Browse content similar to Episode 1. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians | 0:00:01 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians | 0:00:06 | 0:00:10 | |
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat | 0:00:18 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to... | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
# Horrible Histories. # | 0:00:27 | 0:00:32 | |
When King Charles I faced war in Scotland everyone was | 0:00:37 | 0:00:40 | |
expected to do their bit. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:41 | |
As we gather here today to worship, let us spare a thought | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
for the brave husbands and sons who also gather in preparation | 0:00:47 | 0:00:52 | |
to fight for King Charles against the threat of Scotland. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
Let us ask ourselves, "What can we do?" | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
We can give them donations. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:02 | |
I have placed receptacles for your donations under your chairs. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:06 | |
The Army has asked that you donate your wee-wee. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:10 | |
The makers of gunpowder for our troops are desperate, | 0:01:10 | 0:01:14 | |
as are, hopefully some of you. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
They need women's urine, | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
a vital ingredient in their manufacturing of saltpetre. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
Just the women? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:24 | |
Yes, Old Tom, apparently their urine works better. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:29 | |
Because I really need to go. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
Ah, thank you Mrs Carroll, | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
your son will be most proud. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
A grateful nation thanks you, Mrs Buttnam. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:40 | |
Oh, praise be, | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
why a veritable waterfall of thanks | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
for our young men and boys. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
PLOP! | 0:01:47 | 0:01:48 | |
That wasn't very helpful, Mrs Foster. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
Sorry. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:53 | |
Ha-ha-ha. It's true. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
In the late 1630s, wee was collected from churches to make gunpowder. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:03 | |
Ha-ha-ha. No, really. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
Whoo - I've just weed myself. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
How strangely appropriate! | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
I can tell you someone who wouldn't find that funny. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:13 | |
Puritan misery guts, Oliver Cromwell. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:16 | |
Truly Lady Fortune smiles on me this day. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:19 | |
Finally I get to paint Mr Cromwell himself. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
Yeah, good luck with that. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:23 | |
Boss, I've got that painter for you. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
An honour, sir, for which I'm simply not worthy. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
What is it? Something on my face? Breakfast? | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
No, sir, nothing of the wart. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:34 | |
THUNDEROUS MUSIC Nothing of the sort. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
I've asked you here, Mr Lely, | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
because I have seen your portrait of the late Charles I. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
-One of my finest. -I wish for mine to look nothing like that. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
None of his regal fancifulness, I just want you to paint me as I am. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
-Is there anything you need? -Just a glass of wart... | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
..a glass of water, please. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:54 | |
Guard, fetch Mr Lely some water. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
Now, sir, may I ask, how much would sir like to look like sir? | 0:02:57 | 0:03:01 | |
What do you mean, look like sir? | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
Well, how can I put this? I have been known in the past | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
to emphasise my subject's best features | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
and to hide their not so good ones. Thank you, you're a stal-wart. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:12 | |
THUNDEROUS MUSIC | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
Mr Lely, I just want you to paint me as I am. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
-I won't stand for flattery. -Of course. But would sir prefer | 0:03:16 | 0:03:20 | |
if I overlooked certain minor blemishes in the facial area? | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
-Are you talking about the warts? -Warts? I see no warts. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
These bad boys. The one that looks like my nose, only bigger, | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
and one that could easily be mistaken for my chin. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
Oh, yes, so there are. They look like a couple of beauty spots to me. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
Warts, they are warts, big old whopping warts. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
-I like to call a wart a wart, Mr Lely. -If you say so, sir. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
I wish you to paint me, warts and all. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
So shall it be. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Wart-ever you say. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:45 | |
Don't push it. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
Really sorry. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:48 | |
Did you know there really was | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
a Dick Whittington in the Middle Ages who was Mayor of London? | 0:03:56 | 0:04:00 | |
Hello. I am Sir Richard Whittington. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:09 | |
