The No-Boggy Jamie Johnson

-It's started.

-What has?

-The girl from Westfield High

-just sent me a friend request.

-What's this?

You're going out with an actual girl?

-We're not exactly going out.

-What he means is, they haven't met yet.

-Does Jamie have much contact with his dad?

-Not at the moment.

His grandad's always been more of a father figure than Ian ever was.

-That's my lad.

-Jamie's been excluded from school for a week.

-You've got a big mouth. Anyone ever told you that?

-No.

But they've told me I've got a sweet right foot.

-And they were correct.

-Everything all right, boys?

Remember, zero tolerance on any bullying in here.

If you can't learn to make the right choices,

you might as well give up now.

I'm going to be different from now on.

I'll start by saying sorry to Harry.

But what if she meets me and she's disappointed?

By the time I'm finished, Nance will be begging to go out with you.

CHANTING: One, two, three, four...

It's you.

LAUGHTER

HE PANTS

HE SIGHS WITH RELIEF

-Feels weird being back at school.

-Come on, you'll be all right.

Have you seen that video of Beckham in '98?

One kick at Simeone and the whole country hated him.

-That's how I feel.

-He made up for it, so will you.

Just get through today and by Monday,

-everything will be back to normal.

-Any news while I was off?

Dillon's head is still the size of Birmingham, if that's what you mean.

Come on, Boggy, you've got news.

I've been getting a few more texts from Nancy, that's all.

-Nice one.

-He's never off his phone,

-and Dillon has been so egging him on.

-Get a good look.

You did that.

Don't rise to it, Jamie.

It's all right. When I say I've learned my lesson, I have.

Try telling that to the rest of the team.

I'll tell you something I learned last week, Dillon.

In the two friendlies you played while Jamie was off,

your goal average was down by 18%.

Total ball possession, down by 40%.

Bit more than a coincidence, wouldn't you say?

Here's one for you, Mr Calculator.

Percentage of the school that thinks you're a massive know-it-all?

Like it or not, no-one needs Jamie on that pitch more than you do.

I think I touched a nerve.

Sports Personality of the Year?

That's right. First competition of its kind at Kingsmount.

What do we win?

Firstly, I'd like to say it's the taking part that counts, Dillon.

But the winner will receive this... presented by England footballer

Jess Clarke, and two tickets to the

Hawkstone-Foxborough derby next weekend.

-What do we have to do?

-Well, the award will go to the student that

shows the most commitment,

determination and teamwork in their chosen sport,

and it'll be voted for by fellow pupils, so if you think

you've got what it takes, then you'd best put

your name forward and let your peers decide.

Right, I'll get this somewhere safe.

-Good luck, boys.

-That trophy has got your name written all over it.

Well, yeah, no-brainer.

I'm the captain of the team, the only scouted player.

They may as well put my name on it right now.

You are aware football's not the only sport played in this school.

-Other sports do exist.

-What, like chess?

You're going to go for it, are you?

For your information, chess is actually recognised as a sport by

the International Olympic Committee.

It's a board game for geeks and there's no way a nobody like you

will ever win Savage's trophy, cos you're a No-Boggy.

Well, we'll never know because I'm not going to enter, but Jack's

-going to.

-Marshall's in the competition?

Like anyone would vote for her, or is she going to get Jamie to beat

people up if they don't?

Calm down, Dillon.

Don't know why you're complaining.

I'd do anything to get out of basketball.

Me and sweat don't mix.

-Shouldn't you be in PE?

-Shouldn't you be in biology?

Yeah, better get back.

Only so long I can string out a bathroom break.

So, how you doing?

How does it look like I'm doing?

I am sorry about everything.

-I feel really bad.

-Do you want me to say you're off the hook?

And what you did to me was OK?

Well, tough, it's not.

-Have a taste.

-PHONE BEEPS

Is that Nancy again?

Yeah.

It's beetroot juice mixed with ginger and ashwagandha.

It increases blood flow to the fast twitch muscles.

I'll take your word for it, Boggy.

Get the balls, will you?

-Hi, Sir.

-Now turn your backside round and head for home, Johnson.

I know I'm banned, but I thought I could help out with the equipment

-and stuff.

