Episode 7 HH: Gory Games Play Along

Rattus?

Hello, Dave.

What have you done to my dressing room?

Excuse me! This is MY dressing room now.

My agent sorted it.

You've got an agent?

Ooh, he's awfully good. He's like a dog with a bone.

Actually, he is a dog with a bone.

So where's my dressing room?

Um, you've got my old one.

What, this old thing?

We're going to talk about this, Rattus,

but we've got a show to do first.

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You'd better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching?

# Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible History's Gory Games

# Horrible History's Gory Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games, starring me, Rattus Rattus,

and featuring him... What's your name again?

-Oh, yeah, Dave Lamb.

-"Featuring"?!

If you've got a problem with it, speak to my agent.

Got him on the phone right now.

Oh, right. Yeah, all right, I will.

Hello? BARKING

Yeah, I want to talk... It's just that I thought that maybe I...

Right. No, I understand that perfectly. Thanks very much.

Goodbye.

And featuring me, Dave Lamb.

Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

-Hi, my name's Mery and I'm from the Cotswolds!

-Hello, Mery.

-Hi, I'm Haider and I'm from South Wales!

-Hello, Haider.

-Hi, I'm Holly and I'm from Norwich!

-Hello, Holly.

Welcome, everyone.

Right, you lot are here to try and win Year Spheres.

The person with the Highest Year score at the end of the show

will win a prize as selected by Rattus Rattus, the star of the show.

Deal with it, Dave. Deal with it.

And you can win Year Spheres at home, too.

Just download the Gory Games app from the CBBC website

and play along.

What's our first round about?

Let's go over to the Gory Grid to find out.

It's the Terrible Tudors.

-Holly, how do you feel about the Terrible Tudors?

-OK.

-Haider, what about you?

-I feel fine with it.

-Lovely. And Mery?

-I'm OK with it.

Both girls thinking it could go either way.

Haider - bang up for it.

So four questions on the Terrible Tudors coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the First Year Sphere.

And your four Tudor topics are...

So Holly, you get to pick first in this round.

-Which one of those do you fancy?

-I think I'll go for Shakespeare.

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

In Shakespeare's play King Lear,

what horrible thing is done to the character the Duke of Gloucester?

Does he have his...

Crikey!

I think it's fair to say King Lear is a tragedy and not a comedy.

It's horrible but is it A, B or C?

Show me your answers now, please.

Interesting. The girls agreeing on A. Haider thinks it's B.

Rattus, what's the answer?

The answer is A!

-Bet he didn't see that coming!

-HE LAUGHS

Well, technically, Rattus, he would have done

because he still had his eyes before they were scooped out.

Bet he didn't see that going!

-Now that's not quite working, is it, fella?

-In many ways, no.

Interesting first question. The girls are off the mark.

Haider, plenty of time to catch up, and it's your turn to pick a topic.

I'm going to pick Plague, please.

-What's the question on Plague?

-Here's my question.

Please be C! Please be C!

It's all right, Rattus. It was a very long time ago.

Was it...

Show me your answers now, please.

Interesting. Holly's gone for B.

Haider and Mery have both gone for C. What's the answer?

The answer is...

People believed uncooked fruit and vegetables carried disease.

Tudor kids always had to eat their none a day.

Well done, Holly. That is another point for you.

You're taking a strong lead early on. Mery, what's your subject?

Can I have Beauty Treatments, please?

You sure can. What's the question, please?

What did Elizabeth I rub into her face to fight wrinkles

and keep looking young?

So people, what do you think? Wee, wee or wee?

Well, it's certainly wee-based, isn't it, this question?

Show me now, please.

Wow. Holly and Haider are agreeing on A.

It's Mery on her own this time with C.

What's the answer, please?

The answer is...

Elizabeth I used to rub her own wee into her face.

RATTUS CACKLES

The questions are so much better now that I'm in charge!

Are they, though? Bad luck. No-one scores a point there.

There is one topic left in this round.

