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Ridiculous Romantics

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# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

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# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights

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# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

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# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times

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# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless

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# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless

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# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages

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# Gory stories, we do that

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# And your host, a talking rat

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# The past is no longer a mystery

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# Welcome to Horrible Histories. #

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Horrible Histories presents...

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Ah, romance. Finding a perfect partner can be tricky.

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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

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That is certainly what Henry VIII did.

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He had a grand total of six wives.

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Yes, six.

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Everyone is looking for that

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special one in their life

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and for a king they must be royally special.

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Welcome to Historical First Dates.

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Henry VIII of England has arrived

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for his first date.

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Yeah, I'm pretty nervous.

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But...they tell me she's fit.

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Catherine is a princess of a powerful country

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and a devout Catholic.

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I just pray she's good at real tennis.

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-I'm Henry.

-Catherine.

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BOTH: Oh, no.

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She's also Henry's dead brother's widow.

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Seriously, does no-one check if the dates were married to your brother?

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Surely that's page one?

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Along with, does she play real tennis?

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This is a bit of a nonstarter, isn't it?

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I mean, the Tudor Church doesn't even recognise in-laws as a thing,

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so you're actually my sister.

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This is not ancient Egypt, so...

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It is a total disaster.

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I am the daughter of the most powerful king in all of Europe

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and there is not that many people my Spanish father

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would be happy with me marrying.

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Your brother was perfect...

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-till he died.

-Yeah, although you guys

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weren't married that long, were you?

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-Si. This is true.

-I could ask the Pope

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to say that you weren't married long enough for it to count,

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kind of like a four-second rule,

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when you drop a biscuit on the floor or a piece of salami.

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-Yes.

-I mean, he's bound to agree.

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-How hard can this be?

-OK.

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Then, brother, we shall be married.

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-Maybe drop the whole brother thing though, yeah?

-Will do.

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So it went pretty well?

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Si, si, I shall be marrying the heir to the throne of England...

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again. I mean, for the first time.

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The other first time did not count.

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Good time, sis. I mean, wife, not sis.

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Unfortunately, the marriage wasn't to last.

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Henry divorced Catherine of Aragon 24 years later

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and he was single again.

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Lucky fella.

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What do you mean by that?

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Ratalie, I didn't know you were there.

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You smell lovely.

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Is that Raw Sewage by Lady Gag?

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Don't you try and flatter me, Rattus.

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If you think being single is wonderful, why don't you try it?

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We are through.

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Ratalie, I don't want to be single.

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I'll have to wash my armpits and brush my whiskers

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and put in some actual effort. I've forgotten how, frankly.

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Wait, I know.

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Who are the most fashionable people in the world?

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The Italians.

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Maybe I could learn a thing or two from them.

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Bruv, you look fresh, yeah?

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Thanks, fam. So jealous of your curves, though, man.

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-They are lit.

-What? These little things?

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Yeah, bruv. What's your secret?

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Weights? Cardio?

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-Tights.

-Tights, bro?

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Tights are tight. Check this.

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Get some spare tights, you get me?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tights,

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like the must-have for every Italian Renaissance guy because they make

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you look like leggy and whatnot.

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Yeah, but these tights, fam,

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you stuff them down your shirt.

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-I call it a "buff stuff".

-Buff stuff.

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Oh, man, that is perfection!

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You got swag. Man, this is on point.

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Whoa.

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Talking of point...

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Check it.

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-Props, man.

-Man, those shoes are on fleek, yeah?

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I'm going to have to up my game.

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Man going to see you come into the room 30 seconds

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before you get in it, innit?

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They're the latest thing in Milan, man.

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Yeah, but, man, can you dance in those?

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BOTH: Whoa!

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Can I dance? Does that answer your question?

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Man is going to slay.

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Guys, guys, check this.

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Oh, yeah, bruv, you've got a little bit of bum showing there, man.

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Only a little bit? How about now?

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Nice, yes, that's the one, man.

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Keep that, yeah.

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OK, squad, we good to go?

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Yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait.

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First, selfie.

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Obviously.

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Selfie stick.

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Squeeze in together.

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-Nice.

-Hashtag Renaissance boys!

