Browse content similar to Episode 8. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians | 0:00:01 | 0:00:03 | |
# Slimy Stuarts Vile Victorians | 0:00:03 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars Ferocious fights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:05 | |
# Dingy castles Daring knights! | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
# Horrors that defy description | 0:00:07 | 0:00:08 | |
# Cut-throat Celts Awful Egyptians | 0:00:08 | 0:00:09 | |
# Vicious Vikings Cruel crimes | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
# Pirates come from ancient times, | 0:00:11 | 0:00:12 | |
# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless | 0:00:12 | 0:00:13 | |
# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks Brainy sages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:16 | |
# Mean and measly Middle Ages. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories, we do that! | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
# And your host, a talking rat! | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to... | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
# Horrible Histories! # | 0:00:27 | 0:00:32 | |
We Vikings were always invading Saxon Britain and killing people. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:42 | |
In 1016, we even killed the Saxon King of England, | 0:00:42 | 0:00:46 | |
Edmund II, and you're going to love how we did it. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:50 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:00:50 | 0:00:51 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
# They're funny cos they're true | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
# Hope next time it's not you! # | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
-Mm, when you get... -Oh, no, make way woman! | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
I'm sorry can you check me in first, please? | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
-You'll have to wait your turn. Take a seat. -Now that's just it, I can't. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:14 | |
My bottom hurts. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:15 | |
Argh! | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
OK, OK. Right. Name? | 0:01:17 | 0:01:21 | |
-Edmund II. -Year of death? | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
-1016 AD. -Profession? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
King. King of England. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
Mmm! | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
Method of death? | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
Well, I died on the toilet. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
Ooh, excellent. I love a good toilet death story. Go on. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
Well, I say toilet. Our Saxon toilets aren't very sophisticated, | 0:01:38 | 0:01:42 | |
-little more than a pit in the ground. -Nice. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
-Yeah, and unfortunately as I squatted over the toilet... -The pit! | 0:01:44 | 0:01:48 | |
Yeah. Well, it turns out there was a Viking hiding in it, | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
and he stabbed me twice from beneath with a dagger. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:55 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:01:55 | 0:01:59 | |
Right up the bum! | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Hilarious! Ha-ha-ha! | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
Stop Press, Edmund II dies from dagger up the bottom! Ha-ha-ha! | 0:02:03 | 0:02:08 | |
Oh, that is hilarious. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
You're dead funny! Ha-ha-ha! | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
Oh, did you hear...? Ha-ha! | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
Next! | 0:02:18 | 0:02:19 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
# Hope next time it's not you! # | 0:02:21 | 0:02:24 | |
Are you a Viking? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
Want to steal some treasure? | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
Fancy travelling to Britain and killing lots of Saxons? | 0:02:32 | 0:02:37 | |
Then Valhalla Tours is for you. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
Yes, sailing tomorrow, a Valhalla Tour to the British Isles | 0:02:40 | 0:02:44 | |
with a full and exciting schedule. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
Day One, join us as we sail across the North Sea | 0:02:47 | 0:02:51 | |
in a genuine Viking Long Boat. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Day Two, a chance to invade the country. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:57 | |
For the morning we've arranged murder, pillaging and violence | 0:02:57 | 0:03:00 | |
and in the afternoon, more murder, pillaging and violence. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:05 | |
Day Three. Time to relax. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
A chance to clean the blood off your beard. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:12 | |
Day Four. Travel back across the sea, | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
counting all the slaves and riches you've stolen from England. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:19 | |
Viking Valhalla Tours. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
Discover another world, | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
and then set fire to it and kill the people that live there. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:27 | |
Stone Age romance was a funny old business. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
Historians reckon all these rituals | 0:03:35 | 0:03:38 | |
were real Stone Age ways to find love. Ahhh! | 0:03:38 | 0:03:43 | |
# Doh, doh, doh, doh | 0:03:43 | 0:03:49 | |
SHE SINGS | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
# Doh, doh, doh, doh | 0:04:24 | 0:04:28 | |
I think I must look really silly. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
What caveman in his right mind would go for | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
a crawling, circling cave girl like? | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
-Oh, are you the man for me? -# Caveman love. # | 0:04:36 | 0:04:41 | |
Grub's up. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
It's Ready, Steady, Feast and time for our Stone Age Special. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:51 | |
