Episode 13 HH: Gory Games Play Along

-Entrez vous!

-Rattus, we're on in a minute and I can't find my shirt.

Oh, I think it's just down there next to the...

banana skin.

What have you done to it?!

What? It's your fault for leaving it lying around.

You know I'll eat anything that looks revolting.

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You'd better turn off, this show ain't for you

# Still watching?

# Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible History's Gory Games

# Horrible History's Gory

# Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games, starring me, Rattus Rattus,

and also featuring...

Me, Dave Lamb.

Honestly, Dave, look at yourself, you're a shambles!

Did nobody tell you you were going to be on the telly?

Let's meet today's Horrible Historians, shall we?

-Hi, I'm Sas and I'm from Staffordshire!

-Hiya, Sas!

Hi, I'm Zak and I'm from London!

Hello, Zak.

Hi, I'm Annabel and I'm from Hertfordshire!

Hello, Annabel.

Welcome, everyone.

Right, you are playing to win Year Spheres.

The person with the highest year score at the end of the show

will win a prize fished out of the Time Sewer by Rattus Rattus.

And don't forget you can play along at home, too.

You can win Year Spheres and everything.

Just download the app from the CBBC website, it's brilliant.

It IS brilliant, he's completely right about that.

Time to crack on with Round One.

Let's find out what it's about by going over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Groovy Greeks.

Annabel, I noticed the double fist clench,

-are you pleased about that?

-I love the Greeks.

Oh! It couldn't have turned out better for you!

Four questions on the Groovy Greeks coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere.

And your four Greek topics are...

So, Annabel, you get to pick first, what will you have?

Um, can I have Olympics, please?

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

True or false - in one famous Olympic wrestling bout,

Damoxenos punched Creugas in the belly

but had sharp fingernails

so he accidentally pulled out Creugas' guts.

Rattus there, putting the "gory" into Gory Games.

HE LAUGHS

So, what do you think? Did Damoxenos pull out Creugas' guts?

Is that true or is that false?

Ooh, Annabel thinks it's true, Zak and Sas both think it's false.

What's the answer, Rattus?

It's true.

This was against the rules, so Damoxenos was disqualified,

giving victory to Creugas, the dead man.

Annabel, well done, that is the first point to you.

-Zak, what would you like?

-Sacrifices.

Let's hear that question.

Is this true or false?

After the ancient Greeks sacrificed a bull to the gods,

they held a legal trial and found the knife guilty of murder -

is that true or is that false? Let's have a look.

Ooh, everybody's gone for false. What's the answer, please?

It's true.

Wow, bad luck, everyone. No points to be awarded there.

So, Sas, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Evil Spirits, please.

-Let's hear that question.

True or false - ancient Greeks kept evil spirits from getting into

their houses by leaving a dead goat on the front step.

Don't know about evil spirits,

but that certainly wouldn't keep rats away.

No, I don't suppose it would. So what do you think?

Is that true or is that false?

Wow, Annabel and Zak agreeing with false, Sas thinks that's true.

-What's the answer, please?

-It's false. That'd never work.

You had to paint tar around the door

so the spirits would get stuck in it, obvs.

Obvs. So, Annabel and Zak, that is a point apiece.

One question left in this round.

It is a question on weddings, and here it comes.

True or false - a Spartan wedding ceremony involved

the bridesmaid shaving the bride's head.

Are you a Spartan bride, Dave?

No, I'm not. So, a Spartan wedding ceremony involved the bridesmaid

shaving the bride's head - is that true or is that false?

Sas thinks it's false, Annabel and Zak again agreeing on true.

What's the answer, please?

It's true! They also wore men's clothes!

Are you sure you're not a Spartan bride, Dave?

-Yes, I'm sure, thank you, Rattus!

-Hm.

So, another point for Annabel, another point for Zak.

At the end of that round, it's clear that Annabel has won the first

Year Sphere, and that means it's time for me to say

all hail the Potty Pyramid!

# Ah-ah

# Ah-ah. #

Choose wisely, Annabel.

Yes, because AD dates will be added to your total

but BC dates will be subtracted from it.

Now, winning the Greek quiz means Annabel is automatically

through to play the Greek game,

but will she be alone or will the others get to play, too?

Let's have a look, shall we?

Oh, it's a single player silly game.

So, Annabel, off down the Time Sewer on your own, please.

Oh, it's stinks.

The Spartans were super soldiers

and they learned warrior skills from the age of seven.

It's time to play...

