Trubble 1900 Hotel Trubble


Trubble 1900

Children's sitcom set in a hotel. The year is 1900, and Hotel Trubble is opening its doors for the very first time. There is just one problem - they have no guests!


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Transcript


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Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

0:00:020:00:03

Meet Sally, our receptionist...

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-People, I'm trying to have a conversation here!

-And this is Lenny.

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He's a man of many talents.

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This is Dolly, she's Mr Trubble's, ahem, fiancee.

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And this is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.

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Which just leaves me, Jamie - I'm the bellboy.

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# It's the pits and we know

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# We're stuck but we love it

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

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# So the hotel survives

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# Trubble, Trubble

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# Keep the hotel alive. #

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THUD

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SHE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

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HIGH-PITCH HORN-LIKE NOISE

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Well, that's the last time I make trifle.

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-Morning, Jim lad.

-Morning, Miss Shufflebottom.

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-Any guests yet, miss?

-No.

-Oh.

-Oh, buck up, Jim lad!

0:01:130:01:17

So, the hotel's utterly empty and has been since it opened.

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I haven't got a vote, nor have I got the right

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to own a property, but you don't see me frowning.

0:01:250:01:28

-No, miss.

-Mostly because my newsletter says that doing so

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causes wrinkles something chronic.

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You're right, miss, I'll stops me worrying.

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It's not like Lord Trubble'll close this place down, is it?

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Not after one week.

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This is... In the...! Agh!

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What is it, Mr Lemon, sir?

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This is a telegram from Lord Trubble.

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He's heard we don't have any guests, and is going to...

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He's going to shut the place down!

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It's pretty clear - it says if we don't get a guest by noon today,

0:02:030:02:07

he's going to shut us down.

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We are doomed, doomed, I tell you.

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Doomed! Doomed!

0:02:120:02:14

Well, cheer up, sir, it's only ten past ten.

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We could totally get a guest in the next, er, one hour fifty minutes.

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Hello, everybody.

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I am Lady Euphemia Dorothy Smythe.

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You can call me Lady Euphemia Dorothy Smythe.

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A guest, see? We're saved!

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Er, I'm not a guest.

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Then, pray tell, why are you here, madam?

0:02:390:02:43

Why, to turn this place into a pig sanctuary, of course!

0:02:430:02:47

-A what?

-A pig sanctuary - for smelly pigs!

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For pigs too abnormally reeky to live live in normal farms.

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You can't do that to Hotel Trubble.

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Well, my dear friend Lord Trubble says that I can.

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From noon, he says I can do whatever I want with the place.

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Not if we get a guest first.

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Really, how likely is that to happen

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in the next hour-and-three-quarters? Good day.

0:03:120:03:16

Lords Lummie, we are doomed! Doomed!

0:03:160:03:23

Doomed... Oh, sweeties! Hands free!

0:03:230:03:27

-Hello!

-A guest! Definitely this time!

0:03:280:03:32

Really? Oh!

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Oh, I'm not a guest, my dear.

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I'm your local door-to-door fortune teller.

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Anyone want to see into the future?

0:03:420:03:46

-I sees...

-Do you see us saving this place from a hoard of homeless hogs?

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Not so far.

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Ah! I sees something's coming up.

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It's about a big leaky old boat.

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Could it be...the Titanic?

0:04:060:04:10

How about something useful?

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Yes, like the future of the women's movement,

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or how long these ridiculous big fake bums will be in?

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How about something related to the hotel?

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I sees the hotel is coming up!

0:04:260:04:29

I sees your great-grandson, Mr Lemon.

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Oh, do you, do you?

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Is he just like me, rich, powerful, intelligent?

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Well, he's very like you.

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Sorry I'm late again, Jamie.

0:04:520:04:54

What this time? Your dog ate your bus money?

0:04:540:04:56

Your dog ate your bus timetable?

0:04:560:04:58

Your dog ate your bus?

0:04:580:04:59

Don't be silly, Jamie.

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-I wouldn't make up a daft excuse like that.

-Why are you late, then?