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# Ah... #

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Hello. I'm Saint Valentine,

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a very holy man, who is remembered for trying to help people find love.

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It eventually got me into a great deal of trouble and I was executed

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for doing it. A great sacrifice.

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But how do you remember me?

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By sending each other stupid cards.

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"Roses are red, violets are blue!

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"Here is a Valentine's card,

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"which has actually nothing to do with Saint Valentine."

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And 1861 was the first time...

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Well, actually, do you know what people sent each other for the first

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time in 1861?

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Was it...A, fluffy teddy bears holding a heart?

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B, boxes of chocolates, or C, heart-shaped cupcakes?

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The answer is...

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B, boxes of chocolates.

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Mr Cadbury was trying to find another use

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for his drinking chocolate,

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so he made little chocolate treats and put them in a box

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with hearts all over it. And people actually ate these silly,

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you know, delicious...

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Very delicious...

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These are very good, have you tried these?

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These are glorious. I think I might take the box.

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No...

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Right, internet dating.

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Apparently, I need to look smart and make a short video

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to show myself off. Here goes.

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Hi, my name is Rattus.

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I'm 44 centimetres tall and have all my own teeth.

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Classy.

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I'm looking for a lady who likes eating out...

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of bins...and whose name is Ratalie.

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Ratalie.

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Oh, Ratalie, why did you leave me?!

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HE SOBS

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You know, the internet is a funny place to find a date,

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but there have been much stranger ways in history.

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Tall, skinny potage mit herby sprinkles.

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-Thanks, Gertrude.

-Welcome.

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-You like her, don't you?

-What?

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Gertrude, no.

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Yeah, I do, I do. Quite a lot.

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Yeah. Well, you know what you have to do, don't you?

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Yeah, I know, I know. Go over there, talk to her,

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give her a bit of the old charm, boom.

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What? No. This is medieval Bavaria, mate.

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You don't just talk to her.

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Don't worry. It's easy.

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All you need to do is conjure up a demon.

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-A demon?

-Yeah. Conjure up a demon, demon bewitches girl,

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girl falls in love with boy and job's a good 'un.

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I think I'll go over there

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and see if she fancies a picnic.

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That is so lame.

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Do you even know how to summon a demon?

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Of course I know how to summon a demon.

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I've done it on numerous occasions, but just to check...

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How would you do that, please?

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All you need is a dove.

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DOVE COOS!

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-A dove?

-DOVE COOS!

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-Right.

-Then you need to drain the dove's blood.

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SQUELCH!

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Then use it to draw picture of the woman on a female dog skin.

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SQUELCH!

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Great. OK. So, dove's blood, dog's skin, lady picture.

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-Got it.

-Then you need to write the name of the demon

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on the dog skin drawing

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and burn some myrrh and saffron to fumigate it,

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and hang it around your neck.

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So, from the beginning, it's dove's blood, dog skin, lady picture,

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demon's name, hideous necklace.

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Yes.

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Then you need to go to a secret place,

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draw a circle in the dirt with a sword and stand in the middle.

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-And that's it?

-Yes. How would you do it?

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Pretty much the same, yeah.

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What are you waiting for, chap? Go get her!

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MAN CHANTS

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Just my luck. Now Fabian's chatting her up.

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This is really...

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Told you, dude, it's the demon dog skin.

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Do you have a girlfriend, then?

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-No.

-No.

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Did not think so.

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For some, the lightning strikes first time.

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But, for others, love can be harder to find.

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King Henry is back looking for the one...

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..or another the one.

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How's it going? I'm Henry.

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Wow!

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Fit.

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So...game on. Let's get working on this male heir, shall we?

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-You free tomorrow?

-Yes.

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-Let's get married.

-Yeah.

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I probably should have mentioned this...

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I am actually married already.

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Then divorce her.

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That's a good idea. Problem is,

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I'm a massive Catholic and we don't really do divorce.

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Plus, she hasn't really done anything wrong

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for the 17 years we've been together. It's tricky.

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It's a little bit tricky. It's tricky.

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-Goodbye.

-Wait! I have an idea.

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It looks like you managed to sort out the divorce issue.

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Yes, yes. It was actually very simple.

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All I had to do was dismantle the entire Catholic church

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throughout England and Wales, set up a brand-new church

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with myself as the head, and grant myself a divorce.

