Episode 7 Horrible Histories


Episode 7

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Episode 7. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians, slimy stewards,

0:00:020:00:03

# Vile Victorians, woeful wars, ferocious fights,

0:00:030:00:05

# Dingy Castles, daring knights!

0:00:050:00:06

# Horrors that defy description, cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

0:00:060:00:09

# Vicious Vikings, cruel crime, piles of stuff from ancient times

0:00:090:00:12

# Romans, rotten rank and ruthless,

0:00:120:00:13

# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless

0:00:130:00:15

# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages, mean and misery middle ages

0:00:150:00:18

# Gory stories, we do that

0:00:180:00:20

# And your host a talking rat

0:00:200:00:23

# The past is no longer a mystery

0:00:230:00:27

# Welcome to Horrible Histories! #

0:00:270:00:31

Terrible Tudors.

0:00:330:00:36

Our Tudor Queen, Elizabeth I, liked to think that she was very beautiful,

0:00:370:00:42

but she wasn't really much of a looker.

0:00:420:00:45

Oh Yea! magazine has all the gossip from Elizabethan times.

0:00:460:00:50

We've got the pictures they didn't want you to see.

0:00:500:00:53

She wanted her portraits burned because she looked ugly,

0:00:530:00:57

but we have them.

0:00:570:00:58

Queen Elizabeth I as you've never seen her before.

0:00:580:01:01

Big spot on the neck. Should've covered that up, ma'am.

0:01:010:01:05

Urgh, sweaty pits, even though Liz has four baths a year,

0:01:050:01:09

yes, four whole baths a year.

0:01:090:01:11

Oh, dear, your majesty, you really shouldn't have caught smallpox.

0:01:110:01:16

You've got more craters than the moon!

0:01:160:01:18

Ugh, look at the rotten gob!

0:01:190:01:20

Don't smile, your Royal Ugliness!

0:01:200:01:23

Saint Catherine of Sienna's diet revealed.

0:01:230:01:26

Stay thin by drinking leper's pus and water.

0:01:260:01:29

All the goss, all the pics, all the Tudor tittle-tattle,

0:01:290:01:33

only in this week's Oh Yea!

0:01:330:01:35

Tudor medicine wasn't exactly brilliant.

0:01:350:01:38

When Queen Elizabeth caught smallpox,

0:01:380:01:41

a disease that often killed people,

0:01:410:01:43

her doctors thought the best cure

0:01:430:01:45

would be to wrap her up in a lovely red blanket.

0:01:450:01:48

She did live, but uh, somehow I don't think the blanket

0:01:480:01:51

had a lot to do with it.

0:01:510:01:53

The doctor's on his way now.

0:02:040:02:05

Um, he looks a bit odd.

0:02:050:02:09

Oh, yes, well he's on loan to us from the Tudor era.

0:02:100:02:13

Ahh!

0:02:160:02:17

Greetings sir, what ails thee this day?

0:02:180:02:21

Touch of the plague?

0:02:210:02:23

No.

0:02:230:02:24

-Demonic possession?

-No.

-Small dragon living in the stomach?

0:02:240:02:28

No, of, of course not.

0:02:280:02:30

I've got a blister on my thumb and was a bit worried about it.

0:02:300:02:35

Worry no more!

0:02:350:02:36

We Tudors have great experience in the field of medicine.

0:02:360:02:41

All I need to do...

0:02:410:02:43

is put a...burning hot plaster on the skin to draw out the blister.

0:02:430:02:49

Argh, that burns! You idiot!

0:02:490:02:52

Mmm, yes.

0:02:520:02:54

The scorching plaster has caused redness of the skin,

0:02:540:02:57

but worry not, we shall sort that out...

0:02:570:03:00

Nice and sharp. Need to make several cuts, here.

0:03:000:03:03

-Argh!

-Here.

-Argh!

-And here.

-Argh!

0:03:030:03:06

-Ooh.

-Let some of the blood out.

0:03:060:03:08

-Oh, I feel a bit faint.

-Ooh, yes, well, you do look a little pale.

0:03:080:03:12

Well, don't worry, a few sips of this will sort you out.

0:03:120:03:17

-What is it?

-Eh, it's beer.