At Spartan school, children were taught that thieving and sneaking

were an important part of being a soldier.

You are a sneaky Spartan and must steal the sleeping soldier's lunch

without being detected. Climb through the vines,

but don't touch one or a bell will ring, disturbing the soldier.

Disturb him three times and it's game over. Your mission starts now.

KLAXON BLARES And Annabel is on her way.

Crikey, Annabel, maybe she should change it to ANNA-NO-BELL

just for the duration of this game.

Here's a weird Spartan fact for you, Rattus. If you cried out in pain

while you were fighting, they would punish your best friend as well.

Well, lucky that's not us, Dave, cos you are a total wuss!

Ah, am I your best friend?

No. Oh, shut up!

Yeah, I am.

I'm his best friend.

Anyway, Annabel is on to the second set of vines.

Look at her trying to manoeuvre herself there through that tiny gap.

BELL RINGS Oh, but she's rung the bell, Rattus.

-Tinkle-dinkle.

-Two more rings and she is in massive trouble.

Annabel's on tiptoes there.

Dave, why do they call it tiptoes?

Well, in your case cos your feet smell like a rubbish tip.

Rattus? He's sulking.

That soldier looks like he's in deep sleep but Annabel needs to be

very careful because it's game over if she rings three bells.

That was almost number two.

Well, now does she really need to go through this bit? This bit...

BELL RINGS ..looks a bit dodgy to me, Rattus.

Tinkle-tinkle.

He stirred a second time. That means she's only got one ring left

but she's very close - there's the lunch, we can see the lunch, Rattus.

She can almost reach out and touch it.

It looks like it's a chicken sandwich, and she's got the lunch!

The soldier will be absolutely livid

when he finds out a sneaky Spartan has nabbed his sandwich.

You go, girl!

Congratulations, Annabel. Excellent work.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

# Ah-ah

# Ah-ah. #

I wonder if that's going to be a good one? We'll find out later on.

And we're going on to Round Two.

Over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day!

Here are your all-important Victorian topics...

Zak, it's your turn to pick first this time.

-Um, I'll do Potatoes.

-That is a prop question.

Prop question.

-ALL:

-Prop question. Prop question. Prop question.

There we go - a bandage and a potato.

In Victorian times, strapping a baked potato to your head

was supposed to be a cure for what?

Rattus, have you chewed this?

Might have.

It's unhelpful.

Oi, enough.

It's very tricky but is it A, B or C? Show me now, please.

Interesting, Annabel and Sas have agreed on A, Zak thinks it's C.

I can tell you that the answer is...

A, an earache.

Let me demonstrate that for you.

That would go around there

and then on goes the potato -

and that was medicine.

THEY LAUGH

Go on, then, fill your boots.

OK, so that's a point each for Annabel and Sas.

A good start, this round.

HE GULPS AND BURPS

I'm so sorry about him.

-OK, Sas, what topic would you like next?

-Prisons, please.

Prisons - let's hear that question.

Victorian prisons were horrible places where convicts had to

do unpleasant tasks, but which of these was not one of them?

So, what do you think?

HE READS THE OPTIONS

Let's see those answers now, please.

Oh, complete disagreement. What's the actual answer?

The answer is A. They did not have to count sand.

Imagine having to stay silent for weeks at a time.

-Why don't you give it a go?

-OK, then.

-No, can't do it.

-It was worth a try.

That's a point for Annabel, well played indeed.

Annabel, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Can I have Food, please?

You certainly can.

Which of these was eaten as a delicacy by posh Victorians?

Here's a clue - I've eaten all three.

Not so much a clue, more of a confession,

I would've thought, Rattus.

So is it A, B or C?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Oh, everyone thinks it's B, complete agreement. What's the answer?

The answer is B.

Posh Victorians ate whale phlegm.

I guess there are some plusses to being poor.

Ooh, Dave, do you want some rat phlegm?

HE COUGHS UP PHLEGM

Stop it. Swallow it.

HE GULPS

Thank you. Oof, unpleasant.

Well, there's a point there for everybody. Annabel gets one,

Zak gets one and Sas gets one. And it's the last topic of the round,

it's on Maids, and here comes the question.

A Victorian parlour maid often did 16 hours of housework per day

and worked 6½ days per week.

But how much were they paid for an entire year?

Bet even Dave gets paid more than £60 a year.

Just about. Is it A, B or C?

Let's see those answers now, please.

Annabel and Sas agreeing with B, Zak thinks it's A.

What's the answer, please?

