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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians fighting Frenchmen, vile Victorians | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
# Smashing Saxons, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Normans, savage, fierce and toothless | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
# Civil Wars, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories, we do that | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
# And your host, a drumming rat | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
# Welcome to... | 0:00:26 | 0:00:27 | |
# Horrible Histories. # | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
Horrible Histories presents... | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
Savage Songs. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
Hello, viewers. Rat is the superstar here. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:42 | |
All right, I'm not a superstar yet. I'm more of a sewer star. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
RAT LAUGHS | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
I want to be famous and filthy rich. I mean, how hard can it be? | 0:00:47 | 0:00:51 | |
These days, you just need to get on one of those talent shows | 0:00:51 | 0:00:54 | |
and strut your furry stuff. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
But in the olden days, | 0:00:56 | 0:00:57 | |
being a super star was all about being a leader and a fighter | 0:00:57 | 0:01:01 | |
and the biggest kid on the block, | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
and they don't come much bigger than Mr Big himself - | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
Henry VIII, who was king of England 500 years ago. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:11 | |
His track is called A Little More Reformation. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
It's about taking over the church | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
and pocketing all the money for himself, | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
the big bully. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:20 | |
And a-one, and a-two, and a-one, two, three, four. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
# A little more reformation, a lot less monasteries | 0:01:33 | 0:01:37 | |
# Wanna get my hands on all that money, please | 0:01:37 | 0:01:41 | |
# A little less Pope, a lot more king | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
# I sure do hope to grab that bling | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
# Cos war with France is what will satisfy me | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
# And that is sure is pricey | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
# Passed a law so the Pope's been banned | 0:01:52 | 0:01:56 | |
# Now I'm top dog in the Church of England | 0:01:56 | 0:02:00 | |
# It's going swell | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
# I ain't got the blues | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
# Unless you count my jousting bruise | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
# Got rid of Anne, her head to lose | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
# To get my kicks at 36 | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
# I'm up to my old violent tricks | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
# If the church is mine, so is this... | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
# They're about to find that I play rough | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
# A little more reformation, a lot less monasteries | 0:02:17 | 0:02:21 | |
# Wanna get my hands on all that money, please | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
# A little more king, a lot less nuns | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
# I'll sell their land to buy more guns | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
# Cos war with France is what will satisfy me | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
# And that sure is pricey | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
# For the church, this won't end well | 0:02:36 | 0:02:40 | |
# I'm sending in my man Cromwell | 0:02:40 | 0:02:44 | |
# With suspicious minds and a pack of lies | 0:02:44 | 0:02:48 | |
# He'll ignore their desperate cries | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
# Then take their land for my prize | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
# Refusing me is kind of treasonable | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
# But I'm a guy who can be reasonable | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
# I'll offer pensions, payment schemes | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
# But crush the monks who block my dreams | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
# A little more reformation, a lot less monasteries | 0:03:01 | 0:03:05 | |
# Wanna get my hands on all that money, please | 0:03:05 | 0:03:10 | |
# If those abbots don't change tack | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
# I'll send them to the jailhouse rack | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
# They'd better ditch the Pope and recognise me | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
# Yeah, recognise me | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
# So chuck out the monk | 0:03:20 | 0:03:21 | |
# The monk, the monk | 0:03:21 | 0:03:22 | |
# Chuck out the monk | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
# The monk, the monk | 0:03:23 | 0:03:24 | |
# Some may quit if they can | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
# The rest I'll squash in my hand | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
# Yes, that means they'll be slaughtered | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
# Even hung, drawn and quartered | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
# A little more reformation, a lot less monasteries | 0:03:33 | 0:03:37 | |
# Wanna get my hands on all that money, please | 0:03:37 | 0:03:41 | |
# I'll flog the buildings, sell the gold | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
# Close the libraries, those books are old | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
# There's nothing you can do to try and stop me | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
# Cos I'm King Henry | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
# Oh, mama | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
# A little more reformation, please. # | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
Henry has left the building. | 0:03:57 | 0:04:00 | |
