Staggering Storytellers Horrible Histories
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Transcript
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|---|---|---|---|
# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians, Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless | 0:00:12 | 0:00:13 | |
# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories, we do that | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
# And your host, a talking rat | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
# Welcome to... | 0:00:26 | 0:00:27 | |
# Horrible Histories. # | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
Horrible Histories presents... Staggering Storytellers! | 0:00:33 | 0:00:38 | |
From the dawn of time, | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
mankind has been fascinated by the power of stories. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:45 | |
In time of mighty warrior, one man hunt for food. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:54 | |
-WHISPERING: -I'm so sorry. So sorry. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
-Ow! -Thank you. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
-Sorry. -Ssh! | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
Him brave man. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
Big spear! | 0:01:03 | 0:01:04 | |
Why's he talking like that? | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Him run over by mammoth. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
Sorry, don't know why I'm talking like that. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
-He was run over by a mammoth. -Oh. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
Oh, here you go. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
-What? I asked for a large. -It's all they had left. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
In time of hunger, one man fight mighty bison! | 0:01:19 | 0:01:24 | |
BISON NOISE | 0:01:24 | 0:01:25 | |
Hey, isn't that that same stick man that we saw in the other one, | 0:01:25 | 0:01:29 | |
-you know, about the tiger? Oh, what was his name? Um... -Not sure. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:33 | |
No, Um. That's his name. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
Oh, OK. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
Him fight many more animal. Antelope. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
ANTELOPE CALLS THEY GASP | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
Wild boar. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
BOAR GRUNTS | 0:01:42 | 0:01:43 | |
Wolf! | 0:01:43 | 0:01:44 | |
WOLF HOWLS | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
Action montage! | 0:01:45 | 0:01:46 | |
ANIMALS ROAR AND GROWL | 0:01:46 | 0:01:50 | |
The special effects are amazing. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
It's CGI - Cave Generated Imagery. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
Spear! | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
Blood! | 0:02:02 | 0:02:03 | |
Animal fall off cliff. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
The end. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:10 | |
Still showing Bison Chase Two - This Time It Personal. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
Plus, Ice Age. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
Oh, what's that about? | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
No, actual Ice Age. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
Cave shut for ages. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:22 | |
Well, at least we'll save money on the baby-sitter. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
Yes, it's true! | 0:02:26 | 0:02:27 | |
People used to tell stories using pictures, | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
long before they had written words. Probably mostly about hunting. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:35 | |
Now, even I can hunt. But can I write a great story? | 0:02:35 | 0:02:40 | |
Something about a brave, handsome rat... | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
Hm... | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
Maybe, if I meet some famous writers, I can get some tips! | 0:02:45 | 0:02:49 | |
Ow, ow, ow! | 0:02:50 | 0:02:52 | |
Not THOSE kinds of tips, you...Neanderthal! | 0:02:52 | 0:02:56 | |
Hello. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
I'm well-known writer DH Lawrence. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
I wrote important novels, including Women In Love and The Rainbow. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:09 | |
But when I'm struggling to think of something to write, | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
I climb a mulberry tree. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
Naked. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:15 | |
-Oh! -Morning! | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
SQUEAKING | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
Bonus tip, check for squirrels BEFORE you take your clothes off. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
Oh! | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
Friendly fellow. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:27 | |
Welcome to The Great Storytellers Bake Off. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
Our bakers are all children's authors, | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
so today's Showstopper Challenge | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
is to create a feast for a birthday party. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:38 | |
Hello. Now. Who are you? | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
Dahl. Roald Dahl. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
And I'm concocting nish nobblers and snozcumbers, | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
with a splendiferous fudge mallow delight. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
Plus edible teacups. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
Sounds a bit basic, don't you think, Mary? | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
-We'll see. -Yeah, we will. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
I'm Enid Blyton. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
I shall be making sardine sandwiches with ginger pop | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
and lashings of boiled eggs - | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
every child's absolute favourite meal. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
-And what about a cake? -Oh, they won't have time for cake. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:15 | |
They'll be off having adventures and chasing smugglers! | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
Well, sounds a bit risky, don't you think, Mary? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