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My alarm clock didn't go off.

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Why?

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-My dog ate it.

-BEEPING, AND DOG BARKS

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Ride 'em, cowboy! Yee-ha!

0:05:110:05:14

Argh! Argh!

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HE SCREAMS

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Now all we need is a bride.

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Someone who really wants to win that cash prize.

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And who would look very, very beautiful in a wedding dress.

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A master criminal won't draw attention to himself.

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He's not going to turn up to work dressed in a chicken costume, is he?

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No, who'd do a daft thing like that?

0:05:560:05:59

Lenny... COCKEREL CROWS

0:05:590:06:03

What? Agh!

0:06:030:06:05

Please, after you.

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-TEARING

-Sorry. Sorry.

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-Sorry.

-Maybe you should go first.

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-Lenny!

-ARGH!

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No harm done.

0:06:190:06:22

Smart clothes are so expensive, and this was going cheap.

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HE BELCHES

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Shake?

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-Right, is this OK?

-Higher.

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-HIGH-PITCHED:

-Is this OK?

0:06:330:06:35

No, move the aerial higher.

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OK, Lenny, don't push the lever until I tell you, OK?

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# You're just too good to be true

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# Can't take my eyes off you... #

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BANG!

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Out. Out!

0:07:070:07:10

How dare you spread such a pack of wicked lies, madam?!

0:07:100:07:13

No-one related to me could possibly be such a clumsy fool!

0:07:130:07:17

THUD

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-Why, I ought to...

-Forget the fortune-teller, sir,

0:07:190:07:21

we've got bigger problems.

0:07:210:07:23

90 minutes, and then it's curtains for this place.

0:07:230:07:26

But we've only just had the new ones!

0:07:260:07:28

She means 90 minutes till Lord Trubble shuts us down!

0:07:280:07:33

Oh, well, why didn't she say that?

0:07:330:07:35

You see, that's the problem, Jim - women, impossible to understand!

0:07:350:07:39

How's about I goes and gets a guest?

0:07:390:07:42

-And how are you going to do that?

-I can go down to town

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and tell everyone they can have two nights for the price of one.

0:07:460:07:49

Brilliant. Apart from the two for one bit.

0:07:490:07:53

Yes, what we need is buns.

0:07:530:07:55

Buns, sir?

0:07:550:07:57

Yes, everybody loves a good bun.

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Tell them stay at Hotel Trubble and get a free bun.

0:08:000:08:04

Folk won't be able to resist. Problem solved! Chop, chop.

0:08:040:08:07

-Oh, knickerbockers! Pardon my French.

-What is it?

0:08:070:08:11

We haven't got any good buns. Only those ones you made.

0:08:110:08:14

Well, we can't afford a trained chef, Jim,

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and I'm doing the best I can in the kitchen.

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Yes, miss. I'd hate to see your worst, miss.

0:08:200:08:23

Buns, hey?

0:08:230:08:25

I'll have one. Eat anything, I will.

0:08:250:08:27

I don't even mind if they're not perfect.

0:08:270:08:30

-Cribbly!

-SHE COUGHS

0:08:330:08:36

Still, anything's worth a try if we're going to save this place

0:08:360:08:40

from the chop - the pork chop.

0:08:400:08:42

He's really taken a fancy to the hotel, hasn't he?

0:08:470:08:50

Wait till you check out his great-grandson!

0:08:500:08:53

You'll have to look after the hotel while we watch the game.

0:08:590:09:02

Wow, Jamie, you never let anyone but you look after the hotel.

0:09:020:09:05

I know, and I'm trusting you to keep an eye on her, Sally,

0:09:050:09:08

don't let me down.

0:09:080:09:10

It's OK, my darling, I'll be with you soon.

0:09:110:09:15

# Love is in the air

0:09:190:09:22

# Every sight and every sound... #

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I'm Jamie, the groom.

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And this is my beautiful bride.

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No!

0:09:320:09:33

Jamie, do you know what?

0:09:330:09:34

If you love the hotel so much, why don't you just marry it?

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I tried, OK? They wouldn't let me.