Well, it just goes to show you need a catchy tune | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
if you want to be remembered. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
Either that or have a couple of your wives executed. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:09 | |
So, I've had an idea. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:10 | |
I'm going to write my own albums full of great songs. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:14 | |
That's bound to make me famous. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
I could tall it Sewer Town Funk. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
RAT PLAYS YAMARAT | 0:04:19 | 0:04:20 | |
But I'll need a good pop star name too. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
What about Unclean Bandit? No? | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
Stink Ratty Rat? | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Or maybe it should sound really awesome, like Rattis the Rock God. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:32 | |
Well, it worked for Alfred the Great. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
Back in the 9th century, | 0:04:35 | 0:04:36 | |
he defended the country by hitting back against the Viking invaders. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:41 | |
In fact, he had so many hits, he deserves a gold disc. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
Take it away, Alfie. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
# I had four brothers, future kings, every man | 0:04:53 | 0:04:57 | |
# Aethelbald, Aethelred, Aethelberht and Aethelstan | 0:04:57 | 0:05:01 | |
# I'm not an Aethel, but I'll end up being king | 0:05:01 | 0:05:05 | |
# They mostly ended up the wrong end of a Viking | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
# Every time I spoke to Viking Guthrum | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
# To try to broker peace | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
# He always seemed to break his promise | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
# So a ceasefire had to cease | 0:05:14 | 0:05:15 | |
# His armies entered Exeter, I caused him strife | 0:05:15 | 0:05:19 | |
# But he fought back, so now I'm flighting for my life | 0:05:19 | 0:05:24 | |
# I'm out of town, I'm in retreat | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
# Don't want to end up as Viking meat | 0:05:27 | 0:05:31 | |
# I've hurried off | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
# I am upset | 0:05:33 | 0:05:34 | |
# Hiding in the marshes of Somerset | 0:05:34 | 0:05:39 | |
# I'm on the run, though I'm supposed to be top man | 0:05:39 | 0:05:43 | |
# Think I'm beat, but this is neat | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
# It's my royal master plan | 0:05:46 | 0:05:47 | |
# I know this land so well I'll catch him hit and run | 0:05:47 | 0:05:50 | |
# Mount attacks on Viking shacks | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
# It's like I've won | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
# On the Isle of Athelney is where great legends all began | 0:05:54 | 0:05:58 | |
# People say that while I was there | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
# I burnt cakes in a pan | 0:06:00 | 0:06:01 | |
# They say there was nothing left but smouldering cakey goo | 0:06:01 | 0:06:05 | |
# This story reel I must admit, it's not true | 0:06:05 | 0:06:10 | |
# I'm out of town, but now I see | 0:06:10 | 0:06:14 | |
# I'll wait till we build a huge army | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
# I'm hanging in, I'm getting tough | 0:06:17 | 0:06:21 | |
# Quite soon those Vikings will have had enough | 0:06:21 | 0:06:26 | |
# Now with my army, Guthrun's men, I'm whipping 'em | 0:06:26 | 0:06:30 | |
# The exit Exeter, now chipper in Chippenham | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
# Proved to the country I've got what it takes... # | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
But all people ask, though... | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
# Is it true about the cakes? | 0:06:38 | 0:06:42 | |
# I win the fight, I am the king | 0:06:42 | 0:06:46 | |
# Tough like my brothers, kill a Viking | 0:06:46 | 0:06:49 | |
# I'm number one, I am the boss | 0:06:49 | 0:06:53 | |
# You mess with me and that'll be your loss | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
# I won the war, came out on top | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
# Viking rule managed to stop | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
# I raised the stakes I got the breaks | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
# But I didn't really burn the cakes. # | 0:07:06 | 0:07:11 | |
Yes, the story goes that King Alfred burnt some cakes | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
whilst hiding from the Vikings, but it's not true. Well, probably not. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:21 | |
But, if he did, | 0:07:21 | 0:07:22 | |