Chasing smugglers? | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
No. The sardines and boiled eggs! | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
Hope it's not a sleepover. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:04:26 | 0:04:27 | |
Gas Mark ten. Oof! | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
And our third contestant is... | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
Lewis Carroll. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:38 | |
And I will be making a drink | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
that makes you smaller, | 0:04:40 | 0:04:41 | |
and a cake that makes you bigger. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
Don't all cakes make you bigger? | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
Well, you should know. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:47 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:04:47 | 0:04:48 | |
-On your marks, get set, bake! -On your marks, get set, bake! | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
It's time to see how our contestants have got on. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:08 | |
First up, bestselling author Roald Dahl. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
A spaghetti cake? | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
It's a bit, er, wriggly. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
Yes, it's worm spaghetti. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:22 | |
It's raw in the middle! | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
I rather like it. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:26 | |
Hello. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
And next, we have Enid Blyton. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
The end. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
Now. Enid. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
I think I'll try one of your... | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
ooh, edible teacups! | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
MARY SPLUTTERS | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
HE was the one with the edible teacups. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
Scrum-diddly-umptious! | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
And lastly, author of Alice in Wonderland, | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
Lewis Carroll. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:53 | |
Behold! | 0:05:54 | 0:05:55 | |
The greatest party food ever created. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:59 | |
"Drink me!" OK. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
HE GASPS | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
Oh, I'm shrinking! I'm shrinking! | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
How will I ever get big again? | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
Maybe I should have one of these biscuits? | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom! | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
You haven't baked anything, have you? | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
No. I haven't, no. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
Judging is the hardest part of the show. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
But I suppose this week's Star Baker is... | 0:06:25 | 0:06:29 | |
..ro...ee...oo...lee...oo... | 0:06:30 | 0:06:36 | |
Enid! | 0:06:36 | 0:06:37 | |
Oh, hurrah and huzzah! Jolly good effort, I say. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:41 | |
And the holidays have only just begun! | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
Here's to many more adventures in our secret tent. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:46 | |
Is it possible for someone to be Star Baker, | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
-AND be sent home? -Yes. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
Did anyone see my cake wriggle past? | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
Oh, hello again! | 0:06:55 | 0:06:56 | |
Roald Dahl here. Now. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
I wrote lots of wonder-fabulous books for children. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
But what was my job when I was a boy? | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
Did I work as... | 0:07:04 | 0:07:05 | |
The answer is... | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
A! I worked as a taster for a chocolate factory. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
And I can still do it. Watch. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
See? Now, I can tell, just from one tiny bite, | 0:07:21 | 0:07:24 | |
that I'm going to eat the entire thing. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
ELEPHANTS TRUMPET | 0:07:28 | 0:07:29 | |
On with my story. Oh, no, | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
I've forgotten my quill! Excuse I. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:35 | |
SQUAWKING | 0:07:35 | 0:07:36 | |
You've got a whole bottomful, I only want one! | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
There we are. Now. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
The best stories often have an important meaning. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
Hm. Maybe I could learn something | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
from this famous Indian storyteller. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
I have brought a great wise man to teach you | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
with the power of his stories. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
Welcome, the great Vishnu Sharma. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:01 | |
'Sup, kids? | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
Storyteller in da house, | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
whoop, whoop! Woo! | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
You like animal stories, yeah? | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
Who likes turtles? | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
Sweet! | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
Well, this turtle wants to move, yeah? | 0:08:17 | 0:08:21 | |
So he gets a stick in his mouth | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
and two herons either side to fly him to the new gaff. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:27 | |
The herons tell him to keep his mouth shut or he'll fall, get me? | 0:08:27 | 0:08:32 | |
And he opens his mouth to say, "OK!" | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
And BAM! | 0:08:35 | 0:08:36 | |
Serious shellshock for Mr Turtle. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:39 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
Yeah, so! | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