-Oh, right. Well get the cones out, then.

You can't even control them when they're in the net.

It's 20 seconds from the sports cupboard to here, which means I have

15 seconds more possession than you had during any point

in Friday's game.

I just hope things improve before the Academy notices.

Let's just tidy up these.

Come on, you have to enter.

First girl to break into the boy's team.

You're a trailblazer.

Dillon's right, no-one will vote for me.

-I would.

-And me.

And Dillon would, too.

Three votes. In the bag, then.

From tiny acorns, oak trees grow.

Can we just forget about it and enjoy our weekend?

-Fancy meeting up tomorrow?

-Come on,

you've got to help me celebrate my freedom.

I'm sorry, I can't make it.

Got to help my mum with something. See you!

It's me.

I think I need your help.

Tell me exactly what she said.

I want to know all the juicy details.

All I know is that we're meeting in the park

and she wants it to be top-secret.

I love how all romantic this is, so Romeo and Juliet.

I'm assuming you haven't read the plays,

so you don't know how that ends?

This isn't completely awful.

I'll take that as a compliment.

What you've got to realise is, when you first meet,

pure animal instinct kicks in.

Does she like the way you look, do you have a confident, manly aura?

Confident and manly aren't the first two adjectives I'd use.

If Nancy doesn't like you that first few seconds, it's all over.

Did I say how much I'm enjoying your pep talk(?)

Remember how we did your hair?

The "I've been mildly electrocuted look"?

And you need an early night, as well.

Dark circles aren't a good look.

If I get any sleep at all, it'll be a miracle.

Oh, bring her something as well.

Flowers or chocolates, maybe.

Your first date!

16 hours and counting.

HE BREATHES DEEPLY

DOOR SHUTS

Has Jamie gone already?

He was up with the birds.

Couldn't get out the door fast enough.

I saw him before he went, though.

Reminded him he's still on a warning.

I bet he loved that.

Our boy's learnt his lesson.

He gets it, he's growing up.

-Anything interesting?

-No, just bills.

MUSIC PLAYS

You have a confident and manly aura.

You can do this.

# If you're gonna do it, do it right

# Right, do it with me... #

# Do it, do it right... #

PHONE BEEPS

From Indira.

"How's it going?"

Reply, "thumbs down".

Sad face.

Send.

PHONE BEEPS

Here we see the strange, rare creature that is the No-Boggy.

THEY LAUGH

In his search for a mate, the No-Boggy brings curious gifts.

Contacts, call.

Nancy.

In his desperation, we see the

No-Boggy considering a mating call.

DIAL TONE

Cancel call.

THEY LAUGH

However hard he tries,

the No-Boggy will spend his life soggy and alone.

There we have it, they No-Boggy, a sad and tragic creature.

-Oi!

-Here we go.

-Give me the phone.

As if. This is gold.

Oh, yeah, delete it now.

-What's going on?

-You were being filmed.

-What happened? You're soaked.

-Why would you do that?

Because watching you get stood up on a Saturday afternoon

is better than going to the cinema.

We should have brought our popcorn.

You were in on this, Harry?

-Where's Nancy?

-She was never coming.

It was all a big set-up. Did you know? Were you in on it, too?

What? No, of course not!

What have you done? Why isn't she here?

You think you're smarter than the rest of us.

Not this time. Come on.

Oh, don't you dare, Harry.

Just leave it, Indira, he's not worth it.

You're spineless and mean, Harry Hansard.

Boggy's got more class in his left eyebrow than you've got in your

entire body. Crutches or not, consider yourself dumped.

Boggy, wait!

Nancy's not coming. It's over.

I should never have let you talk me into this.

You made me think this whole Nancy thing was possible,

but it never was. Not for me.

Just leave me alone, I want to be on my own!

SHE LAUGHS

TAPPING

Boggy, open the window. Boggy, open up!

I told you I wanted to be left alone.

I just need to know if you're OK.

And there's someone here who wants to speak to you.

Brilliant, who else have you brought to laugh at me?

Hello, Boggy.

Nancy?

I asked around, found out where she lived.

It's not hard when you know as many people as I do.

Found out something else, too.