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I now pronounce you husband and wife.

0:09:430:09:47

You may kiss the bride.

0:09:470:09:49

-I could almost kiss you.

-Sally, I could kiss you.

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-OK.

-I said, almost.

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You could kiss me if you like, Jamie.

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Get it away, get it away, get it away!

0:09:560:09:58

Jamie, there's no need to cry.

0:10:000:10:04

-I know it means a lot to you.

-Yeah.

0:10:040:10:08

Also, you're standing on my foot.

0:10:080:10:11

If they want a war, they can have a war.

0:10:240:10:29

HE CACKLES

0:10:290:10:32

Hilarious. He is not the man he... Ooh!

0:10:480:10:50

-What was that?

-I said, he's not the man he used to be!

0:10:520:10:57

I'm a flaming idiot!

0:10:570:11:00

Is this guy for real? He is hilarious.

0:11:000:11:03

This is all the entertainment I need.

0:11:030:11:06

-Yeah!

-BOOING FROM CROWD

0:11:060:11:10

-Yeah.

-No.

0:11:130:11:16

You can quit if you want.

0:11:160:11:18

I know how much you hate to embarrass yourself.

0:11:180:11:21

Feel free just to say, I quit.

0:11:210:11:23

Jamie.

0:11:420:11:43

Pull your pants up.

0:11:430:11:45

-Cripes!

-I know!

0:11:520:11:55

-Do you want to see your descendants, my dear?

-Oh, there's no need.

0:11:550:11:59

I'm sure they're just like me, very interested in women's issues.

0:11:590:12:03

Very interested in issues of women's magazines, perhaps.

0:12:030:12:07

Pardon?

0:12:070:12:09

The stars' best-kept beauty secret for eliminating wrinkles.

0:12:170:12:21

Do this simple exercise 20 times a day.

0:12:210:12:25

It must be working by now. Let me have a look?

0:12:340:12:37

Argh!

0:12:390:12:40

Custard cream?

0:12:400:12:43

A plague on your custard creams! Staff only, sorry.

0:12:430:12:46

Hey, Sally.

0:12:480:12:51

Listen up, bacon breath!

0:12:510:12:53

Try not be am miserable old bum-faced miser for the next two hours.

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You know what I'm going to say, don't you?

0:12:570:12:59

-That you regret having such a flat, square head.

-No!

0:12:590:13:04

Ta-daa!

0:13:040:13:06

# Trubble, Trubble! #

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You should think to what you're good at,

0:13:100:13:12

filing your nails and reading magazines.

0:13:120:13:14

Sally, give one to Halle.

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My pleasure!

0:13:170:13:19

Jamie!

0:13:250:13:29

Arrrrgh!

0:13:290:13:32

Please put me on the news. MAN SCREAMS

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I'm a bimbo?!

0:13:420:13:43

Go, Madonna!

0:13:470:13:49

Start answering the phones instead of breaking them!

0:13:540:13:57

You shan't be appearing on Haunted Places Live.

0:14:010:14:05

-And I won't be your glamorous assistant?

-Definitely not.

0:14:050:14:09

Dr Baines, I feel all faint again.

0:14:090:14:12

Rescue me, again!

0:14:120:14:13

MUSIC: "Y'all Ready For This?" by 2 Unlimited

0:14:170:14:19

# Y'all ready for this? #

0:14:190:14:21

Are you OK, Sally? Something you ate?

0:14:260:14:28

All right, I'll do it, but only because I am being nice today.

0:14:280:14:32

-What?

-I'll pretend to be your wife.

0:14:320:14:35

Ah, no, because I told them my wife was tall and beautiful

0:14:350:14:40

and glamorous and all sophisticated and a real catch.

0:14:400:14:44

But you'll do.

0:14:450:14:48

Take this before I hit him with it!

0:14:520:14:54

PHONE RINGS Hello! Hotel... Stay down.

0:14:570:15:00

That's better.

0:15:050:15:07

Oh, stop the hurt!

0:15:140:15:16

But she's so rude!