What's the moral there, guys? | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
-Never trust a heron? -No. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
-Turtles talk too much? -No. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
-Never bite a stick? -No. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
It's, "Always listen to the advice of friends." Yeah? | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
Why not just say that? | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
Because you'll remember it better through the magic of stories! So... | 0:08:57 | 0:09:03 | |
once there was a king with a pet monkey. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
And the monkey protected the king while he slept. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
Then one day, as he was sleeping, | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
a fly landed on his chest. Yeah? | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
And the monkey, like, attacked the fly with a sword | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
and killed the king! | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
-Moral me up! -Well, that one's easy. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
-ALL: -Don't give swords to monkeys. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
No! | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
It's, "A foolish friend can cause you more harm than your enemy." | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
-And never employ a monkey as bodyguard. -No! | 0:09:27 | 0:09:31 | |
So we SHOULD get a monkey bodyguard? I told you, Dad! | 0:09:31 | 0:09:35 | |
All right, yeah, yeah, I'll look into it. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
But I'm not arming him! | 0:09:38 | 0:09:39 | |
Yeah, I got that from your story. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
No, you did... That's not... | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
Oh, you know what. Just forget it. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
You can teach yourselves. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
Could the monkey have a shield? | 0:09:49 | 0:09:51 | |
That's just what I was thinking. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
Hello. I'm very serious writer George Eliot. | 0:09:57 | 0:10:01 | |
My advice for women writers | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
in Victorian times is, "if you want to be taken seriously, | 0:10:03 | 0:10:07 | |
"pretend to be a man." | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
George! You coming to the boxing? | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
-GRUFF VOICE: -I wouldn't miss it for the world, mate. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
That's what I did. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
I even changed my name. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
My real name is Mary Ann Evans. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
-GRUFF VOICE: -I'll be with you in a minute, lads. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
I've just got to pop to the ladies. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
I-I mean gents. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
I've got a massive thunder trump brewing! | 0:10:27 | 0:10:31 | |
You see? I'm a very convincing man. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
-SHE FARTS REPEATEDLY -Oh. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
I think that last part's coming true. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
Now, back to my story. I think I'm going to write a comedy. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:45 | |
It's funny when other people fall over or get bonked on the head. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:48 | |
Ow! | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
I said OTHER people. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
Now, you know they didn't even have comedy stories | 0:10:53 | 0:10:57 | |
until the ancient Greek playwright Aristophanes invented them? | 0:10:57 | 0:11:01 | |
Up to then, it had been tragedies all the way. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:05 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
Maestro, you sent for me? | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
We actors await your new tragedy with bated breath. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
Well, actually, Larocles, I thought I'd try something... | 0:11:12 | 0:11:16 | |
a little bit different for this play. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
I'm calling it "comedy". | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
Co-ma-dy? | 0:11:22 | 0:11:23 | |
Have a look at this. This is a joke. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
What do you get if you cross an Athenian with a Spartan? | 0:11:27 | 0:11:31 | |
A dead Athenian. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:32 | |
ARISTOPHANES LAUGHS | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
Oh, woe! Poor Athenian! | 0:11:35 | 0:11:39 | |
Plucked from us in the prime...! | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
-No, no. -It was too much, wasn't it? | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
No, it's not sad. It's just funny. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
Perhaps I'm not explaining myself. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
MUSIC: Tragedy by Steps | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
# Tragedy is a story where the end is sad... # | 0:11:52 | 0:11:58 | |
-Of course. -HE GROANS | 0:11:58 | 0:12:00 | |
# Now just try and imagine everyone is glad... # | 0:12:00 | 0:12:06 | |
OK. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:07 | |
# We still fight | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
# But instead of killing just say, "all right" | 0:12:09 | 0:12:13 | |
# Life's too short for enmity | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
# Hostility | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
# Let's just agree to disagree | 0:12:19 | 0:12:24 | |
# Comedy! | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
# When you've had enough of people dying | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
# Comedy! | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
# Take a break and laugh at that man lying flat on his back | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
# Slipped on a banana skin - how funny's that? # | 0:12:33 | 0:12:37 | |
It's funny! | 0:12:37 | 0:12:38 | |
# Comedy! | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
# Sure the punters would pay good money | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
# Comedy! | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
# Falling down - now that is funny | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
# Oh, what a gas | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
# Did not see it coming... # | 0:12:49 | 0:12:50 | |
Ah! | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
