Episode 12 HH: Gory Games Play Along

-Rattus!

-Problem, Dave?

Yes, my dressing room smells of wee.

But I cleaned it out for you!

Cleaned?! It smells of rat wee!

Well, of course it does, I cleaned it with Smellit Bang!

I make it myself, you know.

You don't say!

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# Better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello, I'm Rattus Rattus.

And I'm Dave Lamb and welcome to Gory Games.

Sponsored by Smellit Bang,

the great new cleaning product

that is sweeping the nation.

Made with 100% organic rat ammonia.

Rattus! You can't clean with wee!

Why not? Romans washed clothes with it,

Incans washed their hair with it.

Oh! Yeah, but not rat wee!

DAVE COUGHS

Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

Hi, my name is Lewis and I'm from Essex!

Hello, Lewis.

Hi, I'm Amelie and I'm from London.

Hello, Amelie.

Hi, I'm Oscar and I'm from Yorkshire.

-Hello, Oscar.

-Well, welcome, everyone.

You are here to win Year Spheres.

The person with the highest year score at the end of the show

will take home a putrid prize,

fished out of the Time Sewer by Rattus.

And don't forget, you can play along at home too.

You can win your very own Year Spheres and everything!

Just download the Gory Games app from the CBBC website.

So, it's time for Round One and to find out what it's about,

let's go over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Groovy Greeks!

It's the Groovy Greeks.

Oscar, how do you feel about the Groovy Greeks?

-OK.

-Yeah? Amelie, what do you reckon?

-Hm.

-Oh-ho, it's a so-so kind of round, isn't it?

-Lewis?

-I'm very confident because we're learning it at school.

Lewis, the slight favourite going into this round.

Four questions on the Groovy Greeks coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere

and your fore Greek topics are...

Oscar, it is your turn to lead us off in this first round.

What will you have?

Spartans, please.

Spartans, let's hear that question.

True or false -

Spartan boys left their mothers to join the army at the age of 13.

Of course, in rat years, 13 is...

Carry the four, add the three...

Lots!

Helpful, as always!

OK, Spartan boys left their mothers to join the army at the age of 13.

Is that true or is that false?

OK. Oscar and Amelie think it's false, Lewis thinks it's true.

What is the answer, please?

It's false.

Of course it is!

13? As if!

They joined the army when they were seven!

Seven! Good gracious me!

Oscar and Amelie, congratulations, you are off the mark.

Don't worry, Lewis, plenty of time to catch up.

Amelie, choose a topic for us.

Could I have myths, please?

You certainly can.

True or false, according to the myths,

Greek god Prometheus stole fire from the gods

and gave it to the humans

and then he was punished by being tied to a rock

and having his nose pecked off by an eagle every day for eternity.

So, Greek god Prometheus stole fire from the gods

and he was punished by being tied to a rock

and having his nose pecked off by an eagle every day for eternity.

Is that true or is that false?

Show me now.

Everybody has gone for true.

What's the answer, please?

It's false.

Prometheus had his LIVER pecked out by an eagle every day.

Hope the eagle liked liver. Eugh...

Absolutely.

So it wasn't his nose, it was his liver.

Here we go, Lewis. Your turn to choose.

Can I have Athens, please?

Yes, you can, Lewis, and that is a prop question.

-CHANTS:

-Prop question, prop question,

prop question, prop question!

And it's also going to be read by Rattus Rattus.

In Athens, it was a compliment to compare a woman to a fish.

Now, I can tell you that, in rat circles,

calling someone a rotten old fish is a compliment.

In Athens, it was a compliment to compare a woman to a fish.

Do you think that's true or is that false?

Show me now.

Well, Oscar and Amelie think it's true, Lewis thinks it's false.

What's the answer, Rattus?

It's true!

Athenians compared beautiful women to fish because of their wide eyes.

Yes, but don't try calling your mum a trout.

Well, unless your mother actually is a trout,

in which case, that's absolutely fine.

Excellent. It is true.

Oscar and Amelie, more points for you.

Here is the final question of this round.

It's on sacrifices.

Is this true or false?

Well, it sounds silly, but does that mean it's right or wrong?

Vegetarians sacrificed fake animals made of straw.

Is that true or false?

Well, the boys think it's false.

Amelie thinks it's true.

What's the answer?

It's false.

It's false, but vegetarians did sacrifice vegetables to the gods.

I once found some rotten vegetables by a Greek god's statue.

I had a LEEK ...

and some of the vegetables!

-RATTUS LAUGHS

-It's a joke!

