Episode 10 HH: Gory Games Play Along

You wanted me, Rattus?

Oh, yeah, Dave. I wanted you to see my fan mail.

Was that it?

-No, no, there's some fan mail for you as well.

-Ooh.

Who's it from? Your mum?

-Your nan, actually.

-Oh.

She was worried about me looking so cold,

-so she's knitted me something.

-Ooh, let's have a look.

No. No, I don't think so.

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You'd better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching?

# Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible History's Gory Games

# Horrible History's Gory...

# Games! #

Hello and welcome to Rattus Rattus' Gory Games

with me, Rattus Rattus.

And me, Dave Lamb.

Can I take this off now?

No, Dave, no. Think of my nan's feelings.

Have you any idea how long it must've taken her to collect

all that rat fur, belly button fluff, plug-hole hair and stuff?

Stuff?

Yeah, and then she had to knit it. Do you know how tiny her paws are?

All right. I'm sorry Rattus' nan.

Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

Hey. I'm Freya and I'm from Glasgow!

Hello, Freya from Glasgow!

Hi, I'm Sam from East Sussex!

Hello, Sam from East Sussex.

Hi. I'm Chineme and I'm from Doncaster!

Hello, Chineme!

Welcome, everyone.

You are playing to win Year Spheres.

The person with the highest Year score

at the end of the show will win...

A one-of-a-kind, money-can't-buy,

100% unique prize picked by moi.

Also known as a bit of tat from the sewer.

And don't forget, you can play along at home too on the Gory Games app.

Yes, just go to the CBBC website to download it.

It's free!

Time to crack on with Round 1, but what's it about?

Let's go over to the Gory Grid to find out.

It's the Savage Stone Age.

So, four questions on the Savage Stone Age coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere.

And your four Stone Age topics are...

Chineme, you go first this round, what'll you have?

Can I have the Red Lady, please?

Yes, you can indeed, and that is a prop question!

Prop question! Prop question! Prop question!

Ah-ha! A prop, a bone.

The Red Lady of Paviland is a 27,000-year-old Stone Age

skeleton found in Wales, but what is unusual about the Red Lady?

Is it...

Or D, she was Dave's first girlfriend?

HE LAUGHS It's not D.

Is it A, that she was painted blue,

B, that she's got six toes,

or C, that she's actually a man?

Show me your answers now, please.

OK, Freya and Sam agree on B. Chineme thinks it's C.

I can tell you that the answer is C.

Chineme, well played.

The Red Lady was actually a man.

A Victorian archaeologist mistook a male caveman for a female Roman.

Should've gone to Spocsevers,

that's what it's called, isn't it?

Maybe I need glasses.

I think maybe you do.

Excellent start, Chineme.

Sam, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Musical instruments.

What are oldest musical instruments ever discovered?

A, drums made from stretched human skin,

B, flutes made from animal bones,

C, xylophones made from sabre tooth tiger teeth?

Or D, rat-bottom bag pipes.

-PRRRFFFFT!

-Ugh. SHE GIGGLES

Very tricky but is it A, B or C?

Show me now, please.

Chineme and Sam agreeing on B.

Freya thinks it's C. What's the answer?

Answer is B, flutes made from vulture wings

and mammoth tusks.

And they are 35,000 years old.

(As is Dave.)

No, I'm not.

Well done, Chineme. Well done, Sam. That's a point apiece.

Don't worry, Freya, it's your turn to pick a category.

Can I have money, please?

Yes, you can.

Which of these did Stone Age man use as money?

A, seashells,

B, pine cones,

C, pebbles?

Guess what rats use as money, Dave?

DAVE SIGHS Is it poo?

How did you know?

Oh, it's just a lucky stab in the dark.

Is it A, B or C?

OK, the girls are agreeing this time on C.

Sam thinks it's B.

What's the answer?

The answer is A, seashells!

Some archaeologists think cave people used seashells as money.

Nobody got that one right, so the final question is on medicine.

And this is what it is.

