Episode 2 Horrible Histories


Episode 2

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# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians

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# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

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# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights

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# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

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# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times

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# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless

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# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless

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# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages

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# Gory stories, we do that

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# And your host, a talking rat

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# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...

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# Horrible Histories. #

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Us pirates stole anything thought valuable.

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Gold coins, jewellery, silk cloth, medicines, maps, sugar.

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That's right, sugar!

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But in 1713, one pirate stole something

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even more unusual that that.

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Ha, ha, ha!

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Swab the deck! This time I've excelled myself, Fisher.

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I mean, other pirates have got it all wrong.

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Why risk life and limb attacking ships on the high seas...

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..When you can just steal a herd of cows from a field on dry land?

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COW MOOS

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Captain Basil Hood, pirate extraordinaire!

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Go and check on the cows, will you?

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-Aye-aye, Captain.

-We'll sell these cows for huge profit.

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This is, quite simply, my best plan ever.

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The cows seem to be a bit seasick, sir.

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Seasick?!

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Yep, there's a lot of spewing going on down there.

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I've got vomit on the walls, vomit on the ceiling...

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-Got some vomit on me.

-HE GAGS

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And the stench is...

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Oh, no! HE VOMITS

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-Well, go clean it up, man!

-Aye-aye, Captain!

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OK, maybe this wasn't my best plan ever.

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It's no good sir, there's just too much of it.

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HE GAGS

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It's like an erupting volcano of vomit down there.

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I can't take this much...longer.

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What are we going to do?

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Over there, sir! On the horizon - the Navy!

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If they see us, they'll arrest us!

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BOTH: Over here! We're over here!

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Pirate Basil Hood, I'm arresting you for being a pirate.

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Do you surrender to the English Navy?

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I do, I do, thank you very much.

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Now, please can you take us on your nice, clean ship?

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-COW MOOS

-What was that?

-Nothing!

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Just ignore it. We'll board your ship now and surrender at once, come on.

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Stop! I definitely heard something.

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-That was Fisher's stomach, wasn't it, Fisher?

-Oh, er... Moo, er...

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That smell! What's that terrible, awful smell?

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-It's...

-MUFFLED MOOING

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My word! There's cattle down here!

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And they're puking and spewing and spewing and puking!

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-HE GAGS

-Oh!

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HE VOMITS

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This ship is disgusting! We're leaving.

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And you, Hood, you're free to go. Take your vomit ship with you.

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No! No, please don't leave. Please!

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Abandon ship!

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Oh!

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Next time, let's just stick to stealing treasure.

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THEY VOMIT

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Oh! All those puking cows are making me feel quite sick.

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HE GAGS

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But it doesn't matter how sick I feel.

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I'm still not going to go and see a pirate doctor.

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Ooh, you poor thing. That looks nasty.

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I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

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I'll see if there's a doctor.

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ARR! Morning, nurse!

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Morning. And you are?

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One-eyed Ned, pirate extraordinaire. I've got my chest here,

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full of the finest pirate medicines. Arr. Sea water,

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Hemlock!

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-That's poisonous, isn't it?

-Only if I don't read the instructions,

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which I probably won't, cos they're in Latin,

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and I can't read anyway. Arr.

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Right, let's have a look at you, me young swabbie. Arr.

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Touch of scurvy, eh?

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Arr, well, there's not much a bit of blood-letting won't cure!

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Removes all the toxins, so it does.

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But I've just got a cut on my leg!

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Argh! Why didn't you say so?

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Oh, we'll have it off in no time.

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-Off?!

-Yeah.

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You don't want a rotten leg aboard a ship, do ya?

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But it's only a little cut!

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Well, better safe than sorry. Trust me, I'm a carpenter.

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A carpenter? I thought you said you were a doctor.

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We had a doctor, but he died! He mostly just sawed off limbs anyway.

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And I'm the ship's carpenter, so I know me ways about a saw.

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Say "arr".

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Argh!

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Arr! Ah-ha-arr!

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-Argh!

-You're a chatty one, ain't ya?