he could have had the cakes with a favourite Saxon drink called mead. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
To make mead, you need honey, and to get honey, you need bees. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:29 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:07:29 | 0:07:30 | |
-GLASS SHATTERS -And to get bees... | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
you need... Ah, I'll let Alfred explain. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
POT SHATTERS | 0:07:34 | 0:07:35 | |
We Saxons love delicious honey. Mm. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
And use it to make our favourite mead drink. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
But how do you get a swarm of bees to nest in your house? | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
Do you... | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
The answer is A. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
When we see some bees, we sing a little song asking them to stay, | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
and then chuck gravel over them. That's what my servants do. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
It's probably better than lobbing a shoe at them, | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
because if they attack you, you've only got one shoe to run away with! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
I'm full of good advice, me. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
Yeah, right. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
-WOMAN: -Agh, a rat! | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
Ah, there goes one of my screaming fans. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
All right, she was just screaming. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
If I'm going to make it big, | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
I'm going to need some serious rock star attitude. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
That'll bring in the fans. Everybody loves a rebel, just like Boudica. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:31 | |
She got loads of Celtic fans, especially | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
when she went to war with the Romans. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
-WOMAN SCREAMS -Vermin! | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
-RAT LAUGHS -Still got it. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
# Fine wine, designer Roman goods | 0:08:47 | 0:08:52 | |
# I owned a fancy stash | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
# But when my husband died, the Romans cried | 0:08:55 | 0:09:00 | |
# Let's take his cash | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
# Like a baby, I had a little cry | 0:09:03 | 0:09:07 | |
# At this terrible stage | 0:09:07 | 0:09:11 | |
# But before too long | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
# I had turned this song | 0:09:13 | 0:09:14 | |
# Into a violent rage | 0:09:14 | 0:09:18 | |
# And so I had to wreck 'em all | 0:09:19 | 0:09:23 | |
# Tear down every Roman wall | 0:09:23 | 0:09:27 | |
# Unleashed all my fury on | 0:09:27 | 0:09:31 | |
# Every Roman centurion | 0:09:31 | 0:09:35 | |
# I led a Celtic army | 0:09:35 | 0:09:39 | |
# And we smashed the Roman crew | 0:09:39 | 0:09:43 | |
# Took London, St Albans, Camulodunum | 0:09:43 | 0:09:47 | |
# That's Colchester to you | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
# Rather than end up dead | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
# Romans turned and fled | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
# From our uprising | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
# Their soldiers took flight | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
# Cowards found our fight unappetising | 0:10:01 | 0:10:05 | |
# And so I had to wreck 'em all | 0:10:05 | 0:10:09 | |
# Took no prisoners at all | 0:10:09 | 0:10:13 | |
# Burned those cowards down to the ground | 0:10:13 | 0:10:17 | |
# Killed every Roman I found | 0:10:17 | 0:10:21 | |
# I never meant to start a war | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
# Actually, that's not so | 0:10:27 | 0:10:31 | |
# Just wanted every Roman to pack up their villa and go | 0:10:31 | 0:10:36 | |
# So Roman Britain starts to fall | 0:10:36 | 0:10:40 | |
# Shame I hadn't reckoned all | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
# These legions would arrive from Rome | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
# And we're fighting them for our homes | 0:10:47 | 0:10:51 | |
# Won't stop till I deck 'em all | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
# Every soldier, every general | 0:10:55 | 0:10:59 | |
# My plan was just to go berserk | 0:10:59 | 0:11:03 | |
# And wrecking seems | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
# To work, to work, to work | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
# To work, to work, to work. # | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
Boudica's career didn't last very long, | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
and she was defeated by the Romans just a year later. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:22 | |
But then she didn't have moves like this. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
Yes, I'm wearing sunglasses indoors and, yes, I know I look cool, yeah. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:34 | |
But that's because fashion is pretty important | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
if you want to be a real rock god. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
And the superstar of our next hit definitely had a fierce style | 0:11:38 | 0:11:42 | |
of his own you won't forget in a hurry, | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