0:15:200:15:22

I mean, she does have good hair,

0:15:220:15:26

really, really good hair,

0:15:260:15:29

but I'm not sure that makes up for her dreadful character.

0:15:290:15:33

CROWD SHOUTING OUTSIDE

0:15:330:15:35

No-one in town liked my buns.

0:15:410:15:43

-They chucked them back at me.

-That must have hurt.

-Hey!

0:15:430:15:47

And then they threw some more stuff, to boot,

0:15:470:15:50

and then some boots, to boot!

0:15:500:15:53

And now we've only got 30 minutes to save the world!

0:15:530:15:56

I mean, the hotel.

0:15:560:15:59

I don't think Lord Trubble should wait any longer.

0:15:590:16:01

I think he should shut down the hotel right now.

0:16:010:16:04

Miss Shufflebottom, what are you saying?

0:16:040:16:06

Well, from what I have just seen,

0:16:060:16:09

Hotel Trubble doesn't seem worth saving.

0:16:090:16:12

Ghastly place. Ghastly staff.

0:16:120:16:16

You're wrong, Miss. I won't let you say those things.

0:16:160:16:19

Please, Ma'am, show her some good things about this place.

0:16:190:16:23

# Everybody in love, go on, put your hands up

0:16:280:16:32

# Everybody in love, go on, put your hands up

0:16:320:16:36

# Everybody in love, go on, put your hands up

0:16:360:16:39

# If you're in love, put your hands up

0:16:390:16:42

# Every minute's like an hour

0:16:420:16:44

# Every hour's like a day

0:16:440:16:45

# Every day lasts forever

0:16:450:16:47

# But what else am I gonna do? #

0:16:470:16:50

Let's do it.

0:16:500:16:52

-I've got it!

-Well, if you've got it, then we've got it, too, now.

0:16:580:17:03

# The power, the might

0:17:030:17:04

# You can't believe the hype

0:17:040:17:05

# At Hotel Trubble, oh, yeah! #

0:17:050:17:08

-Hotel Trubble is saved!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

0:17:080:17:11

And I owe it all to you.

0:17:110:17:13

Oh, thanks! What can I say?

0:17:140:17:16

-I sort of meant to all three of you.

-Oh.

0:17:160:17:21

Thank you!

0:17:210:17:25

Thank you so much.

0:17:250:17:27

Jamie, Jamie, it's all worked out brilliant.

0:17:270:17:29

-Everyone is going to want to stay here.

-All thanks to Hotel Trubble!

0:17:290:17:33

# This situation has burst our bubble... #

0:17:340:17:39

HE BURPS LOUDLY

0:17:390:17:42

# But no-one can rhyme, so we made up the lubble

0:17:470:17:52

# No, we don't want to have a pile of rubble

0:17:520:17:57

# So please help us save

0:17:570:18:02

# Help us save

0:18:020:18:04

# Yes, help us save

0:18:040:18:09

# Hotel Trubble. #

0:18:090:18:15

Going in for a kiss.

0:18:150:18:17

No, I'm not ready.

0:18:220:18:23

All right. It might not be all bad if we save the hotel.

0:18:300:18:33

Yes!

0:18:330:18:36

But.. but I don't see how we can.

0:18:450:18:50

We've got five minutes. Who is going to turn up now?

0:18:500:18:53

I am Lady Euphemia Dorothy... No, I've done that bit.

0:18:560:18:59

-GRUNTING AND RUMBLING

-Hark!

0:18:590:19:02

The sound of pongy piggies pounding the pavement.

0:19:020:19:05

Here they come.

0:19:050:19:08

What are we going to do?

0:19:090:19:11

We've tried buns, we've tried meddling with the laws of causality.

0:19:110:19:16

I don't know what else we can do.

0:19:160:19:18

Well, what are you worrying about, my dears?

0:19:180:19:20

Equal rights, equal pay,

0:19:200:19:24

and whether I'd look good in those jegging things you showed me earlier.

0:19:240:19:27

And the fact we're to be closed down because we have no guests.

0:19:270:19:30

Well, stop it.