I didn't really... Ha-ha-ha!

Suit yourself.

Well done, Rattus, very good.

OK, that's a point, then, for Oscar and for Lewis,

which means, at the end of that round, Oscar,

it's you who wins the Year Sphere,

which in turn means it's time for me to say...

ECHOING: All hail the Potty Pyramid!

Brought to you by Smellit Bang!

Enough!

Just because your agent hasn't got you a lucrative sponsorship deal!

I'm going to clean up!

Yes, with rat wee, by the sounds of things.

I'm so sorry. Oscar, help yourself, don't take the Smellit Bang.

Pick carefully because the AD dates will be added to your total score,

but BC dates will be subtracted from it.

We'll find out what's in there later.

Now, winning the Greek quiz

means that Oscar is through to the Greek game,

but will be alone or will the others get to play as well?

Let's find out, shall we?

Oh, it's a single player scary game,

so, Oscar, off down the Time Sewer on your own, please.

Bye!

Bye!

For Spartan children, school was all about training for battle.

It's time to play...

You are a young Spartan, learning important lessons

in how to be a thieving, sneaky Spartan soldier.

You have to make your way through the vines

and steal the sleeping soldier's lunch, but be careful -

if you touch a vine, a bell will bring, disturbing him.

Disturb him three times and it is game over.

Your mission starts now.

KLAXON BLARES

Now, he's got to get through here without making any noise.

He's speeding along, but he needs to be careful...

BELL RINGS Oh, no!

Don't want to worry you, Rattus, but I think he stirred there.

Oscar has tinkled... BELL RINGS

And again!

That means that Oscar has only got one ring left,

but he has still got two sets of vines to go.

He needs to slow it right down.

There we go.

This is not a race.

He can still do this.

He really is trying his very best

not to make any noise through those vines

and it's paying off... BELL RINGS

Oh, I spoke too soon!

He's woken the soldier, who is understandably livid

and, wisely, Oscar has bolted.

I just hope he comes back!

Back you come, Oscar. There we go.

I'm glad to see you back, Oscar, because you bolted off there

and I thought, "He's gone, we're not going to see him again."

-Where did you go?

-Through Greece.

Oh, you just went...you just went running through Greece

and, thankfully, you made it back to the Time Sewer

and got back here. On to Round Two, then,

and let's find out what's up next by visiting the Gory Grid.

It's the Slimy Stuarts.

Here are your all-important Stuart topics.

So, Amelie, it is your turn to pick first.

Could I have crime, please?

You can have crime

and that is a question from Oliver Cromwell himself.

True or false -

Colonel Blood was an Irish soldier

who was caught trying to steal the crown jewels,

so Charles II had him impaled on a spike.

Thanks, Crommers.

Colonel Blood was an Irish soldier who was caught

trying to steal the crown jewels,

so Charles II had him impaled on a spike.

Is that true or is that false?

Well, Oscar and Amelie think it's true, Lewis thinks it's false.

What's the answer, Crommers?

It's false.

Charles II let Colonel Blood off

and gave him his own estate in Ireland.

And if that's not a compelling argument

for getting rid of the monarchy, I don't know what is.

Indeed. Lewis, you are off and running in this round.

You've taken the lead.

And it's your turn to pick a category.

Can I have Oliver Cromwell, please?

Yes, you can have Oliver Cromwell and here he is.

True or false - during my reign as Lord Protector, I banned theatre.

So, Oliver Cromwell banned theatre.

Is that true or is that false?

Everybody thinks it's true.

Let's go back to Oliver Cromwell and find out the answer.

It's true.

I also banned horse racing, dancing around the maypole,

church music, Christmas and Easter.

Anything fun, basically.

I should have banned game shows as well.

Well, he's a bag of fun, isn't he?

Well played, everyone, that's a point apiece.

And, Oscar, it's your turn to pick.

Can I have King James I, please?

Another question from Oliver Cromwell.

True or false - King James I was obsessed with washing himself

and took five baths a day.

So King James I took five baths a day.

Is that true or is that false?

Well, Lewis thinks it's true, Oscar and Amelie think it's false.

-What's the answer?

-It's false.

James I almost never washed his body

and liked only to wash his fingers in a bowl of water.

In Stuart times, doctors thought washing was bad for your health.

-And they were right!

-Well played, you two.

That means we are all square going into the final question in this

round and it is a question on Queen Christina from Rattus Rattus.

True or false - Queen Christina of Sweden hated fleas

so much she had a tiny cannon made which fired tiny balls at the fleas.

Thanks, Rattus.