Four times Lord Mayor of London, | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
and I believe I have a very important film idea for you. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:15 | |
Cor, blimey, Dick Whittington. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
Can I just say straight off the old cricket bat how very excited | 0:04:18 | 0:04:22 | |
we is to have you on this project, apples and pears, what... | 0:04:22 | 0:04:26 | |
-OK, go ahead, Dick, shoot. -Actually, I prefer Sir Richard. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
-Whatever you say, Dick. -Sir Richard's fine with us, Dick. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
It's a yes from me, Dick. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
OK, right, well this is the story of my life. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:38 | |
-Great, who do you see playing the talking cat? -The cat thing again. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
-We're thinking Eddie Murphy. -Eddie Murphy! | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
Listen, I get this a lot. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:45 | |
The panto is loosely based on me, | 0:04:45 | 0:04:49 | |
this is a true story of my life, a political drama. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
Oh, yeah, sure, a political drama. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
-With a talking cat. -For kids. -I love it. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
I'm a serious politician, I've built churches, hospitals, improved | 0:04:56 | 0:05:01 | |
sanitation. I created the first public toilet in London. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:05 | |
-The thing is, your idea is poo. -It stinks. -It stinks of poo. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
-This is a true story. -I can't hear him above the hum of poo. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
How do you feel about Keira Knightley playing you? | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
-Keira Knightley! -Why would a woman play me? I'm a man! | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
A pooey man. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:18 | |
Tradition, you're always played by a woman. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
My life is not like the panto. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
-Can Keira sing? -Oh, we can dub it. Lady Gaga can do the songs. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:25 | |
-"I'm a little monster." -A musical?! | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
Do you know what you get if you take the first letters | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
of a musical comedy panto for kids with a talking cat? | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
-It spells H-I-T... -Hit! | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
Your streets paved with gold, our cinemas filled with gold. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:38 | |
No, no, no, I am an important figure in the history of London | 0:05:38 | 0:05:41 | |
and I will not stand here and watch you turn | 0:05:41 | 0:05:44 | |
my life story into a farce. Good day. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
-Turn again, Dick Whittington. -Bong! | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
-Turn again, Dick Whittington. -Bong! | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
-Turn again, Dick Whittington, thrice Lord Mayor of London. -Bong! | 0:05:50 | 0:05:54 | |
I was Lord Mayor four times, not three. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
-He's behind you. -BOTH: Oh, no, he isn't! | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
-Oh, yes, he is! Nice guy. -Super nice. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
I liked him a lot. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
Yes, Sir Richard Whittington really was a real guy. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
But he was nothing like the pantomime hero you've heard of. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
Oh, no. As mayor, he was famous for building a huge public toilet. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:15 | |
The streets of London had been really messy, | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
which explains why his Puss had to wear boots. Ha-ha-ha. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:21 | |
Just kidding, Sir Richard. Just kidding. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
You may have heard of the Spanish Armada in 1588. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:33 | |
But did you know that wasn't their | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
only attempt to overthrow Elizabeth I? | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
'He was the most powerful man in the world. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
'Ruler of a huge empire.' | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
I will invade England with the most | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
terrible force of battleships | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
ever seen. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:51 | |
I shall call it, "The most terrible | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
"force of battleships ever seen." | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
Or you could call it the Armada, Your Majesty. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
Yes, catchy. It feels better. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
'Only one man stood between Philip and his prize.' | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
That'll be me. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
'Introducing Sir Francis Drake | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
'as Vice Admiral of the English navy.' | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
Make the fleet ready to sail. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
Tell Drake this Armada must be | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
stopped at all costs. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
'He was a man with a plan.' | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
We shall blow up the Spanish cork factory at Cadiz. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
-Erm, why? -No cork, no barrels. No barrels, no freshwater. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:27 | |
No freshwater, no Armada. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
-Brilliant. -I am, aren't I? | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
So, to cut a long story short, no cork, no Armada. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:36 | |
I'll be back. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:37 | |