0:03:170:03:19

Mixed in with some lice.

0:03:190:03:21

Ooh, yes.

0:03:220:03:24

Ah, now some of the lice seem to be making a home in your hair,

0:03:240:03:28

but don't worry, the cure for that

0:03:280:03:31

is very simple, we just need to wash your hair in tobacco juice.

0:03:310:03:35

Just like that. Aah.

0:03:350:03:38

Ah, now.

0:03:380:03:40

That's odd. The tobacco juice seems to have caused some baldness.

0:03:400:03:46

Uh, don't worry, we Tudors have a cure for that, too.

0:03:460:03:51

-Simply smear the affected area in fox grease. Yes.

-Argh!

0:03:510:03:57

-What are you doing? Get off!

-Watch out for the fox grease on the floor.

0:03:570:04:00

Oh, my head. Ugh.

0:04:010:04:03

Ooh, that does look nasty.

0:04:050:04:08

Don't worry, give you something for the pain.

0:04:080:04:11

Now that is a combination of hemlock and opium.

0:04:110:04:14

It's a great painkiller, although sadly it does act as a strong poison

0:04:140:04:18

if I give you too much, which is quite likely,

0:04:180:04:21

-so you may suffer some ill effects, such as death.

-Oh...

0:04:210:04:25

-Mmm.

-I only came in...with a blister!

0:04:250:04:29

Ah, dead. Right, who's next?

0:04:310:04:35

Groovy Greeks.

0:04:390:04:41

We Greeks were great at making up stories.

0:04:420:04:46

So good, in fact, that sometimes it's difficult to tell

0:04:460:04:50

if they really happened or not, like this one, the story of Helen of Troy.

0:04:500:04:55

Ancient Sparta and the King has news for his daughter, Helen of Troy.

0:04:580:05:03

Daughter, it is time to choose a husband

0:05:030:05:06

from all the Kings and the Princes of Greece.

0:05:060:05:09

Yeah, whatever, I'll have that one.

0:05:100:05:13

Menelaus of Sparta is chosen.

0:05:130:05:15

Sweet as a nut, mate. Yes!

0:05:150:05:19

Helen and Menelaus were married the next week.

0:05:190:05:22

Helen, you is well fit.

0:05:220:05:25

Your face could launch a thousand ships, yeah?

0:05:250:05:29

What, what is that supposed to mean?

0:05:290:05:31

I think I've married an idiot.

0:05:310:05:33

But then...

0:05:350:05:36

another suitor turned up.

0:05:360:05:38

Sorry I'm late, yeah.

0:05:380:05:40

I Paris, Prince of Troy, I'm here for the husband choosing.

0:05:400:05:45

You is too late, yeah?

0:05:450:05:46

This ship has already sailed and it's mine.

0:05:460:05:49

Captain Menelaus.

0:05:490:05:51

Wow! That Paris, he is well fit.

0:05:510:05:57

Menelaus won't mind if I run away to Troy with Paris,

0:05:580:06:02

he'll forget about me in like no time.

0:06:020:06:04

But Menelaus didn't forget about Helen.

0:06:040:06:07

Listen up yeah,

0:06:070:06:09

I want all us Greek soldiers to march on Troy, ya get me?

0:06:090:06:14

We're gonna tear that city up!

0:06:140:06:17

Kill them all, is it?

0:06:170:06:19

Yeah, it is.

0:06:190:06:21

-Meanwhile, in Troy...

-Whoops.

0:06:210:06:24

Uh, sorry. Started a war. Urgh.

0:06:240:06:28

Ha ha! Oh...

0:06:280:06:30

Menelaus has bought a huge army to take you back to Greece, yeah?

0:06:310:06:35

He's surrounded Troy.

0:06:350:06:37

We is going to war.

0:06:370:06:39

Oh. Oh, you boys. Honestly. Ha-ha!

0:06:400:06:45

The war lasts for ten long years.

0:06:450:06:50

Ugh, bored now. Oh.

0:06:500:06:54

Helen, I got well bad news. Paris is dead.

0:06:570:07:02

Which one's he again?

0:07:020:07:05

My brother, the Prince.

0:07:050:07:08

That bloke you ran off with? The reason for this ten year war?