It is Cooks, and this is the question.

The Bishop of Rochester once had a feast

during which two guests were poisoned and died.

So what did Henry VIII do to the cook?

A, feed him some of the poisoned food?

B, chop off his head?

Or C, boil him alive in his own pot?

He was an absolute charmer, that Henry VIII.

Which of those did he do, though?

Is it A, B or C? Show me now, please!

Interesting. The girls agreeing on B.

Haider is out on his own this time with C.

What's the answer?

The answer is C. The cook was boiled alive.

Turns out you don't need too many cooks to spoil the broth.

One is plenty!

HE LAUGHS

Haider, congratulations, you got off the mark with the last question,

but looking at the scoreboard at the end of that round,

it's Holly who claims the first Year Sphere,

and that means it's time for me to say...

All hail the Potty Pyramid!

Rattus, it is not your Potty Pyramid!

Want to speak to my agent?

No, I don't. HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

It's Rattus' Potty Pyramid.

Pick wisely, Holly,

because some of those Year Spheres are even older than Dave.

All right.

Don't forget the Year Spheres containing AD dates will be added to

your score, and the ones containing BC dates will be subtracted from it.

Now, winning the Tudor Quiz means Holly is now automatically

through to play the Tudor Game, but will she be alone?

Or will everyone get to play? Let's find out, shall we?

It's an all-player game.

Off you all go, down the Time Sewer.

Go on, Mery.

-Oh, it stinks!

-It does.

Poo-eee!

It's hot in this thing!

Henry VIII may have ruled England with an iron fist,

but he couldn't wipe his own backside.

It's time to play Rattus' new game...

Groom Of The Stool.

You are Henry's Groom Of The Stool.

When the king hollers, you have to collect his chamber pot

and check his poo.

This game is genius!

In the meantime, you have to brick up the door

to the paranoid king's bedroom, so he can sleep safe from assassins.

First person to brick up the doorway wins a Year Sphere.

The game starts in three, two, one.

KLAXON

And off we go.

It really is a terrific new game this, isn't it, Rattus?

It's becoming one of my new bestest favourites, Dave.

Yeah, it was Henry VIII, wasn't it?

He was paranoid that he was going to get attacked in the night.

So he got himself bricked into his own bedroom every night.

That must have got tedious, mustn't it, Rattus?

Poop and architecture, Dave - two of my favourite things.

Didn't know you were into architecture.

Holly laying some solid foundations there.

And a decent start from Mery, too.

Yep. An interesting approach from Haider, as well.

Looking a little wobbly, though.

Of course, this wall building is very much at the mercy

of King Henry's very active bowels.

SQUIRTING

'I'm finished!'

And right on cue, there's Henry. He needs his stool examining.

Let's watch this go in.

-Oh! Some solid bits at the end there.

-A bit ploppy.

Oh, look, look at that! Oh, Rattus!

Oh, what a lumpy job!

Oh, good grief! That is absolutely horrendous, Rattus.

Oh, I did not need to see that.

Of course, the Groom Of The Stool was a real job,

and the man who got to check the king's...well, "jobs"

was very powerful and influential.

All our contestants doing very well here,

but it looks like Holly's got the edge.

-Yep, look at this!

-'I'm finished!'

Oh, that's King Henry again. Oh!

-What a moment!

-Oh, no, Henry wants the poops moving.

This is the dual nature of the job.

I saw it again, Rattus. Urgh!

I've seen things today, a man should never have to see, Rattus.

My eyes! My eyes!

It's desperately distressing, this game, but here we go.

This is the good side of things. Well done, Holly.

You've cleaned up in more ways than one.

Yes!

Congratulations, Holly. Collect your Year Sphere.

Come on back.

Yes, it stinks in that Time Sewer. I'm very sorry.

Well done, Holly. Very good, very good.

Tell me, have you ever bricked up a king in a doorway before?

No.

No? Surprising. You looked as if you had. Congratulations, Holly.

On to Round Two.