In Stone Age, trepanning was a cure but what did it involve?

A, eating tree bark,

B, drilling into skull,

C, having your bottom tattooed?

In the Stone Age, trepanning was a cure,

but what did it involve?

Was it A, eating tree bark,

B, drilling into the skull,

or C, having your bottom tattooed?

Show me an answer now, please.

Ooh, Chineme thinks it's B.

Sam and Freya agreed on A.

What is the answer, please?

Answer is B, drilling holes into head.

Most of us cavemen survived

unless hole's drilled by sabre tooth tiger.

-HE LAUGHS

-Caveman do joke.

Caveman do very, very bad joke.

But the good news is that, Chineme,

you have taken the first Year Sphere.

CHEERING Congratulations.

And that also means that it's time for me to say

ALL HAIL THE POTTY PYRAMID!

And, Chineme, make sure you pick very carefully.

Your AD dates will be added to your total score,

your BC dates will be subtracted from it, of course.

So stick it on the podium and we'll find out what's in there later on.

So, winning the Stone Age quiz means Chineme is automatically

through to play the Stone Age game.

But will she be alone or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out, shall we?

Oh, it's a Single Player gory game.

So, Chineme, off down the Time Sewer with you.

-Bye, Dave!

-Bye!

It really does stink.

Stone Agers were not fussy eaters.

They would eat any part of an animal -

brains, offal, eyes, tongue,

even the half-digested contents of its stomach.

Oh, yummy!

Yes, it's time to play Rattus' sickest new game...

One dead mega bear.

All you have to do is reach around inside its stomach,

find the four ingredients for today's meal and put them

by the corresponding cave paintings.

But be quick, you have to finish it

before the mega bear's friends come home.

Three, two, one. BEAR GROWLS

Do think your nan would mind if

I didn't wear the wig during the commentating?

Bearing in mind we're in a small box

-and she's got bad eyesight?

-Yeah, I guess.

Chineme has found the first item from the mega bear's stomach!

Whoa, it's the fish.

But she still needs to find a rat,

a bit of chewed up horse and a cabbage.

What's this? That looks like a log.

-No, it's a hoof!

-Hoof! Hoof!

-BOTH:

-Hoof!

-Yes, that's the place.

Chineme's made a brilliant start here.

The horse's hoof has been retrieved,

so that just leaves her looking for a lettuce and a rat.

Ah now, that's a bit of entrails.

She's going to have to pull that out and stick that in the bin provided.

-Nice.

-You should do a Stone Age Come Dine With Me!

Gerald is serving the contents of a mega bear stomach,

but what will the others make of it?

No, I don't think that would work.

She's in up to her elbows now like some kind of grisly vet.

Oh, it's a cabbage!

Excellent, it's just the rat she needs now.

Rattus, if you've been swallowed by a mega bear,

-where would you head?

-Anywhere there was light showing.

'30 seconds remaining.'

Well, while we ponder Rattus' mega bear exit strategy,

there's not much time left, and Chineme's getting stuck right

into that dead mega bear searching for the elusive half-digested rat.

Dave, it's a fact,

they really did have mega bears in Stone Age times.

Cave people used to hunt them with spears.

They also hunted giant tortoises.

Oh, mega bear or giant tortoise, which one shall I hunt?

I tell you what, this mega bear is proving tricky.

Chineme still hasn't found the rat.

Seconds to go! LOUD GROWL

Oh, time's up!

Today's the day the mega bear keeps its picnic.

Oh, Chineme, bad luck.

It was that stupid rat.

Excuse me!

You see? Once you scratch the surface, people don't like 'em.

OK, Chineme, I'm sorry. No Year Sphere.

But there's still plenty of time.

Rattus, look, can I take this off now? I look ridiculous.

But of course you do, you've got it on backwards.

THEY GIGGLE

There you go! You look really...youthful.

All right, then, I'll keep it on for now.

SHE GIGGLES

On to Round 2 then and over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Vicious Vikings.

Let's hear those four important Viking topics, which are...

Sam, it's your turn to lead us off this time.

