Episode 8 HH: Gory Games Play Along

MUSIC PLAYS

Oh, hey, Rattus. Nearly show time.

Is it? I'm starving hungry.

Yeah, well, don't eat what's left of my salad.

It's nice and fresh, not your sort of thing at all.

Oh, all right. I won't touch it.

You have my word, as a rat.

On in 30 seconds, Mr Lamb.

Yep, coming.

I got my eye on you, Rattus.

DOOR OPENS

DOOR SHUTS

GOBBLING

# If mummies, rat and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You better turn off

# This show ain't for you

# Still watching?

# Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# Games! #

Welcome to Gory Games. I'm Dave Lamb.

And I'm Rattus Rattus.

You all right, Rattus?

No, Dave, I'm really poorly.

You didn't finish my salad?

Hm, me? No, no, no, no, no.

Absolutely not.

-STOMACH GURGLES

-Excuse me.

Oh, Rattus! You know healthy food doesn't agree with you.

HE RETCHES

Try to make less sickie noises.

Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

Hi, I'm Diya and I'm from London!

Hello, Diya.

Hi, I'm Santiago and I'm from Kent.

Hello, Santiago.

Hi, I'm Beth and I'm from Yorkshire.

Hello, Beth!

Welcome, everyone.

-Right, you are playing to win Year Spheres.

-Ugh!

The person with the highest year score at the end of the show

will win a putrid prize picked out of the Time Sewer by Rattus Rattus.

HE RETCHES

Excuse I. Better out than in though, eh?

Tell me you're going to clear that mess up.

Yeah, no problem!

RATTUS EATS Oh, good grief.

And don't forget you can play along at home too.

Delicious, ha-ha! Yeah, that's right.

Just head along to the CBBC website,

download the Gory Games app,

and you can join in too!

So why wouldn't you do it?

What's our first round about, then?

Let's go over to the Gory Grid to find out.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day!

So, four questions on the Victorians coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere,

and your four Victorian topics are...

Beth, you get to pick first in this round.

Which one of those takes your fancy?

-Dickens, please.

-Dickens.

Is this true or false?

The famous Victorian writer Charles Dickens

came up with some silly names for his characters,

including the name Mr Pumblechook.

Is Mr Pumblechook the name of a Dickens character?

Let's see your answers now, please.

The first answer of the show, Rattus,

and they've all completely agreed.

Let's find out if they're right or if they're wrong.

It's true!

Get in! True it is, indeed.

We could also have used the Dickens characters

Mr Honeythunder...

RATTUS CACKLES

..Mr Sowerberry...

RATTUS CACKLES

..Mr Sweedlepipe...

RATTUS CACKLES

..or Miss Chickenstalker.

Not so funny, is it, that one? LAUGHTER

Never mind. Excellent. Well done, everybody.

You're all off to a flyer.

Santiago, which one would you like to choose?

Darwin, please.

Let's hear that question about Darwin.

True or false?

Famous scientist Charles Darwin sailed to the Galapagos Islands

and loved the giant tortoises there so much

that he banned his crew from eating them.

Charles Darwin, famous, of course, for his work on evolution.

Did he ban his crew from eating giant tortoises?

Is that true, or is that false? Show me now, please.

Wow! All of you think that's true. What's the answer, please?

It's false!

Darwin did love giant tortoises, but to eat.

He loaded 48 of them aboard his ship to be scoffed on the journey home.

Right, Diya, your turn to choose a category.

Purring, please.

Let's hear that question.

True or false?

In Victorian Lancashire, a popular sport was purring,

in which you had to strip naked,

then kick each other in the shins while wearing clogs.

Could that possibly be true?

Can I see your answers now, please?

This is a bit uncanny now, Rattus.

-Isn't it?

-They've all completely agreed again.

What's the answer, please?

It's true!

And people sometimes even died from doing it.

Imagine that! Getting killed by kicking someone in the shins.

Yeah, purring is often followed by death,

particularly when it's a cat and you're a rat.

Well, this is close, isn't it?

