Episode 12 Horrible Histories


Episode 12

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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

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# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights

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# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

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# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times

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# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless

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# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages

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# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat

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# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...

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# Horrible Histories. #

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Disease was rife in Victorian London and so the graveyards filled up

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very quickly and we had to find other places to bury our dead.

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Good day.

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-Hello.

-Hello!

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Two tickets to Brookwood, please.

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Single or return ticket, madam?

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Return for me and a single for my husband.

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Taking the Necropolis Railway, are we?

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Yes, it's very convenient.

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When you run out of room to bury people in the city,

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it does make sense to put your cemeteries further out.

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Plus you get a lovely day out in the countryside.

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Yeah. And my husband does love trains. Well, he did.

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Of course he did. First class, second class or third class?

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First class for me.

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-And your husband?

-Can he go in the luggage rack?

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Afraid not, would he like a window seat?

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Well, he doesn't really need a view.

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No, but it's easier to shove him out at the cemetery.

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Excuse me, are you going to be long, only I lost my husband last week.

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You and me both.

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No, no, I lost him on the train.

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Oh, right you are - well, I think you might be in luck. Somebody

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handed him in last week and I, for one, will not be sad to see him go.

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Could you lot hurry up? All my relatives have died of consumption.

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Do you have a family railcard, sir?

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Would you be interested in a family railcard?

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What do you think, darling? Yes.

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

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# They're funny cos they're true, woo

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

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# Hope next time it's not you. #

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Oh, guys, what can I say - such a nice surprise, happy death day.

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I love you guys, I th...

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What? Yes, best get on with it, the sooner we finish,

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the sooner we can have some cake.

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Next! And you are?

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Robert Cocking,

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professional watercolour artist and amateur scientist.

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Oh, goody, amateur scientists are so much more fun

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than professional ones. Go on.

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Well, I was very keen on science,

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particularly the science of parachutes.

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Sounds promising.

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I witnessed the first ever parachute jump in England in 1802

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-and was convinced I could design a better one.

-Ah, hah.

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So, I made some drawings and, and some calculations,

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Basically, I left nothing to chance, you know.

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-You wouldn't, would you?

-I was so confident it would work

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that I resolved to test it myself

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by leaping 180 metres from a hot air balloon.

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I'm guessing the parachute didn't work?

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What do you think I'm doing here? I don't understand it,

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I calculated the parachute exactly the right size for my weight.

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Well, yes, but it would have to carry your weight plus its own weight,

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-Obv!

-What?

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You didn't forget to factor in the weight

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-of the parachute itself, did you?

-Ah!

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You nincompoop! No wonder it didn't work.

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Hey, wouldn't it have been a good idea to test it with a dummy first?

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Oh, hang on a minute, you did!

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-Yeah.

-Him being the dummy.

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Oh, you got it. Well, tell your face!

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You're through to the afterlife.

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Oh, do you know, I think his story might be my best present ever,

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the icing on the cake. Shall we have a piece?

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What...

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You just couldn't wait, could you, honestly! Ruined everything.

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Well, he has.

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# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

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# Hope next time it's not you. #

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That's right.

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Robert Cocking forgot to include the weight of

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his very heavy parachute in his calculations.

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See, I've always said maths was bad for your health. Huh!

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I've never noticed you on the High Street before, are you new?

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Oh no, we're old, we're very old.

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This is an historical dentist,

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all out dentists are from different historical periods.

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Oh, so this Mr Roman actually is...

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Ovulus denticus tonsillitis. Don't get up.

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Now, don't worry we, Romans are advanced in all fields of medicine.

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After all, it was a Roman doctor who found the cure for a twisted spine.

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Which was?

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He placed enormous stones on the patient's back,

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and when he took them off,

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the patient was the straightest backed corpse you'd ever seen.

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You mean, he died?

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Let's not focus on the negative, open wide.

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Well, I can see straight away your teeth are far too long.

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We Romans have much stubbier teeth.

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It's because of the bits of millstone in the bread we eat,

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it grinds them down.

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Would you like me to file yours down for you?

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Er, no, thanks. It's just sore gums, really.

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Well, don't worry, we can soon sort that out.

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Mandy, do we have any hair from a crucified man?

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We're out.