The answer is B. They were paid £6 per year.

Wow, a whole £6. Dare to dream.

Extraordinary.

Annabel and Sas score there,

and at the end of the round, Annabel, it's you again -

another Year Sphere. Congratulations, help yourself.

# Ah-ah

# Ah-ah. #

OK, Annabel, you are through to play the Victorian game,

but will it be just you or will the others get to play, too?

Let's have a look, shall we?

It's an all-play scary game,

so off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you!

Aargh!

-Rattus, there's a gladiator in the Time Sewer!

-Yes, I can see!

Well, how's he got down there, then?

Well, it is possible somebody chewed a hole in the Time Sewer.

Oh, that's great, thanks for that, Rattus!

Just do something to sort this out! Do something!

Well, I have, I've wee'd myself!

Oh, that's brilliant, Rattus! Aah!

Urgh!

Right, well, um, OK, er, well, you guys, off down the Time Sewer

while the gladiator's over there,

and watch out for any other gladiators.

-Er...see you in a bit!

-Oh, what's that smell?

Bye! Thanks for coming! Close the door behind you, please!

It's time to do some scrambling - not like a rat up a drainpipe

but like a Victorian child up a chimney. Let's play...

You have to whiz up and down the chimney,

clearing four blockages one by one.

Then pop your sweep brush out the top of the chimney.

The first person to do so is the winner.

In three, two, one.

KLAXON BLARES

Ah, Dave, you're back.

Yeah, I think I lost the gladiator in the canteen.

Right, they're off, and straightaway Sas is moving quickly.

Zak too. And Annabel is also underway.

That's the first bird's nest there.

Yeah, and they've already brought them back, Zak and Sas,

they really are moving fast here, Rattus.

It's a very, very tight race.

The Victorians only made putting boys up chimneys illegal in 1832.

-Do you remember it, Dave?

-Leave it! But, yes, yes, I do.

That's the second blockage out of the way, Rattus,

here they go up. Look at Sas go!

That is quick chimney climbing, in my book.

-Extraordinary.

-Quite extraordinary.

And she's already set free that third obstacle.

And here comes the Head Sweep, look at him prodding them

with pins to make them work harder. Oh, it makes you weep.

Dave, the writer Charles Dickens called for putting boys up chimneys

to be banned.

Well, he always had "Great Expectations".

Don't get it.

Well, it's a book by Dickens. Sas is doing remarkably well here.

That's it, that's the fourth obstacle delivered, and off she goes

and I would suggest that nothing can stop her now, she's going to

bang her head at the end, and just watch the sweep's brush emerge.

Here she goes and - pop! - the brush is out of the chimney,

and that means that Sas has swept her way to a Year Sphere.

Zak there can't quite believe what's happened

and the Master Sweep is utterly disgusted with him.

Welcome back, welcome back.

Well done, Sas. Well done. help yourself to a Year Sphere.

-Straight up, took one. No messing about there, was there, Sas?

-Nope.

-Have you done any chimney sweeping before?

-No.

Well, you look like you have. You were very, very quick.

Right, it's Round Three and it's over to the Gory Grid

to find out what's up next.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

Four questions as always, and here are your four Middle Ages topics.

Sas, it is your turn to go first this time, which would you like?

Superstitions, please.

Superstitions. Let's hear that question.

Bet you don't know this one. My question is...

Ooh, I do not like the sound of a cat with wings.

That's pretty much his worst nightmare, to be fair.

OK, is it A, B or C?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Ooh, everyone thinks it's a different thing. What's the answer?

The answer is C.

A Panoti was a man with the ears of an elephant.

Everybody knows that.

Of course, everyone knows that, right(?)

-I didn't know that.

-I didn't know that.

Annabel did know that, so she has one point.

Annabel, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Um, can I have Cures, please?

You certainly can, let's have the question on Cures.

In the Middle Ages, what would a mother rub on her baby's gums

to cure teething pains?

HE READS THE OPTIONS

Show me your answers now, please.

Oh, again, a complete spread of answers,

everyone disagreeing with each other.

What is the actual answer, please?

The answer is A.

Boiled hare brains were used to cure teething pains.

Yes, thankfully we've moved on a bit from there and Zak has moved on

from zero, he's got his first point of this round. Congratulations, Zak.

Zak, it's your turn to pick.

-Can I choose Takeaways?

-You certainly can, Zak.

In the Middle Ages you could get takeaway food delivered

to your door, but which of these was not a popular Middle Ages takeaway?