Let's find out what's next over at the Gory Grid.

It's the Savage Stone Age.

Here are your all-important Stone Age topics.

So, Haider, it's your turn to kick us off.

I'm going to choose...

Drink.

-That is a Prop Question.

-Prop Question! Prop Question!

Prop Question!

There it is, a skull.

True or false - cave people at Gough's Cave in Somerset

sometimes drank from human skulls.

Ooh!

He's got even less hair than you, Dave!

Well, he's got the same amount of hair as me, hasn't he?

Thank you, Rattus.

Can I see your answers now, please?

Ooh! Everybody thinks it's true. I can tell you...

it's true!

Well done. They did drink from skulls.

Excellent. That's a point for everybody. Well done.

Mery, it's your turn to choose a category.

Could I have Clothes, please?

Yes, you can. What's the question, please?

True or false - Stone Age people only wore animal skins.

I always wear an animal skin.

So Stone Age people only wore animal skins. True or false?

Haider has gone on his own here with true.

What's the answer, please?

No, false.

We also wore woven plants,

but pants made out of stinging nettles...

Oh, bad idea, really bad idea.

What a strange individual.

It's true - archaeologists have found evidence that Stone Age man

wore colourful clothes made of woven plants.

Well, that explains your shirt then.

Cheeky. Well done, Holly and Mery, a point apiece there.

Holly, it's your turn to pick.

Neanderthals, please.

Neanderthals. Let's hear that question.

True or false - early Neanderthal man had a smaller brain

than us modern humans.

Early Neanderthal man had smaller brains than us humans.

Is that true or is that false?

OK. Haider and Mery agreeing this time. What's the answer, please?

It's...false!

Neanderthals had bigger brains, so Neanderthals not just pretty face.

HE LAUGHS

Me tell joke...

them ugly!

Congratulations, Holly. That's another point for you.

Just one category left to go. The final category is Otzi.

Let's hear the question.

True or false - Otzi the iceman, a Stone Age man

who was mummified in ice, was wearing underpants when he died.

Mummified in ice. Here, Rattus, I bet Otzi was coldzi.

Well, they thought it was funny. Please yourself, Rattus.

Can I see your answers now, please?

Everybody has gone for true. What's the answer?

It's true!

Congratulations, all of you.

You got the final question right, and look at that.

At the end of that round, it's bad luck, Mery,

because you got three out of four which is excellent,

but Holly, with a full house, wins the Year Sphere.

Congratulations, Holly.

Excuse me!

As star of the show, I think I should do this bit.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Congratulations, Holly.

Step forward and help yourself to a...

one of those time ball thingies.

A Year Sphere, Rattus.

Year Sphere. That's, yes, that's the one.

Well done. YOU did that very professionally.

Holly, you're through to play the Stone Age game,

but will it be just you or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out.

It's a single-player game, Holly,

so back down the Time Sewer on your own, please.

Oh, yuck! Ew, this is disgusting!

Stone Agers weren't squeamish eaters and would eat any part of an animal,

even eat the half-digested contents of its stomach.

It's time to play...

One dead mega bear.

Your challenge is to reach into its stomach

and pull out the ingredients for today's meal,

which are on the cave painting beside you.

Then put them by the corresponding images, but be quick.

You have to finish it before the mega bear's friends come home.

Three, two, one.

KLAXON

So, time now for Holly to fish around inside a dead mega bear and

find those four ingredients amongst a load of half-digested rubbish.

Some intestines there in the basket, as they should be.

Whoa! Wait a minute. That looks like a cave man's foot.

It is a cave man's shoe, I believe.

Well, you know, if you're worried about relatives, do call in.

Obviously, if someone has been missing for a while,

that might be your answer. And there's the fish.

She's found the fish, Rattus.

No red herrings in this game, Dave.

No, just herrings that need to go in the picnic,

and that is a horse's hoof.

Hooves!

Hooves have been found, so that's good.

We have the horse element of the picnic.

But she still needs to find a rat and a cabbage.

