Episode 1 Horrible Histories


Episode 1

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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians

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# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

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# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights

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# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

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# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times

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# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless

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# Cavemen, savage fierce and toothless

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# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages

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# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat

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# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...

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# Horrible Histories. #

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You might think going to a Roman Emperor's dinner party would be fun.

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Well, think again.

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Four Romans. Four banquets.

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400 courses!

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Yes, it's Roman Come Dine With Me

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and tonight it's teenage emperor Elagabalus's turn

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to cook for his guests.

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But the young emperor's reputation has some of his guests nervous

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before they even arrive.

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I'm a bit scared to be honest.

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Apparently Elagabalus is a bit crazy.

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A friend of mine was invited to one of his feasts

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and he made them eat live parrots.

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Imagine trying to swallow all those feathers!

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It'd make you sick as a parrot.

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So how is the potty prankster

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planning to impress his guests tonight?

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Well, tonight I thought I'd just do something really easy.

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It's easy because I'm not making it, my slaves are.

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HE LAUGHS

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What are you cooking?

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Well, I'm going to do camels feet with scooped out flamingo brain

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and, er, some nice stuffed snails.

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-Oh.

-Then we've got

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the sows udders,

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the jellyfish, I'm going to do

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dormouse which is rolled in...

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..Jackdaws, horsemeat sausages,

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and rotten fish guts,

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and cold peas! With little nuggets of gold.

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That sounds like a really nice starter, what's the main?

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Agrippina is the first to arrive and there's a shock in store.

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SHE SCREAMS

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-HE LAUGHS

-Don't tread in those.

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-Those are the guts of some people I had sacrificed earlier.

-Urgh!

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They're to tell the future.

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And the guts say...

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my pudding is going to be so scrummy you won't literally believe it.

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Elagabalus goes to check on the food,

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while the rest of his guests have a snoop round the palace.

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I wonder what's in here.

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No, no, no, please don't go in there.

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Come on, it can't be that bad.

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-ARGH!

-Lion!

-There's a lion in here!

-Argh!

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HE CHUCKLES

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I hid a lion in there. Ha-ha!

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Random.

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The guests who survived the lion join their host for dinner.

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Tuck in.

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CRUNCHING OF TEETH Argh!

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That's rock hard.

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That's because it is rock.

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I gave you both bits of wax and stone

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that are made to look like food

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while I get the real food which is actually really nice.

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Mmm.

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How mad am I?

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How mad am I?

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Eat it.

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CRUNCHING TEETH

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HE CHUCKLES

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Time for some scores.

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Well, I slipped on human guts,

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I was attacked by a lion and I was forced to eat rocks.

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So I'm going to give him a two out of...

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If you give me a bad score I'll have you executed, so...

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..So I'm going to give him X out of X.

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Sweet!

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-And I got you a doggy bag because I'm so generous.

-Thank you.

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It's an actual dead dog!

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HE LAUGHS

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I'm so random.

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Stay in touch, yeah?

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That's 100% accu-rat.

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Elagabalus really was one extreme prankster.

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I mean, hiding lions around the house,

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what's wrong with good old itching powder and whoopee cushions?

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SOMEONE BLOWS A RASPBERRY That wasn't me!

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That was Marcus my pet flea.

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He's like an all in one itching powder and whoopee cushion.

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MARCUS BLOWS A RASPBERRY Oh, Marcus! I do apologise.

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Walsingham? What happened to you?

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The Queen threw a slipper at me...again!

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What did you do this time?

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I told her she had a short temper.

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You idiot! You know that makes her angry.

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I know. Have you finished her portrait yet?

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Mmm...it's getting there, but I'm petrified.

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What if she doesn't like it?

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Better hope she's in a good mood.

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-Is she ever?

-No.

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Where's my portrait!

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Urgh!

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Oh, I can't look!

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It's grotesque.

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The hideous nose, rotten teeth and pock-marked skin.

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Walsingham.

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Have that man relieved of the burden of his head.

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-Ma'am, you're looking into a mirror.

-Oh.