I can think of one rat I'd like to see on a stick.

Oh, I've upset him.

Which of these was NOT a popular Middle Ages takeaway?

HE READS THE OPTIONS

Everybody has gone for B. Are they all right or are they all wrong?

-Let's find out.

-The answer is C.

Rat on a stick was not a popular Middle Ages takeaway.

Give me a sheep's foot any day.

HE LAUGHS

More's the pity, in my opinion, but there we are.

Unlucky, no points scored there.

We have one topic left in this round,

it is the Peasants' Revolt, and here comes the question.

During the famous Peasants' Revolt of 1381, what did the peasants do

when they came across the Archbishop of Canterbury?

What could it be?

HE READS THE OPTIONS

Show me now, please.

Everyone's agreeing. Everyone's agreeing on A, what's the answer?

The answer is B. The peasants chopped his head off.

Told you the peasants were revolting.

I did a funny!

In fact, the archbishop's head is still kept in a church in Suffolk,

that's if you want to go and see it.

Yeah, I think I might pass on that one, Rattus.

So no points there again, I think it shows how tricky that category was.

What we have at the end of it is something rather exciting -

it's a tie-breaker situation between Annabel and Zak.

Fingers on your buzzers.

Beginning with the letter R,

what flower was used to represent the two sides...

ATCHOO!

-Annabel.

-Rose.

-Oh, what an interruption!

..the two sides during the war between Yorkshire and Lancashire,

the War Of The Roses.

Congratulations, Annabel, you're completely correct.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

# Ah-ah

# Ah-ah. #

Let's just hope Rattus hasn't chewed it.

No, I don't see why you think I should.

-Well, possibly cos of the state of my shirt?

-Ah.

-And the Time Sewer.

-Ah.

Yeah, "ah." OK, Annabel, as the winner of the Middle Ages quiz,

you're through to play the Middle Ages game, but will you be playing

alone or will the others get to play with you? Let's find out, shall we?

Oh, it's a single-player brainy game,

so off down the Time Sewer on your own, please, Annabel.

-Bye.

-Bye.

King Louis XI of France was the proud owner of a highly

unusual instrument. It's time to play...

Each piano key triggers a spike,

pricking a pig and causing it to squeal.

Your challenge is to listen to and repeat a sequence of piggy squeals.

The sequence gets one squeal longer each time.

Correctly repeat nine squeals within the time limit

and you'll win a Year Sphere. Let's get squealing.

HE SQUEALS

KLAXON BLARES

So, let's concentrate on the first sequence.

She needs to remember the order of the squeals.

PIGS SQUEAL

Annabel sets about that with great confidence. Yeah, lovely.

Here comes the sixth squeaker.

PIGS SQUEAL

There it is, it's her second piggy for the sixth one.

Three to go. There she goes.

Oh, and one of those pigs just let one go, Rattus.

-Well, that's a shame to see.

-Oh!

Oh, you would not want to be Annabel at this moment

because there must be an appalling stench there.

You've got to love a pig piano, Rattus.

My question is, did anyone ever make a chicken cello?

-Cos they should've done.

-They so should have.

I would have loved to see the chicken cello.

I'd like to have seen that, too.

Oh! Another pig lets one go.

What has it been eating, Rattus?

-Everything, Dave, it's a pig.

-Of course.

Oh, this is the eighth squeal sequence, she's done a great job

of remembering the order so far, can she do this one?

Three, four, five,

six, seven,

eight...

She's just got one more sequence to remember here. One extra one,

and she's got the Sphere, Rattus.

There it goes again, one, two, three, four, there's the fifth,

there's the sixth,

seventh, eighth. Now, this is the new one.

Right, it's right next door, can Annabel remember this?

Here she goes. Through the smoke.

That's six, just three to go.

-I can't remember it, Dave! Can she do it?

-It's that one there!

Yeah, she's done it! She has done it!

She's just conquered the Pig Piano!

Congratulations, Annabel.

Help yourself straightaway to a Year Sphere, why don't you?

Tremendous work.

Right, it's the final round,

so it's over to the Gory Grid to find out what we've got.

It's the Rotten Romans.

Oh, it's the Rotten Romans!

So it's a big all-play messy game.

-Down the Time Sewer with the lot of you, please. Bye.

-Bye!

Watch out for gladiators!

-This is one of Rattus's games.

-Yes, it's time to go...

Your job is to collect the stercus from the cesspit,

carry it along your lane and slop it into your measuring cylinder.

