Episode 3 Horrible Histories


Episode 3

Historical sketch show. In Ancient Greece it's Spartan High School Musical, a jester breaks bad news to Henry VIII, and Roman emperor Nero stars in a (not very) romantic movie.


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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

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# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights

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# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

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# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times

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# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless

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# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages

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# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat

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# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...

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# Horrible Histories. #

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We Romans really could be rotten.

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And there's nothing we liked more than being horrible to Christians.

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Hello! Welcome to I'm A Christian, Get Me Out Of Here!

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So far, Rome has seen Christians stoned to death, beheaded,

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crucified, mauled by boar, bear and leopard and eaten by lions.

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That's what I call Roman entertainment.

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I can hardly wait to find out what happens to today's prisoners.

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Hey, you Christians.

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We've got some really horrible tortures for you today.

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But remember, all you have to do if you want to be freed is shout,

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I'm A Christian, Get Me Out Of Here!

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And you also have to say that our Roman gods

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are better than your one Christian God.

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-Does any of youse want to say that?

-No.

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We wont reject our religion.

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Brilliant! I hate it when they give in. No gory stuff.

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Let's find out who's first up.

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Blandina, love. I can tell you...

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..that the next Christian to face a trial

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is not... not... not... not you,

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so it is you! I love doing that.

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-That's cruel.

-I know.

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It's not as cruel as your trial,

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which will place you in a huge catapult

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and fling you high above the city.

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-Don't worry, you might survive.

-Good.

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If you do, a Roman soldier will finish you off with his sword.

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-That's not fair.

-I know! Off you go, pet. Come on, get out.

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After the break, we'll put our next Christian prisoner in this barrel

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and roll him down a hill.

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-That doesn't sound too bad.

-Whoops! Did I forget to mention the spikes?

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'I'm a Christian, Get Me Out Of Here!'

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A bit late for that one, Blandina.

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Kids, being a Christian in Rome can seriously damage your health.

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Emperor Nero was particularly nasty to Christians.

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Not surprising when you hear how he treated people

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he was supposed to care about.

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I now pronounce you Emperor and wife.

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Emperor Nero, you may kiss the bride.

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You lucky, lucky thing.

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'He was the man who had everything.

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-'Land.'

-I love you.

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-'Power.'

-Hail me.

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'Grapes. A lot of grapes.

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'And the woman of his dreams.'

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-I love you.

-I don't blame you.

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'Then, possibly while shopping for grapes...'

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I'm not paying. My empire, my rules.

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'..He met the woman of his dreams.

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-'Yes, another one.'

-Who is that?

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-D'you wanna go out with me?

-Won't your wife mind?

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I shouldn't think so. D'you mind?

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Yes, I mind!

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Hm. You can never second-guess these things.

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'Nero was prepared to do anything to be with the woman he loved.

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'No, no. The other one.

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'Yeah, yeah. That one there.'

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I need a sign! Something to show you love me now, not her!

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Something more than grapes? Because I've got loads of grapes.

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Yes, something more than grapes!

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Right. Er...

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'This summer, one emperor will prove that love is a gift.'

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Darling, it's just what I wanted!

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Your wife's severed head in a basket.

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'Coming soon, the film that puts the Roman in Romantic comedy.'

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-You would never sever my head and put it in a basket, would you?

-No!

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-I'll have you kicked to death.

-What?

-Nothing.

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'Love You To Death.

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'Based on a true story. Rated Unreasonable.'

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It's horrible, but it's true.

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Emperor Nero had his wife's head cut off and sent to his new girlfriend.

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The next Valentine's Day, you may want to stick to flowers.

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Nero wasn't nasty to everyone.

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He was nice to his favourite gladiator, Spiculus.

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'In this week's Ave! magazine -

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'an exclusive interview with the most famous sportsman in Rome,

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'Spiculus the Gladiator!'

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My name's Tiberius Claudius Spiculus. You can call me Spics.

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I used to be a slave. I fought so well in the arena, I won my freedom.

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And Emperor Nero likes me so much, he's given me my own palace.

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'Read how Nero made his favourite gladiator

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'head of his personal-protection force.'

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Only problem is, I'm now so famous,

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I can't go anywhere without being stopped for pictures.

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Over here, Spiculus! Nice!

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'And we've got the pictures the gladiators didn't want you to see.

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'Have you never heard of a Roman bath?

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'Our soothsayer predicts the future

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'by reading the entrails of a chicken.'

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I can safely say it's going to be a bad week... for this chicken.