Queen Christina of Sweden hated fleas

so much she had a tiny cannon made which fired tiny balls at the fleas.

Is that true or is that false?

Well, Amelie and Lewis have agreed this time with false.

Oscar thinks it's true. What's the answer, Rattus?

Well, it's true.

Do you know, I must get hold of one, Dave. Ow, Marcus!

I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding!

-He's my pet flea.

-Yes, I know who he is. Ahem.

Oscar, congratulations, you've done it again.

At the last minute there, you've claimed another Year Sphere.

Please help yourself.

Oscar's through to play the Stuart game, then, but will it be just

him or will the others get to play too? Let's find out.

It's an all-play silly game,

so off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

-Go on, Lewis.

-It smells horrible!

-Oh, yeah, Rattus lives here.

-Got on, Oscar, you know the way.

Oh, stinky!

Yeah, very, very stinky.

When Oliver Cromwell had his portrait done,

he insisted that Dutch artist Peter Lely paint him...

Warts and all!

It's time to play...

Three portraits of Oliver Cromwell, but where are those warts?

That's where you come in.

Use your paintbrushes to fire warts onto your portraits.

The person with the most warts on their Oliver's face

in the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

In three, two, one.

KLAXON BLARES

Off they go, then. Loaded up with a wart apiece.

Who's going to score first? And it's Oscar. Oscar lands one perfectly.

Look at this.

He's into a metronomic rhythm already. Look at that!

-Two already, Rattus.

-Fantastic.

-Oh, there's a third.

He's literally putting the wart on the paddle,

walking up to the picture and, boom, there's a fourth!

Boom! Fantastic wartwork.

It's superb but let's not rule out Lewis at this stage.

He's landed a few of his own there.

Of course, there are only certain areas of the portrait

where the warts will actually stick. Chin, cheek, forehead.

-Pretty much everywhere.

-Everywhere. Is that one for Amelie?

It's one on his chinny chin there, Dave.

It's beautifully placed right on the end of the chain.

Oh, it's a wart!

And after a slow start, Lewis seems to be catching up with Oscar here.

Look at that, Lewis is level. Lewis has come back to level with Oscar.

Don't forget to download the Gory Games app

if you want to join in at home.

Do it now, you wart.

All right, Rattus. Oscar and Lewis passing the lead between them.

This is nail-biting stuff

and Amelie has made a lovely warty pile next to her portrait.

Looking at that, Lewis has just edged into the lead here

but Oscar equalises immediately, this is incredibly close.

30 seconds remaining.

Dave, I've got a friend who's covered in warts

but the girls still really fancy him.

-Is he a toad?

-You know me too well.

The girls in question were also toads, then, good.

This is close. 11 apiece between the boys.

Is it going to be Oscar or Lewis?

Lewis goes ahead. Oscar equalises immediately.

This really is going to go down to the wire. It's a wart-off.

It's a wart frenzy. Warts fill the air here.

Oscar is just in the lead and he's done it!

Oscar has taken it by the odd wart in 27.

By which I mean he scored 14 and Lewis scored 13.

Warts.

Oh, well done, everybody, well played, well played, well played.

-Excellent work. Who are you?

-Oh, she's with me, Dave.

We're halfway through the show, it's time for an ad break.

This Stuart housewife covered her entire house with Smellit Bang.

Well, actually, I did. And now all the germs are gone.

Ugh.

Having been been replaced by far scarier germs, by the look of it.

She probably already had the plague.

Smellit Bang - if it smells this bad, it must be working.

For heaven's sake, Rattus. Big Tony, in your own time, fella.

Crikey.

I hope you get better.

I'm so sorry, Oscar, please, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

I'll tell you what, Rattus, this is beginning to smell a bit lemony.

Smellit Bang - now with added citrus.

I've been eating a lot of lemons.

Of course you have.

Right, Round Three, over to the Gory Grid to find out what's next.

It's the savage Stone Age.

And here are your four Stone Age topics.

So, Lewis, it is your turn to lead us off this time.

What do you fancy?

-Can I have archaeology, please?

-Archaeology? You can indeed.

Archaeologists study coprolites to work out what cavepeople

ate in the Stone Age.

But what is a coprolite? Is it...?

What is a coprolite?

Dave knows this one. He's a fossil.

Thank you, Rattus. Very tricky but is it A, B or C?

Show me your answers now, please.

Amelie and Lewis have agreed on B, Oscar thinks it's C.

I can tell you that the answer is...

B - a coprolite is a fossilised poo.