especially if you were a Saxon at the Battle of Hastings in 1066. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:50 | |
Let's break it down with William the Conqueror. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
Norman style! | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
# We Normans are from France | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
# It's not where we originated | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
# Our accents are weird But we're not sophisticated... # | 0:12:05 | 0:12:09 | |
HE BURPS | 0:12:09 | 0:12:10 | |
# Tough and terrifying, we've descended from the Vikings | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
# So is it any wonder we've a natural flair for fighting? | 0:12:12 | 0:12:16 | |
-ALL: -# Normans over here | 0:12:16 | 0:12:18 | |
# And you English can't abide us | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
# Normans over here | 0:12:20 | 0:12:21 | |
# Oh, that's cute, you try to fight us | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
# Normans over here | 0:12:23 | 0:12:25 | |
# We set the north on fire | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
# Normans over here | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
# Saxon life, au revoir | 0:12:29 | 0:12:30 | |
# We build castles | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
# We love horses | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
-# Our cavalry -Hey | 0:12:34 | 0:12:36 | |
-# All armies fear -Hey | 0:12:36 | 0:12:37 | |
# We're great fighters | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
# You can hire us | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
-# But you won't like us -No | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
-# And we don't care -No | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
# We've got that haircut cos of chainmail that we wear... | 0:12:45 | 0:12:49 | |
This is Norman style. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
# Jump, jump, jump, jump | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
# Riding Norman style | 0:12:55 | 0:12:56 | |
# Jump, jump, jump, jump | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
# Haircut Norman style | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
# Jump, jump, jump, jump | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
# Hands off Norman style | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
# Jump, jump, jump, jump... # | 0:13:04 | 0:13:05 | |
This is Norman style | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
# And William the Conqueror, the greatest Norman ever | 0:13:07 | 0:13:11 | |
# Got delayed in Reading, England, cos of the bad weather | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
# Then chopped up your King Harold and left his mummy crying | 0:13:14 | 0:13:18 | |
# What do you expect, man? | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
# I'm practically a Viking | 0:13:20 | 0:13:21 | |
# England's rightful heir | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
# So signed Edward the Confessor | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
# England's rightful heir | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
# Forget Harold the Usurper | 0:13:27 | 0:13:28 | |
# England's rightful heir | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
# These Normans gonna rule ya | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
# England's rightful heir | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
# Surrender or I kill ya | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
# We build castles | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
# We love horses | 0:13:38 | 0:13:39 | |
-# Our cavalry -Hey | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
-# All armies fear -Hey | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
# We're great fighters | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
# You can hire us | 0:13:45 | 0:13:46 | |
-# But you won't like us -No | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
-# And we don't care -No | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
# We've got that hair cos of the chainmail that we wear... # | 0:13:50 | 0:13:55 | |
This is Norman style. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
# Hey, Saxon ladies | 0:13:58 | 0:14:02 | |
# Jump, jump, jump, jump | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
# Haircut Norman style | 0:14:04 | 0:14:05 | |
# Hey, Saxon prisoners | 0:14:05 | 0:14:09 | |
# Jump, jump, jump, jump | 0:14:09 | 0:14:11 | |
# Hands off Norman style | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
# Hey, check our horses | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
# Jump, jump, jump, jump | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
# Riding Norman style | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
# Hey, we ruled England | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
# Jump, jump, jump... # | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
Norman style. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
Bonjour. I am William the Conqueror. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
But before I got my ace nickname by Reading, England, | 0:14:31 | 0:14:35 | |
my army had to wait in France for several weeks due to the bad weather. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:39 | |
You will not believe how much poo was produced by the horses | 0:14:39 | 0:14:43 | |
during that time. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:44 | |
Was it... | 0:14:44 | 0:14:45 | |
The answer is C, 2,000 tonnes. So much poo! | 0:14:54 | 0:14:58 | |
And when you think of all the wee produced by all the soldiers | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
and horses, it must have been about 2.5 million litres. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:05 | |