So let's see what our guest has brought along. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
Please welcome, Nug! | 0:04:54 | 0:04:55 | |
-APPLAUSE Nug! -No, no. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
Right, let's see what exciting ingredients | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
-you've brought along for us to cook. -Nug! | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
Oh, look at that, a lovely chunk of free range mammoth. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:07 | |
-Mammoth! -Great choice. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:10 | |
And your second item? Oh, another chunk of mammoth. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:14 | |
-And your...? -Nug! | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
More mammoth. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
-Fourth item? -Mooo? | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
Oh, that's more like it. Some lovely succulent early blueberries. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:25 | |
-And finally? -Nug! | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
Oh, that's a shame. More mammoth. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
Well, I don't suppose you get many vegetarian Stone Age men. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:34 | |
So how are we going to cook this? | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
-No. No! -Let's just eat it raw. -Nug! | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
-Oh, come on now Nug. -Nug. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:41 | |
Oh, berries everywhere. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
Me be back for you, woman. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
No, you won't be back for me, my husband owns the network. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
-APPLAUSE Me be back. -No you won't. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
It's true, in the earliest part of the Stone Age, humans ate meat raw. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:55 | |
That's until they discovered fire, about a million years ago. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:59 | |
About when your Headmaster was born. Ha-ha-ha! | 0:05:59 | 0:06:04 | |
# Doh, doh, doh, doh | 0:06:04 | 0:06:09 | |
# Doh, doh, doh, doh | 0:06:45 | 0:06:48 | |
# Doh, doh, doh, doh | 0:07:11 | 0:07:16 | |
# Doh, doh, doh, doh | 0:07:17 | 0:07:22 | |
Rome, an empire born through fear, | 0:07:33 | 0:07:37 | |
fire, good plumbing and war. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
Julius Caesar, an invincible Roman General | 0:07:40 | 0:07:44 | |
with the greatest Army and nose the world has ever seen. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:48 | |
And the one man who could stand in his way. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
Vercingetorix, | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
leader of the Gaulish hordes. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:56 | |
So deadly he could wear pigtails and still look hard. | 0:07:56 | 0:08:00 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
I will not have this impudent Gaul defy the might of Rome. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:22 | |
We will crush him in his capital city of Avaricum. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:27 | |
Well, you get the idea. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
Is mighty Caesar set for his first ever defeat? | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
The Battle of Avaricum, coming soon. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
The ending might be a bit of a wash-out. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
It's true, 100% accu-rat. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
The Gauls gave up at the Battle of Avaricum, because it started raining. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:10 | |
They thought that a rain storm was a bad sign from the Gods | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
and that the sky was going to fall on their heads. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
Superstitious lot, the Gauls. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
Julius Caesar wasn't the only Roman General who liked to win. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:21 | |
They all did. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
To make sure legions wouldn't panic and run away from a battle, | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
there was a particularly nasty punishment if they did. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:31 | |
Legions, General Pompey. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:35 | |
Legions of Rome! | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
You have fled in the face of the enemy. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
The worst crime an Army can commit. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
You shall be punished! | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
Write out, "I shall not run away from Spartacus," 100 times. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:56 | |
-No, that's not going to be enough this time. -1,000 times. | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
-No. -One million times. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
Look, lines aren't enough. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
We need to do something that will ensure they never run away again. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:10 | |
I suggest... | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
Decimation. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:13 | |
Stay behind after battle every day this week! | 0:10:15 | 0:10:19 | |
That's detention. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
-What's decimation? -It's where every tenth soldier | 0:10:20 | 0:10:25 | |
is beaten to death by his fellow Legionnaires. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
Wow, that sounds pretty strict. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Every tenth man in line shall be killed! | 0:10:30 | 0:10:34 | |
On my order I want... | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
What's going on? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
-Nobody wants to be tenth in line General Pompey. -Right. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:45 | |