0:07:080:07:12

Oh, yeah, I remember.

0:07:120:07:14

All Helen has to do to end the war and thousands of lives,

0:07:140:07:18

is go back to her husband Menelaus.

0:07:180:07:20

What will she do?

0:07:200:07:23

Ooh, you is well fit. Do you fancy getting married?

0:07:240:07:27

If you like.

0:07:270:07:29

Me name's Diephobus by the way.

0:07:290:07:30

-Whatever.

-Friends call me Phoby.

0:07:300:07:33

Don't really care.

0:07:330:07:35

It was to be a short marriage.

0:07:360:07:38

All right Menelaus, what is up, boo?

0:07:380:07:41

I has destroyed Troy, Paris is dead, Deus, Deus,

0:07:410:07:47

that one is dead as well

0:07:470:07:48

and it's all cos of you, girl.

0:07:480:07:50

What you got to say for yourself? Ugh.

0:07:500:07:52

Ooh, you're really fit when you're angry.

0:07:520:07:55

-Do you fancy getting back together again?

-Yeah.

0:07:550:07:58

What am I like? Aha!

0:07:580:08:02

So, that's the story of Helen of Troy.

0:08:020:08:05

For years she and Paris were safe inside the city of Troy.

0:08:050:08:09

Menelaus and his Greek army couldn't get inside its huge walls,

0:08:090:08:13

but then they came up with a nifty idea, why not use a horse?

0:08:130:08:17

No, stupid, they didn't jump the walls,

0:08:170:08:19

they built a huge wooden one and they hid inside it.

0:08:190:08:23

Ha. Imagine that.

0:08:230:08:25

Wibble wobble, wibble wobble.

0:08:250:08:27

This is unbelievable, unbelievable, I mean this will never work.

0:08:310:08:36

It'll work. It's brilliant.

0:08:360:08:38

It's ridiculous.

0:08:380:08:40

We've been at war with Troy for ten years,

0:08:400:08:42

-ten years we've tried to get in the city walls?

-Right.

0:08:420:08:46

Suddenly this morning they're gonna think

0:08:460:08:48

"Oh, they've gone home. They've given up"?

0:08:480:08:51

-Yes.

-A massive wooden horse,

0:08:510:08:54

big enough to comfortably hide 100 Greek soldiers.

0:08:540:08:58

I didn't say comfortably.

0:08:580:09:00

What are the Trojans gonna think?

0:09:000:09:03

"Oh, they've left us a present.

0:09:030:09:05

"I know, let's drag it inside the city walls and all go to bed."

0:09:050:09:10

Like I said, it's brilliant.

0:09:100:09:13

There's someone coming.

0:09:130:09:15

Whoa.

0:09:150:09:17

A massive wooden horse.

0:09:170:09:21

'Well, that is odd.'

0:09:210:09:25

-Any sign of the Greeks?

-Uh, no sir.

0:09:250:09:28

Best guess, they just suddenly decided to pack up and go home,

0:09:280:09:33

leaving a massive wooden horse,

0:09:330:09:35

like a gift, say sorry for all the killing and that.

0:09:350:09:39

Oh, well that's really nice.

0:09:390:09:41

Yeah.

0:09:410:09:44

Although it could be some sort of a trap, you know what Greeks are like.

0:09:440:09:49

-Yeah.

-Well, the way I see it, we've got two options here,

0:09:490:09:53

-either we assume it is a trap and burn it where it stands.

-Mmm hmm.

0:09:530:09:58

Or we say look, this is just a nice, if completely weird present, and

0:09:580:10:04

drag it inside the city walls, leave it unguarded and go to bed.

0:10:040:10:08

My mum always taught me to try and see the best in people, sir.

0:10:080:10:12

Quite right.

0:10:120:10:13

All right, let's drag it inside.

0:10:130:10:16

Come on soldier.

0:10:160:10:17

-Can't believe it worked.

-I told you.

0:10:250:10:27

I thought of everything, there's nothing can go wrong.

0:10:270:10:32

PFRRRRT!

0:10:320:10:33

Flatulus.

0:10:330:10:35

Oh, you're an animal.

