Episode 12 Horrible Histories


Episode 12

Historical sketch show. How to paint like a caveman, World War II codebreakers forget their own code, and Henry VIII challenges the King of France to a smackdown!


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Transcript


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# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

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# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights

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# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

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# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishments from ancient times

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# Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless

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# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages

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# Gory stories, we do that

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# And your host, a talking rat

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# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...

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# Horrible Histories! #

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Us cavemen had lots of unusual traditions.

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You wouldn't believe some of them if you saw them today.

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-THUMP

-Ow! Who did that?

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DI Bones, Historical Crime Squad.

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Deceased is a male, Stone Age cave-dweller, early 30s.

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Cause of death, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

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17 arrows fired directly into the chest.

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Oh!

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Oh, no, no, sorry. Sorry, that was us. We did that when we found him.

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You fired 17 arrows into the corpse of your loved one?

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It's just an old Stone Age mark of respect.

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OK, well, we'll ignore the arrows.

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Erm... Oh.

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Probable cause of death is the victim having his head sliced open

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and his brains removed.

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Ooh... Oh, no, sorry.

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-Sorry, we did that too.

-You sliced his head open and removed his brains?

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Just our little tribute.

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Another Stone Age ritual for the dead.

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Also present, a piece of raw, rotting meat.

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-Could be poisoned.

-Sorry.

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We left that for him as well.

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It's to keep him going in the afterlife till he catches some food.

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Never mind the afterlife. I'm trying to work out what sent him there.

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Aha!

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Traces of a suspect red powder.

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Yeah, that'd be make-up. Us again. Sorry.

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We wanted him to look his best.

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Well, he looks great with 17 arrows poking out of his chest

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-and half his head lopped off.

-It's what he would've wanted.

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-The dead dog was you as well?

-We thought he might

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get lonely in the afterlife.

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And, er, what's the big bear for?

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Oh, no, no, that wasn't us. That's what killed him.

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ROARING

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Ah. Cause of death was the big...

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big bear! Big bear!

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Big bear!

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Ha-ha! Do you know, it's true?

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Some cavemen did slice open dead people's heads to remove the brains.

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They may have even cooked and eaten them, too! Mmm.

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Here's a brain I prepared earlier.

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As you can see, it's from a PE teacher.

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He-he-he!

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Lots of what we know about Stone Age people

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comes from what's been found in burial pits like that one,

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and also from prehistoric cave paintings.

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Hello and welcome to the Caveman Art Show.

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-I'm Ugg and this is Grunt.

-Grunt.

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Today we're showing you how to paint like a caveman.

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Grunt's already made a start with his picture,

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Let's have a look and see how he's doing. Come on.

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-Grunt paint picture.

-That's a lovely prehistoric picture, Grunt.

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-And who are these two fellows here?

-Grunt.

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-That's you, is it?

-Grung.

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That's Grung.

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-Dead.

-Grung's dead.

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-And who's this chap here, being chased by the mammoth?

-That Ugg.

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Ugh, ugh, scoff, scoff. Ugh, ugh,

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-ugh, ugh.

-Excuse me, what? What?

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You know I'm sensitive about my weight.

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-Sorry.

-There's a line.

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I just got carried away.

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I'm also going to show you an ancient caveman painting technique.

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For this, you're going to have to make your own paint.

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Now, what I like to use is iron minerals, like these.

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Now we take our minerals, put them into our pot...

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and you need to mix them with a certain kind of liquid.

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Personally, I think blood works best. Grunt, I need some blood.

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Don't be silly, I'm not going to use your blood.

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Just pass us the blood we've already got.

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Idiot. Now, I'm just going to pour some of this in the pot...

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and mix it together, to make a paint.

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Once you've done that, you'll need a bone.

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Grunt, I need a bone.

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The one we've already got.

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You thought I was going to hit you, didn't you?

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Well, I am.

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Once you've got your bone, you need to get all the marrow out

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from the inside, so it makes a hollow tube, like this.