Can I have soap, please?

Yes, you can. And that is a prop question.

Prop question! Prop question! Prop question!

Wallop, one bar of Viking lye soap.

True or false - Viking soap was also used to bleach Vikings' hair?

Did you bleach your hair, Dave?

I mean, is that why it all fell out?

All right, Rattus, thank you for that.

Let's see those answers now, please.

Well, the girls think it's true. Sam thinks it's false.

I can tell you it is true.

The strong lye soap would bleach their hair blonde

because it contained wee.

-Great.

-Yuck.

OK, that's a point for Chineme and a point for Freya.

Yay! Finally!

Freya, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Medicine, please.

-Medicine, what's that question, please?

True or false -

if a Viking was hit in the gut with an arrow, a Viking medic would

give him a meal of porridge oats mixed with onions and herbs?

So, if a Viking was hit in the stomach with an arrow,

a medic would give him a meal of porridge oats mixed with onions

and herbs, is that true or is that false?

OK, Freya and Sam think it's true.

Chineme thinks it's false. What's the answer?

It's true!

The medic would then sniff the wound.

If he could smell the onions and herbs, then the intestines had

been pierced and the victim would die.

Ah, the wonders of modern science.

It's true!

That's a point for Sam and a point for Freya.

Chineme, your turn to pick a topic.

Battles, please.

Battles. Let's have that question.

True or false - to make themselves look more

fierce in battle, we Vikings sometimes wore make-up.

Dave is living proof that make-up

-and beards is a bad look.

-HE LAUGHS

I'm just here, I literally can hear you.

Vikings sometimes wore make-up, is that true or is that false?

Show me now.

Well, Freya and Chineme think it's true. Sam thinks it's false.

What's the answer?

It's true! We did.

Anybody got a problem with that?

That's a point for Chineme and a point for Freya.

That means there's one topic left for this round.

It is Valhalla and this is the question.

True or false -

Valhalla, the place we Vikings believed you went if you

died in battle, was a heavenly hall of peace and tranquillity?

So, Valhalla was a heavenly hall that was

a place of peace and tranquillity, is that true or is that false?

Oh there we go. Freya and Chineme think it's true.

Sam thinks it's false. What's the answer?

It's false!

In Valhalla we feast and fight, fight and feast!

-As if anyone would want peace.

-HE SNORTS

Good one.

Yeah, as if(!)

Well done, Sam, another point for you,

but that doesn't stop Freya from winning the Year Sphere.

-CHEERING

-# Hallelujah! #

Help yourself.

Let's hope you picked a good one.

Yes, Freya, you are through to play the Viking game.

Congratulations.

But will it be just you or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out.

It's an All Play silly game.

Come on. Down the Time Sewer, the lot of you.

-Go on, Freya. ALL:

-Bye, Dave!

Oh, I can't see anything in here.

Why does it smell?

See you later.

Oh! Ow! RATTUS LAUGHS

The stupid soap!

Dave, the wig! Don't let Nanna see you without the wig!

I'm sorry, Nanna Rattus, all right? I'm sorry!

Stupid soap!

Big, tough Vikings used to use tiny ear spoons to clean the wax

out of their ears apparently. It's time to play...

Your challenge - to clean out a Viking ear,

carry the wobbly wax on your Viking ear spoon

over the wobbly bridge

and flick it into your bowl.

If you hear this noise...

VIKING SHOUTS

..there's a Viking Berserker coming and you need to run back

and hide behind the giant ear.

The person who gets the most ear wax from ear to bowl

within the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

The game starts in three, two, one...

HORN BLOWS

And here we go then with

I'm A Viking, Get Me Out Of Ear.

Not here, Rattus, ear.

I'd like to wax lyrical about this game, Dave,

-but...

-Oh!

..I'm not one for cracking puns.

Oh, it was a zinger, Rattus.

So they're on their way.

Freya and Sam are both on the board with a glob of wax each,

Chineme yet to score.

He's got quite a nice style here, Sam,

he sort of goes steadily but slowly.

