Oxford Part 2 Jedward's Big Adventure

Previously, the troublesome twosome were given a mission.

It's a mission!

You will each have to give a group of tourists a guided tour of Oxford.

They found out some first-class facts.

That's totally old school!

HE TRUMPETS

-Jepic!

-Jepic!

-Jepic!

-Jepic!

They met their celebrity team-mates, Jade Ewen and Matt Johnson.

Welcome to Jedward's Big Adventure!

They faced some exhausting bonus challenges.

Yes!

Flamingo, give me a break, OK? I tried my best!

I study biotechnotics.

The last time we saw them,

they were making a splash in the midst of a rowing race.

-Come on, kids!

-But who will win?

-Faster, faster!

It's all to play for in part two of Jedward's Big Adventure!

LET ME OUT OF HERE!

# Come with us There's so much to discover

# Crazy adventures with me and my brother

# We'll take on things that will freak you out

# Cos this is Jedward's Big Adventure

# Be your tour guides There's so much to do

# There's a whole planet out there and it's just for you

# Never know what you'll find and we'll mess with your mind

# Hair-raising trail-blazing, totally wild

# Jedward's Big Adventure. #

And you join us at the rowing race of the century,

where our teams will be desperately trying to pull themselves

over the finish line first to clinch a vital five points

in this awesome bonus challenge.

Ready to lose, Matt? Me and Jade are professionals.

We're Olympic standard over here! Olympic!

You're going down, son!

The winning crew will be the first to cross the finishing line.

Attention.

-Go.

-And they are off.

In lane one, we have Team Edward and in lane two, it's Team John.

It's a flying start for both teams,

but will they have the muscle power to sustain this all the way?

Think again, son!

Come on, kids!

Good technique there from Team John, currently on 30 strokes a minute.

And here's Team Edward, looking strong too.

A little splash in the face there for Jade.

-SHE SCREAMS

-Sorry.

Come on!

Come on, let's go!

Let's go, team!

And as we come to the last 50 metres or so, it's nose to nose.

Keep going, keep going, push it!

I see there Team John pushing ahead slightly.

Faster, faster!

Who's going to win? Who's going to get the five bonus points?

Team John have pulled away. They are half a length ahead.

They've done it!

That's it! Finally, we have a winner!

CHEERING We are the winners!

CHEERING

Yeah!

So, kicking off part two of our Oxford extravaganza,

Team John win the rowing race,

securing five bonus points with that row-tastic performance.

And the losers are up the river without a paddle.

Deep down, I feel as if we are the real winners today.

Let's check the current scores.

Team John's five points from the rowing race is added to

the points he's already won from running the mile

and flamingo croquet,

bringing a total of 15 points,

whilst Edward is sinking with a dismal zero.

John's lead looks pretty watertight,

so Edward will need to give the tour of his life to win today's show.

Don't forget, the winning team will find themselves back on the water

with a punting ride along the beautiful River Cherwell,

whilst the losers will be locked in the dingy cells of Oxford prison.

Back on dry land, there's just time to take in

one more famous Oxford landmark before the tour starts.

Meet Ian. Hello!

He's got some big facts about a little car.

Welcome to MINI Plant, Oxford.

It was here that an icon of the British car industry

was first designed and produced, and it just went to prove

to the world that the best things come in small packages.

HARP STRUMS DREAMILY

100 years ago, a young cycling enthusiast, William Morris,

closed his bicycle shop and opened a factory

for a relatively new invention, the automobile.

Throughout the early 20th century,

his factory produced lots of different cars,

such as the Bullnose Morris and the Morris Minor.

However, the model that would become the most famous

was the classic MINI, a little car with lots of character.

The first MINI rolled off the production line on May 8th, 1959.

The early MINIs often let in two inches of water when it rained.

Despite this, the public fell in love

with the car's distinctive look.

It would become an icon of British design.

Beep, beep!

An icon, just like you and me, Edward.

Would you like to see how we make them now?

-Come on, let's go and check it out.

-This is where they make the cars.

I feel like I'm in the year 3000 like this.