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Then you take your bone tube and stick it in your paint

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and you suck it up.

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HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

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OK, carry on. Make sure you suck gently.

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You don't want the paint going into your mouth, do you, Grunt?

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No. Once you've got paint in your bone tube,

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go over to the wall and place your hand on the wall.

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Then you can blow the paint all over your hand.

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Then, when you take your hand away, it makes a lovely handprint, like so.

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Ha-ha! Grunt paint hand.

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-Well done, Grunt.

-Grunt do foot.

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I don't think you should do that, Grunt.

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No, I don't think that's a good idea.

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Urgh! Ugh, ugh.

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Oh, where's the...where's the door?

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See you all next week.

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During World War II, there could be spies anywhere.

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You had to watch what you said, and what you wrote.

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So, to pass on secret messages, the Army had to use secret codes.

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So my idea is, we write everything backwards, and so to the enemy

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it looks like complete gobbledegook.

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It's brilliant. For example, if we were to write the word "eye",

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we would do it backwards, like so.

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Eye.

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Oh. Bad example.

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If we were writing the word "madam", we'd do it backwards, like this.

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A, D,

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A, M. Ma... Oh.

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Erm, if we were writing the word "race car", then we'd spell it

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backwards, which would be...

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I think it's back to the drawing board with that one,

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-old bean.

-Yes, perhaps you're right. I tell you, this secret code lark

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is a darn tricky business.

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Isn't it, just?

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-Well, thanks for nothing!

-My word!

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Agent Saunders? We thought you were in that prison camp at Drancy.

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No, I escaped. No thanks to you idiots.

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-Steady on now, chap.

-Steady on?

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I just crossed the whole of occupied France with no money and no map.

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Did you even get my letter?

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Some time ago. I'm afraid it didn't make a great deal of sense.

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Well, I used Sergeant Hall's code, just like you said.

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Escape planned, January 2nd, send map and money.

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You just read every word after the punctuation, just like we discussed.

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-Ah, every word after the punctuation.

-See, and we were reading every word

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BEFORE the punctuation.

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"Please prepare the old goat for wedding."

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-Why on earth would I say that?

-Well, we were rather confused.

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As was the goat.

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GOAT BLEATS

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So, it turns you're better at this secret code lark than we are.

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Would help us with this one?

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Ah, yes, now we got this letter

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from Agent Blenkinsopp three weeks ago.

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We've been unable to work out which code he's using.

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Trapped in Paris, please send help.

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Now, what is he trying to tell us?

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There's a message in there somewhere.

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Oh!

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I'm going for a bath.

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Do you actually think he's trapped in Paris, do you?

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Where's Paris?

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True or false?

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Spies in World War II sometimes used wee to write letters? It's...

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True! It worked like invisible ink.

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When the paper was heated, the wee writing became visible.

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Yes, British spies had lots of cunning devices

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and all the gadgets you're about to see really were used in World War II.

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Psst. Are you Agent Sophie?

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Yes, I am she.

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Agent Sophie, welcome to France.

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I am Claude, your contact in the Resistance. I understand you

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-have some instructions?

-Yes, they're in my suitcase.

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-Here you go.

-Er, wait a minute.

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You come all the way to German-occupied France

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to tell me to wash and to brush my teeth?

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No, of course not.

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Although...

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The secret instructions are hidden inside the soap and the toothpaste.

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-They're written on silk.

-Oh, this is very clever.

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If the Germans search your suitcase they won't find anything.

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-Ha-ha! Ingenious.

-We thought so.

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So tell me, what do you have hidden inside these things?

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The hairbrush contains some spare money and the chess set

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has a map of France hidden in it - in case I lose my way.

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Amazing! You British secret agents have so many things

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hidden inside other things. It is wonderful. Oh,

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I see you also have brought some dinner and what's this?

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Ooh la la, a bottle of wine.

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Oh, no, no, no. Be careful with that.

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The bottle is actually a bomb.