Analysis of the poo can help scientists work out what food

went into making that poo.

Oh, I could get into archaeology!

I wouldn't put it past you, actually, Rattus.

OK, that's a point each for Amelie and Lewis.

-Oscar, your turn to pick a topic.

-Erm, Australia, please.

You certainly can. Let's hear that question.

What was custom for Australian Stone Age boys to do when reach manhood?

A, drop a rock on foot...

Ow!

..B, drink blood of mammoth...

Gu-gu-gu-gu gu-gu-gu-gu!

..C, knock two front teeth out. Kuh-lonk!

So what was it customary for Australian Stone Age boys to do

when they reached manhood?

Show me your answers now, please.

Oscar thinks it's A, the others think it's C.

What's the answer, please?

The answer is C - they knocked two front teeth out. Me not Aussie, see?

Eh?

Fine pair of gnashers.

Well done again, Amelie and Lewis,

charging into the lead in this round.

Oscar, lagging behind slightly but you've already got three

Year Spheres, so there's nothing to worry about there.

-Amelie, your turn to pick.

-Can I have hunting, please?

You certainly can. What's the question, please?

During sacred hunting rituals,

what did we wear to give us good luck?

So, during their sacred hunting rituals,

what did Stone Age men wear to give them good luck?

Show me your answers now, please.

Oscar and Lewis agreeing this time on C, Amelie thinks it's A.

What's the answer, please?

Answer is A - hat with deer antlers like one me wearing now.

Ugh, who steal hat?

So, Amelie, you've taken a very timely lead in this round.

Just one topic left in this round and it's on Neanderthals.

I have a question.

Oh, I know! It's A...

-or B or C.

-Thank you, Rattus.

So, what do you think?

Show me those answers now, please.

Oscar and Amelie agree on C, Lewis thinks it's A.

What's the answer?

The answer is B, 25,000 years ago.

Bad luck, everybody. Neanderthals died out 25,000 years ago.

Are you absolutely sure, Dave?

You know, have you ever had your DNA tested? Just asking. Just asking.

I know what you're implying, Rattus, and I don't find it amusing.

Congratulations, Amelie, you have won the Year Sphere.

Help yourself, please.

Let's hope it's not a stinker.

Although, now you can get rid of stinks with an even worse stink,

Smellit Bang.

Amelie, as the winner of the quiz,

you are through to play the Stone Age game

but will it be just you, or is everyone else coming along too?

Let's find out.

It's a single-player brainy game, so go on, Amelie.

Off down the Time Sewer with you.

You really need air-conditioning here.

That is actually a very good idea.

Archaeologists have discovered cave paintings

revealing that Stone Age man wrote using their own version of emojis.

-Ooh, amazed face!

-Indeed.

-It's time to play...

-Hashtag Stone Age.

Eight emojis, but only five of them are genuine Stone Age symbols.

Your challenge is to work out which five.

Chose five emojis and move them to the cave painting.

Whack the boulder with your club to find out how many you've got right.

Keep trying different combinations until you get all five right,

but you've got to be quick, as you're against the clock.

Your time starts now.

HOOTER BLASTS

Hashtags away!

Ooh, there's a very quick start, very decisive stuff from Amelie.

Of course, you can get involved in the action at home

by downloading the Gory Games app.

Is it just me, Dave, or does that spirally one look a bit like a poo?

It's just you, Rattus.

Everything looks like poo to you. Amelie's got two more to choose.

There's a smiley face.

This is looking very good.

And a hashtag. Now, then, how many has she got?

You have four correct.

She's got four right already, Rattus.

It's going to be a quick game, Dave.

30 seconds remaining.

She's taken off the double pyramidy-type thing

and what's she going to put back on?

Oh, it's the swirl.

You have all five correct.

Wow, that is extraordinary

and there's a sort of Egyptian dance of celebration going on there.

Well done, Amelie. Well done, well done.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

-Hashtag happy face.

-Indeed.

Amelie, that was amazing. Did you know them or was it guesswork?

-It was mostly guesswork.

-Was it?

-Yeah.

Those were lucky guesses and you only needed one substitution.

-Yeah.

-Amazing.

Stone Age man really did leave emoji messages,

including a hashtag symbol,

-much like we use today.

-My, hasn't mankind moved on!

Yeah, exactly, Rattus, we certainly have.

It's the final round,

so over to the Gory Grid one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Terrible Tudors.

Which is an all-play silly game,

so off the lot of you go down the Time Sewer. Lead us off, Lewis.

-Bye!

-Bye, Amelie.

-See you, Oscar.