We need to find a way of choosing fairly. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:48 | |
I know. Listen up! | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
We will draw lots. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
Each soldier will write his name on a piece of paper. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
The names, General Pompey. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
I shall now draw the name of the first person to be beaten to death. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:07 | |
My Enormous Buttus. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
Where is my Enormous Buttus? GIGGLING | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
It's behind you, General... | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
I don't think that's a real name. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
Me Mamma Stinkus. GIGGLING | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
Does no-one know Me Mamma Stinkus? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
Yes, we all know she does. That's another fake name | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
and, to be honest General Pompey, I think they're all fake. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
Are you saying they haven't put a single real soldier's name in there? | 0:11:35 | 0:11:39 | |
-Well, there is one real name... -Excellent, read that out. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
Er, I don't think they wrote their own names down. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
Stop stalling, General. This has gone long enough already. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:48 | |
Soldiers! | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
The next name you hear will be the first Roman to be beaten to death. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:55 | |
General Pompey! | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
General Pompey there really did kill off one in ten of his troops | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
for fleeing from the enemy. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
It was brutal, but it worked. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
They didn't run away from their next battle. The Romans won. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
In Saxon times, we did some really crazy things | 0:12:22 | 0:12:26 | |
to keep our hair looking beautiful. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
Historical Hair dressers? Hairs and Graces? | 0:12:32 | 0:12:36 | |
Now, Egeth, you're from Saxon times, aren't you? | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
-Yeah. -You've got lovely thick hair. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
-Thanks. -But you know I have to say, | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
most of the Saxon women I'm getting in these days | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
-are wearing it a bit thinner. -Oh, are they? | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
Mm. I mean I think it'd suit yer - especially with your face shape. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:56 | |
-Mm. -And it'd just make it a bit more manageable. -Is it easy to do? | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
Oh, yeah, we've got the very thing. It's a traditional Saxon technique. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:04 | |
-Shelley, get me the powdered swallow. -Swallow? | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
Oh, it's not natural swallow, that'd be ridiculous. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
No, it's powdered Swallow. So what we've done is we've taken a Swallow | 0:13:10 | 0:13:14 | |
and we've burnt it into ashes. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:15 | |
OK? | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
I'll just put that on there, manipulate it into the roots a bit, | 0:13:21 | 0:13:25 | |
and there you go. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:26 | |
So can you, can you see any difference? | 0:13:26 | 0:13:29 | |
Well, I mean your hairs covered in ashes now but, apart from that, no. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:35 | |
Do you know, what I'm gonna do is recommend a Saxon treatment | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
that actually stops the hair from growing. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
Mm, is that possible? | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
-98% effective. Shelley, give me the ant's eggs. -Ant's eggs? | 0:13:45 | 0:13:50 | |
Oh, yeah, they work a treat, trust me. Thank you. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
Right, a few of these, OK, we'll just spread some of these around. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:56 | |
OK, work them through. | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
Lovely. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
So, er, has it worked? | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
-Well, can you feel your hair growing? -No. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:08 | |
But I can feel it moving. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
That'll be the ants. Some of the eggs have hatched. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
SHE SCREAMS What is it? What is it? | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
Shelley, comb! | 0:14:19 | 0:14:21 | |
-What, what is it? -You've got head lice. -Oh! | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
Now the only way to get rid of head lice, Egeth, is to use a specially | 0:14:23 | 0:14:27 | |
designed Saxon comb like this one, and we'll just brush, | 0:14:27 | 0:14:31 | |
brush, get all the lice out. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
There, perfect. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
So, do you really think it suits me? | 0:14:37 | 0:14:41 | |
Oh, yeah. Do you want to look at the back? | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
Shelley, mirror! | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
-What do you think? -Yeah, yeah. -You wanted it thinner. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
-Thanks, Suzanne! -Any time! | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
Yes, Saxons made good use of all sorts of unlikely things, even poo. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:17 | |
THEY ALL LAUGH | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
Happy Christmas, everyone. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
