Browse content similar to Episode 12. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishments from ancient times | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
# Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories, we do that | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
# And your host, a talking rat | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to... | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
# Horrible Histories! # | 0:00:27 | 0:00:32 | |
Us cavemen had lots of unusual traditions. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:40 | |
You wouldn't believe some of them if you saw them today. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
-THUMP -Ow! Who did that? | 0:00:43 | 0:00:46 | |
DI Bones, Historical Crime Squad. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
Deceased is a male, Stone Age cave-dweller, early 30s. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:03 | |
Cause of death, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven... | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
17 arrows fired directly into the chest. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
Oh! | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
Oh, no, no, sorry. Sorry, that was us. We did that when we found him. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:16 | |
You fired 17 arrows into the corpse of your loved one? | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
It's just an old Stone Age mark of respect. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
OK, well, we'll ignore the arrows. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
Erm... Oh. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
Probable cause of death is the victim having his head sliced open | 0:01:26 | 0:01:31 | |
and his brains removed. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
Ooh... Oh, no, sorry. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
-Sorry, we did that too. -You sliced his head open and removed his brains? | 0:01:36 | 0:01:40 | |
Just our little tribute. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
Another Stone Age ritual for the dead. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
Also present, a piece of raw, rotting meat. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:49 | |
-Could be poisoned. -Sorry. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
We left that for him as well. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
It's to keep him going in the afterlife till he catches some food. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
Never mind the afterlife. I'm trying to work out what sent him there. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
Aha! | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
Traces of a suspect red powder. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:05 | |
Yeah, that'd be make-up. Us again. Sorry. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
We wanted him to look his best. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:10 | |
Well, he looks great with 17 arrows poking out of his chest | 0:02:10 | 0:02:13 | |
-and half his head lopped off. -It's what he would've wanted. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:17 | |
-The dead dog was you as well? -We thought he might | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
get lonely in the afterlife. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
And, er, what's the big bear for? | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
Oh, no, no, that wasn't us. That's what killed him. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
ROARING | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
Ah. Cause of death was the big... | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
big bear! Big bear! | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
Big bear! | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
Ha-ha! Do you know, it's true? | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
Some cavemen did slice open dead people's heads to remove the brains. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:43 | |
They may have even cooked and eaten them, too! Mmm. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
Here's a brain I prepared earlier. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
As you can see, it's from a PE teacher. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
He-he-he! | 0:02:50 | 0:02:52 | |
Lots of what we know about Stone Age people | 0:02:52 | 0:02:55 | |
comes from what's been found in burial pits like that one, | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
and also from prehistoric cave paintings. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
Hello and welcome to the Caveman Art Show. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
-I'm Ugg and this is Grunt. -Grunt. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
Today we're showing you how to paint like a caveman. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
Grunt's already made a start with his picture, | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
Let's have a look and see how he's doing. Come on. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
-Grunt paint picture. -That's a lovely prehistoric picture, Grunt. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:26 | |
-And who are these two fellows here? -Grunt. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
-That's you, is it? -Grung. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
That's Grung. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
-Dead. -Grung's dead. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
-And who's this chap here, being chased by the mammoth? -That Ugg. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:39 | |
Ugh, ugh, scoff, scoff. Ugh, ugh, | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
-ugh, ugh. -Excuse me, what? What? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
You know I'm sensitive about my weight. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
-Sorry. -There's a line. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
I just got carried away. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
I'm also going to show you an ancient caveman painting technique. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:55 | |
For this, you're going to have to make your own paint. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
Now, what I like to use is iron minerals, like these. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