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Simples. It was actually quite a lot of work.

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I'm really happy.

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I could really lose my head over with one.

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Good times.

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Henry made Anne Boleyn his second wife,

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but just three years later he had her head chopped off.

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Still, at least they loved each other at the start.

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Some royals get married

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just to make their country richer and more powerful.

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Royal marriages can be dead complicated.

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You join us for the royal wedding of the British Prince of Wales,

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Frederick, to the German Princess Augusta.

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What a thrill it is to be here...

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at such short notice.

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King George II and Queen Caroline of Britain here.

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Frederick warmly greeting his royal parents.

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And here she is, the radiant young bride, Princess Augusta herself.

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Clinging to her mother's skirts as

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she is tenderly dragged down the aisle.

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How utterly charming.

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And of course what a whirlwind courtship it has been.

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It was only last month that Prince Frederick

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agreed to marry this woman, whom he had never met,

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so that his lovely parents would

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give him lots of their delightful money.

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Now comes that magical moment when the bride and

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groom are finally face-to-face.

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I'm expecting fireworks.

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SHE VOMITS

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What a wonderful outpouring of emotion from such a young princess.

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I think Queen Caroline may have been hit by a bit of the splashback.

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What a thoughtful and fitting tribute

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to the bride's new mother-in-law.

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I now pronounce you husband and wife.

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Augusta, of course, not understanding a word

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the Archbishop says

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as she only speaks German.

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Queen Caroline translating there,

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obviously as keen as the rest of us

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for this fragrant young woman

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to join the Royal Family...

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..and inject a bit of cash at the same time.

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Very good, very good. We're all married now, aren't we?

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Well done, me. Come on.

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Oh, you absolutely stink of vomit.

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Prince Frederick there really is head over heels for his new bride.

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Quite literally.

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Oh, simply marvellous.

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I'm welling up.

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Love works in mysterious ways.

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But even married couples can't always be together,

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and in times of war, many have found themselves separated

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from their loved ones.

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But not for these ancient Greeks.

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They took them with them.

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Men of the Sacred band of Thebes, we are famous across the world!

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Armies quake at our name

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because they know that, for every man we face,

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-they face two!

-Hoo-ha!

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We are the only regiment in the world made up of couples!

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Hoo-ha!

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Excuse me. Sorry, sorry, everyone.

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-We're late. Carry on.

-We weren't late.

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He was. Typical. A bit of forward planning wouldn't go amiss.

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Can we not do this now, please?

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-HE MOUTHS:

-I'm sorry.

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We fight in pairs because we know that, no matter what,

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when our lives are in danger, our partners will be there for us!

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That would be a nice change, wouldn't it?

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Men, on my signal,

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-march!

-Hoo-ha!

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-Hang on.

-What?!

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One second. Sorry, Malcolm.

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I really think we should talk about this now.

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I would hate for you to have this playing on your mind when you're

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supposed to be protecting me from a Spartan attack.

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Well, what if I don't want to talk now?

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What do you mean? You can't do that.

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Guys, can we please speed it up?

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I mean, we do have a battle to go to.

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I don't want to lose just because

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of some petty argument about someone being late.

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So being late isn't important?

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Two hours my mum kept that meal warm for you.

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I didn't... I didn't mean that.

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Please don't undermine me in front of my men, it's embarrassing.

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Excuse me.

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I mean, our men. Our men.

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Typical, this is so typical of you.

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-How was it typical of me?

-It's always the same.

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I don't think we should do this in front of the men.

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Well, I don't think we should be doing it but we are.

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-OK.

-All right, all right.

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If we all argue, we will miss the battle.

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Not like you to miss something.

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Oh, here we go again.

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-Yes, here we go again, actually.

-Unbelievable.

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THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

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You wait a minute.

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See? This is why we Spartans don't allow couples in our army.

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Hey, don't push him, please.

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Shove-y Sheila.

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-Shall we attack?

-I'm not getting in the middle of that.

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Together at last,

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the most romantic love letters of all-time set to music,

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featuring their original words...

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Including the ancient Egyptian classic...