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Shame, it does seem to cure anything,

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never mind.

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Er, no, there's no need for the...

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I'm not going to hurt you, I'm a Roman, not a barbarian.

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No, we need the blood from a man who's been killed in a violent way

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and I think we've run out.

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-Would you mind fetching some for me, Mandy?

-Certainly, Mr Tonsillitis.

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Put that on the gums will sort you right out.

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Argh!

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-They never outrun Mandy.

-Argh!

-Rinse, please.

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This water tastes funny.

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That's because it isn't water.

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See, we Romans have found that wee can be a very effective

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cleansing agent.

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Can you?

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No, no, wee can, urine.

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And it's sterile, unlike Roman water, which can be lethal -

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but don't worry, the blood will take away the taste.

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Here's the blood, doctor.

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-Was he killed in a violent way?

-Oh, extremely!

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Good, that's very important.

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Now, one more rinse and I'll put the old blood on the gums.

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Strangest thing, gums suddenly feel fine,

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it's a miracle. I'm just...

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Um, sorry, before you go, we've run out of rinsing liquid and, er,

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we've both been.

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Yeah, not going to happen.

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-Great.

-Hm.

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The answer is all three, pretty nasty.

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So if you were sentenced to death in Roman times you might prefer

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a visit to the Tarpeian Rock.

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Oh, the relief at last. Thank the gods.

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You have done Tarpeian Rock duty, before?

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No, I can't say I have.

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Not to worry,

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just follow my instructions and no-one should get hurt.

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SCREAMS THEN A THUD

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Except the criminals who get thrown off the cliff, obviously.

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You only get chucked off the Tarpeian Rock

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if you've been sentenced to death.

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Your job is to make sure that all the criminals

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are well and truly dead.

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Yeah, he's a goner, all right. Now, don't worry,

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it's quite a big drop so we don't get many survivors.

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ARRRRGGH!

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THUD

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Oh, I'm alive, oh, I can't believe it!

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Not any more he's not, you can do the next one.

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-Do I have to?

-Oh, yes, we get all sorts down here.

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Murderers, traitors, thieving slaves and people who've lied in court.

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SCREAM THEN THUD

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It's OK, I'm dead I'm totally dead.

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It's all right, he's already dead.

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That's one of the liars.

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Now, is there anything I've forgotten? Oh, yes.

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SCREAMS

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Always keep nice and tight to the cliff wall.

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Ah, should have started with that, shouldn't I?

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My bad.

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Five eager chefs, five historical eras, but just one prize.

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Who will be crowned Historical MasterChef?

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I'm looking thoughtful.

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I'm shouting.

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Ernest is head chef at the White Heart Inn.

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He's hoping that the Tudor food he serves to

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guests from the 1500s will appeal to the judges today.

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Chicken looks nice and plump there, mate.

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You don't have very many vegetables?

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No, all intelligent Tudors know vegetables carry disease.

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I don't think so, mate, I used to be a greengrocer.

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Exactly, look what happened to your hair.

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So, will Ernest's meaty Tudor offerings hit the spot?

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For my main I'm serving a nice, juicy roast chicken.

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Cor, my kind of menu, John.

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Oh, what's happened there?

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Well, I bought my chicken from a door-to-door salesman, I suppose

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he must have sewn up its bottom so that it looked nice and plump.

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-You mean it was full of...

-I'm afraid so.

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Oh, no.

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With plan A all over his face,

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let's hope that Ernest has got a plan B that isn't a load of plan A.

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Ernest, you'd better have a pudding lined up, mate,

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otherwise your whole meal is going to be a wash out.

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Well, actually I'm starting with the pudding.

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It's a Tudor delicacy made entirely from sugar, hm.

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My state-of-the-art Tudor sugar's gone, it's gone.

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Don't be upset. It's gone to a much better place.

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So, you've got nothing for us to eat at all.

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Only the plate.

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Oh, the plate, right.

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No, the plate's made of sugar, too.

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Lovely, yeah.

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Ernest, your chicken exploded in your face

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and your pudding disappeared.

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But on the plus side, you do make excellent crockery.

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For that reason, we are putting you through to the next round,

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-congratulations.

-Yes!

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-Your sugar cutlery needs a bit of work.

-Actually, that's not my spoon.