They say that war is a dirty business. They are not kidding. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:08 | |
William had style all right, but he had a temper too. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:15 | |
Not like me, I'm too nice. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:18 | |
Hang on, that's my problem. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:21 | |
If I'm going to be a music megastar, I need to be much more demanding. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
Ooh, what the rat is this?! | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
I mean, come on. How many times have I said a mocha macchi latte grande? | 0:15:28 | 0:15:33 | |
Not a choca matte cuppa chini weenie. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
Actually, this'll do. Thanks very much. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
No, no, no, no, no. I've got to be tougher than that! | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
I need to become a real diva, | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
like these next two warring queens from Tudor times. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
In fact, Queen Elizabeth I was | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
so angry with her cousin Mary Queen of Scots | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
plotting to take the throne, she had Mary arrested and put on trial. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:59 | |
Please may I have some chocolate sprinkles? | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
Please? | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
# Is this a fair trial | 0:16:04 | 0:16:07 | |
# Or just a mockery? | 0:16:07 | 0:16:10 | |
# I am Queen Mary | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
# With no escape from your trickery | 0:16:13 | 0:16:17 | |
# No lawyer to depend | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
# Or witnesses to defend me | 0:16:20 | 0:16:25 | |
# Your honour | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
# I killed no-one | 0:16:35 | 0:16:39 | |
# You expect me to confess | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
# That I'd bump off good queen Beth | 0:16:42 | 0:16:46 | |
# Treason | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
# I call Walsingham | 0:16:48 | 0:16:52 | |
# Lord Altrincham | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
# Cos these letters are fakes | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
# Phoney, you're going down | 0:16:59 | 0:17:04 | |
# I can prove they're real | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
# And I was queen of Scotland once, you clown | 0:17:09 | 0:17:14 | |
# Please do not carry on | 0:17:14 | 0:17:18 | |
# You are guilty, now admit it | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
# Mary's refusing to admit her guilt | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
# What a shock, what a shame | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
# A complete and utter scandal | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
# Babington says Queen Beth, you never done in | 0:17:29 | 0:17:33 | |
# To the scaffold | 0:17:33 | 0:17:34 | |
# To the scaffold | 0:17:34 | 0:17:35 | |
# To the scaffold | 0:17:35 | 0:17:36 | |
# To the scaffold | 0:17:36 | 0:17:37 | |
# To the scaffold she must go | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
# I'm queen, you're vile | 0:17:39 | 0:17:40 | |
# I demand a fair trial | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
# Goodness gracious, is that the time already | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
# Don't spare the horses Time to go home | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
# If she's guilty then I must sentence her to die | 0:17:50 | 0:17:54 | |
# But that would make me a killer queen, so I | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
# Scary | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
# Don't want to do this, Mary | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
# Not gonna get out of signing her death warranty | 0:18:07 | 0:18:11 | |
# Her death really matters | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
# She made me enemies... # | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
AXE FALLS | 0:18:31 | 0:18:32 | |
# Her death really matters to me | 0:18:34 | 0:18:39 | |
# That's not how my wig goes. # | 0:18:40 | 0:18:44 | |
Well, at least Mary's wig didn't go to waste. I know, I'm fabulous! | 0:18:48 | 0:18:54 | |
But being drop-dead gorgeous isn't enough to be a true superstar. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:59 | |
You need a really famous boyfriend or girlfriend too. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:03 | |
It's all about being in love | 0:19:03 | 0:19:06 | |
and getting paparazzi to take pictures of you kissing in the park | 0:19:06 | 0:19:10 | |
and holding hands. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:13 | |
Although it did work for Egyptian queen Cleopatra | 0:19:13 | 0:19:17 | |
over 2,000 years ago. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
First, she married the great Roman leader Julius Caesar. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:24 | |
But he was assassinated by his rivals, | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
so then she moved on to another Roman general, Mark Antony. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:31 | |
But that quickly got out of hand too. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:36 | |
Hello, Queen Cleo here. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
I'm still sad about Julius Caesar's death. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
Imagine being stabbed 23 times by your supposed friends. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:47 | |