Dillon, he's my cousin.

I didn't know anything about the date.

The message you got was from him.

I must have left my computer open when he was over

-with his mum yesterday.

-It was Dillon who set you up.

I'm sorry.

-I really am.

-And I'm sorry that idiot's your cousin.

Talk about unlucky.

PHONE BEEPS

-Uh-oh.

-'Here we see the strange, rare creature...'

-What is it?

The stuff Dillon filmed.

He shared it.

It's not that bad. Your outfit looks all right.

You brought me flowers?

Oh, Boggy.

'However hard he tries,

'the poor Boggy will spend his life soggy and alone.'

I'm taking this to Savage.

No way. Of course it was a set-up.

Of course it was going to end in disaster.

Why would someone like you ever want to go out with someone like me?

I'm going to have that nickname until the day I leave school.

You know, Boggy? The date today might have been a set-up,

but if you'd asked me for real, I'd have said yes.

I'm presuming Jamie didn't stash that letter from his dad

in the newspaper.

You want to tell me what's going on?

Whatever it is, it can't be good.

You said it yourself.

Jamie's getting it, he's moving on.

The last thing I need is Ian popping his big ugly head

back into our lives.

So what's your big plan, then?

Steam it open and chuck it in the bin?

You've been giving Jamie all this talk about responsibility,

doing the right thing.

I am trying to do the right thing.

But since when has Ian bought us anything but trouble?

This is my decision, Dad.

Just promise me you won't say anything to Jamie.

I can promise.

It doesn't mean I have to agree.

That wasn't quite the reaction I was hoping for.

But you're so lovely.

Why would you want to go out with me?

I'm about to become the school joke.

Well, you're kind, you're clever, you've got good friends.

Dillon's never had a proper friend in his life.

The only reason Harry hangs round with him is because he's scared.

But Dillon's lack of friends doesn't seem to stop him doing what he wants

and getting what he wants.

Well, maybe you can be the one to change that.

Teach Dillon a lesson.

Me? How?

You play chess, right?

So you're no stranger to strategy.

You'll think of something.

Now, are you going to hold my hand or what?

There he is.

So we saw the video. What do you want me to do, Boggy?

We need to sort this out. I'd like to find Dillon and...

Calm down, Jamie.

You made a promise, remember?

-No more fighting.

-You're smiling?

What happened? What did you do?

-Nothing, really.

-She made everything incredible, that's what.

Can one of you tell us what on earth is going on?

I'll tell you everything once we get to form, but for now,

all you need to know is this.

You, Jacqueline, are going to enter Savage's competition

and you are going to win.

-What?

-Nancy and I have got it all worked out.

You're going to stick it to Dillon. "Jack Marshall,

"Sports Personality of the Year."

Boggy, I can't, it's impossible.

Nancy says impossible is just a word.

Anyway, you're a great player.

You do loads for the school and for others.

What's Dillon ever done apart from run his own fan club?

You deserve this.

I've got a feeling you're not going to shut up until I agree.

You're correct. I am not.

So what did you two get up to after I left?

Anything I need to know?

A gentleman never tells.

So, here's the plan. Every student in the school gets one vote.

Your main rivals are Dillon and Thomas Black, the gymnast.

The kids in the red section will go for Dillon, no matter what.

The oranges will go for Thomas.

We can't change their minds, so we rule them out.

Yellow, green and aqua are our target areas.

They are the rest of the sporty kids, popular girls and the geeks.

They make up 14% of our year group alone, and they're swayable.

Convince them to vote for you and you'll smash the opposition.

-It's brilliant.

-It's just strategy.

So, obviously, I'm taking the popular girls, right?

Correct. Jack, you pay a visit to the sporties,

and I'll cover geeks.

Remember, use all your powers of persuasion.

So what do I do?

Just act normal and keep out of Dillon's way, and remember,

revenge is a dish best served cold.

He was cheating on Keely with Claire and Jessica, and when Keely found

out, I'm not lying, she pied him right in the face,

right in the middle of biology.

I come in geek.

So, hands up anyone who thinks Dillon Simmons deserves a kick

up his egotistical backside?