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Of course it is.

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I should have guessed. Next you'll be telling me

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that you have hidden a machine gun inside this fish.

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Yes. Is it that obvious?

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I'll have to tell the boffins in London to work on that.

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They are geniuses. They've even made mines that look

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-just like animal poo.

-Aah...

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So you are telling me

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that this cowpat is actually a landmine?

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Ooh, it even smells like the real thing.

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No, no, no. That is an actual cowpat.

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I didn't bring that with me.

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Will you pass me the soap, please?

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We Romans loved to watch gory gladiators.

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Some fought with a net and trident, some with a spear and a shield,

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others with two swords.

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And then there were the gladiators who fought with...

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ha-ha! Well, just watch this.

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I want you to go out there and wipe the floor with him.

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You want me to wipe the floor with him?

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Not literally. That's going to take ages and look silly.

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But go out there and show him who's boss.

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-Show him who's boss? Right, I'm...

-No, don't try and give him a job.

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-Go out there and give him a good licking.

-You want me to lick him?

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-Go out there and kill him, you big lug!

-Kill him! Yeah!

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-Yeah! Now, are you ready?

-Yes.

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No, oi! No, no, no. Are you ready?

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Yeeeesss!

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There's your sword, your shield

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and there's your blindfold. Now, go and get him.

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Come on... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Blindfold?

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Well, you're an Andabatae now.

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That's a very special sort of gladiator.

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They fight with a sword, a shield and a blindfold.

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Can I not just have a sword and a shield and then...

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-That'd make you a Secutores.

-I'd like to be one of those.

-Problem is,

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they've already announced you as an Andabatae, so it's a bit awkward.

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Your opponent's an Andabatae as well, he'll be wearing a blindfold.

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That's fair enough then. I'll cut him to pieces - if I can find him.

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-Ha-ha!

-Ha-ha... Well, go on, then. Give him hell.

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Yeah! Come on, then!

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Wait, left a bit. There you go. Ooh.

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Left a bit. Left a bit.

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Little bit more.

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Get... Oh, not as far as... Oh...

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Oh! I do not want to see that.

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Anyone got a blindfold?

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That's 100% accu-rat.

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Andabatae were blindfolded

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and pushed towards each other by people with sticks. That's right...

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'Scuse me!

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..until one of them managed to kill their opponent, wherever they were.

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The worst thing about it? It was winner stays on.

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Yeah. And there were even sillier ways to die in Roman times.

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths they're funny cos they're true

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# Whoo! Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

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# Hope next time it's not you! Hey-hee #

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Next!

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Hello, I'm Diodorus,

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erm...the Hunchback.

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You don't look much like a hunchback.

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Oh, yes - that's why I'm here.

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Ooh! Interesting.

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I'm all ears. Entertain me.

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Well, I'd been a hunchback for years, so I'd given up all hope of any cure,

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but then I met Doctor Socles, and he's a Greek medical expert

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and he said that he could fix my crooked spine.

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Ooh! This sounds like it's going to be good.

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He told me to lie on my stomach, and hold my breath and close my eyes.

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And then he put three massive stones on my back.

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-And?

-And when I opened my eyes... I was cured!

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-Oh, dear.

-But unfortunately I was also dead.

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Hooray!

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-Squished by Doctor Socles' stones. They'd crushed my spine.

-Ha-ha-ha!

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That's hilarious. Ooh - have you met my flatmate, Diodorus(?)

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Flatmate, get it? Ha-ha-ha-ha.

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-Oh, dear. You're through to the afterlife.

-Oh, thank you.

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-Argh... Ow.

-Off you pop.

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Do you know, I love my job sometimes. I do, I really do.

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Next!

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

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# Hope next time it's not you! Hoo-hoo #

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Ow, my head.

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Do you suffer from headaches?!

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Yes, I do, and you're not helping.

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(Do you suffer from headaches?)

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That's better. Yes, yes, I do.

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-Need something fast and effective to relieve the pain?