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This is the portrait.

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Ah!

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Petite nose,

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perfect teeth,

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porcelain skin...

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Why, however did you manage to capture my good looks?

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Well, my lady,

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I just did an exact copy of the only portrait you've ever liked.

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As per your orders.

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Splendid. Do me another.

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And see if you can capture my regal beauty again.

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I think it looks nothing like her.

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I heard that! >

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As well as art, Queen Elizabeth loved plays by Shakespeare,

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especially one called Titus Andronicus...

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The pie was made out of her two sons!

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Yes, Shakespeare wrote some truly unforgettable things.

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May we have our next contestant please?

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Hello.

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Your name please?

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William Shakespeare.

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Your occupation?

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One that doth make words to dance upon the page

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and thence into the ear of the throng.

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I'm sorry, I don't quite...

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I write plays.

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Right, well why didn't you just say so?

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And your chosen specialised subject.

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Phrases what I made up.

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William Shakespeare, you have two minutes on phrases what you made up

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starting from...now.

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To be or not to be, that is the question.

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-I know it is.

-I'm sorry?

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I know that's the question, you just asked me it.

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No, the questions is did you make it up?

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You just said the question was to be or not to be.

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To be or not to be, that is the question,

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IS the question.

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Oh, yes I see, yes I did make that up.

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Correct. Good riddance.

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I've only just arrived.

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No, did you invent the phrase, good riddance?

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-Yes, I did.

-Correct

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-Heart of gold.

-Oh, thank you, that's very flattering.

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No...

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Were you the first person to use the phrase, heart of gold?

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-Yes, I was.

-Correct.

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Dead as a door-nail.

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Oh yes, that is one of mine. Henry VI, part 2, the sequel!

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Correct. Wild goose chase.

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Yes, that's mine. Are they still using that?

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They are indeed. Correct.

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Knock, knock, who's there?

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No, that's wrong - you say "Knock, knock," then I say, "Who's there?"

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No, did you invent it?

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-What?

-Knock, knock.

-Who's there?

-NO!

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NO...who?

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Did you come up with the phrase, knock, knock, who's there?

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-Yes, I did.

-Correct.

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For goodness sake.

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-That's one of mine too.

-Correct.

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All the world's a...

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END OF ROUND JINGLE

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I've started so I'll finish...

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-No, that's one of yours.

-Correct.

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William Shakespeare,

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at the end of that round you have scored eight points.

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Sorry, is this what you do for entertainment nowadays?

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Yes it is, yes.

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-Think I preferred the theatre.

-Hmm...

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"Think I preferred the theatre."

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-Get out of the chair now.

-OK.

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'And now on HHTV an advertising intermission from ancient Peru.'

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SHOUTING: Hi, I'm a shouty man

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and I'm here to tell you about new Incan Hole.

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The incredible childcare revolution.

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New Incan Hole is the simple way to keep your troublesome tots in check.

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Just chuck in your child

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and let those steep sides do all the hard work.

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Yes, compared with level ground,

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the unique raised edges of new Incan Hole are up to a big percent better

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at keeping little ones out of trouble

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What's more, it's quick and easy to install.

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And it's cheaper than a babysitter.

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And with the bargain price of nothing at all,

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why stop at just one Incan Hole?

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With the unique dig-anywhere design,

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you can take your hole wherever you go.

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And if you're not completely satisfied with new Incan Hole,

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why not dig another one?

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Try new Incan Hole today.

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Dig a hole and the child is safe.

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Warning, Incan Hole may become Incan paddling pool during rainy season.

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If you think keeping your kids in a hole is weird,

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check out what we use to wash our hair.

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Do you suffer from a dry flaky scalp?

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Is your hair greasy?

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Does your head smell like a dead rotting llama?

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Then you need new Incan Shampee.

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Yes, Shampee is a revolutionary new anti-dandruff hair wash.

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Simply pee in a bucket and leave it to ferment for a week.

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Then just wash your hair in the piddle pot.

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The all-natural formula gets to work straight away.

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Here's the sciencey bit.