-Happy Christmas. -Christopher? | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
-Ooh! -Happy Christmas. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:25 | |
Thank you. "To Christopher from Mildred and the guys. Thanks, guys." | 0:15:25 | 0:15:32 | |
Hey! Ah, horse poo. Excellent! | 0:15:32 | 0:15:35 | |
I can mix this up with some clay and mould some dinner plates. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:38 | |
It'll be excellent, I need some new ones. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
Thank you so much. Thank you! | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
Here's a little gift for you, Mildred. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
Oh, thank you, you shouldn't have! | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
-Oh! -Oh. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:49 | |
Oh, it's pig poo! Oh, that's excellent. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:54 | |
Thank you so much, John. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:55 | |
I've been meaning to replaster the walls. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
This is the best thing for it! | 0:15:58 | 0:15:59 | |
-Ah. -Jed. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
Ah, thanks. Oh, look at that! | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
Chicken poo! | 0:16:08 | 0:16:09 | |
This is perfect for making leather clothes. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:14 | |
I'll let it go stinky, then put all my cowskins in there | 0:16:14 | 0:16:17 | |
and clean them before tanning. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:18 | |
John? We're not going to leave you out. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
-What's this? -Yeah. -Oh, oh... | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
Oh! Oh! | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
It's perfume, it makes you smell nice. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
Oh, it stinks. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:34 | |
It's all true, 100% accurate. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:39 | |
Hah! Saxons used poo for everything. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
They even got paid in cow poo. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
Huh, I suppose it's better than a "pat" on the back! Ha-ha! | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
"Pat" on the back! Ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
What? | 0:16:51 | 0:16:52 | |
Oh, I've got a poo on my head? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
Oh, not again! | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
This isn't just Stilton - this is Georgian Stilton. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:08 | |
With maggots so thick you'll need a spoon to scoop them up. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:12 | |
This isn't just bread. This is Georgian bread, | 0:17:15 | 0:17:20 | |
mixed with chalk and bone ashes, to make it look healthy and white. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:24 | |
And this isn't just milk. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
This is Georgian milk. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:31 | |
Diluted with dirty water thrown from windows and mixed with spittle, | 0:17:31 | 0:17:36 | |
snot, tobacco, trash, lice and baby sick, | 0:17:36 | 0:17:41 | |
dropped from the rags of the nasty women that sell it. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:45 | |
This is not just food. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:48 | |
This is Georgian food. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
What? Maggot-y cheese is lovely! | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
You should try it sometime. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
Mind you, our bad diet did give us Georgians terrible teeth. | 0:17:57 | 0:18:01 | |
Oh, oh! | 0:18:01 | 0:18:03 | |
You really didn't want tooth problems in Georgian times. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:07 | |
They hadn't invented painkillers, | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
so they used to just strap you to chair to stop you running off. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:13 | |
And you thought your dentist was mean? Hmph! | 0:18:13 | 0:18:17 | |
This won't hurt much, will it? | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
This really is your first visit to a Georgian dentist, isn't it? | 0:18:19 | 0:18:23 | |
Yes. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:24 | |
Don't worry, we've got you strapped in. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
We'll get that rotten tooth out in no time. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:29 | |
Sorry, can I just ask before you take it out? | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
What exactly are you going to replace it with? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:34 | |
Oh, something very Georgian. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
I'll model you a new one from this clay. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
Ah, a pottery tooth. Won't that just break? | 0:18:39 | 0:18:43 | |
Yes, that can sometimes be a problem. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
I could make one out of this walrus tusk. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
-Walrus tusk? -It is a tooth. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
Yeah, I suppose, but won't it stink of fish? | 0:18:50 | 0:18:54 | |
We also make them from hippo. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:55 | |
Yeah, I had my mind on something a little more human. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:59 | |
Not a problem. Got just the thing. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
-Ah? -Ah, that's more like it. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
An actual human tooth. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
Indeed. Pulled from the mouths of dead soldiers at Waterloo. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:10 | |
Oh, oh, stop. I don't want a tooth from somebody that's dead. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:14 | |
Mm, well I do have something I save for my best customers. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:19 | |
And you're in luck. He's just got one tooth left. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:29 | |