We've got one question left in this round.

And it is a question on Eccentrics.

True or false?

Victorian eccentric Dr William Buckland

ate the mummified brain of Louis XIV of France.

Victorian eccentric Dr William Buckland

ate the mummified brain of Louis XIV of France.

Let's see those answers, please.

Well, someone's disagreed! What's the answer, please?

It's false! Of course it is!

No! He ate the mummified heart of Louis XIV of France.

Oof!

It looks like it's your turn to be sick!

Yeah, well, I'm mummified-heart-intolerant.

I've got my reasons.

Beth, that's fantastic. Look at that. Boom!

Time to choose your Year Sphere.

And time for me to say...

ECHOING: ..all hail the potty pyramid!

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Help yourself, but pick carefully,

because AD dates will be added to your total score,

but BC dates will be subtracted from it.

Oh, was that a bad decision, like my eating Dave's salad?

STOMACH GURGLES Yes, indeed. Ooh, crikey.

RATTUS MUMBLES Yeah, see ya, Rattus.

Just leave that on your podium, Beth.

We'll find out what's inside there later on.

And, by the sounds of things,

we'll find out what's inside Rattus later on, as well.

Now, winning the Victorian quiz means that Beth

is automatically through to play the Victorian game.

But will she be alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out.

It's an all-play scary game!

So off down the Time Sewer with the lot of ya!

-Go on, Diya.

-Oh, it stinks!

Oh, it does, I'm afraid.

-Urgh!

-Urgh!

-Get me out of here!

Bye, Beth.

DOOR CLANGS

In Victorian times, some children were made to clean chimneys.

It was dirty and dangerous work,

a horrible bit of history...

that makes a great new game!

It's time to play...

Your challenge is to shimmy up and down a chimney,

clearing four blockages.

The first person to stick their brush

out of the top of the chimney is the winner.

In three, two, one.

HORN BLARES

-Ah, yeah.

-Better now?

Oh, yes, thank you, Dave. I drunk some toilet water.

Charming.

So our chimney sweeps are all heading up the flue

to try to clear those four blockages.

That's the first nest there for Santiago.

Yeah, he's doing well.

Diya hot on his heels,

and Beth still in it, of course.

And there they go, arm over arm,

very much like the monkey bars in a playground, Rattus.

Oh, I remember those days!

Yeah, those were the days, before safe landings.

You'd break an arm every week.

-Do you remember that?

-I do.

Lots of fun.

But not as bad as the Victorian age,

where these children were forced up chimneys

and had a right old time of it.

So that's two obstacles each

for Santiago and Diya.

Beth trying to get onto level terms,

but these two are neck and neck.

Santiago very quick to release

that nest over there, Rattus.

And here comes the master chimney sweep.

He's got to be encouraging the contestants to climb up

by poking them with sharp pins.

Yes, Dave. They really did this.

They absolutely did.

I believe you.

Those Victorian bosses were notoriously mean!

Santiago now reaching for the fourth blockage there,

but Beth and Diya are hot on his heels.

Yep, Santiago and Beth both freeing their crows swiftly there,

but now so is Diya.

And look at her go, as she whizzes back down the chimney.

Oh! And Diya has stolen her marks there on Santiago!

She's come from nowhere!

This could go either way.

The bird falling off Diya's stomach there, and now it's a foot race.

It's a straight race up the chimney!

Can Santiago hold it together?

He seems to be driving towards the chimney brush.

His head's going to hit the...

HORN BLARES Boom! Santiago's there!

CHEERING The broom comes out of the chimney

and Diya ended up coming third.

Well, would you believe it?

Santiago sends a kiss in two directions at once.

Extraordinary!

Well, congratulations. Welcome back. Well done, Santiago.

DRAMATIC MUSIC Well done, sir.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Oh, you have.

Wow, that was quite a game.

Santiago, you were undoing those knots very rapidly indeed.

Yeah, they were the worst knots on Earth.

Well, I've heard some insults to knots in my time.

RATTUS MOANS Feeling ill again, Rattus?