Luckily, I had Mark Antony's shoulder to cry on. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:51 | |
It's a very muscular shoulder. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:53 | |
He made sure the funeral was very memorable. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
But what did it include? | 0:19:57 | 0:19:58 | |
And the answer is A. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
While Mark Antony gave a speech, a wax model of Caesar's body was | 0:20:16 | 0:20:20 | |
rotated so the huge crowd could see all of his wounds. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:24 | |
Grim. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:25 | |
Then they grabbed Caesar's body, paraded it around and burned it. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:29 | |
It was very strange. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
Not the funeral, that was fine, | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
but the fact I wasn't the centre of attention for once. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:37 | |
After the death of Caesar, Cleopatra married Mark Antony, | 0:20:37 | 0:20:41 | |
but Caesar's nephew Octavian wasn't happy about this, | 0:20:41 | 0:20:44 | |
and the new lovers were defeated by him in battle. Aha! | 0:20:44 | 0:20:49 | |
They say the path of true love never runs smooth, | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
but for Mark and Cleo, it ended with a roadblock. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
# Defeated by Octavian | 0:20:59 | 0:21:01 | |
# That weed we don't respect | 0:21:01 | 0:21:03 | |
# Affection killed in Actium | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
# As my poor Ant has been decked | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
# Yeah, I was wrecked | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
# Now it's T-H-E E-N-D | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
# I'm sure that spells the end for me | 0:21:14 | 0:21:16 | |
# Octavian will display me in a cage The world will gloat | 0:21:16 | 0:21:20 | |
# I can't go on | 0:21:20 | 0:21:22 | |
# Will be paraded round the street | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
# Octavian | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
# Not your exotic parakeet | 0:21:27 | 0:21:29 | |
# Not your spoils from victory | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
# I'll spoil your party | 0:21:31 | 0:21:34 | |
# I can't go on | 0:21:34 | 0:21:39 | |
# I'm miserable, I'm so depressed | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
# How did it come to this? | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
# Octavian don't like me | 0:21:52 | 0:21:53 | |
# Cos I dumped his plain, old sis | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
# For Queen... | 0:21:57 | 0:22:00 | |
# I'm trying to sustain our rule | 0:22:00 | 0:22:03 | |
# Don't hold me up to ridicule | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
# Snap out of this, you moping fool | 0:22:05 | 0:22:07 | |
# You're not helping at all | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
# I can't go on | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
# Without my sweet Roman romance | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
# My love has gone | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
# Living alone not in my plans | 0:22:15 | 0:22:18 | |
# Octavian, my boss? | 0:22:18 | 0:22:20 | |
# I'd sooner eat my head | 0:22:20 | 0:22:22 | |
# I can't go on | 0:22:22 | 0:22:27 | |
# I must try and capture Cleo | 0:22:27 | 0:22:29 | |
# Octavian must not take me-o | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
# She'll kill herself just for me? | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
# She must adore me | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
# I'll foil Octavian with this plot | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
# She's dead | 0:22:38 | 0:22:40 | |
# Not yet, I'm not | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
# She must not die | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
# So much more popular than me | 0:22:46 | 0:22:48 | |
# And so I die | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
# This will look bad on my CV | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
# Antony and Cleo gone | 0:22:53 | 0:22:55 | |
# What a blooming pair of drama queens! | 0:22:55 | 0:23:01 | |
# So all hail me. # | 0:23:01 | 0:23:07 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
Thank you. Thank you. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:11 | |
Thank you. Yes, what an honour it is to receive this award. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:16 | |
I'd like to dedicate it to Cleopatra for being my superstar inspiration. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:23 | |
She really was drop-dead gorgeous, right until she was, | 0:23:23 | 0:23:26 | |
well, just drop-dead. | 0:23:26 | 0:23:28 | |
Oi, mate, that's my award! | 0:23:28 | 0:23:30 | |
All right, all right. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
I was only borrowing it. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:35 | |
OK, maybe I'm not such a superstar after all. | 0:23:35 | 0:23:39 | |
Turns out everyone thought my album, Sewer Town Funk, | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
was a bit of a stinker. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
Charming! | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
Not like this next historical hit, Magna Carta - | 0:23:46 | 0:23:50 | |
an agreement between King John and his barons, signed in 1215, | 0:23:50 | 0:23:55 | |
that meant no-one was above the law, not even crooked King John himself. | 0:23:55 | 0:24:00 | |
And they're still talking about this one 800 years later. | 0:24:00 | 0:24:04 | |