-Oh, good catchphrase. -Gracias. -De nada. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
Better luck next time! | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
'This time, it's judgement year. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:49 | |
'He was the most powerful man.' | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
Yada-yada. We know this bit. Is my Armada ready? | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
It is, sire. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
-Do my barrels have corks? -They do, sire. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
Nothing can stop us now. Oh, oh, I'm bad. | 0:07:57 | 0:08:01 | |
'Only one man stood between Philip and his prize.' | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
Oh, not him again! | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
Set fire to some of our ships. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Erm, why? | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
We sail these fire ships towards the Spanish fleet, | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
the Spanish will panic, cut their anchor lines and set sail. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
With any luck the strong winds will destroy this Armada. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:21 | |
'A man with a plan. And some lucky wind.' | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
It is a disaster, master. We have lost more than 50 ships. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:27 | |
And now the good news? | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
Erm, it's venison for supper. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
Destroyed by the weather, you say. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
Ha-ha-ha, that is the funniest thing I've ever heard. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:38 | |
Apart from Sir Walter Raleigh's joke about the bear with the big paws! | 0:08:38 | 0:08:44 | |
I'll be back. I think, probably. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
'This must be judgement year.' | 0:08:48 | 0:08:53 | |
What news of my new Armada? Has it at last been successful? | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
-It has caused minor damage to Mousehole. -Mousehole? | 0:08:56 | 0:09:00 | |
An inconsequential little village in Cornwall, yeah. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:05 | |
I'll be back. Maybe, it might take a while. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
# They're funny cos they're true | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
# Hope next time it's not you, hee-hee! # | 0:09:19 | 0:09:22 | |
One, two, three. Hah! | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
Scissors beats paper. I win. One, two, three. Hah! | 0:09:24 | 0:09:27 | |
Scissors beats paper. I win. Oh, I'm bored now. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
Why do you keep doing paper? That's not how you play it. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
Oh, grow up. Next! And you are? | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Thomas Curtes of Suffolk. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
And is your death, by any chance, arrow-related? | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
Yes it is, I'm a Tudor archer, how did you know that? | 0:09:40 | 0:09:44 | |
Just a lucky guess. Come on then, let's be hearing you. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
Well, one fine summer's evening I was out practising my archery | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
when I spotted a friend, by the name of Richard Lirence. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
Richard is a fine archer. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:55 | |
So I thought it would be quite funny to give him | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
-a bit of a challenge, right? -Yes. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
So, I yelled out to him, "Richard, I bet you can't hit my hat!" | 0:10:00 | 0:10:06 | |
Turns out I was right. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
Fortunately, he missed your brain. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
Not sure I get that. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
Proving my point. You're through to the afterlife. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
Oh, priceless! Next! | 0:10:19 | 0:10:23 | |
Whoa, hold the mustard! | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
We've got another contender. And you are? | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
Henry Pert of Nottinghamshire. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Is your death, by any chance, arrow-related? | 0:10:30 | 0:10:34 | |
Yes, it is, I'm a Tudor archer, how did you know? | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
Just a lucky guess, again. Come on then, let's hear your story. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
Well, I pulled my bow back to its full extent to loose | 0:10:40 | 0:10:44 | |
an arrow straight into the air, | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
only I had pulled it back so far, the arrow got lodged in the bow, | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
-so I've leant over to have a look at what's going on there... -Yes? | 0:10:49 | 0:10:54 | |
Twang. Went in my head. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
The Most Embarrassing Tudor Archery Death Award goes to | 0:10:58 | 0:11:02 | |
Henry the plonker! | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
-You are through to the afterlife. -Nice one, mate. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
I tell you, this job just gets better and better. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
I get it now, cos I haven't got a brain. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
Out! | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
Well, there are some drawbacks. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
# Hope next time it's not you! Hoo-hoo! # | 0:11:18 | 0:11:22 | |
'They're back. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
'Maybe this is judgement year. Spanish Armada IV.' | 0:11:25 | 0:11:29 | |
I don't care what happens as long as my fleet of 140 galleons | 0:11:29 | 0:11:33 | |
wasn't wrecked by storms off the English coast. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
It wasn't. It never got that far. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
It was wrecked by storms off the Spanish coast. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
-OK, that's it, we're done here. -Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:44 | |
'Judgement. Let's face it, it's not going to be judgement year. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:50 | |
Storms again? I won't be back. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:56 | |