Oh, Dave, my tummy hurts.

I think I'm going to recolour the studio!

No, no, no, no, Rattus! LAUGHTER

No, no, let me give you a little tummy rub.

Don't be sick.

On to Round Two, then.

BUBBLING NOISE And, to find out what's up next,

it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Rotten Romans.

Four questions again, and here are your all-important Roman topics...

-STOMACH GURGLES

-That's better, Dave, thank you.

FARTING NOISE Oh! Maybe for you.

So, Santiago, it's your turn to go first this time.

Gladiators, please.

That is a prop question.

-Prop question! Prop...

-STOMACH GURGLES

Rattus, hold it in.

So this is called an amphora of gladiator sweat.

Romans collected and sold gladiator sweat.

What was it supposed to be good for?

Was it...?

BABY LAUGHS

BUZZING

CHOMPING

Have a whiff of that, Rattus.

Urgh! That stuff smells disgusting!

-Yes.

-Could I have it when you're done with it?

Yes, you can, Rattus.

So, is it A, B or C? Let's see your answers, please.

Diya and Beth agreeing on A.

Santiago has gone for C.

I can tell you that the answer is...

A!

Gladiator sweat was supposed to keep you young.

So a bit late for you, then, Dave.

-At least I'm not as old as your jokes.

-Oh!

LAUGHTER Congratulations, Diya and Beth.

That is a point apiece.

Diya, your turn to pick a topic.

Gods, please.

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

What was Crepitus the Roman god of?

LOUD VOMITING

SNORTING

LOUD RASPBERRY

Sick, phlegm and farts - sounds like an afternoon out with you, Rattus.

Let's see those answers, please.

Whoa. Everyone has gone for B.

Rattus, what's the answer?

The answer is C!

Crepitus is the god of farts.

-LOUD RASPBERRY

-Ooh, excuse me.

Whoo! No points there, then, I'm afraid.

-Beth, what would you like?

-Nero, please.

Nero. Let's hear that question.

What did Emperor Nero once give his girlfriend Poppaea as a gift?

BEES BUZZ

WOLVES HOWL

So, was it A, a wasp's nest, was it B, a pack of wolves,

or was it C, his wife's head?

Show me now, please.

In total unison, everyone's gone for C.

Are they all right, or are they all wrong?

The answer is C.

Nero had his wife Octavia murdered

and sent his girlfriend Poppaea her head as a gift.

Note to self - never date Nero.

Turns out that birthday present you gave me

-wasn't the worst present in the world, after all.

-Cheek!

Although it was definitely in the top three.

So that's one point for each of you.

There is one topic left in this round. That is Crassus.

Here comes the question.

After losing in battle to the Parthians,

the Roman general Marcus Licinius Crassus

was put to death by being forced to swallow what?

LIQUID GLOOPS

SNAKES HISS

RUMBLING

Was it A, molten gold, B, live snakes,

or C, lava from a volcano?

Show me your answers now, please.

Diya, it's just you thinking it's A.

Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is A.

The Parthians poured molten gold into Crassus' mouth

as a symbol of his thirst for wealth.

Hey, did he end up doing little golden poos?

RATTUS CACKLES Diya, that means that you have won the round,

and you can collect yourself a Year Sphere.

Congratulations.

Is that Year Sphere a good choice,

or is it going to make you feel sick?

Oh, ha-ha(!)

OK, Diya, you're through to play the Roman game,

but will it be just you or will others get to play too?

Let's find out.

Oh, it's a single-player silly game.

So, Diya, get yourself down that Time Sewer on your own.

-Bye.

-Bye.

It's 31BC and Roman civil war.

Octavian is taking on Mark Antony in an epic fight at sea.

It's time to play our new game...

The Battle of Actium.

You are a member of Octavian's navy.

Your task is to load your catapult, aim and sink the enemy ships.

There's one point for every ship you sink,

and two points if you hit Mark Antony's blue ship.

Score five points in the time limit to win your Year Sphere.

Battle begins now!