0:19:300:19:33

How can the hotel be closed today

0:19:330:19:35

when I have already shown it to you open all those years in the future?

0:19:350:19:41

Look, my dears, your hotel is going to have hundreds of guests.

0:19:410:19:47

We've arrived!

0:19:520:19:55

# All the people

0:19:550:19:59

# So many people

0:19:590:20:02

# And they all go hand in hand

0:20:020:20:05

# Hand in hand through their... #

0:20:050:20:08

SALLY SCREAMS It's my favourite band, JLZ!

0:20:080:20:11

Hotel Trubbleski?

0:20:110:20:14

Boris is here!

0:20:140:20:16

I'm newscaster Ed Flaxman.

0:20:180:20:21

Your mince pies are like slimy bras.

0:20:210:20:24

You're dreamy.

0:20:240:20:25

-Very odd man.

-Well, I'll take that as a compliment.

0:20:250:20:28

Don't you know who I am?

0:20:280:20:29

Yeah, you're Sir Alex Farteson, England manager.

0:20:290:20:33

-And?

-And the most respected and feared football coach in the world.

0:20:330:20:38

And?

0:20:380:20:40

The inventor of the electric whisk!

0:20:400:20:43

-Yeah?

-Yeah!

-Yeah?

-Yeah!

0:20:440:20:46

I am Herr Style, respect me!

0:20:460:20:50

Don't give me excuses, I want results! If I can't have results,

0:20:510:20:54

I want solutions. Then I want heads to roll, then I want results,

0:20:540:20:58

then I'll have a cheese sandwich.

0:20:580:21:00

Lenny, he had this idea that you were a vampire!

0:21:010:21:04

It sounds silly when you say it out loud.

0:21:060:21:09

But I am a vampire.

0:21:090:21:11

THEY SCREAM

0:21:120:21:15

Wait, come back! You don't understand.

0:21:170:21:20

Come back here!

0:21:200:21:21

SHE ROARS

0:21:210:21:24

I didn't see that coming!

0:21:240:21:25

This time, I will find the relic.

0:21:250:21:28

The relic which is undoubtedly somewhere in this hotel.

0:21:280:21:33

I love you as a friend! It's not you, it's me!

0:21:330:21:36

SHE ROARS

0:21:370:21:39

We're going to need to make some teensy-weensy modifications.

0:21:420:21:46

-To what?

-You.

-Eh?

0:21:460:21:48

Ta-dah!

0:21:480:21:49

# Dude looks like a lady

0:21:490:21:51

# Yeah, yeah, dude looks like a lady... #

0:21:510:21:56

Shhh! The walls have ears.

0:21:560:22:00

Really? I only came up because I was told the tap had a leak.

0:22:000:22:04

Don't you dare!

0:22:040:22:06

MUSIC: "Foxy Lady" by Jimi Hendrix

0:22:060:22:09

# Yeah, foxy... #

0:22:090:22:11

It's fine, you're fine.

0:22:110:22:13

Everything is absolutely...

0:22:130:22:15

-Fine.

-What are you staring at?

0:22:180:22:19

I suppose you think there's something weird about a billionaire

0:22:190:22:23

swimming about in a bath full of his own lovely money?

0:22:230:22:25

You wouldn't recognise Dwayne Looney if he walked in

0:22:250:22:28

and wanted to book a room.

0:22:280:22:30

-Can I book a room?

-Sorry, sir, we're discussing Dwayne Looney.

0:22:300:22:33

He IS Dwayne Looney!

0:22:330:22:36

-Hello?

-Hello?

-Hello?

-Hello?

0:22:360:22:38

-Hello?

-Hello?

-This gym is great.

0:22:380:22:42

-I know, I never even knew it existed.

-I'm impressed.

0:22:420:22:44

Very nice.

0:22:510:22:52

Come to mummy! Oh, my little pinky,

0:22:560:23:00

stinky, homeless, porky darlings!

0:23:000:23:04

-CLOCK STRIKES TWELVE

-But we need a guest right now.

0:23:060:23:09

You've got one, my dears.