Ah! | 0:19:31 | 0:19:33 | |
Do you know what? I'm cured. It's a marvel. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:37 | |
My tooth doesn't hurt any more at all. Thank you. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
Funny, a lot of my clients do that. Hmph! | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
How the first World War all started | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
was really complicated, and I mean complicated. | 0:19:54 | 0:20:00 | |
Read all about it. Britain on brink of war to end all wars. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:04 | |
-We face a most difficult decision. -Oh dear, | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
-Sir. -Yes, now, tea or coffee? -You're right, that is difficult. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:12 | |
-That's not the decision, you fool! -Isn't it, sir? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
We face a more difficult decision than that. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
Gentlemen, we are facing a great war. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:20 | |
-War? -Yes, war. -Why? | 0:20:20 | 0:20:24 | |
Why war? | 0:20:24 | 0:20:25 | |
Because an Austrian has been killed by a Serb in Bosnia, | 0:20:25 | 0:20:28 | |
and that means war. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:29 | |
Ah! I see. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
-Sir? -Yes, Maltravers? | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
Why does an Austrian being killed by a Serb in Bosnia mean war, sir? | 0:20:33 | 0:20:38 | |
Huh, because of Russia! | 0:20:38 | 0:20:39 | |
Ah! Why? | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
Because Russia supports Serbia and Austria supports Bosnia, and so on. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:48 | |
I support Arsenal! | 0:20:48 | 0:20:49 | |
Shut up, Blenkinsop! | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
So an Austrian has been killed by a Serbian in Bosnia, which means | 0:20:51 | 0:20:55 | |
Austria might invade Serbia and then Russia will invade Austria? | 0:20:55 | 0:20:59 | |
-Correct! Any questions? -Yes, sir. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:01 | |
What is it, Maltravers? | 0:21:01 | 0:21:03 | |
How does this involve Britain, sir? | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
Well, Maltravers. Who would you say is your best friend? | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
Oh, Blenkinsop, sir. He's a spiffing fellow! | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
Mm. And if I were to punch Blenkinsop in the nose, | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
what do you think you would do? | 0:21:13 | 0:21:15 | |
Well... | 0:21:15 | 0:21:16 | |
Nobody punches Blenkinsop and gets away with it! | 0:21:16 | 0:21:19 | |
Thanks, old bean! | 0:21:19 | 0:21:20 | |
Exactly, exactly. So, if Russia threatens Austria, | 0:21:20 | 0:21:25 | |
Austria's best friend will offer support. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
And who is Austria's best friend? | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
-Not Blenkinsop? -No, Germany! | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
Germany is Austria's best friend, Maltravers. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:36 | |
Austria and Germany, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! | 0:21:36 | 0:21:41 | |
Yes! | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
So, if Russia were to attack Austria, Germany would attack Russia. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:47 | |
But that will leave Germany undefended on the other side. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:51 | |
So if Germany were to attack Russia, she would also have to attack France. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:55 | |
-France? -Yes, France! | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
And if Germany were to attack France, it would leave Belgium threatened, | 0:21:57 | 0:22:03 | |
and Belgium is our friend. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
So we would hop in there to defend them. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:08 | |
So we've all got to go and fight in a war because of that, sir? | 0:22:08 | 0:22:12 | |
-Yes, Maltravers. -Well, I might get killed sir! | 0:22:12 | 0:22:16 | |
Yes, you might, Maltravers, but it would all be for a good cause. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:20 | |
So where is Bosnia again? | 0:22:20 | 0:22:23 | |
Oh! | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
It was war. And the race to develop the ultimate fighter plane was on. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:31 | |
Here's one of our jolly old World War One fighter pilots. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:35 | |
He's equipped with the very latest fighting equipment. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:39 | |
A good old brick. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:40 | |
That's right, just drop it on the German's head. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:43 | |
Unlucky, just missed him! | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
-But you did hit a dog. -Ah. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:49 | |
Don't worry, it was a German Shepherd! | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
Ay-hey! | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
What's this? The boys at HQ have mounted a machine gun on the plane. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:59 | |
That's a capital idea. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:02 | |
Let's see what Gerry makes of this. | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
Mind the propeller! | 0:23:04 | 0:23:06 | |
Oh, dear. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
Golly! Looks like those brainy boys at HQ have cracked it this time. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:19 | |
The gun is fitted with a timing device so the bullets fire through | 0:23:19 | 0:23:23 | |
the gaps in the turning propeller. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:25 | |
Hold on, what's this? | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
Gerry has captured one of our planes and copied the new design. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:31 | |
Ah, well. Toodle-pip, old boy! | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
If they hit a man, they could split him in half | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