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Argh.

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One person who loved his Tudor food was King Henry XIII,

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and towards the end of his life he got increasingly paranoid

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that someone was trying to kill him.

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"And so the big fat King lived happily ever after."

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That's nice, well, I think I'm ready for beddy.

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And do you have everything you need, Your Majesty?

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Yes, I think so.

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I have my little hat in case I die in the night,

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but I won't die in the night, will I, Chamberlain?

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No, no, Your Majesty, you're in great shape, but best take the crown.

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-That way if you do die...

-Huh?

-..which you won't,

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then everyone in the afterlife will know you were a king.

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And I have my royal bottom wiper in case I need to go for a poo.

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Good evening, Your Majesty.

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Assassin!

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That's just your royal bottom wiper, sire.

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Oh, yes, yes, I knew that.

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-Well, I shall bid you goodnight, then.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Oh, Chamberlain, brick up the door on your way out, will you?

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-Don't you mean shut the door, Your Majesty?

-No, no.

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I want to have it bricked up from now on.

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Call me an increasingly mad and paranoid old fool,

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but anyone could wander in and murder me in my sleep.

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Only the other night I found a man hiding at the end of my bed.

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That was me, Your Majesty.

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There he is again!

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That's just your royal bottom wiper!

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Yes, I knew that. Well, anyway, anyone can wander in

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but if I have a brick wall built right across my bedroom door

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every night, I shall be as safe as houses, won't I?

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I've already booked a builder, yeah.

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That's a very wise and sensible precaution.

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-Yeah.

-Good night, Your Majesty.

-Good night, yeah.

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Chamberlain.

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Your Majesty.

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Am I to starve to death bricked up in here without

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so much of a snack to get me through the night?

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I'm so sorry, Your Majesty.

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Ah, that's more like it. Deep fried boar stuffed with venison.

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HE BREAKS WIND

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You called, Sire.

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Oh, assassin!

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Hm.

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Henry the XIII became

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so fat they had to use a small crane to take him upstairs.

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Now, I'm no doctor but when you need a crane to carry you upstairs

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it's probably time to go on a diet.

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Do you have financial worries,

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worried that a Viking might steal all your treasure?

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Then why not invest your money the Saxon way, with Saxon Bank.

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Yes, Saxon Bank is literally a bank, a bank of earth, because burying

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your money in the ground is the simplest way

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to keep it safe from Vikings.

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With easy 24-hour access, thanks to our handy holes

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in the ground system and interest rates are at an all-time low,

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so your secret fortune will attract zero interest.

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Yes, that's right, absolutely no interest at all, except from worms.

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Just don't forget where you buried it all.

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Now, was it three pine trees across and four up, or four and three?

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Oh, no, I can't remember my pine number!

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Saxon Bank, where the earth bank is your bank.

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Free spade when you open your first Saxon Bank account.

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"Pine number"! As tree puns go that was Oak-eh.

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Ha ha!

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I'm wasted here, I am!

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Anyway, it's true, Saxons used to bury their money

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and treasure in the ground for safe keeping.

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It was certainly one way to keep your money safe from Vikings.

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The other way was to fight them off like this famous Saxon did.

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Hello. I'm Alfred the Great.

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Great? We'll judge that after your movie idea.

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You could be Alfred the flop.

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Alfred the box office bomb.

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Alfred the turkey.

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I really think I've got something, the story of my life.

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Losers thinking they're interesting, that's the story of my life.

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-Nice one!

-This is really good.

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It starts with me defeated by the Danes, I'm on the run.

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I've got nothing but a few followers and I'm hiding out in a marsh

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but, from there I make small guerrilla attacks on the Danes

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and gradually with each victory I start to build an army,

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a full-time army, and navy too.

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Then, at the climax of the story, the battle of Edington, I defeat

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the Danes and create a new country that today you call England.

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Ergh! Yeah, what you've created there, my friend, is

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a massively over budget boreathon.

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Alfred the Great. Aren't you the cake guy?

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Oh, please, not this again.

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-He is, he's the cake guy.

-Cake guy?

-The cake guy.

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He was hiding out in an old woman's cottage and she told him

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not to burn the cakes but he forgot, so she started battering him

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and he could have stopped her by saying, "I'm the King,"

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but it would have blown his cover.