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'Yes. All the goss, all the pics, all the Roman rumours,

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'only in this week's Ave! magazine.'

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I can safely predict you're going to buy it.

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'Only XCIX denarii.'

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Some of our Middle Ages medical cures would seem pretty strange nowadays.

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Paul? Paul, can you hear me?

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Don't worry. The ambulance is on its way.

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-Make way!

-Make way!

-Make way!

-Historical paramedics.

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-From the hospital?

-No, Middle Ages.

-What's happened?

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It's my husband. He went all dizzy and passed out.

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-What be his name?

-Paul.

-Paul, hear ye! Hear ye, Paul!

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-Can you hear me, Paul?

-He's fainted. I need a dead chicken.

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What on earth is that going to do?

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-Nothing. It's dead.

-It's not the chicken we need, it's the feathers.

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We just burn the ends of them. This should bring him round.

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-It's not working.

-Had he shown any other symptoms?

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He hasn't been sleeping too well.

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Sleeplessness? Nigel, treacle.

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-Yes, honey?

-Get the treacle.

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Don't worry. Treacle is our latest cure for sleeplessness.

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Hang on. What are those markings?

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Could be bruising from the fall. I'll cut the flour and bacon fat.

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-What?

-Hang on. They're blotchy.

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Skin disease. No! I'm all out of wolf skin.

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Where be a wolf? Where be a wolf?!

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-This might work.

-It looks like ringworm.

-I concur.

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There's one thing for it. Man-child, do you want to be a gallant hero?

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Wee on his head! Nothing cures ringworm like a boy's-wee hair wash.

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He's not weeing on my husband's head! You're not weeing on him!

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I always carry a fresh jar of boy's urine just in case.

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-Paul!

-I'm OK. I do need a shower, though.

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-Our work here is done.

-Do you mind filling this while we're here?

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Stop it. Don't...!

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SIREN WAILS It sounds like a proper ambulance.

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-We must flee this place!

-Make haste!

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Ian? Bring the cleanup kit.

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Those historical ones have been here.

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'Those were all real treatments.

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'They actually believed it would work.

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'But back then, they believed some very weird things.'

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Greetings, horror hounds.

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I am Vincenzo Larfoff.

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And this week's scary story is from the Middle Ages.

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It's called, The Children of Woolpit.

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It was 1173.

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An especially eerie yearie.

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When the small village of Woolpit in the county of Suffolk

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was invaded by creatures from another world.

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-EERIE INSTRUMENTAL

-Indeed.

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One day, two aliens appeared in the village.

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These aliens had taken the form of two children - a boy and a girl.

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But their skin was bright green

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and they spoke in a strange alien language.

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HE SPEAKS GIBBERISH

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Or something.

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Yes, the villagers of Woolpit were terrified.

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These green-skinned aliens demanded to be fed.

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But what they ate was truly chilling.

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Something no real human child would eat without being forced.

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Yes! Vegetables!

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And then, quite without warning, the boy alien dropped down dead.

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SCREAM / THUD!

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And the girl alien? That's the strangest part of all.

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She became a part-time domestic servant.

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A-hem! It turned out that these children

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were not from Mars or Venus.

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They were from... Belgium!

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They were orphans, the children of Belgian cloth makers?

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Their skin was green because of the dye the parents used on the cloth.

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They'd lived in the woods so long, they only recognised vegetation.

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The boy died of malnutrition, the girl grew up

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and went to work for a local knight?

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This is not a scary story, is it?

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It's a boring story with a weird beginning.

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That isn't the same thing. Why am I here?

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I grew a goatee for this. It's unbelievable.

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I'm going to my dressing room. There had better be doughnuts.

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Ancient Greece was divided into different city states.

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The people of Athens thought us Spartans were pretty brutal.

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But some of the things they did were just as bad.

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Come on, Adelphus, you're gonna be late for school again!

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-Now, have you got everything?

-Yes.

-Have you got your stylus?

-A-huh.

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-Your wax tablet?

-Yep.

-Your pitta bread for lunch?

-Yeah.

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-Haven't you forgotten something?

-Um,... no.

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Your slave! Slave?

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Oh, Dad, do I have to take him?

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Yes. I bought him especially to beat you when you misbehave in class.

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-Oh!

-All the other kids have got one.

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-Ha!

-Shut it, you!

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-Ow!

-He's only doing his job.

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-Now, Athena, have you got everything you need for school?

-Eh?

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Ha! Sorry. I'm only joking.

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Like I'm gonna send a girl to school. It's pointless!