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Isn't there anything to ease the pain, any anaesthetic?

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-I never heard of 'em.

-Ooh, rum, maybe?

-Don't mind if I do!

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Not so fast, laddie! Better see if he survives first.

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No good wasting good rum on the dead.

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Nurse, the leg.

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Almost finished.

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All we've got to do now is seal the wound.

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-With stitches and a clean dressing?

-NO!

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With a load of hot tar.

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-Arr.

-Argh!

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Oh!

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Oh! Good thinking, Nurse!

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Arr-ha-harr!

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Here's your new leg.

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Arr.

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Hello and welcome to World War II Art Show.

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Today, we're joined by General Peregrine Thorogood

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from the British Army.

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Carry on.

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Right. I was going to, so...

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This week, we're going to be making models of Allied tanks,

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the kind that Peregrine here actually used during the Second World War.

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In fact, here's one I made earlier.

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Gosh.

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Ours were just like this, except bigger.

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-And not made of cardboard, obviously!

-No, no, ours were made of cardboard.

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Sorry?

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Yes, yes. Cardboard, rubber, bits of wood. All sorts of things.

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Why on earth would you make tanks out of cardboard and rubber and things?

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I thought you might ask me that.

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Allow me to introduce my top military advisor,

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the amazing Jasper Maskelyne!

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Jasper Maskelyne, master of illusion, at your service.

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Mister Maskelyne was the Army's official magician.

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Why on Earth did the Army need a magician?

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Who better to fool the Germans than a master of illusion?

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-Keep it.

-Yes, you see, the Germans were spying on us from their planes.

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They could see where our guns and tanks were

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and work out our next move.

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But! What if the tanks and guns they saw weren't tanks and guns at all?

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What if it was just...an illusion?

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Fly, Cornelius, be free!

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Oh, I see. So, you built cardboard tanks to fool the German planes.

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Precisely! We even put tanks on top of jeeps and drove them around

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to make it look like the tanks were moving.

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-So it was all just...

-..An illusion.

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-Is this your card?

-Well, I didn't actually...

-Take the card.

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OK.

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Yes, these sort of tactics helped us win the war.

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On D-Day, when we wanted Hitler to think

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we were invading France from Dover, we built an entire fake army.

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We even had fake, wooden planes.

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-Like this one.

-Oh, right.

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Doesn't look much like a plane from here.

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Not from the ground, maybe. But from the air...

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Oh, I see. Very clever.

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And the Americans brought an entire inflatable army.

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You could say I was the first general to blow up his own army!

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THEY LAUGH

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I don't really get the joke.

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Well, there we have it.

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It turns out that cardboard tanks and wooden planes

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could really be used to help win a war.

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That's all we have time for this week.

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So a big thanks to my guests, General Peregrine Thorogood

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-and...

-And me, Jasper Maskelyne,

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master of illusion!

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Good heavens! Where has he gone?!

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-Well, he's clearly just down there, isn't he?

-Why would you do that?

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-Why would you...?

-It's not magic,

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-you've just gone below the desk.

-You've just ruined it for everyone.

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That's true. Cardboard and glue helped us win the war.

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And paper and string was pretty useful too.

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Poor wartime families used to wrap their children up in brown paper

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to keep them snug and warm.

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Now, what could possibly go wrong with that?

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Hello, darling, I'm home.

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Hello, love. Did you remember to send that parcel?

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Yes, of course I did, darling.

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And have you seen Timmy? I've no idea where he's gone.

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He was here earlier, playing with his teddy.

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Ah. Yes, I think I know what's happened.

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Darling, I'm just popping back to the post office.

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Yes.

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At least I marked him "fragile".

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you! #

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Next!

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Phoo-wee!

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Urgh, who are you, Captain Stinky of the Stinky People?

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Heraclitus, Ancient Greek philosopher.

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Oh, what, "I stink, therefore I am"? HE LAUGHS

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So, how did you die, Stinkitus?

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Heraclitus!

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Whatever.

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In my old age, I developed an illness called dropsy.