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Yes, it's a lovely little story, but it's not true, it didn't happen.

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Age the old lady down, I'm thinking Jennifer Aniston.

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-I love her.

-We've got a romcom smash.

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Please, I achieved so much, I invented the candle clock.

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And burnt some cakes.

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I revolutionised government and taxation, reformed the legal system.

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-Cake guy.

-I wrote books, I had spectacular military successes

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-and I built the foundations of a new country.

-Cake guy.

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I don't want to be remembered for a cake story that never happened.

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This could be a great movie.

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You're right, and guess what, it's called, Alfred The Cake.

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Get Ashton Kutcher on the phone, we've got a hit.

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-Ashton Kutcher.

-Look out, cake guy's getting upset.

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Could we get this guy a, a cup of tea?

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Oh and a, a cake.

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I hate you so much.

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The answer is C, his hand was cut off

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and fastened to the workshop door.

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Hero.

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Colossal dragon.

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Epic.

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School.

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Apology. Amnesia.

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History, music, geography, philosophy, biology,

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economics, mathematics.

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Disaster.

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Practise grammar.

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Catastrophe.

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We really valued education in ancient Greece

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so perhaps that's why we discovered so many marvellous things.

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Nickos Ancient Greekious,

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in that last round, your chosen specialised subject,

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the ancient Greek Olympic Games,

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you scored a quite frankly annoying maximum 20 points.

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But in this next round, general knowledge, there's lots of

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modern stuff so I'm afraid you don't stand a snowball's chance in Hades.

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-We'll see about that.

-We'll see about that.

0:17:180:17:20

-Well, we will see about that.

-WE will see about that.

-Yes, we will.

0:17:200:17:22

-Er, we will.

-As I said.

0:17:220:17:24

Your time starts - we'll see about that - now.

0:17:240:17:26

What shape is the Earth?

0:17:260:17:28

-Round.

-Yes, that's correct.

0:17:280:17:31

Greek philosopher Pythagoras worked that one out before 500 BC.

0:17:310:17:34

Well, you got lucky there, I think. Who invented yo-yo's?

0:17:340:17:37

We Greeks did.

0:17:370:17:39

Correct. Well, you'll never get this one.

0:17:390:17:41

What is a vending machine?

0:17:410:17:43

A machine that dispenses stuff when you put coins in it.

0:17:430:17:45

How on Earth did you know that?

0:17:450:17:47

Because Heron of Alexandria invented one in the first century AD.

0:17:470:17:50

Oh, "Heron of Alexandria..." You'll never get this one.

0:17:500:17:53

Who invented steam power? I'm going to have to hurry you?

0:17:530:17:56

Was it Heron of Alexandria again?

0:17:560:17:58

No, I'm...

0:17:580:18:00

Yes, it was, that's, that's correct. Who invented yo-yo's?

0:18:000:18:04

-Er, er, we did.

-Correct.

0:18:040:18:06

Who suggested that a rainbow was a natural phenomenon

0:18:060:18:09

-and not a sign from the gods?

-Anaximenes.

0:18:090:18:11

Correct again.

0:18:110:18:12

Are we sure these are right because he's getting a lot of them?

0:18:120:18:15

Yep, OK.

0:18:150:18:16

Who first realised that sea levels had risen and fallen

0:18:160:18:20

over long periods of time?

0:18:200:18:21

Er, was it Xenophanes?

0:18:210:18:23

Correct, it was around 500 AD. Who invented yo-yo's?

0:18:230:18:26

-We did.

-Yes, that's correct, sorry, that question keeps coming back.

0:18:260:18:29

Who first suggested the idea of atoms?

0:18:290:18:32

That would be Greek philosopher Democritus.

0:18:320:18:35

Correct. Who invented democracy?

0:18:350:18:38

-Democritus.

-Wrong! You're wrong.

0:18:380:18:41

I've got you.

0:18:410:18:42

-Well, it must have been him.

-No, no, that's just a co-incidence.

0:18:420:18:45

Democracy actually means the rule of the people.

0:18:450:18:49

And I'm afraid your time is up, Nickos Ancient Greekious,

0:18:490:18:53

in that last round you got one question wrong.

0:18:530:18:56

What about all the ones I got right?