-Yes, I do.

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Then why not try the latest Saxon cure -

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Bag-o-Swallow-Chick-Stomach-Stones.

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Yes...

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It's simple. Just find a couple of swallow chicks,

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cut them open, and look for little stones in their stomach.

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Argh, this is disgusting. Now what?

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Obvious. Just sew them into a little bag, and pop it on your head.

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-Are you sure about this?

-Sure, I'm sure.

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Just keep the bag on till the headache's gone.

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And no sudden movements, or the bag may fall off.

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Vikings are coming!

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Run for your life!

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-Er, the Vikings are coming.

-It'll even cure people plagued by goblins.

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Yes, but they will cure Vikings?

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No. Run away!

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Argh! Argh!

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I've still got my headache, you know.

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-Soon you won't have a head TO ache!

-Argh!

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The answer is...

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..baked dry and rubbed into a powder.

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And if you think THAT'S weird, Saxons also believed

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having a pig on your battle helmet would bring you good luck.

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Helmets... Get your shiny helmets.

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All right, mate.

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I'd like a refund for this helmet you sold me.

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What seems to be the problem?

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I bought it because it's got a pig on the top...

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Well, it's a very popular choice.

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Pig is a favourite animal of our Saxon god, Frey.

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But you assured me this helmet would bring me good luck.

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-Yeah, well it does.

-Yeah? Well, explain this...

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Oh. Oh, that IS nasty.

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Tell you what, I'll get you a refund.

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Where did he go?

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HE FARTS

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The word Wednesday's named after Woden, the chief Saxon god.

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He's also the god of poets.

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Now, here's something odd.

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He owned a horse with eight legs and wings so it flew.

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The weather forecast for tomorrow - downpours of horse poo.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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In 1520, King Henry VIII of England met Francis I of France

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in a celebration of peace between the two countries.

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What could possibly go wrong?

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Welcome to Horrible Histories World Wrestling!

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We are ringside at the Field of the Cloth of Gold, in 1520 AD.

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Two of the greatest Tudor monarchs go head to head, King versus King,

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in a really royal rumble.

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So let's meet the wrestlers.

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King Francis I of France, King of bling.

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He may not be big, but he's fast, and he sure is pretty.

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Pardon... Is zere going to be a fight?

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It was my understanding zat we were all 'ere to celebrate ze peace

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between our two great nations - with ze music, art, dancing...

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And fighting!

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OK. Er, normally I have soldiers to do zat sort of thing for me...

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Well, not today. Because you're going one on one with Henry VIII,

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reigning King of England!

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He's six foot two inches, a little over 120 kilos,

0:17:440:17:47

and not all of it muscle.

0:17:470:17:49

Oi! I heard that.

0:17:490:17:51

And if you think Henry's stats are impressive, just check out his tent

0:17:510:17:54

for the event.

0:17:540:17:55

It's as big as a palace. 100 metres long, 100 metres wide.

0:17:550:17:59

It's got its own chapel, 35 priests, and two fountains flowing with wine.

0:17:590:18:03

I've been fighting all my life - but THIS is the big one.

0:18:030:18:08

I am going to take you down.

0:18:080:18:10

I am going to tear you apart.

0:18:100:18:12

I'm going to rip your legs off.

0:18:120:18:14

Is zis really necessary?

0:18:140:18:16

Aren't we meant to be celebrating

0:18:160:18:18

ze long, historic friendship between our two peoples?

0:18:180:18:21

What better way to celebrate the peace than with a fight?

0:18:210:18:24

Well, the tension here is almost unbearable.

0:18:240:18:27

-BELL RINGS

-And here we go,

0:18:270:18:29

for the biggest, longest,

0:18:290:18:30

most gruelling wrestling match in history!

0:18:300:18:34

It's all over.

0:18:350:18:36

Alors! Who's for some art,

0:18:360:18:38

music and dancing?

0:18:380:18:41

Best of three.

0:18:410:18:42

Bon!