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Your pee contains urea,

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a chemical that kills bacteria,

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fights dandruff and cleans away grease

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leaving you with shinier, healthier looking hair.

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Incan Shampee - it's what all the Incan ladies are using.

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I love it.

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Available in all full bladders.

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Bucket not included.

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So, welcome to Badminton House.

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I thought we'd take tea here in the gallery.

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Home to our fine collection of...

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Home to our fine collection of art.

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CRASH!

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Home to what WAS our fine collection of art

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and also sadly home to my husband, the Duke of Beaufort,

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-a keen tennis player.

-Hello.

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Darling, can you please not play tennis in the gallery.

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Of course, dear.

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What would you like me to play? Football?

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CRASH!

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-Darling!

-All right, rugby?

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WINDOW SMASHES

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-Darling!

-Touch of boxing?

-No!

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There must be a sport you can play indoors without smashing things up.

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-Well, there's always poona.

-Poona? Sounds even messier.

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Oh, no, I've just come back from India and poona is a game they play.

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Like tennis, but with a shuttlecock

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and it's perfectly safe to play indoors, go on try.

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Ah, poona it is then.

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Anyone for poona?

0:11:200:11:21

Oh darling, do stop saying poona.

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Can't we think of a less smelly name?

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Yes, what can we call this game we play here in Badminton House?

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I know, something that would link it ever more to Badminton House.

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Badminton House?

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I've got it.

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We can call it house.

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Or badminton.

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Ha, ha what a ridiculous suggestion!

0:11:410:11:43

Who's ever heard of a game called badminton?

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Honestly.

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A-choo!

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SMASH!

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Oh, darling.

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Excuse me.

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Great eccentrics of the Victorian era, the second Baron Rothschild.

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Yes, apparently the 8th Earl of Bridgwater used to have

0:12:000:12:04

dinner parties with his pet dogs.

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The man was out of his mind, Mr Gibbons.

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Oo-oo-oo-ah-ah-ah!

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I'll take that as a yes. One shouldn't really judge,

0:12:110:12:15

I have some strange dinner guests myself.

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Of course the vicar hasn't arrived yet.

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-TOGETHER:

-Oo-oo-ah-ah!

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Don't worry he won't stay long.

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He doesn't like the snakes wrapped round the banisters.

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Tsssss!

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All right, let's start I'm starving.

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Oo-oo-oo-oo! >

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Yes, the soup is hot.

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Mr Chimpington could you pass me a roll?

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Mr Chimpington, that is not how we pass... Oh!

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And I very much hope that was one of cook's brownies.

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Really now, we're not animals.

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-TOGETHER:

-Oo-ah! Ah! Ah!

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That's all true.

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The second Baron Rothschild had dinner parties with monkeys

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and snakes and wrapped around his banisters.

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He also had a carriage drawn by - wait for it - zebras.

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He did, look it up in a history book, it's all there in black and white.

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And black-and-white, and black-and-white...

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Ha, ha, ha!

0:13:090:13:10

Some Victorians really were very eccentric.

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# Stupid deaths

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# Stupid deaths

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# They're funny cos they're true Woo!

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# Stupid deaths Stupid deaths

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# Hope next time it's not you. #

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Don't like them? Why not?

0:13:260:13:28

Next.

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And you are?

0:13:290:13:31

Bobby Leach, famous Victorian daredevil and stuntman.

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Oh, I love it when stuntmen come through.

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They always have the most stupid deaths.

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Go on, spill the beans.

0:13:400:13:42

I was fearless, there was nothing I wouldn't do.

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So I decided to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel.

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And you died! You idiot! Ha ha ha!

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No, no, I survived.

0:13:520:13:53

I had a few injuries but I made a full recovery.

0:13:530:13:56

Uh. That's a shame.

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So then swam the rapids at the Niagara whirlpool.

0:13:580:14:01

And then you died! I bet you did. You did, didn't you? I bet you did.

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No, no, I had to get rescued.

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So I tried it again.

0:14:080:14:09

-And then you drowned!

-No, I was rescued again.