0:23:110:23:14

The name is Poshington, Mrs Poshington. Check me in.

0:23:140:23:20

-Hurrah!

-Hooray, hooray! Thank you, thank you!

0:23:200:23:26

Oh, poot! Excuse my flipping French.

0:23:260:23:29

Never mind, little darlings.

0:23:290:23:32

Let's go back to the Ritz.

0:23:320:23:34

No, Cedric, don't do that to Jemima, you know she doesn't like it.

0:23:340:23:38

Hotel Trubble, I'll be back.

0:23:380:23:42

But, Mrs Poshington?

0:23:440:23:47

-Yes?

-Why not check in straight away?

0:23:470:23:49

Well, it was a little test, dear boy.

0:23:490:23:51

I wanted to see if I liked the place.

0:23:510:23:54

You see, I plan on staying for...

0:23:540:23:57

quite some time.

0:23:570:24:00

SHE YODELS

0:24:050:24:08

Watch where you're going, you silly old ba...

0:24:130:24:17

HE SCREAMS

0:24:220:24:25

Dogs aren't as friendly as they used to be.

0:24:260:24:29

Christmas seems so far away. It used to be a lot nearer.

0:24:340:24:38

Nobody, but nobody, calls me grandma and gets away with it!

0:24:480:24:53

-What about your grandchildren?

-Except my grandchildren, of course.

0:24:530:24:57

Oi!

0:25:010:25:02

It cannot be! Mrs Poshington!

0:25:020:25:07

I'm a huge fan, you is the man!

0:25:070:25:10

I go to all this effort and they go crazy for the cleaner?!

0:25:100:25:14

Cheek!

0:25:140:25:16

Oh, Mrs P, I could kiss you!

0:25:160:25:18

Loosen my corsets, I'm all of a quiver!

0:25:180:25:21

# Girls were made to love and kiss... #

0:25:220:25:27

-I can't do it.

-Oh, well, please yourself. See if I care.

0:25:270:25:30

-Hang on, what's going on?

-Oh, don't worry about this,

0:25:320:25:34

Mrs P's just trying out the new jetpacks. Right...

0:25:340:25:38

Off you go, Mrs P!

0:25:390:25:41

Mrs P?

0:25:450:25:47

Mrs P?

0:25:470:25:50

Ohh! That zorbing malarkey, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

0:25:570:26:03

Hang on, what's that sound?

0:26:030:26:06

That was the greatest ride of my life.

0:26:100:26:13

-Mrs P!

-Oh, did I do something wrong?

0:26:130:26:18

It's too late now, it's too late for the... You!

0:26:260:26:30

-Why, I'm going to...

-This is our first guest.

0:26:300:26:34

..take your bags upstairs myself.

0:26:340:26:37

And who is this little chap?

0:26:370:26:41

This, sir, is Private Sirius Edward Cantaloupe Poshington, First Class.

0:26:410:26:48

What an adorable little kitten.

0:26:480:26:51

SNARLING AND CRUNCHING

0:26:510:26:53

I almost don't mind that he's just bitten off the end of my finger!

0:26:550:26:58

Oh no, wait - I do.

0:26:580:27:02

HE SCREAMS

0:27:020:27:05

ALL TALK AT ONCE

0:27:090:27:11

..the fingerprinting on these knobs with the bits...

0:27:110:27:14

There was no discussion about the fingerprinting!

0:27:140:27:18

-I've got the fingers right here!

-PHONE RINGS

0:27:180:27:22

Hello, Hotel Trubble?

0:27:230:27:26

-Can you stop shouting?

-Stop shouting!

0:27:260:27:30

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:300:27:33

# It's the pits and we know we're stuck but we love it

0:27:330:27:38

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:380:27:40

# We're a team, staying calm, on and on, so the hotel survives

0:27:400:27:45

# Trubble Trubble, keep the hotel alive. #

0:27:450:27:49

The year is 1900, and Hotel Trubble is opening its doors for the very first time. There is just one problem - they have no guests! However, a mysterious stranger arrives to give the staff some good fortune.


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