0:18:560:18:58

Well, I prefer to focus on the one that you got wrong.

0:18:580:19:01

Sore loser.

0:19:010:19:02

And you are an ex-contestant, leave the studio now, please, leave it.

0:19:020:19:06

Yes, those ancient Greeks sure were a smart bunch.

0:19:070:19:11

Greek brain box Aristotle was said to have known everything

0:19:110:19:14

there was to know.

0:19:140:19:15

Oh, yeah?

0:19:150:19:17

I bet he didn't know what's the tastiest bit of a rotten pig.

0:19:170:19:20

Some Greeks were great lateral thinkers and none more so

0:19:200:19:24

than Alexander the Great.

0:19:240:19:27

Roll up, roll up, have a go at untying the Gordian Knot.

0:19:270:19:30

How about you, sir, you look like a Cretan.

0:19:300:19:32

-What did you say?

-A Cretan, an inhabitant of the island of Crete.

0:19:320:19:36

Well known for their intelligence and good looks.

0:19:360:19:39

No, no, no, I'm from Isos.

0:19:390:19:40

Oh well, why not have a go at untying the Gordian Knot?

0:19:400:19:43

What do I win if I untie it?

0:19:430:19:44

This, standard issue, poorly crafted garden ornament.

0:19:440:19:48

I'm joking! You actually win Asia.

0:19:510:19:54

Asia, all of it?

0:19:540:19:55

Yeah, legend has it whoever unties the Gordian Knot will become

0:19:550:19:58

King of all of Asia.

0:19:580:19:59

Oh, that's nice, I reckon if I

0:19:590:20:01

-won that the missus from Isos will kiss us.

-I reckon she probably will.

0:20:010:20:05

Right, um, what, what kind of knot is this?

0:20:050:20:08

Well, I told you,

0:20:080:20:09

it's your Gordian Knot guaranteed 100% impossible to undo.

0:20:090:20:12

You didn't tell me it was impossible.

0:20:120:20:14

Of course I didn't, you wouldn't have a go if I told you that

0:20:140:20:17

and I never tire of watching people fail to untie it.

0:20:170:20:20

Make way for Alexander the Great!

0:20:210:20:24

So, this is the famous Gordian Knot.

0:20:240:20:27

Oh, I didn't know it was famous.

0:20:270:20:29

Legendary. This is the very knot, your greatness.

0:20:290:20:32

I wouldn't waste your time, mate, it's a con,

0:20:320:20:35

this knot is 100% impossible to undo.

0:20:350:20:37

Oi, you can't do that!

0:20:420:20:44

Actually, no, you're right, no-one said you couldn't use a sword.

0:20:440:20:48

Now, where's my Asia?

0:20:480:20:51

Um, sort of...over there.

0:20:510:20:54

Right, thanks.

0:20:540:20:56

You any good at tying knots?

0:21:000:21:02

I did bunny ears.

0:21:020:21:04

I'll give that a whirl, yeah.

0:21:040:21:05

Hello, and welcome to the News At When. When?

0:21:160:21:20

During the reign of George the III, when Britain, and indeed

0:21:200:21:23

most of Europe, finds itself under threat from Napoleon Bonaparte,

0:21:230:21:28

a brilliant if slightly power-crazed French emperor.

0:21:280:21:31

Here with more details on this fascinating man is Bob Hale,

0:21:310:21:35

with the Napoleon report - Bob.

0:21:350:21:37

Thank you, Sam.

0:21:370:21:38

Well, "History is a set of lies that people have agreed upon."

0:21:380:21:41

Who said that? Well, I did just then but I was only quoting this chap.

0:21:410:21:44

Yes, it's Napoleon Bonaparte, France's most famous general,

0:21:440:21:48

who history has admittedly told a few porky pies about.

0:21:480:21:51

For one thing, he wasn't that short, in fact he was 1.7 metres tall,

0:21:510:21:54

the same height as Tom Cruise, and he's not short, is he?

0:21:540:21:58

So, talking of short, not that he was short, this is the short history

0:21:580:22:01

of Napoleon Bonaparte, starting right here in Corsica,

0:22:010:22:04

where, in 1769, he makes his first important strategic move, being born.