Now we take our minerals, put them into our pot... | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
and you need to mix them with a certain kind of liquid. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
Personally, I think blood works best. Grunt, I need some blood. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:14 | |
Don't be silly, I'm not going to use your blood. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
Just pass us the blood we've already got. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
Idiot. Now, I'm just going to pour some of this in the pot... | 0:04:22 | 0:04:26 | |
and mix it together, to make a paint. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:30 | |
Once you've done that, you'll need a bone. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
Grunt, I need a bone. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
The one we've already got. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:36 | |
You thought I was going to hit you, didn't you? | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
Well, I am. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
Once you've got your bone, you need to get all the marrow out | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
from the inside, so it makes a hollow tube, like this. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
Then you take your bone tube and stick it in your paint | 0:04:47 | 0:04:51 | |
and you suck it up. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
OK, carry on. Make sure you suck gently. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:02 | |
You don't want the paint going into your mouth, do you, Grunt? | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
No. Once you've got paint in your bone tube, | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
go over to the wall and place your hand on the wall. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:12 | |
Then you can blow the paint all over your hand. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
Then, when you take your hand away, it makes a lovely handprint, like so. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:19 | |
Ha-ha! Grunt paint hand. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
-Well done, Grunt. -Grunt do foot. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
I don't think you should do that, Grunt. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
No, I don't think that's a good idea. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
Urgh! Ugh, ugh. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
Oh, where's the...where's the door? | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
See you all next week. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
During World War II, there could be spies anywhere. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:46 | |
You had to watch what you said, and what you wrote. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:50 | |
So, to pass on secret messages, the Army had to use secret codes. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:55 | |
So my idea is, we write everything backwards, and so to the enemy | 0:05:55 | 0:05:59 | |
it looks like complete gobbledegook. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
It's brilliant. For example, if we were to write the word "eye", | 0:06:01 | 0:06:04 | |
we would do it backwards, like so. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
Eye. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
Oh. Bad example. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
If we were writing the word "madam", we'd do it backwards, like this. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:17 | |
A, D, | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
A, M. Ma... Oh. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
Erm, if we were writing the word "race car", then we'd spell it | 0:06:22 | 0:06:26 | |
backwards, which would be... | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
I think it's back to the drawing board with that one, | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
-old bean. -Yes, perhaps you're right. I tell you, this secret code lark | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
is a darn tricky business. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
Isn't it, just? | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
-Well, thanks for nothing! -My word! | 0:06:41 | 0:06:45 | |
Agent Saunders? We thought you were in that prison camp at Drancy. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:49 | |
No, I escaped. No thanks to you idiots. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:52 | |
-Steady on now, chap. -Steady on? | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
I just crossed the whole of occupied France with no money and no map. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:58 | |
Did you even get my letter? | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
Some time ago. I'm afraid it didn't make a great deal of sense. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
Well, I used Sergeant Hall's code, just like you said. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
Escape planned, January 2nd, send map and money. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:10 | |
You just read every word after the punctuation, just like we discussed. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:14 | |
-Ah, every word after the punctuation. -See, and we were reading every word | 0:07:14 | 0:07:18 | |
BEFORE the punctuation. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:19 | |
"Please prepare the old goat for wedding." | 0:07:19 | 0:07:23 | |
-Why on earth would I say that? -Well, we were rather confused. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:27 | |
As was the goat. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:28 | |
GOAT BLEATS | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
So, it turns you're better at this secret code lark than we are. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:35 | |
Would help us with this one? | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
Ah, yes, now we got this letter | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
from Agent Blenkinsopp three weeks ago. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
We've been unable to work out which code he's using. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