Ooh, it's a rock.

It's a rock. You don't want one of those.

Good for digestion, Dave.

Well, I'll have to take your word for that, Rattus.

Now, if you've just tuned in and you're wondering why there's a child

with their arms inside a dead bear, then join the club, frankly!

I have to say, this is one greedy mega bear.

He's eaten everything in sight!

She needs to get the cabbage.

There's another fish... there's a lot of fish in there.

This bear must live close to water.

It's all a bit aquatic, isn't it?

'30 seconds remaining.'

Well, there's a cabbage leaf come out there, Rattus.

Well, that's a good start,

but there is an entire cabbage in there somewhere, Dave.

And that's what she needs to produce along with the elusive rat.

There really is a lot of mega bear, isn't there?

She's got a huge distance to cover inside there.

The problem she's going to have with the rat, of course, Dave,

is they can't half scamper about!

Yeah, that's an axe that came out there.

If you recognise that axe, again, do call in.

Only a few seconds remaining now. Will it be enough time?

It's not looking good.

Oh, that's it, time's up!

Holly has failed to find a rat or a cabbage,

and that means that the mega bears will surely come home and eat her.

Welcome back, Holly. Bad luck.

That was difficult, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

-Right, Round Three.

It's over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Measly Middle Ages!

Here are your four Middle Ages topics.

So, Mery, it's your turn to lead us off this time.

Can we have Food, please?

Then that is a question from Rattus Rattus.

Which of these was a common Middle Ages meal?

Was it...

Here's a clue, I'd eat any of them.

Let's be fair, Rattus. That's hardly a clue.

Is it A, B or C? Show me your answers now, please.

Holly and Haider agreeing on C.

Mery thinks it's B.

What's the answer, Rattus?

The answer is...

C, roasted hedgehogs,

which of course, come with their own toothpicks.

So, Holly and Haider, a good start this time.

-Holly, what's your topic, please?

-Can I have William I, please?

'Course you can. Let's have that question.

William the Conqueror was famous for which of these?

Or D. The tickling of the Harry?

There is no D. So, is it A, B or C?

Show me now, please.

B, B, C? I love it when that happens.

What's the answer?

The answer is B. The Harrying of the North.

William heard there was a rebellion against him

in the north of England, so his army murdered over 100,000 people

and burnt much of the North to a crisp.

Harsh!

Extremely harsh!

But not harsh for Holly and Haider, who have scored another point each.

And, Haider, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Can I have Sieges, please?

Let's have that question.

During the Siege of Antioch, the Crusaders became so hungry,

they started eating what?

They all sound pretty tasty to me.

I'm sure they do, Rattus. What could it be?

Answer me now, please.

Holly and Haider agreeing again, with C. Mery going for A.

What's the answer, please?

The answer is A. They started eating their own shoes.

The Crusaders also ended up drinking horse blood and eating rats.

Gross.

And on this week's historical Come Dine With Me,

we've got a starving Crusader.

Do you want me to call my agent?

No, I don't. Forget that. Forget I said that.

Mery, you're on your way back into this round. There we go.

One topic left, and that is Cures. Let's hear it.

A medieval cure for an eye infection was to blow what into your eye?

I love Middle Ages medicine.

You're living in the wrong era, Rattus, you really are.

Do you think it's A, B or C?

Show me your answers now, please.

Everybody's gone for A. What's the answer, please?

The answer is...

B!

Everyone knows you blow dog poo into your eye

to cure an eye infection, silly.

Yes, and cause a far more serious one.

Do NOT try that at home.

So no points for anyone on that final question,

which means Holly and Haider, we are going to a tie-breaker situation.

Fingers on your buzzers.

Beginning with the letter A, complete the name

of the French heroine who defeated the English at the Siege of Orleans?

Joan of...

-Holly?

-Arc.

Joan of Arc is the correct answer, Holly. Well done.

You can help yourself to another Year Sphere.

Amazing!

All these Year Spheres.