0:14:090:14:12

-And I got rescued a third time.

-Business it's ridiculous.

0:14:120:14:16

So I toured the world displaying my barrel to the paying crowd.

0:14:160:14:21

I ended up in New Zealand. And that's where I died.

0:14:210:14:24

By swimming over a waterfall blindfolded?

0:14:240:14:28

No, I slipped on an orange peel, broke my leg and died of gangrene.

0:14:280:14:32

Ha, ha! By slipping on an orange peel!

0:14:320:14:35

You lemon! Ha ha, ha ha!

0:14:350:14:38

Oh, yes, that's three yeses. You're through to the afterlife.

0:14:380:14:44

Thank you very much.

0:14:440:14:45

Toodle pip!

0:14:450:14:47

Hey, mind how you go.

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Ha! Sorry!

0:14:510:14:53

Ha ha ha. I'm on form, aren't I?

0:14:530:14:56

# Stupid deaths Stupid deaths

0:14:560:14:59

# Hope next time it's not you, Oo-hoo. #

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Everyone knows Guy Fawkes tried to blow up Parliament on November 5th.

0:15:070:15:12

Did you know that he was one member of a bigger gang?

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In fact there were 13 of them all together.

0:15:150:15:18

Come on, folks.

0:15:180:15:19

You couldn't have done this alone.

0:15:200:15:23

Who was in your gang?

0:15:230:15:25

I'll never tell you.

0:15:250:15:27

Oh, we'll see about that. Hee-hee-ha-ha!

0:15:270:15:30

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:15:300:15:32

-What?

-What?

0:15:320:15:33

No, you don't laugh, I laugh.

0:15:330:15:35

It was the plot that seemed unthinkable.

0:15:360:15:40

Fawkes is the explosives expert.

0:15:400:15:42

We're going to blow up the royal family at the Opening of Parliament?

0:15:420:15:46

That's right.

0:15:460:15:47

Just for fun?

0:15:470:15:49

John Wright is the persuader.

0:15:490:15:51

Because we're Catholics and the King's hates Catholics.

0:15:510:15:54

-He thinks we're always plotting something.

-As if!

0:15:540:15:58

BOTH: Ha-ha, ha-ha!

0:15:580:15:59

It was the plot that sounded impossible.

0:15:590:16:02

Robert Gatesby is the brains.

0:16:020:16:05

So we roll 36 barrels of gunpowder down the Thames,

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sneak it into this cellar, wait for Parliament to open -

0:16:080:16:12

I creep back in, light the fuse, run away and blow up the King?

0:16:120:16:16

-Without getting caught?

-Yes.

0:16:160:16:18

OK. Just checking I had that down right.

0:16:180:16:22

It was the plot that would surely go wrong.

0:16:220:16:25

So I persuaded 12 guys, that ought to do it, don't you think?

0:16:250:16:28

-Do you think we need one more?

-It couldn't hurt.

0:16:280:16:31

I'll get one more. Um...

0:16:310:16:33

-Excuse me? Would you like to be in a plot to blow up Parliament?

-Why not.

0:16:330:16:38

I'll just check my diary. When?

0:16:380:16:40

November 5th.

0:16:400:16:41

-Yeah, I'm free.

-Fabulous, that's 13 then.

0:16:420:16:45

Isn't 13 an unlucky number?

0:16:450:16:47

Don't worry I'm sure it'll be fine.

0:16:470:16:50

Francis Tresham is the idiot.

0:16:500:16:52

Hang on, my brother-in-law's due in Parliament on November 5th.

0:16:520:16:56

I'll send him a letter telling him to take the day off.

0:16:560:16:59

I'm sure he won't tell anyone.

0:16:590:17:01

It was the plot.

0:17:010:17:02

Three, two, one...

0:17:020:17:05

That went wrong.

0:17:050:17:07

-Oh.

-Horribly, horribly wrong.

0:17:070:17:09

Fawkes' 13.

0:17:090:17:12

What letter? What idiot sent a letter?

0:17:120:17:16

Failing to explode on 5th November, 1605.