Sam delivers his second ear bogey.

Some beautiful wax extraction there. Satisfying.

Now what can Freya do?

Well, she can deliver that ear bogey

-terrifically well.

-Great delivery there.

As can Sam. Chineme yet to score.

But wait a minute, Chineme's got two in one.

Well, that's brilliant.

That's put her right back in the game.

If she can deliver them, she's back in it.

And don't forget to download the Gory Games app

if you want to join in at home.

Do it now!

Sam's taking a commanding lead here.

VIKING SHOUTS

-Oh, there's a Viking!

-Oh, a Viking, the Berserker!

The Berserker is in the building. HE SHOUTS

And look at him slicing away with his axe there.

What an extraordinary performance this is from the Berserker.

You can come out now, everyone.

There we go.

Get those blobs of wax across the see-saw

and towards the receptacle.

Oh, beautifully done there by Sam and Chineme.

30 seconds remaining.

Interesting historical fact for you, Rattus,

the Vikings were actually remarkably clean folk,

they used to wash every Saturday.

And I wash every day with Z in it.

And don't I know it, Rattus.

It's slip sliding away a little bit

for Freya here.

Chineme is still in it, and Sam too.

He's strolling as if he's striding to work

across Waterloo Bridge.

So time's running out now,

can the others catch up? HORN BLOWS

It's all over. Sam's got it in the bag.

CHEERING Well, metal basket.

Welcome back, everybody. That was all right, wasn't it?

How did you find that, Chineme?

It was a bit hard, but then I felt like I hit jackpot

cos I got two at a time.

I can tell you that the winner was...

Sam.

CHEERING

You know what, Rattus,

I think I might be allergic to your nan's wig.

-Well, me nan did say she washed it.

-Right.

With rat wee, obviously.

Uh! Ah!

And you can't take it off. You'll break her little heart!

All right.

Round 3, and over to the Gory Grid to find out what's next.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day!

Here then are your four Victorian topics...

RATTUS LAUGHS

I thought that would set him off. RATTUS LAUGHS

All right, Rattus, all right.

So, Freya, it's your turn to lead us off.

-What will you have?

-Can I have inventors, please?

You certainly can. What's the question, please?

True or false - famous Victorian inventor Charles Babbage

once baked himself in an oven for five minutes and survived?

Oh, now, that's a tricky one.

Is that true or is that false? Show me now.

OK, Chineme and Sam think that's false.

Freya thinks it's true. What's the answer, please?

It's true!

He did it in order to prepare himself for being

lowered into a volcano, which he also survived.

OK, seriously now, do not try that at home.

Freya, congratulations.

There you go, the first skull is on the board.

Chineme, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Can I have Queen Victoria, please?

What's the question, please?

True or false - a 14-year-old boy once

snuck into Buckingham Palace and stole Queen Victoria's dress?

A 14-year-old boy snuck into Buckingham Palace,

stole Queen Victoria's dress. Is that true or is that false?

Chineme and Sam agreeing again on true this time.

Freya thinks it's false.

What's the answer, please?

It's false!

The boy actually stole her underpants.

SHE LAUGHS

I don't think Victoria saw the funny side.

The boy was sent to Australia on a prison ship.

Crikey, that's a bit harsh! RATTUS LAUGHS

Still, Freya, that's another skull for you.

Taking a commanding lead early on here.

And that's a lovely salute as well.

Sam, your turn to pick.

Constipation.

Rattus will be absolutely delighted -

not only because you said the word constipation,

-but also because it's a question from Rattus himself.

-Yay!

In Victorian times, a remedy for constipation was

to electric shock the person's bottom.

-SHE LAUGHS

-I chose this question.

You don't say. Is that true or is that false?

Freya and Chineme agreeing this time with false.

Sam thinks it's true. What's the answer, Rattus?

Oh, Sam,

it's true!

So there's a brain for you there, Sam.

The round still very much alive.

There's one topic left in this round, it's miners,

what's the question?