But will they be ADs or will they be BCs?

And if they're BCs,

that means that Haider and Mery are right back in it.

So, Holly, as the winner of the...

Oh, sorry to interrupt, Dave, but...my pay's arrived.

-Wow.

-Yeah, because I'm the star of the show now,

my agent negotiated a new deal.

You have to give me your agent's number.

Let's have a look at this. I've never seen this...

Oh!

DAVE GASPS AND RETCHES

I've been paid in horse poo, like some Saxon peasants used to be!

-Brilliant!

-Yeah, maybe I don't need your agent's number, after all.

OK, Holly, as the winner,

you're through to play the Middle Ages game,

but will it just be you or will the others be coming along poo...

er, too? Let's find out.

It's a single-player game,

so, Holly, it's off down the Time Sewer on your own again.

Urgh!

Because it's time to play Pig Piano!

PIG SQUEALS

King Louis XI of France was the proud owner of a pig piano.

Each key operated a spike, which pricked a piggy.

PIG SQUEALS Your challenge?

To listen to and repeat

an increasingly long sequence of piggy squeals.

Correctly repeat nine squeals within the time limit to win a Year Sphere.

It's time to get squealing!

KLAXON

Now, Rattus, what you need to do with this game

is really concentrate on the squeaks,

because what you don't need to do is make a silly mistake straight away

and get it wrong.

SQUELCHY RASPBERRY She's blown it.

-And the pig's blown it!

-Ohhh!

Pig poop!

It's all over. Well, that didn't take long, did it, fella?

Holly, Holly, Holly, bad luck, bad luck.

No Year Sphere there, I'm afraid.

Still, you've got four Year Spheres already,

and there is a chance for one more, everybody,

because it's time for our big all-play endgame.

So over to the Gory Grid one last time to find out what it is.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day.

I think we know what's coming.

Down the Time Sewer with the lot of you, please.

-Good luck down there.

-Urgh!

-Eww!

Eww, this stinks!

200 years ago, surgeons needed dead bodies

to find out more about how the human body worked,

and a gruesome crime became increasingly common.

Yes, it's time to play...

Your challenge is to steal three corpses

and get them on to the surgeon's table.

If you hear a police whistle... WHISTLE BLOWS

..you have to rush back to the cemetery and hide.

A second whistle means you can carry on.

The first person to get all their bodies to the table

and grab their criminal cash is the winner.

So, ready, steady...

KLAXON

So, here we go.

All of them stealing the bodies straight away,

and now they have to get them through the railings.

That's Mery working away there, pulling leg-first,

which is often good,

better than the pushing that Haider's trying, I think.

You can't push a corpse through railings.

It's one of the first things you learn at school.

I remember my old mother sitting me down and saying,

"Son, you can't push a corpse through railings,"

and how right she was.

Now, Mery looking to try and get the key to that gate out of the bag.

I think she's done it. Now she's working on the lock.

Holly and Haider are hot on her heels, though.

I think this is going to be a close one here.

And finally there, we're beginning to see some movement,

and, yes, Mery is through.

And corpse one hits the surgeon's table.

Quite rightly, going straight back - she's forgotten her trolley, though.

That's the thing I noticed there. She hasn't taken the trolley.

Meanwhile, Holly delivers corpse one.

Haider delivers corpse one as well,

and because Mery has had to come all the way back,

they are now very, very closely matched.

Here comes Mery, then, with the second corpse,

still favouring the pull-through technique.

Got one leg. Oh, that looks painful.

It's a very good job this golfer's dead.

Oh, what's this? Haider's sneaking ahead there!

Oh, there's a body on the floor,

but Haider just casually picks it up and cracks straight on.

Holly's still struggling there,

but Haider's got that second body on the table now!

He's taken the lead there.

This could be a substantial lead that Haider's taken here.

And Mery's really going to have to move it

if she wants to catch up here,

and Holly, too, delivering that second corpse.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Oh, now, there's the policeman's whistle.