Very, very different from when we first started making cars here.

-We'd make 20 cars a week 100 years ago.

-A week?

Today, we make 900 cars a day,

one every 68 seconds.

So you've already made a car after this whole conversation is over?

In a car factory, we do three main things.

We weld the steel body together,

we paint it,

then we assemble around about 2,000 parts to every car.

-Whoa, look at the size of that robot!

-It looks like the claw, like,

-raaar!

-This is a classic example of our use of technology and robots.

Fitting the glass into every MINI we produce.

One thing these cars are missing is aerodynamic Jedward hair.

Or you could use a sunroof.

Through here, we have an engine being fitted to the car.

It's amazing being here. Do you think we could get a job here?

We always need fit, young, creative people here.

Are you sure you've thought this through?

Good job, guys! You're making all those cars, doing a great job,

keep up the good work!

-So, here we are, boys. A finished motor car.

-Wow!

We saw it from where it first started and now it's finished

and this is the finished result.

It is indeed. Every 68 seconds.

After that amazing tour, it's time for our final bonus challenge

and the last chance for the teams to win some extra points.

Look, it's our mission! Let's see what it says, guys.

"Dear Jedward, Jade and Matt,

"one of your teams can win five bonus points

"if you compete in a car-racing challenge.

"And here is your car!"

-I can't drive!

-I can't drive either, Edward.

-I can't drive.

-Awkward.

-Wait! I've got an idea.

-What?

-Take two.

-And here is your car.

HORNS SQUEAK

First to cross the finishing line wins.

Ready, steady, go!

Go, go, go!

And here we are, both teams powered by not even one horsepower.

Team Edward taking an early lead

and Team Edward win!

What?!

Well done, Team Edward.

You burned rubber and left the other team's chances for dust,

therefore you receive five vital bonus points.

Those extra points could make all the difference

at the end of the day.

-My car must be faulty.

-Your Jade's faulty, that's what it was.

Well, you know what, we may not have won, but we still can do this.

HORN SQUEAKS

Simple things, eh? Time to tot up the scores.

Team Edward have clawed back a vital five points

but they are still ten points behind Team John.

With no more bonus points up for grabs,

Team Edward will have to do a jepic tour later to win today's show.

John's in the zone, he's looking confident.

It's vital that Edward starts taking the preparations seriously.

-Who am I?

-Oh, dear.

-Britney?

-I feel more like Bon Jovi, to be honest.

-Are you ready to rock out?

-Yeah, man. Let's rock out to history in Oxford.

-Yeah!

-History!

All right, Jade, I learned so much interesting things today.

Something to do with a trumpet. HE TOOTS

Something to do with a duck.

Something to do with a girl called Alice who was running around

like Jedward in Wonderland, but she's actually real,

and there is now a girl called Matilda

who was escaping on ice skates or something like that.

-John, this sounds weird.

-It is really interesting.

-All we've got to worry about is what to call the duck.

-Hermione.

Priorities seem to have flown right out the window, Team John.

I wonder if Team Edward are being a little more studious.

Looks promising.

Come on, Edward. Stand still. Stay there.

Matt, I don't know what you're trying to do.

This is not going to make me learn the facts.

The kids are going to be so impressed, mate. This is awesome.

-Matt, there is not...

-Don't talk.

Oh, dear. Perhaps when you have finished, maybe you can use

one of those dictionaries to look up the meaning of "procrastination".

Honestly!

Jade, we are going to blow the kids away tomorrow...

Literally!

HE TOOTS NOISILY

Doesn't look like mixing with students in one of the world's

most famous seats of learning has rubbed off on them at all.

Let's hope they got round to some studying eventually

because time has run out.

A group of unsuspecting tourists are on their way.

These guys have no idea who they are meeting

or what we have got in store.

I am really excited about today and I think it will be really fun

and we will have a great time.

I'm most excited about the tour guides.

They have to have quite a good sense of humour and a bit of fun.

I'm really excited about today and I hope they put on a good show.

POP! POP! POP! POP!

They've arrived. It's time for the tourists to meet the tour guides.