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Which is where your body swells up with excess water.

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-But I did invent an original cure.

-I can tell this is going to be good.

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Everybody knows water evaporates when heated.

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So I figured if I just stayed somewhere hot,

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then the excess water would evaporate away.

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And what's a ready source of heat?

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Ooh! HE MIMICS BUZZER

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Fire! The sun! An oven?

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Cow dung.

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HE LAUGHS

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Even better!

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-Go on.

-Yeah.

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So, I jumped into a big pile of cow dung

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and I buried myself up to my neck in it.

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Ah! Hence the "phoo-wee".

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But, unfortunately, I forgot to bring any water,

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so I just got hotter and hotter and...

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-Yes?

-And eventually died from heat exhaustion.

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HE LAUGHS

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You were baked alive in a giant cow pat!

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Your cure stinks and so do you, Stinkitus!

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Heraclitus!

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Whatever!

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-You're through to the afterlife, off you go.

-Am I?

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Get out before I change my mind.

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Sorry.

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Phoo-wee!

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Sometimes I love this job. I do, I do!

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #

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The Ancient Greeks believed that the dead went to the underworld.

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Yes, the Greeks had some very strange beliefs.

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Evil spirits, what a nightmare!

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You know what I'm on about.

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I mean, keeping your ancestors' dead bodies in a jar is great.

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But what happens if their spirits escape?

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Oh, clumsy!

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Before you know it, an evil spirit has entered your house

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and started spreading illness and disease.

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That's why you need...

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Give the doorframe a nice, thick coat of yucky, sticky tar.

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Then just watch as those evil spirits get stuck to it,

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again and again and again.

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Tackle your demons with...

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We Ancient Greeks were quite superstitious.

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We believed in ghosts and horoscopes and that the gods decided our fate.

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We thought the gods spoke through oracles

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and so we could learn about the future.

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Hi.

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How may I help you, my son?

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Hello. Um, I'm mean to seek counsel from the Oracle of Delphi.

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Ah, you wish to know the future.

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Well, I'm Aeschylus the playwright. You might recognise me.

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Well, anyway, I've just written a new play

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and I just want to know if it's going to be a success or not.

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Ah, well. Don't you worry. 'Tis the oracle's greatest pleasure

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to relieve the good people of Greece of the burden of uncertainty.

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Excellent. Great. Is it just through here?

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There are certain administrative expenses

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associated with the management of a good oracle...

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Yes, of course.

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There we go.

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There's water and heating. Funds.

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OK, um...

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And there's temple maintenance as well.

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-Have you noticed the roof?

-OK.

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-The oracle awaits you.

-Thank you.

-Enter.

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Oh, great and wise oracle.

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Will you please ask the god Apollo what the Fates have in store for me?

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Daaa! Wa-da,

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Doo-ba-da, dah, doo-ra, da-da. Hah.

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The oracle speaks in the strange language of the gods.

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But we do provide a translation service.

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-Really?

-At a very reasonable price.

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Yeah, OK.

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Yes. Thank you.

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She says you will spend a lot of money.

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That is what I'm doing now.

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I want to know what's going to happen in the future.

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Is my play going to be a success? Will you...?

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Wai, da-da-da, goo-da-doh. Ah!

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Do-dah-doh, ba-da, doh-doh. Dahhh.

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Do you require additional translation services?

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Unbe... Yeah. Right.

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She says, "Beware the tortoise".

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Really(?) Beware the tortoise.

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Well, I could lie, but...

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That's good. That's really excellent, actually(!)

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-Don't shoot the messenger, mate.

-Thanks for nothing.

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Ohh, dah-DA, bah, dah. Doh-ba-dah!

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Yeah, same to you.

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Da-ba-da! DA-BA-DA-DA!

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WA-DA! Honestly. He didn't even leave a tip!

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Ridiculous. What was I thinking? Beware the tortoise! It's absolute...

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Oh, she's good. She's...

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It's true. Aeschylus really WAS killed

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when an eagle dropped a tortoise on his head.