0:17:180:17:22

You're going to be hung drawn and quartered.

0:17:220:17:25

-Gutted.

-You will be.

0:17:250:17:26

The answer is C.

0:17:450:17:48

The bodies were preserved in tar and sent to the West of England

0:17:480:17:51

as a warning to other would-be rebels.

0:17:510:17:54

Stuart punishments could be really gruesome.

0:17:540:17:56

Will?

0:17:570:17:59

Will Prinn.

0:17:590:18:00

What happened to you?

0:18:000:18:01

Sorry? King Charles I had my ears cut off for insulting the theatre.

0:18:010:18:06

-Pardon?

-What?

0:18:060:18:08

I can't hear you, I had my ears cut off

0:18:080:18:10

for writing a book that upset the government.

0:18:100:18:14

-I'm sorry, what?

-I'm sorry?

0:18:140:18:16

I said the king had my ears cut off

0:18:160:18:21

and when I was rude about some bishops he had my cheek branded.

0:18:210:18:26

-Ah, that looks nasty how did you get that?

-Pardon.

-Sorry?

-What?

0:18:260:18:30

Listen, I can't hear you.

0:18:300:18:33

I had my ears nailed to a piece of wood, then cut off and left there.

0:18:330:18:37

-Pardon?

-Pardon?

0:18:370:18:39

Come again?

0:18:390:18:40

For writing a book the government didn't like.

0:18:400:18:43

I'll show you, you can still see one over there.

0:18:430:18:46

Look, there's an ear nailed to a post.

0:18:460:18:48

-I wonder how it got there.

-I'm sorry?

-An ear.

-What?

0:18:480:18:52

Hold on, I've got an idea.

0:18:520:18:54

Can you hear me now?

0:18:540:18:56

It's no good talking to him he's as deaf as a post.

0:18:560:19:00

Sorry?

0:19:000:19:01

I made a joke.

0:19:010:19:03

Pardon?

0:19:030:19:05

I'm sorry.

0:19:050:19:07

What?

0:19:070:19:08

Come again?

0:19:080:19:09

Strange man.

0:19:120:19:13

Weirdo.

0:19:130:19:15

While the regular Army was away in Europe fighting Hitler

0:19:200:19:24

Britain had a Home Guard made up of all the men who had to stay at home

0:19:240:19:28

but still wanted to do their bit.

0:19:280:19:31

Although the whole thing was a bit makeshift.

0:19:310:19:34

So, General.

0:19:340:19:36

If we are to defend Britain against a German invasion, then every man

0:19:360:19:41

in the Home Guard must be armed.

0:19:410:19:43

But the regular Army need all our guns.

0:19:430:19:46

All the same, every man in the Home Guard

0:19:460:19:48

must be armed was some kind of weapon.

0:19:480:19:51

Even if it be an ancient one, like a pike.

0:19:510:19:55

Yes, sir. Very good, sir.

0:19:550:19:57

There we are, sir.

0:20:010:20:02

I've had 250,000 pikes made.

0:20:020:20:04

You've done what?

0:20:040:20:06

General, I said like a pike,

0:20:060:20:08

-I didn't literally mean a pike, pike was just an example.

-Oh.

0:20:080:20:13

Honestly, if I told you to go and jump off a cliff, would you?

0:20:130:20:17

He's gone to jump off a cliff.

0:20:170:20:20

Your chance to protect Britain by joining the Home Guard.

0:20:230:20:27

Choose from men who can't join the regular armed forces.

0:20:290:20:33

70-year-old man.

0:20:330:20:34

Baker needed at home to bake bread.

0:20:340:20:37

Man who's lost some toes.

0:20:370:20:39

Baker selected.

0:20:390:20:42

All the proper weapons have been taken by the regulars.

0:20:430:20:46

So you choose from what's left.

0:20:460:20:48

Cutlass, golf club, blunderbuss, a kitchen knife taped to a pole.

0:20:480:20:53

Blunderbuss selected.

0:20:530:20:55

Watch out for enemy troops trying to invade.