0:18:460:18:47

It's true. Francis I beat Henry by tripping him up. Ha!

0:18:470:18:52

Henry was a really bad loser.

0:18:520:18:54

He always liked to get his own way, did Henry.

0:18:540:18:56

So, just imagine how well it went down when the Pope told him

0:18:560:19:00

he couldn't get a divorce.

0:19:000:19:01

Ooh... I'm imagining it.

0:19:010:19:03

I'm imagining it.

0:19:030:19:05

I'm imagining it!

0:19:050:19:06

KING HENRY MUTTERS TO HIMSELF

0:19:070:19:09

Er...

0:19:120:19:13

Oh, yes!

0:19:140:19:16

Yes, I'm still a handsome devil.

0:19:160:19:18

Oh, what's this?

0:19:190:19:21

Could it be that my dear wife Catherine has given birth?

0:19:210:19:23

Oh, she has. Please be a boy.

0:19:230:19:26

Please be a boy, please be a boy...

0:19:260:19:29

Oh, no! Oh, no...

0:19:290:19:32

Why has God forsaken me with only lady babies?

0:19:320:19:36

No. I must have a male heir.

0:19:360:19:40

A queen on the English throne would be disastrous.

0:19:400:19:42

I mean, girls are too silly to rule countries.

0:19:420:19:45

This is all my wife's fault.

0:19:450:19:46

I'm going to divorce her. No, worse - I'm going to drop her

0:19:460:19:50

from my top eight on Yebo, and THEN I'm going to divorce her.

0:19:500:19:54

Yes! See how she likes that.

0:19:540:19:56

There we go. Take that, you...

0:19:570:20:00

Oh, no. That's put the King of France in my top eight.

0:20:000:20:03

And he's an idiot.

0:20:030:20:05

Right.

0:20:050:20:06

I'm going to have to completely rearrange my friends list now.

0:20:060:20:09

Huh? Oh...

0:20:090:20:11

The Pope. What does he want?

0:20:110:20:14

Ah, your Holiness. Hello to you.

0:20:160:20:19

I thought you were languishing

0:20:190:20:21

in a rat-infested Spanish dungeon? Ha-ha-ha.

0:20:210:20:24

I am. But it has excellent wi-fi coverage.

0:20:240:20:28

Henry, is it true?

0:20:290:20:31

You dropped the Queen from your top eight on Yebo?

0:20:310:20:34

Yes, it's true.

0:20:340:20:36

-She bore me the wrong kind of baby. I specifically asked for a boy.

-Mmm.

0:20:360:20:42

So I'd like to divorce her, if that's OK with you.

0:20:420:20:45

What? No! No. Absolutely not.

0:20:450:20:48

Well, it's too late. I'm looking on tudorbrides.com as we speak.

0:20:490:20:54

-Henry, now listen to me...

-Here we go.

0:20:540:20:56

Here's one.

0:20:560:20:58

Anne Boleyn. "Protestant lady

0:20:580:21:01

"seeks rich, ennobled husband for good times

0:21:010:21:06

"and lots of male heirs. Likes beards."

0:21:060:21:09

Well, I must marry her right away.

0:21:090:21:13

Henry, the Catholic Church

0:21:130:21:14

unremittingly refuses your request for a divorce.

0:21:140:21:18

Oh, really? Well, I'm just going to set up my OWN church

0:21:180:21:22

if you're going to be like that.

0:21:220:21:24

You cannot set up your own church! You need scriptures, and a dogma.

0:21:240:21:29

Ha-ha-ha!

0:21:290:21:30

That is...

0:21:300:21:32

HE YAWNS ..SO 1529.

0:21:320:21:34

You can do it all online now.

0:21:340:21:37

Yep. There we go. HE CHUCKLES

0:21:370:21:40

Church of Henry...

0:21:400:21:42

Yes, that's it. Oh, it's gone. No...

0:21:420:21:45

Henry. I implore you.