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Pfft! Ow!

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Oh, you are good! Oh! Actually, he's got maths this afternoon.

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You might need the big stick. You know what he's like.

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Go on, then, get off to school!

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Kids! You can't beat 'em. So to speak.

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It's true. In the Ancient Greek city of Athens,

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boys took a slave to school with them

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to make sure they were behaving in class.

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I have no idea how they fitted the slave in their satchel, though.

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Ow! Alright, I'll behave!

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Mind you, if you think Athens sounds bad,

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you wouldn't have wanted to go to school in Sparta.

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Hey! All you Helots, you Zealots,

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you Peloponnesians, you Lacedaemons,

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all of Leonidas' army, let's get barmy

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for the Spartan School Musical!

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ALL: Go, Spartan!

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UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL

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Whoo!

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Come on!

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# Today I'm starting high school where boys are turned to men

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# I've packed my sword and shield We don't use paper and pen

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-# Everyone's a jock here

-# We don't have Spartan nerds

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# The weedy kids were left to die as breakfast for the birds

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# We're taught to love a fight We're taught not to be meek

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# And if we're good, they feed us three square meals every week

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# Let's go fighting Now, fighting is exciting

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# Now, rocking at the Spartan School

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-Come on!

-Whoo!

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# At Spartan kindergarten I'm the boss that's understood

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# I smack 'em if they're naughty I thwack 'em if they're good

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# I'm feeling rather peckish I'm gonna steal some food

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# I'll have to punish you ungrateful Spartan brood

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# We promise not to steal We're not the thieving sort

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# Stealing is considered good what's wrong is getting caught

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# Let's get beatin' now learn lies and cheatin' now

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# Rollin' at the Spartan School

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# We have a bunch of contests to see who is the best

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# The meanest, meanest toughest, roughest Spartan contest

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# This one is my favourite game lashings of good fun

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Didn't feel a thing! I want my mum.

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# We pass our last exam then it's Spartan graduation

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# Straightaway we go to work no time for celebration

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# Ten years' active service in the army, no diversion

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# There's only one job for a Spartan Killing loads of Persians

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# Wondering about love? It's banned until you're 30

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# High school doesn't teach romance it teaches fighting dirty

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# Let's go fightin' now Fightin' is exciting now

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# Rockin' at the Spartan School

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# Let's get beatin' now learn lies and cheatin' now

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# Rollin' at the Spartan School. #

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We Tudors were all terrified of Henry VIII.

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No-one wanted to give him bad news.

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In fact, there was only one person who could get away with it.

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-Sir Nicholas?

-What news?

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The rumours are true, I'm afraid.

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It would seem the Queen is seeing other men behind the King's back.

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Then it is as we feared. We should inform His Majesty.

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Yes, of course. But you know how his moods are.

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Yes. He does tend to behead the messenger.

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-Indeed.

-Then there is only one man for the job.

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Only one man who could break such terrible news

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to His Majesty, King Henry VIII.

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-You don't mean...?

-Yes.

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-BOTH: Will Somers.

-You called?

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Bum-bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum-bum, bum-bum! Pfft!

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Stonk! Hoo-hee! Hoo-hee! Blblblblblb!

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Ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-onk!

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So, what seems to be the problem, gentlemen?

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-Catherine Howard.

-Another man?

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-Several.

-Oh, dear. That is a pickle.

-Yes.

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We need to tell the King so he can arrange a divorce or a beheading.

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And you are his favourite jester. Who better to break the bad news?

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This is true. But how?

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This is obviously hugely important, so what do we think?

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Shall I do it as a joke? Or a song?

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Or shall I blurt it out while I'm doing the juggling?

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-You're the expert.

-Yes. I am good at this.

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I shall use tact, diplomacy

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and one of these.

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Pffffffffffft!

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Stand aside, gentlemen.

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Bom-boom, bom-boom, bom.

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-Squeak-squeak, h-o-o-onk!

-No.

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Not today, Will. I'm not in the right mood.

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You seem to be in a right mood to me.

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WILL LAUGHS

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HENRY VIII LAUGHS

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Stop it. I need a wee.

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Would that be the royal wee? A-kabunsss!

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HE LAUGHS No, seriously. I will wet my breeches.

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Don't get any on the seat, or you'll have to be throne out!

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BOTH LAUGH

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Oh, no. Oh, no! There's a couple of drips right there.

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I wouldn't worry about it. There's been a few drips on that throne!

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HENRY VIII LAUGHS

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Yes, drips. Hasn't there just!

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More than a few, I should think.