Hi, I'm a hot Egyptian scientist, | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
and welcome to Wonders Of The Egyptian Universe. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
You know, we ancient Egyptians were amazing scientists. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:13 | |
With nothing but bits of string and wood and maths, | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
lovely magnificent mathematics, | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
we were able to construct perfectly shaped pyramids choosing | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
millions of stones to an accuracy of 0.05%. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:25 | |
Can you imagine that? | 0:12:25 | 0:12:26 | |
Are you imagining it? Amazing. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
And, it was us Egyptians who first tracked the movements of the stars. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:32 | |
Using them to align our buildings in perfect symmetry with the heavens. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:36 | |
Perfect symmetry. Amazing. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
And, it was us Egyptians who realised that the Pharaoh had to perform | 0:12:38 | 0:12:42 | |
a magic ceremony in the mornings, otherwise the sun wouldn't rise. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:46 | |
'Sorry, Brian, what was that last bit?' | 0:12:46 | 0:12:48 | |
Before us Egyptians, no-one had any idea that the sun | 0:12:48 | 0:12:52 | |
travelled across the sky by being rolled by a dung beetle. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
Whoa, stop you there. A dung beetle? | 0:12:55 | 0:12:58 | |
A vast, giant dung beetle called Khepri. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
It's ancient Egyptian scientific fact. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
All right, reality check, Brian. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
If this dung beetle is so massive, why can't we see it? | 0:13:03 | 0:13:07 | |
A giant, vast, invisible dung beetle. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
OK, you were actually doing really well up until the Pharaoh | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
and the dung beetle, but that is just crazy. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
How else is the sun going to travel across the sky, | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
is it just going to stand still, | 0:13:18 | 0:13:19 | |
while this entire massive planet revolves all by itself?! | 0:13:19 | 0:13:24 | |
I'm talking about ancient Egyptian scientific fact here. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
Sure about that, Brian? | 0:13:27 | 0:13:28 | |
How else would it get to the other end of the sky | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
where it gets eaten by a cow goddess? | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
OK, I've heard enough, fellas. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
No, I haven't told you about the planets. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
How they're actually gods who can predict the future. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
It's ancient Egyptian scientific fact. It's amazing. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
And if you thought our SCIENCE was complicated, | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
you should try getting into Egyptian heaven which involved a very | 0:13:46 | 0:13:50 | |
tricky journey through the underworld, known as the Duat. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:54 | |
'Do you have what it takes to navigate your way through the Duat, | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
'and make it to ancient Egyptian heaven?' | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
'Survive the unforgiving terrain, making your way past rivers of fire, | 0:14:04 | 0:14:08 | |
'and boiling lakes.' | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
This might take a while. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
'Fend off attacks from ferocious wild animals crocodiles, | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
'snakes and beetles.' | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
Beetles, beetles, beetles, please let it be beetles. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:21 | |
Giant beetle! Giant beetle! Pause the game. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
Well, at least tell me what weapon I get to defend myself with. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
'Weapons? Oh, no, you don't get any weapons, just this. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:32 | |
'The Book Of The Dead.' | 0:14:32 | 0:14:33 | |
Look out, giant man-eating beetle. I'm packing a scroll. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:37 | |
'It's full of spells to defeat your tormentors.' | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
-OK, that could work. -'The player must use the various control pad key | 0:14:40 | 0:14:44 | |
'combinations to enact the right spells.' | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
Gotcha! | 0:14:47 | 0:14:48 | |
'Or alternatively, just whack the keys at random | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
'and hope for the best.' | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
-Whoa! Whoa! -'At the end of each level you must pass through a gate | 0:14:54 | 0:14:58 | |
'guarded by a terrifying, grotesque monster, such as... | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
-'He who lives on snakes.' -I can take him. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
-'He who dances in blood.' -Reckon I could have him, too. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:09 | |
'And he who eats the excrement from his hind quarters.' | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
All right, all right, you win! Just don't breathe on me. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
'Beat all the bosses and reach the final level. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
'The Weighing Of The Heart ceremony. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
'Your heart is weighed against the Feather Of Truth, | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
'which knows all the lies you've told in your past life.' | 0:15:23 | 0:15:26 | |
OK, OK. So I cheated during the school spelling test. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:30 | |
Have you ever tried hieroglyphics? | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
Yours to own in exchange for five sacks of barley, | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
three leopard skins, two good horses or one reliable slave. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:39 | |