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The bird thought his shiny bald patch was a rock

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and tried to use it smash open the tortoise's shell.

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And that's the story of the tortoise and the no-hair.

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"Boo, get 'im off!"

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Even I'm heckling myself.

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After the English Civil War, Oliver Cromwell ruled England.

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And he disapproved of just about anything fun.

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# On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me... #

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Cousin Ollie! Merry Christmas, old bean!

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Oh, relatives. How did you get past the guards?

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We just thought we'd pop by to wish you a very merry Christmas.

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-Merry Christmas!

-I'm a Puritan, I don't celebrate Christmas.

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In fact, I've had it banned.

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Well, you won't say no to a spot of Christmas dinner, will you?

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-We brought you a goose!

-Guards!

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-What are you doing?

-Christmas dinner is banned, it's sinful.

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I've ordered the army to confiscate all roast geese. Guards!

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Whoa, whoa! We'll lose the goose, we'll lose the goose.

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It's fine. Why don't we all go down to the pub or something?

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-Guards!

-What now?

-Pubs are banned, they are sinful.

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Fine, fine. Why don't we all go to the theatre?

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-Guards!

-Let me guess - banned.

-Yes!

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-It's sinful!

-All right,

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all right, why don't we have a festive kick-about in the park?

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-Guards!

-What?

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-You can't sport, it's...

-..Sinful!

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You have to understand, these frivolous events

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distract us Puritans from our devotion to Christ.

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Well, we have to do something. Lucy's all made up.

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With make-up?

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-Yes.

-Guards!

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Oh, come on.

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Make-up is sinful! Especially that eye shadow with that top.

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-What?

-Nothing.

-Wait a minute.

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I've got it! Why don't we all go to church? I mean,

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church isn't sinful, is it?

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No, of course not.

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Well, let's all go to church!

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Guard! Seize them.

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It's against the law to go to church on Christmas Day.

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Take these sinners to prison.

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-But...!

-What?

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Wait.

0:17:360:17:37

Yes?

0:17:370:17:39

Happy Christmas.

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Oh.

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Now lock 'em up and throw away the key!

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Oliver Cromwell really did ban pretty much anything that was fun.

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Even Christmas, yeah!

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Though secretly, he still liked music and smoking.

0:17:520:17:55

So Christmas was sinful, but smoking was OK.

0:17:550:17:59

What a weirdo!

0:17:590:18:01

No wonder everybody wanted the King back on the throne.