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# Ooh, aah

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# My heart is carefree

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# Like a redfish in its fish pond

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# Your voice rejuvenates me like fat

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# Mixed with honey

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# Your love has joined to me like incense to the nose

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# I'm exhilarated without beer

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# He's exhilarated without beer

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# Without beer!

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# Yeah, yeah, without beer! #

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And the soaring love letters of

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Russian Czar Nicholas II and Czarina Alexandra.

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# You are my very life, sweetheart

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# Off you go again alone

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# No more kisses and tender caresses for so long

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# I love you, I long for you terribly

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# I kiss you tenderly and love you infinitely

0:15:280:15:31

# Farewell till our next meeting, my darling Alexey

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# Yours eternally, your old hubby, Nicky. #

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Peace out.

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And from the Emperor of France and his notorious lover

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comes the country ballad that took Europe by storm. Well, most of it.

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# Josephine, Josephine, Josephine, Josephine

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# Not a word from you, what on earth have I done?

0:15:500:15:54

# To think only of you, to love only Josephine

0:15:540:15:57

# To live only for my wife

0:15:570:15:59

# Does this deserve such harsh treatment from her?

0:15:590:16:01

# You alone who rules my heart knows only too well

0:16:020:16:05

# The power you hold over me

0:16:050:16:08

# Write to me, think of me and love me

0:16:080:16:10

# Josephine! #

0:16:100:16:11

Yours ever for life, Bonaparte.

0:16:130:16:15

It's drippy, it's soppy

0:16:200:16:22

and you need a copy.

0:16:220:16:24

Order it now.

0:16:240:16:25

Some are lucky in love.

0:16:290:16:31

They meet the woman of their dream

0:16:310:16:33

and then spend the rest of their life with them.

0:16:330:16:35

Others just chopped their heads off.

0:16:350:16:38

King Henry is back looking for the next,

0:16:380:16:40

next special one in his life.

0:16:400:16:43

The specially special special one.

0:16:430:16:46

Hi, hi, hi.

0:16:460:16:47

How's it going?

0:16:490:16:51

-Henry.

-Jane Seymour.

0:16:510:16:53

Look, I'm... I'm sorry if I don't seem in a great mood.

0:16:530:16:55

I'm just getting over a pretty tough break-up.

0:16:550:16:58

I'm sorry to hear that. You must be heartbroken.

0:16:580:17:00

Yes. Well, to be fair, it's harder on her.

0:17:000:17:03

I mean, she is in bits.

0:17:030:17:05

GUILLOTINE SLICES

0:17:050:17:07

Look, do you want to get married? I need a male heir pretty sharpish.

0:17:070:17:10

Yes? Great. Cheque.

0:17:120:17:14

Henry, you look really happy.

0:17:140:17:17

Well, I am. Really happy.

0:17:170:17:18

She's the best one yet. She's a winner.

0:17:200:17:22

A keeper. Not a divorcey.

0:17:220:17:25

Not a, you know, choppy.

0:17:250:17:27

She's a keeper AND she's brilliant at real tennis.

0:17:270:17:30

-Fantastic drop shot.

-Good times...

0:17:300:17:33

-I hope.

-Yes.

0:17:330:17:35

BELL TOLLS

0:17:350:17:37

She died.

0:17:370:17:38

Yeah. Pretty upset about that, actually.

0:17:380:17:40

King Henry is back.

0:17:420:17:44

Blah, blah, blah. Yadda, yadda. Special one in his life.

0:17:440:17:46

Blah, blah, you know.

0:17:460:17:48

Hey. How's it going?

0:17:480:17:50

I'm...

0:17:500:17:52

not...Henry VIII.

0:17:520:17:54

Wrong restaurant.

0:17:540:17:56

Taxi!

0:17:570:17:58

Henry, tell us what happened.

0:17:590:18:02

So we kind of had to get married in the end.

0:18:020:18:04

Politics. But we got divorced straight after and I gave her

0:18:040:18:08

a bunch of properties, so she can live off the rent and it's all

0:18:080:18:11

pretty much cool, basically. Yeah.

0:18:110:18:14

I'm straight back in to the next one,

0:18:140:18:16

which could be the one.

0:18:160:18:18

Or the...third.

0:18:190:18:20

Or fourth. Which one is it?

0:18:210:18:24

The fifth.