True or false - it was common for miners to take

canary birds down the mines with them?

Tweet, tweet. Tweet, tweet, tweet.

That's my canary impression.

A bit butch.

OK, it was common for miners to take canary birds

down the mines with them. Is that true or is that false?

Everybody thinks it's true. What's the answer?

It's true!

If the canary breathed in dangerous gas, it passed out

and the miners knew they needed to hurry to safety.

Yes, I could do with a canary bird for working with Rattus.

PRRRFFFFFT!

Ga! Rattus!

SHE GIGGLES

Oh, no, no, your wig! Put your wig back on! Me nan! Me nan!

-Uh, sorry! Crikey!

-Honestly.

OK, a point for everybody.

A point all round, which means that, Freya,

-you've done it again.

-Yay!

Help yourself to another Year Sphere.

Is that going to be a good one or a bad one?

Hopefully good.

Well, fingers crossed.

Freya, as the winner of the Victorian quiz,

you're through to play the Victorian game, but will you

be playing on your own or will the others get to join in with you?

Let's find out.

Oh, it's a Single Player scary game,

so down the Time Sewer with you, please, Freya.

-Bye!

-Bye!

In Victorian times, it was only the lucky children who went to

school, many others had to work in dangerous factories.

The list of factory injuries was as long as your arm,

if you still had one.

It's time to play a Gory Games classic...

Your challenge is to make your way through the hazardous

machinery, find the four lost fingers and then scramble

back through the machinery and reunite the hand with its fingers.

Succeed inside the time limit to claim your Year Sphere.

And your time starts now. HORN BLOWS

Freya then to take on Factory Fingers.

-She's through the mangle already, Rattus.

-Through the mangle!

And working away at that first finger.

All the nuts have to be loosened

and then those spikes removed from the cabinet

and the finger will just drop down and be easily removable.

As games go, you have to say

Factory Fingers is really near the knuckle.

-Oh, I see what you did there!

-Oi!

-LAUGHING:

-That's funny!

You got there in the end, Rattus.

Yeah, that's funny!

Well that's a very, very good start.

-Is she going to spike up? No, she's not.

-No, no.

She knows she's got that one on the side there,

-and she makes her way through the loom.

-The gloomy loom.

The gloomy loom of doom!

Now she works away feverishly

at that chain there.

She's lowering the finger down so that

she can reach in and pull it out.

I think she's reached that point already.

Yeah, she's got another finger.

Of course, factories would be watched over

by menacing factory bosses, Rattus, and I think one's coming in now!

Work harder!

Move it, girl! Faster!

He's horrible. He really is an unpleasant man.

Just cruel - pointlessly, needlessly cruel.

'30 seconds remaining.'

She must be nearly there by now.

Will that squeeze out that finger?

I think it will! And it has.

So there's another two. Back through the loom.

-She picks her way through.

-The gloomy loom!

Will she remember the other one?

Yeah, she's picked it up en route.

-Bang, one finger goes on.

-Little pinkie there.

Well, she's got three fingers,

but she's still missing the fourth.

She needs to get this quickly,

just ten seconds left. There is the fourth!

She's got to get that on the hand.

Five seconds to go.

She's got to get through the mangle!

It's very close!

And she's showing us how many seconds she had left

with her trademark celebration.

Well done, Freya, tremendous work. Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

I won that like a factory boss.

Yes, you did. You did extremely, extremely well.

Time for our big All Play endgame now.

So over to the Gory Grid to find out what we've got.

It's the Terrible Tudors.

Everybody back down that Time Sewer.

-Again?

-Come on.

-ALL:

-Bye, Dave!

See you later!

-See you later.

-Thanks for coming!

It's time to play our silly game...

Henry VIII certainly liked a pie or ten.

Your challenge is to feed hungry Henry as many as possible.

The person who gets the most pies in their Henry's mouth

in the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

In three, two, one... HORN BLOWS

This is it there, Rattus,

Who Ate All The Pies.

And they're off already.

They're going very, very fast, and no pies.