Trapped in Paris, please send help. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:47 | |
Now, what is he trying to tell us? | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
There's a message in there somewhere. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
Oh! | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
I'm going for a bath. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:55 | |
Do you actually think he's trapped in Paris, do you? | 0:07:55 | 0:07:58 | |
Where's Paris? | 0:07:58 | 0:07:59 | |
True or false? | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
Spies in World War II sometimes used wee to write letters? It's... | 0:08:02 | 0:08:08 | |
True! It worked like invisible ink. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
When the paper was heated, the wee writing became visible. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
Yes, British spies had lots of cunning devices | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
and all the gadgets you're about to see really were used in World War II. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:21 | |
Psst. Are you Agent Sophie? | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
Yes, I am she. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
Agent Sophie, welcome to France. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
I am Claude, your contact in the Resistance. I understand you | 0:08:33 | 0:08:37 | |
-have some instructions? -Yes, they're in my suitcase. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
-Here you go. -Er, wait a minute. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
You come all the way to German-occupied France | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
to tell me to wash and to brush my teeth? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
No, of course not. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Although... | 0:08:51 | 0:08:52 | |
The secret instructions are hidden inside the soap and the toothpaste. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:56 | |
-They're written on silk. -Oh, this is very clever. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
If the Germans search your suitcase they won't find anything. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:02 | |
-Ha-ha! Ingenious. -We thought so. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
So tell me, what do you have hidden inside these things? | 0:09:04 | 0:09:08 | |
The hairbrush contains some spare money and the chess set | 0:09:08 | 0:09:11 | |
has a map of France hidden in it - in case I lose my way. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
Amazing! You British secret agents have so many things | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
hidden inside other things. It is wonderful. Oh, | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
I see you also have brought some dinner and what's this? | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
Ooh la la, a bottle of wine. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
Oh, no, no, no. Be careful with that. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
The bottle is actually a bomb. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:28 | |
Of course it is. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
I should have guessed. Next you'll be telling me | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
that you have hidden a machine gun inside this fish. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
Yes. Is it that obvious? | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
I'll have to tell the boffins in London to work on that. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
They are geniuses. They've even made mines that look | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
-just like animal poo. -Aah... | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
So you are telling me | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
that this cowpat is actually a landmine? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
Ooh, it even smells like the real thing. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:55 | |
No, no, no. That is an actual cowpat. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
I didn't bring that with me. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
Will you pass me the soap, please? | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
We Romans loved to watch gory gladiators. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:19 | |
Some fought with a net and trident, some with a spear and a shield, | 0:10:19 | 0:10:23 | |
others with two swords. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
And then there were the gladiators who fought with... | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
ha-ha! Well, just watch this. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:32 | |
I want you to go out there and wipe the floor with him. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
You want me to wipe the floor with him? | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
Not literally. That's going to take ages and look silly. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
But go out there and show him who's boss. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
-Show him who's boss? Right, I'm... -No, don't try and give him a job. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
-Go out there and give him a good licking. -You want me to lick him? | 0:10:46 | 0:10:50 | |
-Go out there and kill him, you big lug! -Kill him! Yeah! | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
-Yeah! Now, are you ready? -Yes. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:56 | |
No, oi! No, no, no. Are you ready? | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
Yeeeesss! | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
There's your sword, your shield | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
and there's your blindfold. Now, go and get him. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
Come on... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Blindfold? | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
Well, you're an Andabatae now. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:08 | |
That's a very special sort of gladiator. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
They fight with a sword, a shield and a blindfold. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
Can I not just have a sword and a shield and then... | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