HOOTER SOUNDS

So here goes Diya, ready to battle at sea. Ready, aim...

You have to strike the ships high up on the sails or they will not sink.

This game takes balance, concentration and, above all,

good aim.

Ooh, it's close, but no lollipop!

GULL SCREECHES

Oh, now, here comes Trevor the seagull.

We don't like Trevor, do we, Rattus?

-No.

-30 seconds remaining!

Not quite got her... That taught him a lesson.

That's it. Trevor's dead.

-He's down!

-Trevor is down.

He's stunned at best, I'm afraid,

and he's already been eaten.

He's disappeared from view.

He's been eaten by a passing whale

and, frankly, deserved that.

Ooh! That was Mark Antony's ship

that she just missed out on, there, Rattus.

I kind of miss Trevor now, the seagull.

For all the bad words I said about him,

it'd be nice to have him back.

Still, it's a shame he got in the way of Diya's firing line,

but she has yet to hit a ship.

HOOTER SOUNDS And she's not going to hit one now.

Bad luck, Diya!

RIP, Trevor the seagull.

So, Diya, oh, bad luck.

Unfortunately, no Year Sphere for you.

How did you find that?

It was challenging, but at least I actually aimed the seagull.

You took the seagull out.

Did you start to feel a bit seasick at any point?

-Yeah.

-Talking of seasick, are you going to be sick again?

No, absolutely not, but I think it's moved down to the other end, Dave.

-STOMACH RUMBLES

-Any chance you could rub my...bottom?

Moving swiftly on to round three,

and it's over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Awful Egyptians.

Here are your four Egyptian topics...

So, Diya, your turn to lead us off.

What's it going to be?

Grey hair, please.

Let's hear that question.

True or false?

To remedy grey hairs,

Egyptians would apply putrid camel liver to their hair.

So to remedy grey hairs,

Egyptians would apply putrid camel liver to their hair.

Is that true, or is that false? Let's have a look.

Well, the girls both think it's true. What's the answer?

It's false. As if camel liver would remedy grey hairs, no.

You have to apply putrid donkey liver.

-DONKEY BRAYS

-Was that what made your hair fall out, Dave?

No, that is a rumour. I want to deny that in full.

Well done, Santiago. One brain goes across.

You've taken an early lead in this round.

Beth, which topic would you like?

Can I have mummies, please?

Yes, you can, and that is a prop question.

Prop...

question.

Here is the prop. This is obviously a mummy's arm.

True or false?

Ancient Egyptian mummies were very valuable

when they were dug up in the Victorian era.

Is that true, or is that false? Let me know.

I can tell you that the answer is...

false!

Beth, congratulations. I should move that across.

Mummification was very popular in ancient Egypt

and so many mummies were dug up in the Victorian era

that they were even used for firewood.

So two topics left for you to choose from, Santiago.

Which is it to be?

Lions, please.

Lions. Nice. Let's hear that question.

Is it true or false?

LION ROARS Cheeky old Ramesses II.

Did he used to take a lion into battle with him, do you think?

Is that true, or is that false? Show me now.

All perfect agreement there. Is that right?

It's true!

Yes, it's true.

Ramesses II did take a big cat into battle with him.

Imagine how scary that would have been, Rattus.

Just take a moment to imagine it now.

RATTUS SCREAMS

I knew that was going to happen.

That's a point apiece. Well done, everybody.

The final question is on food. Let's hear it now.

True or false?

At posh banquets,

ancient Egyptians ate locusts smothered in honey for dessert.

Did Egyptians eat honey-coated locusts as a sort of desert dessert?

Show me your answers now, please.

Let's find out what the answer is.

It's true! Honeyed locusts are simply scrumptious.

Mmm!

Oh, I don't think I should be thinking about food.

Congratulations.

That is points to all of you, which means at the end of that round,

Santiago and Beth, we are now in a tie-breaker situation.

ALARM WAILS

Fingers on your buzzers.

Beginning with the letter C,

which animal was regarded as highly sacred by ancient Egyptians?

Yes, Beth.

-Cat.