Now, that is top class. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
SMASHING | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
There were lots of stories in the old days, | 0:12:56 | 0:12:57 | |
but there weren't many books. | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
So if you wanted to hear a story, you had to find someone | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
who knew it off by heart and get them to tell it to you. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
But all that changed with the printing press. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
Finally, people could get hold of any book they wanted. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:11 | |
Although not straight away, of course. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
MUTTERING | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
Hello. I'm trying to get hold of a printed book in English. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:24 | |
Oh, well, you've come to the right place, sir. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
I am William Caxton, | 0:13:27 | 0:13:28 | |
and I have printed the first-ever book in English. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
The History Of Troy by Raoul Lefevre. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
Would you like a bag? | 0:13:36 | 0:13:37 | |
What I'm looking for is a copy of the tales of King Arthur. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:41 | |
Right, I'm afraid I don't have that one. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:45 | |
But I do have this, the History Of Troy. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
Is it worth you checking your stockroom? | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
No, it's not, because at the moment this is the only book | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
printed in English in the whole world. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
Did you say you wanted a bag, or...? | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
-Do you have any biographies? -No. | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
-Thrillers? -No. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:00 | |
-Teen vampire fiction? -No. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
An adventure involving some talking animals | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
-on a hazardous cross-country journey? Think Madagascar. -No. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
No, because this is the only option. There are no other books! | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
Maybe I should check somewhere else. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
No, it doesn't matter which bookshop you go to, | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
they're all going to say the same thing. And that is that I, | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
William Caxton, have printed the first-ever book in English. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:21 | |
-Then I am definitely in the right place. -Yes! | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
May I please have a copy of... | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
the tales of King Arthur? | 0:14:25 | 0:14:27 | |
Get out. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:29 | |
You know what, this book is not half bad. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:33 | |
OK, on with my story. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
Hmm. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:39 | |
What I need are some top characters that people are going to remember. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:44 | |
Could be something scary, like a monster... Grr! | 0:14:44 | 0:14:48 | |
Or a wizard. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:49 | |
"You shall not pass!" | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
Oh, oh, oh! What about a detective? | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
No-one's written about a detective before, have they? | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
What's that? | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
Oh. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:01 | |
Ah! My husband! He's been murdered. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:07 | |
I need a brilliant but eccentric detective | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
with a lovable but dim-witted companion. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
And I am here. The great Hercule Poirot. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
And my loyal ami, Captain Hastings. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
Good day. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:20 | |
I think you'll find she's talking about me. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
-Sherlock Holmes, and my good friend, Dr Watson. -Best friend! | 0:15:23 | 0:15:27 | |
Or could it be me? | 0:15:27 | 0:15:30 | |
Chevalier Auguste Dupin, and my faithful companion... | 0:15:30 | 0:15:34 | |
Well, he doesn't have a name, but you get the idea. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
-Dupin? Never heard of you. -Me either. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
I don't care who you are, there's been a murder! | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
Yes, and I am here to solve this terrible crime. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:47 | |
But I was here first. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
Actually, I was written by Edgar Allan Poe in 1841, | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
that's 45 years before either of you, | 0:15:53 | 0:15:56 | |
which makes me the first detective in the history of stories. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:59 | |
The first, maybe. But not the best. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
Even Arthur Conan Doyle said I was the best. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
Eh? | 0:16:05 | 0:16:06 | |
He mentioned me in two of your stories. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:10 | |
Well, YOU only have three of your own adventures, | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
-whereas -I -am featured in four novels and 56 stories. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:16 | |
Not that I'm counting. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
Pah! I am in 33 novels, over 50 stories and a play. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:22 | |
Not to mention the TV series and the movies. Plus... | 0:16:22 | 0:16:25 | |
..this tea towel, available at 5.99 | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
from all good retailers. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