0:10:350:10:37

The story of the wooden horse has a happy ending,

0:10:380:10:42

us Greeks got inside Troy and slaughtered all the Trojans.

0:10:420:10:47

Ah. Well, it was happy ending for us Greeks, anyway.

0:10:470:10:51

Measly Middle Ages.

0:10:520:10:55

The answer is...

0:11:100:11:12

B, a knight would give the baby its first feed

0:11:120:11:15

from the tip of his sword.

0:11:150:11:17

Oh, I can't.

0:11:590:12:01

Otherwise we can't catch them.

0:12:380:12:40

Posh knights like that love to go jousting,

0:12:450:12:48

but us poor peasants couldn't afford the horses and stuff.

0:12:480:12:53

So instead, we went jousting on ice.

0:12:530:12:55

Hi, and welcome to That Was Entertainment,

0:13:040:13:07

the show that takes mass entertainment of the past

0:13:070:13:10

and recreates it in modern day.

0:13:100:13:13

I'm Bradley Huxtable and as always

0:13:130:13:15

I'm joined by my esteemed panel of judges.

0:13:150:13:19

You want to see good family entertainment?

0:13:190:13:22

Well, you won't find it here, because tonight we're recreating...

0:13:220:13:27

Jousting on ice.

0:13:270:13:31

APPLAUSE

0:13:310:13:33

That's right. When the River Thames froze over in the Middle Ages,

0:13:330:13:37

peasants used to joust on it, just like knights,

0:13:370:13:40

only without armour and with ice skates instead of horses.

0:13:400:13:43

It was dangerous, it was deadly, it was great entertainment,

0:13:440:13:49

if you're a Medieval peasant.

0:13:490:13:51

APPLAUSE

0:13:510:13:53

We've kitted these two out in skates made from animal bone.

0:13:530:13:57

Now they're gonna skate at each other as fast as they can

0:13:570:14:01

and ram each other using these lethal poles.

0:14:010:14:04

Sounds risky? Well, that's because it is.

0:14:040:14:06

It's time to meet our judges.

0:14:080:14:10

Kate, what's your thoughts on tonight's joust, love?

0:14:100:14:12

-Oh, I think it's going to be great.

-Yes.

0:14:120:14:16

-Antonio?

-I think it's gonna be rubbish.

0:14:160:14:19

And Jeremy, love?

0:14:210:14:23

I think someone's gonna get hurt real bad.

0:14:230:14:26

Well, let's see. It's a game where anything can happen,

0:14:260:14:30

but only one thing will happen, two players will be seriously injured.

0:14:300:14:34

It's time to recreate...

0:14:340:14:36

Medieval jousting on ice!

0:14:360:14:40

Wow, I think, I think a round of applause for our contestants there,

0:14:590:15:03

ladies and gentlemen.

0:15:030:15:05

Well, that's Medieval jousting for you. He's lost his eye.

0:15:050:15:08

What a sport though, ladies and gentlemen.

0:15:080:15:10

Right, well, Kate, what did you think of that?

0:15:120:15:16

I'm going to give it eight out of ten,

0:15:160:15:19

because I think that's his chances of surviving.

0:15:190:15:22

-Antonio.

-Nine out of ten, magnificent.

0:15:220:15:25

-I wasn't expecting his eye to fly out.

-Mmm.

0:15:250:15:28

I think it landed round here somewhere, you guys.

0:15:280:15:32

Well, there you have it.

0:15:340:15:35

And remember, don't try any ice jousting at home kids,

0:15:350:15:38

unless you're a Medieval peasant or a complete idiot.

0:15:380:15:41

Well, that's all for this week.

0:15:410:15:43

We'll be back next week, but until then it's ta-ta from my panel.

0:15:430:15:46

Say ta-ta panel.

0:15:460:15:48

-ALL: Ta-ta.

-And ta-ta from me.

0:15:480:15:50

Ta-ta. Ta-ta!

0:15:500:15:52

Anyway, peasants pong. Urgh.

0:16:330:16:37

Woeful Second World War.

0:17:020:17:04

In Britain there was a real shortage of lots of stuff because of the war,

0:17:060:17:11

so things like food and clothes had to be rationed.