0:22:040:22:09

Then he makes another one, moving over here to France

0:22:090:22:11

and training as an army officer. And as a soldier he is revolutionary.

0:22:110:22:15

A French revolutionary, as he helps to overthrow the monarchy

0:22:150:22:18

and protect the new people's government.

0:22:180:22:20

An act which wins him fame, wealth, influence and helicopters.

0:22:200:22:23

Though possibly not the last one.

0:22:230:22:25

In fact, by 1796, our little soldier boy, not that he's little,

0:22:250:22:28

is in control of the entire French army, and that's the end of that.

0:22:280:22:32

But not for long!

0:22:330:22:34

With an entire army under his belt, though not literally,

0:22:340:22:37

Napoleon sets about showing what he can do, invading Italy

0:22:370:22:40

and Austria and attacking British trade routes over here in Egypt.

0:22:400:22:43

A tactically brilliant plan which surprisingly falls short,

0:22:430:22:46

not that he's short.

0:22:460:22:48

-Leaving him without so much as a boat to sail home with.

-Ah!

0:22:480:22:51

You can say ah if you want, but it's up to you.

0:22:510:22:53

But, when he finally gets home to France,

0:22:530:22:55

he has a nice surprise waiting for him and, no, it's not a helicopter.

0:22:550:22:58

With the government bankrupt,

0:22:580:23:00

the people want someone else to run the country.

0:23:000:23:02

And guess who gets the job, Napoleon!

0:23:020:23:04

Yes, after a brief spell as governor,

0:23:040:23:06

he declares himself Emperor of France, King of Italy

0:23:060:23:09

and Sultan of Swing, though not the last one.

0:23:090:23:11

How does he celebrate? Why, by having another war.

0:23:110:23:14

He's utterly thrashed by Nelson's navy at the battle of Trafalgar,

0:23:140:23:17

but he makes a cracking comeback, beating both Russia and Austria.

0:23:170:23:21

And as a well done present to himself,

0:23:210:23:23

builds a huge arch of triumph - can't remember what it's called.

0:23:230:23:26

But, he doesn't stop there, oh, no -

0:23:260:23:27

he brings even more countries into this new French Empire,

0:23:270:23:30

which make lovely presents for the family.

0:23:300:23:32

He gives Spain to his brother Joseph,

0:23:320:23:34

makes big brother Louis King of Holland

0:23:340:23:36

while his other brother, Gerome, gets some of Prussia.

0:23:360:23:39

It makes a change from socks.

0:23:390:23:40

In fact, there's just no stopping those Bonaparte boys right up until

0:23:400:23:43

the point when someone stops those Bonaparte boys.

0:23:430:23:46

It turns out that the countries of Europe

0:23:460:23:48

don't much like being conquered, so they start a war against Napoleon

0:23:480:23:51

and this time he really gets caught short, not that he's short.

0:23:510:23:54

He loses the war, gets captured and tries to poison himself to death.

0:23:540:23:58

But his plan hits a hiccup when the poison gives him hiccups,

0:23:580:24:01

and he just vomits it all back up again.

0:24:010:24:03

So the allies kick him off the throne,

0:24:030:24:05

exile him to the tiny island of Elba and presumably clean up the vomit.

0:24:050:24:08

And that is the end of that.

0:24:080:24:09

But not for long! And I mean really not for long.

0:24:100:24:13

Within just 100 days, Napoleon escapes from the island,

0:24:130:24:15

gets back to France, raises an army and, yeah, you've guessed it,

0:24:150:24:18

starts another war.

0:24:180:24:20

He strikes back at Europe, facing the Duke of Wellington at Waterloo.

0:24:200:24:23

A battle which, unsurprisingly, proves to be his Waterloo.

0:24:230:24:26

Yes, he gets his little pants thrashed off,

0:24:260:24:28

not that he's little, and is made to live out the rest of his life

0:24:280:24:31

on St Helena.

0:24:310:24:32

An island even smaller than Elba. Well, how small is it?

0:24:320:24:35

Well, I'll tell you.

0:24:350:24:36

If that's Elba, that's St Helena, that's the scale of a football pitch,

0:24:360:24:39

that's a London bus, Napoleon, Tom Cruise,

0:24:390:24:41

a sheep, a dog, a cat, a mouse,

0:24:410:24:43

a spider, a baby spider, an atom and

0:24:430:24:45

that's how much energy I've got left after explaining all of that to you.