They need to hide immediately.

What's Holly doing?

She's collected her wheelbarrow

instead of running straight back to hide!

Rule break! She needs to be behind the gravestone.

Oh, dear, oh, dear!

She must have been spotted by the policeman, Dave, surely.

Well, you have to hope he hasn't spotted her.

WHISTLE BLOWS Now they're back at it.

You have to say Holly might be on borrowed time here, though,

because that was a clear rule break.

Dave, surgeons actually learnt a lot about human anatomy

thanks to graverobbing, so it's not all bad.

Rattus, it is all bad!

Holly has got that third corpse through the gate first.

Haider is hard on her heels.

This is going to be incredibly close. Holly's bolted for that gate.

She's got that bag of money.

She's back behind the railings, and they're both celebrating like crazy.

But, oh, look at this!

The cold hand of the law taps her on the shoulder

because of the rule breaking, and Haider might well celebrate,

because he's got his freedom and he's got his Year Sphere.

Welcome back, welcome back. Wow.

Yes, Haider, yes. Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

The agony of choice. Lovely.

Well, Holly, you were celebrating away,

and then the long arm of the law caught up with you.

Do you know how long you're going to be in prison?

About four years.

Can you stay till the end of the show?

I've asked for permission, and yes.

OK, great. Well, I'm glad you can finish off the game.

-Haider, what a victory.

-Yes.

Mery, did you see what was going on with the policeman at any point?

Yeah. Holly probably didn't hear the whistle,

because she forgot to drop her wheelbarrow.

Do you know whether you're going to be called as a witness?

-I don't know yet.

-Oh, well.

Let's count up those Year Spheres anyway,

and, remember, AD dates are added to your total,

and BC dates are subtracted from it.

Mery is waiting at the end with zero points,

so if you two were to slip into negative territory,

Mery would be waiting to pounce, wouldn't you?

Very much like that.

Holly, open up your first sphere for me, please.

It's a good start, 1896 AD.

The first modern Olympic Games was held in Athens, Greece, that year.

Let's have a look at the second one.

1859 AD - Charles Darwin published The Origin Of The Species.

You're flying. Let's have a look at the third one.

1829 AD - Sir Robert Peel formed London's Metropolitan Police force.

You've just got to escape a big BC here.

It's another positive!

1431 AD - Joan of Arc was burned at the stake that year.

You have scored 7,015 points.

Mery, that means that your nought

is not going to be enough.

Haider, let's see what's in that sphere, just for interest's sake.

1845 AD - the Great Potato Famine began in Ireland that year.

All of that means that today's winner, with 7,015 points, is Holly.

And, Holly, you certainly deserve to take home a great prize.

Sadly, we don't have a great prize.

Instead, we've got something fished out of the Time Sewer by Rattus.

Excuse me, this one is the perfect combination of chicken and poo.

Explain, Rattus.

In Tudor times, naughty butchers would sew up live chicken bottoms

so the chickens swelled up with poo, making them look plump and juicy.

CHICKEN CLUCKS Oh, that is disgusting.

Only when it was cooked, Dave,

because the bird would explode with poo!

LOUD BANG

Yes, it came complete with its own gravy.

Oh, we have finally hit rock bottom.

-Thanks for that, Rattus.

-Literally!

RATTUS GUFFAWS

Holly, I suggest you pass that on to someone you really dislike.

Well played, though.

Haider and Mery, I know losing leaves a bad taste in the mouth,

but it's not as bad a taste as the Time Sewer's about to leave.

I'm afraid you have to go home via that despicable place.

Off you go.

-Bye, Rattus!

-See ya, bye. Thanks for coming!

Poo-whee!

-See ya, Haider!

-Bye!

And don't forget, you can play along next time

if you download the Gory Games app from the CBBC website.

Well, I've been Dave Lamb.

And I've been in charge.

More's the pity. You've been watching Gory Games.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

-# Horrible History's Gory Games

# Horrible History's Gory...

# Games! #