0:17:110:17:15

Time again for our fairytale series,

0:17:150:17:17

where the stories are retold in different historical settings.

0:17:170:17:21

Today, Cinderella.

0:17:210:17:23

The World War II version.

0:17:230:17:26

And Cinderella was left all alone to clean the house,

0:17:260:17:29

while her ugly sisters went to Prince Charming's Ball

0:17:290:17:33

in beautiful dresses.

0:17:330:17:34

Cinderella was so sad she spoke out loud.

0:17:340:17:38

I wish I was going to the ball in a beautiful dress.

0:17:380:17:42

And suddenly her fairy godmother appeared.

0:17:420:17:45

Cinderella, you have been a good, honest girl your whole life.

0:17:470:17:53

You deserve that dress.

0:17:530:17:55

There was a puff of smoke and when it cleared...

0:17:550:17:58

Sadly, due to World War II rationing,

0:17:590:18:03

there aren't any new dresses, so... you'll just have to make do.

0:18:030:18:07

Please, Fairy Godmother, can't you use your magic?

0:18:070:18:11

And there was another flash of smoke.

0:18:110:18:13

Had the fairy godmother used her magic to make Cinderella a dress?

0:18:130:18:19

No, the house had been hit by a German bomb.

0:18:190:18:22

Still, due to the bombing raid there was a blackout in force,

0:18:220:18:26

so the Ball was cancelled anyway.

0:18:260:18:28

Get sweeping, ugly.

0:18:290:18:31

The end.

0:18:310:18:34

It's true! Women couldn't go around in posh frocks during the war.

0:18:340:18:38

They had to get creative,

0:18:380:18:39

repairing old dresses or making new ones, out of curtains.

0:18:390:18:43

And that's not all, check this out.

0:18:430:18:46

Just because the Second World War's on

0:18:460:18:48

doesn't mean a girl can't have wonderful legs.

0:18:480:18:50

That's why I wear gravy stockings.

0:18:500:18:54

Thanks to the war, imported luxuries are in short supply, but don't worry

0:18:540:18:59

because new gravy stockings look just like the real thing.

0:18:590:19:02

See? You can't even spot the difference!

0:19:020:19:05

Just boil down some old cow bones,

0:19:050:19:08

smear it on your legs, poo, and you too will look good enough to eat.

0:19:080:19:13

Why not use eyeliner to draw a seam down the back?

0:19:130:19:16

And they'll look even more like the real thing.

0:19:160:19:19

And they can last for up to a month, as long as it doesn't rain.

0:19:190:19:23

So look good enough to eat, with new gravy stockings.

0:19:230:19:27

Under no circumstances should gravy stockings be worn

0:19:270:19:30

anywhere near dogs.

0:19:300:19:31

BARKING

0:19:310:19:33

Argh!

0:19:330:19:34

Awful Egyptians.

0:19:360:19:38

Many Ancient Egyptian Pharaohs were buried in huge pyramids.

0:19:400:19:44

Obviously, Pharaohs didn't buy their pyramids off estate agents.

0:19:440:19:48

But imagine what it would have been like if they had.

0:19:500:19:52

And this room you are just going to love, Mighty Pharaoh.

0:19:540:19:57

Very impressive.

0:19:590:20:00

-So basically this is the main living area.

-Mmm hmm.

0:20:000:20:04

For when you're dead. So I suppose it's the non living area.

0:20:040:20:07

-Oh, it's nice.

-Yeah and it's fitted with everything

0:20:070:20:10

you could possibly want in the afterlife.

0:20:100:20:12

There's a luxury coffin, king-size of course, and an en-suite toilet.

0:20:120:20:17

Will I need a toilet?

0:20:170:20:19

They will take out my intestines when they turn me into a mummy.

0:20:190:20:23

Well, all the best pyramids have them.

0:20:230:20:25

Mmm, I suppose. Mmm.

0:20:250:20:26

Now, there aren't any rats in here are there? I can't abide rats.

0:20:260:20:30

I can assure you, Mrs Pharaoh, the only rats in here...

0:20:300:20:34

-are mummified.

-Ah, yeah.

0:20:340:20:35

Well, uh, that'll give something for the cats to chase, won't it?

0:20:350:20:40

-Meow, meow.