0:18:010:18:05

# My name is

0:18:050:18:06

# My name is

0:18:060:18:08

# My name is Charles II

0:18:080:18:09

# I love the people And the people love me

0:18:090:18:12

# So much that they restored The English monarchy

0:18:120:18:15

# I'm part Scottish, French, Italian A little bit Dane

0:18:150:18:17

# But 100% party animal Champagne?

0:18:170:18:20

# Spaniels I adore Named after me too

0:18:200:18:23

# Like me, they were fun With a natty hairdo

0:18:230:18:25

# Is today my birthday? I can't recall

0:18:250:18:28

# Let's have a party anyway Because I love a masked ball

0:18:280:18:30

# All hail the King of Bling

0:18:300:18:34

# Let's sing, bells ring, ding, ding

0:18:340:18:38

# I'm the king who brought back partying

0:18:380:18:41

# King Charles, my daddy, lost his throne and kings were banned

0:18:410:18:43

# They chopped off his head Then Ollie Cromwell ruled the land

0:18:430:18:46

# Old Ollie wasn't jolly He was glum and he was proud

0:18:460:18:49

# He was miserable as sin Only sinning's not allowed

0:18:490:18:51

# When Ollie died, the people said,

0:18:510:18:53

# "Charlie, me hearty

0:18:530:18:54

# "Get rid of his dull laws Come back, we'd rather party"

0:18:540:18:57

# This action's what they call the monarchy restoration

0:18:570:18:59

# Which naturally was followed by a huge celebration

0:18:590:19:02

# The King of England say No sin to sing

0:19:020:19:07

# Or anything All say

0:19:070:19:10

# I'm the king who brought back partying

0:19:100:19:12

# The Great London Fire was a whopper

0:19:120:19:14

# In my reign London City came a cropper

0:19:140:19:16

# So this King did what was right and proper

0:19:160:19:18

# For the Fire proved I'm more than a bopper

0:19:180:19:20

# I'm a fire stopper

0:19:200:19:23

# Married Catherine Braganza She was a love so true

0:19:230:19:25

# There would never be another Well, maybe one or two

0:19:250:19:28

# Lucy Walter, Nell Gwynn, Moll Davis, Barbara Villiers

0:19:280:19:31

# You think that's bad, but her name's not as silly as...

0:19:310:19:33

# ..Hortense Mancini

0:19:330:19:35

# As king, I must admit I broke the wedding rules

0:19:350:19:38

# But who cares when I brought back the Crown Jewels?

0:19:380:19:41

# I reinstated Christmas, make-up, sport and even plays

0:19:410:19:44

# I was the Merrie Monarch They were good old days

0:19:440:19:46

# When said and done King Charles did run

0:19:460:19:51

# England for fun

0:19:510:19:54

# I was the king loved by everyone My song is done. #

0:19:540:19:57

Party, anyone?

0:19:570:19:59

In fact, she married two of her brothers,

0:20:140:20:17

dated one Roman general and married another.

0:20:170:20:20

All of whom came to sticky ends.

0:20:200:20:23

So, basically Cleo was a real love rat.

0:20:230:20:27

And not in a good way.

0:20:270:20:29

Getting close to Cleo was a dangerous business.

0:20:290:20:32

If Ancient Egyptians had had the internet,

0:20:320:20:34

you wouldn't have wanted to be her online friend. Just imagine!

0:20:340:20:37

Mark Antony has accepted me as a friend on Mummy-bo.

0:20:460:20:50

Excellent! "Thanks for the add...

0:20:500:20:54

"smiley hieroglyphic."

0:20:540:20:55

-PHONE RINGS

-It's him!

0:20:550:20:58

Hail Queen Cleopatra!

0:20:590:21:02

Hail yourself!

0:21:020:21:03

I was just looking at your Mummy-bo profile

0:21:030:21:06

and I couldn't help but notice you haven't got many friends.

0:21:060:21:09

Well, I did have my sister, Pharaoh Cleopatra VI,

0:21:090:21:12

but she died in suspicious circumstances.

0:21:120:21:14

And my other sister, Pharaoh Berenice IV, but she was executed.

0:21:140:21:19

Then there were my half-brothers, Pharaoh Ptolemy XIII, drowned,

0:21:190:21:24

and Pharaoh Ptolemy XIV, poisoned.

0:21:240:21:27

Sounds like being on the throne in Egypt

0:21:270:21:29

is a fairly dangerous job, Cleo.

0:21:290:21:31

Do you never get scared?

0:21:310:21:33

-SHE CHUCKLES

-No, no, no, I'll be fine.

0:21:330:21:35

I just need a powerful Roman to stand alongside me.

0:21:350:21:39

What, like Caesar? Didn't you date him?

0:21:390:21:41

-Yeah.

-Now he's dead.

0:21:410:21:44

Yeah. About that...

0:21:440:21:45

There's now a vacancy, so do you want to go out with me?

0:21:450:21:49

No-oo.

0:21:490:21:51

Oh, please, please, please! I'll put you on my Top Ten Friends list.

0:21:510:21:55

OK. In for a denarius, in for a sestertius! Ha, ha!

0:21:550:21:59

More like a Top Two Friends list. Who's this other one?

0:21:590:22:03

Oh, yeah, that's my sister, Arsinoe.

0:22:030:22:05

At last, a member of your family who isn't dead.

0:22:050:22:09

Mm. About that...

0:22:090:22:11

Cleo...

0:22:110:22:12

Yeah, the thing is, she's the last threat to my throne,

0:22:120:22:15

so I need to have Arsinoe killed.