0:18:240:18:25

King Henry just kept rushing into marriage after marriage.

0:18:280:18:32

You wouldn't catch me doing that.

0:18:320:18:33

My name is Rattus and I'll marry anyone

0:18:350:18:37

who will go on a date with me.

0:18:370:18:39

They don't even have to come to the wedding.

0:18:390:18:42

Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

0:18:420:18:44

Take a look at this couple.

0:18:440:18:45

We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of

0:18:460:18:50

King Alfonso III, King of Aragon, and Princess Eleanor.

0:18:500:18:54

Oi! That is not Eleanor.

0:18:550:18:57

-Is it?

-Eleanor cannot be here today,

0:18:580:19:00

it is a long way to travel from England,

0:19:000:19:02

but John De Vesci is here as her proxy.

0:19:020:19:06

Delighted to meet you.

0:19:060:19:07

No need to do the voice.

0:19:070:19:09

I'm definitely not marrying this man in a dress.

0:19:090:19:12

No, no. I told him the dress was not necessary but he insisted.

0:19:120:19:15

Well, you can't blame me for wanting to look nice.

0:19:150:19:18

It's supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

0:19:180:19:20

No, because you are not Princess Eleanor.

0:19:200:19:22

It is not the happiest day of your life,

0:19:220:19:24

it is the happiest day of her life.

0:19:240:19:25

It's definitely not going to be the happiest day of my life if I have to

0:19:250:19:29

-marry him.

-He is not your wife.

0:19:290:19:31

-Yet.

-John!

0:19:310:19:33

Stop it. Ready?

0:19:330:19:36

Do you, King Alfonso,

0:19:360:19:38

take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

0:19:380:19:43

-Sorry, who am I again?

-King Alfonso the III.

0:19:440:19:46

OK, but I don't know if I can do his voice.

0:19:460:19:49

You can absolutely do his voice

0:19:490:19:51

because you are King Alfonso III.

0:19:510:19:53

Oh! Si, claro! Got it.

0:19:530:19:56

Good point. OK, let's do this.

0:19:560:19:58

Do you, Princess Eleanor,

0:19:580:20:00

take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?

0:20:000:20:03

-I do!

-No, you don't!

0:20:030:20:05

You are King Alfonso III.

0:20:050:20:07

I'm not asking you!

0:20:070:20:08

I do. I promised I wouldn't cry, but...

0:20:080:20:12

By the power vested in me, you are now man and wife.

0:20:120:20:16

You may now kiss the bride.

0:20:160:20:18

No! What are you doing?! That is the best man!

0:20:180:20:22

How could you?

0:20:220:20:24

OK, you're married, I'm out of here. Peace out.

0:20:240:20:26

BELLS RING

0:20:260:20:27

Please! Don't be like this!

0:20:270:20:30

Come back, darling!

0:20:300:20:31

I'm Shah Jahan, a Mughal emperor of India.

0:20:330:20:37

I'm just showing my builders how big I want my Taj Mahal to be.

0:20:370:20:41

No, no, bigger!

0:20:410:20:42

I want snow on the top!

0:20:420:20:44

When it's finished, my Taj Mahal will be spectacular,

0:20:460:20:50

but can you tell me why I'm building it?

0:20:500:20:54

Is it A, to say thank you to my

0:20:540:20:57

favourite wife for making me a delicious pudding,

0:20:570:21:01

B, to apologise to my favourite wife for leaving the toilet seat up, or

0:21:010:21:05

C, a tribute to my favourite wife as she has sadly passed away?

0:21:050:21:08

The answer is C, a tribute to my favourite wife

0:21:090:21:12

after she sadly passed away.

0:21:120:21:14

I started building it in 1632 as a romantic gesture

0:21:150:21:19

to honour the memory of my late wife.

0:21:190:21:21

It's such a shame when your favourite wife dies.

0:21:210:21:25

Yes, I've got others but she was the best.

0:21:250:21:28

No, no, bigger. You know that thing you've just built?

0:21:280:21:31

That but bigger.

0:21:310:21:34

You just can't get the staff these days.

0:21:340:21:36

So Shah Jahan dedicated his Taj Mahal to his lost love.

0:21:400:21:44

But even when you have found love, it can still be difficult.