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HE LAUGHS Almost as many as your wife has boyfriends.

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HE LAUGHS

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She's had a few then, has she?

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Yeah, loads of them. Good day, sire.

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HE LAUGHS Very good. Look at you!

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You...! HE LAUGHS

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Well? How did he take it?

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It's too early to say.

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Should sink in in about three, two, one...

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-WHAT?!

-There it is.

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Nicholas, fetch me my executioner!

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At once, sire!

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Oh. And a clean pair of pants, please.

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Being Henry's jester was a dangerous job,

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but not as dangerous as being this Tudor entertainer.

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INSTRUMENTAL

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #

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She shouldn't have worn that dress. She had no chance. Next!

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-And you are...?

-A Tudor performer and entertainer.

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Ooo! Well, why not entertain us, eh?

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How did you die?

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Well, I was famous for my amazing act -

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-the great stab-proof man!

-Ooo!

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I would stand before a live audience

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and plunge a dagger into my own chest

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and yet, not die.

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Hm. Well, how come?

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I wore a cleverly-hidden stab-proof vest

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so the knife never even touched me.

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But it did puncture a concealed bag of animal blood,

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giving the impression that I was bleeding.

0:18:130:18:16

Very clever! So, how did you die for real?

0:18:160:18:20

Well, it was all going perfectly.

0:18:200:18:22

The crowd were cheering, the money was pouring in

0:18:220:18:25

and I raised my dagger aloft and plunged it into my chest.

0:18:250:18:30

-Yes. And, and...?

-I'd forgotten to put on my stab-proof vest.

0:18:300:18:34

I stabbed myself in the heart and I died.

0:18:340:18:37

HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

0:18:370:18:40

Shame the vest wasn't idiot-proof!

0:18:410:18:45

I'll just confer with the judges.

0:18:460:18:48

Mm-hm. A-huh.

0:18:480:18:50

Mm-hm. Oh, shut up, Louis!

0:18:500:18:52

That's two yeses. You're through to the afterlife. Well done.

0:18:520:18:56

Thank you. Thank you so.

0:18:560:18:58

Very good, wasn't he? He was good.

0:18:580:19:02

Sometimes I love this job. I... I do, Louis. I do.

0:19:020:19:05

# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #

0:19:050:19:09

Whoo-hoo!

0:19:090:19:11

-Kill!

-The time has come for your first hunting trip.

0:19:150:19:20

-BOTH: Yes!

-Get in!

0:19:200:19:23

We have all been blessed by the sacred hag.

0:19:230:19:25

Oi! Less of the hag. It's Mummy to you.

0:19:250:19:28

-We've all been blessed by Mum. Sorry, Mum.

-That's better.

0:19:280:19:32

-And now we hunt.

-BOTH: Yeah!

0:19:320:19:36

May my spear be strong enough to bring down a marauding megabear.

0:19:360:19:39

BOTH: Ooo! Megabear?

0:19:390:19:42

May Ugg's arrows fly straight enough to fell a stampeding mammoth.

0:19:420:19:45

-Mammoth?

-Mammoth?

0:19:450:19:47

And may Grunt's dagger be sharp enough

0:19:470:19:50

to tear out the heart of a sabre-toothed tiger!

0:19:500:19:53

-Did he say tiger?

-He said tiger, he said tiger.

0:19:530:19:56

We feast this night. Men, let's hunt!

0:19:560:20:00

-Raar!

-BOTH: Argh!

0:20:000:20:03

No, no, no, no, no. That megabear looks pretty big, actually.

0:20:040:20:07

Look at the size of its hand!

0:20:070:20:09

Oh! Oh! Oh, that's a leg. Oh, there's the other leg.

0:20:090:20:13

Actually, maybe we should go and help. Go on.

0:20:130:20:15

-Or, or, or...

-Yeah?

0:20:150:20:17

We could hunt that giant tortoise over there.

0:20:170:20:20

-I actually prefer tortoise to bear.

-Me, too.

0:20:200:20:23

So let's go and get him. They're pretty good in soups, I think.

0:20:230:20:26

-Watch out, he's a biter!

-He's getting away!

0:20:260:20:29

Yes. Cavemen really hunt giant tortoise.

0:20:290:20:33

In fact, we kill all giant tortoise in North America.

0:20:330:20:37

Bad caveman. Ow!

0:20:370:20:40

Hunting very tiring, so fitness important in Stone Age.

0:20:400:20:44

Do you want a body like this, but actually have a body like this?

0:20:440:20:48

Then you need the Caveman Workout.