Apparently, ten minutes after Keely dumped him,

he only went and asked her sister out.

I have a rare copy of Sigurd The Avenger Apocalypse Incorporated.

All pages intact, one small mark on the cover.

Have any of you lot heard of the Sports Personality of the Year?

-Yeah.

-It's yours, if you help me.

-We're listening.

-Anyway, if I find anything else,

you guys will be the first to know.

Now that's sorted, let's talk Jack Marshall.

I need your help.

-How did it go?

-On board, I'd say.

-Too easy.

-Geeks are surprisingly ruthless.

So, do you reckon we've done enough?

We'll know tomorrow. I have good vibes, though,

and I don't normally do vibes.

"No-Boggy is a big, wet...loser."

They've spelt loser wrong.

Anyway, good job, team.

Well done.

So, do you think I can beat Dillon?

Jamie?

Jamie?! What's up?

It's about Boggy.

We need to do something.

Come on.

Oh, has my sad little cous come to hold your hand?

Your other mates too embarrassed to hang out with you now?

I wonder what Auntie Jo would say if she found out what

-you've been up to.

-She'd laugh like everyone else.

You're a bully, Dillon Simmons.

Look in the mirror. That's what bullies look like.

At least I'm funny.

I bet even Marshall had a laugh behind your back.

Take no notice.

PHONE BEEPS

"Sorry, Jamie and I can't come for tea.

-"Got stuff on."

-Who was that?

Jack.

Looks like it's just us. Come on.

Where are Jamie and Jack?

I feel like a right lemon holding this thing.

THEY LAUGH

What's the joke?

-Can I see?

-Oh, it's nothing.

Come on. Voting closes at the end of morning break.

Indira's saying her arms are getting tired.

Actually, we need to go and finish...

Miss Savage said she wanted us or something.

See you in assembly, yeah?

Hope you know what you're doing.

The key to success is having people in your surroundings who you can

trust, who are there for you, who have your back.

It's about working on those parts of yourself that you don't like,

always improving. Nothing in the world owes you something because

you've tasted success, accepting there will be obstacles and finding

a way to overcome them. So you're short, be fast.

So you're slow, be strong.

So you're a girl in a boy's world, so what?

Thank you, Jess.

And thank you to all the students who entered the competition.

The votes have been counted and I'd like to invite the three with the

most votes up onto the stage.

And in no particular order, they are...

-Dillon Simmons...

-Told you I'd win.

APPLAUSE

..Thomas Black...

..and Jacqueline Marshall.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Congratulations to the three of you. But there can only be one winner.

The student with the most votes and your first Kingsmount

Sports Personality is...

..Jack Marshall.

APPLAUSE

-Go, Jack!

-Go, Jack!

Thank you, and thanks everyone for voting for me, but there's someone

that deserves this award more than me.

Can Jamie Johnson come up here?

BOOING

The person that put me forward for this award said I did stuff for

other people. But as a good friend pointed out,

no-one does more for the team,

the school and his friends than this boy.

He might not be sporty, but he uses what he has to make a difference.

He knows more about the teams in our league than Mr Hansard.

He knows more about the tactics than some managers,

especially Harry Brown for Foxborough.

CHEERING AND BOOING

He's at every training session and he wanted to get involved in our

matches so much, he became our mascot.

Boggy, in everything you do, you show us how to be a real friend.

So, with Miss Savage's permission, I'd like to present this trophy,

Sports Personality of the Year, to Hugo "Some-Boggy" Bogson.

SHE CHEERS

Go on, Boggy!

SHE CHEERS

Well done, Boggy.

Big day today.

-Is it?

-First day back at training after his ban.

What if Hansard decides I'm not match-fit for the quarterfinal?

Of course you're fit.

Getting your head in the right place,

that's the name of the game this week.

-Raymondo Bernard at our school?

-And check out the son.

You could cut yourself on those cheekbones.

Will he be any good on the ball, though?

I bet you Hansard picks him in the team over me.

I've invited some of the guys to my house Friday night.

-Do you want to come along?

-You don't go out partying the night before an

-important game.

-Everybody does their job today.

We're one game away from the final in St George's Park!

What's going on out there?

We should be making mincemeat of this team!