-What's up, guys? I'm John!

-I am Edward!

-And together we are...

-BOTH: Jedward!

-Welcome to Jedward's Big Adventure.

We are going to blow your minds like this.

THEY MAKE EXPLOSION NOISES Make some noise!

THEY CHEER

We are going to put on an amazing, cool tour of Oxford.

It's going to be out of this world.

Before we start, there is Team John and there is Team Edward,

so we are going to bring out our celebrity guests.

Everyone make some noise for Jade Ewen,

pop sensation from the Sugababes.

And Matt Johnson from This Morning!

CHEERING

-I'm John.

-I'm Jade.

-And together we are...

BOTH: Team J!

CHEERING

We can do better than that!

He's Matt, I'm Edward and together we are...

BOTH: Mattward!

CHEERING

Let's get learning some stories. That way! Let's go!

We just met Jedward, so I think today is going to be brilliant.

They sort of just jumped out of the stairs

and they were really hyper, just jumping and skipping everywhere.

It was really good and it was surprising.

Right, it's time to start the tour and Team J are up first

to tell the tourists all about the history of Oxford.

So, Jade, where are we?

-At the top of the tower.

-Not just a tower, Jade.

-In Oxford!

The Carfax Tower. Over there is part of the University.

There's 38 colleges

and all those 38 colleges make up what, Jade?

The Oxford University.

People have been teaching here in Oxford since,

like, 1096 or something like that, OK?

Actually, it's 1167, John.

So, in Oxford, just like all universities,

there's always traditions that are very ridiculous.

So, Jade, where did this duck come from?

-John told me that...

-HE TOOTS LOUDLY

What? Sorry, sorry, sorry.

John told me that there was a duck that ran away

and every year they celebrate with a duck.

Once a century, not once a year, Jade.

Here is a trumpet.

Every year, they blow a trumpet to represent Jedward

so I can hear it, so when they blow it, I'm like...

"Please, Jedward, come to the college."

Oh, dear.

They really are blowing hot and cold with the facts now.

Which college does the tradition of the trumpet come from?

I already told you. Every single college.

Wrong! It's Queen's College.

Let's get out of here! I'll blow the trumpet!

Quack, quack.

I'd give that a C-. Not many facts in there.

Mattward! Mattward!

But how will Team Edward compare with the facts on Oxford University?

Here's hoping they make the grade.

Hello and welcome to Christ Church.

-Good day.

-Good day to you all. Tell us some facts about Christ Church.

-I studied here.

-You didn't.

-I did study here.

-That's not a fact, my friend.

-I graduated.

Other people who are famous

and are very important also studied year. Like who?

-Me.

-Not you. How many prime ministers, for example?

13 prime ministers studied in this very university,

so you are on very good grounds here.

We have a game for you, haven't we?

I've got something in my pocket. It's crisps!

-Yes, crisps.

-Crisps, I love crisps.

-We'll play a game.

We are going to go and get changed into somebody...

Stop eating crisps, OK?

Lots of famous people came to this university.

We are going to dress up as some of those people

and you have got to guess exactly who those people are,

and if you win, if you get it right, correctly,

you get to win some crisps.

If you get it wrong, WE get to eat the crisps, which is what we love.

We love crisps. Let's play this game. Are you ready?

Let's go and do it. Get ready.

I like games. I like crisps. This should be good.

Raaarrr!

-What am I?

-Aslan!

-Yes, correct.

-CS Lewis.

All right.

Yes, CS Lewis came to Oxford University.

Hello.

-Who has a beard like this...

-Santa!

-..cool long hair like this,

amazing hair extensions?

No, it's not Cheryl Cole. Who do you think I am?

Gandalf from JRR Tolkien.

You got it right! Why'd you have to be so smart?

And famous writer of The Lord Of The Rings, JRR Tolkien, came here too.

-GERMAN ACCENT:

-Well, hello there, children.

-Who am I?

-Einstein! Einstein!

Einstein! Einstein!

I want crisps, man.

Einstein! Einstein!

Correct.

Well done. Einstein.

Clever kids.