0:24:450:24:48

Oh, honestly, I just need...

0:24:480:24:50

Oh, oh, yeah.

0:24:500:24:51

Why on earth do I do these standing up?

0:24:510:24:53

Oh, back to you, Sam.

0:24:550:24:57

In 1805, the French army under Napoleon

0:24:590:25:03

were the dominant land power, but when it came to naval power,

0:25:030:25:06

the British navy under Admiral Lord Nelson simply ruled the waves.

0:25:060:25:11

Anchors away, boys.

0:25:110:25:13

# We're the Georgian Navy

0:25:160:25:18

# We've never been beat

0:25:180:25:20

# Thanks to Admiral Nelson

0:25:200:25:22

# Commander of the fleet. #

0:25:220:25:24

The only things I've ever lost are this eye and this arm.

0:25:240:25:28

-Yes, playing with these balls can really do you harm.

-Ow!

0:25:280:25:32

# He's the gaffer, he's the boss Knows every naval trick

0:25:320:25:36

# Surprising thing about him Is sailing makes him sick

0:25:360:25:39

# Georgian Navy!

0:25:390:25:41

# Georgian Navy!

0:25:410:25:43

# This is going to be your Waterloo

0:25:430:25:47

# Nelson's Navy!

0:25:470:25:48

# Nelson's Navy!

0:25:480:25:51

# We're going to sink one more than you

0:25:510:25:55

# England expects every man to do his duty, right?

0:25:550:25:58

# Your side's not just from Engerland - you trying to start a fight? #

0:25:580:26:02

I'm from Scotland.

0:26:020:26:03

-Ireland.

-Wales.

-I've transferred from the French.

0:26:030:26:06

# We've even got West Indians sitting on the bench

0:26:060:26:10

# Some of them were forced to sign some chose to join my crew

0:26:100:26:13

# We fight to get our win bonus - mostly we fight for you

0:26:130:26:17

-# Engerland!

-Sort of

0:26:170:26:19

-# Engerland!

-Well, no, it's not

0:26:190:26:21

# We're going to sink one more than you

0:26:210:26:25

# Rule Britannia

0:26:250:26:26

# Rule Britannia

0:26:260:26:29

# When it comes to my attack the Gunners are my team

0:26:320:26:36

# We've got the strongest arsenal the world has ever seen

0:26:360:26:40

# Thanks to drill and practice we are magic with a ball

0:26:400:26:44

# Means the French and Spanish ships don't stand a chance at all

0:26:440:26:48

# We can get nasty injuries - sometimes it's best to dive

0:26:480:26:51

# If you're hit by the enemy you're lucky to survive. #

0:26:510:26:55

Magic sponge?

0:26:550:26:57

Magic saw!

0:26:570:26:58

# You've got to wait to fight

0:26:580:27:01

# Only do it when it's right

0:27:010:27:02

# You've got to break their line

0:27:020:27:04

# They'll be swimming in the brine

0:27:040:27:06

# Pick your time to shoot!

0:27:060:27:08

# Then their ships we're going to loot

0:27:080:27:10

# Going to be a hoot

0:27:100:27:12

# For scurvy have some fruit! #

0:27:120:27:15

Half time orange, anyone?

0:27:150:27:16

# Georgian Navy!

0:27:180:27:20

# Georgian Navy!

0:27:200:27:22

# Won at Trafalgar but got shot - ow!

0:27:220:27:26

# Nelson's Navy

0:27:260:27:27

# Nelson's Navy. #

0:27:270:27:30

You think it's all over?

0:27:300:27:31

-Kiss me, Hardy.

-..it is now!

0:27:310:27:33

# Tall tales, atrocious acts

0:27:350:27:36

# We gave you all the fearsome facts... #

0:27:360:27:38

If you enjoyed that, why not come and play?

0:27:380:27:40

Go to the CBBC Website and click on Horrible Histories.

0:27:400:27:44

See you there!

0:27:440:27:46

# The past is no longer a mystery

0:27:460:27:48

# Hope you enjoyed

0:27:480:27:50

# Horrible Histories. #

0:27:500:27:52

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0:27:520:27:54

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