0:22:150:22:17

You don't mind if I put your name on the assassination warrant,

0:22:170:22:20

do you? Um...

0:22:200:22:22

-Please, please, please, please!

-Oh, OK.

0:22:220:22:25

There we go. Nasty business, but had to be done.

0:22:260:22:30

Now you and me can rule the Egyptian Empire in peace.

0:22:300:22:33

Right, great.

0:22:330:22:34

COMPUTER BEEPS Oh. What was that noise?

0:22:350:22:38

Did something go wrong?

0:22:380:22:40

Oh... Yeah.

0:22:400:22:41

It says there's a problem with the transaction.

0:22:410:22:44

I probably just need to update my PapyrusPal account.

0:22:440:22:47

-Oh.

-What?

0:22:480:22:49

-What is it?

-Yeah, turns out Arsinoe was on the steps

0:22:490:22:53

of a sacred temple when you murdered her.

0:22:530:22:55

-When

-I

-murdered her?

-Rome is up in arms. We're in big trouble.

0:22:550:23:00

-What are we going to do?

-Well, if we want to die with dignity,

0:23:000:23:03

we'll have to kill ourselves before the Roman Army get to us.

0:23:030:23:07

What? Oh, this is most inconvenient.

0:23:070:23:10

-Oh, well, I suppose...

-No, no, no, wait!

0:23:100:23:13

I suppose we could pretend to kill ourselves and then just hide.

0:23:130:23:17

Urgh! Now you tell me, Cleo.

0:23:170:23:19

You are literally the worst girlfriend I have ever had.

0:23:190:23:23

And I've had some shockers. Urgh.

0:23:230:23:26

Right. Looks like I'll have to do the same, then. Um...

0:23:280:23:33

I'll get a poisonous snake to bite me.

0:23:330:23:35

I mean, that's probably quite a regal way to go.

0:23:350:23:38

An asp! Perfect.

0:23:380:23:41

How much?

0:23:410:23:43

20 bronze coins for packaging?!

0:23:430:23:46

I suppose it is quite a long tube.

0:23:460:23:49

Welcome back to HHTV Sport,

0:23:590:24:02

bringing you exclusive live sporting events from the past.

0:24:020:24:05

Let's go over to our commentary team live in 1805

0:24:050:24:08

where the sport of boxing

0:24:080:24:10

is about to undergo an incredible transformation.

0:24:100:24:13

Thanks very much. Looks like tonight is going to be a real cracker.

0:24:150:24:19

Let's meet the fighters.

0:24:190:24:20

First up, we've got London's finest,

0:24:200:24:23

the huge, the undefeated Jack "Tough Tom" Holmes.

0:24:230:24:27

Let's take a look at Tough Tom in action.

0:24:270:24:30

He's a real expert at classic Georgian bare-knuckle boxing,

0:24:300:24:33

where two rivals stand stock still and slug it out.

0:24:330:24:37

Yeah!

0:24:370:24:39

Next up it's the newcomer,

0:24:390:24:40

all the way from New York in the USA,

0:24:400:24:43

it's the comparatively smaller Bill Richmond!

0:24:430:24:46

Bill was born a slave in New York, USA,

0:24:460:24:48

and learned his trade, boxing for entertainment,

0:24:480:24:51

-at the Duke of Northumberland's dinner parties.

-I have to say,

0:24:510:24:54

he looks a lot smaller than Tough Tom.

0:24:540:24:57

-I think this is going to be carnage.

-Certainly looks that way.

0:24:570:25:00

Seconds out, round 1!

0:25:000:25:02

-Oh, and Tough Tom is really fired up for this one.

-Oh, I can't watch.

0:25:030:25:06

Hold on, what was that?! It looks like Bill Richmond

0:25:070:25:10

has got out of the way of one of Tough Tom's punches!

0:25:100:25:13

-Is that allowed?!

-I guess!

0:25:130:25:15

Oh! He's got out of the way of another one!

0:25:170:25:19

That is extraordinary. Nobody has ever got out of the way

0:25:190:25:22

in the whole history of boxing. When you come to think about it,

0:25:220:25:26

not letting your opponent hit you in the face is not a bad idea.

0:25:260:25:29

He's invented a whole new technique!

0:25:290:25:31

Nobody got out of the way before.

0:25:310:25:33

Probably because their heads were mashed up by all the boxing.

0:25:330:25:37

DONG!

0:25:370:25:38

-Oh!

-Oh!

-He's floored him!

0:25:380:25:40

He has floored him.

0:25:400:25:41

Oh, and it looks like Jack "Tough Tom" Holmes is out for the count.

0:25:410:25:45

You're out!

0:25:450:25:46

Bill "Get Out Of The Way" Richmond is the winner.

0:25:460:25:49

Back to the studio.

0:25:490:25:51

Of course, the boxing move Bill Richmond invented

0:25:510:25:53

isn't really called "getting out of the way".

0:25:530:25:56

It's now known as the "bob and weave"

0:25:560:25:58

and it's what all boxers do.

0:25:580:26:00

And some hairdressers, come to think of it.

0:26:000:26:02

My mum's got a bob. My dad's got a weave.

0:26:020:26:05

Georgian times could be pretty violent,

0:26:050:26:07

and not just in the boxing ring.

0:26:070:26:09

Thanks to several pupil rebellions,

0:26:090:26:11

even going to school could be a hair-raising experience.

0:26:110:26:15

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

0:26:150:26:19

Thank you, Headmaster. How hard will it be for Samuel to get in?

0:26:190:26:23

The examination is straightforward.

0:26:230:26:25

We examine your bank account - if you've got enough money, you're in.

0:26:250:26:28

-What is your attitude to discipline?

-Discipline is very important.

0:26:280:26:32

We really, really wish we had some!

0:26:320:26:34

Do not throw stones in the quadrangle!

0:26:340:26:36

GUNSHOTS

0:26:360:26:37

Do not fire pistols at the Headmaster!

0:26:370:26:40

-Just walk this way.

-GUNSHOT

0:26:400:26:42

-On second thoughts, run!

-What's going on?

0:26:420:26:45

Just a little...high spirits!

0:26:450:26:48

Must be double chemistry!

0:26:480:26:50

GUNSHOT

0:26:500:26:51

-Who's firing pistols? Who's throwing stones?

-I'm not sure.

0:26:510:26:54

I think it's Class 5B.

0:26:540:26:56

-Schoolboys?!

-Yes. Just a little pupil rebellion.

0:26:560:26:59

-Rebellion?!

-Nothing out of the ordinary.

0:26:590:27:02

All the best schools have them. Oi! You there!

0:27:020:27:05

-Yes, I'm looking at you! You're late!

-Sorry, sir.

0:27:050:27:08

You're a bit old to be a pupil. Are you a teacher?

0:27:080:27:10

No, Colonel Warwick, British Army.

0:27:100:27:12

Headmaster calls us in when a rebellion gets out of hand.

0:27:120:27:15

They've broken several rules. You may need bayonets.

0:27:150:27:18

Yes, sir.

0:27:180:27:19

BAYONETS!

0:27:190:27:21

Good luck, Colonel!

0:27:210:27:22

EXPLOSION

0:27:220:27:24

Why, that's quite enough of that!

0:27:260:27:28

All of you, see me in my office!

0:27:280:27:30

Ah.

0:27:320:27:34

So! Hands up if you'd like to see the library.

0:27:340:27:38

Yes, please.

0:27:380:27:39

Both hands. If we surrender, they might let us across.

0:27:390:27:43

GUNSHOT

0:27:430:27:45

On second thoughts, why don't I introduce you to Matron?

0:27:450:27:48

# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts

0:27:500:27:53

# The ugly truth... #

0:27:530:27:54

Want to travel through the time sewers with me?

0:27:540:27:56

Then play Horrible Histories: Terrible Treasures.

0:27:560:27:59

Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.

0:27:590:28:03

# ..a mystery

0:28:030:28:04

# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #

0:28:040:28:09

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