-That'd make you a Secutores. -I'd like to be one of those. -Problem is, | 0:11:16 | 0:11:20 | |
they've already announced you as an Andabatae, so it's a bit awkward. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:25 | |
Your opponent's an Andabatae as well, he'll be wearing a blindfold. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
That's fair enough then. I'll cut him to pieces - if I can find him. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:32 | |
-Ha-ha! -Ha-ha... Well, go on, then. Give him hell. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
Yeah! Come on, then! | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
Wait, left a bit. There you go. Ooh. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
Left a bit. Left a bit. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
Little bit more. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:46 | |
Get... Oh, not as far as... Oh... | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
Oh! I do not want to see that. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
Anyone got a blindfold? | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
That's 100% accu-rat. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
Andabatae were blindfolded | 0:11:57 | 0:11:58 | |
and pushed towards each other by people with sticks. That's right... | 0:11:58 | 0:12:03 | |
'Scuse me! | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
..until one of them managed to kill their opponent, wherever they were. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:09 | |
The worst thing about it? It was winner stays on. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
Yeah. And there were even sillier ways to die in Roman times. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths they're funny cos they're true | 0:12:19 | 0:12:24 | |
# Whoo! Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:12:24 | 0:12:27 | |
# Hope next time it's not you! Hey-hee # | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Next! | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
Hello, I'm Diodorus, | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
erm...the Hunchback. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
You don't look much like a hunchback. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
Oh, yes - that's why I'm here. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:41 | |
Ooh! Interesting. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
I'm all ears. Entertain me. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
Well, I'd been a hunchback for years, so I'd given up all hope of any cure, | 0:12:47 | 0:12:51 | |
but then I met Doctor Socles, and he's a Greek medical expert | 0:12:51 | 0:12:55 | |
and he said that he could fix my crooked spine. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:58 | |
Ooh! This sounds like it's going to be good. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
He told me to lie on my stomach, and hold my breath and close my eyes. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:06 | |
And then he put three massive stones on my back. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
-And? -And when I opened my eyes... I was cured! | 0:13:09 | 0:13:13 | |
-Oh, dear. -But unfortunately I was also dead. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
Hooray! | 0:13:16 | 0:13:19 | |
-Squished by Doctor Socles' stones. They'd crushed my spine. -Ha-ha-ha! | 0:13:19 | 0:13:24 | |
That's hilarious. Ooh - have you met my flatmate, Diodorus(?) | 0:13:24 | 0:13:29 | |
Flatmate, get it? Ha-ha-ha-ha. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
-Oh, dear. You're through to the afterlife. -Oh, thank you. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:36 | |
-Argh... Ow. -Off you pop. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
Do you know, I love my job sometimes. I do, I really do. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:43 | |
Next! | 0:13:43 | 0:13:44 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
# Hope next time it's not you! Hoo-hoo # | 0:13:47 | 0:13:50 | |
Ow, my head. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
Do you suffer from headaches?! | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
Yes, I do, and you're not helping. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
(Do you suffer from headaches?) | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
That's better. Yes, yes, I do. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:03 | |
-Need something fast and effective to relieve the pain? -Yes, I do. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:08 | |
Then why not try the latest Saxon cure - | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
Bag-o-Swallow-Chick-Stomach-Stones. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
Yes... | 0:14:13 | 0:14:14 | |
It's simple. Just find a couple of swallow chicks, | 0:14:16 | 0:14:20 | |
cut them open, and look for little stones in their stomach. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
Argh, this is disgusting. Now what? | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
Obvious. Just sew them into a little bag, and pop it on your head. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:33 | |
-Are you sure about this? -Sure, I'm sure. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
Just keep the bag on till the headache's gone. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:40 | |
And no sudden movements, or the bag may fall off. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
Vikings are coming! | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
Run for your life! | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
-Er, the Vikings are coming. -It'll even cure people plagued by goblins. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:54 | |
Yes, but they will cure Vikings? | 0:14:54 | 0:14:56 | |
No. Run away! | 0:14:59 | 0:15:00 | |
Argh! Argh! | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
I've still got my headache, you know. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
-Soon you won't have a head TO ache! -Argh! | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
The answer is... | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
..baked dry and rubbed into a powder. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
And if you think THAT'S weird, Saxons also believed | 0:15:27 | 0:15:30 | |
having a pig on your battle helmet would bring you good luck. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