That's actually not bad value... | 0:16:30 | 0:16:31 | |
Look, I think you'll find the most portrayed movie character | 0:16:31 | 0:16:34 | |
of all time is... | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
me. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:37 | |
Um...about my husband? | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
-Madame, it is not all about you. -No-one cares. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
Neither of you two would have ever existed if it wasn't for me, | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
Chevalier Auguste Dupin. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:47 | |
Du-pointe-less, more like. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:48 | |
Du-pants, I should have said before you. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
HE YAWNS | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
Sorry. SHE GASPS | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
I was looking for a button down the back of the sofa, | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
and I fell asleep. What am I like? Found it! | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
-Of course you found it. -I... -I knew all along that it... | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
-Obviously, I could see... -It was elementary... | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
-..he was breathing. -Zut alors! | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
Oh, sorry, I think I just leant on the light switch. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
Hello. I'm Beatrix Potter. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
And I wrote all those lovely stories | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
about talking frogs, and kittens, and rabbits. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
But if I wanted to make up some nasty things, | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
I'd write them in code, so that only I could understand them. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
My tip for you is that if you're writing in code, | 0:17:29 | 0:17:33 | |
always try and remember what that code is. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:37 | |
I wish I'd done that. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
I-I have literally no idea what this says. I... | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
Something about jam? | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
THUNDER ROLLS | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
Rain, gloom and despair. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
A distant volcano has pulled a veil over the sun. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:55 | |
Let us meet this dread ambience with ghost stories. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
If you dare, Polidori? | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
Yeah, that's a great idea, Byron. Yeah, I've got one, actually. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
Oh. Of course. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
Well, you go first, I suppose. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
So, the main character, he's an attractive, dangerous, | 0:18:08 | 0:18:14 | |
British noble man. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:16 | |
Sounds familiar. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:17 | |
But he harbours a dark, bloody, secret. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
I do? He does? | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
He sucks his wife's blood. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
He is called... | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
the Vampyre! | 0:18:28 | 0:18:30 | |
Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
Ha... I-I thought I'd left something...behind there. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
-Anyway, my story. -I've got one. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
Ugh. Mary Shelley. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
Well, this should be good. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:51 | |
What are you, 12? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
What's it about? | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
Losing your pencil case? | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
I'm 18. | 0:18:57 | 0:18:58 | |
It's about a science student called Frankenstein, | 0:18:58 | 0:19:02 | |
who creates a monster by stitching together | 0:19:02 | 0:19:06 | |
bits...of...dead...bodies. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
Oh, cripes! | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
On his wedding night, the monster finds the student's wife... | 0:19:11 | 0:19:16 | |
Run for your life, woman! | 0:19:16 | 0:19:17 | |
..and murders her! | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! | 0:19:19 | 0:19:24 | |
OK, now I'm finished! | 0:19:28 | 0:19:29 | |
Yeah, there's, er, definitely something with the, um... | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
Yeah, yeah, there's definitely... | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
It might be the pelmet up top, actually... | 0:19:36 | 0:19:37 | |
-Pelmet, probably the pelmet. -Your go, Byron. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:40 | |
Oh, it's, er... It's getting late. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
I, um... I think I may just go upstairs and hide...er, sleep. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:47 | |
Come on, Byron, we've both told a story. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:50 | |
Now it's your turn. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:51 | |
Oh, er, all right. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:53 | |
Um... | 0:19:53 | 0:19:54 | |
Look out, there's a monster! | 0:19:54 | 0:19:55 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
That is literally the rubbishest story I've ever heard. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:00 | |
No, I'm serious. My pet bear has escaped. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:02 | |
Ooh! | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
BEAR ROARS | 0:20:04 | 0:20:05 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
Who's scared now? | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
Argh! | 0:20:09 | 0:20:10 | |
WHISPERS: It's true! | 0:20:13 | 0:20:14 | |
Polidori and Mary Shelley really did come up with... | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
..the Vampyre and Frankenstein on the same night. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:23 | |
Have they gone? | 0:20:23 | 0:20:25 | |
Phew! I'm definitely not doing a horror story. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
What I need is a good plot and some great characters. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
