anchor on your own?

Ooh, ooh, I know the answer!

Let's see your answers now, please.

OK, Lloyd's gone for C, Hermione and Sam agreeing on B.

The answer is B - keelhauling meant a rope was tied

to the victim's feet and hands

and he was dragged under the water

across the rough, barnacle-covered bottom of the ship,

and up the other side. Ooh!

RATTUS CACKLES

Oh. As punishments go,

being grounded suddenly doesn't sound quite so bad, does it?

Right, Lloyd, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-I'm going to go for Blackbeard.

-OK.

Tis I, Blackbeard the Pirate.

Is it A, a skull, B, a sailor, or is it C, a bleeding heart?

OK, Lloyd and Hermione with B, Sam on his own with C.

The answer is...

C. The skeleton is about to stab a bleeding heart.

Yeah, and the skeleton also had an hourglass in his other hand,

meaning, "Your time is running out!"

Eurgh, spooky. Hermione, it's your turn to choose a topic.

Pirate Jobs.

Pirate Jobs.

Aboard a pirate ship, what was the boatswain's job?

A, he was in charge of the sails,

B, he was the ship's cook,

or C, he made wooden eyeballs?

It's either A, B or C.

Let's see your answers now, then, please.

OK - everybody has gone for A.

The answer is A, he was in charge of the sails -

which was kind of an important job on a sailing ship.

A point for everyone.

That means, with one question left in this round,

Sam is in the lead, Hermione in second place, Lloyd in third place.

Sam, if you were to get this one right,

you'd win yourself a second Year Sphere.

So, the last question in this round is about weapons,

and it is a prop question.

-GASPS:

-Prop question! Prop question!

Don't worry, it's not loaded, everyone. It's not loaded.

What was the pirates' nickname for this gun?

Was it...

So, you've had a good look at it - what do you think?

Is it A, B or C?

Lloyd and Hermione going for C, Sam going for A.

The answer is...

C. It's a duck's foot -

and that's because it looks like one.

You fired all four barrels at once,

so you were pretty likely to hit someone.

Only when it's loaded, though.

So, that's a point for Lloyd and Hermione,

which means that Hermione and Sam have finished neck-and-neck again

in this round - sorry, Lloyd, you're history again for a moment.

It's fingers on buzzers for Hermione and Sam.

Your buzzer question.

Beginning with the letter C, pirate captain Basil Hood

once tried to steal a herd of which animal?

TOILET FLUSHES Sam.

-Cattle.

-Cattle is the correct answer, Sam -

help yourself to another Year Sphere.

Obviously we don't know what's in any of these Year Spheres yet.

We'll find out right at the end of the show.

Sam, you are through to play the pirate game!

But will it be an All Play, or will it be a Single-Play game?

It's an All-Play messy game.

So, off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you!

Go on, Sam, lead the way.

It's time to play...

This game is all about chests and keys.

To find the keys, you have to follow the clues.

The first person to retrieve the treasure map

from inside their colour-coded chest will win the Year Sphere.

But be warned - it may not be as easy as it sounds.

In three, two, one... HOOTER

So, here we go, then, with Pirate Treasure -

and I cannot emphasise enough how important it is

to read the instructions.

Without that, you will be hopelessly lost.

Those are the sort of things that will tell you where your keys are.

And the thing I notice

is that Hermione is looking in the right coloured barrel -

she's in brown, the barrel has a brown stripe.

And Sam is also doing very well - he's the first to find a key.

Gunge falling off that key from Hermione.

Well, it's a slow start from Lloyd - he's getting nowhere with that coat.

He's resorted to just shaking it about,

hoping that something's going to fall out of it.

But Hermione's in. She's through to the second chest.

Now she has to read this one equally as carefully. What's she got?

Ah, so she's after the brown swabbie's bucket.

Sam just about to move on to his second clue,

and Lloyd is back in the game.

He's back in the game, he's found his first key.

Now, then, let's have a look - what's Sam got there?

He's got an interesting clue, there, which he's reading -

and which we're not seeing.

But Hermione, meantime, is into her swabbie's bucket.

Oh, that is absolutely revolting.

Oh, now, there's Sam's second clue - so, he's after a bird that

says, "Pieces of eight" - well, that is a parrot.

Everyone knows that that is a parrot.

Now, Lloyd has his chest out - and he's after a green swabbie's bucket.

There goes Sam - well, that's not a parrot, Sam.

That is a disappointing-looking bag.

You're not going to find a parrot key in there - that's the wrong key.

Oh, dear - there's the parrot key.

Clear as day.

And Sam could be working away on the chest for the best part of forever,

because he ain't going to get into it.

Meanwhile, Lloyd and Hermione really, now, in a two-way battle

for this, because Sam simply isn't going to realise

that his key's still round that parrot's neck.

Hermione struggling with her key -

and Lloyd is coming with what can only be described

as a late run here.

He's got his second one open, he's gone into the lead.

There's the third box - now, where are the instructions?

He's looking all round him. There they are.

Well, that's fairly self-explanatory.

Self-explanatory and tasty.

He's got the green barrel. That's a good sign.

Is he going to find the key in the rotten fruit? He's found it.

This surely must be the endgame for Lloyd, here.

The others are still struggling around,

faffing around like amateur safebreakers -

like the amateur safebreakers that they actually are -

whereas Lloyd is about to win this game.