0:20:480:20:51

It's perfect training for a prehistoric hunt.

0:20:520:20:54

You want guns like these? Sure you do. Let's start with those arms.

0:20:540:20:59

And club, and club, and club. Keep it going!

0:20:590:21:02

And club, and club. 10 more. Club.

0:21:020:21:04

OK. Let's start working out with those spears.

0:21:040:21:06

Don't worry, we use them to hunt bison.

0:21:060:21:10

First of all, we chase a bison off a cliff.

0:21:100:21:12

And run, and run. Get your feet up!

0:21:130:21:16

And run, and run. There's one there! Let's go!

0:21:160:21:18

Argh!

0:21:180:21:20

Once you have your bison, you need to finish him off.

0:21:200:21:24

And spear, and spear.

0:21:240:21:25

And spear. Keep it going! And spear.

0:21:250:21:27

It's time to drag the heavy bison up the hill, back to your cave.

0:21:280:21:33

And drag, and drag, and drag. While fighting off predators.

0:21:330:21:37

And drag, and club, and drag, and club.

0:21:370:21:42

-And drag, and club. That's really great.

-Argh!

0:21:420:21:46

So that's it - the Caveman Workout.

0:21:460:21:48

Stay in shape and you, too, could live to the ripe old age of 30.

0:21:480:21:52

The Caveman Workout - available while cavemen last.

0:21:550:21:58

HE STRAINS

0:21:580:22:00

That's enough of that, I think.

0:22:010:22:03

Scientists say humans look the way they do thanks to hunting.

0:22:030:22:07

Yeah. You lot evolved springy leg and feet muscles

0:22:070:22:10

so you could chase animals for miles and miles.

0:22:100:22:13

And a bottom so you can sit watching telly for hours. It's true.

0:22:130:22:18

The famous Wild West pony express was set up in 1860

0:22:220:22:26

to carry mail from one side of America to the other.

0:22:260:22:29

But it didn't last long.

0:22:290:22:31

-Howdy, Bill.

-Why, howdy, Jim.

0:22:400:22:42

Here I am, bang on schedule.

0:22:420:22:45

Although I did run into an ambush again

0:22:450:22:47

and I had to ride all through the night in a storm

0:22:470:22:50

and the horse got spooked by a rattlesnake,

0:22:500:22:53

reared up and threw me into a cactus.

0:22:530:22:55

Yeah! As if my butt wasn't sore enough,

0:22:550:22:59

having to spend 20 hours in the saddle to deliver mail to you.

0:22:590:23:02

-This is for you, Bill.

-Why, thank you kindly, Jim.

0:23:020:23:06

Ooo! Ah! I forgot about that.

0:23:060:23:09

It says here they finished the telegraph line

0:23:090:23:12

running across the whole of America.

0:23:120:23:14

So all I have to do is connect up this here telegraph machine

0:23:140:23:18

and I should start receiving messages.

0:23:180:23:21

Look at that. It works!

0:23:230:23:25

You know there ain't nothing that can get your messages

0:23:250:23:29

from the East Coast to the West Coast faster than the pony express.

0:23:290:23:32

-It only takes us 10 days!

-A telegraph only takes 10 seconds.

0:23:320:23:36

I've got my first message.

0:23:370:23:39

It says, "Pony express out of business, stop.

0:23:390:23:43

"Tell rider to get another job, stop."

0:23:430:23:45

Well, that is just a pain in the butt!

0:23:460:23:49

Ooo! And so is that.

0:23:500:23:52

One second. I got me some pliers.

0:23:520:23:54

Ooo!

0:23:580:24:00

That's right. The pony express riders' careers

0:24:010:24:05

were finished in just over a year.

0:24:050:24:07

Much like most X-Factor winners.

0:24:070:24:09

HE LAUGHS

0:24:090:24:11

Still, they were lucky if they lived to tell the tale

0:24:110:24:14

because the Wild West sure was full of dangerous characters.

0:24:140:24:17

But don't believe everything you read about them.

0:24:170:24:21

# Lots of things in history are actually a mystery

0:24:210:24:24

# The truth's not always in the books you read

0:24:240:24:27

# Facts can get distorted or even misreported

0:24:270:24:29

# Imagine if that was all down to me

0:24:290:24:33

# Cliff White-lie. #

0:24:330:24:35

-It's Whiteley!

-Sorry.

0:24:350:24:37

Nah, nah, you got it the wrong way round, mate.

0:24:370:24:40

Sir Walter Raleigh's the explorer.