0:21:440:21:48

In France, Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI celebrated their wedding

0:21:480:21:52

with a lavish ceremony and thousands of well-wishers.

0:21:520:21:55

Then, as the day drew to a close,

0:21:550:21:57

they looked forward to spending some quality time

0:21:570:22:00

alone together, or did they?

0:22:000:22:02

So here we are alone, my wife,

0:22:030:22:06

on our wedding night.

0:22:060:22:08

Just you and me.

0:22:080:22:10

-Oh!

-Oh!

-Oh! >

0:22:100:22:12

So sweet! >

0:22:120:22:14

Just you and me and the courtiers, who follow our every move.

0:22:140:22:18

Oh, don't mind us, Marie Antoinette. We are not here.

0:22:180:22:21

Yeah, but you kind of are, though.

0:22:210:22:24

This is the Royal Court.

0:22:240:22:26

There is no privacy here.

0:22:260:22:27

We watch everything - royal deaths, royal weddings, even royal births.

0:22:270:22:31

Oh, I love a good birth.

0:22:310:22:33

Oh, me too.

0:22:330:22:34

So cute.

0:22:340:22:35

So gross.

0:22:350:22:37

But don't worry, you can rely on us

0:22:370:22:39

to tell everyone else all about it tomorrow.

0:22:390:22:42

Er, what do we do now?

0:22:420:22:44

I think perhaps a kiss is traditional.

0:22:440:22:49

-A kiss, that is the thing with the...

-Oui.

0:22:490:22:53

I think it goes something like...

0:22:530:22:54

ALL: Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

0:22:570:23:01

That is not how you kiss, your Highness.

0:23:010:23:03

You put your mouth together like this.

0:23:030:23:05

Yeah, like an angry trout.

0:23:060:23:07

No, no, no. It should be more like a salmon.

0:23:070:23:11

-A cross salmon.

-Who wants to kiss a salmon?

0:23:110:23:13

A mackerel, your Highness.

0:23:130:23:15

-Like a mackerel.

-A cod. Cod.

0:23:150:23:19

No.

0:23:190:23:20

No, no, no. This kissing business is too difficult.

0:23:200:23:23

I want to play with my clocks.

0:23:230:23:24

You don't have to kiss a clock.

0:23:240:23:26

In fact, it is discouraged.

0:23:260:23:27

Right. OK.

0:23:280:23:30

I've had enough of this. Everyone out of the bedroom, please.

0:23:300:23:33

Come on. Out! Allez!

0:23:330:23:35

I cannot think why.

0:23:350:23:37

Party pooper.

0:23:370:23:39

Everyone. Yes.

0:23:390:23:41

I can see you. Off you pop.

0:23:450:23:47

Not you.

0:23:480:23:50

Oh, second thoughts, night-night.

0:23:510:23:55

He is back. Number five. I give up.

0:24:010:24:03

HE SPEAKS FRENCH

0:24:030:24:05

Easy, easy, easy, easy.

0:24:050:24:08

OK. I've been divorced, executed one wife and another died.

0:24:110:24:16

But I'm the King, so you have to marry me.

0:24:160:24:19

OK. I'm Katherine Howard.

0:24:190:24:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

0:24:210:24:24

Who's this guy?

0:24:240:24:25

I'm Thomas Culpeper.

0:24:250:24:26

-I'm her boyf...

-..frumple. Boyfrumple.

0:24:260:24:28

-It's a new word for servant, or assistant.

-Ow!

0:24:280:24:31

Henry, I can't help noticing that Catherine isn't with you.

0:24:340:24:38

No. Turns out there was something going on with that young man.

0:24:380:24:42

Amazing. I was told he was a boyfrumple.

0:24:420:24:45

Who knew?

0:24:450:24:47

Anyway, had to have her executed, naturally.

0:24:470:24:50

It was a shame but it does mean I'm back on the market.

0:24:500:24:54

To be honest, I'm getting on a bit.

0:24:550:24:57

What I really need is a nurse.

0:24:570:24:59

-What's your name?

-Catherine Parr.

0:25:010:25:04

Do you want to get married, Catherine?

0:25:040:25:06

You'll be pretty much the same as now,

0:25:060:25:08

except you'll be wearing diamonds

0:25:080:25:09

and when you help me into the room next time everyone will address you

0:25:090:25:12

as "Your Majesty".