-Hmm mmm, yes.

0:20:420:20:46

-Isn't it lovely?

-Hmm? Well, I'm glad you like it,

0:20:470:20:50

after all when I die they'll bury you in here with me, alive.

0:20:500:20:54

-Ooh, you're so romantic.

-Oh.

0:20:550:20:57

Through there there's a servants wing,

0:20:570:20:59

with plenty of room for the staff that'll be slaughtered

0:20:590:21:01

to look after you in the afterlife.

0:21:010:21:03

Including the royal bottom wiper?

0:21:030:21:06

Especially the royal bottom wiper.

0:21:060:21:09

Excellent.

0:21:090:21:11

Just one final question.

0:21:110:21:13

-Yeah, fire away.

-What's crime like in this area?

0:21:130:21:16

I've heard there a few tomb raiders knocking about.

0:21:160:21:19

-Your untold riches are more than safe here, my illustrious Pharaoh.

-Mmm.

0:21:190:21:23

All the entrance passageways are a complex maze

0:21:230:21:26

of dead end corridors, secret sliding keystones and trap doors.

0:21:260:21:31

Nobody is getting in here.

0:21:310:21:33

Ah well, it's just... Yeah. Happy?

0:21:330:21:37

-Mmm.

-OK, we'll take it.

-Yeah. Super. Right this way.

0:21:370:21:42

Uh, no, no. No, I know what I'm doing, huh,

0:21:480:21:50

the secret sliding keystone is here somewhere.

0:21:500:21:54

Oh, oh, or was it the trapdoor, huh?

0:21:540:21:56

Ye, oh, oh, no, no, the ceiling.

0:21:560:21:59

Uh, oh, huh.

0:21:590:22:01

No, obviously pyramids weren't really sold by estate agents,

0:22:030:22:08

but the rest is 100% accu-rat.

0:22:080:22:10

The pyramids were fitted with loads of clever devices

0:22:100:22:13

to stop robbers nicking the treasure. Hmm.

0:22:130:22:16

So do you know what the robbers did?

0:22:160:22:18

They started nicking the treasure

0:22:180:22:20

before it was put in the pyramids in the first place.

0:22:200:22:23

Clever robbers. Hmm.

0:22:240:22:25

The answer is...

0:22:420:22:45

A, he had the head of a baboon.

0:22:450:22:47

The Ancient Egyptians had some really weird looking gods,

0:22:470:22:51

like this lot.

0:22:510:22:53

Greetings, I am Thoth, Egyptian god of wisdom.

0:22:570:23:01

You are Thoth, Egyptian god of looking stupid more like.

0:23:010:23:05

Well, that's rich coming from you, dogface.

0:23:050:23:08

How dare you, bird brain! I am Anubis, Egyptian God of the Dead.

0:23:080:23:13

Look, let's be honest,

0:23:130:23:14

neither of us exactly lucked out in the looks department.

0:23:140:23:17

Yes, true. Having a dog's head is so embarrassing,

0:23:170:23:21

I can't resist sniffing people's bottoms.

0:23:210:23:25

I know just how you guys feel.

0:23:250:23:27

I am Sobek, Egyptian God of the Waterways. I eat rotten flesh.

0:23:270:23:32

Urgh, your breath stinks.

0:23:320:23:35

Why don't you brush your teeth?

0:23:350:23:36

I've got hundreds of them, it would take forever.

0:23:360:23:39

It's tough being an Egyptian god.

0:23:390:23:43

-Sure is.

-Huh, poor us.

0:23:430:23:45

You lot don't know you're born.

0:23:450:23:47

I'm the Devourer.

0:23:470:23:48

I prowl the afterlife, eating the wicked, urgh, and I get saddled

0:23:480:23:53

with the nose of a crocodile, the head of a lion and a hippo's bum.

0:23:530:23:59

Hippo bum, hippo bum.

0:23:590:24:02

-Hippo bum, hippo bum.

-Ha ha.

0:24:020:24:03

Guys, do I need to remind you that my job is to devour the wicked?

0:24:030:24:08

We should probably shut up then.

0:24:080:24:10

That would be wise.

0:24:100:24:12

Well, I am the god of wisdom.