0:20:580:21:01

Ow! Oi, you nincompoop! I'm not the enemy, I'm British.

0:21:010:21:07

Watch out for spies.

0:21:070:21:09

Trust no one.

0:21:090:21:11

What on earth are you doing?

0:21:110:21:13

I am a real nun.

0:21:130:21:15

-And do be careful you don't shoot yourself with your old weapon.

-Ow.

0:21:150:21:20

Yes, the Home Guard never shot a German

0:21:220:21:25

because the Germans never invaded.

0:21:250:21:28

Operation Defend Britain - join the Home Guard.

0:21:280:21:31

Players should be 17 or over or lie about their age.

0:21:310:21:34

That's 100% acc-u-rat.

0:21:340:21:37

And despite the Germans never invaded Britain

0:21:370:21:40

lots of Home Guard volunteers were injured.

0:21:400:21:42

All the injuries you're about to see are genuine.

0:21:420:21:45

Taken from the Durham Home Guard accident book.

0:21:450:21:49

No, really.

0:21:490:21:50

Attention!

0:21:500:21:51

Durham Home Guard prepare for roll-call.

0:21:510:21:54

Volunteer Birtwistle.

0:21:540:21:56

-Preset, Sir.

-Excellent.

0:21:560:21:58

Volunteer Davidson.

0:21:580:22:00

No Davidson?

0:22:000:22:01

He's in hospital sir, he got shot in the arm.

0:22:010:22:04

-By the enemy?

-No, sir, by a volunteer.

-Right.

0:22:040:22:07

Volunteer Frazier.

0:22:070:22:09

-Injured, shot in the leg, sir.

-By a volunteer?

0:22:090:22:12

No, sir, by himself. His gun went off by mistake.

0:22:120:22:15

-Jenkins?

-Got knocked off a bike by a dog.

0:22:150:22:17

Simpson?

0:22:170:22:19

Injured in gym practice - tripped over a mat, smashed his face.

0:22:190:22:22

-Skellen?

-Fractured ankle, sir.

0:22:220:22:24

At the same gym practice?

0:22:240:22:26

No, a table collapsed in a lecture.

0:22:260:22:29

How's the Home Guard supposed to defend Britain

0:22:290:22:32

from an attack from if we're all injured. Extraordinary.

0:22:320:22:35

Sorry I'm late.

0:22:370:22:38

Volunteer Tomkins reporting for duty, sir.

0:22:380:22:41

Good heavens, what on earth have you done to yourself man?

0:22:410:22:45

I sliced the top of my finger off adjusting the helmet chin strap.

0:22:450:22:50

Right, well, it is a good job

0:22:500:22:51

that today I shall be giving you all a demonstration on first aid.

0:22:510:22:56

BOTH: Yes.

0:22:560:22:57

So, I need a volunteer... Birtwistle.

0:22:570:23:00

-Ya!

-Lie on the floor, good chap.

0:23:000:23:02

Oh! Ow!

0:23:030:23:05

-Good heavens, man, what have you done?

-Nothing to worry about.

0:23:050:23:09

It's just a massive splinter.

0:23:090:23:11

Right, hang on there I'll help you. Let's look... oh!

0:23:110:23:14

Oh no!

0:23:150:23:17

I think I've severed a tendon in my back. It's gone.

0:23:170:23:20

-Don't just stand there - phone an ambulance.

-Right away.

0:23:200:23:24

-I think it's through to the bone.

-Don't panic. Here we go.

0:23:240:23:28

Ow! Ooh! My finger.

0:23:280:23:29

-I definitely think I need some kind of doc.

-Lend us a hand sir.

0:23:290:23:33

Tomkins... Ah!

0:23:330:23:34

-Argh! Now my foot's stuck.

-Tomkins! My back's gone.

0:23:340:23:38

When we sailed to new lands

0:23:450:23:47

we Vikings had some pretty cunning ways of navigating.

0:23:470:23:51

Come on. We must be close to land.

0:23:540:23:57

What are you doing?

0:23:570:23:59

What? Nothing.

0:23:590:24:00

Are we lost?