0:25:120:25:14

Erm, yeah, OK, cool.

0:25:140:25:16

Great. Good times.

0:25:160:25:18

-You still have to wipe bot-bot though.

-Hmm.

0:25:180:25:21

Oh, sorry.

0:25:230:25:25

Catherine Parr was the last of Henry's six wives

0:25:260:25:30

and they were still married when he died,

0:25:300:25:32

so he kind of has a happy ending and so do me and Ratalie.

0:25:320:25:36

We are back together and I'm going to ask her to marry me.

0:25:360:25:41

Oh, Ratalie.

0:25:410:25:43

Please accept this ring of 100% pure cheese and make me

0:25:430:25:48

the happiest rat in the world.

0:25:480:25:51

Oh, Rattus, of course.

0:25:510:25:53

Hang on, where's the ring?

0:25:530:25:56

Oh, I ate that. I was hoping you'd be happy with the box.

0:25:560:25:59

SHE SCREAMS

0:25:590:26:01

Oh, well. Looks like I'm single again. I guess it's not all bad.

0:26:030:26:06

This famous 18th-century Italian certainly seemed to enjoy himself.

0:26:080:26:11

Take it away, Casanova.

0:26:110:26:13

# Hey, come on over

0:26:220:26:23

# I'll tell you the story of Casanova

0:26:230:26:25

# I'm the hobo who...

0:26:250:26:29

# Me, a musician, spy, diplomat, dandy, physician

0:26:290:26:32

# Gambler, soldier, broker, self-taught

0:26:320:26:34

# Catholic priest, astronaut

0:26:340:26:37

# OK, that last was a lie

0:26:370:26:38

# But none of this what I am

0:26:380:26:40

# Remembered by

0:26:400:26:42

# I can't work out

0:26:420:26:44

# Oo-ooh, just look at those eyes

0:26:440:26:45

# Such well-dressed eyes

0:26:450:26:47

# I, of all the guys I, I drive them wild

0:26:480:26:51

# Helped cure a senator having a fit

0:26:510:26:54

# In noble circles I became a hit

0:26:540:26:58

# Allowed me to adopt this lifestyle to wit

0:26:590:27:02

# To wit, to wit

0:27:020:27:05

# He's well lush and we know it

0:27:050:27:07

# He's tasty and he show it

0:27:090:27:11

# Claim to write for Mozart

0:27:130:27:15

# But mostly care about breaking girls' hearts

0:27:150:27:17

# Bought jewels, gave up prayers

0:27:170:27:19

# My mind too busy on other affairs

0:27:190:27:20

# Invented the lottery, France a big fan

0:27:200:27:24

# But falling in love is still my big plan

0:27:240:27:28

# Till one lady said

0:27:280:27:30

# You dirty old man

0:27:300:27:31

# Old man, old man

0:27:310:27:34

# I was past it and I knew it

0:27:340:27:36

# No love life and I blew it

0:27:380:27:40

# Lost confidence in love and fighting

0:27:430:27:45

# Dedicate my life to writing

0:27:450:27:46

# Wave goodbye to Casanova

0:27:460:27:48

# My life as a great lover over

0:27:480:27:50

# He wrote this book, Story Of My Life

0:27:500:27:52

# Every love affair and cheating wife

0:27:520:27:54

# 130 all said and done

0:27:540:27:56

# You wriggled your way out of every one

0:27:560:27:58

# Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, wriggle

0:27:580:27:59

# Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, wriggle

0:27:590:28:01

# Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, wriggle

0:28:010:28:04

# I was well lush and I knew it

0:28:040:28:07

# But that life I outgrew it

0:28:070:28:08

# A new life thought I'd try it now

0:28:080:28:10

# Librarian, so quiet. #

0:28:100:28:12

Shhhhh!

0:28:120:28:13

Hello, again. Oh, no, that's an English accent. Sorry.

0:28:160:28:19

Forgot I was French.

0:28:190:28:21

Alfonso! How could you?

0:28:210:28:25

Ay...caramba!

0:28:250:28:27

# The past is no longer a mystery

0:28:270:28:29

# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #

0:28:290:28:34

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