HE SNORTS

Hey, guys!

Who do you think I am?

Harry Potter, JK Rowling!

Who's Harry Potter?

-You.

-No.

Who thinks, "I am who I am"?

I'm starting to think you've forgotten

who you're supposed to be, Edward.

It took me for ever to write this essay.

I wish I could send it to somebody,

but I can't connect with the rest of the world.

I need to invent something.

-Charles Darwin?

-Internet.

Internet! Getting closer.

I wish I had a search engine that I could check out myself

and know who I am.

Well, the kids don't seem to know.

Reveal all, Edward.

No. No-one knows.

I am Trevor L Turner.

Who on earth is Trevor L Turner?!

Yes, I think that's right.

Ugh, you're supposed to be Tim Berners-Lee,

the inventor of the internet, who came to Oxford too!

Well, Team Edward may have lost most of the crisps, there,

but were the tourists impressed

with learning about those famous students?

For one of them, Edward didn't even know which one he was.

-We knew more about Christchurch than them!

-Yeah, exactly.

I still don't really know who invented the internet.

Oh, dear, it's not looking good for Edward.

Remember, he's starting way behind,

because he's lost most of the challenges.

His only hope is that Team John will fall apart.

Let's see how they're getting on.

As you can see, I am the Mad Hatter, aka John.

-And who are you?

-I'm Alice from Alice In Wonderland.

Alice In what? Alice In Wonderland!

Get on with it, John.

So, who wrote Alice In Wonderland? His name was Charles... Charles what?

-I don't know, you haven't told me.

-Charles - come on, I told you this!

-You didn't! You just told me...

-Oh, trouble in Wonderland.

-She loses facts, like, in one ear, bang, gone!

-He's a bad teacher.

-Charles Dodgson.

-There we go.

D-O-D-G-S - Dodgson!

Not quite the full spelling, John, but at least you got the name right.

And he changed his name to Lewis Carroll,

so, Charles Dodgson, aka Lewis Carroll, wrote Alice In Wonderland.

But Alice actually was a real girl, and she actually was here,

and basically the story was inspired on Alice.

John, what was Alice's real name?

Alice's real name? You'd think YOU'D know this, you're the real Alice!

But I'll tell the name cos she doesn't know any facts, OK?

I'll save the day, just like... Lance Armstrong went to the moon.

Lance Armstrong cycled all the way to the moon?!

I mean, I know he told some big fibs, but that's a whopper!

-Alice's real name was Alice Lyedell.

-It's Liddell, John.

L-I-D-D, something, something, something.

-You guys can spell it later.

-Here we go again.

This is the door that Alice peeps through and looks through

and goes, "Ooh! I wonder what's going on there!"

HARP PLAYS

That's the door, that's the door from Alice In Wonderland, amazing!

And Alice was the daughter of the dean, though, wasn't she?

And he was the person they based the White Rabbit on.

So, you know when they show the rabbit with the clock...?

"We're late, we're late, for a very important date!" What is it?

-ALL:

-We're late, we're late, for a very important date!

-Calm down.

-We're late, we're late, for a very important date!

-RAPS: Late for important date, yo!

-John!

We're never going to learn any facts!

We're learning loads of facts!

Come on, "We're late, we're late, for a very important date!"

I can't hear you!

-ALL:

-We're late, we're late, for a very important date!

Louder!

I think Team Jade could've been a bit better,

as, to be honest, they were messing around a bit.

The teams are halfway through their tour of Oxford,

and the competition is hotting up.

-Hey, John, I have a fact for you.

-What's that, Edward?

You're going to lose! You're going to lose!

You're going to lose, Edward!

-Hey, John, I have a fact for you.

-What's that fact?

-You're still going to lose!

-I'm not going to lose!

Why do you keep saying facts, I'm going to lose?

-THEY FAST-FORWARD

-Enough, boys,

otherwise I'll put you in the stocks.

-Knock, knock.

-Who's there?

You're going to lose!

Right, that's it.

You can come out when you've learnt to behave.

John, John!

Back to the tours,

and Team Edward are hoping that words don't fail them.