-Cats is the correct answer, Beth.

Congratulations. You win yourself another Year Sphere.

Ooh, what's she going to go for?

Oh, I would have picked that one too.

OK, Beth, as the winner of the Egyptian quiz,

you're through to play the Egyptian game,

but will it be just you, or will the others get to play too?

Let us find out.

Ooh, it's a single-player gory game, Beth,

so off down the Time Sewer on your own, please.

-Bye.

-Bye!

And she's gone.

The next game contains more guts than a cheap frankfurter.

Oh, stop talking about food!

My bad. It's time to play that Gory Games classic...

Mummify Me.

Take one mummified pharaoh, remove the stomach, liver,

intestines, and lungs and put them in the correct canopic jars.

Yank the brain out through the nose and bin it,

and bin the bladder, but be careful to leave the heart inside the body.

Your time starts now.

HOOTER SOUNDS

What's she going to go for first?

Well, she's got to put her safety goggles on.

Well done, health and safety, and straight for the brain, of course.

Jam that right up the nose!

Doesn't matter how many times I see this, Dave,

it always makes me wince.

Now, here come the guts.

How much yardage have we got in here today?

Well, it's beginning to grow. There's quite a lot.

It's like some sort of grisly tug-of-war,

but you wouldn't want to do this on a village green.

Straight into the canopic jar. That's what she's doing, of course.

She's checking the key there,

because you've got the organ matched against a picture

on the canopic jar, and she's put that in correctly.

She's got the liver.

That needs to go in a canopic jar,

and she's very carefully checking which one.

Now, she's back.

She still needs to find the stomach and the lungs

and other organs lurk within.

Look at that - she's got her finger

right in the top of the bladder there,

trying to stop the wee from coming out, Rattus.

Oh, come on!

Oh! It's a good technique but it's completely failed.

The wee has gone all over her arm.

-She needs to put that in the bin now.

-30 seconds remaining!

Remember, she has to leave the heart inside, but the lungs,

they are fair game.

She's really having to exert herself to get this mummy

stripped of its organs, isn't she?

Now checking the key again. Where's it going to go?

Beautifully done!

Now she just needs to find the stomach.

Has she found it there? Yes, it's the stomach.

-Stomach's the last thing.

-So can she do it?

I think that's it, Beth.

-Yep, there she goes!

-Yes!

-The celebration begins.

Well done, Beth, well done, well played indeed.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere straight off.

Amazing effort.

This one.

Wow. Well done. A Year Sphere is yours.

-Urgh.

-Oh, Rattus, you're still not better, are you?

-STOMACH RUMBLING

-No.

-No.

So do you know what I've done?

I've got you a nurse.

Oh, yes, please, Dave.

It's only the most famous nurse in history, Florence Nightingale.

Huh? If she can't cure you, I don't know who can.

Oh, thanks, Dave.

The only problem is she's a bit of a stickler for hygiene.

Look, Florence, a rat!

-GASPING:

-A rat! Rat! Unclean!

Get rid of it.

-Arghh!

-Get rid of it!

Whoa!

Well, that went like clockwork.

It's time for our big all-play endgame.

So over to the Gory Grid to find out what we've got.

It's the Groovy Greeks.

It's the Groovy Greeks! Everybody back down that Time Sewer. Come on!

It's time to play our new messy game.

-See ya!

-Ooh, yay.

-See ya.

Bye-bye! I hope I return!

-I'll see you later.

-Wish me luck!

-Good luck!

-And that new game is called...

-Hippocrates Eats Bogies.

Greek brain box Hippocrates is considered to be

the father of medicine, because he was the first doctor

to use rigorous scientific methods,

like tasting people's snot, ear wax, wee and pus.

Your challenge is to take the unsavoury samples

down your inflatable lane and feed them to Hippocrates.

The person who gets the most in Hippocrates' mouth

wins the Year Sphere, and your time starts now.

HOOTER SOUNDS

Ah, Rattus, did you give Florence the slip?

You betcha. I pooped and she slipped over.