from head to foot. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:07 | |
In the Middle Ages us peasants got so fed up with how unfair life was, | 0:24:14 | 0:24:20 | |
that we had a peasants' revolt, led by a man called Wat Tyler. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:27 | |
Funny name that, Wat Tyler. Must have been really confusing. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:31 | |
But the thing is, the barons own all the land and us peasants | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
have to work it for them. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:35 | |
They lived la-di-da lives, | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
while we spend our days up to our necks in muck. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
-It doesn't seem fair, does it? -No! What can we do about it? | 0:24:39 | 0:24:42 | |
We're going to start a peasants' revolt. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:45 | |
-BOTH: -Yes! | 0:24:45 | 0:24:47 | |
There's a man organising this uprising, name of Wat Tyler. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
-What was his name? -That's right. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:51 | |
-No, what is the name of our leader? -Got it in one. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:55 | |
No, he means if we was to go up to our leader and say, "Hello, | 0:24:55 | 0:24:58 | |
"Mr Leader Man, what should we call you?" What would he say? | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
-He'd say Wat. -That's what I want you to tell us. What's his name? | 0:25:01 | 0:25:05 | |
-Yes, it is. -No. Argh! | 0:25:05 | 0:25:07 | |
Hold on, I think I've got it. What is the last name of our leader? | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
-No, no it's not. -Right, and what is Mr No, no it's not's first name? | 0:25:10 | 0:25:15 | |
Our leader's last name is Tyler. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:19 | |
Thank you. At last. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:21 | |
And Mr Tyler's first name is Wat. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
That's what I asked! I've had enough! | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
Just listen. His first name's Wat, his last name's Tyler, | 0:25:26 | 0:25:30 | |
that's why we call him Wat Tyler. Get it? | 0:25:30 | 0:25:33 | |
Oh, I see! | 0:25:33 | 0:25:34 | |
Well, Wat's a silly name, isn't it, Who? | 0:25:36 | 0:25:39 | |
You're not wrong, When. | 0:25:39 | 0:25:41 | |
Let's go and tell Why and Wherefore. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:43 | |
-Oh, whatever. -Yeah > | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
So, the peasants marched to London | 0:25:46 | 0:25:48 | |
and it was all going really, really, well until Wat Tyler had a meeting | 0:25:48 | 0:25:54 | |
with the King and his guards, | 0:25:54 | 0:25:57 | |
and ended up with his head on a spike. | 0:25:57 | 0:26:00 | |
Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha! | 0:26:00 | 0:26:01 | |
When we peasants revolted, | 0:26:01 | 0:26:04 | |
knights weren't really allowed to fight us. | 0:26:04 | 0:26:07 | |
It was against their code of chivalry, | 0:26:07 | 0:26:09 | |
a strict set of rules for knights. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:12 | |
Knights, ready? Ah! | 0:26:16 | 0:26:19 | |
Peasants, ready? | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
THEY GROWL | 0:26:21 | 0:26:22 | |
Charge! | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
-Ain't you all knights? -Well, of course we are. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:29 | |
The King has despatched us to crush your smelly peasants' revolt. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:33 | |
But you can't just go around killing peasants. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
That's against the, er, knights' code of chivalry. | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
Oh! Is it? | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
Er, oh, the peasant speaks the truth. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:44 | |
Noble knights may not go around fighting dirty peasants. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:49 | |
-It is beneath us. -Oh, drat! Well, what about this one? | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
-I mean, he doesn't look like a peasant. -No, you're right. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:55 | |
-Let's kill him then! -He's a priest! -Ah, er, yes. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:59 | |
We definitely cannot kill priests. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
-The code of chivalry is very clear on that point. -Fine. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
Well, can I just kill this one? | 0:27:04 | 0:27:07 | |
I think that's a woman. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:09 | |
-Really? -We are sworn to defend all women. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
What, even ugly ones that don't wash? | 0:27:12 | 0:27:15 | |
Even the ugly ones that don't wash. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:17 | |
Right, so knights simply cannot fight peasants? | 0:27:17 | 0:27:20 | |
-That's about the size of it, yes. -Right. What if I were a peasant? | 0:27:20 | 0:27:25 | |
A-ha! Well, then you would be able to fight the ones who were peasants. | 0:27:25 | 0:27:30 | |
-Yeah! -I like your thinking, Sir Percival. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:34 | |
From now on I'm known as Percy. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:36 | |
-Percy the peasant! -That's brilliant. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:39 | |
I mean... THICK ACCENT: Brilliant! | 0:27:39 | 0:27:41 | |
Does the knights' code of chivalry let you do that? | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
Who cares? | 0:27:43 | 0:27:46 | |
Peasants, ready? | 0:27:46 | 0:27:47 | |
THEY ALL GROWL Charge! | 0:27:47 | 0:27:49 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
# Tall tales, atrocious acts | 0:27:54 | 0:27:55 | |
# We gave you all the fearsome facts | 0:27:55 | 0:27:57 | |
# The ugly truth, no glam or glitz | 0:27:57 | 0:27:58 | |
# We showed you all the juicy bits! | 0:27:58 | 0:27:59 | |
# Gory, ghastly mean and cruel | 0:27:59 | 0:28:02 | |
# Stuff they don't teach you at school | 0:28:02 | 0:28:05 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery... # | 0:28:05 | 0:28:07 |