Definition - don't muck it up!

Welcome to the Oxford English Dictionary headquarters.

This is where they put the words in the dictionary

for the whole world to get their definitions.

This is James Murray,

the person that wrote out the whole, entire Oxford English Dictionary.

Originally they thought it was going to take ten years,

but guess how long it took them to do it.

-Two years.

-No! It took 70 years!

-70 years?!

Yeah, that's why he wasn't shaving.

-Look at that beard.

-Let's play a game, shall we?

-Yeah.

A word-dictionary game!

That's right,

it's time for Well Weird Jed Words.

Oh, goody(!) Another game.

The rules of this game are quite simple -

we're going to read out words.

Whichever one you think is telling the truth,

you come and join that person.

Every time a tourist guesses wrong, they're out of the game,

and the last one standing wins their very own Oxford English Dictionary.

Whoopee!

Speaking of which, the first word is "Woopie"!

Woopie.

Is it an affluent, retired person able to pursue an active lifestyle,

from the initials of a "well-off older person"?

Or, is it the noise made by people when diving into a vat of custard?

Mm, custard.

Ready, steady, go!

We were right, kids!

-Yes, we were.

-Sorry, Dominic.

Wow!

-Can you say that, Edward?

-Yeah.

Cryptozo-ology.

Is it the search and study of animals whose existence is unproven,

such as the Loch Ness Monster?

Or is it the study of mummies inside their ancient burial tombs?

Make your choice now.

OK, let's reveal the correct explanation of the word.

-Sorry, Keira.

-Oh, Keira, sorry, love.

Oh! Donkeyman.

Is it a man working in a ship's engine room?

-Or...

-A man working in a train garage?

Make your choice now.

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

She's making a decision.

The correct explanation of the word "donkeyman" was... ..

Me!

-So, well done, guys!

-Sorry.

Commiserations to you lot. Get over there.

Please can we reveal the final word of the day?

Triskaidekaphobia.

An extreme phobia about the number 13.

-Or...

-An extreme phobia of the number 12.

Make your choice now.

Ooh, we've got a split decision, Edward.

One, two, three...

Yes!

Yes, team. So, congratulations. Are you excited?

You're in the tie-break.

And the question is...

How many words, as of now, are in the Oxford Dictionary?

So, what is your answer?

My answer is 1,000,526.

1,008,050.

-And finally, what do you think?

-2,000,000.

Can we please reveal what the answer is?

-Whoa!

-272,858.

-Hard luck, guys.

-So, Emma, you are today's winner.

-Are you going to read all those words in there?

-No.

No, I don't think so either.

But when you need to know a word, it'll be in here.

Absolutely. Totes ma goats.

I don't think that's in the dictionary, Matt.

Just one more story left for Jade - it's a witch!

Let's see if they can pull off a great escape.

All right, kids, are you lot ready for this?

Yes!

Doesn't look promising, does it?

All right, guys, we are here at Oxford Castle.

The reason why I'm wearing this hair

is I'm representing a girl called Matilda.

And there was me thinking you were trying a new hairstyle.

She was actually an empress,

she was all over the place conquering the world

but then she came here and the king captured her like that, bang!

"I'm going to take you, Matilda..."

And Matilda was brought here, and she was like,

"No, no, don't take me!"

Get on with it.

In 1142 she escaped from this tower, it was all frozen,

it was all, like...no-one spotted her, and that's how she escaped...

Something in your eye there, John?

She skated out of there,

she skated, with ice skates, like this.

Schoo, schoo, schoo!

We're now going to move on and talk about this.

This is actually a motte, this is a motte, the thing here.

Don't forget about the bailey, John!

And this was built in 1071.

And that's it, that's all the facts you need to know.

That's it?!

Well, let's hope the facts didn't escape in the process.

-BOTH:

-Schoo, schoo, schoo!

I think Team Jade did really well,

but I think maybe they could've improved on...not getting distracted.

I think they did all right,

but Jedward was a bit fussy about his hair.

They did get distracted once about orange hair,

but apart from that, they were really good.