Once I've got that, maybe I'll be able to write stories | 0:20:35 | 0:20:38 | |
as good as the ones these incredible writers came up with. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:42 | |
Take it away, ladies! | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
MUSIC: Black Magic by Little Mix | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
# All the girls writing books knocking at your door | 0:20:46 | 0:20:49 | |
# Know how to tell a story so that you want more | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
# There was a time when only misters | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
# Wrote the books but now the sisters | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
# Have started doing it for themselves | 0:21:04 | 0:21:07 | |
# We were told cooking's all we could do | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
# So we invented a magic stew | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
# Of books that are flying off the shelves | 0:21:12 | 0:21:15 | |
# The girls were always looked upon | 0:21:16 | 0:21:18 | |
# As being weaker | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
# Don't say that to Hetty Feather | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
# Or Tracy Beaker | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
# Why do people so love stories? | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
# Cos from cradle to the grave | 0:21:27 | 0:21:29 | |
# These stories help us work out | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
# How we should behave | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
# Ooh, oo-ooh ooh | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
# We adore that magic... # | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
Hey! | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
# Girls and boys always kept the light on | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
# Had to finish every Enid Blyton | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
# 700 books in 50 years | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
# Helped to grow the story habit | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
# Even when told by a rabbit | 0:21:53 | 0:21:55 | |
# Listen to my stories | 0:21:55 | 0:21:56 | |
# You're all ears | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
# Secret Seven, Famous Five | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
# Always caught the crook | 0:22:01 | 0:22:03 | |
# Noughts And Crosses was no game | 0:22:03 | 0:22:06 | |
# At least not in MY book | 0:22:06 | 0:22:07 | |
# Why do people so love stories? | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
# You all want to be that sleuth | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
# These stories may be lies but | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
# They're how we learn the truth | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
# Ooh, oo-ooh ooh | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
# Even Peter Rabbit. # | 0:22:19 | 0:22:21 | |
Hey! | 0:22:22 | 0:22:23 | |
# All the girls in the books knocking at the door | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
# It's not just about the boys no more | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
# Everybody loves a hero, true | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
# But a hero can be a she-ro too | 0:22:37 | 0:22:40 | |
# Why do people so love stories? | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
# Mother, father, child or friend | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
# Cos they bring us close together | 0:22:46 | 0:22:48 | |
# Hope the story never ends | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
# Ooh, oo-ooh, ooh... # | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
Cos it's really magic. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:55 | |
Hey! | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
# Ooh, ooh, ooh | 0:22:59 | 0:23:00 | |
# Why do people so love stories? | 0:23:00 | 0:23:01 | |
# We just hope you've seen our text | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
# Everybody wants to know... # | 0:23:04 | 0:23:05 | |
What happens next? Ooh! | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:23:15 | 0:23:16 | |
Silly! | 0:23:16 | 0:23:17 | |
Hello. I'm Alfred, Lord Tennyson. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:19 | |
And I wrote poems with fantastic stories, | 0:23:19 | 0:23:22 | |
such as the Charge Of The Light Brigade | 0:23:22 | 0:23:23 | |
and The Lady Of Shalott. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:25 | |
Now, being a writer is hard work, so my tip is... | 0:23:25 | 0:23:29 | |
..keep a sense of humour. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
My favourite joke is to pull my trousers down at parties | 0:23:32 | 0:23:36 | |
and pretend I'm going to the toilet. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
-Oh, no. He's going to do it again. -Ugh. | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
FARTING NOISES | 0:23:42 | 0:23:43 | |
Look at me! | 0:23:43 | 0:23:44 | |
Go, go. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
Everybody thinks this is hilarious. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
FARTING NOISE | 0:23:48 | 0:23:49 | |
Everybody? | 0:23:49 | 0:23:50 | |
Hello? | 0:23:50 | 0:23:51 | |
I'm here in Boston, USA, | 0:23:54 | 0:23:56 | |
where fans have camped overnight to see their hero. | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
He's not a pop singer or a movie star. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
He's the author of classic novels | 0:24:01 | 0:24:02 | |
like Oliver Twist and A Christmas Carol. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
Charles Dickens! | 0:24:05 | 0:24:06 | |
SCREAMING Oh! | 0:24:06 | 0:24:10 | |
Dickens! Dickens! | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
I'm cosplaying Nancy. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:20 | |
I'm his biggest fan! | 0:24:20 | 0:24:22 | |
I haven't washed since the last time he was here. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
Wasn't that 20 years ago? | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
Don't be ridiculous, it was 25! | 0:24:27 | 0:24:29 | |
Whoo! | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
Oh, that's ripe. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
I love him so much, | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
I made my own Dickens beard. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:36 | |
And I've changed my name! | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
That's not even how you spell... | 0:24:38 | 0:24:40 | |
It doesn't matter. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:41 | |
No. Mr Dickens! | 0:24:42 | 0:24:44 | |
I love you. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:45 | |