0:21:450:21:47

Please, think of the... think of the implications,

0:21:470:21:50

the damage it will cause, Henry.

0:21:500:21:52

Church of England? Yep, that'll do.

0:21:520:21:55

HENRY CHUCKLES

0:21:550:21:56

Henry, please. Listen to me. I'm the Pope!

0:21:560:21:59

Henry! Henry...!

0:21:590:22:02

Sorry, your Holiness. Time to go,

0:22:020:22:03

e-mail just popped in. It might be from Anne Boleyn.

0:22:030:22:06

See you later.

0:22:060:22:08

Oh, what does this idiot want?!

0:22:110:22:14

King of France indeed.

0:22:140:22:17

Oh, he's sent me a virus.

0:22:170:22:19

Very clever. Well done. Yeah.

0:22:190:22:22

Idiot.

0:22:220:22:23

We Incas were discovered in South America in the 1500s

0:22:270:22:32

by Spanish explorers,

0:22:320:22:34

and it turned out they were after more than just our friendship...

0:22:340:22:38

Hola. Welcome to Very Rough Guides.

0:22:390:22:41

It's 1526, and I am Spanish explorer Francisco Pizarro.

0:22:440:22:49

This is my right hand man, Pedro.

0:22:490:22:51

-Hola.

-Today's programme is all about visiting Peru.

0:22:510:22:54

-And stealing all their gold.

-Pedro, please. Uh?

0:22:540:22:57

-Don't talk about stealing the gold, OK?

-Sorry, boss.

0:22:570:23:00

The journey here was very simple.

0:23:010:23:03

All we had to do was sail 5,000 miles from Spain to Panama,

0:23:030:23:07

travel overland through the dense jungle,

0:23:070:23:09

then build a whole new boat and sail down the coast to Peru.

0:23:090:23:12

It only took us two-and-a-half years!

0:23:120:23:14

Easy-peasy, squeeze the lemon.

0:23:140:23:16

And now we are going to meet some local Incas, see how they live

0:23:160:23:20

-and find out about their magnificent culture.

-And steal their gold.

0:23:200:23:23

Pedro, please! Don't mention stealing the gold, OK?

0:23:230:23:25

'When we met them, the local Incas couldn't have been more welcoming.'

0:23:290:23:32

-Children of the sun.

-Oh, yeah!

0:23:320:23:35

-Hello!

-Welcome!

0:23:350:23:37

'They thought we were sun gods

0:23:370:23:38

'because the sun reflected off our steel armour.'

0:23:380:23:41

Why not take us sun gods

0:23:410:23:43

to see all your lovely gold - so we can steal it.

0:23:430:23:46

Pedro, I told you not to mention the gold, OK? What is wrong with you?

0:23:460:23:50

Do you want to pop in?

0:23:500:23:51

Follow us.

0:23:510:23:53

'The Incans have some very unusual attitudes to wealth.'

0:23:580:24:02

I'm an Incan Chief. I'm very rich.

0:24:020:24:06

Wonderful. How very rich, exactly?

0:24:060:24:08

Very rich. I have many wives, many children, many grandchildren...

0:24:080:24:14

-What about gold?

-Pedro, please.

-Yes, we've got lots of gold -

0:24:140:24:17

but I don't see what that's got to do with being rich.

0:24:170:24:20

Oh, nothing at all. Don't worry about it.

0:24:200:24:23

OK. No, I...

0:24:240:24:25

It's brilliant. In Peru, there is so much gold

0:24:280:24:30

the Incans don't really value it.

0:24:300:24:32

For them, your family and followers

0:24:320:24:34

are your real riches, uh?

0:24:340:24:36

(No, no, don't...)

0:24:360:24:37

OK. Gold is worthless.

0:24:370:24:40

OK, we're going to go now. So, bye.

0:24:400:24:42

-Bye-bye!

-Nice to meet you.

0:24:420:24:44

-Ta-ta.

-OK...

0:24:440:24:46

Walk, don't run.