-Bye, Dave.

-Bye.

Henry VIII was a mighty and powerful king.

-But he couldn't do a poo without some help.

-No, he couldn't.

It's time to play...

Groom Of The Stool.

You are the groom of the stool.

When Henry hollers, you'll need to collect his chamber pot

and check his business.

-This was an actual job!

-It was.

In the meantime, you have to brick up the door to the king's bedroom

so he can have a safe night's sleep.

The first to brick up the doorway wins a Year Sphere.

The game starts in three...

-..number two...

-..number ones!

Go! HOOTER BLASTS

And groom of the stool is go, go, go, Rattus!

And it's time to test the grooms' bricklaying abilities

before Henry VIII go, go, goes!

-HENRY VIII:

-I'm finished!

Poo duty calls already. Better not keep the king waiting.

Henry VIII has done a poo and it's all being poured out there.

-They've groomed his stool, Rattus, that's what's happened there.

-Ha-ha!

Now it's back to the bricklaying.

Towards the end of his life, Henry became so terrified of assassins

that he bricked his door up at night.

That's right, Dave, but what if the groom of the stool was the assassin?

Oh, that's a good point.

-Awkward.

-I'm finished!

Oh, Henry's going again.

Oh, he's slipped over!

Oscar has slipped in something unmentionable there

and it's best not dwelt on, really, that.

What he's going through now, it could have an effect on him

in years to come, let's just leave it at that.

-Now, then, Amelie's starting again.

-She is.

Now, Oscar seems to have got the first piece in place here.

That's a very solid central block.

Lewis seems to be making some sort of Modernist sculpture,

but Amelie has the right idea, I think.

Oscar is getting the pattern together.

-LOUD RASPBERRY

-I'm finished!

Oh, and Henry VIII,

he must have eaten something that disagreed with him last night,

because there's stuff coming out of him at a rate of knots here, Rattus.

Dave, I don't know if you can smell it from where you're sitting,

but I can certainly smell it from where I am.

Oscar has come from nowhere here, Rattus.

While we were wittering,

he has come from nowhere and he is only one piece away.

I think we'll see that in a few seconds' time,

Henry VIII will be bricked up.

FANFARE And that is it.

He is safe as houses tonight

to fill his bedroom with his own stools.

Back you come. Well played, well played, all of you.

Excellent work.

That's it, that's it, Oscar, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

The final one.

Now, then, time to count up those Year Spheres, and remember,

AD years are added to your total

BC years are subtracted from it.

Lewis, you don't have any Year Spheres,

but Oscar and Amelie may end up with minus scores yet.

OK, Oscar, let's have a look in that first sphere of yours.

Oh, it's a good one, 1948 AD.

The NHS began that year. Let's have a look in that second one.

That's it, very good. 1756 AD.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was born that year, believe it or not.

Let's have a look at the third one.

Oh, you're on a great run here.

1893 AD.

New Zealand became the first country in the world to give women the vote.

This is the crucial one.

What have you got there, Oscar?

Well, it's not great, but it's not terrible.

44 BC, Julius Caesar was murdered that year.

That gives you a very, very impressive score of 5,553 points.

Amelie, you'll have to go some to beat that.

Let's open up the first sphere.

1599 AD, a decent start.

Shakespeare's Globe Theatre was opened that year.

And your second one.

1286 AD.

Well, all ADs. Eyeglasses invented in Italy that year.

That, Amelie, gives you a total of 2,885.

-Lewis, you've got zero.

-Yeah.

Under different circumstances, that could have been enough.

Today, however, it's not,

and that means today's winner, with 5,553 points, is Oscar.

Yes, he's celebrating, but come on, Rattus,

what terrible prize have you dredged out of the sewer this time?

Oh, I haven't dredged something out the sewer, Dave.

I've got something even better.

-It's a bottle of Smellit Bang, isn't it?

-How did you guess?

Let's just call it instinct.

Congratulations, Oscar. I'm sorry it's Smellit Bang, but there we are.

Them's the breaks.

At least, on the bright side,

you don't actually have to go home through the Time Sewer.

Amelie and Lewis, I'm afraid you do.

Good luck down there. It's pretty disgusting.

-Bye!

-Bye!

-Bye!

And don't forget, you can play along next time

if you download the Gory Games app from the CBBC website.

-I've been Dave Lamb.

-And I've been sponsored by Smellit Bang!

And don't we all know it? That was Gory Games.

Goodbye!

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You better turn off, this show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories: Gory Games,

# Horrible Histories: Gory...

# Games! #