Mr Dickens, you must love America. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:48 | |
Ha! Hardly. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
When I first arrived, there was tobacco spit everywhere. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:54 | |
And I didn't get a penny from the book sales. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
Well, I'm doing it right this time. 19 large. | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
Oh, ha. And you must love the fans! | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
CHEERING | 0:25:01 | 0:25:02 | |
You're joking, aren't you? | 0:25:02 | 0:25:03 | |
I can't drink a glass of water | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
without 100 people watching me. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:07 | |
Oh, my, here they come. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
I love you SO MUCH. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
SHE SNIFFS | 0:25:13 | 0:25:15 | |
It looks like Dickens' visit has been a big success. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:18 | |
His popularity here in the US isn't going to wane any time soon. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:22 | |
Oh, please let it wane. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
I really want it to wane. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:25 | |
-We're getting married! -We're not. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:28 | |
We're getting married! | 0:25:28 | 0:25:29 | |
We're not! | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
Ugh. Americans! | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
Oh, hello, I'm Charles Dickens | 0:25:33 | 0:25:35 | |
and I have written a very special question for you. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:38 | |
What was the name of my favourite cat? | 0:25:38 | 0:25:42 | |
The answer is C. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
He didn't have a name. | 0:25:51 | 0:25:52 | |
He was so deaf, | 0:25:52 | 0:25:53 | |
I didn't see any point in naming him. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
Isn't that right? | 0:25:56 | 0:25:57 | |
What do you want, you want to go out? | 0:25:57 | 0:26:00 | |
Do you want to go out? | 0:26:00 | 0:26:01 | |
DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT? | 0:26:02 | 0:26:04 | |
OUT? | 0:26:05 | 0:26:06 | |
Yeah, I'm more of a dog person myself. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
I told you I wanted the dog blow-dried. You're fired! | 0:26:10 | 0:26:13 | |
-'Wait, no...' -Oh! | 0:26:13 | 0:26:15 | |
The Brontes! What a treat. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
A whole family of writers. From Yorkshire! | 0:26:17 | 0:26:20 | |
Ee by gum, Emmerdale. | 0:26:20 | 0:26:21 | |
Do you want a black puddin'? With a wassock butty? | 0:26:21 | 0:26:25 | |
Love your work, love your work, love your work, | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
don't know who you are. | 0:26:27 | 0:26:28 | |
I'm their brother. I'm a poet. My name's Branwell. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
Of course you are, they always let one slip by reception. Terence! | 0:26:30 | 0:26:33 | |
Fire Amanda in reception. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
So, super excited to be publishing your books. Super excited. | 0:26:35 | 0:26:39 | |
Let me tell you, Anne, I... YOU are going to make lots of money. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:43 | |
I'm Charlotte. I'm the eldest. | 0:26:43 | 0:26:46 | |
I LOVED Wuthering Heights. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:48 | |
That were me. | 0:26:48 | 0:26:49 | |
-So you're Charlotte? -No, I'm Emily. Middle sister. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
-So, you wrote Tenant Of Wildfell Hall? -Ugh. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:54 | |
That were me. I'm Anne, the youngest. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:56 | |
Which one of you's Jane Eyre? | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
That's a book I wrote. | 0:26:58 | 0:26:59 | |
How wonderfully confusing, darlings. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:02 | |
Mm, OK, have to work on this. | 0:27:02 | 0:27:04 | |
Treat you all like a girl band. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
Scary Bronte, definitely Scary Bronte. Scary Bronte, ha. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
Let's keep it simple. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:11 | |
You are...The Bronte sisters. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:14 | |
But...I'm a Bronte brother. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
Are you still here? | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
I thought, as part of the marketing campaign, | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
we could use this picture... | 0:27:20 | 0:27:21 | |
that I painted of us all. | 0:27:21 | 0:27:23 | |
Ugh. I much prefer the other version. Terence. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:26 | |
Three sisters, alone, facing a world of men. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:32 | |
-And will it work? -You'll sell millions, darlings, millions. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:36 | |
That's great news! We're going to be famous. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:39 | |
Less of the "we", Branflakes. | 0:27:39 | 0:27:41 | |
You ladies are legends. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:42 | |
Which one of you wrote Pride And Prejudice? | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
That's my favourite. | 0:27:44 | 0:27:45 | |
That were Jane Austen, and it were rubbish! | 0:27:45 | 0:27:48 | |
Pride And Predictable, more like. | 0:27:48 | 0:27:50 | |
Never read it. Never will. | 0:27:50 | 0:27:52 | |
-Terence, you're fired. -Every day. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:55 | |
Poor old Terence. | 0:27:57 | 0:27:58 | |
You know what? This story business can be hard work. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:02 | |
What with writers, characters and meanings and all that... | 0:28:02 | 0:28:07 | |
But it's finally done. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:08 | |
My masterpiece is complete. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:11 | |
Look! | 0:28:13 | 0:28:14 | |
"THE END." | 0:28:14 | 0:28:16 | |
What? | 0:28:16 | 0:28:17 | |
-Action! -Nish nobblers... | 0:28:20 | 0:28:21 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:28:21 | 0:28:23 | |
-Do you have any biographies? -No. | 0:28:24 | 0:28:26 | |
-Thrillers? -No. -Teen vampire fiction? -No. | 0:28:26 | 0:28:28 | |
Aww... | 0:28:28 | 0:28:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:28:30 | 0:28:31 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery | 0:28:31 | 0:28:33 | |
# Hope you enjoyed | 0:28:33 | 0:28:34 | |
# Horrible Histories. # | 0:28:34 | 0:28:38 |