Helmets... Get your shiny helmets. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:37 | |
All right, mate. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:38 | |
I'd like a refund for this helmet you sold me. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
What seems to be the problem? | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
I bought it because it's got a pig on the top... | 0:15:42 | 0:15:44 | |
Well, it's a very popular choice. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
Pig is a favourite animal of our Saxon god, Frey. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
But you assured me this helmet would bring me good luck. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
-Yeah, well it does. -Yeah? Well, explain this... | 0:15:52 | 0:15:56 | |
Oh. Oh, that IS nasty. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
Tell you what, I'll get you a refund. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
Where did he go? | 0:16:05 | 0:16:06 | |
HE FARTS | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
The word Wednesday's named after Woden, the chief Saxon god. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:28 | |
He's also the god of poets. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
Now, here's something odd. | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
He owned a horse with eight legs and wings so it flew. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
The weather forecast for tomorrow - downpours of horse poo. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:39 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
In 1520, King Henry VIII of England met Francis I of France | 0:16:45 | 0:16:50 | |
in a celebration of peace between the two countries. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
What could possibly go wrong? | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
Welcome to Horrible Histories World Wrestling! | 0:16:56 | 0:17:01 | |
We are ringside at the Field of the Cloth of Gold, in 1520 AD. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:06 | |
Two of the greatest Tudor monarchs go head to head, King versus King, | 0:17:06 | 0:17:11 | |
in a really royal rumble. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
So let's meet the wrestlers. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
King Francis I of France, King of bling. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
He may not be big, but he's fast, and he sure is pretty. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
Pardon... Is zere going to be a fight? | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
It was my understanding zat we were all 'ere to celebrate ze peace | 0:17:24 | 0:17:27 | |
between our two great nations - with ze music, art, dancing... | 0:17:27 | 0:17:31 | |
And fighting! | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
OK. Er, normally I have soldiers to do zat sort of thing for me... | 0:17:33 | 0:17:37 | |
Well, not today. Because you're going one on one with Henry VIII, | 0:17:37 | 0:17:41 | |
reigning King of England! | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
He's six foot two inches, a little over 120 kilos, | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
and not all of it muscle. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
Oi! I heard that. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
And if you think Henry's stats are impressive, just check out his tent | 0:17:51 | 0:17:54 | |
for the event. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:55 | |
It's as big as a palace. 100 metres long, 100 metres wide. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
It's got its own chapel, 35 priests, and two fountains flowing with wine. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:03 | |
I've been fighting all my life - but THIS is the big one. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:08 | |
I am going to take you down. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
I am going to tear you apart. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:12 | |
I'm going to rip your legs off. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
Is zis really necessary? | 0:18:14 | 0:18:16 | |
Aren't we meant to be celebrating | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
ze long, historic friendship between our two peoples? | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
What better way to celebrate the peace than with a fight? | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
Well, the tension here is almost unbearable. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
-BELL RINGS -And here we go, | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
for the biggest, longest, | 0:18:29 | 0:18:30 | |
most gruelling wrestling match in history! | 0:18:30 | 0:18:34 | |
It's all over. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:36 | |
Alors! Who's for some art, | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
music and dancing? | 0:18:38 | 0:18:41 | |
Best of three. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:42 | |
Bon! | 0:18:46 | 0:18:47 | |
It's true. Francis I beat Henry by tripping him up. Ha! | 0:18:47 | 0:18:52 | |
Henry was a really bad loser. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:54 | |
He always liked to get his own way, did Henry. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
So, just imagine how well it went down when the Pope told him | 0:18:56 | 0:19:00 | |
he couldn't get a divorce. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:01 | |
Ooh... I'm imagining it. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
I'm imagining it. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
I'm imagining it! | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
KING HENRY MUTTERS TO HIMSELF | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
Er... | 0:19:12 | 0:19:13 | |
Oh, yes! | 0:19:14 | 0:19:16 | |
Yes, I'm still a handsome devil. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:18 | |
Oh, what's this? | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
Could it be that my dear wife Catherine has given birth? | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
Oh, she has. Please be a boy. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:26 | |
Please be a boy, please be a boy... | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
Oh, no! Oh, no... | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