In Georgian times, we had an excellent fire service. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:48 | |
In fact, there were several to choose from. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
That could get very confusing. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
WOMAN SCREAMS | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
My house is on fire! | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
Have no fear, Westminster Fire Brigade are here. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
-No blaze too big, no fire too small. -Oh, thank you. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
Panic over, madam. Royal Exchange Fire Brigade here. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
We've got more buckets and bigger pumps than certain | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
fire brigades I care to mention. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:10 | |
Two fire brigades, it's my lucky day. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
Where's the fire? | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
Please try to relax, madam. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:17 | |
The Sun fire brigade is here now. Quenching fires since 1710. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:21 | |
That's 1710 the year, not 5:10 in the afternoon. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
-Oh, thank you. -No, thank you so much for choosing the Sun | 0:16:24 | 0:16:28 | |
to insure your home against fire. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
Whoa, back up! I think you'll find she is with the Royal Exchange. | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
No, she isn't, she's with the Westminster. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
Actually, I'm not with any of you, but now you're here... | 0:16:35 | 0:16:38 | |
-Come on, let's go. -Another time waster. Brilliant. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
Put the buckets away. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:42 | |
Are you going to let my house burn down | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
-because I'm insured with another company? -Yes. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
Well, what happened to, "No blaze too big, no fire too small?" | 0:16:47 | 0:16:50 | |
If you're not insured, we won't help at all. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
-Well, can I at least borrow a bucket? -ALL: No! | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
DING-A-LING-A-LING | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
Make way for the Atlas Fire Brigade. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:00 | |
Atlas, Atlas - that's who I'm with. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
Bring in the buckets, bring in the pumps. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
That's right, get lost, you lot, I've got a real fireman now, | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
thank you so much. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:09 | |
No, no, thank you for choosing the Atlas Fire Brigade to | 0:17:09 | 0:17:12 | |
insure your home. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
-Now, if I could just check your papers. -Sorry? | 0:17:14 | 0:17:18 | |
-Your insurance papers please, madam. -Clearly, they're inside the house. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
And clearly, we can't put out a fire until I see your insurance papers. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:25 | |
Clearly, I can't get the papers, until you put out the fire. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
Well, in which case, there's only one thing I can do. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:31 | |
Marshmallow? For the fire. Nice. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:34 | |
To get round that problem, they eventually worked out they should | 0:17:35 | 0:17:39 | |
put the logo of the appropriate fire brigade on the front | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
of an insured building. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
Here's a tip. Never strike a match in a sewer. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:46 | |
Lots of highly flammable gases down there. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:49 | |
On the plus side, | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
in a sewer you can go to the loo whenever you like. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
Unlike at the court of George II. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
Ooh, I do hope she's not going to be long. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
I'm quite desperate for a wee. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:05 | |
YOU'RE desperate? I'm absolutely bursting. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:08 | |
The sound of that fountain isn't helping. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
Block it out, Georgina, block it out. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
Yes, we must hold on. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
Not long now. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:16 | |
Let's try and think of something else. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:20 | |
Ooh, I don't think I can hold on much longer. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
Be strong, Georgina, be strong. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:27 | |
Oh, thank heavens. At last, it's my turn. | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
Your Majesty, please may I have permission to use the toilet? | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
Indeed you may. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
Aaaah! | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
Oh, sweet relief which cannot be measured. Thank you. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
And do you have something you'd like to ask the Queen? | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
I'm afraid it might be a bit late for that, Your Majesty. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:50 | |
So sorry. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:51 | |
Did you know, at the end of the Stone Age, | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
we were very soph...sophistic... | 0:19:01 | 0:19:05 | |
We were clever. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
Our homes even had furniture. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
'Guaranteed never to sag. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
'There's only one place that does the lot.' | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
'That's right, world of stone. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
'Why not pay a visit to our new showroom in Skara Brae, just a short | 0:19:25 | 0:19:28 | |