Poor old Florence.

Now, what our contestants need to do is take ear wax, snot, bogey,

all manner of stuff, and shove it into Hippocrates' mouth

because that's what he used to do.

Diya's racing ahead there,

but will she get her samples into the big fella's big gob?

No! She went wide with that blob of ear wax, so that counts for nothing.

There's Santiago wrestling with his bucket a little bit there.

Beth's up the other end. She's trying to deliver something there.

Well, not too shabby. She got one in!

Hippocrates really did believe you could diagnose a patient

by tasting their snot, ear wax, wee and pus.

And that'll never work, Dave.

-You have to taste their poo.

-Urgh!

-What? It works for rat doctors.

-Ugh!

Look at Beth's style there.

I like the way she opens her mouth when she feeds Hippocrates' bogies,

and it's working. She got plenty in there.

There's Diya. Let's see what she does here.

Well, she gets a bogey there.

-That's a bogey, and it's straight in.

-Oh, straight in!

Yeah, look at that.

She's doing really well now, is Diya.

But Beth is back up her lane like a rocket!

Here she goes.

There's Beth's trademark roar. Look at it.

Argggh!

-Oh! That sneeze went everywhere!

-30 seconds remaining!

Didn't stop Diya landing that blob of ear wax, though,

and she cleverly avoids the snot.

And as you know, Rattus,

bogies are very slippery if you get them on your feet,

but that patch of bogey able to be avoided at the moment.

There's not much time left. Diya's really going for it!

Oh! She misses, and the wee goes flying!

Look out, though - there's Beth in the top lane,

trying to score some last-minute snot.

It's looking good for her either way!

The clock is ticking down.

ALARM WAILS And it's all over!

Beth's the bogey champ.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, everyone. Well done.

I suspect you want to know who's won that.

I can reveal that, Beth, you have won the final Year Sphere.

Select it now, please.

This one.

Time to count up those Year Spheres, and remember,

AD years are added to your total, and BC years are, Santiago?

-Subtracted.

-Subtracted from it. So, Beth, here we go, then.

Let's open up that first Year Sphere.

Oh, it's a good one - 1867AD.

America purchased Alaska from Russia that year.

Let's have a look at the second one.

Oh, no! It's bad! It's not catastrophic, but it's bad.

3000 BC - the Egyptian calendar was created around about then.

Let's have a look at the next one.

Oh, dear! 332 BC - Alexander the Great conquered Egypt.

Let's have a look at the next one.

Oh, for heaven's sake!

3500BC - the first pyramids on Earth were constructed in Peru.

You've ended up with a total of minus 4,965.

Bad luck, Beth, but who knows, who knows? It may be enough.

Santiago, let's have a look.

No, it's not enough, Beth.

1503 AD, Santiago - Leonardo da Vinci begins painting

the Mona Lisa that year.

That puts you currently in first place.

Diya, it all comes down to the opening of that sphere.

1775 AD! Congratulations!

The American Revolution began that year,

but more importantly, Diya, it means that you are today's winner.

Yes! Congratulations.

Massive commiserations to the other two, particularly you, Beth,

but that's history - sometimes it's horrible.

Now, this would be the perfect point in the show

to award an amazing prize.

Sadly, that won't happen.

It's invisible ink,

as used by Francis Walsingham, Elizabeth I's top spy.

Well, actually, that sounds quite cool.

They used to make invisible ink out of lemon juice or wee.

And which is this?

Does it smell of lemons?

No, it doesn't, unfortunately. Well, look, there it is.

There's your invisible ink.

You could use that to write to Rattus to complain about the prize.

Our two runners up unfortunately now have the very unpleasant task

of crawling home through the stink of the Time Sewer.

Off you go, the pair of you. Go on!

This is, like, the worst day of my life, I think.

And don't forget, you can play along next time

if you download the Gory Games app from the CBBC website.

Until next time, I've been Dave Lamb.

-And I've been largely unwell.

-That is so true.

You've been watching Gory Games. Goodbye!

# Horrible History's Gory...

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