It's over - and Lloyd holds the treasure map aloft.

You're looking at one happy pirate.

Wave it about, fella.

-Whoo!

-But mind the parrot.

-Yes!

Lloyd, go and grab yourself a Year Sphere.

Two Spheres each, everybody. Well done.

Time for the final round.

Over to the Gory Grid one last tine to find out who we've got.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day!

No quirky quiz in our final round -

it's straight to our big All-Play game.

Everyone get down that Time Sewer.

Monstrous criminals would steal dead bodies and sell them to surgeons,

who'd experiment on them to find out more about how the human body works.

It's time to play...

You are a rotten robber -

your challenge, to steal three bodies from the graveyard,

get them through the railings, onto the carts,

find the key to the cemetery gate

and get them onto the surgeon's table.

If you hear this noise...

WHISTLE

..then you must rush back to the cemetery and hide,

so the policeman doesn't spot you.

A second whistle means you can go again.

The first person to get all their bodies to the surgeon's table

and grab their dodgy money is the winner.

Three, two, one... HOOTER

So, let's rob some graves -

and then donate the bodies to medical science, of course.

And Hermione is the first to shove - look at that!

Yanking that cadaver through those railings.

Sam also very quickly through with his corpse.

There's Lloyd - his corpse has gone a bit floppy, there,

but he's through nonetheless.

Dave, when I go, I want to be laid to rest

in a rusty baked bean can on a rubbish dump.

That can easily be arranged.

Very easily arranged, that is.

So, Sam, first through the gate -

oh, copped a cobweb right in the face, there.

RATTUS CHUCKLES That looked absolutely revolting.

Hermione through, as well. Thankfully unscathed, cobweb-wise.

Lloyd is also up and running - got his cemetery gate open there.

That corpse is alive! It's sitting up!

No, it's... No, it's my mistake.

I'm being told it not alive. It's just how it was left.

Well, that is a huge relief, because I thought

we had a reanimated corpse on our hands, there,

but I'm being told that is not the case. Thank goodness for that.

Two corpses apiece now for Hermione and Sam.

WHISTLE And here comes the policeman!

The policeman, now, has come,

so they've got to get back behind those tombstones,

and they've got to be quiet as mice.

Here he comes.

He's having a good look.

He's on the beat. That's what they call it - "on the beat".

And he's not the most observant policeman in the world,

I can reveal.

What he's failed to spot is a corpse.

WHISTLE But there's his second whistle!

And that means you can go back to where you were in the game, people.

This is good - it's very, very close between Sam and Hermione.

You get the feeling that maybe, just maybe,

Lloyd is not in this any more -

but he's still valiantly wrestling with his corpse.

Through those railings -

it's a tremendously plucky effort from all three of them.

But this is where the real action is.

Sam's got his corpse by the hair! Then by the neck.

Oh, these are ugly scenes,

as Hermione weaves in and out of the highly topiaried bushes.

Delightful, of course, as they always have been -

but this is where it's all at!

It's looks like it's Hermione's.

She's got the bag - what's she doing?!

She's stopped - you've got to get down the other end!

Oh, but Sam's realised,

and he's through the railings, and he's done it!

Sam has won it - and Hermione has herself been robbed,

which is strangely appropriate in graverobbing.

Welcome back, Sam. Help yourself to that Year Sphere.

Well played.

Very good. That's all the Year Spheres awarded, now.

Sam with three, Hermione with two, Lloyd with two.

Right it's time for that all-important Year Sphere add-up -

and remember, AD dates are added to your total

and BC dates are subtracted from it.

So, Lloyd, let's start with your first Year Sphere.

1455 AD, start of the War of the Roses.

Ohh, 2.5 million BC!

Stone Age man started to use tools about then -

but that's no consolation whatsoever.

Hermione, let's have a look at your first Sphere.

264 BC - the first Roman gladiator games -

but it's not a disaster.

Let's have a look at the second one.

1086 AD - the Domesday Book was completed that year.

That gives you a positive score of 822.

Sam, that's what you've got to beat -

let's have a look at your first Sphere.

1815 AD - the Battle of Waterloo.

Oh, no, 1.5 million BC -

Stone Age man first used fire then - ish.

Let's have a look at the third one, anyway.

1042 AD - Edward the Confessor became king of England -

but it's too little too late.

-Today's winner, with 822 points is Hermione...

-Yes!

..who goes home with our star prize -

or, more likely, chucks it in the bin on her way out,

because it's something that my furry friend

has fished out of the Time Sewer. So, what is it today, Rattus?

All the way from a Roman communal toilet, it's your very own...

sponge on a stick bottom-wiper!

Ugh, for heaven's sake, Rattus.

No, you can't give her that - it'll be covered in..

Don't worry, I made sure it was clean...

That makes it so much more palatable...(!)

-..just before I used it.

-You dirty little rat!

-Congratulations, Hermione!

-Yes, well done, Hermione.

Congratulations.

Don't... Don't touch it too much.

Are you happy with that?

You strange individual.

Well, it just remains for me to say thanks to our champion Hermione.

Thanks also to her gallant runners-up, Lloyd and Sam -

-and no thanks whatsoever to Rattus.

-Don't mention it.

You've been watching Gory Games - goodbye.

Next time, why not play along

by downloading the Gory Games app

from the CBBC website?

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