Of course, the key to this game is not just to stay on your feet,

but to make each pie count at the other end.

-One in from Freya.

-Well played, Freya, the first pie.

Henry's stomach was beginning to rumble really quite badly.

Freya seems to have got the hang of it, can she do it again?

Let's have a look at this. There she's done it again, lovely!

That's her second one.

What a technique that is, a little underarm technique.

Sam's pounding down the lane here with a determined look on his face.

It looks good, he scores!

Did you know, Rattus, Tudor cooks used to make a bird pie containing

live small birds

which would fly out when it was cut open?

Imagine what would be left behind!

A bird poo pie!

Delicious!

Oh, look at that! Another one lands from Freya.

She's gone pie crazy!

-It's a pie-tastic performance, isn't it?

-It is pie-tastic.

'30 seconds remaining.'

Thanks to his terrible diet, Henry had chronic

leg ulcers, poor eyesight, bad circulation

and high blood pressure.

You're actually not doing too bad for your age.

Leave it!

Chineme putting in a determined effort here,

but it's an exhausting game.

She's not giving up easily, though.

She's very, very plucky.

Can she get some pies on target

in the remaining seconds? Here she goes.

Oh, it's agonisingly just shy.

And here's a final fling from Sam.

Can he score? HORN BLOWS

No, he can't, and he's down.

Our players are absolutely shattered.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

The winner of the next Year Sphere is...

Freya. CHEERING

Help yourself, please. Help yourself.

Oh, is it a good one? Is it a bad one?

-Hopefully it's good.

-You're hoping it's good.

These Year Spheres have positives and negatives about them,

so having the most is not necessarily the best thing.

So now it's time to count up those Year Spheres.

Remember, AD years are added to your total,

but BC years are subtracted from it.

Chineme, let's have a look at your first one.

CHEERING

Oh, it's a good one, 1613 AD.

The thatched roof of Shakespeare's Globe Theatre caught fire that year.

So, Sam, that is what you have got to try and beat. What have you got?

CHEERING

Oh, it's 1804, you've just snuck into the lead there.

Napoleon crowned himself emperor of the French that year.

So, Sam, you currently hold the lead.

Freya, let's see what you've got here.

Let's have a look at the first one.

CHEERING 1793 AD.

Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette were executed that year.

You're just behind. Let's have a look at the second.

CHEERING 1542 AD.

Mary Queen of Scots was born.

You've taken a commanding lead. Let's have a look at the third.

CHEERING 871 AD.

Alfred the Great became King of Wessex and fought the Vikings.

It all hinges on this final one, what is it?

CHEERING 1837 AD.

Charles Dickens published Oliver Twist that year.

Freya, you are today's champion.

-Yes!

-Congratulations.

You have a total of 6,043 points.

We were thinking that this time round we'd have a fantastic prize,

but then Rattus found something vile

floating in the Time Sewer and we thought, "That'll do."

Actually, I've got something really special this time, it's Georgian.

Oh what is it? Some...some kind of perfume?

Sort of, have a sniff.

Uh, I've already had one!

It's sweat!

In the Georgian era, the sweat of someone who was dying

was thought to cure haemorrhoids.

I think I'd rather have the haemorrhoids.

I thought you were walking funny.

No, I haven't got haemorrhoids. Don't worry about it, Rattus.

Well, look, there it is, Freya.

-Thank you.

-Stinky sweat. Enjoy.

Time now to say goodbye to our brilliant runners up,

Chineme and Sam. Unfortunately, you know the way home.

Crawl down the Time Sewer until you're pooped out. Cheerio!

-Bye!

-Bye now.

-Bye.

-Well played, everybody.

-Bye, have fun!

And don't forget you can play along next time

if you download the Gory Games app from the CBBC website.

That's all from us.

I've been Dave Lamb...

And I've got a confession to make.

Dave, you know I said my nan made you that wig?

I don't actually have a nan.

What?

See you for more Gory Games soon. Goodbye.

Come here, you.

# Horrible History's Gory...Games! #