# Here's the story | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
# Of a very old decree | 0:24:09 | 0:24:12 | |
# Forced on King John as he made off with the revenue | 0:24:12 | 0:24:15 | |
BOTH: # Of us barons | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
# And the aristocracy | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
# He took our land and for a laugh | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
# Held our sons hostage too | 0:24:21 | 0:24:22 | |
# Magna Carta... # | 0:24:22 | 0:24:23 | |
Magna Carta? | 0:24:23 | 0:24:24 | |
# Told King John he's gotta be | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
# He's gotta be subject to law | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
# Agree tax with us too | 0:24:28 | 0:24:29 | |
-# Gave his seal... # -Gave my seal?! | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
# Then withdrew his guarantee | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
# Left to Henry III and Edward I to pass it through | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
# And I would say 800 years | 0:24:36 | 0:24:40 | |
# A birthday worth 800 cheers | 0:24:40 | 0:24:44 | |
# Since 1215, Magna Carta's been | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
# The foundation of our democracy | 0:24:47 | 0:24:51 | |
-BOTH: -# By 1500, it reads that all men are free | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
# Even peasants just like me tell kings that it's true | 0:24:54 | 0:24:58 | |
# For years, it vanished | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
-# Until Edward Cook MP... # -That's me! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
# Challenged Charles I as his own powers grew | 0:25:02 | 0:25:05 | |
-# You'd think that Cromwell -Jolly Olly | 0:25:05 | 0:25:07 | |
# Would agree, but instead he said... # | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
Magna Carta? Magna Farta more like. Not for me. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:12 | |
# I'm Thomas Jefferson | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
# And Edward Cook is the bee's knees | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
# Our American Constitution incorporated his decrees | 0:25:16 | 0:25:20 | |
# And I believe 800 years | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
# Has proved from ancient pioneers | 0:25:23 | 0:25:27 | |
# That British invention of all | 0:25:27 | 0:25:31 | |
# Apart, of course, from soccer ball | 0:25:31 | 0:25:34 | |
# Magna Carta | 0:25:34 | 0:25:35 | |
-# Super charter -Magna Carta | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
# It's a part a' | 0:25:37 | 0:25:38 | |
-ALL: -# What you're taught at school | 0:25:38 | 0:25:41 | |
-# Magna Carta -Just for starters | 0:25:41 | 0:25:43 | |
-# Magna Carta -Nothing smarter | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
# Kings, watch how you rule | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
# Eleanor Roosevelt extended | 0:25:49 | 0:25:53 | |
# This letter to America | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
# Here's the story of a very old decree | 0:25:56 | 0:26:00 | |
# And now enshrined in UN Human Rights since World War II | 0:26:00 | 0:26:04 | |
# It began as help for the aristocracy | 0:26:04 | 0:26:08 | |
# Now it's for you and me and everyone in the world too | 0:26:08 | 0:26:11 | |
ALL: # And I would hope 800 years | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
# Of freedom never disappears | 0:26:14 | 0:26:18 | |
# All hail this simple ancient law | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
# May it survive 800 more | 0:26:22 | 0:26:25 | |
# Magna Carta | 0:26:25 | 0:26:26 | |
# Super charter | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
# Magna Carta | 0:26:28 | 0:26:29 | |
# It's a part a' | 0:26:29 | 0:26:30 | |
# What you're taught at school | 0:26:30 | 0:26:32 | |
# Magna Carta | 0:26:32 | 0:26:34 | |
# Just for starters | 0:26:34 | 0:26:35 | |
# Magna Carta | 0:26:35 | 0:26:36 | |
# Nothing smarter | 0:26:36 | 0:26:37 | |
# Magna Carta rules! # | 0:26:37 | 0:26:41 | |
Oh, there you are. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
So my dreams of superstardom have been dashed. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:51 | |
And there were some really awesome tunes on my album too. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:55 | |
All About The Waste. No Place I'd Rather Wee. | 0:26:55 | 0:27:00 | |
And, my personal favourite, Shake It Off... | 0:27:00 | 0:27:03 | |
that poo on your foot. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:06 | |
Come on, only 5p a copy. Madam, 2p. Sir, 1p. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:11 | |
Anyone? | 0:27:11 | 0:27:13 | |
Oh, suit yourselves. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
But maybe if being a singing superstar isn't my thing, | 0:27:15 | 0:27:19 | |
what if I tried rapping? | 0:27:19 | 0:27:21 | |
Eh, eh? | 0:27:23 | 0:27:24 | |
If I may... | 0:27:24 | 0:27:25 | |
-HE RAPS: -# The battles were all bloody | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
# The shocking deaths not pretty | 0:27:29 | 0:27:30 | |
# But everything seems sweeter when it's told in a ditty | 0:27:30 | 0:27:33 | |
# We hope you liked this show | 0:27:33 | 0:27:35 | |
# My favourite, if you please | 0:27:35 | 0:27:36 | |
# The all-singing, dancing Horrible Musical Histories. # | 0:27:36 | 0:27:41 | |
No? Still not convinced? | 0:27:41 | 0:27:44 | |
Oh, I give up. | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
Goodbye. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's it. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:51 | |
That's a wrap on series six of Horrible Histories! | 0:27:51 | 0:27:54 | |
CHEERING | 0:27:54 | 0:27:56 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. # | 0:28:02 | 0:28:08 |