'row in a dug-out boat from the coast of Scotland. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
'We've got all the latest furniture new to the Neolithic era | 0:19:31 | 0:19:35 | |
Limpet tank? | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
'Yes, limpet tanks. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
'From World Of Stone, our delivery men | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
'can deliver anywhere in Britain.' | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
It's no good, Kevin, it's not going to budge. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
For henges, please allow 30 years. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
-Stand up straight. -I can't, I've done my back in. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:57 | |
Oh, mate. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:58 | |
So don't delay, come to World Of Stone today. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:02 | |
'They used poo and seaweed as fuel. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
'And in the Stone Age, fire was used to help make bronze, | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
'which led to a whole new era.' | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
Good evening, and welcome to the early news. I'm Vanessa Stonebottom. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
Our main story tonight. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:37 | |
The technological revolution that could call an end to | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
the Stone Age as we know it. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
It's over to our technology correspondent, Trevor Geek. Trevor. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:46 | |
Thanks, Vanessa. I'm here | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
at the opening of the Bronze Age. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:50 | |
People are hailing it as the dawn of a new era, | 0:20:50 | 0:20:53 | |
because it's the dawn of a new era. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
Earlier on, I caught up with | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
the excited people in the queue | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
who have been waiting | 0:20:59 | 0:21:00 | |
an age for the Bronze Age. Hee-hee. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
Well, actually, I've been queueing all night, | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
I'm very excited, I really want | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
to get my hands on a bronze axe. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
It is cutting-edge technology. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
I suppose you could say this | 0:21:12 | 0:21:14 | |
technology is cutting-edge. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:16 | |
Well, yes, that's the joke I was making. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:18 | |
I love these new bronze designs. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
They're so shiny, brilliant. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:21 | |
I've not been into weapons before, | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
but look, brilliant. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:24 | |
I'll get something for my mum, as well. You all right, mum? | 0:21:24 | 0:21:27 | |
Copper and tin are the ingredients in bronze, | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
which is being used to make stronger and sharper weapons. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:33 | |
If you're wondering what the point of a bronze sword is, | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
it's the sharp bit on the end. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
I'm joined by blacksmith, Cliff, | 0:21:38 | 0:21:41 | |
and he's going to tell us, | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
in detail, about what goes into the making of bronze. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:47 | |
Cliff, how do you combine | 0:21:47 | 0:21:48 | |
the copper and the tin? | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
Erm, you just heat them together. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
Right, and how do you heat them together? | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
With heat. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:57 | |
-Is there someone else we can talk to? -I told you I didn't want to do it. | 0:21:57 | 0:22:02 | |
Whoa, Tim, you seem to have bought the lot? | 0:22:02 | 0:22:04 | |
Yes, I only popped in for a bronze axe, | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
but then spent all our shells on a matching spear and dagger, | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
and all sorts of weapons. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
The wife's probably going to kill me. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
Well, she will be spoilt for choice for beautiful weapons to do it with. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
Once again, you've stolen my joke there, | 0:22:16 | 0:22:18 | |
-cos that's what I was going for. -Sorry. | 0:22:18 | 0:22:22 | |
Excuse me, I can't help but notice that you haven't bought anything. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
No. I reckon this whole Bronze Age thing is just a fad. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:29 | |
I'm going to wait for the Iron Age to come along. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
So the Stone Age is over. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:35 | |
The Bronze Age is here to stay, or is it? Back to the studio. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:39 | |
During the war, | 0:22:44 | 0:22:45 | |
the Germans launched devastating bombing raids on British cities. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:49 | |
And you won't believe how they picked out some of their targets. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:53 | |
"And beneath you, you will now see the historic English city of Bath. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:59 | |
"Renowned for its ancient Roman baths | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
"and distinctive 18th-century architecture." | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
Wait a minute. Why is it on fire? | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
Aagh! Someone is dropping bombs on Bath. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:11 | |
-Ja, vee are! -Vee are? | 0:23:11 | 0:23:13 | |
What are you, Dumm-dummkopf? | 0:23:13 | 0:23:15 | |
This place gets three stars in my travel guide to the most | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
beautiful, historical cities in Britain. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:20 | |