Why has God forsaken me with only lady babies? | 0:19:32 | 0:19:36 | |
No. I must have a male heir. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:40 | |
A queen on the English throne would be disastrous. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:42 | |
I mean, girls are too silly to rule countries. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:45 | |
This is all my wife's fault. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:46 | |
I'm going to divorce her. No, worse - I'm going to drop her | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
from my top eight on Yebo, and THEN I'm going to divorce her. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:54 | |
Yes! See how she likes that. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
There we go. Take that, you... | 0:19:57 | 0:20:00 | |
Oh, no. That's put the King of France in my top eight. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
And he's an idiot. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
Right. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:06 | |
I'm going to have to completely rearrange my friends list now. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
Huh? Oh... | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
The Pope. What does he want? | 0:20:11 | 0:20:14 | |
Ah, your Holiness. Hello to you. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:19 | |
I thought you were languishing | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
in a rat-infested Spanish dungeon? Ha-ha-ha. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
I am. But it has excellent wi-fi coverage. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:28 | |
Henry, is it true? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
You dropped the Queen from your top eight on Yebo? | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
Yes, it's true. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
-She bore me the wrong kind of baby. I specifically asked for a boy. -Mmm. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:42 | |
So I'd like to divorce her, if that's OK with you. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:45 | |
What? No! No. Absolutely not. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:48 | |
Well, it's too late. I'm looking on tudorbrides.com as we speak. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:54 | |
-Henry, now listen to me... -Here we go. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
Here's one. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
Anne Boleyn. "Protestant lady | 0:20:58 | 0:21:01 | |
"seeks rich, ennobled husband for good times | 0:21:01 | 0:21:06 | |
"and lots of male heirs. Likes beards." | 0:21:06 | 0:21:09 | |
Well, I must marry her right away. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:13 | |
Henry, the Catholic Church | 0:21:13 | 0:21:14 | |
unremittingly refuses your request for a divorce. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:18 | |
Oh, really? Well, I'm just going to set up my OWN church | 0:21:18 | 0:21:22 | |
if you're going to be like that. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:24 | |
You cannot set up your own church! You need scriptures, and a dogma. | 0:21:24 | 0:21:29 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:21:29 | 0:21:30 | |
That is... | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
HE YAWNS ..SO 1529. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
You can do it all online now. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:37 | |
Yep. There we go. HE CHUCKLES | 0:21:37 | 0:21:40 | |
Church of Henry... | 0:21:40 | 0:21:42 | |
Yes, that's it. Oh, it's gone. No... | 0:21:42 | 0:21:45 | |
Henry. I implore you. | 0:21:45 | 0:21:47 | |
Please, think of the... think of the implications, | 0:21:47 | 0:21:50 | |
the damage it will cause, Henry. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:52 | |
Church of England? Yep, that'll do. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:55 | |
HENRY CHUCKLES | 0:21:55 | 0:21:56 | |
Henry, please. Listen to me. I'm the Pope! | 0:21:56 | 0:21:59 | |
Henry! Henry...! | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
Sorry, your Holiness. Time to go, | 0:22:02 | 0:22:03 | |
e-mail just popped in. It might be from Anne Boleyn. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:06 | |
See you later. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
Oh, what does this idiot want?! | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
King of France indeed. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:17 | |
Oh, he's sent me a virus. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:19 | |
Very clever. Well done. Yeah. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
Idiot. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:23 | |
We Incas were discovered in South America in the 1500s | 0:22:27 | 0:22:32 | |
by Spanish explorers, | 0:22:32 | 0:22:34 | |
and it turned out they were after more than just our friendship... | 0:22:34 | 0:22:38 | |
Hola. Welcome to Very Rough Guides. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
It's 1526, and I am Spanish explorer Francisco Pizarro. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:49 | |
This is my right hand man, Pedro. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
-Hola. -Today's programme is all about visiting Peru. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:54 | |
-And stealing all their gold. -Pedro, please. Uh? | 0:22:54 | 0:22:57 | |
-Don't talk about stealing the gold, OK? -Sorry, boss. | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
The journey here was very simple. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:03 | |
All we had to do was sail 5,000 miles from Spain to Panama, | 0:23:03 | 0:23:07 | |
travel overland through the dense jungle, | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
then build a whole new boat and sail down the coast to Peru. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
It only took us two-and-a-half years! | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
Easy-peasy, squeeze the lemon. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
And now we are going to meet some local Incas, see how they live | 0:23:16 | 0:23:20 | |
-and find out about their magnificent culture. -And steal their gold. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:23 | |
Pedro, please! Don't mention stealing the gold, OK? | 0:23:23 | 0:23:25 | |