John, that girl Empress Matilda, she comes back here,

if she wants Jedward's autograph, here it is.

Up here, Edward. Come on. Let's get out of here.

Empress Matilda, your autograph is waiting for you!

That was pretty fact-filled from John.

It's not looking good for Edward.

He'd better be on top form in his final story in the prison.

-Whoo! Yeah!

-1,002, 1,003...

Get on with it, boys.

-Matt!

-What?

-We're on a tour, Oxford Castle.

It wasn't just a castle of, "Ooh, la-la". It was turned into a prison.

People were locked in these cages - "Let me out! Let me out!

"Argh! Let me out, I want to escape!

"I need to get out of here!"

Oh, my days, somebody sort him out.

Warden!

Let me out!

-Calm down.

-So tired...

-He's got himself all tired now.

But there's method to his madness,

because you are dressed as Isaac Darkin, aren't you?

-Hello.

-Isaac Darkin... Is that your best Isaac Darkin impression?

Hello, I'm Isaac Darkin.

Oh, dear.

-Anyway...

-And why are you here?

I was there for the girls, they were all like, "Aaah!

-"It's Isaac Darkin, I love you!"

-Isaac Darkin was like a pop star,

-but he was also a robber.

-Very, very bad.

-What was your nickname?

-I didn't know I had a nickname.

-You did.

-What was it?

-You can remember this.

-Oh!

-The Runway Man.

-No.

-No!

-The Highwayman.

-The Highwayman, yes.

-Got there in the end.

The youngest prisoner in here was seven years old.

But what was her crime, boys? That's a vital fact!

-How old are you guys?

-Nine.

-Ten...

You're nine, so, just older than that now.

-Yeah, imagine getting executed, imagine how scary that would be.

-Mm.

Welcome to the prison cell.

It's super small, imagine having to share this room with someone.

You'd go crazy!

-So, what have you got there, dude?

-A jack-in-the-box.

-No, that's not a jack-in-the-box at all.

-Doo-doo-doo...

Blagh!

Not quite. It's a Crank handle.

Guys, we're not prisoners, let's get out of here!

Edward may not have managed to escape the prison, there,

but did he commit the ultimate crime, and forget the facts?

Let's find out, as we come to the end of the tour in this special

double episode of Jedward's Big Adventure!

It's the moment of truth.

Have the tourists remembered those all-important vital

facts on Oxford, or will was all the singing,

dressing up and wordplay too much of a distraction?

It's time to find out, as the tourists take the BIG TEST!

What was Lewis Carroll's real name?

Was it Charles Dodgson?

They're being asked two questions on each of the stories.

For each correct answer, there's a point in it

for the team that told that story.

What is the name of the popular highwayman executed at Oxford Prison?

And the team with the most points,

when added to the bonus challenge points, will win.

What does the word "triskedophia" mean?

Whilst the losers will face a humiliating night in the slammer.

Remember, from the bonus challenges so far, Team John are on 15 points -

from winning the running race, the flamingo croquet and the rowing.

And Team Edward are on five points, from winning the MINI challenge.

Therefore it all comes down to how well they taught the facts

to the tourists to determine the final results.

The test is now over. It's time to reveal the final score.

I can now reveal the overall scores.

Only three points separate the two teams.

Oh...OMG.

It's the tension.

Hope it's us.

Edward and Matt, you have 49 points.

John and Jade, you...

have 52.

-Yeah!

-Woo!

No way. No way! No way.

Congratulations, Team John.

John and Jade are now off to enjoy a relaxing punting ride

along the river,

whilst for the losers, Edward and Matt, it's forfeit time.

Say cheese!

Whoo, we're the winners!

Let's do this.

MUSIC: Theme from Titanic

Punting is so fun.

Jade, I wonder how Edward and Matt are getting on in the prison cell?

Who cares? They're losers.

Come on, move along. I'm putting you away for crimes against history, now.

Crimes against history?

-What do you mean?

-Get in there. DOOR CLANGS

Jade, let's have a Titanic moment.

Jade, Jade, don't let go!

Lights out, boys.

BOTH SCREAM