0:24:400:24:42

The Monte Carlos rally is the car race.

0:24:420:24:45

Yeah. Easy mistake to make.

0:24:450:24:48

-Whallop!

-Cliff?

0:24:480:24:50

I've got Wyatt Earp and Billy The Kid in Reception.

0:24:500:24:53

Oh! I've only just had the ceiling done.

0:24:530:24:56

Alright, send them in.

0:24:570:25:00

-GUNFIRE

-Yeehah!

0:25:000:25:02

-Alright!

-Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

0:25:020:25:06

Susan, can you rebook the plasterer for next Wednesday? Thank you.

0:25:060:25:10

Mr Earp, Mr The Kid. What seems to be the problem?

0:25:100:25:15

We'd just like to give you a big thank you.

0:25:150:25:18

People believe Wyatt Earp and Billy The Kid

0:25:180:25:21

are genuine Wild West heroes.

0:25:210:25:24

-Yeehah!

-Yeehah!

0:25:240:25:26

You don't need to thank me, lads.

0:25:270:25:30

I've got all the facts from these books what you gave me.

0:25:300:25:33

It was you fellas did all the gun fighting and holdups.

0:25:330:25:36

No, no, no, sir. We did not do any of that stuff.

0:25:360:25:39

-Beg your pardon?

-I made it up.

0:25:390:25:42

-What?

-That stuff about me bein' a sheriff

0:25:420:25:44

and bringin' law and order to the Wild West?

0:25:440:25:47

Heck, I was just a part-time policeman

0:25:470:25:49

who got fired for stealin' horses.

0:25:490:25:52

But I thought you was a hero. What about the gunfight at the OK Corral?

0:25:520:25:56

That gunfight was just an argument about a robbery we all did together.

0:25:560:26:00

It wasn't much of a gunfight.

0:26:000:26:02

Most of their side didn't have guns! Oh, yeah!

0:26:020:26:05

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-No! No! This is a ceiling!

0:26:060:26:09

-Hee-hee!

-I hope your book's a bit more authentic.

0:26:090:26:12

Sir? There is nothing authentic about my book in the least.

0:26:120:26:17

But it's called, The Authentic Life of Billy The Kid.

0:26:170:26:21

It was written by the man who killed me.

0:26:210:26:23

I think he wanted to big hisself up.

0:26:230:26:26

He must've got some things right. Let's have a look.

0:26:260:26:28

"Real name, William Bonney. Killed 21 men by the age of 21.

0:26:280:26:32

"Renowned for his handsome face."

0:26:320:26:35

Well, I am kinda handsome.

0:26:350:26:38

-And the rest?

-My real name is Henry McCarty.

0:26:380:26:42

I killed my first man at 18, not 12.

0:26:420:26:45

And 21 murders before I was 21?

0:26:450:26:48

I only killed eight people my whole entire life.

0:26:480:26:52

-Whoo!

-Yeah! Eight. Oh, yeah!

0:26:520:26:55

Honestly! So, you're both fakes?

0:26:550:26:57

Where's a real Wild West legend when you need one, eh?

0:26:570:27:00

Pearl Hart at your service.

0:27:020:27:04

Right. I'm gonna start charging for the ceiling.

0:27:040:27:08

I'm the real deal. Ran away from boarding school,

0:27:080:27:11

cut my hair, dressed like a man,

0:27:110:27:13

held up a stagecoach. Yeehah!

0:27:130:27:16

Lawmen had to fight hard to take me,

0:27:160:27:18

but not even a prison cell could hold down Pearl.

0:27:180:27:21

I busted my way through the wall and straight to freedom. Yeehah!

0:27:210:27:25

You do know there's an office above me?

0:27:250:27:27

And I did all that without killin' a soul.

0:27:270:27:31

How about you set the record straight

0:27:310:27:33

and wipe these no-good fakers straight from history?

0:27:330:27:36

That sort of thing could take me years.

0:27:360:27:39

Yep. That should do it.

0:27:460:27:48

-Yeehah!

-Whallop!

0:27:490:27:52

# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts...

0:27:530:27:56

Want to travel through the time sewers with me?

0:27:560:27:59

Ha! Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures.

0:27:590:28:02

Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.

0:28:020:28:06

# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #

0:28:060:28:08

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:080:28:11

In Ancient Greece, it's time for Spartan High School Musical, a jester breaks bad news to Henry VIII using armpit raspberries, learn how to stay fit with the Caveman Workout, and Roman emperor Nero stars in a (not very) romantic movie.


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