'When we met them, the local Incas couldn't have been more welcoming.' | 0:23:29 | 0:23:32 | |
-Children of the sun. -Oh, yeah! | 0:23:32 | 0:23:35 | |
-Hello! -Welcome! | 0:23:35 | 0:23:37 | |
'They thought we were sun gods | 0:23:37 | 0:23:38 | |
'because the sun reflected off our steel armour.' | 0:23:38 | 0:23:41 | |
Why not take us sun gods | 0:23:41 | 0:23:43 | |
to see all your lovely gold - so we can steal it. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:46 | |
Pedro, I told you not to mention the gold, OK? What is wrong with you? | 0:23:46 | 0:23:50 | |
Do you want to pop in? | 0:23:50 | 0:23:51 | |
Follow us. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
'The Incans have some very unusual attitudes to wealth.' | 0:23:58 | 0:24:02 | |
I'm an Incan Chief. I'm very rich. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:06 | |
Wonderful. How very rich, exactly? | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
Very rich. I have many wives, many children, many grandchildren... | 0:24:08 | 0:24:14 | |
-What about gold? -Pedro, please. -Yes, we've got lots of gold - | 0:24:14 | 0:24:17 | |
but I don't see what that's got to do with being rich. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
Oh, nothing at all. Don't worry about it. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:23 | |
OK. No, I... | 0:24:24 | 0:24:25 | |
It's brilliant. In Peru, there is so much gold | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
the Incans don't really value it. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
For them, your family and followers | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
are your real riches, uh? | 0:24:34 | 0:24:36 | |
(No, no, don't...) | 0:24:36 | 0:24:37 | |
OK. Gold is worthless. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:40 | |
OK, we're going to go now. So, bye. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
-Bye-bye! -Nice to meet you. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:44 | |
-Ta-ta. -OK... | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
Walk, don't run. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
Well, they seem very nice. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:49 | |
'I really recommend a visit to Peru. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
'My first trip has only cost me 100,000 pesos,' | 0:24:52 | 0:24:54 | |
but next time, I will bring extra troops and I will make millions, uh? | 0:24:54 | 0:24:58 | |
-From stealing all their gold. -Ssshhh! | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
-What? Don't you push me. -Yeah, but you said... | 0:25:00 | 0:25:03 | |
What? It's OK now. Uh? | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
Do you see Incans around? No. What is wrong with you all the time? | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Why do you push me... | 0:25:08 | 0:25:09 | |
Pizarro grew up in Spain | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
as a poor boy whose job it was to look after the pigs. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:17 | |
It's said that his parents ran away and left him, | 0:25:17 | 0:25:20 | |
and he was brought up by a sow. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:21 | |
Imagine that! | 0:25:21 | 0:25:23 | |
"Eh, Pizarro - your room looks like a pigsty. | 0:25:23 | 0:25:27 | |
-"Well done, son!" -HE OINKS | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
But it wasn't just the Spaniards who were ruthless. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:34 | |
So were some of the Incas. | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
And now on Horrible Histories, a music video exclusive. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:40 | |
It's the Incan Lord Pachacuti, with The Pachacuti Song. | 0:25:40 | 0:25:44 | |
GROOVY MUSIC | 0:25:44 | 0:25:45 | |
# I'm Pachacuti, the Incan Lord | 0:25:50 | 0:25:53 | |
# All other tribes dread it | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
# My name means "He who shakes the Earth" | 0:25:56 | 0:25:59 | |
# Not that I'm big-headed | 0:25:59 | 0:26:01 | |
# When it comes to claiming nearby lands | 0:26:03 | 0:26:05 | |
# I was the type to risk it | 0:26:05 | 0:26:08 | |
# But it's how I treat dead enemies | 0:26:08 | 0:26:12 | |
# That really took the biscuit | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
# Do the Pachacuti | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
# Do the Pachacuti | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
# Do the Pachacuti | 0:26:23 | 0:26:24 | |
# Pachacuti! | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK | 0:26:28 | 0:26:29 | |
# Once on a hillside, my troops hid | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
# To cause a rife old strife | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
# And when they jumped out it looked like | 0:26:39 | 0:26:43 | |
# The ground had come to life | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
Boo! | 0:26:45 | 0:26:46 | |
# The rocks, they are my warriors | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
# I then used to boast | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
# And that little lie helped us win wars | 0:26:52 | 0:26:55 | |
# But violence helped the most | 0:26:55 | 0:26:58 | |
# Do the Pachacuti | 0:27:00 | 0:27:01 | |
# Do the Pachacuti | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
# Do the Pachacuti | 0:27:06 | 0:27:08 | |
# Pachacuti! | 0:27:09 | 0:27:11 | |
# If you were a rival chief | 0:27:11 | 0:27:14 | |
# We'd kill you first, and then | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
# We'd stuff you like a scarecrow | 0:27:16 | 0:27:20 | |
# But one for scaring men | 0:27:20 | 0:27:22 | |
Argh! | 0:27:22 | 0:27:23 | |
# Then we'd rest your bony fingers on | 0:27:23 | 0:27:26 | |
# The stretched skin of your belly | 0:27:26 | 0:27:28 | |
# And in the breeze they'd tap that tum | 0:27:29 | 0:27:32 | |
# Like a drummer - but more smelly | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
# Do the Pachacuti | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
# Do the Pachacuti | 0:27:40 | 0:27:41 | |
# Do the Pachacuti | 0:27:43 | 0:27:44 | |
# Pachacuti! # | 0:27:47 | 0:27:49 | |
Want to travel through the time sewers with me? | 0:27:52 | 0:27:55 | |
Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures! | 0:27:55 | 0:27:58 | |
Go to the CBBC website, and click on Horrible Histories. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:02 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:28:02 | 0:28:04 |