0:24:010:24:02

Don't be silly.

0:24:020:24:04

You're supposed to be navigating.

0:24:040:24:06

The captain'll feed your arms to the sharks...

0:24:060:24:09

We're not lost, all right.

0:24:090:24:11

That's the sea and that's the sky and we're inbetween them.

0:24:110:24:14

On the sea and underneath the sky - exactly where I thought we'd be.

0:24:140:24:18

Look at me.

0:24:180:24:20

Are we lost?

0:24:200:24:21

Yes.

0:24:220:24:23

Right. Thought so.

0:24:230:24:25

Good thing I brought this then, isn't it?

0:24:250:24:28

What's in there?

0:24:280:24:29

A raven.

0:24:290:24:30

We're in the middle of the sea what use is a bird?

0:24:300:24:33

It's the latest Viking trick. This raven's hungry.

0:24:330:24:37

When I let it out of the box it'll soar up into the sky

0:24:370:24:40

and it'll fly towards land looking for food.

0:24:400:24:43

All we have to do is follow.

0:24:430:24:45

Sat Rav. Wow!

0:24:450:24:47

What a good idea. We'll find land in no time.

0:24:470:24:50

-Ready?

-Yeah.

0:24:500:24:51

Fly raven, fly.

0:24:530:24:55

I think it's a bit too hungry.

0:24:590:25:01

I probably should have fed it something.

0:25:010:25:03

It's true, Vikings really did sometimes use ravens to find land.

0:25:050:25:10

But at night they navigated by the stars.

0:25:100:25:12

Take a left to Britney Spears and a right after Angelina Jolie.

0:25:120:25:17

# Was the summer of 793

0:25:230:25:26

# When we sailed across The Great North Sea

0:25:260:25:30

# Comets crossed The skies that night

0:25:300:25:33

# Must've known Something wasn't right

0:25:330:25:36

# We arrived upon your English shore

0:25:360:25:39

# And you offered friendship But we wanted more

0:25:390:25:42

# Yeah, so much more

0:25:440:25:48

# We're tearing up This place tonight

0:25:480:25:51

# Literally

0:25:510:25:53

# We're going to set This sleepy town alight

0:25:540:25:58

# Literally

0:25:580:25:59

# We'll kill and steal and burn and drink

0:26:000:26:03

# Cos us Vikings don't care what you think

0:26:030:26:10

# Woah-woah-woah!

0:26:100:26:12

# Let me in now, won't you please?

0:26:130:26:16

# We're here to raid your monasteries

0:26:160:26:19

# We're primed and ready to attack

0:26:190:26:22

# And we love how monks just don't fight back

0:26:220:26:25

# You'll die or become a slave to me

0:26:250:26:29

# Though our slaves often get chucked in the sea

0:26:290:26:32

# If the boat's heavy, yeah-yeah!

0:26:340:26:38

# You're going to lose your head, my friend

0:26:380:26:41

# Literally

0:26:410:26:43

# We're going to get you in the end

0:26:440:26:47

# Literally

0:26:470:26:49

# And I would drink a toast from your skull

0:26:500:26:53

# Cos we are Vikings and that's how we roll, woah-woah-woah

0:26:530:27:01

# Baby, that's right!

0:27:010:27:03

# We're going to paint the whole town red

0:27:090:27:12

# Literally

0:27:120:27:14

# With the blood of the dead

0:27:160:27:19

# Literally

0:27:190:27:20

# We'll take everything that you own

0:27:210:27:25

# And get back on our ship and go back home

0:27:250:27:31

# Woah-woah-woah!

0:27:310:27:33

# We're going home

0:27:330:27:36

# Woah-woah-woah!

0:27:360:27:39

# We're going home

0:27:390:27:42

# We are going home

0:27:450:27:47

# We are going home. #

0:27:510:27:54

# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you the fearsome facts... #

0:27:540:27:57

Want to travel through the time sewers with me?

0:27:570:28:00

Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures.

0:28:000:28:03

Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.

0:28:030:28:07

# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories! #

0:28:070:28:12

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