Ja, Heinrich. That is why we are bombing it. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:23 | |
German High Command wants us | 0:23:23 | 0:23:24 | |
to bomb any city with three stars in the Baedeker guide. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:29 | |
Bombs away! | 0:23:29 | 0:23:30 | |
Oh, hot sausage! I think I just hit some old building. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:35 | |
Some old building?! | 0:23:35 | 0:23:36 | |
That was the Assembly Rooms, | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
"as featured in old romantic novels of Jane Austen." | 0:23:38 | 0:23:42 | |
Oh, does it say anything about it having a massive hole in the roof? | 0:23:42 | 0:23:46 | |
Nein. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:47 | |
It has gone out of date already. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:51 | |
That's it, turn the plane around. We're going to Coventry. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
Coventry? We have already bombed it. It is flattened. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:57 | |
Ja, exactly, so there's nothing left to ruin. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:00 | |
No matter how much we hate the English, surely it is not | 0:24:00 | 0:24:03 | |
right for us to destroy these beautiful, historical sites. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:07 | |
Heinrich, were you not listening at all in ze briefing? They started it. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:10 | |
They bombed our beautiful German city of Lubeck. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:13 | |
Was? Lubeck? | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
With its fine medieval buildings. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
Fine medieval holes in the ground now. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:21 | |
This is a revenge mission. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:22 | |
Philistines. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
Right, let us set course for the beautiful city of Exeter, | 0:24:25 | 0:24:30 | |
"with its medieval cathedral, boasting the longest | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
"uninterrupted vaulted ceiling in the whole of England." | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Not for much longer! | 0:24:36 | 0:24:39 | |
But be careful not to bomb the gift shop, | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
it says here they do some amazing keyrings. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:46 | |
-Does it have those massive pencils? -Ja. -Yes! | 0:24:46 | 0:24:49 | |
-And they have fudge. -They have fudge? -Ja. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
-I love fudge. -Awesome. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:55 | |
The Germans really did use the Baedeker travel guide to pick | 0:24:55 | 0:24:58 | |
out some historical bombing targets. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
Fortunately, us rats had our own bomb shelters. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:03 | |
They're called sewers. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
Of course, the German bombers, had to deal with the good old RAF. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:09 | |
Chocks away, boys. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
AIR RAID SIREN | 0:25:11 | 0:25:12 | |
# We fighter pilots fought the German chaps in World War II | 0:25:23 | 0:25:27 | |
# And Hurricanes and Spitfires performed feats of derring-do | 0:25:27 | 0:25:31 | |
# The finest British pilots that the world could hope to have | 0:25:31 | 0:25:35 | |
# Binky, Stinky, Squiffy, Frantisek and Stanislaw | 0:25:35 | 0:25:39 | |
# Hold fire, is that some foreign chaps risking their necks? | 0:25:39 | 0:25:43 | |
# That's right, some of the bravest men were Polish and Czech | 0:25:43 | 0:25:48 | |
# We like to fire, beating Jerry our one desire | 0:25:48 | 0:25:54 | |
Yeah, yeah. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
# All we do each night is pray we'll live to fight another day | 0:25:56 | 0:26:00 | |
Take that, Hitler. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:03 | |
# My name is Douglas Bader Let me tell of my ordeal | 0:26:03 | 0:26:06 | |
# Lost both legs in an accident these ones are not real | 0:26:06 | 0:26:10 | |
# I left the Air Force After that flying was a hobby | 0:26:10 | 0:26:14 | |
# But when war broke in '39 I came back | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
# Just like Robbie | 0:26:17 | 0:26:18 | |
# Shot down 22 of them Led the air attack | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
# Till finally the Luftwaffe hit me back | 0:26:22 | 0:26:26 | |
# Oh, no, pretty baby | 0:26:26 | 0:26:27 | |
# His reign of fire | 0:26:27 | 0:26:30 | |
# Stuck in the cold It's such a shame to retire | 0:26:30 | 0:26:34 | |
# Yeah, yeah | 0:26:34 | 0:26:35 | |
# Don't forget this great man's story and his role in Britain's glory | 0:26:35 | 0:26:41 | |
# We flew in tough conditions Lucky to survive five missions | 0:26:41 | 0:26:45 | |
# Not that I'm complaining but I've had just ten hours' training | 0:26:45 | 0:26:49 | |
# Epic dogfights in the sky Outnumbered, that's why | 0:26:49 | 0:26:53 | |
# We're now known by you As the few | 0:26:53 | 0:26:58 | |
# Phew, he missed me. | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
# The Battle of Britain was our pilots' finest hour | 0:27:01 | 0:27:05 | |
# Although it seemed at first the Germans were the stronger power | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
# So strong | 0:27:08 | 0:27:09 | |
# We mustered all our courage in summer 1940 | 0:27:09 | 0:27:13 | |
# Scrambled Air Force squadrons to fly sortie after sortie | 0:27:13 | 0:27:17 | |
# Saw Nazi invasion off just as we should | 0:27:17 | 0:27:20 | |
# Our bravery meant Hitler wouldn't be back for good | 0:27:20 | 0:27:24 | |
# No, no | 0:27:24 | 0:27:25 | |
# We beat the Fuhrer | 0:27:25 | 0:27:28 | |
# Without us frequent flyers Your life would be poorer | 0:27:28 | 0:27:32 | |
# Yeah, yeah | 0:27:32 | 0:27:33 | |
# Britain securer | 0:27:33 | 0:27:36 | |
# Our story of heroics will for ever endure | 0:27:36 | 0:27:39 | |
-# Yeah! -So I think you'll find it's true... # | 0:27:39 | 0:27:44 | |
CHURCHILL: 'Never in the field of human conflict, | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
'was so much owed by so many to so few.' | 0:27:46 | 0:27:50 | |
# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts | 0:27:54 | 0:27:57 | |
If you enjoyed that, why not play the new AD/BC Time Tour music game? | 0:27:57 | 0:28:02 | |
Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories. Rock on! | 0:28:02 | 0:28:07 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery Hope you enjoyed... | 0:28:07 | 0:28:10 | |
# Horrible Histories. # | 0:28:10 | 0:28:14 |