Whoever collects the most gets the Year Sphere.

In three, two, one!

HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY KLAXON BLARES

And they're off!

And gathering stercus, or dung or poo, call it what you like.

And down the lane they go, Sas taking an early lead there.

For someone who looked a bit reluctant, she's doing very well.

Zak's just behind her with a bucket full of poo,

but over in the green lane it's a different story.

Annabel looks very tentative around the poo there,

she's just got to give over to it and let herself get covered in it.

-That's right.

-Later on you may find

that a lot of stercus gets dropped from above

and at that point it really does become unplayable.

Look at that, delivering a very fine payload there.

Zak also doing nicely.

Annabel still a bit gingerly walking down the lane,

-trying not to get dirty, it doesn't work.

-It's impossible, Dave,

to get through this game without getting absolutely filthy.

Yeah, and Sas has realised that,

and as a result is just revelling in the muck.

Oh!

What a tumble that was from Zak, by the way, incredible tumble,

a very heavy fall. He looks to be fine, though,

and he's delivering poo like nobody's business.

Well, everybody's business.

Now, let's watch Sas,

she's making her way up the lane,

lovely little hurdle there,

down the end and there, it's delivered.

It's textbook, Rattus, it's absolutely textbook.

30 seconds remaining.

-Two words - poo drop.

-Oh!

Now things are going to get very, very slippery indeed.

It's going to be hard for Annabel to stay clean now!

This is going to get very messy! And Sas is down.

Zak can't really move about, he looks like he is going to be

sliding around on there for some time to come.

Anyone scores any points, they're doing remarkably well, Rattus.

No, it's not going to happen. KLAXON BLARES

Sas may be tumbling around like Bambi on ice there,

but she's got this one in the bag.

Oh, look at the state of you all.

Yeah, Sas, help yourself, well done, well done.

Oh, that's a messy game, isn't it?

Well played, everybody, that's how we finished.

It's time now to count up those Year Spheres. Remember,

AD years are added to your total, BC years are subtracted from it.

Zak, you've got zero, but as you'll know from watching this programme,

that can be a winning score, we know that.

So, let's have a look at what Annabel has got.

Oh, it's a BC to start with, but it's not a disaster.

347 BC, Plato, the Greek philosopher, died that year.

Let's have a look at the second one.

Oh, it's a good one, 1775 AD,

the American Revolution began that year.

Let's have a look at the third.

Now we're motoring. 1858 AD,

construction of Big Ben was completed that year.

Let's have a look at the next one.

1509 AD - what a run of form this is -

Henry VIII ascended to the English throne.

Let's have a look at the last, crucial one.

Ah it's another AD, 1542 AD,

Mary Queen of Scots was born that year.

Which means that, Annabel,

you have amassed a total of 6,337 points,

which is pretty excellent.

Zak, as we know, you've got zero. Unlucky.

It hasn't worked out for you.

Sas, let's have a look at what you've got.

800 AD, gunpowder was invented in China that year.

Let's have a look at the last one.

1933 AD, Hitler was appointed German Chancellor that year.

You have ended up with a very, very creditable score of 2,733 points.

Which means that today's winner is Annabel, with 6,337 points.

Congratulations, Annabel.

And you have the excitement of receiving whatever nightmarish prize

Rattus has spotted floating in the Time Sewers.

Well, this week I've got a lovely Victorian prize - poo sticks.

Poo sticks? Well, that sounds like a perfectly innocent game.

By which, I mean sticks covered in poo.

Of course you do.

Victorian children would rub a stick in poo

and then wipe it on the door handles of rich people's houses.

-Good old-fashioned fun.

-Sounds appalling.

Right, Annabel, sorry, that's the prize, it is literally a stinker.

Oh, oh, oh, Dave! Dave! There's someone here to see you!

Urgh!

All right, all right, I've got a poo stick and I'm not afraid to use it.

Stay back. Sas, Sas, open the Time Sewer for me.

Stay there, you. Is it wide open? Thank you.

Annabel, congratulations, there you go.

Urgh!

Well, I'm afraid, Zak and Sas, there's only thing for it -

you're going to have to go and help Dave down the Time Sewer.

Off you go! Go on, Sas, get yourself down there.

-See you, Zak!

-Bye!

Remember, you can play along at home using the Gory Games app.

Check out the CBBC website.

I've been Rattus Rattus, he's been Dave Lamb.

Help!

And you've been watching Gory Games!

# Horrible History's Gory

# Games! #