0:24:460:24:48

Well, they seem very nice.

0:24:480:24:49

'I really recommend a visit to Peru.

0:24:490:24:52

'My first trip has only cost me 100,000 pesos,'

0:24:520:24:54

but next time, I will bring extra troops and I will make millions, uh?

0:24:540:24:58

-From stealing all their gold.

-Ssshhh!

0:24:580:25:00

-What? Don't you push me.

-Yeah, but you said...

0:25:000:25:03

What? It's OK now. Uh?

0:25:030:25:05

Do you see Incans around? No. What is wrong with you all the time?

0:25:050:25:08

Why do you push me...

0:25:080:25:09

Pizarro grew up in Spain

0:25:120:25:14

as a poor boy whose job it was to look after the pigs.

0:25:140:25:17

It's said that his parents ran away and left him,

0:25:170:25:20

and he was brought up by a sow.

0:25:200:25:21

Imagine that!

0:25:210:25:23

"Eh, Pizarro - your room looks like a pigsty.

0:25:230:25:27

-"Well done, son!"

-HE OINKS

0:25:270:25:29

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

0:25:290:25:31

But it wasn't just the Spaniards who were ruthless.

0:25:310:25:34

So were some of the Incas.

0:25:340:25:36

And now on Horrible Histories, a music video exclusive.

0:25:360:25:40

It's the Incan Lord Pachacuti, with The Pachacuti Song.

0:25:400:25:44

GROOVY MUSIC

0:25:440:25:45

# I'm Pachacuti, the Incan Lord

0:25:500:25:53

# All other tribes dread it

0:25:530:25:56

# My name means "He who shakes the Earth"

0:25:560:25:59

# Not that I'm big-headed

0:25:590:26:01

# When it comes to claiming nearby lands

0:26:030:26:05

# I was the type to risk it

0:26:050:26:08

# But it's how I treat dead enemies

0:26:080:26:12

# That really took the biscuit

0:26:120:26:15

# Do the Pachacuti

0:26:160:26:18

# Do the Pachacuti

0:26:190:26:21

# Do the Pachacuti

0:26:230:26:24

# Pachacuti!

0:26:260:26:28

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

0:26:280:26:29

# Once on a hillside, my troops hid

0:26:330:26:36

# To cause a rife old strife

0:26:360:26:39

# And when they jumped out it looked like

0:26:390:26:43

# The ground had come to life

0:26:430:26:45

Boo!

0:26:450:26:46

# The rocks, they are my warriors

0:26:460:26:49

# I then used to boast

0:26:490:26:51

# And that little lie helped us win wars

0:26:520:26:55

# But violence helped the most

0:26:550:26:58

# Do the Pachacuti

0:27:000:27:01

# Do the Pachacuti

0:27:030:27:05

# Do the Pachacuti

0:27:060:27:08

# Pachacuti!

0:27:090:27:11

# If you were a rival chief

0:27:110:27:14

# We'd kill you first, and then

0:27:140:27:16

# We'd stuff you like a scarecrow

0:27:160:27:20

# But one for scaring men

0:27:200:27:22

Argh!

0:27:220:27:23

# Then we'd rest your bony fingers on

0:27:230:27:26

# The stretched skin of your belly

0:27:260:27:28

# And in the breeze they'd tap that tum

0:27:290:27:32

# Like a drummer - but more smelly

0:27:320:27:34

# Do the Pachacuti

0:27:370:27:39

# Do the Pachacuti

0:27:400:27:41

# Do the Pachacuti

0:27:430:27:44

# Pachacuti! #

0:27:470:27:49

Want to travel through the time sewers with me?

0:27:520:27:55

Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures!

0:27:550:27:58

Go to the CBBC website, and click on Horrible Histories.

0:27:580:28:02

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:020:28:04

Ug and Grunt demonstrate how to paint like a caveman, some silly World War II codebreakers forget their own code, and Henry VIII challenges the King of France to a Wrestlemania-style smackdown!


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