0:24:120:24:15

Urgh.

0:24:150:24:17

Sorry, the wicked give me terrible wind.

0:24:170:24:22

Vile Victorians.

0:24:240:24:26

In Victorian London all the tap water came from the River Thames.

0:24:260:24:30

Unfortunately, all the sewers emptied straight into it as well.

0:24:300:24:35

Imagine that. Ugh.

0:24:350:24:38

Mabel, have you washed your face?

0:24:420:24:44

-Yes.

-No you haven't, now go on, do it properly. Now.

0:24:440:24:49

Yes, Mother.

0:24:490:24:51

There, that's much better. Good girl.

0:24:580:25:01

That's right, tap water came from the Thames,

0:25:040:25:06

which was so full of everyone's poo that it really, really stank.

0:25:060:25:11

Pooey. It was so smelly that the problem was actually discussed here,

0:25:110:25:15

in Parliament.

0:25:150:25:16

I wonder what that meeting was like.

0:25:160:25:19

Morning everyone.

0:25:230:25:25

Morning sir.

0:25:260:25:27

What's this meeting in aid of then?

0:25:290:25:30

You know I hate coming into Parliament.

0:25:300:25:32

Well, we thought it might be time to address the problem of the smell.

0:25:330:25:37

What smell's that then?

0:25:370:25:38

Don't you remember sir, before the clothes pegs?

0:25:380:25:41

Before the clo...

0:25:410:25:43

Oh, yes, I remember now.

0:25:490:25:50

So, where's it coming from?

0:25:500:25:53

Uh, well at first we thought it might be Lawson.

0:25:530:25:55

-Oh, of course.

-But it turns out it's actually coming from the Thames.

0:25:550:26:00

It would seem that if you pump loads and loads of raw sewage into a river

0:26:000:26:06

then, uh, that river begins to smell of raw sewage.

0:26:060:26:10

Don't blind me with science, man,

0:26:100:26:12

just tell me what we're going to do about it.

0:26:120:26:14

Perhaps you'd like to start Mr Lawson.

0:26:140:26:17

Yes, well, the problem is the hot summer, you see,

0:26:170:26:20

the sun is baking all of the sewage in the river

0:26:200:26:23

and it's starting to smell like, well, baked sewage.

0:26:230:26:27

So uh, my suggestion is destroy the sun.

0:26:270:26:29

You're fired, Lawson. Next.

0:26:290:26:31

Um, keep wearing pegs on our noses?

0:26:310:26:35

Excellent. Well, thanks for coming everyone.

0:26:350:26:38

With respect Minister,

0:26:380:26:39

I don't think this is a problem we can just let continue.

0:26:390:26:42

I have heard it suggested that the cholera epidemic is in some way

0:26:420:26:47

-linked to the smell from the Thames.

-In what way?

0:26:470:26:51

Perhaps getting your tap water from a river you're pumping all your

0:26:510:26:55

sewage into is in some way unhealthy.

0:26:550:26:58

Oh, oh, I'd fire you if you weren't so terribly funny.

0:27:060:27:12

No, no, wait, wait a minute.

0:27:120:27:14

I think I've just had an idea.

0:27:140:27:16

Why don't we coat all the curtains in the building in chloride of lime,

0:27:160:27:21

then the fumes would overwhelm the stench from the river.

0:27:210:27:26

Will that solve the problem?

0:27:260:27:28

No, but it'll stop it from bothering us.

0:27:280:27:31

Good enough. Make it happen.

0:27:310:27:34

Finished sir?

0:27:370:27:38

Ah yes, that's better.

0:27:390:27:40

Finally, we're rid of that awful smell of...

0:27:400:27:43

PFRRRRT!

0:27:430:27:44

Best be on the safe side, do Lawson's trousers while you're at it.

0:27:440:27:50

# Tall tales, atrocious acts, we gave you all the fearsome facts

0:27:550:27:58

# Ugly Truth, no glam or glitz We showed you all the juicy bits

0:27:580:28:01

# Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel

0:28:010:28:03

# Stuff they don't teach you at school

0:28:030:28:06

# The past is no longer a mystery

0:28:060:28:09

# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories! #

0:28:090:28:13

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:130:28:16

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS